


Our Twenties

by citruseungkwan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-25 00:42:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 301,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9794726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citruseungkwan/pseuds/citruseungkwan
Summary: vernon gets used to living with his roommate, boo seungkwan. a slice-of-life story about the relationships that blossom during the times of their youth, as well as the various experiences and the growing pains that happen in between.





	1. pairing

From the very first time Vernon met Seungkwan, he might have already known that they were a perfect pair from the start. 

It was a bitter cold day in January when Vernon had arrived to his university of choice. Mugunghwa University, a fairly popular South Korean university among both domestic and international students, had been sort of an impulse decision in terms of applying college. He was a few months past turning eighteen years old, breezed through high school with a small group of friends in an average sized town in upstate New York, and like most young adults his age, he only vaguely had an idea with what he wanted to do with his future. Life in New York was fairly stagnant, not much to expect in between various big basketball games that his high school team participated in and the wild after parties that passed by in between.

Vernon was well liked, always surrounded by a large number of guys that made up part of his basketball squad, as well as the trails of girls that would follow and cheer them on in between practices. One might even assume that Vernon had quite a bit of popularity due to the amount of people that seemed to be acquainted with him, but just because his peers liked him enough didn’t mean that he knew exactly what he wanted to do after high school.

As his friends from various social cliques started to focus their attention onto their own university applications, the friendships formed throughout his four years of basketball team and nights spent at wild house parties started to fall apart with each day that ticked closer to graduation. Things just started to seem awfully superficial. Everyone was moving onto their new lives in separate directions, with a new game of popularity to master in their newly chosen schools, and it was time for Vernon to let go of his old lifestyle as well. 

Yet, it took Vernon quite a while to actually come up with an option for his future. He had never really thought that the day that high school lifestyle would finally end with himself getting left behind. The endless practices after school with his teammates seemed like a never-ending dream to him, his team members were a family, a pack that was always supposed to stick together. He had expected all of the guys to apply to some of the basketball scholarships within the numerous universities and colleges that were closely located in upstate New York. They might be separated by only a few miles, yet their new college teams would be able to battle at each upcoming game during the season, still keeping the old rivalries from high school to continue into years of university as well. 

Living as part of the team was everything to Vernon, but that’s exactly what put him into his current situation. 

Despite teachers going easy on the most popular members of the high school sport’s teams, the daily practices and late night hangouts that were part of his jock friend’s lifestyles were the source behind his less than average grades. It’s not like he didn’t care about school or that he wasn’t a good student, it was just a case of his priorities being elsewhere. In all reality, if Vernon wasn’t known as one of the most charismatic athletes on the team, his teachers probably wouldn’t have even let him pass this year as well. His grades were at the bare minimums of what was needed to pass, no scholarships awarded for his abilities as a student and none for his contributions towards his basketball achievements either. 

Vernon spent summer break barely leaving the house. After the whirlwind of graduation parties thrown by his various school peers, they all started to pack up one by one for their new lives away from his old town and away from him as well. Vernon knew all too well that he would most likely never meet with most of them again, despite their promises to meet up anytime they had to stop by their old city and catch up with their parents, or head back home to bring more boxes to their new universities, Vernon knew that things weren’t the same. He had been walking his sister’s dog around the neighborhood while she was away at camp, one of the rare times that he actually had to go outside and do something, and noticed some of his former teammates load into a truck with a large amount of beer cases in tow. Their rowdy shouts and the booming bass coming from the speakers could only mean they were on the way to a party, one of those that they had promised to text Vernon about, yet he hadn’t even been notified that they were in town for the week. Vernon had been left behind. 

He didn’t have many options to choose from. The schools in his area that he could actually afford and apply to based on his grades weren’t his first choices. Community college life was almost taboo for Vernon. Seeing such a successful and popular high school student such as himself have to settle for such a small institution would really kill his reputation for good. It just wasn’t what the jocks of the school were allowed to do. He needed a fraternity to join, a large group of influential guys to hang with, a new basketball team that would have a famous institution’s name attached to it. It was just who he was. It was who his friends had already become and left him behind to figure out by himself. 

His parents might have noticed he was struggling with his options as well. They were the ones who pushed him to choose to study abroad instead. Apparently his mother was as lost as he was at the age of eighteen and ended up flying off to Europe on a backpacking trip in order to find herself. His father was more reluctant on letting him go off on some adventure by himself, therefore meeting in a compromise to allow him to head out of the country, but only if he studied there as well. 

In a mission to get a sulking Vernon to stop sleeping his days away and finally off of their living room couch, the Chwe family spent the whole fall semester getting ready to send their son off for his new life spent abroad at Seoul’s Mugunghwa University. 

As Vernon struggled with an oversized suitcase filled with as many essentials he possibly could bring abroad, he stumbled down the hallway that lead to his dorm room. His ear pressed against the door that matched up with the number written on his key, biting down on his lower lip in concentration as he tried to see if his roommate had arrived before him. Almost too quietly to make out, a soft melodic humming was able to be heard through the door frame, making Vernon pause slightly as he listened the voice behind the door. His breathing evened out more relaxedly as he concentrated on the song that he could barely make out, a slight smile forming on his features as he recognized the song to be one from his own music library. 

There was something about his future roommate’s soothing humming that made him feel like he would be interrupting something if he opened the door, almost like he was catching the male in a private moment of peaceful concentration if he intruded. Vernon hesitated as the ending of the song was approaching, slowly sliding his key into the lock and barely letting it turn until the door cracked open. An audible gasp from his roommate inside signaled that yeah, maybe he should have waited for the song to finish first but he felt kind of strange about eavesdropping in the hallway. 

“Oh, you’re finally here?” His new roommate’s voice called out to him, the voice behind the humming coming out a bit deeper and raspier than he had expected from the smooth singing he had heard before. Before Vernon could even open the door for himself, the male on the other side of the door nearly ripped the door open in order to get a look at Vernon. “Hey, I’m Seungkwan. You’re uh... Benon, right? Nice to meet you.” 

Hearing the shorter male’s slightly accented English brought a smile to his face, bringing a hand up to his lips to hide the small chuckle that threatened to escape. “Close enough, in English it’s pronounced ‘Ver-non’ but if you wanna put that into hangul, it’s written like ‘Beo-non’.” 

He watched the male newly introduced as Seungkwan process what he explained, his eyes slightly squinting in his concentration as his lips tried to sound out the unfamiliar word. “V-vernon… Vernon, right?” Seungkwan struggled but ended up managed to come up with the correct pronunciation with a few seconds of practicing the unfamiliar syllables, glancing up at Vernon for validation and receiving a nod in response. 

“Perfect. Or you can try calling me Hansol.” Vernon replied with an amused grin as he made his way around Seungkwan and enter his dorm, still laughing under his breath after finding his roommate’s effort to be somewhat entertaining. “But you know, I’m mixed so I can speak Korean too. I haven’t been to Korea since I was like fifteen though so I might need some pointers.” 

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Seungkwan let out a dramatic sigh, plopping himself down on his own bed that had been decorated with light blue sheets, a large stuffed plush of some cartoon character, and a neat pile of books that he seemed to be looking into before Vernon had arrived. “Oh, that’s a relief.” Seungkwan puffed out, another sigh leaving his plump lips. “I knew you were going to arrive today so I spent the last hour with this Korean-to-English dictionary. I mean, I just saw your last name and assumed you were like Korean, but a Korean living in American who doesn’t have any concept of the language whatsoever. I had a cousin like that once, he visited my family in Jeju and didn’t know how to say anything other than annyeonghaseyo. It was super awkward.” 

As Seungkwan continued rambling on with his tangent, Vernon didn’t exactly seem to mind it. After being on an airplane for about 14 hours by himself, he was going a bit crazy from lack of human communication. He didn’t even have a phone yet and no wifi on his laptop, so actually being in the company of another person settled his nerves about being all alone in Korea right now. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a good time at all, but trust me, I can understand just about most things in Korean. I grew up speaking both with my family.” Vernon explained as he took a seat on his own bed, slightly easing up and down onto the springs as he tested the quality of the dorm mattress. Not too bad for free dorm accommodations included with the tuition costs. “And believe it or not, Seungkwan, I actually have Korean friends in America. There’s a lot of Koreans in New York.” 

Seungkwan’s eyes visibly widened as he heard Vernon speak. “You mean like the New York? With the skyscrapers and the big apple? Do you know…..uh, what’s that thing called?” His fingers snapped together, trying to recall the word. “The big street with the famous people singing?” 

Vernon’s eyebrows threaded together, not really understanding what the male was getting at all. “Uh… maybe you mean Time’s Square? I went to the city a few times but I don’t live there. I live a few hours North of that.” 

“BROADWAY!” It took Seungkwan a few more seconds before he smacked his hands together and sat up with more excitement than seconds before. “Not the Time’s Square. I’m talking about Broadway. The street where people’s dreams come true, to be on the stage in front of the world’s audience and sing to the whole city.” 

“Ah…” Vernon chuckled under his breath, “I know what you’re getting at but it doesn’t exactly work like that. Not to kill your dreams or anything, but no one sings in the streets. It’s like a normal theatre production, you gotta buy a ticket and go in and watch the show but it’s ridiculously expensive. That’s what makes it Broadway.” 

“Oh…” Seungkwan’s expression faltered for a millisecond before his thoughts seemed to get the best of him again. “Anyways, I’m a theatre major so I’ve always dreamed of going there just once. I never thought I’d meet someone who has been to New York city before though. Actually I don’t know any American people besides my cousin but I couldn’t understand him anyways so maybe it doesn’t count.” His hand raised up, swiping dismissively in the air. “Do you need help unpacking your bag? I have no plans today because I thought I should stay in and wait for you so I’m going to be here either way.” 

Vernon found himself agreeing with the offer despite only knowing the other male for only a few minutes. But maybe the way that Seungkwan always seemed to initiate conversation first made him feel comfortable in his presence, like he didn’t have to try and push himself past awkward first meeting topics to get the boy to open up to him. Seungkwan was already opening himself up more and more with each minute that passed by, spewing details about himself out to Vernon who found himself content with just listening. It had been a tiring and long plane ride after all, and just letting his roommate take control over the conversation was perfectly fine for today. 

In between struggling as a pair to stretch Vernon’s dark blue sheets over his mattress frame, sharing a few of his American snacks with Seungkwan after a desperate attempt to decipher the English writing on the labels, and managing to fold almost half of his clothes into his dresser, Vernon was completely tired out. He collapsed on his new bed, his exhausted body sinking down into the springs as jet-lag snuck up on him. 

“Are you kidding me? It’s only 6PM. You’re going to wake up at 4AM and wreck your sleeping schedule.” Seungkwan scolded him a bit playfully, leaning down to kneel by the side of Vernon’s bed as he scooped up a small pile of Vernon’s folded clothes to keep them from being squashed by his head. 

“Jet-lag…” Vernon murmured out, his eyes refusing to open even while he was responding back to his roommate. “Just put the clothes back in the suitcase, I’ll do it later.” 

“Instead of doing it later, how about tomorrow? I don’t need you waking up in some ungodly hour in the morning and disturbing my sleep as well, huh?” Seungkwan suggested, and although Vernon processed that he was mostly just kidding, there was a bit of seriousness in his voice as well. He mumbled out an answer a let out a yawn, furthermore adjusting into the mattress as he got ready to drift off but was distracted again by Seungkwan. “You didn’t even pack a pillow or a blanket though? That’s kind of…. careless?” 

“Too tired. Don’t need it.” 

Seungkwan didn’t say anything in response for a few seconds, yet responded non-verbally by throwing an extra pillow and blanket at Vernon’s body. 

Smiling lazily to himself, Vernon draped the blanket over his form and slid the pillow under his head, a small sigh of relaxation passing out of his lips. “Thanks, Seungkwan.” In a haze, he thanked his roommate before he slipped out of his thoughts, the waves of sleep completely taking over his consciousness. Remaining on the pillow, a faint lingering scent of citrus and musk undertones slightly comforted him in his slumber, the remnants of a flavored cologne clinging to the fabric. 

 

. . . . . . . 

 

Sunlight filled their dorm room the next morning, the warm rays shining straight through the latched blinds that were slightly open next to Seungkwan’s chosen bed, the streaks of light cascading over Vernon’s features and rousing him from his deep sleep. Subconsciously he had squeezed his eyelids shut tighter and shifted in his bed to position himself away from the window. Yet before he could settle into sleep again, the sound of water running on the other side of the wall and a low melodic humming shook him out of his dreams. 

Vernon’s eyes slowly opened to face a bare white wall, a light blue sheet wrapped around his body, and the unfamiliar scent of the new dorm room furthermore waking up his senses. This sight was completely different that what he was used to waking up to during the past eighteen years of his life. The slow realization sunk in that this is not America. He can’t just wake up and head downstairs to see his little sister sprawled across the couch, then give her a gentle shove so he could plop down beside her. He couldn’t hear the sounds of his mother already up and preparing breakfast for them in the kitchen that was just a room away. He couldn’t look over to his father who was up and reading the newspaper seated at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee steaming beside him. Instead, he woke up in an unfamiliar room shared with a complete stranger, and the sounds of that stranger’s humming still somehow audible from behind the door of their shared bathroom. 

Groggily sitting up and rubbing at his tired eyes with the back of his hand, he took a few moments of just spacing out- eyes just wandering over the details of his shared dorm as he tried to wake up fully. His fingers fumbled around his bed, feeling around for his phone even though he knew he wouldn’t have any calls or messages until he picked out a new cellular company in Korea. That was something that he should probably get around to doing today. His phone read the time as nearly being 11 in the afternoon, meaning he’d slept off most of his jet-lag without being a complete annoyance to Seungkwan at least.

Vernon desperately needed a shower, somehow subconsciously just feeling dirty from riding on the plane and being trapped in such a confined place with other people. Making a move to pick out some new clothes for the day, his eyes wandered onto his opened suitcase on the floor. The rest of his unpacked clothes were gone, and now placed into his dresser neatly folded. His head tipped to the side, letting out a sigh when he realized it was probably all Seungkwan’s doing. 

“Damn, he’s too nice to me already…” Vernon mumbled out to himself outloud in English, a habit he sometimes did when he was all alone and things got too quiet around him. Not unappreciative of the favor done by his new roommate though, he made a mental note to do something for Seungkwan later as well. Maybe he’d just give him the rest of his American snacks since he seemed too excited about them anyways. 

A few seconds later, the incessant humming from behind the door stopped and Seungkwan came into his vision again. “Oh, you’re finally up. Hopefully I didn’t wake you.” Seungkwan mumbled as he stepped out of their shared bathroom, the strands of his light auburn hair being ruffled by a towel as he spoke. “You still have jet-lag?” 

Vernon simply shook his head, clearing his throat momentarily before he found his voice. “I don’t usually get jet-lag after the first day. I’ll be fine.” He explained quickly as he eyed Seungkwan up and down just once, a bit amused at how the male wore a large grey t-shirt that nearly covered up half of his body despite the slight edge of plaid boxers sticking out from the bottom. The corners of his lips turned up in a grin due to Seungkwan’s look, finding him to look a lot more younger than he actually was. “Hey, last night didn’t you tell me to call you hyung?” 

“Yeah, why?” Seungkwan’s head cocked to the side, moving the towel to dry his hair more softly than before. 

“It’s just hard to think of you as older than me.” Vernon bit back his grin. “Did you tell me your Korean age or your American age?” 

Something on Seungkwan’s face changed ever so slightly, his bottom lip protruding out a little more as he explained himself. “You said you’re 1998, right? Same as me. But I’m January and you’re February so it’s one month or so of a difference.” 

“Does only one month difference between us still make it necessary to use honorifics?” Vernon asked, still amused by Seungkwan insisting that he call him by the nickname last night. “I mean, we’re practically same age and I think I look older than you anyways.” 

Seungkwan paused for a few seconds, taking a seat down on the edge of his mattress as he rested his palm under his chin. “It’s because of my cheeks, right?” He questioned out, blinking a few times as he tried to get at what Vernon was thinking of.

“Uh… what about ‘em?” 

“They’re too big, too cute. Makes me hard to think of as a hyung, huh?” Seungkwan rambled on like he had been previously thinking about this topic before, continuing on even though Vernon didn’t exactly give him an answer. “Is it possible that even as a college freshman who has already completed one whole semester, the baby fat that still remains on my cheeks make me look as young as a highschooler? Or perhaps a middle school student? I mean, I never thought there would be a day where I really questioned if I was good looking or not for coming off as young.” 

After a few moments of listening to Seungkwan, Vernon’s eyebrows simply furrowed together as he let out a hearty laugh. “Hey, hey, hey. There’s no need to think that deep into it. I just said you look younger than me, simple as that.” He reached out from where he was standing, lightly patting his roommate’s shoulder to reassure him. 

“So you think you look more masculine than me or something?” Seungkwan glanced up, raising an eyebrow at him. “I really must possess more cute facial features than some of my peers then…” 

“Never really thought about it.” Vernon replied, another laugh slipping past his lips as he found Seungkwan’s fast thought processes to be quite entertaining. He hadn’t really met anyone so freely expressive with their emotions and openly blurt out thoughts like Seungkwan had a habit of doing. It was kind of… refreshing. He could watch Seungkwan’s entire thought process just based on the emotions that passed over his facial expressions. 

“Okay, let me test you then.” Seungkwan resolutely decided, sitting up straighter. “I am cute though, yeah?” 

“Uh…. yeah, sure?” 

“At least that’s better than a no.” Seungkwan nodded to himself. “Do you think you’re cute?” 

Vernon paused completely, actually having never thought about him possessing the qualities of cute not even once in his lifetime so far. If he relied on the experiences he had with girls back home though, he never really recalled hearing cute. He had been called handsome quite a few times, even got the nickname as Dicaprio a few rare times, but never anything other than ‘good looking.’ Vernon’s shoulders shrugged upwards carelessly. “No one mentioned it to me before so, I don’t think so?” 

Seungkwan’s eyes just rolled, dramatically letting his towel fall to the floor as he laid back on his bed a bit defeatedly. “Whatever you think then.”

“Was I supposed to say something else?” Vernon’s head tipped to the side curiously as he examined the apparently older male’s expression, sensing that his answer wasn’t something that he wanted. “You look disappointed.” 

Seungkwan let out a light sigh, puffing his bottom lip out slightly more. “No, I already know it’s because I’m short and my cheeks are chubby. I’m just gonna be young and youthful forever…” He trailed off dramatically, throwing his head back into a pillow as he stole a glance up at Vernon. “Hurry and wash up, Vernon. I’ll take you out today so you can buy your own shit to sleep with. I mean, what kind of college kid doesn’t bring any living essentials when they move into dorms?” 

“Small suitcase. Big dreams.” He commented back jokingly and scooped some clean clothes out of his dresser and located the one towel he had remembered to pack, “I’ll be quick. Can we get something to eat before we go out shopping though? I kinda completely forgot about dinner last night because I was too tired.” 

“Yeah, just hurry up. We better buy our textbooks today at the school bookstore before it becomes an absolute mess in there.” Seungkwan realized, actually sulking this time unlike he had been pretending to before. 

Vernon simply let out a small chuckle, his fingertips lightly ruffling through the slightly wet strands on top of Seungkwan’s head as he messed the hair around. “Don’t worry about me, just worry about getting yourself ready too.” 

……… 

The day flew by quickly with the sheer amount of errands that the two boys had to run. They started the day off by visiting Seungkwan’s favorite on campus cafe, grabbing a quick breakfast as they started deciding what exactly they needed to buy for their dorm room. Mostly their list was filled with various essentials that Vernon had chosen not to pack due to the convenience of just picking it up in Korea. Yet, as Seungkwan lead Vernon into a some interesting shops within the nearby town center, the two roommates often spent their money on pointless decorations and school supplies that they most likely didn’t need. Vernon couldn’t exactly help himself because when Seungkwan was as expressive and convincing as he was, he just found himself throwing random shit into his basket due to the other male’s excitement about it. 

Much like he had seen in a sitcom, shopping together with a roommate and picking out some of their shared items was just as exciting as he imagined it to be. It was the first step to his new life in Korea, and something about settling into his new place with a roommate that he seemed to get along with only further reassured him that his decision to go to Korea would be a good one. 

The two roommates returned back to their dorm, plopping countless shopping bags and their tired bodies onto their individual beds, both equally tired out from a full day of shopping.

Seungkwan let out an airy sigh, his rounded cheeks puffing up from the action as he looked over at Vernon. “How’s your jet-lag now? If you’re not too tired we could do something for dinner.” 

“I’m not tired like that, just tired from walking.” Vernon admitted with a bit of a sheepish smile, “Instead of going back out, is there anything nearby on campus?” 

“Listen, I was thinking…” Seungkwan started off, a smile growing on his face that seemed like he had already been planning something without Vernon’s knowledge. “We could stay here, order some fried chicken takeout, or pizza if you’d prefer? Maybe even both. But here’s, the thing…” 

“Sounds good so far, continue.” 

“I was texting some of my close friends earlier, and I mentioned that I was gonna be busy all day because you were coming here from America and we had to buy a lot of stuff to get you settled in here…” Seungkwan led on, head tipping to the side as he explained. “...so when they found out I got paired with a new roommate, and one who is also from America, they got really excited and they want to meet you, so....” 

Vernon simply nodded in response, understanding exactly what Seungkwan was getting at. “So you want me to meet your friends? Or they just want to meet me and you don’t really care if I meet them or not?” He replied a bit teasingly, letting out a small chuckle as he noticed Seungkwan’s facial expression, the older male’s eyes rolling around at his comment. 

“It’s a mix of both, actually.” Seungkwan clarified, crossing his arms over his chest. “You can say no if you want. I just thought we could make them pick up the pizza, we’ll call for the chicken takeout, and then there’s more food. Then the cost is split too.” 

“Alright, alright. Fine with me.” Vernon let out another soft laugh at the explanation, grinning over at his new roommate. “But I’m pretty sure it’s just because you can’t decide whether you want to eat pizza or chicken so you’re exploiting them to get both.” 

“You think you already know me, huh, pretty boy?” Seungkwan smirked over at Vernon before tossing his pillow across the room at his head. “Better work on my acting skills if you can read into me that easily then.” As Vernon retaliated by chucking the pillow back at Seungkwan’s body with equal force, the other male called up his friends and invited them over to the dorm room, only promising to unlock the door if they brought the pizza. 

It didn’t take Seungkwan’s friends very long to arrive, barely thirty minutes had passed before there was an incessant knocking on the door, the noise startling Vernon who had almost been calmy unpacking and arranging some of his new stuff. “That was quick.” He mumbled out, eyes glancing up at Seungkwan in a bit of surprise as Seungkwan simply shook his head and got up to unlock the door. 

“Wait until they get comfortable with you. They’ll end up showing up without any notice at all soon.” Seungkwan let out a light sigh as he cracked open the door, only enough to get a look at his friends. “I see the pizza, so I think I better let them in.” 

“Hurry up, before it gets cold-” A voice unrecognizable to Vernon called out, causing Vernon to look over his shoulder and watch as one of Seungkwan’s friends pushed the pizza into his roommate’s arms, squeezing past the narrow doorway as he made his way over to Vernon. “Hey, what’s up man?” A boy with dark black hair flipped his fringe out of the way of his fox-like eyes, a grin sliding onto his features as he extended a fist out to Vernon. “Call me Hosh.” 

Vernon smiled amusedly as he responded to the stranger’s attempted English greeting, letting his fist bump against the male’s own as he stifled a laugh. “Hosh? Alright, man. You can call me Vernon, or Hansol if you’d prefer.” 

“Ugh, not again.” Seungkwan’s eyes rolled as he stared down at his friend who had already chosen to take a seat beside Vernon on the floor. “I swear to god, he does this every single time he meets a foreigner. His name is Soonyoung, just call him by that or you’ll be encouraging him with false confidence in his English skills.” 

“Hey, don’t be mean.” Another voice spoke up as a much taller male entered the room, making his way over to Vernon with perhaps one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen in his life. The lean male clutched a 12-pack of beer in his arms, pushing past Seungkwan a bit less roughly than Soonyoung had but still enough that Vernon could easily tell how close the trio were with each other. “Here, a welcome present. Thanks for taking care of our Seungkwannie.” 

The corners of Vernon’s lips twitched up in a grin, glancing up at Seungkwan who just bit his lip and locked the door before joining the rest of the boys circled on the floor. “Ah, thanks.” Vernon replied as the case of beers was slid over to him, bowing his head slightly at the taller male in thanks. “What’s your name?” 

“You can call me Seokmin, but when I’m on stage, then I’m DK.” The male replied, making Vernon slightly tip his head sideways in confusion while he tried to figure out what the letters stood for. 

“DK is his performance name, it stands for Dokyeom.” Seungkwan clarified for him, either easily picking up on Vernon’s expression, or having to explain this a lot before. “We all met in the theatre program here, except Soonyoung and Seokmin are second years now. I started one semester before you so I’ve already had a chance to take classes here.” 

“If you ever see me on stage dancing or choreographing something, that’s when I become Hoshi.” Soonyoung pointed to himself with a proud grin, reaching past Vernon to tear into the case of beers and toss one over to each of the guys. “It means ‘star’ in Japanese because, well, that’s what I’m aiming to be someday.” 

“Then what does Dokyeom mean?” Vernon questioned out, glancing between all three of the males. “I mean, I know it’s a name but what’s the significance behind it.” 

Seokmin opened his mouth to speak but Seungkwan beat him to it. “There’s no significance. He just thinks it’s cool how other entertainers in the industry pick stage names and make up like an alternate personality. I think the concept is lacking because people just think DK stands for Donkey Kong or something like that.” 

Soonyoung’s nose crinkled up as he let out a laugh, Seungkwan’s grin widening as he locked eyes with his friend as the equally pestered Seokmin together. The tan male simply took the largest slice of pizza and began digging into it, not bothering to bring himself down to their level. “So Vernon, what are you planning to study here? And why did you pick Korea of all places?” 

“Uh… undecided as of now. Just wanted a change, to experience something different than back at home.” Vernon shrugged his shoulders as he helped himself to the food in front of him, all of the boys digging into their dinner and beers without any hesitation. “I mean, I am half Korean and all so I think my parents wanted me to get to know my culture more too.” Vernon’s words weren’t exactly lies, but he wasn’t telling the whole truth either. It was more of a reality that his previous life back at home was fucked up and rather impossible to hold onto anymore, and this was one of the only options he had to settle for. 

 

Seokmin just nodded, listening to him for a moment before continuing the conversation. “That’s what most international students do though. Just learn about the country more than actually study, I guess.” 

“You should at least find something you like to do here though.” Seungkwan spoke up, lightly taking his can of beer to his lips and slightly grimacing as he tasted the warm brown liquid. “Remember a few hours ago when you were telling me about your basketball team? I’m sure we have a team that plays in the school. You could join it if you pass some sort of try-out.”

“Oh, you guys know Mingyu, right?” Soonyoung piped up, leaning into his buddies. “I heard he managed to get a position on the team this semester. I mean, he’s quite a bit taller than you, Vernon, but he’s got to be one of the most uncoordinated people I’ve ever met.” 

Vernon glance down at his lap as the trio of friends went off with their own inside joke, the three of them continuing with their teasing remarks towards someone he didn’t know. Despite the three of them being extremely close friends and knowing all about each other, he didn’t feel uncomfortable in their presence at all. It felt like he was welcome here and with a little time, he would be able to join in on their jokes and private interactions with each other. It wasn’t their company that made him feel a little out of it, but their comments about him participating in the Mugunghwa University basketball team caused him to really think about himself. 

Despite really loving his team back in the States and making his basketball career the main purpose of his life and having everything fall through, he really wasn’t interesting in getting wrapped up into that lifestyle again. He bit on his lip a bit solemnly, finding it to be a shame that he now looked at his favorite hobby as more of an obligation than something that he loved. Maybe he never even enjoyed basketball. Maybe all along he was just chasing after that perfect popular lifestyle and all the benefits that came along with being a star athlete. It just all seemed to fake and vapid now.

Vernon shook his head to himself, going unnoticed from the other guys as he took the alcohol to his mouth, chugging down a few mouthfuls rapidly before distracting himself with more food. Pushing all of those negative thoughts about the past away, he spent the rest of the night conversing with Seungkwan’s group of friends. They told him everything he’d ever need to know about the university, where all the best places to skip class would be, the people on campus that their friend group tended to avoid, as well as any girls he might be lucky to catch in his upcoming classes. The sky grew darker as the night passed quickly due to their interesting stories and gossip about their university lives. Vernon was lucky enough to learn more about Seungkwan and his friends due to them speaking their minds more freely due to their slight intoxication from the beers. 

Apparently their little circle was all worked up these days due to the spring musical being announced any day now. Soonyoung had a clear advantage to get into the one of the top spots, already attracting their instructor’s eyes due to his experiences with choreography in previous school productions. That left Seokmin and Seungkwan to be left as rivals for one of the top lead positions against the other countless theatre majors within their university. Vernon simply watched on as they excitedly speculated about which play would be announced and which of them would be the best for the lead role, furthermore going on to challenge each other to a high-note battle in which Vernon simply spectated while laughing his ass off. 

Their supply of dinner started to diminish, as well as almost all of Vernon’s American snacks he’d been planning to hoard for a few months. Vernon took a glance over at Seungkwan, who was currently clutching the last can of beer up to his lips, his cheeks and the tips of his ears flushed furiously from the drink. “Looks like someone can’t drink very well…” He commented out, as he lightly pinched the tip of his roommate’s ear, chuckling to himself as Seungkwan’s skin felt like it was burning up. “That’s only your second can, Boo.” Seungkwan looked over at him, his eyelids slightly drooping lazily as he attempted to roll his eyes back at Vernon, something that Vernon caught him doing a lot. 

“We should head back soon.” Soonyoung started out, raising his arms over his head to stretch out his body, his own slightly chubby cheeks starting to flush in a similar way to Seungkwan’s own. “Anyways though, Vernon, you seem cool. Let’s do it again sometime.” He offered his arms out to Vernon for what seemed like a hug, and Vernon returned it with a bit of hesitation but still found the gesture to be a bit funny. Guys back in America weren’t exactly as touchy as Seungkwan and his friends were, but that’s just a cultural difference he’d have to live with. 

Vernon caught Seokmin watching, the older male seemingly less intoxicated than either of his other two friends, and bowed his head down slightly. “You know…”Seokmin sat back, his back leaning into the side of Seungkwan’s bed. “Seungkwan got displaced from his previous room assignment last semester because his old roommate was a complete asshole.” 

“Don’t...talk about it…”Seungkwan called out tiredly, his eyelids already starting to betray him as they started to close on their own accord. Slowly he placed his head against his mattress, giving up on keeping his eyes open as his words drifted off to muffled consonants. 

“Anyways,” Seokmin continued on anyways, leaning over to Vernon so that his words were slightly whispered out. “That guy was a real douchebag. He gave Seungkwan the hardest time because he was, y’know, kind of…. well, out there.” Vernon’s eyebrows simply furrowed together, glancing up for further information from Seokmin. “I mean, you’re from America and all so I think it’s better he got paired up with a kind of guy like you. You guys are more progressive with stuff like this. Seungkwan isn’t exactly like the rest of the guys around here…”

Vernon glanced between the two best friends, still not exactly understanding at what they were trying to get at so he tried to read their facial expressions instead. Soonyoung just sighed and shook his head. “Let’s not speak in circles, let’s just say it. Seungkwan’s previous roommate was a homophobic piece of scum. End of story.” 

Seokmin raised his hand upwards, his long fingers rustling his hair a bit anxiously. “Yeah, that’s basically what I’m getting at…” 

“You mean, Seungkwan is into guys?” Vernon questioned out, completely taken back by the sudden revelation to the point that his mouth slightly hung open from the surprise of it all. His mouth opened and then shut again, not exactly knowing what kind of words would be right for the situation so he just gave up. “That’s um, fine with me? I don’t really care about that.” 

“Are you sure you’re really fine with it though? You’re not going to get all freaked out of you have to change clothes in front of him or sleep in the same room together?” Seokmin raised an eyebrow upwards as he tried to study Vernon’s expression carefully, the clear concern and care for his best friend clear in his disposition. 

Vernon didn’t even have to think for a second as he simply nodded firmly, a soft smile gracing his features. “Not a problem at all. Trust me, you won’t have to worry about anything like that.” 

Seokmin hesitated for a moment in thought before slowly smiling as well, but only after he had looked onto Soonyoung for convincing as well. “We just care about him a lot, like he’s our little brother or something. But… I do feel like you’ll be a good fit for him.” Seokmin let out a light sigh, his previously tensed shoulders relaxing back to normal as he glanced over fondly at Seungkwan, who was somehow sitting up with only his head against his mattress yet almost certainly already asleep. His fingers lightly ruffled the shorter boy’s light auburn hair, slightly rousing him from his sleep with his actions. “Move to your bed if you’re gonna sleep, Seungkwannie. You’ll fuck up your back if you sleep like that.” 

Seungkwan narrowed his eyes back at the male, shaking his head stubbornly. “You can’t make me.” 

“Well, Soonyoung can.” Seokmin called out, grinning to himself knowly as he snapped his fingers and Soonyoung deviously moved over to Seungkwan’s protesting self, hoisting his body up and lightly placing him down onto the mattress. Vernon could have sworn that he heard Seungkwan let out a growl, but shortly after being placed onto the bed he immediately drifted back into sleep again. 

Vernon found himself smiling to himself, looking back up at Seokmin as he moved to let them out of dorm room. “Thanks for telling me though. About Seungkwan.” Vernon spoke up a bit quietly, not exactly knowing why he felt like he should reassure him, but after seeing all of their fond actions with his roommate it was clear that they cared for Seungkwan deeply. “I’ll do my best and uh, I don’t have any plans on hurting him. I hope you can trust me to that.” 

After saying that, Vernon let his head bow down to both of his hyungs, not exactly sure why he felt so adamant to tell them something such as that. Even though he had only known Seungkwan for a short period of time, Seungkwan was the first person to take care of him in Korea and Vernon intended on doing the same for him as well. Whether it would turn into a resolute promise or something that would float around in the back of his mind, if Seungkwan was going to protect him, then he would be willing to protect Seungkwan as well.


	2. changing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which vernon makes a new friend, seungkwan obsesses about theatre arts, and vernon tries to get over his pre-conceived thoughts about high school masculinity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> / / i had a lot of this written ahead of time before posting. now i'm deciding on a publishing schedule. my goal is for every thursday which means march 3 will be next? feel free to urge me to write faster on tumblr if i fuck up / / 
> 
>  
> 
> find me at citruseungkwan on tumblr if you want me.

Vernon usually didn’t get jetlag. Whenever he had traveled back and forth between New York and Korea for various family vacations, the change in time zone rarely affected him much. Yet when the first day of his semester started, he couldn’t seem to drag himself out of his bed despite how loudly Seungkwan had been humming to himself in the shower. 

There was something a bit nerve racking about starting his first day at his new university, surrounded by a population of students that were drastically different than himself. Perhaps because of all the nervousness that had built up due to his worrying, he hadn’t been able to get enough sleep recently. 

“Vernonnie!” Seungkwan called out to him in song, this being one of the numerous attempts to wake his roommate up. “You have a 9 AM class today, right? If you get up right now, that leaves you with about 30 minutes to get ready and find your classroom.” 

In response, Seungkwan only received a muffled grumble and Vernon drew his comforter over his head. 

“Looks like someone isn’t a morning person…” Seungkwan hummed softly to himself, making his way over to the younger male’s bed and hesitantly sitting down on the edge, careful enough not to shake up a sleepy Vernon too much in the process. His fingers lightly traveled over the comforter, waiting for the right moment before slowly stripping it away from Vernon. “Time to wake up, sleepy-head. Someone’s gonna be late for their first class if they don’t wake up soon.” 

Vernon let out another mix of grumbles and a sigh as he cracked one eye open to stare up at Seungkwan. “You sound like my mom.” 

“Well, I am older.” Seungkwan clicked his tongue, nodding in agreement. “And you are a foreigner so you have a disadvantage here. I guess I should be the one to take care of you.” 

“I’m eighteen. I can take care of myself.” Vernon mumbled out to himself a bit stubbornly as he glanced up at his roommate, instantly getting hit by a wave of scent from whatever cologne Seungkwan had recently put on. The scent reminded him of the same one he had experienced when he used Seungkwan’s pillow a few days ago. 

“If we’re following Korean ages, I’m nineteen. You don’t follow Korean ages back in America so you can stay eighteen.” Seungkwan just grinned at him cheekily, leaning forward slightly to pick at a lock of Vernon’s hair that had stuck up sometime during his slumber.

Vernon paused slightly to inhale a bit more of the scent that came off of Seungkwan’s clothes, then let out a light sigh as he tried to blink away his groggy eyes. He noticed Seungkwan was dressed in a navy blue sweater with a neat white collared shirt sticking out from underneath it. “Do most of the students dress up here, or is it just you?” Vernon raised an eyebrow, glancing up and down as he noticed the male was wearing some nice black dress pants as well.   
“Nope, not really. I just have my first theatre class today, so I’m probably going to be on the stage in front of some other students. Just want to look a little professional.” Seungkwan admitted, raising his hand upwards to fix at his hair somewhat before glancing down at his outfit. “Does it look like I’m trying too hard?” 

Vernon simply shrugged his shoulders. “Looks fine to me.” 

Seungkwan smiled softly to himself, nodding a few times as there was a moment of silence between the two boys. Vernon was still having a bit of trouble deciding whether or not he wanted to get out of bed or not. Yet with Seungkwan sitting by his bedside, it was pretty certain that he wouldn’t be allowed to doze off again without being jostled awake. He pushed his bottom lip outward, letting out a groan as he attempted to stretch his muscles while still laying down. 

Seungkwan gave him space, not bothering him too much so that he was actually able to wake up without getting grumpy in the morning. While Vernon collected his thoughts, he noticed the way that the sunlight filtering through the slightly cracked blinds behind Seungkwan was able to reflect off of his roommate’s hair, the strands of his auburn hair appearing more red than he had previously notices. The color slightly reminded him of raspberry jam or something stupid like that, causing a small smug grin to form on his features. 

“Hm?” Seungkwan questioned to him, his head tipping to the side slightly. “What’s funny?”

“I never noticed your hair was so….red.” 

Seungkwan raised an eyebrow up, staring down at him in a bit of confusion. “And that’s funny for some reason?” 

“No. It’s not funny at all. But then it reminded me of eating jam or something so then I realized my thought process is kind of stupid, huh?” Vernon admitted to himself with a small laugh, grinning upwards at Seungkwan who just seemed to shake his head. 

“Sounds really stupid actually. Maybe you only thought of it because you’re hungry. You know, usually I head down to the cafe to get something before my classes. We could go together if you can get ready within like… 5 minutes or less.” 

“Nah,” Vernon commented, adjusting his body somewhat so he was sitting up slightly. Seungkwan was sitting down on his comforter, trapping him from moving too much. “I have to find my classroom still.” 

“But I took you on that tour and showed you every classroom already…” Seungkwan replied, looking over at him with narrowed eyes. “It was only like two days ago.”

“Well, I might have already forgot.” With a toothy grin, Vernon lightly pushed at his roommates shoulders, moving him out of the way so he could actually get up and out of his nest of a bed. “This university is kind of big after all. And for some reason when all of the signs are written in Korean it’s hard for my brain to memorize them.” 

“But you can speak Korean pretty much fluently so what sense does that make-” 

“It’s just the way my brain works.” Vernon’s shoulders shrugged as he made his way over to the closet, ruffling between his various collection of hoodies and long sleeved shirts in search of something warm and comfortable to wear. Whatever he wore to class didn’t really have to be anything pre-planned or meant for capturing attention like his roommate had chosen. He just stuck to a tight pair of black jeans and a red plaid flannel. 

Seungkwan, who had still been sitting on the edge of Vernon’s bed, made his way back over to his own desk, prepping his bag with all of the supplies he’d need for the school day. “Well, I guess I could take you to your first classroom if you really don’t think you’ll remember it.” He mumbled out to himself, not bothering to glance over at Vernon who was in the process of changing behind him. 

“Really? Think you got enough free time to do that?” 

“I start my theatre arts class at 10, so I have the whole hour free.” Seungkwan replied with a small nod. “Usually I meet up with Seokmin and Soonyoung at the cafe and we eat breakfast together. We’re all in the same class together so we meet up early to talk about what we plan for our auditions and practices together.” 

As Vernon finished up changing into his new set of clothes, he made his way over to Seungkwan with his own schedule. His eyebrows crinkled up slightly as he examined his classes, trying to recall the building locations that were spread out all over the vast property of their university. “So I guess I go to biology at 9AM? Damn, that sounds like an awful decision looking back on it.” 

Seungkwan chuckled lightly, peering over his shoulder slightly to take a look. “That’s a rookie mistake. Everyone knows that the earliest possible hour to wake up for class should be 10AM.” 

“Hey, do you have any of the same classes with me?” Vernon questioned out, eyes scanning over his own schedule for a moment. He only had to take some general classes because his major was still undecided. His days from now on would consist of studying biology, history, calculus, and creative writing. It wasn’t the most exciting schedule, but at least it didn’t seem to be too hard. 

“I don’t think so. We have completely different majors after all.” Seungkwan hummed to himself softly as his eyes glanced over the paper, examining all of the rooms and times that Vernon would have to memorize. “Hm, we have nothing together. I have to take theatre arts, choir, musical composition, and then Shakespearean literature.” 

Vernon’s eyes traveled to meet Seungkwan’s own, letting out a muffled laugh. “That’s just so…you.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Seungkwan replied with a light punch to Vernon’s shoulder despite laughing a bit himself, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “Now hurry up and go brush your teeth before I leave without you.” 

. . . . . 

Vernon had to admit it. By somehow convincing Seungkwan that he had forgotten the locations of his classrooms, he was incredibly relieved to have someone walk him to his class. He had remembered most of the directions to where he needed to go, but just the what-if possibilities of getting lost and looking like a confused foreigner somehow made him uncertain. Then if he actually got too preoccupied in his thoughts and ended up worrying too much he would have probably gotten lost for real. That’s why he was a bit happy with convincing Seungkwan to accompany him there. 

With Seungkwan by his side, walking throughout the campus didn’t seem to make him nervous at all. His roommate was quite the talker and ended up leading most of their conversations, and Vernon didn’t mind at all. When he was conversing with Seungkwan, it distracted him from noticing the way that sometimes people would stare at him. Acknowledging that he was still different and not like everyone else here. It was something that happened in Korea before and he should have been used to it by now, yet sometimes the staring still made him feel a bit self conscious. 

Talking with Seungkwan was easy and carefree. Usually he could get lost just by listening to the older male go on with his stories. If he didn’t feel like it, he didn’t have to reply much either. Seungkwan knew he was the type to prefer listening and speaking up whenever he had something to add. 

Having at least one friend within a university filled with countless numbers of students who didn’t seem to look anything like him was extremely reassuring to say the least. As the two of them approached the doorway of Vernon’s first classroom, Seungkwan lightly patted the younger male on the back. “It’s this one, and take a look at your surroundings so you can actually find your way back here tomorrow.” 

Vernon hesitated a bit, nodding to himself as he took a glance down the hallway and back at Seungkwan again. “There’s a few minutes before class starts. Wanna go find a seat with me?” 

Seungkwan simply rolled his eyes, leaning back over to press at his shoulder lightly. “You can’t rely on me to do everything for you.” He responded back a bit teasingly, not actually intending on leaving Vernon without help though. “Go and find some friends. You’re going to get bored of me if you don’t meet any other people.”

He locked eyes with Seungkwan who seemed a little too excited for his own good, his dark brown eyes only having to look up slightly in order to meet Vernon’s gaze. Right now, Seungkwan was the only thing familiar to him and as soon as Seungkwan left him he’d probably start worrying all over again. Vernon smiled to himself slightly, letting out a small chuckle as he shook his head, letting those thoughts get off of his mind. “If I get lost again I’ll text you.” 

“Sounds good.” Seungkwan replied back with a cheerful smile that reassured Vernon more than he would ever know. “We both have a break in our schedule’s that’s sort of around lunch time. If you don’t have any other plans, meet me in the cafeteria?” 

“Mhm, I’ll be there.” Vernon decided, nodding a few times as a bit of comfortable silence settled in between the two of them, each male sort of smiling at each other and waiting for the other to make a move to leave first. It was Seungkwan who decided to head out first, cheekily nudging Vernon’s shoulder and pushing him slightly into the classroom before disappearing somewhere in the hallway.

So Vernon lingered in the hallway for as long as it took for most of the majority of the seats to fill up. Then once most of the seats were filled, he quietly made his way into the classroom with his head somewhat lowered. He didn’t need to draw too much attention to himself. 

The lecture started shortly after, and Vernon was able to understand nearly everything without having to look up any words online. He had never attended any school in Korea before so he wasn’t sure if it would be too challenging for his level of understanding, but it didn’t seem to be too bad. He could survive by looking up some new vocab terms on his phone. 

Just as he was about to pack up his stuff and head to his next class, the way that the student next to him was staring made him pause for a second. 

“I’m sorry for bothering you,” The male started off hesitantly, and Vernon almost exactly knew what he would be saying next. He heard it countless times before. “...but by any chance are you mixed?” 

The question made Vernon slightly clench his jaw, already expecting to get asked a hoard of questions that would make him explain his whole family situation and tell his whole life story out to a complete stranger. Either that, or he would be asked to tutor in English or something. 

“Half American.” 

Vernon noticed the way that his classmate’s expression completely lit up, a sign that usually meant that he would be examined like a zoo animal or treated like some rare spectacle. Yet at the same time, there was something about the man's expression he didn’t understand. He looked almost relieved? 

“Oh, I was really hoping for that.” Responding in English and taking Vernon completely off guard, his classmate’s soft smile seemed to reach his eyes. “I’m American too, here on exchange. By any chance did you understand that professor? Sometimes he was mumbling and I lost track of translating things back into English in my head.” 

Vernon had misjudged his intentions. Feeling slightly guilty of his thoughts for immediately heading into that direction, he smiled back and slightly bowed his head, reaching up to scratch at the back of his head a bit embarrassedly. “Yeah I can sort of understand most of it too, but I think we’re going to have to translate sometimes. Just like constantly keep our translation apps open and just record it.” 

The stranger laughed lightly at Vernon’s words, agreeing with him. “I started here last semester, but this is my first time taking a science class in Korean. I think all of the new vocabulary terms I have to learn are going to get annoying. I never even thought about learning science in a different language before.” 

“Well, this is my first week here actually. I’m a late transfer.” Vernon responded back, extending his hand out towards his classmate who seemed to be a potential new friend for him. “My name’s Vernon. I’m originally from upstate New York.” 

“I’m Joshua, but call me Josh if you’d prefer. From Southern Los Angeles.” The new acquaintance introduced himself, lightly grasping Vernon’s hand in a handshake as he continued speaking comfortably in the language that he preferred. “It’s nice to meet someone from the same country though. In all honesty, my Korean isn’t all that great so it would be helpful if we could compare notes sometime.” 

“Yeah, no problem, man.” Vernon responded back, also feeling like it would be a good opportunity to work together if they both needed help in the class. Sometimes he felt like people would want to make friends with him just to work on speaking English, but clearly Joshua was not expecting that. Joshua probably went through much of the same things that Vernon did now that they were both living in a foreign university as international students. Vernon didn’t mind opening himself up a bit towards the new face at all. 

“Hey, where are you headed next?” Vernon asked first as they made their way into the crowded corridor, pulling out his schedule and comparing it to Josh’s. “Ah, history? I think we have that class together, unless the room numbers are different.” 

“Nope, they match up perfectly so I think we’re going to be classmates again.” Joshua replied with a bright smile, seeming to let out a contented sigh as they paused to figure out which direction they had to head off to next. At least if they were going to get lost, they could do it together. “Maybe because we’re both internationals they decide to lump us all together?” 

“Suppose so.” Vernon replied back with a shrug of his shoulders, feeling a bit better with just a little bit of company by his side. Although he didn’t really know Joshua too well, the familiar English conversation shared between the two of them made things all the more relaxing. 

If Joshua hadn’t spoken up to Vernon first, the two of them probably wouldn’t have ever exchanged names and discovered each other as international students. Vernon was too easy going all the time. It wasn’t exactly a bad thing, but he just adapted to situations with ease, living a relatively relaxed lifestyle and going with the flow of things. If nobody approached him first, he didn’t mind sitting in class alone and keeping to himself. But as much as he had read Joshua’s intentions at first, he was pretty happy that the male had decided to speak up. 

Joshua was chill to hang around, but they most likely would have never became friends if they went to the same high school. Vernon’s usual jock crowd didn’t usually tend to hang around Joshua’s type. He was quite artistic and musically gifted, from what Vernon had learned about him in between quiet conversation during class. His old group at high school also probably wouldn’t even let a guy with a cartilage ear piercing in their group, let alone one of a large silver cross that spread out over the expanse of skin. And when Vernon’s fingers accidentally touched Joshua’s own while they passed around an attendance sheet, his old crew would not be down for any guitar players. It was clear by the slightly hardened skin on Josh’s fingertips that he clearly had a passion from that. 

But this wasn’t his old lifestyle. Which made inviting someone like Joshua into his life seemed to be a refreshing change. Yet somehow Joshua still made him feel like he was at home? It was an interesting blending of feelings that he couldn’t explain. 

Upon checking with Joshua’s plans for the afternoon, he also noticed that they seemed to have the same lunch break as well. Despite receiving an invitation from Seungkwan to meet for lunch, he wasn’t exactly sure if it was meant just to be for himself or open to anyone. Either way, he didn’t want to leave Joshua hanging without anybody during the hour so they went together. 

Hopefully, since Seungkwan and Joshua both had some interest in music then the two of them would be able to have something in common to talk about. 

As they entered the packed cafeteria and eventually found Seungkwan after a few minutes of searching, Vernon was pleasantly surprised to see Seokmin and Soonyoung already accompanying Seungkwan there. Now his uninvited guest wouldn’t feel so much like a third wheel. 

And just like he had already known, Seungkwan didn’t mind at all as Vernon introduced his new friend into their group. Maybe things had worked out too well, because once Seungkwan found out that Joshua also had musical composition next period, the two of them went off talking about their favorite artists and songs and whatever else Vernon didn’t recognize in the world of music. So Vernon spent his lunch joking around more with Seungkwan’s friends, getting to know them a bit more in the process as well. He felt himself slipping in with their group. Like he belonged somewhere now. 

Despite being involved in a length discussion with Joshua, Seungkwan happened to meet Vernon’s gaze. Seungkwan’s expression softened a bit, smiling over at Vernon with a relaxed sense of happiness taking over his features. Vernon unintentionally found himself smiling back at Seungkwan before he could really stop himself, and he let out a breathy sigh after he realized that he was getting kind of emotional for some reason. It felt easy to be here. 

. . . . . 

Just a few days after the beginning of the semester, Vernon had been alone in the shared dorm room. On Mondays, Seungkwan was going to be coming home late due to theatre production meetings in preparation for whatever spring musical the university would be putting on. That left Vernon all alone in the dorm room until about 8PM, where he would be silently hoping for Seungkwan to come back quickly. It wasn’t like he’d go to the dining hall for dinner all by himself after all. 

Flicking between his various phone apps for the past hour, he was running out of ways to entertain himself. Just when he was considering maybe venturing off to find a vending machine to get snacks at, his always enthusiastic roommate was back in a split second. He nearly smashed a hole into the wall as he flung the door open. “Vernon, we have a situation.” Seungkwan’s front bangs were slightly sticking to his forehead, clearly evident that he had been in a hurry back to the dorm room and rushed over immediately. 

“Oh my god, Seungkwan. What’s wrong?” Vernon was up in a second off his bed, nearly forgetting about the mini-heart attack he suffered from Seungkwan’s abrupt entrance as he made his way over to his roommate. “Did something happen?” Vernon’s gaze lowered slightly, examining the shorter male’s expression carefully in order to check for anything wrong. 

“The spring musical was announced. Just. Seconds. Ago.” Seungkwan paused dramatically after every single word, the excitement clearly visible within his widened eyes. 

Vernon’s lips parted, his jaw hanging open for a second as the words sunk in. He waited for Seungkwan to say something else, but Seungkwan was just looking for him to say something in response. So Vernon frustratedly ran a hand through his locks and let out a groan. “Are you fucking kidding me, Boo Seungkwan?” 

“No, I’m actually not kidding and they literally did it at the last minute-” 

“That’s not what I meant-” Vernon let out a deep breath as the tried to calm down his heart from the previous shock before, still feeling a bit worked up from whatever adrenaline raced through him before. “I thought something bad happened, like you were hurt or something!” 

“Oh.” Seungkwan just deadpanned, his lips forming into a small o-shape. “Nothing like that.” 

Vernon shook his head incredulously at his roommate. Both of his hands fell to Seungkwan’s shoulders, slightly shaking the male’s body back and forth in his frustration. “How can someone be so dramatic at every single moment of their life? I swear, your reaction is always so goddamn extra and it catches me off guard every single time.” 

“It makes life interesting, huh?” Seungkwan easily replied with a smug smile to himself, causing Vernon to groan out loud. 

“You worry me sometimes, Boo.” Vernon just muttered out as he gave up and went back to his bed, lazily sprawling out all over his blanket carelessly. The sudden changes in emotions from being surprised and then worried and then relieved was a lot to handle. It made him awfully tired out. “Continue your story, I guess…” 

“We spent the whole club meeting just being asked to show off our abilities, sort of like a mini audition.” Seungkwan eagerly explained further, quickly stripping off his bag and putting his jacket away before heading to Vernon’s bedside to sit. They never really cared about their personal bed spaces being used while they were hanging out, so Vernon really didn’t mind if Seungkwan occasionally hung out on his side of the room. 

“Don’t you do that like everyday within the theatre class too?” 

“Yeah, kinda but this is for those students who actually want to put on the show.” Seungkwan managed to comment before quickly rambling on with his own story. “So get this, they announced the story that we’re going to be adapting for the spring musical. I heard from Seokmin and Soonyoung that usually it doesn’t matter if we pick a Korean musical or one from abroad because we just translate all the dialogue and songs into Korean so it’s not a problem-” He was speaking so quickly that he was forced to take a breath in between, pausing slightly as well for more of a dramatic effect. 

“So then... what’s the title?” Vernon urged him on, sensing that Seungkwan wanted him to get equally as excited about it. 

“It’s an American play! And we have to sing the songs in English!” His enthusiastic roommate’s eyes widened to double their size, emphasizing his excitement with a series of hand gestures while he was talking. “But here’s the problem! I’ve never seen the movie adaption that we’re going to turn into the play. I don’t even know any of the songs off the top of my head yet! I’m totally going to fall behind everyone else!” 

Vernon tried to think along with Seungkwan’s thought process, yet he couldn’t exactly see how much of a big problem this was. His eyebrows knitted together as he tried to reason with it. “Then go watch the movie online, and when you need help learning the songs in English I can help you with your pronunciation. Or maybe Joshua would be a better choice because he’s into music and all…” 

“We have to start writing up the storyboard and ideas for stage set up tomorrow morning though!” Seungkwan replied loudly, throwing himself down onto Vernon’s mattress with a huff. “I’ve never even watched that movie in my whole life, but yet everyone else seems to know it. It’s called like Grease or something? Is it even that popular?” 

Seungkwan’s words caused Vernon to finally crack a bit of a smile, glancing over at his emotional friend amusedly. “Seungkwan, that’s only like one of the most popular and iconic movies of all time.” 

“Maybe, but it’s not on Broadway or anything like that.” Seungkwan responded back stubbornly with a quick roll of his eyes, his lower lip slightly jutting out. “We’re going to adapt the movie into a stage play so it’s going to be a lot of work.” 

Vernon rolled onto his side from where he had previously been laying, looking down at examine Seungkwan’s expression with a hint of amusement. One finger lightly poked at Seungkwan’s plump lower lip. His finger was swatted away almost instantly, and when Vernon tried to repeat the action Seungkwan silently threatened to bite it. “You can pout all you want, but wouldn’t that be wasting your precious time to watch Grease all night and get a head start for tomorrow?” 

Seungkwan agreed with a reluctant nod, glancing over at Vernon with a bit of questioning in his eyes as he bit on his lower lip. “Mind if we don’t go out for dinner tonight? Let’s just call in some takeout and watch the movie.” 

“Oh, so now I have to watch the movie too?” One of Vernon’s eyebrows raised up in inquisition, still feeling a little playful as he pretended to put on a stubborn front. “I’ll watch it with you if you pay for dinner this time. Spicy garlic soy chicken wings with extra dipping sauces please.” 

Seungkwan responded by rolling his eyes yet again, something that Vernon probably would have to witness thousands of times in his life. Despite playing along with him, Seungkwan took out his phone and started calling in the order as Vernon searched online to find a version of the film with subtitles for his friend. 

The two boys started their movie night as soon as their food arrived, deciding to spread out all of their dinner and side dishes over the expanse of Vernon’s bed as they huddled around the laptop screen. “You know…” Vernon started out, grabbing his comforter and draping it over his shoulders similarly to a cape. “If you end up spilling any cola or chicken wing sauce on my bed, I’ll hold you responsible for washing my sheets.” 

“Oh, shut up.” Seungkwan emphasized, already starting in on one of the chicken wings as he talked with his mouth full. “I know you haven’t washed your sheets since you moved in here. They need to be washed weekly, at least!” 

Vernon copied Seungkwan’s signature habit, letting his own eyes roll around for effect. “Just a few weeks of use won’t be too bad. It’s not like I’m on some sports team and getting dirty all the time.” 

“All teenage boys are dirty, Vernon, whether you realize it or not.” 

“What the hell does that make you then?” Vernon retaliated, grinning to himself as he licked a bit of sauce off of his lower lip, making Seungkwan grimace slightly. 

“This is exactly what I mean.” Seungkwan replied, grabbing a napkin and lightly pressing it against Vernon’s lip to clear away all of the spicy red sauce that had accumulated there. “I’m an adult because I like my things neat, clean, and perfect. You’ll know you’re an adult once you start getting boring like this.” 

“Nah, no thanks then.” 

“Whatever. Anyways, speaking of teenage athletes before though, did you meet anyone that you could talk to about the basketball team here?” Seungkwan questioned to him curiously. “Whether you noticed or not, my birthday is next week so you could probably meet Mingyu at my party. He’s that guy me and Soonyoung and Seokmin were talking about.” 

“Ah, I remember you mentioning him. Clumsy and tall?” Vernon recalled to himself for a second, receiving a nod of affirmation from his roommate. “I haven’t, well, really thought about joining a team again...”

He trailed off for a bit from the conversation, causing Seungkwan to stop eating for a split second and glance up at him. “I saw your facebook and insta accounts though. I thought basketball was your life.” Seungkwan emphasized, eyes widening a bit as he stared at Vernon in a way like he was expecting some kind of answer. 

Vernon didn’t have anything to say about it. His shoulders simply shrugged up as he averted his eyes back down to his old dinner. “Uh…I guess so? I dunno-” He shook his head back and forth, feeling a little tongue-tied as he tried to explain it. “....it’s just not the same as it was before?” 

He watched as Seungkwan’s head lightly tipped to one side, a sign that he was trying to understand what Vernon was trying to convey to him. “Do you mean that maybe because your old team is back in America, it feels like betraying them to play for another team?” 

Vernon didn’t exactly know why he felt some sort of nuisance from the thought of getting wrapped up in his previous athlete lifestyle. He didn’t have and reason or explanation. It just gave him a headache if he tried to come up with some sort of answer behind his hesitation. So he just agreed with Seungkwan with an almost inaudible sigh. “Yeah, exactly.” 

Although Vernon was usually not as much as a extrovert as Seungkwan was, the questions about himself bothered him enough to the point where he noticed himself being more quiet and brief than usual. Almost to the point where he could notice that Seungkwan seemed to pick up on some of his feelings of restlessness. Seungkwan directly looked into his eyes and smiled faintly. 

It was something of a silent agreement not to press the issue forward. Something Vernon greatly appreciated and felt more than relieved at his friend’s willingness to respect his space. That wasn’t something Seungkwan did too often. He always seemed like a person who had no barriers, with overwhelming emotions that emanate unrestrictedly from his body at all times. Yet for some reason, he suppressed his curious nature to dig in more. 

Vernon got the feeling that Seungkwan had picked up on whatever his previous feeling was and perhaps even understood it more than he did himself. Seungkwan averted his gaze away. “Damn, I lost track of time talking and missed the beginning.” Turning back to the computer screen that showcased the film, Seungkwan restarted the movie and Vernon swallowed a lump in his throat that he didn’t remember forming there. “Vernon, did you ever watch this movie before?” 

“Uh, it’s like one of the most popular films in all movie history. Of course I have.” Vernon replied distractedly, carefully tossing the remnants of the last chicken wing into the container. Seungkwan took a few seconds to secure their food trash back in the takeout bag before throwing it on the floor and curling back into a comfortable position. Vernon’s bed was only twin sized, but both of them could fit with a little work if they both layed on their sides. 

“I’m probably going to have a lot of questions, so be prepared to pause the movie often-” Seungkwan started off, making a stretch for a notebook on Vernon’s desk with a bit of difficulty but eventually he grasped it. “I’m aiming for the lead male character, so if there’s any information you mind find valuable, let me know.” 

Vernon noticed that Seungkwan was already working on setting up some sort of organized system of columns in the notebook, scribbling a list of notes already before the opening credits of the movie even rolled by. “Hm, what’s with this dedication?” Peering over the smaller male’s shoulder slightly from where he was sitting, his eyes narrowed slightly to get a better look. “Can’t you just imitate the actions and songs and go from there?” 

“Not exactly.” He almost expected to receive some sort of eyeroll for asking what seemed like a stupid question, but Seungkwan just shook his head and kept planning away. “I try to get involved with some of the planning aspects of the theatre productions. A.K.A, suck up to the teacher, do some of the dirty work, and then maybe I’ll get the lead part.” 

Vernon hummed to himself in response, understanding Seungkwan’s intentions more than before. “You’re only a freshman though. Is it really so likely that you’ll be able to aim for the lead when there’s probably some seniors competing too?” 

“Heh, not with a voice like mine.” Seungkwan clicked his tongue, grinning over a Vernon with a gleam of confidence in his eyes. “Just wait until you hear me perform someday. You’re really going to think differently of me after that.” 

“Sing for me now then?”

“Nah, the atmosphere isn’t right.” Seungkwan flicked a few stands of his dark red locks out of his vision, furthermore concentrating on the movie with his pen clutched readily in one hand. “Plus I have to have full knowledge about this movie by 10AM for class tomorrow so…” 

“That means stop talking, right?” Vernon asked out jokingly, yet Seungkwan answered him with a quick ‘yes’ and it made him chuckle to himself. “Alright, alright. I won’t interrupt unless it’s an answer to one of your questions.” 

So the pair of roommates gave the movie their undivided attention. Well, all of Seungkwan’s attention, that is. Vernon had seen the movie and heard the songs as much times as he’d ever needed to, having his younger sister being quite a fan after all. Especially coming from his sister and all of her middle school aged friends, the songs in the movie brought back memories from when she’d have friends over at a sleepover. They’d stay up late and watch chick flicks in the living room when Vernon wanted to watch his own shows, so he’d give them a bit of a hard time and maybe pull a prank on them or something. Recalling the memories made him smile a bit, biting back his grin as it threatened to spill over. He didn’t want Seungkwan thinking he actually enjoyed some kind of movie like this anyways. That would ruin his reputation instantly. 

Somehow in between pausing the movie at multiple times and answering Seungkwan’s questions about the movie characters, and keys to pronouncing words in the English songs, the two of them realized it was getting quite late. Instead of lasting two hours like a normal film, the amount of times that they paused the film and got lost talking brought them somewhere past 1 in the morning. 

As the movie was winding down, Vernon glanced over at Seungkwan, his eyes already dazed and sluggish from the night winding down. He seemed to be enjoying the movie enough, forcing himself to stay awake despite his eyelids growing heavy and threatening to sink shut multiple times. Vernon watched quietly as Seungkwan nearly did fall asleep once, muffling his own soft chuckles with a hand over his mouth as Seungkwan’s head rolled forward and almost collided with the laptop. 

Vernon’s voice sunk down to a tone lower than he usually spoke in, much more hushed and deeper in order not to rouse Seungkwan from whatever peaceful vibe had taken him over. “Boo, just go to bed already.” 

“There’s twenty minutes left, I have to see how it ends.” Seungkwan protested lazily, nearly slurring his words simply because the effects of his exhaustion were starting to set in. 

“Here, let’s fast forward it-” 

“Don’t you dare, Chwe Hansol.” He fake threatened his roommate, making Vernon pull his hand away from the laptop dejectedly. “If I don’t fully grasp the vibe of the American 1950’s by tonight, you will be dragged to the nearest drive in movie theatre and also pay for our burgers and milkshakes.” 

“Okay. Good luck with that.” Vernon gave in to Seungkwan’s persuasion, knowing his roommate all too well enough that Seungkwan most likely would make him go on some wild goosechase to re-create the American 1950’s within the country of South Korea. It was just such a Seungkwan thing to do. 

Without pestering Seungkwan to go to bed any longer, he kept quiet and waited for the movie to finish. He turned to Seungkwan and expected him to say something about the ending, yet Seungkwan’s head didn’t move off of one of the pillow’s he had been borrowing from Vernon. After three seconds of staring at the back of Seungkwan’s head, Vernon could clearly hear the light almost inaudible sounds of Seungkwan’s rhythmic breathing. He was already passed out. 

With a helpless sigh, Vernon shut his laptop and placed it aside. He contemplated what to do for a moment. Seungkwan was already encompassed in a deep sleep. Once Seungkwan was out, he was down for the night. Vernon bit at his lip, carefully sliding away from Seungkwan’s form as he tried not to wake him up. He headed to the bathroom to wash up, also creating a bit of noise in the process to hopefully get Seungkwan to realize he was preparing for bed now and oust him out of his space. 

Yet when he returned, Seungkwan’s mess of reddish brown locks didn’t seem to move out of place not even one bit.

Vernon crouched down next to his roommate, lightly pawing at his shoulder to get him to wake up. “Seungkwan. Seungkwan-ah.” He called out to him in barely a whisper, forced to raise his voice slightly louder as Seungkwan seemed to nuzzle into the pillow more with his face. A clear refusal to get up. “Seungkwan, time to go to sleep.” 

“I am asleep.” Vernon only received a weak mumbling of words back, barely audible since Seungkwan’s face was currently smashed into a pillow. 

“I mean in your own bed.”

Seungkwan went silent. Probably slipping back into his sleep. Vernon stood up and started making his way over Seungkwan’s body, climbing onto the slim area of the mattress against the wall that wasn’t currently being occupied by his roommate. He used the cramped area to push himself slightly against Seungkwan’s sleeping form, hoping he would get the clue to get up and move to his own bed. 

As Vernon tried to slightly pull some of his blankets out from under his friend’s body, Seungkwan only responded by letting out a series of unintelligible grumbles. Vernon let out a deep sigh, stopping his fight with the blanket and just speaking up. “Seungkwan, get over to your side already.” 

“I’m comfortable.” 

“Yeah, but I’m uncomfortable.” Vernon emphasized, his back nearly all cramped up against the wall. 

Seungkwan argued back at him with a weak whine. “It’s warm here. Don’t make me leave.” 

“Yeah, but--” Vernon started to speak out but stopped himself from raising his voice. As he was feeling his own exhaustion starting to set in, he was starting to get a little frustrated. “Listen, I don’t know if you usually sleep together in bed with other guys but I’m not like that.” 

“This is Korea, it doesn’t matter.” Seungkwan mumbled, scooting slightly further away from Vernon as he managed to shrug his shoulders while still lying down. “I sleep on Seokmin and Soonyoung’s beds all the time.” 

“But why do we need to share a bed when we have two?” 

“Fine, go sleep on my bed then.” Seungkwan puffed his cheeks slightly, letting out a sigh to himself as he kept his eyes closed. His form made no movements to get off of Vernon’s bed. 

Vernon glanced at the shining red numbers illuminated by Seungkwan’s digital alarm clock, noting that it was almost 2AM and they were getting nowhere near sleeping anytime soon. “Come on, Seungkwan. I want to use my own bed.” He tried to reason with him slightly, making his tone a bit more sweet than it had previously been moments before. “I know it means nothing to you, but in America when two guys share a bed it means that they’re gay and-” 

“So?” Seungkwan interrupted him, even though Vernon had previously thought he was drifting into sleep again. “If you hadn’t noticed, I am gay.” 

“I mean, I know but-” 

“But you’re not? I know. That was established to me in the beginning, on the first day we met.” Seungkwan replied back instantly, and Vernon knew that if Seungkwan’s eyes were open right now then he would probably be rolling them into the back of his head. “I guess if I’m your gay roommate, you’re afraid to sleep next to me because you think I’ll come onto you or something like that?” 

“It’s not like that…” 

“Then if it’s not like that, then what’s the problem with it? I’m comfortable, it’s nice and warm over here and I want to sleep next to you so I can leech off of your warmth. It’s fucking cold and snowy outside and the heater isn’t doing so much for me, so I’m purely here to reap your body heat. Got it?” 

Vernon’s parted lips that had been so willing to interject after Seungkwan’s statement just closed after that. As much as he previously had wanted to speak up against it just seconds ago, something about Seungkwan’s intentions didn’t seem to bother him as much as he thought it would. Even back in America, guys didn’t do things like share beds but there wasn’t anyone who would even know if he shared a bed with Seungkwan this one time. After being kind of lectured by Seungkwan, he didn’t really have any reason to protest anymore. 

With a barely audible huff, he stubbornly gave into his roommate’s selfish demands, slowly pressing himself into as much of the mattress that was left over as possible. As he felt his weighted body sinking into the plush material, his body also picked up on the heat that Seungkwan was emitting from next to him, slightly shivering at the sensation as he felt his previously cold skin warming up. The hairs on his forearms stood up from the sensation. He had never really realized how cold their room had gotten until he left the bed to go brush his teeth a few minutes ago. 

Seungkwan’s idea didn’t seem too bad now. He would probably regret the stiff joints and cramps in his body the next morning from being pressed into such a small space, but the heat payoff from his friend was too good to pass off. As he slid his heavy comforter over his own body, he slung some of the material over Seungkwan as well. If he could listen closely enough, he could even hear Seungkwan let out a little happy sigh of contentment on the pillow next to him. 

It was something he never could have imagined doing back home, but this was his new life after all. In order to change his life, he’d have to work on changing his thoughts first.


	3. running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which vernon helps seungkwan practice for the lead, vernon attempts to rap some verses, and seungkwan's birthday becomes a memorable night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. i love you.   
> :) next update will be 3/9

As rehearsals passed by and the overall concept of their university’s spring musical was scripted up, the amount of hours that Seungkwan relied on Vernon for English help grew more and more numerous. A few weeks passed by since Vernon had experienced his first movie night with his roommate. Despite having to listen to the god damned soundtrack from the film nearly every night, he never really did seem to get sick of assisting Seungkwan with his practice. Of course he wouldn’t say that Seungkwan’s English was well, great, but his pronunciation was close enough most of the time. At least it gave him some potential to work off on. 

Most of their practice sessions consisted of Seungkwan picking apart certain English words that he didn’t know the meaning of, or highlighting key words that he’d have to work on pronouncing more. Despite knowing that Seungkwan was musically gifted, the other rarely actually sang while in his presence. Vernon knew he was good. But that was only estimating from what he had heard during the time the SoonSeokBoo trio had a high note battle, or during quiet morning showers that he could make out Seungkwan’s distinct melodic humming through the door. 

Occasionally the Jeju boy would pace around their small and cluttered dorm room as if it were his own stage. His eyes closed, yet with his script clutched within one hand, as he freely read the lines off from his memory. It was almost trance-like. Vernon could rarely concentrate on anything else when Seungkwan went into his line reading. The way the male switched between his bubbly personality into a completely different character was captivating to Vernon. He’d never seen anything like it. His body could get so thoroughly drawn into into the play at just the slightest of command. 

Once Seungkwan finished reading for a session and glanced over at Vernon for words of praise or criticism, Vernon was almost always lost. It wasn’t like he even had time to look for anything to pick out. He was just drawn into his roommate’s vivid acting to the point where when Seungkwan suddenly stopped, Vernon was shaken out of the story as well. 

Seungkwan would raise his hand over his mouth, muffling his hearty chuckles as he noticed how Vernon seemed to basically pause. “Come on, how are you supposed to be helping me when you’re just staring at me like an idiot?” He made his way over to Vernon, who was still staring in awe while sitting on his bed. “You don’t look like you hated it though, so I guess that’s good?”

Vernon smiled toothily up at his roommate, giving him a quick round of applause before finally giving some response.“There’s no flaw anywhere. Everything was perfect.” Seungkwan just lightly crumbled up his script and gave him a playful hit with it. 

“Not helping at all!” Seungkwan clicked his tongue, flopping down on his own bed dramatically. “I mean, just because we’re roommates and close friends doesn’t mean I’ll get upset if you critique me a little.” Vernon watched as Seungkwan got lost while staring at the ceiling, his rounded cheeks bubbling up as he let out a huff. 

“You want me to brutally honest?” Vernon spoke out, an eyebrow slightly twitching up as his grin turned more mischievous. “All of it was perfect except for….well...one thing.” 

“What do you mean?” Seungkwan snapped his head sideways and gasped, clearly ruffling his eyebrows in confusion. 

“I’m not fully sure if you understand the setting that the play is taking place in.” Vernon let his arms crossed over his chest for a second, pausing to appear like he was in deep thought. “How did the students in Grease live their lives in the 1950s? I think you should do some more research into that.” 

Seungkwan kept staring, his eyes narrowing at Vernon. “How do you know what it’s like? It’s not like you were alive during that time either.” His stubborn roommate let out a scoff, slowly smiling to himself as he realized Vernon was probably just playing with him. “If you think you know better than me though, take me to one of those cheesy 1950’s themed diners and show me.” 

“Alright, then. It’s a date.” Vernon nodded to himself firmly, glancing over at Seungkwan with a hint of teasing in his eyes. “Go get your poodle-skirt ready, Boo. Then let’s hop on my motorcycle and hit the town to find one.” 

Despite obviously kidding around, the two of them actually did hit the town on that Friday night. There were no motorcycles or poodle skirts involved, but they were able to find an old-fashioned themed diner that was open until the late hours of the night. It might have just been an excuse to go out and get cheeseburgers and milkshakes, but maybe Seungkwan was able to get some field research out of their trip. Vernon managed to teach Seungkwan how to use a jukebox for the first time in his life, in which Seungkwan kept on riffling through both of their bags for enough change to play all of his favorite songs. 

Seungkwan seemed happy enough, the two boys eating their burgers with a mix of greasy french fries and onion rings while Seungkwan paused in between bites to hum along to the classic songs. After hearing a few hits by Elvis, Seungkwan was convinced that Vernon resembled the singer. His eyes narrowed at his foreign roommate, leaning over their cluttered table of junk food to get a better look at Vernon. 

“You totally look like a young Elvis.” Seungkwan decided, nodding to himself firmly as he licked off a small spot of whipped cream off his lip. “I think it’s the eyebrows.” 

Vernon’s features crumpled up in confusion momentarily before finding himself bursting out in laughter. “Are you kidding me? Seungkwan, we don’t look anything alike at all!” He shook his head in disbelief, finding his laughter a bit hard to stop from hearing such a ridiculous statement. 

“Maybe it’s just the vibe you give me?” Seungkwan tried to reason, his lower lip slightly jutting out as he thought about it. “You’re just always kind of chill. You just go with the flow naturally and you have some sort of charm that makes you seem carefree. Not to sound absolutely lame, but for lack of better words, you’re cool.” 

Vernon listened to his close friend’s words, letting them sink in as he debated in his head if he could really be credited as such a person like that. Despite believing it or not, he was somewhat touched that Seungkwan thought of him in that way. “Well, I’m glad you think so.” He shot an appreciative smile over at his roommate. 

Seungkwan smiled back at him for a peaceful moment before lurching forwards and snapping his fingers. “I lied, it’s not Elvis that you remind me of! It’s that guy from the Titanic movie, Jack!” 

“You mean... Leonardo Dicaprio?” 

“Yeah, Dicaprio, absolutely!” Seungkwan was practically bouncing out of his seat, clearly excited that he had finally recalled who he was thinking of before. Vernon didn’t want to break his friend out of whatever elation he was feeling now, but the old nickname of young Dicaprio was something his old friends had been teasing him for years. He almost rolled his eyes at the comment but he held it back, seeing how Seungkwan seemed to find it to be one of the most interesting things in the world. 

“It’s almost a complete resemblance. For real.” Seungkwan insisted, his eyes widening to the point where they were nearly double the size as before. Vernon just bit his tongue, smiling back at Seungkwan’s remarks and letting out a small chuckle. 

“Alright, whatever you say, Boo.” 

“It was a compliment. I don’t care if you believe it or not.” Seungkwan’s shoulders shrugged up carelessly, reaching over the table and sticking his own straw into Vernon’s milkshake to try mixing his strawberry flavor with Vernon’s banana shake. “You’re handsome. He’s handsome. It’s whatever.” 

. . . . . 

One night, Seungkwan let Vernon know that he would be working in the theatre. Apparently now that the play would be occurring in just a few months, the students were all going to get together and start working on constructing the set pieces and other props necessary for the show. Vernon offered to help, but Seungkwan highly recommended that he just stay home. It was going to be a long night, especially with a lot of demands from the senior students pushing all of the hard work on the younger ones. Besides, Seungkwan was feeling too busy with all of his time practicing alone and wanted to spend some time with Seokmin and Soonyoung. If their trio was separated for too long, Seungkwan found himself taking a lot of his stupidest gags out on Vernon, who didn’t really understand much of his jokes. The cultural difference was definitely a barrier to his style of humour. 

That evening after classes, Vernon received an invite from Joshua to chill at his dorm room. The two of them just planned on comparing homework answers for the upcoming weeks but they clearly didn’t get any of that done. Notes were quickly thrown aside as Vernon grew more interested in exploring around the dorm room with his eyes. Joshua was always kind of polite and quiet in general, which made sense to see his side of the dorm room equally as proper and organized as he would have expected it to be. Yet on the side of the room that his roommate used, there was barely anything in the space besides the bed and a few small items on the desk. 

“What’s the deal with your roommate?” Vernon finally asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. His notes were pushed aside from where they laid scattered all over Joshua’s pure white bedsheets, Joshua’s own notes piled up in a neat stack beside them. “It’s almost like you live alone in here.” 

“Ah, Junhui?” Josh spoke up, following Vernon’s gaze and glancing over at the almost empty side of his room. “He works all the time. He’s an international student but his parents don’t make much money so I think he has to work himself to exhaustion to pay for school here.” 

“Damn, that sucks.” Vernon had never met Junhui before but from what Joshua had occasionally mentioned about him, he seemed like a pretty decent guy. “So how often does he even come here?” 

Joshua pursed his lips together for a second, taking a moment to recall. “That’s hard to say. Sometimes when I go to bed he’s not there but when I wake up he’s in his own bed sleeping. I don’t really notice when he comes back, but it must be pretty early in the morning.” 

“What kind of job does he work then?” 

“I don’t...exactly know?” Joshua admitted, biting on his lip slightly as he let out a chuckle. “He said something about a club but I’m not even sure where or what position he works.”

“What a shit roommate you are then.” Vernon joked, earning a slightly nudge in the side from Joshua who was sitting upright with his back against the wall. 

“Well, there’s still kind of a language barrier between us. He’s from Guangzhou. I can’t speak Chinese, he can’t speak English. We’re both kind of lacking in Korean so it’s complicated sometimes.” Joshua explained with a soft smile gracing his features, letting out somewhat of a bittersweet sigh. “You really got lucky when you paired up with Seungkwan for your roommate. You two are perfect together.” 

Vernon looked up from his messy pile of notes he had lazily attempted to organize and locked eyes with Joshua. “What does that even mean?”   
“It means exactly what I said- You’re perfect for each other.” Joshua insisted again, letting out a light laugh as he noticed Vernon’s confused expression. “Think about it, it’s only been about one month since this semester started. Compared to my situation and basically everyone else that I know, you guys are some of the fastest friends I’ve ever seen. You just clicked.” 

Vernon was silent as he listened to Joshua’s words, not exactly understanding how he was supposed to react as to hearing something like this. It wasn’t a lie. Vernon and Seungkwan were roommates so they were forced to spend their day together. Even when they weren’t forced to share a room just for sleeping, the two of them often spent more time together just because they liked each other’s company. Whether it was walking to classes, meeting up for lunch during break, or simply hanging out in the dorm during free hours together. Maybe he hadn’t realized how much time Seungkwan was by his side. It just felt natural to have him there. 

But they were just roommates. Basically someone that he was forced to hang out with and learn to like because they needed to learn to live together. It was nothing about growing close together or becoming a perfect pair. Vernon just did it because it was necessary. 

If Joshua was able to see their friendship like this, that meant countless other people in their university probably saw it the same way too. Maybe people thought they were spending too much time together. Maybe people attached Vernon to Seungkwan because they spent so many hours of their day together. 

Vernon slightly grinded his back teeth together, finding himself thinking too deeply into the situation from Joshua’s comment. “Are you implying that me and Seungkwan have some sort of thing together?” 

“That depends what you mean by a ‘thing’?” Joshua innocently questioned him back, his light brown eyes blinking slightly. 

“You think me and Seungkwan are into each other?” Vernon retaliated, his eyebrows furrowing together. 

Joshua stared at him momentarily and just threw his head back in laughter. “No, Vernon, I never said that!” His hands clapped together at Vernon’s humourous question, shaking his head in denial as he tried to stifle his laughter. “I never even implied that!” 

Vernon let out a bit of nervous laughter after seeing Joshua’s reaction, reaching his hand upwards to ruffle through his hair a bit anxiously. “Even if you were implying that, I was hoping you’d be kidding.” 

Joshua just glanced over at his friend, his cheeks slightly flushed red from his burst of laughter only moments before. He adjusted his posture, leaning back on his forearms as his head tipped over in Vernon’s direction. “What’s wrong with dating Seungkwan then?”  
“Dating Seungkwan?” Vernon’s eyes enlarged, completely caught off by the question for a brief moment before letting out a scoff. “That’s ridiculous. I don’t swing that way.” 

“Yeah, I know, but like hypothetically.” Joshua pushed him more, nudging his friend in the shoulder playfully. “If you had to pick at least one guy in the whole world, let’s say to win 1 million dollars, you’d pick Seungkwan. I just know it.” 

“Well, yeah, then I guess so?” Vernon paused for a second, squinting his eyes in an attempt to read through Joshua’s actions. Even though it was clear that Josh was simply playing around with him, for some reason it made Vernon a bit uncomfortable deep down. He shook his head rapidly, shaking the thoughts away. “This is stupid. I mean, we are close but don’t think too deep into things. It’s nothing like that.” 

“I know, just talking hypotheticals here.” Joshua lightly let his shoulders shrug up, a sign that he was giving up on the previous topic of conversation. “Speaking of Seungkwan though, his birthday is this weekend, right?” 

“Mhm. You’re invited by the way. I’ll have to text you the details once he makes up his mind on what to do.” Vernon informed him while moving over near Joshua’s bookcase, the shelves lined with a small collection of colorful comic books of series he had barely heard of. He pulled out one and just flipped through it, distracting himself from whatever uncomfortable thoughts he had been having before. 

“I don’t even know what kind of present to give him.” Joshua admitted with an embarrassed smile. “See, it’s weird because we’re friends but not close enough to really know each other’s interests yet.” 

“I’m sure he’ll just be happy with your company.” Vernon suggested, flipping through the black and white pages of the manga novel that caught his interest before. “Or maybe get him a gift card to some restaurant. The key to Seungkwan’s heart is through his stomach.” 

“What did you buy him then?” 

“...I really have no idea what to buy him.” Vernon paused suddenly, blinking his eyes slowly. “I was just gonna buy him lunch or something on that day. Do you think I should get a gift instead?” 

Joshua just shook his head, letting out a defeated sigh. “Of course you should, Vernon. That’s what best friends are for.” 

Vernon chuckled under his breath, casting his eyes back down to the book he’d picked up. “If I was really best friends with him, wouldn’t I know what he wants for his birthday? What a shit best friend I would be.”   
. . . . . 

 

Vernon’s hands were tucked securely in the pockets of his winter jacket. Making the trip into the city from their small university campus wasn’t too much of a distance, but with the way the frigid air blew through the wide alleyways of high rise buildings, it made walking outside quite a challenge. Despite the lack of snow piled up on the streets of Seoul, the frosty air still nipped at the tips of Vernon’s ears, staining his skin with a pink flush as he tried to tuck his ears within his snapback for warmth. 

Seungkwan was much more lucky. The birthday boy had his arms tightly locked with his best friends, Seokmin and Soonyoung. As they made their way from Seungkwan’s favorite barbeque restaurant, then to a nearby bowling alley, and then to their final destination of a karaoke lounge, the trio clung to each other every time they stepped into the cold air. Gloved hands were carelessly shoved into each other’s coat pockets, hands relying on each other for shared warmth as they explored the city late at night. Something about their bond made Vernon cast his eyes away, bittersweet about the special kind of bond they shared. 

It made his cheeks flush slightly in embarrassment whenever he caught himself staring at their sweet interactions. He’d never experienced that kind of friendship. He was just “one of the boys” back in his old school, acquaintances with his teammates despite spending hours of the week together. If he were asked who his best friend was, would he even be able to answer? Probably not. He’d most likely make some lame comment about how his team was just like his brothers, but in reality, they’d fade away from his memory as soon as the last day of school rolled around. If anyone seemed like real brothers or best friends, it was definitely Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Soonyoung. 

He wasn’t jealous though. Not at all. He admired the way the acted so freely together and depended on each other so much. Deep down, he knew he had never experienced that kind of bond and yearned for it ever so slightly. 

As his eyes glanced away from the trio, he focused on Joshua and the newly introduced Mingyu. They met earlier at the restaurant for the start of Seungkwan’s birthday celebration. When Mingyu walked into the room, Vernon knew immediately who Seungkwan had joked about during their late night beer drinking sessions. Mingyu was tall, handsome enough, and seemed to have an athletic figure hidden under layers of winter clothing. One could even say that the way his elongated canine teeth poked out when he smiled was kind of charming as well. Yet despite coming off as all of those things, Vernon was immediately taken off guard as soon as he opened his mouth. 

First it was the numerous gross and immature jokes related to sneezing or other bodily functions. Then in addition to eating the majority of the bbq meat, he made sure to launch a spoonful of birthday cake across the table and right at Seungkwan’s cheek. Vernon happened to be sitting right next to Seungkwan, therefore getting frosting splattered onto a rather expensive Supreme hoodie he only wore on special occasions. If the first two events didn’t ruin his image already, Mingyu’s clumsy bowling behavior probably ruined any last chances of coming off as a tall and handsome gentleman. Whether he was sliding over the line in his oversized bowling shoes, throwing the ball into the air like a baseball, or simply just dropping the ball into the gutter, Mingyu certainly was someone to talk about. It would definitely be hard to forget him. 

As much as Seungkwan and his other friends seemed to pick on him or shush him when he tried to tell dirty jokes, they all clearly adored him otherwise. After all, if Mingyu wasn’t there, then Vernon would probably never get to see Seungkwan burst into laughter so hard he nearly fell down himself. Or the time when Soonyoung actually squirted out orange soda from his nose when Mingyu suddenly decided to run and slide all the way down the bowling alley just to see if he would get caught or not. 

Mingyu was definitely out there. Almost like he functioned on a different level than anyone else on the planet. Either way, he was still likeable and endearing enough that Vernon found himself laughing along with everyone else as the hours passed by. 

Sometime around one in the morning, when Vernon thought he was already exhausted enough from simply watching Mingyu go so hard during bowling, the group made their way to a popular karaoke lounge to finish up the night. Despite consisting of multiple rooms to sing in, there was an open bar and a crowded lobby, many guests gravitating in between singing and socializing throughout the night. There was something fashionable about the lounge, Vernon’s fingers playing with the hemline of his old and weathered coat. He was dressed kind of lazily to hang out at a place like this. 

From behind him he felt long arms wrap around his shoulders, bringing his body closer to Joshua as Mingyu had wrapped his arms around both of the shorter males, huddling over them mischievously. “Now this….is where the real party starts.” His canines resembled something more like fangs as he grinned deviously to himself. “Let’s show Seungkwan what it’s like to have a real American style party.” 

“There’s just us six guys. Where’s the fun in that?” Joshua replied with a bit of a grin of his own, glancing back at Mingyu with a smug expression. “And how do you even know what kind of parties me and Vernon get up to back home?” 

“Uh, I don’t even know.” Mingyu confessed with a shrug. “Just do something like those rap music videos and everyone’s trashing the house and going crazy.” 

“A house party is drastically different than a birthday party thrown in a crammed karaoke room.” Vernon chuckled to himself, gently pulling himself out of Mingyu’s heavy arms and following the rest of the boys into the decorated singing lounge. Vernon’s eyes glanced over the fancy decor, almost feeling a sense of luxury to be in the room until the staff left them alone. It took a mere second before Soonyoung hopped up onto a certainly expensive marble table, mic tightly clutched his hand as he went in for the first song selection. 

“Get ready to experience karaoke with theatre majors for the first time. Let me know if you need some advil. Or vodka.” Mingyu warned the two foreign boys with soft pets to both of their heads, making his way over to the white leather couch and throwing his body all over it. 

Seungkwan was glowing. Literally as well as metaphorically. The disco ball that hung from the center of the room reflected hues of light purple and pink strobes of light off of his tanned skin, making the happy gleam in his eyes even more visible. “Guys, how did you afford to get into this place? Yet alone, how did you even manage to reserve a room here? I was trying for months to find an opening...” His bottom lip jut out slightly, his eyes welling up slightly with moist happy tears that threatened to spill over. 

“Anything our Seungkwannie wants, he’s gonna get it.” Soonyoung cheesily replied back to him with his eyes crinkled up in a complete eye-smile, reaching down from the table to mush Seungkwan’s cheeks together affectionately. Seokmin chuckled to himself tenderly, swatting his friend’s hands away to gently press his fingertips to clear away a few of Seungkwan’s warm tears of delight. 

“If you’re wondering, I made this possible.” Mingyu raised an arm up, raising his voice over the bass that started to resonate through the speakers, shaking the walls of the room along with the rythm. “I asked Seungcheol-hyung if he could pull any strings, and then he did.” 

Mingyu smiled triumphantly to himself in his accomplishments as Seungkwan made his way over to the couch and pressed a thankful kiss to Mingyu’s cheek. “You’re the best and I owe you big time.” Seungkwan praised him, letting his fingers affectionately ruffle through the gelled locks of hair and Mingyu let out a whine of protest. 

“How am I gonna talk to girls at the bar when you totally ruined my style?” Mingyu huffed out a stubborn sigh, sitting up from where he’d previously been lying and picking meticulously at strands of his hair without looking in a mirror. He glanced up at the ceiling though, somehow imagining what he was doing up there. 

“Like it means anything if you meet any girls here-” Seokmin’s playful grin met his eyes as he took a seat next to him, letting himself nudge at Mingyu’s shoulder, pestering the taller boy. “We all know that as soon as you get home, you’ll crawl into bed with Wonwoo and bitch at him for not coming with you tonight.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Mingyu’s cheeks flushed as he elbowed him back. “Whatever, hyung. Let’s just go get some drinks and bring them back here.” 

The two males made their way out of the room, childishly pushing and shoving each other out of the way as Vernon and Joshua looked on in amusement, letting out content chuckles as they made their way onto the sofa to accompany Seungkwan. 

“Would now be a good time to finally give you your present?” Joshua questioned out to Seungkwan who just nodded very eagerly, the smile on his face growing even more brightly as a gift bag was plopped down on his lap. 

Vernon had his own present prepared for Seungkwan as well, his fingertips toying with the handles of the shopping bag slightly apprehensively. Vernon was not the best at gift shopping. Previous birthday parties he had attended were simply high school ragers. The only thing he ever needed to bring was a smuggled bottle of alcohol he found in his parent’s stash. It had taken him hours of internet research and subtle questioning to Seungkwan’s friends during lunch period to come up with something that might work. 

He watched attentively as Seungkwan unwrapped Joshua’s gift, his eyes somehow widening even more in surprise as he pulled out a professional recording microphone. His fingers held the gift like it was fragile and made of glass, gasping as he inspected the box in amazement. “Josh, is this the same one you showed me in your dorm?” 

“Yup, same one that you said you loved.” Joshua nodded softly to himself. “It’s the same model that I use to record my cover songs on.” 

Seungkwan smiled down at the microphone, unable to tear his eyes away from it and completely elated with the gift. “Now you just have to teach me how to put my songs on youtube and i’ll be completely satisfied.” 

“Of course.” Joshua promised him, about to say something else until Seungkwan launched himself forward and brought Joshua into an extremely tight but extremely thankful hug. 

“Thank you so much! I promise I’ll take good care of it and start recording some covers right away.” Seungkwan rambled on as he clutched Joshua securely in his arms, lightly swaying their bodies back and forth as he showed his appreciation through the hug. 

Joshua couldn’t help but to bite back his grin as Seungkwan clung to him, lightly reaching up to pat at locks of Seungkwan’s soft auburn hair. “I’m glad you like it so much then.” Seungkwan would have most likely continued to suffocate Joshua with his needy hug, but Vernon took the chance to offer over his gift as well. 

“Uh, here, Seungkwan.” Vernon held out the shopping bag to his roommate, glancing over at Soonyoung who had already started performing his way into some Shinee song with so much enthusiasm that Vernon might have worried about him sliding off the table. “Sorry, I didn’t have time to wrap it, but I hope you like it.”  
Seungkwan let out an audible gasp, clutching his hands over Vernon’s as he accepted the gift. “Vernon, you live with me. You didn’t have to feel obligated to get me something… I’m just happy that you put up with me and take care of me and stuff like that…” 

Seungkwan was staring into his eyes, clearly feeling thankful towards him. The emotion that visibly poured out from Seungkwan’s meaningful gaze made his cheeks heat up ever so slightly. He tugged down the zipper of his jacket, moving away to take off the overheated material. “It’s nothing too big, no need to be modest about it.” His shoulders shrugged up nonchalantly, shyly biting back his lips from threatening to smile too much. 

 

“Either way, I’m thankful.” Seungkwan beamed at him, not hesitating in the slightest as he took a peek into the bag, almost immediately letting out a small gasp of surprise. “Is this….what I think it is.” 

Vernon simply grinned back at him, raising a hand upwards to scratch at the back of his head. “I mean, if you’re going for the lead in the musical, you’re gonna need it.” He watched as Seungkwan took out his gift, an authentic leather jacket that he had picked out from some stylish boutique just hours before. He knew instantly that it was the perfect pick for Seungkwan, even if the cost of a real leather jacket was a bit expensive. “I know it’s not your usual style but I thought you could use it to practice with and-” 

“Shut up. I love it.” Seungkwan shushed him with a single finger pressed to his lips, in which Vernon slowly backed away from. “No modesty needed here, I honestly love it and I’m going to wear it during the stage show as well. They’re going to have to rip it off of me if they insist on costume changes.” 

“Damn, Seungkwan. Getting all competitive already.” Soonyoung noticed as Seungkwan had slid on the jacket already, shooting an amused grin over at his friend. Seungkwan stood up and posed dramatically with the jacket on, earning a few laughs from Joshua and Vernon before jumping up on the table alongside with Soonyoung. 

“Alright, I claim first song!” Seungkwan announced, snatching the mic from his friend’s hands with a teasing grin. “It’s my birthday after all!” 

Vernon was stunned to say the least. 

Despite Mingyu’s small comment about experiencing karaoke with theatre majors, he never expected it to be that intense. Throughout various pop songs, girl group dances, as well as occasional outbursts of screaming instead of singing, the SoonSeokBoo trio were insane. He didn’t even know how someone could be that loud in a karaoke room without being kicked out by the owners.

They didn’t seem to be lacking any energy despite it clearly being after midnight. Mingyu brought back a variety of alcoholic drinks to try, perhaps even spiked with redbull in the process. That was the only explanation Vernon could come up with for their never ending intensity during karaoke. 

Joshua was just as alarmed as he was. Perhaps it’s because back in the states, people generally didn’t go out to karaoke with only their guy friends and sing mostly girl group songs. He learned shortly after though, Joshua couldn’t handle liquor as well as he could. Most likely he didn’t have the experiences of attending house party ragers as often as Vernon did, and it was clearly evident by the way his cheeks consistently flushed throughout the night and he couldn’t stop laughing at the actions of the trio. He even joined them sometimes, singing along to their songs in a talented and rich voice. It was quite amusing to see the cool and composed Joshua act in such an almost cute manner. Vernon had to sneak some pictures to use as possible blackmail later. At least Joshua was the kind of giddy and cheerful drunk. 

Unlike Mingyu. Who seemed to the instigator type. 

“Come on, Vernon. You’re the only one not singing.” Mingyu almost whined out as he grabbed Vernon’s hand, tugging him upwards as he tried to get him up for the next song. Vernon just tried to shake his head, insisting that he wanted Seungkwan and his friends to have fun with their idol covers. Yet once the trio of friends noticed that he protested quite a bit, of course they had to assist in getting Vernon to participate at least once. BooSeukSoon couldn’t be together without a little bit of trouble after all. 

“Guys, really, I’m fine with just watching!” Vernon insisted, yet somehow Mingyu’s hold on his arm had turned to multiple people pushing him up to stand on the table and forcing a microphone in his hand. “Seungkwan, don’t you want to sing a solo instead?” He tried to reason with his roommate, looking down at him with a slightly pleading glance but he was just met with a bright smile instead. 

“No, I think what I really want from my birthday is to hear you sing something.” With the way that Seungkwan was blinking up at him with such high hopes and expectations, he couldn’t exactly say no. He probably would have put up a much bigger fight, but with a few drinks in his system, he was much less nervous than he usually would have been.

Despite being reluctant, he punched in a code for a rap song that he particularly liked. His friends could force him to select one song, but he didn’t exactly plan on singing it. So he stuck to what’s comfortable and decided to stick to rap instead. 

As the beginning of the familiar song started to boom through the speakers, Vernon made his way off of the table and back over to his comfortable seat from before, sliding closer to Joshua for support. “You know the chorus, right? You better back me up.” 

“I can’t rap at all, so that’s the only part I could sing anyways.” Joshua responded with a chuckle, leaning closer to Vernon so that they could share the mic. 

As the song started up and Vernon softly started with the opening lines Mingyu just clapped his hands excited and grinned a bit too excitedly. “Oh, here it comes!” Mingyu repeated to himself multiple times, jumping up and huddling over to the other guys as they eagerly waited for the song to continue on. 

Despite being somewhat shaky at first, Vernon kept his voice slightly low and monotone to hide the uncertainty behind his actions. His hand on the microphone was trembling, barely noticeable to anyone but himself. It was a bit ironic at how he was in a room with people he felt completely comfortable with most of the time, yet he got tripped up in his mind about how cringeworthy his actions were. 

But it was a song that he loved with lyrics that seemed to narrate his own life story. As soon as Joshua finished with the first chorus for him, he was starting to warm up to the beat, slowly growing more comfortable and reciting the verses with ease off of his memory. Instead of focusing on the expectant stares from his friends he distracted himself with glancing around the room, focusing on the various light patterns reflected on the walls, or simply closing his eyes and letting his head bop to the beat. 

The last bars of the song came before he even expected it. Vernon rapped along until the end of the song, losing himself along with the lyrics that spoke words true to his heart. It’s funny how something so dreadful as performing in front of a crowd seemed to be quite natural to him after simply trying it. The sounds of wild clapping and hushed gasps somehow took him out of his trance, allowing his eyes to slip open. 

Seungkwan jaw was about to hit the floor. Seokmin and Soonyoung looked on with excited grins. Joshua was just beaming cheerfully, oblivious to everyone else. And Mingyu immediately met Vernon with a rough pat on the back. 

“Damn, Vernon! I didn’t know you had that in you!” Mingyu let out a sigh of amazement, sliding his arm around Vernon’s shoulders and he pulled him closer to his form. “I didn’t exactly understand all of it, but your flow was spot on. Even when you hit the adlibs during Joshua’s chorus they sounded really natural when usually a lot of people sound fake when they imitate the style. It was fucking unbelievable!” 

Vernon just laughed, shaking his head in rejection of all of Mingyu’s compliments. “Are you sure it just didn’t sound cool to you because it was in English?” 

“Holy shit, Vernon.” Seungkwan deadpanned. “I didn’t know you could do that.” 

“Huh? What do you mean?” Vernon blinked a few times in confusion, not really understanding why everyone was getting so worked up over it. He scanned their expressions, searching for a sign that they were joking or something? “You don’t gotta compliment me so much just because I was nervous to get up and sing.” 

“No, you definitely got something there.” Soonyoung insisted, who had previously turned into Hoshi as soon as karaoke started. Seokmin nodded in response, not even smiling his signature bright grin, which made Vernon believe that he wasn’t being pranked after all. 

“Oh...really?” Vernon spoke up, shifting his vision to the various pairs of eyes that were all locked onto him. It was definitely a bit awkward without any music playing in the background. He didn’t exactly know how to accept the compliment, mostly because he never expected to hear something like that after just shakily performing a rap. 

“Seriously, you should practice that and work up your ability.” Mingyu interjected, leaning in closer to Vernon with his arm clutching around his shoulders and lowering his voice like he was going to spout some valuable wisdom. “Actually some of my roommates are interested in rapping too. Maybe you guys could meet someday and just practice together.” 

Vernon just let out a chuckle, shoulders shrugging up carelessly. “I dunno, I never really thought about it.” Although Vernon spent most of his time listening to various rap songs and had some interest in the musical genre, it was just something he casually enjoyed. He didn’t exactly have any urge to pursue it any further. But the way all of his friends were encouraging him made him a bit curious. 

As time continued flowing by throughout more songs sung by Seungkwan and his friends, eventually the staff came to inform them that their time was up. It was nearly 3AM and listening to the trio half scream-half sing various girl groups songs had kind of exhausted Vernon from simply watching. It had been a fun night, but there was only so much of their wild actions that he could witness. Mingyu called a cab, sliding into the front seat first as a very sloppy and drunk Hoshi piled in the back. Seokmin had Joshua in tow, allowing the flushed boy to settle in next to Hoshi and plop his head down on his shoulder tiredly. Despite all of the boys nearly sitting on each other’s laps in the back seat, there clearly wasn’t enough room for Vernon and Seungkwan to make it in this trip. 

“You guys go back first, I’ll wait with Vernon and call for another taxi.” Seungkwan called out to them, in which all of his friends shouted messages of happy birthday and words of love to him. Seungkwan waved them off, blowing kisses into the air in the directions of his very drunken but very adored friends. Just as Vernon pulled out his phone to call for the next ride, Seungkwan reached over and pulled at the sleeve of his coat. 

“Hey, mind if we go somewhere?” 

Vernon smiled over at him knowingly, meeting eyes with his roommate. “You know I’m not allowed to say no when it’s your birthday, right?” 

Seungkwan responded with a smile that Vernon knew he couldn’t resist and within a second, fingers latched within his own and Seungkwan pulled him in tow. Without any idea of where he was headed or what ideas his friend had in mind, Vernon allowed himself to follow freely. He never grew up in a large city or experienced venturing out in the late hours of the night with nothing but the neon lights to guide him. It was a euphoric rush, adrenaline pumping through his veins as Seungkwan was nearly running in a full sprint towards an unknown place, plans completely up in the air. Any previous traces of fatigue setting in from the late night hours seemed to drift away instantly as soon as Seungkwan laced fingers with his on and took him on this ride. 

And with the way that Seungkwan glanced back at him, cheeks tinted light pink from their running and his eyes richly deep with passion, Vernon never felt more alive than he did in this moment.


	4. melting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which vernon and seungkwan go on a late night adventure, vernon lets his guard down a bit, and mingyu forces him to do something he probably needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! i hope you were all successful with your midterm exams this week! personally i studied way harder than needed too and wasted some time on memorizing things i didnt need too... anyways, i can say that i'm really proud of the first half of this chapter but not so confident in the second half. i was kind of wrapped up in studying and it seems kind of rushed to me? i'm really sorry if you can notice that but i'll work hard to make sure it doesn't happen next time! 
> 
> either way, i'm thankful for those who are reading so far and i appreciate all of your compliments SO much! thanks so much and i love yall!

Seungkwan suddenly stopped in his tracks, the fingers that he had been lacing with Vernon’s own slowly sliding out his his hold. Despite not chasing Seungkwan for too long throughout the rapid city blocks that blurred past his vision, his chest heaved out shaky breaths in order to bring himself back to his senses. The adrenaline from their sudden actions wore down, his pounding heartbeat growing less painful as it settled back in his chest. The hand he withdrew from Seungkwan’s own was still warm. Cold air finally hit his sensitive skin, sending a shudder throughout his body. Before Vernon could even ask him why he had paused, Seungkwan started laughing to himself amusedly. 

The soft chuckles that escaped past Seungkwan’s plump lips were slightly melodic to his ears. He spun around to face his roommate whose eyebrows were furrowed together. “Sorry, I have no destination actually.” Seungkwan admitted, his fingers raising up to attempt to hide some of his bright grin as well as his reddened cheeks from their running session before. “I just didn’t want tonight to end yet.” 

Vernon’s head tipped to the side as his light brown eyes examined the other male closely, biting back a smile of his own. “You could have just said that, you know. Without grabbing me and just running off like that.” 

“I know.” Seungkwan beamed, pausing momentarily to take deeper breaths in order to relax himself. “But where’s the fun in that?” 

Vernon let out a scoff, allowing a bit of a smile to spill through. “I’ve noticed that about you. Once you get some sort of intricate idea in your head you just act on it instantly. Like do you ever think your thoughts through fully or do you just run with them?” He began teasing the shorter male slightly, one hand reaching out to ruffle at the already mussed up hair that the wind had touched earlier. Pinching one of the most out of placed locks between his fingers, he tugged at the strand lightly, trying to curl it back into it’s usual place. Seungkwan just attempted to stare at the invisible strand of hair above his vision, eyes almost crossing as he tried to see what Vernon was doing up there. 

“I run with it. Literally and metaphorically, as you’ve just seen.” 

“That could be dangerous.” Vernon smirked to himself, unable to curl the lock of Seungkwan’s hair back into place but succeeding in messing it up even worse. “So…we’re out here. What’s next?” As his eyes glanced around at whatever part of the city they had ventured on to, he was unable to recognize any of the neon signs that were still turned on during the quiet hours of the night. Other than maybe a single convenience store being open, it just looked like a bunch of closed restaurants and office buildings in the area. 

“I don’t...exactly know.” Seungkwan admitted hesitantly, head tipping to the side as his eyes surveyed the area. “We could keep walking until we find a subway station and then figure out where we are.” 

“The subway doesn’t run until 5AM…” 

Seungkwan’s bottom lip simply pushed up, shoulders rising upwards in a careless shrug. “Not a problem. That leaves us with about…two hours or so? Then my dreams of an all-nighter are finally complete.”

Vernon shoved his hands into his coat pockets, feeling the cold air starting to bother him. “Couldn’t we have pulled an all nighter back at the dorm?” Shifting uncomfortably to settle into his winter coat, he tucked his face behind the collar, shrinking behind the material to combat the chilly night air. 

“Nah, it’s not the same.” Stubbornly shaking his head, Seungkwan pulled out his phone and started scrolling through a map. “It’s kind of special to spend it outside, right?” 

Vernon didn’t exactly understand what was so amazing about wandering around at night until daylight. After all, if this was America he probably wouldn’t have even considered it. Far too dangerous. But here with Seungkwan, he could afford to do some late night exploring without a care. Besides, if he even tried to convince his roommate to go home early he’d probably be bitched at for months to come about being some kind of scaredy cat. 

In the end, he just had to listen to the birthday boy’s wishes. 

“I’ll get us some hot coffees, you decide where we’re going next.” Vernon gave in, spinning on his heel and turning into the nearest 24 hour convenience store. Seungkwan called out that he preferred hot chocolate instead, which Vernon would certainly treat him to. 

After a few moments of trying to interpret the map software within their phones, the two boys clutched their warm drinks within their shivering hands, making their way over to a silent park that was completely unoccupied. Their feet moved without much of a plan, just wandering through the pre-marked paths that wound into the park. It was far too cloudy enough to be led by the light of the stars, the two of them limited to the safely lined sidewalks for their night adventure. 

Somehow they had ended up stumbling on a children’s playground complex, in which Seungkwan led in scaling up the structure and taking a seat on the tallest platform. Vernon joined him without questioning, positioning himself beside the entrance to the slide, relying on the tube to block some of the wind away from his body. “Well, this does feel somewhat safer. I don’t think anyone would even see us up here.” Vernon mumbled out through the collar of his coat that protected his face sort of like a scarf would. 

Seungkwan was still wearing the leather jacket that Vernon had gifted to him, seemingly refusing to take off the gift after he had received it. Perhaps he was treasuring the item already. “We’re like little kids that ran away or something.” Seungkwan replied with a small chuckle, leaning back so that he was fully sprawled out over the metal platform, his winter coat spread over his body like a blanket. “How are you holding up? Sleepy yet?” 

“Slightly cold, but once I finish this coffee, I’ll be perfect.” Vernon reassured him with a slight grin in his direction, tipping his head back as he took a long sip. “You got me to come all the way out here, so don’t think I’m gonna give up on you anytime soon.” 

Seungkwan smiled over at him, his expression clearly thankful. “You’ve done too much for me today though. I promise, as soon as it turns 5AM we are both catching the first train back home. My ass is already freezing and we just got here.” 

“Sit on your hands then.” 

Seungkwan scoffed incredulously. “I didn’t say my hands were cold, I said my ass was cold-” 

“Same concept.” Vernon clicked his tongue. Playful bickering back at Seungkwan could go on for quite awhile when it was just the two of them. “Anyways, out of all your birthdays, how would you rate this one? I think it’s one I’ll remember for sure, even if it wasn’t my own. Your friends are wild.” 

From whatever remained of the pale moonlight that hid behind the clouds that night, Seungkwan’s smile was powerful enough to outshine it. The way that the male turned to face him, the look in his eyes slightly hidden by strands of auburn fringe, yet so sincere that it churned something in Vernon’s stomach. “I’m really thankful, you know?” 

Something about the way Seungkwan looked at him made him swallow down an invisible lump that formed in his throat. “I’m uh, glad to hear that.” Vernon replied, dipping his head a bit lower to distract himself with a long sip of his hot drink. 

“You guys really went above and beyond for me, huh?” Seungkwan comfortably laid down on his side, adjusting his head to lock eyes with his roommate. “Like everyone planned so many things for me, gave me presents that I absolutely adored, and you even agreed to stay up all night for me. Compared to last year, this is….a lot.” 

“A lot?” Vernon simply questioned back, knowing Seungkwan would explain further. 

“I don’t know, just….better.” Seungkwan hummed softly to himself, fingers trailing across the cold metal platform beneath him as he took a moment for thought. “It feels just, well, right to be with you guys. I don’t mean anything against my friends back in Jeju but maybe this was my favorite birthday ever.” 

He watched on as his normally talkative roommate lapsed into a moment of silence, the actions coming off as something he’d never witnessed from Seungkwan before. Vernon’s light brown eyes attempted to blink back some of the darkness, searching further to read into the male’s expression. He didn’t even have to prod into Seungkwan’s thought process. He would open himself up when he was ready. 

“I think I must be selfish.” Seungkwan admittedly, letting out a nearly silent laugh although he wasn’t smiling at all. “Now that I’m happy in Seoul, it’s almost like I’m forgetting about my Jeju friends. I mean, I didn’t even miss them at all tonight.” 

“So you feel like…” Vernon’s head tipped to the side, drawing a conclusion based off of his own feelings that he’d struggled with for quite awhile. “They’re forgetting you and you’re forgetting them at the same time?” 

“It’s not that I’m doing it on purpose or that I don’t care about them...” 

“But you’re realizing that you were probably only friends with them because you were forced to spend everyday in the same classroom and formed friendships based off of the convenience of it?” The words rambled off of Vernon’s tongue before he could stop himself. Immediately he wished he bit his tongue instead. He knew he had made things awkward when Seungkwan let out one of the most silent exhales of breath he’d ever heard. 

Just as he thought he should clarify something in order to make his words sound less venomous, Seungkwan spoke up. 

“That might exactly be what I’m feeling...” Seungkwan mumbled out to himself hesitantly, keeping his voice lower to hide some of the bitterness behind it. “As soon as I moved to Seoul, a lot of the promises that people made started to be forgotten. Like how people would promise to visit me if they ever took a trip here. But then I’d be looking through pictures on a timeline and then I see them in Seoul without even letting me know. It’s kind of...disappointing, huh?”

Vernon’s lips pursed together, suppressing whatever similar emotions that he had experienced countless times before during his whole process of uprooting his life and switching countries. He didn’t have to empathize with Seungkwan at all. Currently, he was living through all the same experiences. Perhaps he could understand it on the same level. 

As Seungkwan’s eyes glanced up to meet his own, they widened slightly as Seungkwan glanced down in a bit of shyness that Vernon had never seen on him before. “I’m sorry, I mean, why should I even be complaining? You have friends back in America that are even farther away from my own… I’m just being selfish.” 

“There’s no competition when it comes to feelings.” Vernon found himself smiling slightly in his direction, shaking his head back and forth. “You’re not selfish at all. If that’s your true feeling, then you should let yourself feel it.” 

“But doesn’t it get irritating? Having me rant and complain about such little things like this all the time? You always say it’s fine, but it must get old after awhile.” 

The tone in Seungkwan’s voice was something unlike he’d heard before, feeling the secret doubts and insecurities spilling out of him, overflowing from the lips that usually spread nothing but sunlight and positivity. Seungkwan was normally a ray of warm light. His presence lit up any room that he entered. For some reason he had never expected Seungkwan to show him a side like this. Vernon knew Seungkwan was quite a prideful person, it was not easy to show his weaknesses to anyone. 

Moving across the playground equipment to where Seungkwan was lying down on, his legs crossing as he sat down beside his resting head. “Even if you complain to me, I don’t mind listening. It’s what makes my days more interesting.” Vernon kept his voice soft and low, in an awkward attempt to soothe his friend, his fingers reached out to pat gently at Seungkwan’s head. Strands of silky light brown hair smoothed under his fingertips, earning a contented hum from his friend. 

“You must have a boring life then.” 

Vernon let out a small chuckle, watching as Seungkwan’s eyes slowly slid shut under his comforting touches. “Don’t worry about telling me stuff though. You know that I usually prefer listening anyways.” 

“Mhm, I’ve noticed.” Seungkwan added letting his body sink into the relaxing touches for quite a long moment. The two boys weren’t exactly sure how much time had passed. If it wasn’t for a breathy sigh that delicately escaped from Seungkwan’s lips, Vernon might have thought he drifted off to sleep moments ago. 

“Hm?” Vernon prodded him to continue further, sensing that Seungkwan had collected his thoughts and had more to say. 

“I miss my mom a lot.” He confessed one of the tiniest voices he’d ever heard, then Vernon felt Seungkwan press his face against the side of his leg, almost like he was hiding. 

“I know she misses you too, Seungkwan.” 

“It’s not just that.” Seungkwan mumbled out against the fabric of Vernon’s jeans. It was an uncomfortable position to be in, with Vernon sitting upright and Seungkwan just resting his head upon his lap. Despite the strain on his back from attempting to look down at Seungkwan, he wouldn’t force the other to move his head away from his lap. Instead, he just let his fingers keep moving throughout the soft locks of hair. 

“What is it then?” 

“I just...worry sometimes.” Seungkwan admitted to himself, distracting himself by letting his fingers brush at some invisible dust on Vernon’s jacket or whatever he was doing. It was a process for him to confess everything out at once, and Vernon gave him the time he needed. “I wonder if after university is over, will I have missed too much? Will I suddenly return home and all of my sisters are planning to get married and have kids? Maybe I’ll look at my parents and realize they’re aging so quickly and I’ve been away too long. It’s scary to think about.” 

As Vernon listened to Seungkwan rambling on, the confident male’s voice slowly breaking down and getting shakier with each sentence, Vernon found himself biting harder into his lip. He was sure Seungkwan was tearing up as he opened up about his inner fears. The soft, soothing fingers that were playing around in his roommate's hair had hesitated, unsure of where to move to next. He withdrew his hand completely, lingering in the air stiffly. 

Vernon didn’t know how to approach physical affection. 

He’d had many experiences with dating girls in the past. That kind of physical contact was a no-brainer for him. But when it came to Seungkwan, he wasn’t sure what kind of actions were typical between other guys. He didn’t show his deepest emotions with the members of his previous friend group. Stuck in a minute of indecision and hesitation, he threw his thoughts to the wind. 

Much like how he used to protect his younger sister Sofia from whatever worries and fears she ever had, Vernon just acted on instinct and brought her into his arms. While gently pushing Seungkwan’s head off of his lap, he slid his body downwards to lay on the metal playground platform, curling up on his side next to perhaps the closest friend he had at the moment. Just as his eyes moved to Seungkwan’s own, his suspicion was confirmed. Seungkwan’s eyes were glossing over, wet with tears that threatened to spill over. That was enough to send his arms locking around Seungkwan’s smaller frame, pulling the male to rest flush against his chest. 

Seungkwan’s head dipped into the delicate crook of his neck, the warm contact from their two bodies colliding sending a wave of heat throughout his wind chilled body. Vernon suppressed the urge to shudder from the sudden warmth that heated up his frozen skin, his fingers once again sliding upwards to pat at the locks of soft hair. “Don’t think too much, Seungkwan. Once you think like that, you’ll end up worrying yourself to death.” 

“I’ll be fine.” Seungkwan assured him, his voice slightly muffled by his lips being pressed up against Vernon’s heavy winter coat. “I’m not going to cry either, I’m just getting sentimental-” 

“You can cry if you want to.” 

“No, really I’m fine-” Seungkwan replied firmly, trying to back out of Vernon’s hold slightly but Vernon’s arms securely locked around him before he could get too far. “I get emotional on my birthdays sometimes. Maybe actually all of the holidays that I spend apart from my mom…” Seungkwan’s clenched hands that attempted to push at Vernon’s chest, trying to roll out of his hold, slowly relaxed in place and rested softly against the material of his jacket. 

Vernon noticed as he calmed down quite a bit, taking the opportunity to attempt to soothe his friend’s worres a bit more. “I’m the same as you, Seungkwan.” He confessed, craning his neck in order to get a look into his eyes. “I miss my own family too. You might think it’s silly how it’s only been a little while since I’ve arrived in Korea but I really miss them too.” 

“That’s why I feel so bad complaining about my own family- yours are even farther away than my own.” As Seungkwan continued to protest, Vernon just smiled softly as him, raising his hand up to flick at the other male’s forehead with a playful chuckle. Seungkwan squinted his eyes together. “What the hell was that for Hansol?” 

“How many times do I gotta tell you? Feelings aren’t a competition. Just feel what you feel and tell me about it.” 

Although Seungkwan didn’t object anymore, he simply stared back at Vernon, lower lip slightly jutting out as he blinked up at his roommate. “I get it.” 

Vernon couldn’t help but to let out a laugh at Seungkwan’s previous stubbornness, allowing his head to shake back and forth in disbelief. “See, was that so hard to do? Now, hurry up and complain to me so you can get rid of all of that bad energy before your birthday is officially over.” 

“But now I don’t have anything else to say.” 

“Are you sure or are you just being modest?” 

“I already told you about what was bothering me. I just miss my mom.” 

Vernon stared at Seungkwan for a second, taking the time to read his expression for a moment. Seungkwan was quite an easy book to read. His hand lightly moved to cup the smaller male’s cheek, positioning his face slightly to check for any tears or signs of worry before squishing his cheeks together amusedly. “Yeah, I got you.” 

Seungkwan grasped at his own cheek, letting out a gasp. “Choi Hansol, what did you just do to my beautiful face?” 

“Just checking to see if you’re gonna cry on me again.”  
“You totally squished me!” 

“Yeah, and I’ll do it again if you keep on whining at me.” 

Listening to Vernon’s words clearly, Seungkwan’s protesting mouth slowly shut itself. His hand still cupped his cheek carefully, rubbing at the skin concernedly as he went off complaining under his breath about skin pulling and wrinkles forming. Vernon had tuned him out for a moment, naturally letting out laughs at his friend’s incessant dramatic statements. He was so distracted with watching the way that Seungkwan’s facial features clearly lighted up in excitement as he described some crazy skincare trick he wanted to try. So distracted that he had almost forgot about the position that the two of them were in. 

“By the way, you know I’m not upset anymore. You don’t have to keep on hugging me like this.” Seungkwan pointed out to him moments later, making Vernon’s eyes widen slightly as he glanced down and noticed his arms still securely wrapped around his friend. His natural instinct was to pull his arms away completely, a surge of energy through his veins making him jump slightly as he started to pull away. But then he just kind of paused. 

This didn’t exactly feel too bad right now. Especially with his whole body leaning against the metal playground equipment. Seungkwan was just so warm. 

“Oh.” Vernon muttered out, the tips of his cheeks warming up as he came to terms with somewhat liking their current position. With his whole body pressed up against Seungkwan, it made being outside before sunrise a lot more snug and cosy. His eyes blinked slowly, glancing down at his roommate. “Do you want me to….stop?” 

“You don’t have to.” Seungkwan assured him, his eyes glancing down to his own hands that that found themselves resting against Vernon’s chest, somewhat unaware of where to go elsewhere. 

“Then… I won’t?” Vernon’s statement was definitely more like a question, leaving a few moments of silence for Seungkwan to reply. Vernon even felt himself becoming slightly nervous to hear his answer, since it was unusual for Seungkwan to be silent for too long. 

“I just thought you don’t like when I get too touchy. With the whole cultural difference thing...” Seungkwan’s head tipped to the side in though, explaining his reason for speaking up in the first place. 

Vernon’s eyes blinked rapidly, mouth opening and then shutting as he was unable to come up with something to say for a while. All he could come up with is a shrug of his shoulders.

“You’d tell me if you were uncomfortable though, right?” 

Vernon’s lips pursed together, glancing away from his roommate to let his eyes wander around the park instead. Some part of him hated how difficult it came to expressing himself sometimes but there was nothing he could do to make his thought process faster. He was severely lacking in being open with his emotions like Seungkwan could. “I guess. I’m not used to it, but I don’t exactly hate it.” 

The last thing he needed would be Seungkwan pressing him to talk about it further. He was so lucky that Seungkwan seemed to be able to pick up on his vibe with just one look. His friend enthusiastically smiled up at him, the excitement from his smile reaching to his deep brown eyes. “I’m happy to hear that. Maybe it means you’re warming up to me or something.” 

“I already warmed up to you a long time ago.” 

“Oh yeah? When was that?”

“Secret.”

“That’s so boring.” 

The two boys could bicker back and forth endlessly. Technically it couldn’t be called bickering if it was rather enjoyable for the both of them, but to any outsider it would appear as a competitive battle of teasing. Either way, both of them could easily get swept up in their own little world discussing back and forth with each other. Topics changed quickly from picking at Seungkwan’s natural talent for girl group dances, or bickering at whether or not Soonyoung had a hidden obsession for shinee, and then eventually they started playing a game of 21 questions to pass the time. 

“Hey Seungkwan, what’s your favorite color?” 

“Light colors. Or pastel tones.” 

“What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?”

“Mint chocolate chip” 

“Favorite rapper?” 

“Uh…. you?” 

“Shut up.” Vernon cracked a toothy smile, shaking his head at Seungkwan’s ridiculous comment as he shifted to lay on his back instead. A calm sigh floated past his lips. Things just felt so god damn natural in Seungkwan’s presence. Time had almost stalled for the past few hours and he was fully at peace just talking about nonsense with his roommate. There was no faking, no putting on an image, no fronting. Things were just easy when they were together. 

As his eyes shifted up to the sky, he was almost taken by surprise as he was able to make out the faint outlines of the sun’s ray peeking out behind grey clouds. The weather definitely wasn’t the best to watch the sunrise that morning, but it was still there if he looked close enough. One of his fingertips reached up, alerting his friend that it was finally time that they could head back home and escape the cold winter morning. 

But something inside made him hesitant to leave the playground at that moment. He almost wished that his fingertip hadn’t extended upwards and trace out the outline of the sun that was about to break through the clouds and interrupt their quiet hours together. His hands were shaking from the cold air that had numbed them, yet he could stay there and pretend the morning wasn’t ready to come to light. 

Seungkwan’s dark brown eyes were fighting off the urge to succumb to the sweet temptation of sleep, nevertheless, as the sun poked out and granted his wish of staying out all night, Vernon witnessed one of the most radiant smiles that he had ever seen in his whole life. Something about the Seungkwan’s illuminated rich dark orbs made him want to peek inside of his world. Sunshine filtering through delicate locks of soft burgundy hair, delicate lips that parted and lingered with sweet hot chocolate residue. A soothing voice that somehow found a way to calm his senses at any time.

Seungkwan’s existence was so warm. 

. . . . . 

While Vernon was sleeping in on the next Sunday afternoon, the noise of the password being entered into the keylock somewhat disrupted him from his sleep. He didn’t think too much of it because on Sunday mornings, usually Seungkwan got up earlier than himself and sometimes went out to get groceries for the week. Or he would head over to Soonyoung and Seokmin’s dorm room and practice lines for the upcoming musical with them. Whatever he was up to, usually he was in and out of their shared dorm for some reason and he would let Vernon sleep in. That was a usual weekend for them. 

But what wasn’t usual was someone bursting through the door and lunging on his bed. 

Heavy limbs pressed Vernon down into his own mattress, the form settling on top of him and arms wrapping around him in a clinging embrace. This was easily one of the worst ways to wake him up in the morning. Before Vernon could even let out a complain of protest, an overly adoring voice cooed in his ears. 

“Vernon, it’s time to wake up~” Mingyu’s annoying voice resonated in his eardrum, the long muscular arms of his newly acquainted friend sliding around his neck and jostling him around. If he wasn’t already completely woken up before, this completely roused Vernon out of his peaceful Sunday morning. 

Vernon’s hand moved upwards to rub at his tired eyes, turning his head to get a look at the large male but noticing Joshua standing by his head as well. “What the hell--” Joshua simply smiled a bit apologetically in his direction, raising a hand up to wave shyly. 

“Sorry, Mingyu dragged me with him…” 

Vernon struggled to pull himself into a sitting position, mostly from the grogginess of sleeping in so late, but also because of Mingyu’s limbs tangled all up with his own. “How did you guys even get the password code for my room?” As he was starting to come back to his senses, he attempted to push Mingyu off of him and extremely failing to do so. If anything, Mingyu snuggled in closer. 

“I texted Seungkwannie.” Mingyu explained, letting his head rest on Vernon’s shoulder comfortably. “He said he was out but welcomed me to come over anytime I wanted.” 

Vernon let his eyes roll. Seungkwan was too damn nice. He glanced over to Joshua, equally guilted in interrupting his sleep and pointed a finger at him. “Now why are you here?” 

“Mingyu told me that he needed my help so I just followed.” Joshua’s eyes widened, holding his hands up in defense. “I didn’t intend to be an accomplice.” 

“Believable. You’re too goddamn nice too.” Vernon mumbled out to himself, letting his head tip to the side as he sluggishly blinked his eyes a few times, trying to fully wake himself up. “So...did you really need help with something or you just came here to ruin my day?” 

Mingyu gasped, arms locking around Vernon’s body tightly as he rocked him in his arms. “You know I would never ruin your day, don’t say that…” 

“I literally met you two days ago- How do I know that?” 

“Same.” Joshua mumbled. 

Mingyu’s lower lip jutted out, eyebrows furrowing slightly as he let out a puff. “Yeah, but I just wanted to see you guys. What kind of welcome is this?” 

“You’re welcomed but not welcome to burst into my room and forcefully wake me up.” 

“Aw, you’re welcome to come and see me anytime though.” Joshua insisted as he took a seat on the edge of Vernon’s bed, hand moving up to pat at Mingyu’s hair until his fake act of pouting ceased. In less than no time, his overly cute attempt at pouting was replaced with a wide toothy grin. 

“Okay, so for today, I want to take you guys to my place.” Mingyu finally explained, eyes lighting up with excitement before he could even get the words out. “Especially you, Vernon. You gotta meet up with my roommates. They’re totally into the rap scene here in Seoul and I think you guys would be a good match together. Maybe you could even form a group or something!” 

Vernon just let out a grumble, shoulders shrugging up carelessly. 

“Come on, why not?” Mingyu almost pleaded, arms moving to shake at Vernon’s body restlessly until Vernon let out a sigh of defeat. Joshua smugly watched on, raising a hand up to hide his grin behind. 

Feeling pestered enough, Vernon just agreed to the demands. It wasn’t like he had anything else to do that day. He would have preferred to stay in his bed a bit longer and just lay around all day, maybe catch up on some tv shows or just go online, but yeah, he should probably go out and actually do something. If he spent most of his university life locked up in his dorm all the time, he’d almost certainly regret it later on. 

After showering quickly and throwing on an oversized hoodie, ripped jeans, and his most comfortable snapback hat, the boys set out off to head to Mingyu’s off campus apartment. It wasn’t too far away, just a few subway stops from their shared school, but it was far away enough to get some freedom from their heavily student populated district. 

There’s nothing too special about the suburbs of Seoul. Traditional houses closely lined with identically designed high rise apartments, all of the buildings tightly squished together with barely any personal space between neighbors. Out front of frequently passed 24/7 convenience stores, plastic sets of tables and chairs were occupied with neighborhood kids. Occasionally a random stray cat would tread up to them, expectant for some sort of treat. It was so unlike the suburbs that Vernon was used to, yet it relaxed him nonetheless. It was a perfect little area to spend a lazy weekend at. 

Mingyu’s apartment was nothing special. Just a medium sized complex, maybe with 10 floors at the most. The elevator was rickety with a broken lightbulb flickering above their heads. Vernon felt like he had been transported back to the 1980s due to the dated designs plastered onto the wallpaper. Nothing could be more perfectly suited for group of four poor colleges students to share. 

Mingyu never locked the apartment over. Just swinging the door open with ease, he spread his arms widely with a million-dollar grin. “Now I will welcome you…To my humble abode!” All three of the boys clumsily kicked off their shoes in the hallway, piling them up in a careless stack atop of a mound of other shoes. Most likely belonging to Mingyu’s roommates. 

Mingyu strode his way into the apartment first, passing a small kitchen cubicle with dated appliances and piles of junk food and instant packages of ramen. He lead Joshua and Vernon straight towards the living room, with a single black leather couch and a flat screen TV sitting negligently on the floor. 

Going into full tour guide mode, Mingyu smiled triumphantly as he gave them an introduction to the apartment. “So that’s my room over there, that room is the bathroom, that’s Scoups hyung and Jeonghan hyung’s room…” As he was pointing out the various features, he paused and gasped slightly. Moving to point at figure on the floor who was curled up against a potted plant, sleeping softly in the rays of sun that filtered through the blinds, Mingyu pointed his finger at the male’s face. “And this is my roommate, Wonwoo!” 

He practically screamed in the unsuspecting man's face, his pointing finger slowly sinking into the flesh of his roommate’s cheek. Yet despite shouting, the sleeping guy that Vernon now knew as Wonwoo, simply let his eyes open without even flinching. “Ah, you’re finally home?” Wonwoo relaxedly drew out, his voice deeply laced with sleep as he tipped his neck to each side, stretching his muscles out.

“Mhm, I brought my new friends.” Mingyu grinned blissfully, nodding his head up and down a few times. “Hyung, this is Vernon and Joshua. Those two American guys I met at Seungkwannie’s party.”

As Wonwoo turned to take a look at them, Vernon and Joshua slightly bowed their head in greeting, introducing themselves separately. Wonwoo responded with a nod in return, a slow smile forming on his lips as he adjusted his body against the large potted plant to face them. “Nice to finally meet you guys. I heard a lot from Mingyu already.” 

“Hey-” Mingyu whined out, slapping his roommate’s shoulder with the first object he could find, which was a book that happened to be laying by Wonwoo’s side. “Don’t make me sound like I’m talking about them a lot or something! I’m not obsessed.” 

Wonwoo’s nose crinkled up slightly as he let out a chuckle, raising a hand up to rub at his attacked shoulder. “Come on, you were clearly excited after you hear one of them rap. Don’t act like you didn’t come home to me and wake me up in order to gush all about it.” Mingyu let his arms fold over his broad chest, eyes rolling around. “Anyways, which one of you has interest in rapping? I’m guessing it’s Vernon because he’s wearing a Supreme hoodie.” 

Vernon bit back his grin, head tipping to the side as he pulled at the material of his sweatshirt. “Hey, it’s a knockoff, but I think you’ve guessed correctly.” Wonwoo chuckled along with him, and Vernon noticed that he seemed to be much more approachable than his facial features perceived him to be. With a sharp sculpted jawline, high pointed cheekbones with slightly hollowed cheeks, as well as fox like monolid eyes, the older male came off to look quite mischievous. If Vernon had previously met Wonwoo and the elder stared at him with a straight face, he’d probably feel kind of intimidated. Yet it seemed like Mingyu’s goofy grin was kind of infectious to everyone, and even to the slightly stoic Wonwoo. 

“Well, I look forward to when I can hear you rap some verses then.” Wonwoo replied with genuine interest, something that Vernon had never expected to hear. Something about the presence of the elder male seemed so… cool, calm, and collected. His slow and relaxed way of speaking in his signature deep voice just had some sort of chill vibe to it. Even without hearing him rap yet, Vernon knew he would probably have talent for it. 

“I’ll try not to let you down then.” Vernon grinned, extending his arm out to lightly shake hands with the newly introduced male. “We probably listen to some of the same music, so I’d be nice to get to know each other more.” 

“Yeah, no problem. Any friend of Mingyu’s is a friend of mine too, I guess.” Wonwoo tipped his head to the side in thought, letting out a small chuckle. “Well, that’s not because of my choice. It’s because he forces me to like all of the same things that he does, or he threatens to never stop talking about it.” 

As Vernon and Joshua let out amused laughs, Mingyu quickly moved to push at their shoulders, the tips of his cheeks tinted slightly pink as he ushered them into another room. “Whatever, whatever! Let’s go meet my other roommates now! Goodbye Wonwoo!” Mingyu shouted over his shoulder, intend on getting his new friends away from his own best friend before any more of his personal information would get out. 

Now forcing Vernon and Joshua out of the living room and into the hallway, they were met with a series of doors that Vernon assumed to be the two shared bedrooms. Without even knocking, Mingyu allowed them to make their way into one of them, in which Vernon and Joshua practically stared like deers caught in the headlights. 

Despite having two beds in the room, two figures huddled over a laptop on one of the beds. The more muscular of the two males was shirtless, a lit cigarette in between two of his fingers, his other hand typing away at something on the laptop. The other person, who Vernon almost mistook as a female for a second, was resting his head on the larger male’s shoulder, long locks of wispy blond hair framing his face and delicately brushing against the other male’s bare skin. It looked like he was interrupting an almost intimate moment. His feet froze and he attempted to turn around, but Mingyu pushed him into the doorway anyways. 

“Oh?” The larger guy of the two allowed his eyes to shift from the screen to Mingyu, his words mumbled as he took the cigarette between his lips. “Your friends?” 

“Yeah, the ones that I said I wanna collab with.” Mingyu made himself welcome on the currently unused bed, flopping his long body all across the navy sheets as he rolled around comfortably. “Well, actually just Vernon. I’m not sure if Joshua has any ability to rap yet.” He teased slightly, reaching out for Josh’s arm to gently tug him towards the bed, intending for him to sit down next to him. 

Vernon kept standing up and shifted awkwardly between his feet. “Uh… are we interrupting you two? We can wait in the living room if you want.” 

“Nah, make yourselves at home.” Mingyu’s friend assured him, taking a long drag of the cigarette and watching the way that grey puffs of smoke would push past his lips. As soon as he finished his own puff, he passed the stick to the other male who eagerly opened his lips and allowed the cigarette to be pushed between them. “Hey, I’m Seungcheol. Choi Seungcheol. Nice to meet you guys.” 

As he got up off of the bed in order to pull over an oversized t-shirt over his body, the other male smiled a bit shyly as he pushed the strands of long hair back gracefully, his slim fingers balancing the cigarette between them. “And you can call me Jeonghan.” 

For some reason, Jeonghan’s presence kind of fascinated him. He had never experienced being close to another guy who was so different than himself. His presence just seemed to elegant and delicate. Perhaps the complete opposite of Seungcheol who just reeked of masculinity and came off as a bit rough around the edges. He swallowed an invisible lump that had managed to form in the back of his throat from simply outright gawking at Jeonghan. “H-Hey, I’m Vernon.” 

“And I’m Joshua.” His friend chirped up cheerfully, waving at the two new friends that they had just met. “I’m the one who can’t rap so maybe you won’t be able to collaborate with me or anything like that, but I write music. Guitar music.” 

“At least if you study music then maybe you can work on some beats then.” Seungcheol suggested with a grin, fishing around in the pocket of his adidas sweatpants for an object. It was his pack of cigarettes, offered to Joshua who simply declined by shaking his head.

“No thanks. I sing too so I don’t want to hurt my vocal chords.” 

Mingyu accepted one with a wink of thanks and Vernon passed as well. The drifting of smoke from both of the lit cigarettes in such a small shared bedroom was enough to cause his nose to itch, and perhaps Seungcheol noticed his discomfort. Shortly after he let out a sniff, the elder went to open up one of the windows in order to dilute the smell. 

“I sing too,” Jeonghan replied back to Joshua’s statement, glancing over at him interestedly. “Actually I think you’re in one of my music classes back at university.” 

“Oh, really? I don’t really notice some of the other classmates around me, so you probably are.” Joshua admitted a bit shyly, raising his hand up to flatten at the hairs at the back of his head. “Which class though? Guitar or Music Theory?” 

“Music Theory, although I’d love to learn guitar too someday...” Jeonghan admitted with a small smile, letting his head tip to the side slightly in order to let the locks of his hair fall out of his line of vision. “I find it funny though, how couldn’t you notice someone like me in your class? Aren’t I kind of hard to miss, dear?” 

It was almost like Jeonghan was cooing to Joshua, his voice dipping delightfully low and melodically as he gazed over at the male. He could almost see the shyness radiating off of Joshua who let out a slightly awkward and struggled laugh. Vernon felt a little bit more confident knowing that Joshua also felt some sort of intimidation in the male’s refined presence. It made his slightly reddening cheeks much more understandable. 

“Anyways,” Seungcheol cleared his throat, sitting backwards on a desk chair as he motioned for Vernon to take a seat one of the beds as well. “I’ve been discussing with Mingyu and Wonwoo for awhile now, and the three of us have been interested in starting something together.” 

“Like a rap group!” Mingyu outbursts suddenly, sitting up from the bed suddenly and making his way into the hallway to bring Wonwoo into the discussion. Vernon took his space on the bed, who he assumed to be Seungcheol’s, settling next to Joshua on the complete edge of the mattress in order not to appear impolite. 

Seungcheol struggled in though for a moment, his eyes glancing up at the ceiling for a moment as he struggled with the words. “I don’t mean like a rap group exactly…. More like maybe we can collaborate somehow.” His teeth bit down on his lip slightly, still toying around with the idea. “Me and the guys have messed around with some beat editing software, recorded some covers. We’re still complete amateurs of course, but it’s pretty clear we need something to spice up the group a bit. And I think a group of four would work out much better than just three. The dynamic looks a lot better and there’s easier line distribution with an even number.” 

Vernon listened on, finding himself a bit interested in what the male was thinking up. He never would have thought of himself pursuing music before, but since everyone had told him he had a talent for rapping it sparked his interest. Besides, he wasn’t interested in getting back on a basketball team anytime soon. Therefore, he actually had time to pursue a hobby. 

“I’m interested,” Vernon commented, taking his own lip between his teeth as he still struggled with his confidence when it came to this subject. “I’m not exactly sure if I’m even that good at rapping. I just… imitated the song, I guess.” 

“Well, according to Mingyu, he seems to think you’re pretty great.” Seungcheol responded with a shrug, biting back a laugh that threatened to spill over. “He even snapchatted me a video of your rap at the karaoke room. I think it was really clean with good timing, great flow of the verses. It could have even sounded like a recorded track. You’ve clearly got some potential.” 

“Well, I’ve never considered rapping as more than just a hobby. That’s pretty much all I listen to for music though.” Vernon felt himself growing a bit self conscious from the sudden compliments, eyes casting down at the floor as he continued to mumble out. “I’m down to try recording sometime though. I don’t know if I’m capable or writing lyrics or making beats, but I can try.” 

Seungcheol opened his mouth to reply but Jeonghan started to stand up from the bed, interrupting their conversation. “Hey, Joshua. This is kind of not related to you, so how about we head to the living room and you teach me how to fumble around with a guitar?” He suggested, reaching out to take a hold of Josh’s wrist before he could even get an answer. 

“Um, yeah, sure.” Joshua replied thoughtlessly with a soft little smile, allowing himself to be pulled out of the room by Jeonghan without much of a fuss. Vernon simply watched on as his friend disappeared down the hall with a small trail of cigarette smoke misting through the air after them. 

Seungcheol lowered his voice, leaning towards Vernon as if he had a secret to spill. Vernon’s instantly smelled the mix of smoke on his clothes, along with a strong scented cologne on his collar. “You think your friend is gonna feel left out if I don’t ask him to join our group? I don’t want him to feel like we’re excluding him…”

Vernon laughed, images of his gentlemanly friend attempting to appear as a rapper floating through his mind and amusing him quite a bit. “Nah, Joshua certainly doesn’t care for rap music that much. He probably likes stuff that hits on the Top 40 lists, but he doesn’t have much of an interest.” 

“Damn, I hope so. Don’t want him to feel bad for not asking him to join too.” Seungcheol muttered concernedly under his breath, fingers moving to muss through his hair that still looked like he had just rolled out of bed. “Anyways though, this is a no commitment type of offer here. We can meet up sometimes, mess around with some covers and see how it goes. If we got something good, then maybe we can put more effort in.” 

 

“Sounds good to me.” 

Seungcheol stared at his expression for a moment longer than necessarily, perhaps trying to read in on his feelings. “Really?” The male’s dark eyes blinked at him, still skeptic of his answer. 

“Uh...yeah?” 

After hearing his words, Seungcheol beamed to himself, the smile reaching his eyes as he nodded excitedly to himself. “I mean, I didn’t think you’d be interested without much more convincing. Like why would you wanna join a group of guys who you barely know and make music with them?” 

“In all honestly, I’m kind of bored lately and I need a hobby.” 

“Not a problem, hey- actually I was trying to work on some beats this morning. Wanna hear it?” 

Vernon nodded in agreement and the elder male positioned himself to sit beside him. As the two males huddled over the laptop screen and started playing around with the music, sharing compliments and criticism about how they could work together on this. Mingyu returned shortly after with a composed Wonwoo following after him. 

“He said yes?” Mingyu instantly asked after seeing the two of them bonding over the loops of music shown on the laptop screen. Seungcheol just replied with a smug grin in his direction. Instantly, Mingyu slung his arms over both of the male’s shoulders from behind, allowing his body to bounce up and down too excitedly on the bed. Enveloped in a crushing hug between all three of them, Vernon bit his lip to conceal his growing smile as their bodies squished together. 

“We’re a team now!” Mingyu squealed out, rocking all of their bodies around as Wonwoo glanced on with a happy grin. “We’re a team!”


	5. feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which vernon has an enlightening conversation with joshua, the guys get together for a rap session, and seungkwan gets vernon feeling some type of way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because it's spring break and some of you probably have more free time than usual, i'm gonna post this chapter 1 day early. hope you all enjoy reading it and have a fun spring break as well! the next update will be on the next thursday. 
> 
> also, i should probably mention that i haven't really read any other svt fics, so if you have any recommendations please send me a message on tumblr! i'm not too picky, just nothing too graphic or fics about minors. i happen to like long chaptered stories, or writing with a lot of details. pairing doesn't matter much at all. you can even send your own story as a rec too !! i'll check it out for sure!

Nothing could beat the comfort of the university’s library on a lazy afternoon. Vernon and Joshua had the perfect plan when it came to working on their assignments together. They made their way behind a particular bookcase, filled with dusty books that were barely checked out by other students. Hidden behind countless other racks of textbooks, they had access to the most quiet and secretive study corners, a single concealed table for just the two of them. 

Something about how the sunlight filtered through the ceiling windows and shined down on their little corner of the library relaxed Vernon completely. While tracing through soft and clean new pages in a notebook, he could feel the sun beat down against his back, enough to warm his body up and send a pleasant shiver of content down his spine. 

Joshua was always kind of calm and composed as well, with a soothing voice that spoke to Vernon ever so softly in between their studying. If there was one person in their eccentric group of friends that could hang out without talking in his ear the whole time, that would be Joshua. Sometimes the silence was pleasant between the two of them. They could just enjoy each other’s company without forcing any words. Vernon liked how Joshua just got him like that.

Today they had to work on an extremely long packet for their shared history class and both of them were struggling quite a bit. It’s not like Korean history had been taught in their high school curriculum before, so everything was all new information. Despite relying on searching up the answers online for the first page, the questions grew more challenging and soon stumped both of the boys. 

“Now I’m wishing that my dad actually taught me some of this stuff.” Vernon grumbled out, erasing at his worksheet frustratedly to the point where all of the written characters became a grey blob. 

“The sad thing is... my parents actually taught me about Korean history before but I completely forgot all of it.” Joshua admitted with a light sigh, taking a moment away from studying as he flipped through his unread texts. “Do I need to call an actual Korean person to come help us with this?” 

“Yeah, that seems like a good idea. Get someone smart.” Vernon mumbled out, also pushing his work aside for a moment as his arms folded across the table, head collapsing to rest on his arms. His eyes distractedly peeked over to his friend’s phone screen, trying to get his mind off of studying for a while. “Why are you smiling at your phone like that? You look like a creep.” Vernon teased the older male, leaning over to nudge at him playfully as Joshua’s smiled sheepishly. 

Joshua’s fingers that had been madly typing back a message to someone halted for a split second, licking over his lips slowly as he allowed his shoulders to shrug up nonchalantly. “Just something funny.” He commented distractedly, finishing up a string of messages before turning back to Vernon. “It’s one of Mingyu’s friends, Jeonghan. He’s kind of….interesting.” 

One of Vernon’s eyebrows twitched up in curiously. “Interesting? Oh, I bet.” His tongue clicked in his mouth, words filled with suspicion. 

Joshua put his phone aside to rest on the table, turning to Vernon with an expectant look in his eyes. “Now what does that even mean?” 

“You know what I mean.” Vernon replied back knowingly, a smug grin forming on his lips. “He seemed like, into you, or something like that. And especially with long hair like that, I think it’s pretty safe to assume he’s gay.” 

Joshua simply scoffed, shaking his head at his friend. “So you’re telling me that everytime you see a girl with short bobbed hair you assume she’s gay too?” 

“Nah, that’s different-” 

“Why is that?” 

Vernon’s mouth was already open, expectant to come up with an instant reply but as he started to think, he couldn’t exactly come up with a reason. Damn. Joshua had totally caught him. Slowly his gaping mouth started to shut, his shoulders stubbornly shrugging up in an attempt to shake off the question. “Just….because?” 

“That’s stupid. And you’re stupid for thinking like that. You can’t just tell if someone is gay or not based on what they look like.” Joshua scolded him slightly, allowing his eyes to roll around slightly as he shook his head at Vernon’s absurdity. “With logic like that, judging people to be gay or not based on their stylistic choices, you’d never be able to tell that Mingyu is gay either.” 

“Holy shit- Mingyu is gay?” 

“Something like that.” Joshua’s head tipped to the side in thought, completely unaware that Vernon’s eyes were completely widened by his previous statement and his mouth still hung open idiotically minutes after the fact had first been revealed. “He doesn’t identify as completely gay because he certainly likes females a lot too. I guess you didn’t notice him kissing Wonwoo because you were in the other room with Seungcheol and all… But either way, you shouldn’t go around judging by who looks gay or not based on looks alone. I guess you could only be sure if they’re wearing some kind of rainbow pin or whatever, but real life doesn’t always work like that.” 

“Wait, he’s with Wonwoo? Like…together as boyfriends?!” Vernon practically screeched, his voice raising in several octaves in his shock. 

Joshua licked his lips slowly before pressing them together, a bit stuck in his thoughts for a moment. “See, this is where it gets kind of confusing. You might have not had a chance to know a lot about the subject, due to you being stuck on a hyper-misogynistic sports team for all of your high school life, but there’s sort of a spectrum.” 

“The only spectrum I’m aware of is the color one.” 

Joshua watched Vernon deadpan and fought the urge to smack himself in the face. Or maybe smacking Vernon would have been the better choice. “See, when people actually discover that they have some sort of feelings for the same gender, some people feel 100% into guys, some might be 50/50 and sometimes it’s a little more like 75% for one gender over the other.” Joshua explained to him slowly and calmly despite wanting to shake his fellow American friend for being completely ignorant to the subject. 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t know.” Vernon admitted honestly, genuinely having no information on the subject whatsoever. He never even thought about all this gay shit before living with Seungkwan, who he had assumed to be 100% into guys without any sort of percentage in the mix. “I guess I never really noticed it? But if we’re talking about me, I’d say I’m at the percentage of 100% female.” 

“Which is why you’ve probably never even thought about it.” Joshua let out a soft sigh, still a bit baffled at Vernon’s complete newness of the topic but willing to explain everything to him regardless. “At least there’s always an opportunity to open up your small little pubescent teen mind and inform you of some real world struggles.” 

“Hey, I’m like twenty though! Puberty ended a long time ago for me.” Vernon pointed out, his mind wandered a bit as he moved to play around with his pencil, distractedly spinning around the object between his fingers. 

Joshua bit back a teasing grin, trying to keep a straight face as he looked into Vernon’s eyes. “I’ve come to the realization that jocks have a mental process that is much slower than average. It must be all the head injuries and collisions.” 

“Shut it, church boy. That’s not nice.” Vernon clicked his tongue and pretended to swing at his friend, in which Joshua smiled playfully at him and pushed his arm away. “Anyways, how did you find all of this about Mingyu? You just saw him kiss Wonwoo and asked him about it?” 

“Yeah, they’re pretty public with each other.” Joshua nodded firmly, their playful actions turning more serious as Vernon interestedly kept his eyes on his friend. “I would say Mingyu was in a situation like you are now, where he felt like he was completely into girls. But then one day he met Wonwoo and it just clicked for him.” 

“So…” Vernon deadpanned. “What does that mean?” 

“He was attracted to Wonwoo and it’s as simple as that.” 

“So he woke up one day and he turned gay?” 

Once again Joshua resisted the urge to strangle his friend. 

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Vernon practically whined out, his head that had been resting upon his own arms moving to slightly hide behind his forearms. As he allowed his chin to rest upon the desk, the cool surface of the table did wonders for his flushing face. For some reason he just felt so embarrassed at his inexperience with the subject. He had absolutely no idea about which questions were okay to ask or not. Or which would come off as ‘stupid questions’. 

“I mean, I don’t think you just wake up one day and decide to be gay…” Joshua’s voice emphasized, allowing his fingers to brush through his hair softly as he continued to explain it in simple terms to his friend. “But in Mingyu’s case, it seemed like he met someone who made him feel that sort of attraction to the same gender for the first time. I’m not sure if he would even be interested in guys if he hadn’t met Wonwoo.” 

“That’s… kind of… incredible actually?” Vernon’s eyes lit up with amazement, a barely audible gasp leaving his lips. “How you could meet someone and suddenly your whole life is changed like that.” Despite not fully understanding the situation that his two friends had going on, something about their story made Vernon’s heart feel pleasantly warm for some reason. He’d never even considered that type of thing to be a possibility before. In his head, their scenario was something like what he’d seen in the movies before, like when the characters meet for the first time and immediately fall in love at first sight. Then little fireworks would explode from around their heads and sparks would be visible from the simple touch of their fingertips. 

“It’s probably not that common though. The two of them are quite the special case.” The other American boy tried to calm him down slightly, a soft chuckle pushing past his lips as he continued to explain. “From what Mingyu told me, they’re not dating and they’re not considered to be boyfriends either. They’re just...happy together and content with living without labels like that.” 

A small circle formed on Vernon’s lips, an instant hum of understanding resonating from him. Now he could fully get a grasp on the situation. In such an unexpected process of finding someone and realizing that your feelings were something unlike you’ve ever felt before, that must be a hell of a lot of self discovery to go through. He didn’t even blame Mingyu for not wanting to put labels on their relationship like that. Despite being horrible at understanding those kinds of feelings for the same gender, Vernon couldn’t help his curiosity to try and imagine himself in the same circumstance. 

The first day that he had met Jeonghan, if he was being completely honest, something did attract him about the elegant male. Something about his presence intrigued Vernon, and he was aesthetically pleasing to his eyes. Yet, when he tried to imagine the two of them….getting physical besides maybe a little kiss, he was instantly shaken back to reality. Something inside him didn’t really think he could pursue anything further than that. Vernon teethed at his lower lip, the slightly dry skin bitten down on in a moment of anxiousness. 

“Josh, when I saw Jeonghan for the first time, I thought he was damn good looking.” He confessed honestly, his eyes glancing at his friend for a second before back at some wall. Never imagining himself to admit this kind of thing out loud, and especially to another guy friend, made his world possibly shatter as soon as the secret was out there. Yet with the two of them pushed away from the rest of the student body in their own little secret corner of the library, admitting it in a shaky whisper wouldn’t shake up his world too much. 

“Me too.” Joshua admitted in return, casually pushing the conversation forward in disregard to Vernon’s change in behavior. “I don’t think you should worry about your own sexuality too much just because of Jeonghan though. I’m sure a lot of guys feel some sort of attraction to him because his looks and behavior come off as feminine sometimes.” 

“But what if….what if...” Vernon hesitated for quite a long time, a hard lump of anxiety building up in his throat that would surely suffocate him if he didn’t get the words out eventually. “What if that means I’m like 1% interested in guys?” 

“Then you’re interested in guys. Nothing more to it.” Joshua replied with a soft grin on his features, as he started sorting through his notebook again. “It’s college after all. You can hide your real feelings behind alcohol and blame it on an experimentation phase.”

Vernon attempted to gather all of the spinning thoughts in his head, yet he certainly couldn’t come to terms with all of this new information so quickly. Like Joshua, he decided it was probably best to just get back to their history assignment. All of the talk about sexuality already stimulated his brain enough for today. If they kept it up then he’d definitely have no energy left to complete the worksheets. 

“Damn, you’re good at this shit.” He mumbled under his breath, a forced sigh escaping his lips as he tried to shake his mind off the subject. “How did you learn all of this anyways?” 

Joshua was caught off guard by the question at the question, his posture stiffening up visibly as his hold on his pencil slackened in his hand. “Remember that spectrum I told you about? I’m definitely not 100% anything either...” 

Vernon had never seen Joshua so hesitant in opening up to himself. It caused him to worry for a second, his eyes examining the elder’s expression carefully. If what he just confessed was true, that would mean Joshua also had some sort of attraction towards guys as well. Realizing that he’d just been trusted with one of his closest friend’s secrets, Vernon was a bit taken aback. Sure, the two of them were close, but Vernon never thought of himself worthy enough to deserve to listen in on serious life-altering secrets such as Joshua’s orientation. Something about Josh confiding in him made him feel kind of touched. He smiled gently over at Joshua, nudging him in the arm. 

“So…what’s your number like then?” Vernon’s voice was also kept in a whisper, like speaking in any normal tone would ruin the tenderness of the moment. 

Joshua’s rich chocolate colored irises disappeared quickly behind one of his signature smiles that reached to his eyes. “Probably like 25%” 

 

. . . . . 

 

Ever since Vernon had met all of Mingyu’s roommates and they decided to form some sort of group to practice rap together, all of them kept in touch through a kkt groupchat. Despite being separated by their different school years, majors, and time schedules, their chat log was always active throughout the day. In between classes, Vernon would check in with their little group of four, scrolling past endless shitposts that Mingyu had inserted, occasional pictures of dogs from Seungcheol, and actual written lyrics from Wonwoo. Although they had made the chat originally to share ideas of songs to cover, progressions on beats that they made, or lyrics they scribbled out, not much work was actually being done. 

Seungcheol had played around with the idea of holding a weekly meeting, so they could actually gather all of their thoughts in person, but it took a few weeks of learning everyone’s schedules until it actually happened. 

[ s.coups ] : hey, my friend is gonna let us use one of the sound booths above the auditorium so we can play around with recording. can you guys still make it tonight? 

[ memegyu ] : damn, papa scoups always got those hook ups- 

[ vernon ] : yeah, i’ll be there

[ wonu ] : wait, why are we meeting again? 

[ memegyu ] : last one there is a rotten egg ! ! 

[ memegyu ] : wonwoo just show up please

[ s.coups ] : i don’t know how often we can get to use the studio so you better actually come 

[ wonu ] : it’s friday night??   
[ memegyu ] : …..s o? 

[ vernon ] : not like i had any other plans anyways, heh 

[ wonu ] : shouldn’t like we at least go out and do something? 

[ s.coups ] : if you show, i’ll buy pizza and beer after. how about that? 

[ wonu ] : i’ll bring that herb 

[ memegyu ] : omg thanks i love oregano on my pizza 

[ wonu ] : not that one… 

[ s.coups ] : if you smoke in jihoon’s studio he will kill me and then i will find you and kill you too

[ s.coups ] : be on your best behavior, kids 

[ vernon ] : just remind me of the time tomorrow once you find it out 

 

And with that, the team found themselves meeting up n the university’s sound booth on a Friday evening after classes finished up. The miniature studio was located way back in the auditorium, against the farthest ceiling from the stage. Being quite up in the air from the actual students who used the auditorium for after school activities, it took the boys quite awhile to even find their way up to the space. The area was purposely positioned behind a series of corridors that students normally didn’t have access to, in order to protect the expensive recording equipment from just anyone who happened to wander up there. 

Somehow one of Seungcheol’s friends had allowed him to access the place. Vernon definitely worried about whether this would have been a bad decision or not to trust them in using the studio. With so much expensive equipment in pristine condition, with absolutely no specks of dust to be found, it was somewhat disastrous to let their group of careless friends in. Vernon definitely didn’t know what half of the equipment was used for, but his fingers curiously slid over various buttons and switches with negligence. It was interesting. He couldn’t help but to attempt to figure out what everything meant. 

No one in their group actually knew how to use the recording equipment. They managed to find an aux cord to play around with. All four members of the amature rap group huddled around a phone, all of them plopping down on the floor and just scrolling through their favorite playlists. Beats vibrated through the high quality speakers of their tiny sound box in the sky, echoing off of the sound proof walls in a way that caused the floor to rumble slightly. It might have been the fact that the music was so loud to tune out his voice, but as soon as he felt the rhythm of his favorite songs, Vernon couldn’t help but to freely recite verses off of his tongue. 

As they bonded over their favorite tracks, Vernon found himself loosening up quite a bit in their company. They might have only met about a week or so ago, but something about the atmosphere made him feel so comfortable here. He let his guard completely down, joining in with Seungcheol to assist him in his pronunciation during a Drake song, and even trying to imitate Wonwoo’s signature style of low tone rapping. And when Mingyu attempted the same impersonation, it just ended up sounding kind of lazy and slurred and caused the group to burst out in laughter.

“And this…” Seungcheol managed to say after their shared fit of laughter, his cheeks still slightly red from the lack of proper breathing. His hand moved to pat Mingyu’s shoulder affectionately, shaking the younger male’s body around amusedly. “...is why we shouldn’t try and copy anyone else’s rapping style, not even the pros. Mingyu, you gotta stick to your signature style of ad libs and inflections.” 

“It’s got to be an acquired skill or something- rapping, I mean.” Wonwoo clarified as he stared up at the ceiling, his previous sitting position moved into somewhat more of a lethargic slouch against Mingyu’s free side. “Like when you open your mouth, it’s either there or it isn’t.” 

Vernon’s eyes squinted slightly in concentration, trying to understand what he was trying to convey. Maybe his Korean skills weren’t completely there yet. When he locked eyes with Seungcheol, who currently looked equally as lost, they both had to suppress their snickers at that bit of incomprehensible Wonwoo Wisdom. 

Meanwhile, Mingyu’s plump lips had fallen open into a small exclamation of awe. “Wow, that was so… deep. You should write lyrics about that sometime.” He praised the abstract mind of his friend, one hand reaching over to ruffle at the wispy black locks of Wonwoo’s hair. Vernon watched as the usually straight faced Wonwoo smugly smiled to himself, his features resembling somewhat of a feline. 

“Well, I think we’ve all got a pretty basic idea of what we would sound like as a group.” Seungcheol spoke up, interrupting Vernon from his moment of staring. “As for the next step, how about we pick one song that can compliment our vocals equally and just play around with it?” 

“Yeah, that sounds fine to me. Oh, by the way, we can stick with Korean songs too. I’d rather struggle with having to memorize a little unfamiliar Korean than having to teach all three of you English.” Vernon let out a small chuckle, grabbing his phone and starting to search through possible song suggestions all over again. 

 

Only a few moments into quite song searching, Wonwoo mumbled out. “Wait, I remember someone promising pizza on our chat…” 

“Yeah? I remember I did say that…” Seungcheol drew out, putting his phone down to get an answer from the group. “You guys hungry? I think Jeonghan is finishing up work soon. Maybe he can pick one up for us on his way back.” 

Mingyu let out some loud noise of excitement while Wonwoo and Vernon just nodded. 

“Alright, alright, let’s do a break time now then. Mingyu, why don’t you take Vernon and go pick up some drinks for us? I think there’s a vending machine on the first floor right below this level.” Seungcheol suggested as he fished around for a credit card inside of his jean pockets, passing it over to Mingyu’s awaiting fingers. With a quick word to thanks to their elder for treating them tonight, Vernon and Mingyu attempted to find their way to the first floor despite a complete lack of knowledge of the layout of their school's auditorium. 

It took a bit of mindless wandering to even find a staircase that went down to the first floor, but Vernon was able to locate it in just a few minutes. Keeping up with Mingyu was the real challenge though. It might have been his long limbs or seemingly endless supply of energy but Vernon kept on losing track of him down corridors. It seemed like as soon as Mingyu managed to figure out where he was going, he just kind of raced off ahead. 

“What the hell, why are you sprinting?” Vernon called out to him, his legs moving at a pace that was somewhat of an awkward mix between a skipping walk and a run. “I’m a freshman. You’re the one who's suppose to me leading me around.” 

From a few paces ahead Mingyu cackled out wildly, spinning the credit card around in his hold. “Nah, you don’t get it, Vernon! Scoup’s card is like almost unlimited, I’m pretty sure of it! We’re gonna get one of every drink in the machine and mix them together. It’s gonna be totally exciting like some science experiment.” 

Watching his friend’s open excitement during such a simple task was enough to make Vernon bite back a smile as well, left there to shake his head at the sheer amusement of it. Maybe Mingyu’s attitude was infectious to everyone or something. Being around him just put Vernon in a whole different kind of mood that no one else could. Maybe he was secretly infecting everyone with happiness every time he sneezed on them. 

As they finally located the drink machine, Vernon made the responsible choice to just buy a few colas and waters for everyone back at the sound booth. He could truthfully say that he did what he was told and only bought enough drinks as he was expected to. But once that card was in Mingyu’s hand, he couldn’t be held responsible for whatever happened next. 

“Aw, shit!” Mingyu howled out, kicking at the machine with his shoe in an attempt to dislodge something. “It said there was only one orange juice left in stock but it shit out some grapefruit juice instead!” 

One of Vernon’s eyebrows raised upwards in questioning. “So…. get an orange sports drink instead?” 

“But it’s not the same. Wonwoo can’t drink grapefruit juice because he says it makes his stomach feel too acidic or sour afterwards, and then he also told me he doesn’t like sports drinks unless he does some physical activity beforehand.” Mingyu’s lower lip jutted out slightly as he listed off his reasons to complain, the tip of his shoe still bumping against the machine in case a miracle would happen. Vernon watched on with a bit of uncertainty, wondering in his mind what he could do to make things better. 

Seeing Mingyu in a little fit of lovesickness made him reminisce to the days when he was in high school. If there was a girl he particularly fancied he’d try to go out of his way to impress her. Small acts were key, like bringing her a starbucks to her morning class, or fighting to pay for her lunch at the cafeteria. It had been quite a long time since he had a girl he was really trying to pursue like that, but reminiscing on the feeling still came easily. That kind of effort to do anything to make that person’s day a little bit happier still reminded him of his younger self. 

Despite having his hands full with beverages already, he made his way over to Mingyu and tried to help. All it took was swiping the card again, re-entering the numbers for the drink carefully, and yet another orange juice was able to roll out. Vernon smiled confidently over at an astonished Mingyu. “See, maybe it was hidden behind the other one.” 

“Are you a wizard?” 

“No, Mingyu. Not even close.” 

Vernon let Mingyu take his time in successfully ordering one of each drink from the machine. Although Mingyu was a year older than himself, something mentally made him feel like Mingyu was more like a little brother to him than their actual ages. Either way, despite being one of the most ‘out-there’ people Vernon had met in his whole life, he quite adored the kid. No matter about how wild or loud he could get. 

On the way back, he had gotten too distracted listening to one of Mingyu’s interesting stories that somehow they had wandered up a completely different staircase than the one they did before. In an attempt to find back to the studio, they stumbled upon the entrance to the auditorium’s second floor balcony. 

“Hey, think we can find the three musketeers down there?” Mingyu leaned his body over the balcony edge, eyes searching attentively at a group of about 40 students who were currently using the stage. Vernon blinked a few times at Mingyu’s question, realizing he was most likely talking about Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Seungkwan. 

“Ah, Seungkwan usually does theatre stuff on Friday nights so actually they’re probably down there.” Vernon concluded, joining Mingyu in their search for their friends below. He didn’t remember what Seungkwan had worn that morning, so that made it harder to pick him out of the crowd of students who were dispersed all over the stage. A large majority of them were working on large props or other decorations. That clearly wasn’t Seungkwan’s favorite part of theatre. As his eyes scanned around for the students who focused on acting, it was relatively simple to find his friends.

They comprised part of a pretty large circle of other performers, certainly the loud members of the theatre production group. There was a mix of script reading, roleplaying, dancing, and occasionally singing too. He noted the singing since currently Seungkwan and Seokmin seemed to be lecturing each other on how to sing a particular note with correct inflection. If he focused his ears closely enough, he could pick out their distinct voices over the crowd. Currently Seungkwan looked like he was winning their mini competition. 

“Hey, take a look at your boy!” Mingyu grinned at him toothily, nudging at his arm rapidly. 

“Seungkwan’s my boy?” 

“Well, he’s your boo. But anyways, look at what he’s wearing! Isn’t that the jacket you got him for his birthday?” 

Vernon had to squint his eyes to make out exactly what his roommate was wearing, but it did appear to be the same exact leather jacket. A bit relieved to actually see Seungkwan using his gift during his theatre practices, Vernon bit back a smile. “Sure seems like it.” 

“I’m gonna snapchat them from up here and try to disturb them.” Mingyu announced suddenly with a mischievous grin, allowing himself to put down his large stockpile of drinks onto one of the theatre seats before taking various pictures of their friends.

“They’re probably too busy to fool around though…” 

In no time at all, Soonyoung approached Seokmin and Seungkwan, phone in hand as he pointed up towards the balcony with a smirk gracing his features. Both Mingyu and Vernon felt their bodies freeze up. They were officially caught stalking. Mingyu cursed out and tried to hide behind the railing as Vernon sheepishly waved in their direction. 

He expected to get a few waves back, but Seungkwan just sort of ran off stage and in a completely different direction. 

Vernon glanced between Mingyu and his other two friends down below, taken off guard by Seungkwan’s sudden disappearance. He nipped at his lower lip, toying it around between his teeth as he furrowed his brow. “Um, what was that…? Why did Seungkwan just--” 

Mingyu’s phone buzzed and Vernon watched as the taller male frantically scooped up as much drinks as he could manage and take off running. Before he could get too far, Seungkwan burst through the nearest exit door and wrapped his arms tightly around his friend. Everything was such a blur for Vernon. How did this all happen so quickly? 

“Are you up here taking pictures of me again?” Seungkwan lowered his eyes at the male, still keeping his body clutched tightly in his arms despite Mingyu’s attempts to wiggle out of his hold. Despite being confronted by Seungkwan, he couldn’t keep a straight face. Countless giggles escaped his lips as the two of them play fought, their actions coming off much more affectionate than anything Vernon had to worry about. 

“Nah, I was really up here for a purpose, Seungkwannie!” Mingyu insisted sincerely, although it was hard to believe by the look on his face. “We’re doing some practice up in the recording booth. Didn’t Vernon tell you?” 

Seungkwan’s eyes shifted from being pre-occupied with Mingyu, losing some of their intensity as he met Vernon’s gaze instead. One eyebrow flicked upwards in questioning. “No, he didn’t tell me…Why does he have to tell me? Did you guys break in there?” 

Vernon smiled a bit shyly, allowing his shoulders to shrug up. “Sorry to break it to you, Seungkwan, I know you really wanna punish Mingyu and all, but I think we actually got permission to go in there.” As Vernon cleared up the situation, he watched on as Seungkwan’s lower lip slowly started to protrude outwards in an attempt of a pout. 

“Couldn’t you at least say something incriminating so that I could bother Mingyu a bit more?” Seungkwan let out a small huff, yet released his hold on the giant boy who was only somehow one year older than they were. Instantly, Mingyu escaped through the nearest exit and left Vernon there to fend for himself. Seungkwan made his way over to his roommate, raising his foot upwards to kick at Vernon’s leg playfully. “I thought you’re supposed to be on my side, but somehow Mingyu talked you into spying on us too?” 

“Not exactly.” Vernon grinned at him cheerfully, taking a moment to respond to Seungkwan’s kick with a nudge to his hip. “We really were practicing rap stuff up in the sound booth. Then on the way back from getting these drinks we really did get kind of lost and end up here. But accidentally spying on you guys was kind of like a bonus?” 

Seungkwan’s arms crossed over his chest, allowing his eyes to roll around dramatically despite the amused smile that was starting to grace his features. “I hate it. It’s like cheating. Just wait for the actual show and I’ll let you see my performance.”   
“We didn’t see much, just you and Seokmin-” 

“Whatever, it’s still not fair. Hey, gimme one of those drinks.” Seungkwan insisted, already on the way to reach out for one before Vernon turned his body away, clutching them defensively to his chest. “Why are you being stingy? I just ran up the whole flight of stairs to catch you guys here.” 

“I think you should offer something in exchange.” Vernon suggested, his words laced with hidden meaning as he leaned closer to his best friend, an expectant look in his eyes. 

“Fine, what do you want?” Seungkwan groaned out, fully giving into Vernon’s game. 

“Oh, there’s nothing in particular I want.” Vernon kept his eyes locked onto Seungkwan, head tipping to the side in an attempt to act coy at one of his fingers raised upwards to tap at his lips. Usually Seungkwan was the one who initiated teasing him or playing at him in some sort of way. With the tables turned, Vernon was having quite a lot of fun like this. “But in cases like this, shouldn’t you offer up some sort of talent or performance? I mean, if you want the reward you should probably put in some effort for it.” 

“Chwe Hansol, you’re so annoying.” 

“I learned it from you.” Vernon responded back with a shit-eating grin, his tone purposely coming off as more annoying because he knew how easily it affected Seungkwan. “Now, hurry up before I change my mind. Do you have a talent or not?” 

“I can sing?” 

“In English please.” 

“Ugh, why?” 

“Just….wanna make you work harder for it?” 

Seungkwan mumbled something under his breath that was most likely a complaint about Vernon, but he didn’t mind. It was just kind of funny putting Seungkwan in a position that didn’t happen often at all. Vernon had to physically bite down on his bottom lip to suppress his chuckles from spilling out as he watched Seungkwan’s eyes travel to the ceiling, a sign that he was thinking intently. Uncertain lips moved, silently trying to make sense of the foreign lyrics in his head before reciting them to Vernon.

Vernon couldn’t help himself from picking apart his best friend a little more. “You’d better hurry up. I’m sure the guys will want me to head back soon. Are you going to do it or not?” 

“Yeah, fine. Just get over here.” Seungkwan made a scooping motion with his arm, signaling Vernon to take the remaining steps between the two of them, but Vernon simply tipped his head to the side in questioning. “Get over here, you troublemaker. I don’t want the rest of the student to hear me.” 

“Why wouldn’t you want them to hear you? Your voice is perfect.” Vernon mumbled out under his breath as Seungkwan just sighed dramatically. 

“Because it’s going to sound too perfect that it will distract their progress and break hearts.” 

“Oh…” 

“I’m kidding. Obviously.” Seungkwan insisted with a soft chuckle this time, making his way over to Vernon himself and taking a hold on his wrist. Vernon happened to be significantly taller than him by a few inches. He didn’t always realize it because Seungkwan was in his presence so often, but at a time like this, the height difference was evident. His roommate had his fingers wrapped around his wrist, taking the opportunity to tug him down slightly to a more comfortable height. 

“If you laugh at me, I’m going to throw you off this balcony-” 

“What? Why would I laugh?” Vernon turned his head to face Seungkwan, who was still inching close to his ear as he brought his voice lower. 

“Because I don’t know that many English songs. Sorry if it’s kind of old...” Seungkwan mumbled under his breath as he let his body lean against Vernon’s shoulder, the fingers that had been wrapped around Vernon’s wrist moved to cup around his lips, allowing Vernon to be the only one who could hear his words despite being in an auditorium filled with students. 

The sudden physical proximity made Vernon tense up slightly, the anticipation locking his body into place as he tried to focus only on Seungkwan’s quiet voice. With soft, plump lips almost directly brushing against his ear, and an ever so shaky hand being the barrier between his voice and the outside world, Seungkwan began singing to him. 

strumming my pain with his fingers  
singing my life with his words,  
killing me softly with his song,  
killing me softly with his song,

In one of the most hushed melodies he had ever been graced with hearing, Seungkwan’s voice dipped from smooth as honey tones down to husky low notes. There was an underlying shyness in his serenade, the uncertainty of rolling the English consonants off of his tongue along with the hesitance of letting someone else hear him sing so closely. Vernon had never experienced the kind of talent for a human to sing so beautifully and so effortlessly on such a personal level before. Seungkwan’s rich voice accompanied the ever so palpable brushing of lips against his skin. Warm exhales of breath ghosted over his nape from each syllable vocalized in acapella. 

As Seungkwan finished up the chorus and pulled away from his personal, Vernon was still lost in the moment. The eyes that had slipped shut in order to hear every word from Seungkwan slowly opened yet again. He felt like he was in a haze, hard to shake himself back to reality as Seungkwan took one of the water bottles from his arms with a proud grin on his features. 

“Thanks, you don’t have to tell me anything for feedback. I know I did a good job.” His roommate took a long sip of the drink as he glanced up at Vernon, smiling up at him confidently as he fully understood the disoriented expression on Vernon’s face. “I should be heading back to practice now though. I’ll catch you later tonight back at the dorm, okay?” 

Vernon muttered out an attempt at a goodbye, waving Seungkwan off as he retreated off down some stairway before really getting to see Vernon’s awkward response. He turned to head off in his own direction, walking completely out of sight from the open auditorium as he found the way back to the recording studio. But before he could make it all the way there, his back pressed against the cool concrete wall, hold slackening on the drinks he was supposed to be carrying back to his friends. 

His pale skin was almost certainly flushed right now. As he took a deep breath, trying to somewhat regulate his body temperature, the air came out much more shaky and out of control than he had hoped it would. Fingers fussed at the collar of his shirt in an attempt to give himself a little cool air, yet it felt like all of his nerves were still on edge. Rebelling against everything in his mind that tried to deny it, the sensitive skin on his nape had a mind of it’s own. All it could feel was the presence of someone beside him. The tenderness of delicate skin against skin. The intermingling of shared body heat. 

Vernon’s fingertips moved upwards to brush over the skin that betrayed his own thoughts.


	6. opening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vernon gets closer to jeonghan and learns some new information about him, says something that seungkwan greatly appreciates, and works on preparing something for a special senior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for returning back for the next chapter of this story. i really appreciate all of the super sweet comments that i've been receiving and it's surely a pleasure to read them all! there's something i'd like to introduce into the overall concept of this story. 
> 
> i always worry that in a two character centered story that the more 'background' characters won't seem as fleshed out or as focused on so i try to develop them as much as possible. although within this current vernon/seungkwan based story, i don't have as many chances to introduce those characters completely. i have some extra character specific stories in planning for those sort of side characters (mingyu, jeonghan, joshua, etc.) so they will eventually be revealed. i mean, i'll probably wait until after the WHOLE series ends, but at least there's more to look forward to in order to understand the whole story! ! there's a few characters i really particularly am dying to write about so i hope you'll enjoy it just as much as i have done plotting it out. 
> 
> anyways, I hope like always that you'll enjoy this chapter and have a good week until next time!

“Hey, welcome back!” Seungcheol greeted him with almost a too cheerful expression as a still somewhat emotionally distressed Vernon returned back to the recording studio. Distractedly, he responded to the elder’s high five before flopping down onto the floor with the rest of his friends. He was ready to shake his mind off of whatever just happened to him after hearing Seungkwan singing to him, and the best way to get his mind off of anything would be food. It seemed like Jeonghan had finished up his work for tonight and treated them all to pizza too. 

As Vernon joined the circle of hungry boys around the boxes of food, he noticed the blond haired male greet him with a small smile and a wink. “Hey, American boy. It’s been quite awhile, huh?” 

Vernon could only respond by letting out a quiet chuckle, shoulders shrugging up inattentively as he began to treat himself to the food. “Yeah, I guess…” He wasn’t exactly in the mood for talking right now. After what happened in the hallway, he wasn’t sure if he was coming down sick with something or whatever, but he needed some space to figure out his thoughts now. 

“How’s chocolate boy?” Jeonghan continued on throughout a bite of pizza. Vernon’s eyes distractedly watched the usually delicate male carelessly tear into the slice of pizza, allowing the blond locks of hair to flip over his shoulder to prevent them from getting in the way. 

“Chocolate boy…?” 

“Your other little American friend.” Jeonghan explained. Vernon didn’t make the connection between the quirky nickname and Joshua based off anything previously in his memory but he didn’t question it. 

“Oh, Josh? He’s fine, I guess. I just saw him a few hours ago.” He mumbled out as he took a slow bite into his own food, not really sure of what else to respond with. It seemed like Jeonghan wanted him to say more based on the way that the older male’s eyes continued peering into his own, but at a time like this, this was all he was gonna get. 

Jeonghan simply replied with, “cool”, and Vernon couldn’t really tell if he was actually serious or just said it to end the conversation. They stared at nowhere in particular, all of the guys just eating in silence. Dinner came late and all of them were relatively starving, choosing not to make small talk in exchange for rapidly inhaling their food much like college aged males did. 

“How was work, Jeonghannie?” Seungcheol broke the silence as he shot a look over to his own personal roommate, a playful sneer growing on his features. “Got any crazy stories for us today?” 

Mingyu let out a noise of excitement, clapping his hands as he leaned in closer. “Oh! And what happened to that girl who kept on waiting outside of your classroom?” 

Vernon curiously watched as Jeonghan himself had to bite back a grin as well, placing his half finished pizza down to spill out some gossip. “My math class stalker? Well, after I noticed it happening nearly every day of the week at the same time, it kind of freaked me out a little. But she’s a freshman girl, totally harmless-” 

“That doesn’t mean it’s alright for her to follow you around though.” Seungcheol insisted softly as he paused eating, eyes glancing over at his friend with a hint of worry in his deep brown eyes. “If you need help confronting her, we could all go together and support you.” 

“Yeah! Didn’t you make it clear she was banned from your services ever again after the time she tried to rub your thigh in the movie theatre?” Mingyu practically spat out, passion rising up through him as he leaned even closer into their slowly tightening circle. 

One on Vernon’s eyebrows flicked upwards at the mention of some scandalous details into their conversation. He had absolutely no idea what context this was occurring in, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t interested. Keeping completely silent, he just let the story unfold. Vernon was never one to get involved with gossip, but when his friends were involved, how couldn’t he be absorbed into it? 

“Well, I did block her from nearly every social media account I have so there’s no way she could have tried to ask for services in the first place. There’s no way to block someone in real life from showing up at your classroom at a certain time in a public campus though. She could just say she’s waiting for her own class or something too.” 

“Um, restraining order?!” Mingyu chimed in a little too passionately and Wonwoo shushed him with a fingertip. 

“Nah, it’s not that serious…” Jeonghan trailed off as his head tipped to the side, the fragile locks of long silky hair framing his features as he took a moment for thought. Vernon thought that he looked so vulnerable right now. He didn’t even know that much about Jeonghan but the way his normally calm and soothing voice sounded small and defenseless pulled at his heartstrings. 

Without much hesitation, his arm reached out to gently rest on his older friend’s shoulder. “If it bothers you enough like this, then it’s something we have to take seriously.” Vernon pressed him gently, earning a series of supportive nods from the other guys as well. “We can meet you after your class and walk with you so that she doesn’t have a chance to talk to you.” 

Jeonghan stared back into his eyes, carefully biting down on his lip for a moment before his eyes wandered to gauge at the expressions of his friends as well. As Jeonghan met eyes with Seungcheol, Vernon noticed how something in him just seemed to let loose. He let out a long drawn out sigh, the arm that Vernon had been resting his own against moved out from under his hold as Jeonghan shakily ran his hand through his hair. 

“Guys, I already confronted her today.” 

Instead of absolute silence breaking through the room, it was almost the opposite. Multiple voices of concerns rose up, all of Jeonghan’s roommates shocked at the reveal of information. Vernon wasn’t close to Jeonghan like the others were, of course they had years of time together that he couldn’t compete with, but he knew something had to be wrong by the amount of unease at the matter. 

Seungcheol tried to soothe some of the worry that Mingyu and Wonwoo seemed to be undergoing, keeping his voice low and calm as he quietly attempted to shush them. “Jeonghan, just tell us what happened.” 

Vernon watched on as he could physically see Jeonghan’s thought process working out in his mind simply by reading the emotions through his eyes. There was uncertainly, maybe a bit of fear, quite a lot of shame, and a few things that Vernon wasn’t even sure of. All he knew, was that when Jeonghan slid his graceful fingers down the black tie he had been wearing, Vernon didn’t realize how long he had been holding his breath. 

The tie was moved aside, white collared shirt unbuttoned, an angry mess of a red blotch staining the naked skin of his neck. 

This time the whole room went deafeningly silent. All younger males shifted their gaze solely onto Seungcheol, who was their rock in terms of dealing with anything rough that could ever happen to them. But with the way that Seungcheol kept his jaw locked firmly together, deep black orbs glaring at the bruising imperfection on Jeonghan’s skin, even their source of security could not handle this situation with dignity. 

“Explain.” Seungcheol nearly growled out. “Now.” 

Jeonghan didn’t change his demeanor in front of his enraged elder, simply allowing his head to dip down in shame in front of them. Vernon’s teeth toyed at his lower up, eyebrows furrowed together stressfully as he watched the way golden strands of hair slid over the irritated blotch of skin. 

“It’s not an accident. She didn’t do it without my permission. I allowed her to do it.” Jeonghan’s eyes slid shut as he took a shaky breath, keeping his head still lowered slightly so he wouldn’t have to read any of his friend’s judging expressions. 

Vernon wasn’t going to be the one to speak. It wasn’t his place at all. Expecting to hear something from Seungcheol after he controlled his emotions, he was incredibly caught off guard when Mingyu was the next to speak up. 

“What the fuck, hyung?” Mingyu vocalized, passion almost getting the best of him as his voice was raising to a shout. “I thought you made a promise to me! That this whole fucking paid dating or hosting thing wouldn’t turn physical someday!” 

Wonwoo’s eyes were hard to read, the black spheres hiding much of his emotions behind the simple color of his pupils, but Vernon watched as the normally inexpressive male seemed to be suppressing something too. “I remember the promise to be that only spontaneous physical contact could occur if you both mutually wanted it, and no money was to be exchanged.” His voice was low, almost monotone as he joined in to the conversation, dark eyes flickering over to the male in questioning. “I’m assuming you got payed for that?” 

All Jeonghan had to do was answer with a nod and all of the boys in the room jumped when Seungcheol suddenly punched the floor with his fist. 

Yet despite his sudden show of aggression, he moved his body cautiously closer to Jeonghan. Strong hands traced over the bleached locks of hair ever so delicately, treating the male like he was the most fragile object in the whole world as his fingers worked in gathering the hair away from his face. Once the hair was tied out of the way and slung over Jeonghan’s shoulder, Vernon looked away as his elder pushed an icy bottle of water against the blushing skin in an attempt to soothe it into a bruise more quickly. 

“I’m not going to ask how much money you got paid for that, because it doesn’t matter to me at all.” Seungcheol’s deep voice broke the smothering atmosphere that had loomed over them all. As Jeonghan’s fingers replaced his own to clutch at the cold compress to the sensitive skin, Seungcheol’s shifted to gingerly hold his hair out of the way. “But what I am going to ask, is why you finally resorted to letting someone pay for physical contact from you?” 

“I confronted her, asked her why she was hanging around even though I told her she’s not welcome to work with me anymore.” Jeonghan started to explain, still keeping his eyelids shut as he tried to keep his breathing calm and stable. “She begged me forgiveness, for a second chance or whatever. But you know I don’t do that. It’s not worth the drama of someone getting feelings for me and then they’re unable to differentiate between my work and my real life.” 

Vernon kept still and completely silent as he tried to piece together Jeonghan’s story. From what he could gather, it seemed like the elder was some sort of escort. Not in the sexual sense of exchanging his body for money or gifts, but more as in paid company for some lonely person out there. With such an ideal face as Jeonghan’s own, it didn’t surprise him at all that he would be able to get paid for going out on dates with girls or posing to be their boyfriend in public. It was a common occurrence in both countries. Vernon didn’t think anything differently of him at all. 

“But with my clients, there’s always this line that can sometimes get fuzzy.” Jeonghan admitted, a light sigh passing through his lips. “Clients can become friends. If I run into one in public when I’m not working with them, I have to act friendly in order to keep good relations. So when I was breaking it off with this girl today, I honestly wanted to cut things completely clean with her but then she asked me for just one last hug and she was so sincere about it and…” 

“You’re too nice.” Mingyu grit out through his teeth. “Tell her work and pleasure don’t mix.” 

Jeonghan continued on without letting Mingyu phase him. “I felt bad. Maybe if I hadn’t gotten her wrapped up in this whole world of paying me to go on dates with her, that maybe she would have been a good friend of mine.” 

“If she paid you to be her imaginary date from the beginning, that’s a friendship that’s already doomed to end bad. She solicited you for meetings because she was already into you.” Wonwoo emphasized, his eyes moving up to stare at the ceiling as he got lost in his thoughts. “One sided love and friendship can’t usually go hand in hand. There’s nothing you could possibly do to make it more easier for her.” 

Jeonghan just smiled to himself, the type of bitter smile of someone coming to accept the truth. “I know that, but I felt like I should let her have a hug at least. One last time. But then she didn’t want to end it like that. She kept on begging me for more time together, and then before I knew it, lips were on my neck and then the cash was already into my hands and….” 

Seungcheol cleared his throat, sensing that Jeonghan didn’t really have much more to explain so he concluded the discussion for him. “Let’s end it at that then. We already made it clear to you at the beginning that we’re not going to judge you for whatever decisions you make. I won’t get angry at you for what happened today.” Seungcheol’s voice let up a deep hum, allowing a single lock of the male’s long hair to twist around his finger. “My only concern is about you. Are you okay with this?” 

“I’m not proud about it, but this kind of job isn’t a honest way to earn money anyways.” Jeonghan let out a weak chuckle, shoulders casually shifting upwards into a shrug. “I knew that there are certain moral decisions that are going to be tough, and this time I fucked up and certainly I’ll regret it. But what I won’t regret is living rent free for the next month and a half?” 

As Jeonghan attempted to make a bad joke about the situation, Mingyu just threw himself into the male’s arms and tackled him down in a completely crushing embrace. Limbs tangled with limbs as they tightly embraced each other, or maybe it was just Mingyu did all the squeezing and grabbing. “Hyung, if you ever worry me again like that, I think I can never forgive you.” Mingyu pushed himself away from Jeonghan enough to look down at his face, whining at his elder enough so that Jeonghan erupted into a mini burst of giggles. 

The previously tense Wonwoo had mellowed out quite a bit, his previously narrowed eyes relaxing quite a bit as a smile began to grow on his face again. Seungcheol seemed to be back into good spirits as well, watching Mingyu play around with his roommate so affectionately that it brought a peaceful smile to his features as well. Although Vernon might have viewed himself as an outsider to their group just moments ago, something inside him felt more included after witnessing this moment. He felt like he was welcome here. He belonged here.

And needless to say, this situation certainly shook his mind off of those troubling emotions from earlier. 

. . . . . 

“You’re back later than expected.” Seungkwan smiled up at Vernon as he made his way back to their shared room, pausing whatever he was watching on his laptop screen and slipping his earphones off to talk with him. “Did you have fun with your rap….er, team? Group?”

“Yeah, something like that.” Vernon let out a chuckle along with his roommate, standing at the doorway to kick off his shoes and discard of his coat and backpack. As he turned the corner, his eyes slightly widened as he noticed Seungkwan was currently dressed in a pair of comfy sweatpants, along with a black sweatshirt with a large adidas logo in the center. Certainly different than the light pastel colors that he normally wore. “Uh… is that mine?” 

 

Seungkwan blinked up at him through the wispy strands of his fringe that hung lower than usual, still wet from just climbing out of the shower. His fingers tugged at the sweatshirt he was wearing, maybe just noticing himself how the material was a little bit bigger than his usual size. “Maybe? I found it in my side of the closet but maybe our stuff got mixed up together in the laundry.”

“Since when do you wear sporty type clothes?” Vernon let out a quiet chuckle of amusement as he made his way over to his own bed, allowing his tired body to flop down on the university’s cheap mattress. It didn’t always feel the best to sleep on, but today had been quite emotionally taxing on him and he didn’t really notice the uncomfortable springs that usually poked at him. All he could focus on was the way that he completely relaxed into the material, eyes sliding shut with a relaxed sigh leaving his lips. 

“It just looked soft and comfortable so I wore it.” Seungkwan explained himself, his lower lip slightly starting to jut out as he looked down at the material and then back to Vernon. “Are you saying it doesn’t look good on me?” 

The quiet voice that asked Vernon for approval caused one of his eyes to slip open. He noted the slightly self-conscious tone in his normally confident roommate’s voice. “Nah, I didn’t say that at all. It looks fine on you, Seungkwan.” 

A smile almost flickered over the older male’s expression, but he looked away again. “I mean, I didn’t even ask if you were okay with me wearing one of your shirts. If it bothers you, I’ll change into something else-”   
“No worries,” Vernon stopped him from continuing on, shaking his head softly as he sent a reassuring smile in his friend’s direction. “It’s been like, what, almost three months since we’ve been living together? If I didn’t stop you from using my stuff already, why would I suddenly stop you now? I never even stopped you from eating the rest of my treasured snack collection.” 

Seungkwan clicked his tongue at him. “Hey, you could have said you were trying to save it. I thought you brought so much to give to your future roommate in the first place. Usually people bring sort of welcoming gift when they come from a different country.” Seungkwan scolded him playfully, starting to smile smugly from his own side of the room. 

In return, Vernon responded, “So what did you bring me from Jeju then?” 

Seungkwan went silent for a few moments, his quick to reply lips slowly closing when he realized Vernon had a point. “I get what you mean, but Jeju is not a different country.” 

“It’s not attached to Korea physically. It’s outside of the country. Therefore, technically it’s a different country.” 

Seungkwan squinted his eyes at him judgmentally before deciding to hurl a pillow in his direction without any need for words to describe his feelings to the other. Vernon cackled as he hugged the pillow to his chest, only waiting until Seungkwan had decided to put his earphones back in before throwing the pillow back at him. Right at his face. 

“...Chwe Hansol, you are asking for trouble right now.” 

“I know.” Vernon practically sang out to him in a childish manner, finding himself unable to stop participating in their teasing wars after Seungkwan would start it. “So what are you going to do to me if I throw another pillow at you?” 

Seungkwan let out an indignant huff, the act puffing up his cheeks in a way that made him look quite childish as well. “Whatever, you’re annoying.” His roommate bickered back at him but without any hint of anger or malice in his voice at all. If anything, it was just an endearing nickname for Vernon by now. “Anyways, enough of this. Tell me about your day. Like how was your meeting with Mingyu and his friends?” 

“Mingyu and friends?” Vernon’s eyebrow quirked up in questioning, craning his neck to look over at the other male. “You mean you’re not friends with Seungcheol-hyung and Wonwoo-hyung too?” 

Seungkwan’s lips pursed together as he let out a low hum, head slightly tipping to the side in thought. “I can’t really say that we’re friends but we definitely know of each other. I’m not really close with them like I am with Mingyu, but when I see them in passing we always greet each other.”   
“So like acquaintances more than friends then.” Vernon nodded in understanding, his eyes moving from watching Seungkwan’s expression to stare distractedly at the ceiling. “I like all of Mingyu’s roommates though, Jeonghan-hyung too. They’re all really interesting and time kind of flies by quickly when we’re together. And they also treat me good. Even though I’m the youngest I never feel like a kid.” 

“Look at you, Hansol. Getting a new social circle of friends that aren’t stolen from me.” Seungkwan commented cheerfully, letting one of his hands raise up to ruffle at his still damp hair. “No, all joking aside though, I’m glad you’re starting to fall into place with things here. It seems like you’re fully settled into your new life in Seoul now.” 

The look on Seungkwan’s face seemed almost proud of him in a way, with similar adoration that his parents or teachers did while giving him praise. Or how his little sister Sofia would look at him when he did something any perfect big brother would do, but because she was younger it would make Vernon look like some kind of hero. That kind of look heated him up on the inside, sending a pink flush to his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

A hand raised up to brush at one of his overheated ears, clearing his throat a bit embarrassedly from the sudden unexpected compliment. “Yeah, things are going pretty good now. I have a lot of new things to look forward to with this new rap group. Like we’re talking about recording covers, writing our own lyrics, maybe even performing in some talent shows if we get good enough…” Vernon trailed off, not trying to get too excited even though all of the new opportunities pushed him towards inspiration. 

“Sounds exciting.” Seungkwan reciprocated his feelings of interest in Vernon’s newfound hobby, a pleasant smile on his face as he brought his knees up to his chest. As his arms wrapped around his curled up legs, the position made his body look much smaller than usual. “Just promise me one thing. Even if someday you get super famous for your rapping, you’re not gonna leave me behind.” 

Vernon let out a breathy laugh, his hand covering his toothy smile. Like that could ever happen. “Seungkwan, if there is remotely the slightest chance that one of us will be able to get famous, that person is going to be you. I mean, are you completely blind to how well you sing or? Plus you already have the vibe and energy of a natural performer. I can just see it when I watch you.” Before he could really notice himself rambling on, the words spilled past his lips unrestrictedly, the true compliments about his roommate’s talent brought to light. 

Uncharacteristically, Seungkwan went silent as the words set in. As Vernon realized he might have said too much and possibly came off as too intent in admiring his vocal skill, he awkwardly shifted his eyes up to the ceiling. Maybe Seungkwan actually noticed the way he had gotten kind of flustered after singing to him earlier today. Then all of these compliments would come off as more creepy than he intended or something. Right when he was about to mentally complain to himself about being too affectionate, Seungkwan was the one to break the silence.   
“Hansol,” Seungkwan called out to him, his voice unusually uncertain. “Did you...Did you really mean those words that you just told me?” 

Unaware of which boundaries stood between them, the possibilities of crossing over some sort of invisible emotional line made Vernon feel like he was in a game of russian roulette. One wrong answer could blur the imaginary lines that defined their current relationship. As he debated with what kind of answer to respond with, his heart started to pound in the uncertainty of it all. Yet at the end of the day, he had to just go with the honest answer. “Yeah, of course I meant it. I mean….why wouldn’t I mean it-” 

“Can I hug you?”

The question was something Seungkwan never asked him before. If he ever needed some sense of physical attention, he would always be the one to initiate it. Whether it came to a hand wrapping around his wrist to pull him in the right direction, the head resting on his shoulder when they watched a movie, or the fingers that tried to smoothen out Vernon’s messy locks of hair on a bad hair day, Seungkwan was the initiator behind all of it. As for hugging each other, they hadn’t really done much of that yet. There was that one time when Vernon held Seungkwan during their all nighter spent outside while waiting for the sunset, but Vernon would now blame it on the multiple alcoholic drinks affecting his system. 

He couldn’t answer verbally. The abrupt question shaking him off of his guard much more than he would ever show. When his eyes met with Seungkwan’s own, all it took was a simple nod for the other to come right into his arms. 

Because Vernon had been laying on his side, the other male had to attempt to carefully slide into the bed next to him, a bit of uncertainly on his features as he curled up to his side. Taking Seungkwan into his arms, Vernon positioned himself more comfortably as he slid his shoulder under the smaller boy’s head, trying to cushion him into his hold. It definitely wasn’t the most smoothest hugs that he had ever experienced. Vernon’s hands were far too clumsy, unaware of where to travel while hugging another male. They rested unskillfully onto the expanse of Seungkwan back, fighting back his own internal embarrassment to rub massaging circles over the area or pat his back or something. His eyebrow furrowed almost frustratedly at his ability to be so painfully awkward with his actions at all times. 

No matter what worries he had, Seungkwan didn’t seem to notice. The head that had been idly resting on Vernon’s shoulder only nuzzled in more at the contact, sending warm waves of affection throughout Vernon’s whole body. With Seungkwan clutched ever so tightly against his chest, Vernon let out an attempted sigh to calm his worried heart. Overthinking about every slight move his body made really could exhaust his mental state when he got like this. Damn his self doubt that could creep up at all times when he begged it not to. 

Seungkwan’s arm that draped over his chest moved slowly, the older male’s fingers carelessly tracing down his side in a rhythmic manner while Vernon kept completely still and silent. He generally allowed Seungkwan to take the lead in skinship, depending on the older male to limit the physical boundaries between them. Seungkwan’s almost mindless, distracted little touches eventually caused Vernon’s heartbeat to slow down substantially.

While allowing himself to take a deeper breath after moments of struggle to control his breathing, nothing but the scent of Seungkwan’s freshly washed hair drifted through his senses. Soft notes of crisp citrus, underlying elements of mint, and something naturally sweet mixed into his consciousness. The eyes that had been peering up at the ceiling slid shut on their own accord, allowing the arm around Seungkwan to tug him in slightly closer as he relaxed under the calming scent. He didn’t feel the need for words. But Seungkwan had something to say.

“Hansol-ah,” The elder’s voice called out to him in a low whisper, Seungkwan’s words ever so slightly muffled by the material of Vernon’s shirt. “What you said to me earlier, that might have been the nicest thing I’ve ever heard someone say to me in my whole life. Thank you. Really, thank you.” 

“Ah… anytime then.” 

And they stayed like that for awhile. 

 

. . . . . 

 

After finishing his last class of the day with Joshua, the two of them decided to head over to one of the most popular cafe locations on campus. Heading back to their dorms after their classes wasn’t the most interesting things to do after class. If they went back to Joshua’s room they’d probably sit around and read comics or watch netflix all day. At Vernon’s room they’d probably just lazily chill around on the beds and get lost in conversations long enough to put off their assignments until later. Either way, checking out the new location was an attempt towards getting out and working on their social lives. 

Both of the boys ordered hot coffee drinks that loaded up with caramel shots and towers of whipped cream on the top. As they made their way over to the seating area, a very familiar voice cried out to them. 

“Vernon! Shua!” No one other than Mingyu could have yelled out that loudly in a public space without worrying of bringing attention to himself, unlike Jeonghan who was currently trying to hide his face away from all the staring cafe patrons. “Come sit with us!” 

Vernon and Joshua exchanged entertained glances, but eagerly made their way over to join their friends. Mingyu pulled Joshua into his side of the booth, his strong arm locking around Josh’s neck and almost forcing him down to take a seat. As Vernon locked eyes with Jeonghan, he made an effort to smile gently at the male, still feeling a bit sympathetic after witnessing what he had a few days ago. The events from that night recalled in his mind as he noticed Jeonghan wearing a sweater with a long neck to cover his bruised skin, probably purposely choosing the garment to hide all evidence of what happened there before. There was something new to Jeonghan too though. The golden locks of hair had been changed to a light brown color.

“Nice hair color. Looks good on you.” Vernon commented out as he took a seat next to the male, sliding into the booth as Jeonghan smiled thankfully in his direction. 

“Just needed a change.” Jeonghan sipped his iced americano through a straw, pausing to wink knowingly over at Vernon as if the two of them had been sharing that secret. “You know what they say, new hair new me.” 

“I liked the blond better. It was pretty.” Mingyu sighed dreamily, palm in his hand. “Especially when I had to wake you up in the morning. You always refused to open you eyes, so I tried to slowly wake you up by playing around with your hair in between my fingers.” He raised his hand in the air, imitating the way he previously went about the action. “Then the sunlight would shine through the gold hair and god damn, I could swear it was magical or something. My little sleeping beauty.” 

Jeonghan bit back his smile, seeming to enjoy the comments but trying not to get the younger male too worked up. “Why don’t you get a blonde girlfriend then? You can mess around with her hair instead.” 

“Yeah, but I have you so what’s the point?” Mingyu smiled adoringly at Jeonghan and maybe even Vernon might have found it cute as well, but there’s no way in hell he’d ever admit it. “Either way, I think any hair color would suit you. Even the crazy ones. What do you think, Josh?” As the other male was brought into the conversation with a quick nudge to the ribs by Mingyu, Joshua blinked and struggled to swallow his sip of coffee. 

“Yeah, what do you think, Joshua?” Jeonghan chimed in as his hand pulled through the silky locks of amber colored hair, playing around with the glossy strands for show as he locked eyes with the gentleman of the group. 

Joshua licked at the remnants of some whipped cream on his lip before allowing his shoulders to shrug upwards. “I think it looks fine too.” 

“Just fine?” Mingyu groaned out, repeating his previous actions of nudging at his friend’s side with a sharp elbow. “Come on, you’ve got to have something better to say than that.” 

“What?” Josh raised his hands in defense as he explained. “I don’t know what kind of things are trendy these days or what kind of words are used to describe fashion...” 

“You could at least try and dig for a better compliment.” Mingyu urged him onwards, earning nothing but an eager nod from Jeonghan who blinked expectantly at him. 

Joshua’s eyes flickered downwards, scanning over the table in a moment of distraction as he took time to think. “Uh…I think you look…really beautiful….er, handsome?” Vernon almost caught himself in a laugh as he noticed how Joshua’s fingers restlessly fidgeted around, despite his attempts to hide them under the table. 

All three of the boys smiled smugly at their friend as Mingyu brought Joshua into an affectionate headlock. “Aw, look at this cutie!” He practically cooed out, ruffling all the hairs on Joshua’s head to the point of them being all messed up without much protest from Josh. If anything, maybe Joshua was just content with being able to hide his reddening his face in Mingyu’s shirt. 

“Anyways…” Jeonghan changed the subject, still smiling a bit to himself as he distracted himself by stirring at his drink. “I think you two better prepare for this Friday’s meeting. I might have overheard that Seungcheol is gonna bring some special guest.” 

“Hm?” Vernon’s eyebrow quirked up. “What kind of special guest?” 

“Listen, Vernon.” Mingyu, who had somehow finally released Joshua, leaned his elbows on the table as he scooted closer to their side of the table. “Seungcheol is easily the most fucking chill guy that I’ve ever met in my whole life. I swear, he might even be one of the most popular seniors on campus. He’s got all these hidden connections and opportunities. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was some real celebrity.” 

“Remember how we’re able to use the sound booth?” Jeonghan continued on, “It’s because his good friend Ji-” 

“Aw, fuck. It’s just Jihoon as the special guest?” Mingyu whined out, throwing his head back with a dramatic sigh. “How is that some kind of treat when I gotta see him all the time?” 

Vernon wasn’t sure if Jeonghan was purposely ignoring Mingyu or not as the smaller male turned to explain only to him. “One of Seungcheol’s best friends, his name is Lee Jihoon, happens to be the son of our university’s president. He’s really talented at producing music for all of the organizations on campus, plus because he’s the head of the school’s son he can use all that equipment for his own personal music as well.” 

“Yeah, so because he’s a total teacher’s pet, he gets special privileges!” Mingyu interjected passionately.

Joshua shook his head. “I don’t think that applies here.” 

“Anyways…” Jeonghan continued on despite all of the interruptions, letting a soft sigh pass through his lips. “The two of them are pretty close friends, so I think that’s why Jihoon is allowing you guys to use his studio space in order to work on your….uh, whatever kind of thing you’re doing.” 

“But here’s the real thing you gotta know,” Mingyu leaned forward towards Vernon, keeping his voice down low so he could inform him about some secret. “Jihoon is mad picky. He gets frustrated at the smallest things. I’m pretty sure he absolutely hates me because last time he just kind of picked up all of his things and left the studio for an hour...or maybe more? I dunno because after one hour I just kind of got tired of waiting there by myself and left?” 

Vernon watched as Mingyu’s eyebrows furrowed together in an attempt to figure things out, causing himself to let out an amused laugh as the male still struggled to understand. “So you’re saying he’s high maintenance or something like that? Or he’s actually a professional who doesn’t tolerate any fooling around from you.” 

“Yeah, you could say that.” Mingyu answered with an honest nod. “Either way, you’d better actually practice something at least. Even if you’re a halfer and you can use the excuse of being bad at Korean if you stumble with your rapping, I doubt even he would tolerate that as an excuse.” 

“He sounds kind of...intense.” Vernon admitted as he let out a bit of an awkward laugh, leaning in to take a long sip of his finally cooled down coffee. “With all of the things you’ve just told me, I’m not sure if I’m too excited to meet him after all.” 

“Oh, Jihoon isn’t that bad. I mean, yeah, he’s a bit uptight when it comes to his standards of music but other than that, there’s nothing to be worried about.” Jeonghan insisted, leaning back comfortably in the booth as he grinned over at Mingyu. “This kid has all the reasons in the world to be afraid though. Apparently when he’s filled with energy and bouncing off the walls it ruins Jihoon’s ‘creative process’”Joshua and Vernon chuckled quietly to themselves as Jeonghan made little air quotes. 

Mingyu groaned out against the palm of his hand that his head was propped up against. “Either way, I’m totally paranoid about what kind of song I should practice. I keep flipping through my playlist and I can’t seem to find a single good option.” 

“I wonder what I should practice too…” Vernon began to think to himself, pausing as his brain attempted to think of a perfect song selection off the top of his head. For some reason, when he had to think of it on the spot, nothing seemed to come to mind. Picking just one song to judge his entire potential on in front of one of his seniors was kind of a big decision. 

Of course, there would be no one better to consult than Seungkwan.


	7. acknowledging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vernon gets teased a lot by seungkwan, relies on his close friends for an important moment self discovery, and the hiphop team are offered an opportunity of a lifetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3.29.17  
> i'm posting this one day early because i'm spending the weekend with my friends for a mini vacation and maaaaybe the weekend can start on thursday for me? anyways, i really liked writing this chapter so i hope you can all enjoy it too. and thank you for all of the sweet comments so far! i appreciate it so much and i'm really bad at replying to things other than "omg thank you!!" but for real it makes me so happy and i'm thankful. 
> 
> like always, find me at @citruseungkwan.tumblr.com if you wanna talk about seungkwan with me : ))

Despite having a packed schedule of practices in preparation for the upcoming musical, sometimes on the slower days Seungkwan would invite Vernon to tag along when they got an occasional lunch break. Similarly to like how they did in America, the performing arts kids all tended to stick together and go to places in groups. When the big group of performers went out to eat together, Vernon sometimes snuck into the crowd unnoticed. 

It’s the merging of winter and spring and it’s becoming more bearable to spend time outside. The theatre kids need some time away from practicing in stuffy auditoriums so it’s also becoming more acceptable to find themselves eating at a cold noodle restaurant. Because it’s finally almost the right season and after a long winter of not being able to eat delicious naengmyeon, they boys kind of go crazy over it. 

Vernon isn’t too used to eating the long and stringy noodles without getting them stuck down his throat. He catches himself occasionally forgetting to chew them all the way, having to swallow rapidly in order to prevent himself from choking. The action is kind of awkward and he worries about any of the new students noticing him, but it seems like only Seungkwan picks up on it. 

“Hey, how old are you really?” Seungkwan leans a bit closer so only Vernon can hear, a playfully mocking grin on his face as he asks his roommate. “I thought only little kids can’t chew their noodles properly.” 

“It’s just so long and sticky....” Vernon’s nose crinkled up slightly in his defense, trying to pull a never ending noodle out of his bowl with chopsticks and failing to untangle it from the rest. “...it’s so tasty but is it really worth all the hard work?” 

“I swear, even though we’re only like one month apart there is such an age gap between us.” The auburn haired male clicked his tongue amusedly, yet reached out for the pair of scissors in order to start cutting Vernon’s noodles to an even shorter length than they already were. “This is the same way that someone would prepare a toddler’s food. How cute.” 

Vernon’s eyebrow cocked upwards in challenging as he leaned closer to Seungkwan, keeping his voice low enough not to distract the other students. “Boo Seungkwan, are you trying to imply that I am a baby?” 

Seungkwan could only inch closer, almost to the point that his nose bumped against Vernon’s own. “Chwe Hansol, if I am your boo, then I guess you’re my baby too?” 

Vernon blinked back at Seungkwan almost like a deer caught in the headlights, the implication behind the other’s words making him suddenly realize how close their faces actually were together. He felt his whole spine tense up. As his own eyes met Seungkwan’s own in a second of realization, he wasn’t sure if those rich brown irises caused him to start melting or maybe it was the burning heat flaming from his cheeks. 

So distracted in his own little world accompanied by Seungkwan, he completely forgot that they were currently in the middle of dinner with multiple other students. Especially students that he didn’t know. And that if suddenly attention was brought to the position that he was currently in, he’d probably be embarrassed by his own flushed face for the rest of his life. 

“Hey, can you help me with something later?” Vernon practically burst out, voice level raised much louder than necessary for Seungkwan to hear since the other was practically right in front of his face. As Vernon unskillfully sputtered out the question, he purposely flicked his fringe into the line of his eyesight, using the messy locks to hide behind. 

“Yeah, sure?” Seungkwan responded back a bit skeptically, definitely as more of a question than a definite answer. His eyes blinked up innocently at Vernon as he tried to figure out where the unexpected change in behavior came from. “Help with what in particular though?” 

Vernon was still quite flustered from before, having to swallow a lump in his throat in order to clear his voice. He didn’t want to have another voice crack. “Uh...with the hip hop project I’m doing with all the guys. I mean, I know that you can’t really rap either but you’re into music so maybe you could give me some pointers.” 

“You think I can’t rap?” Seungkwan focused in on that part of his statement, another lively smile forming on his features. “I may be particularly talented in singing but for sure I am very capable in other musical genres as well! I guarantee you that even in rapping, I can somewhat challenge you.” 

“Somewhat.” Vernon repeated after him, fussing around with his own bangs as he bit back his own smile. 

Seungkwan almost rolled his eyes around, but resisted the urge. “Whatever, you know what I mean.” 

Shortly later they made their way back to campus, following the rest of the group to the auditorium. Vernon didn’t consider himself part of the ‘in crowd’ of the performing arts students, but he knew Soonyoung and Seokmin, and Seungkwan too of course. Even compared to the other students, their little trio still seemed to be the loudest of them all. That took away most of Vernon’s worries about standing out in the group because most of the attention was focused on them instead. 

As they continued into the auditorium and some of the students practiced reciting their lines or maneuvering heavy set pieces around, Vernon walked around the stage aimlessly. A bit out of place, but not uncomfortably so, he pushed his hands into his jean pockets and just watched the people around him to pass the time. Seungkwan had to finish some work up first before they could leave anyways. It wasn’t just any day that his roommate would allow him to enter in on some of this private rehearsal time, so just for a few minutes it was interesting to see the kind life Seungkwan lived when they were out of their shared dorm room. 

Suddenly, someone kneed him in the backside. He knew that was probably no one other than his aforementioned roommate. He spun around to greet him with a toothy grin, in which Seungkwan simply took a hold on his arm and started leading him somewhere without a single word. Without questioning, Vernon just followed. Sometimes it was just easier to let Seungkwan go off on whatever idea sparked into his imagination and roll with it. 

Before he could realize where exactly he was being led to, the two of them ended up somewhere high above the actual stage set, up on a small balcony that was probably only reserved for the set construction crew to position props off of. Seungkwan released the leading grip that he had around Vernon’s wrist, moving to take a seat on the ground. Perhaps from below, maybe people would only be able to see a little bit of his hair from down there. Other than that, the two of them were almost completely hidden. 

“Woah, this is kind of…high.” Vernon mumbled out as he peered over the railing and took a look at the people down below. It must have been almost four or five stories below them. Just the height alone made his stomach feel kind of anxious as his fingers slipped from his tight grip on the railing to move next to Seungkwan as well. 

Seungkwan let out a soft chuckle, shoulders shrugging up as he scooted over slightly to make space for his roommate. “Yeah, but that’s kinda the point. It can get kind of loud down there so sometimes I come up here to escape and actually hear myself.” 

“So this is like your secret place?” Vernon found the new information interesting, turning to glance at Seungkwan who nodded energetically to himself. 

“I guess you could say that. But hey, if you let anyone know I will know that you’re the only one who did it so I will come back and find you. Then maybe I’ll throw you off the balcony too.” Seungkwan glanced back at him, raising a hand up to part Vernon’s overly long bangs down the center with a playful laugh. “I swear to god, if you don’t cut these bangs soon you’re going to go cross eyed under there.” 

As Seungkwan exposed his face fully, Vernon found himself naturally drawing back a little. Self conscious tendencies always snuck up on him. His fingers almost instantly found themselves picking at his own hair again though, flattening out some of the long strands of light brown hair or pushing others back under his hat . “I’ll cut it soon. I liked it like this but maybe it is getting too long.” 

Seungkwan kept his gaze locked onto him as he smiled slowly to himself. “You do that a lot.” 

“Do….what?”   
“Always messing with your hair like that.” The older male noticed, finding himself a bit interested now that he had picked up on that. “Are you secretly shy of your looks or something?”

Vernon simply scoffed. Despite not really believing what his roommate was saying, his fingers naturally moved to pull at the bangs to cover over his forehead completely. “Nah, I’m pretty content with my looks. Girls in high school thought I was attractive enough to date. I guess it’s just an involuntary habit or something like that.” 

“Still, it’s not such a good idea to always touch at your hair like that. Your face is gonna get all greasy from all the germs on your hands.” Seungkwan warned him lightly, frowning a bit as he noticed Vernon’s hands still messing away with his hair. “Hey, what did I just tell you- you’re gonna get pimples!” 

Vernon let out a breathy laugh, trying to force his hands away for good as they settled firmly on his lap. “I know, I know. But it’s some sort of bad habit that’s not easy to suddenly stop with.” 

“Oh! I have an idea then!” Seungkwan chirped up, raising one finger. “Do you know how when people quit smoking they sometimes have to chew gum or candies to imitate the sensation?” 

“Uh, yeah?” 

“So, we can come up with another option for you. To stimulate that type of feeling.” The older male decided and took a long moment of thought, pausing in unison with Vernon who had tried to do the same thing. After a few seconds of slightly pouted lips in thought, Seungkwan let out an almost quiet gasp. “Ah, I got it!” 

Vernon stared blankly as Seungkwan’s more tan colored hand slid over to his lap, warm skin contacting with the sensitive skin of his palm as Seungkwan’s fingers intertwined with his own. Vernon’s lips slightly parted open in surprise, yet no noise escaped past his lips as he gazed down dazedly at their two hands that had become a pair. As Seungkwan’s slightly smaller hand heated up flush against his own, Vernon had only realized the differences between their skin colors a time like this. Before he could process himself doing so, his thumb moved over the male’s tawny skin, a bit mesmerized at how he didn’t notice the contrast between them ever before. 

“What do you think?” Seungkwan interrupted him from his reverie, peering over at Vernon with a triumphant expression on his face because of his good idea. If anything, Vernon thought he looked a bit too happy at coming up with such an easy solution to break his bad habit. “The next time that you want to start picking at your hair again, you can just grab someone’s hand! How easy is that?” 

It took Vernon a moment to gather himself back to reality, to tear his gaze away from their touch, but in due time he found himself nodding along with Seungkwan. A slightly awkward but small smile formed on his features, an attempt to conceal whatever confusing thoughts were currently swirling away in his brain. Now all he needed was a perfect distraction to change the subject onto something else that would captivate Seungkwan’s attention to anything other than their entwined hands. “Yeah, it’s a good idea.” Vernon mumbled out, pausing to clear his throat with a quick cough, eyes glancing everywhere else other than Seungkwan. “Now, about my song choice for the next upcoming meeting... I was wondering if you could listen to what I have in mind and maybe tell me if you think my voice is suited for it.” 

“Yeah, go ahead!” 

And with that, Vernon had found his distraction for today. It seemed like the talk about musical compositions and the tone of his own personal voice were enough to spark Seungkwan’s interest off of the previous topic completely, but Vernon wasn’t so lucky. It was just another day for him. He knew how to come up with diversions, interruptions, or various other preoccupations for his mind to trail off with during those times when Seungkwan just came a little too close into his personal space. To tread over that invisible line that always seemed to be wavering between them. The line that had formed for Vernon back in America based of what he knew from years of being surrounded by his peers, and how it ruled his life and validated his every single action. That same little invisible line that was attempting to reconstruct itself in Korea, to form to a whole new set of personal values that Vernon continues to undergo in his process of self discovery. 

Seungkwan would be the one to dance over that line next. He’d been playing with it and trying to stretch it to see where it would end. Even if he hadn’t been doing it deliberately, Vernon had surely noticed. And in the end, Vernon would find a way to pretend he didn’t see it happening and then they’d be back at square one all over again. 

But lately, it just seemed too exhausting to keep up with. There’s only so much noticing that Vernon could do without finally letting it invade into his thoughts. Forcing himself to start thinking about it directly. Bottled emotions can only be bottled for so long before they eventually have to spill over. 

. . . . . 

A few days later, Vernon already made some plans with Joshua to head over to his own dorm room to work on assignments together. Pretty much everyone in their friend group had learned the number codes to the key pads of their dorm rooms, which gave them the freedom to just stop by unannounced as they wanted. And at times like this, Vernon could just walk into Joshua’s room and join him studying without disrupting the other male and making him get up from the bed. Today was a bit different though. As Vernon made his way into the room, he was unexpectedly greeted by not only Joshua, but Jeonghan as well. 

“Oh, Jeonghan’s here?” Vernon questioned out in English as he moved to kick off his shoes at the entrance, leaning against the wall a bit clumsily. “Eh, I should have expected it. You guys are always together these days.” 

Joshua just smiled and glanced over at Jeonghan, who was sprawled out on his stomach across Josh’s bed, a small pile of comic books surrounding him as he currently flipped through the pages. “Who would have thought Jeonghan is into manga like I am? The same kind of books that you call ‘nerdy’ and refuse to try to read.” Joshua responded back amusedly from where he sat next to the reading boy, putting his own book aside for the moment. “Guess we should actually focus on homework now, huh?” 

Vernon took a hesitant seat next to Jeonghan on the bed, trying not to shift him around too much as he tried to take a look over his shoulder. He squinted his eyes to try and make out what some of the action scenes were trying to show, but he couldn’t quite understand what was going on. “Uh, anyways…” Shaking his head, he glanced back over to Joshua. “If you two share some secret bond over these nerd comics and end up liking each other much more than you like me, try not to least ignore me too much.” 

“Oh, shush. We’d never do that.” Jeonghan peeked over his shoulder with a grin, allowing himself to wink at Vernon. “And besides, if anyone is intending to do some ignoring, wouldn’t that be you?” 

Vernon’s nose crinkled up slightly at Jeonghan’s comment in confusion, brows furrowing together. “What? I’m ignoring somebody?” 

“I mean, yeah. Well, kinda. You’ve been barely active on our groupchat all week. You just read all of the posts without commenting. It’s kind of creepy?” Jeonghan questioned out primarily to himself but Joshua nodded eagerly in response, earning a breathy laugh to escape past Jeonghan’s lips. “It’s unlike you, though. Is everything alright?” 

As Jeonghan’s tone grew more serious with concern, Vernon felt a little bad about causing his friends to worry. His fingers reached up to scratch at the back of his head anxiously. “Oh, uh, yeah… I guess I was kind of preoccupied with things so I didn’t respond much.” Vernon admitted with a small chuckle, slightly feeling embarrassed that they noticed his behavior over the past week. They definitely weren’t wrong in picking up on it. Vernon was being a little distant over the past few days. 

It wasn’t that he was doing it on purpose. He didn’t want to be stuck in his thoughts over analyzing every small touch that Seungkwan participated in, or trying to find hidden meaning behind countless other words Seungkwan’s ever said to him before. He wasn’t even sure what he was looking for in the first place. Maybe validation that the moments shared between the two of them were perfectly normal behaviors between guys? Or maybe it was just new to him because maybe Seungkwan was becoming his best friend and he never really had one before? Either way, all of these new affectionate feelings weren’t something he was used to. They weighed on his mind heavily and interrupted his day constantly, therefore distracting him from his school work and rap practice and making him lose progress in everything this week. 

Before he could even realize it, a sigh had escaped and there was no way he could stop himself from taking it back. That was exactly what he didn’t want. He didn’t even know what he was thinking, so there was no way he could explain it to someone else either. In an attempt to try and convince his friends otherwise though, he let out a strangled laugh, allowing his hands to slip into the oversized pocket in front of his baggy sweatshirt with a shrug. “Heh, you know, just preoccupied with classes and stuff. College is getting busy.” 

Joshua and Jeonghan exchanged a long knowing glance at each other. They knew better than falling for a lame excuse such as that. Jeonghan closed the book that he had previously been reading through, pushing it aside as he sat up properly to get a good look at Vernon. “You can talk all you want about assignments or whatever, but you can’t fool me. It seems like something else is weighing on your mind.” Jeonghan moved closer to him as his arms wrapped around Vernon’s shoulders supportively and pulled him into his own body. “You can confide in me. I already told you about my bullshit recently so I can return the favor.” 

Vernon settled against Jeonghan’s chest, blinking to himself slowly as his cheeks grew red hot again. He had been caught after all. There was only the slim chance his excuse would work but now with Joshua’s big brown eyes staring at him knowingly and Jeonghan practically trapping him in his arms there was no running away from it now. He dreaded it, but some truth had to come out. 

Finding the words was difficult enough. Vernon could only let his eyelids slip shut in concentration, lips pushed together stressfully as teeth nibbled down. He wasn’t sure if his pride was getting the best of him or if he really was too lost in thinking to even explain himself. The words just wouldn’t come. 

“Come on, Vernon. I told you one of my worse moments and you still accepted me without even a second to judge.” Jeonghan reassured him calmly, the arms that wrapped around Vernon’s shoulders tightened ever so softly. The physical contact wasn’t a problem for Vernon at all. Which made things worse for him mentally. It only seemed to make him feel certain ways if a certain special someone did it.

“God damn it, what the fuck is wrong with me?” Vernon groaned out frustratedly all of the sudden, sending a hand through his hair to push the hair back out of his face. “I swear to god, I can’t get my thoughts together at all?” 

“Hey, you don’t have to force yourself to explain everything.” Joshua scooted closer to his other side, placing a his palm on Vernon’s knee supportively. “Just take it slow. Start from the beginning. What is this about?”   
“I don’t even fucking know? I’m just bothered all the time lately!” Vernon practically exploded with emotion, not even sure if he was angry about it or sad or thousands of other emotions in between. His lips just opened and spewed every single thought out all at once, like projectile word vomit. “I can’t stop overthinking about every single god damn feeling I get around Seungkwan because I must be paranoid or something. Why is he so nice to me? Why did he grow closer to me unlike anyone I’ve ever met in my life before? And why, why the fuck why, do I let him lay his head on my shoulder and I just sit and stare at his fucking eyelashes? Like who the fuck does that? And I just watch him while he watches the movie but I keep my eyes on him and those stupid long ass eyelashes blinking and it just looks so fucking interesting and makes me feel all peaceful and-” 

Before he could even finish his ramble of a sentence he ran out of breath to do so. The rapid release of all his thoughts and words at once making his chest rise up and down tiredly just from revealing them all aloud. His face was hot in a mix of shame and passion all at the same time. Two hands raised to rub at his face anxiously, an attempt to cool himself down a bit but to also block himself from watching his friends react to his confession. 

Silence filled the air for what felt like eternity for Vernon, but Joshua was the first to speak up. “So your problem is related to how things have been going on with you and Seungkwan.” Joshua repeated out loud again, nodding slowly to himself as he started to come to terms with the information. “And you said it’s because how close he’s been with you?” 

“Yeah.” Vernon let out a long shaky sigh, starting to realize in his head at how stupid he must have sounded moments before. “I mean, it’s pretty obvious that Seungkwan and I are close. But...are we too close?” 

Joshua paused momentarily and Vernon could see how he was going through a thought process just by the look on his face. “I can’t exactly be the judge of what is too close or not too close because personal comfort levels differ greatly between every single person. Take me and Jeonghan for example. He’s very openly affectionate with everybody because he’s into that much more than I am. I prefer to keep my affection limited to specific people in private settings.” 

Jeonghan hummed in agreement, rubbing at Vernon’s shoulder soothingly. “Are you worried that you might be too close with Seungkwan because of the physical aspect? I know that skinship is different in each of our countries so I’m sure it could get a lot of taking used to. If Seungkwan is moving too close to you and you’re not ready for it, I’m sure he’d understand your feelings.” 

“No, I don’t think that’s it.” Vernon restlessly smoothed his hair back yet again, not caring if he’s mess it up for later. “I’m just, fucked up?” 

“Fucked up?” Joshua repeated.

“I don’t think you’re fucked up.” Jeonghan assured him.  
“You guys didn’t even hear my reasoning yet. I just feel fucked up because well, I’m not used to it. I’ve never had a person in my life that cared enough about me to the point of a best friend before.” Vernon admitted slightly embarrassed, trying to point away from his shyness with a shrug to his shoulders. “All of the affection and tender ass moments are driving me crazy. I mean, it feels good to be cared about and to actually have someone I can finally call a best friend but, why am I getting so worked up about it? Am I so used to being devoid of people actually giving a shit about me that it’s overwhelming me?” 

“No, I wouldn’t say that. From what you’ve told me and from what I’ve noticed myself from your pictures online, you were kind of popular right? I feel like once you’re always surrounded in a big friend group like that, it’s hard to find just one person that you grow really close with. Sometimes people get so focused on adding more and more people to their circle that they miss out on one really important bond with one person.” Jeonghan mentioned, most likely speaking from experience since currently he was one of the most popular seniors on campus. In the eyes of both the female and male students too. “I can understand that maybe you’re not used to that kind of attention.” 

“But I think it’s something deeper than that.” Joshua spoke up next, not waiting for Vernon to reply to Jeonghan’s comment at all as he continued on. “We’ve already had a particularly important conversation in the library a few weeks ago that addressed the fact that you may have some issues with accepting non traditional concepts of masculinity into your life. That whole jock mindset talk we had, remember?” 

“Ah, yeah. I remember it.” 

“Well, before you get too ahead with yourself and freak out at what I’m going to say next, just let me explain myself fully first.” Joshua started off, making Vernon expectantly swallow deeply in nervous tension and Jeonghan tighten his hold around him. “Okay, so Vernon, you and Seungkwan are at a place where you’re closer than ever. When people are comfortable around each other they tend to rely on each other more, whether it be in times of emotional comfort or physical.” Joshua was a patient explainer at all times, waiting for the two of them to nod in understanding before continuing on. “If you say Seungkwan is your best friend, then that means you’re accepting of him in generally every single aspect. Is that right?” 

Vernon’s eyes squinted slightly in confusion, unable to figure out what was the catch to Joshua’s question. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. What’s the part I’m supposed to freak out at though?” 

“Seungkwan is not straight. And you say that these days, things are starting to get more physical and touchy between the two of you, so forgive me if this is shocking, but maybe deep down you’re questioning if he has feelings for you simply based on his orientation?” Joshua played around with the question, still not believing if it was the direct link behind Vernon’s inability to find comfort around his roommate these days. “You know, it might be another part of your hyper masculinity complex that you haven’t thought about yet.” 

Jeonghan firmly shook his head. “Nah, I can see what you’re getting at but I think that’s not the case here. I’m sure that is the case for a lot of other guys, but that’s not addressing the whole problem. Joshua, you’re not exactly straight either and he doesn’t have any paranoid thoughts about you liking him. Also I’ve dated pretty much every type of person that exists on the planet, including guys, so he’s not getting all worked up about my arms around him right now.” Jeonghan noted after taking a good look at Vernon’s body language and expression, slightly pouting out his lower lip as he questioned Vernon. “My supposedly ‘gay’ touches don’t seem to bother you in the slightest, right?” 

 

Vernon just exhaled deeply, shaking his head from side to side in denial. “No, they don’t bother me at all. Not from Joshua either. I don’t even...think of it that way.” He mumbled under his breath, staring as his lap as he watched his fingers absentmindedly pick at the skin. “It’s just a touch. It’s not like my brain screams ‘a gay guy is touching me’ or anything homophobic like that. My brain doesn’t even register that it’s from a guy or if it’s a problem or something. It only focuses on…” 

“The feeling.” Joshua answered for him, letting out a calm sigh as he smiled knowingly over at Vernon. “I get it. When you’re in the moment and actually touching someone, the gender doesn’t seem to make a difference. Your mind doesn’t point out the fact that the person happens to be another boy, huh? You just focus on whether you like the feeling or touching that person or not, and the feeling that they leave you with.” 

After Vernon silently agreed with a small nod, Jeonghan’s arms tightened around his worried friend. Soothingly, he allowed Vernon’s body to rock slowly back and forth in his arms, trying to rest some of his concerns down for the moment. “Hm, so I think what you’re trying to get at is that something about the way Seungkwan touches you is bothering you. And if it’s not about the problem of your masculinity being challenged, or the fact that you’re unsure about opening up to a new best friend, there are a few other options to think about.” Jeonghan kept his voice low and reassuring, a serene smile on his face as he locked eyes with Vernon. “Have you thought that maybe you like being physical with Seungkwan? Maybe in a way that you’re not used to feeling with any other male friend you’ve had before?” 

“Maybe.” Vernon answered, his voice coming out much smaller and unsure than before. He found himself unable to stay in Jeonghan’s line of sight for too long, using practically any object in Joshua’ tiny bedroom to distract him away from the sincerity in his eyes. 

“Then allow yourself to like it. There’s no harm in it.” Joshua said resolutely. “If deep down, you realize that you really do enjoy those intimate moments with Seungkwan, then you like it. There’s nothing wrong for following your feelings. You don’t have to force yourself to follow some particular standard of labels or follow what’s expected of other guys you know. Just like what you like.” 

Vernon’s lips parted, unsure of how to reply because he still felt so uncomfortable in his own skin. He knew Joshua and Jeonghan were trusted friends that would never judge him, but he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to let down his walls completely in front of them. His lips opened to speak yet again, but closed two more times. Instead he let his shoulders shrug up and down and do the talking for himself. 

“Just follow your heart. Literally and metaphorically.” Jeonghan offered him the next piece of advice, lightly patting Vernon’s chest over the aforementioned area. “There’s no need to rush anything. Feel what you feel and let things happen naturally. No force, no pressure. Just feel.” 

“But…” Vernon’s eyes swelled up with hot emotion as his thoughts could only lead to one answer behind his problems, rapidly starting to blink back stubborn tears that refused to fall. “What if my heart wants something that I don’t?” His voice questioned out with uncertainty, the words strained and croaked out as he found himself breaking down in the other male’s arms. 

All three of them were silent for a moment other than a long sigh from Joshua. Jeonghan just allowed himself to pull the confused and distressed Vernon into his arms completely, muffling the boy’s face into the material of his shirt. Soothingly his fingers moved throughout the dark brown locks of Vernon’s hair, patting his head softly as he let out a breathy sigh of his own. “The heart always knows what it wants, even if you don’t accept it yet.” 

 

. . . . . 

 

The next time the boys all gathered in the university’s studio was quite different. Mingyu was currently showing Wonwoo some video about a cat on his phone, apparently getting an early start to dinner as he shoved a large handful of chips into his mouth. Vernon was next to them on the couch, leaning over Mingyu’s shoulder occasionally to get a peek at the video and let out an amused laugh every so often. Seungcheol was supervising them from one of the fancy office chairs, his eyes carefully scrutinising Mingyu’s greasy chip fingers every time they moved to wipe themselves on the leather couch. 

A few times, Seungcheol uncharacteristically had to speak up and warn Mingyu when he came too close to wiping his fingers on the fabric or if any crumbs accumulated on the floor. Clearly, the usually relaxed and carefree male was quite on edge today. Vernon had noticed almost instantly from when he entered the room and saw the elder sitting straight up in his seat, fingertips tracing slightly anxious patterns on the armrests. Seungcheol didn’t normally act like this, nor did he usually yell at Mingyu for making a little bit of a mess. 

“Calm down, scoups.” Wonwoo glanced over at him warningly after hearing him raise his voice a little louder than necessary at Mingyu. “It’s just Jihoon coming. If anything, you’re the one who knows him best out of all of us so you should be able to talk him into a good mood today.” 

“Even if he’s my best friend that doesn’t mean-” Seungcheol started to speak in order to defend himself, yet with the sound of the door unclicking and someone entering, his lips just kind of hung open as he was unable to finish his sentence. In a split second he was up from his chair. Mingyu swiftly threw his chips into his bag with one motion. Wonwoo actually made an effort to sit up straight from his slouched position and folded his hands carefully across his lap. 

Vernon’s eyes flickered away from all of his friends in curiousity, focusing his attention to the new face that walked into the room. A single eyebrow raised upwards in suspicion as a young looking male made his way towards them, dressed in a light blue oversized sweatshirt that contrasted against his pastel pink locks of hair. For being rumoured as a talented music producing prodigy, with skills surely almost at the level of professional, Vernon had pictured something completely different than the youthful looking boy in front of him. He had been expecting, well, someone a lot more intimidating? Not someone who wore pretty light colors with khaki shorts and converse. 

“Hey, Jihoon!” Seungcheol greeted out cheerfully, disguising his previous tenseness with one of his signature warm smiles that had enough affection to reach his eyes. His arms opened wide for a hug in the direction of the shorter male, in which Jihoon simply smirked back but choose to give him a high-five in passing instead. Mingyu audibly gasped at the denial of Seungcheol’s hug, but quickly closed his parted lips as Jihoon took a seat in front of his sound station. 

“I have to make this short because I have another meeting across town to attend to…” The recently acquainted male had his head tipped to the side, eyes on the screen of his computer as he worked on logging into the program. As a suffocating silence set in, the only noise that could be heard was the sound of Jihoon’s fingertips typing away. Vernon confusedly stole glances at all of his own personal friends, looking to them for help in how to react. It wasn’t like he expected to meet someone new and then have them turn away from him silently. Mingyu shrugged his shoulders off in disinterest and Wonwoo continued to stare at the male’s back with his brows furrowed until Seungcheol took the initiative to break the silence. 

“I know, I won’t keep you here too long.” Seungcheol chuckled out as he made his way next to Jihoon, bending down beside him in order to take a look at the computer screen. “Just show them the song and I’ll deal with delivering all of the instructions.” 

Jihoon nodded without a word as he brought up some sound editing software up on the screen, various lines of colored sound loops illuminating across the program. Mingyu let out a hum of interest, eyes lighting up with excitement as he attempted to make sense of what he was seeing. “Oh, is this a new song? It looks pretty much completed!” 

“Yup, you’re correct about that. The beats are all rearranged and can be compressed into one single audio file at this point. As for completion, well, it’s all complete except for the vocals.” Jihoon added as he smiled smugly over his shoulder at Seungcheol. “You wanna tell them the news or do you want me to do it?” 

Seungcheol rubbed at the back of his neck, biting back his own excited smile as his eyes met the ground. “Well, it’s your song after all... I wouldn’t wanna take credit for all your hard work.” 

Jihoon clicked his tongue, shaking his head as he spun around in his chair to face the rest of them. Despite the smile, or rather smirk, on the male’s features, Vernon felt Mingyu physically tense up beside him. He wasn’t sure why, but he suppressed the urge to gulp as well. 

“Well, to keep things short, I’ve had this song in my archives for quite awhile now. It’s already been finished but for some reason I think it’s still lacking something so I’ve been putting off writing lyrics for it.” Jihoon allowed his head to tip to the side in thought, lightly biting down on his lower lip as he struggled to explain it. “It’s not a bad song or anything like that, it’s just… missing that special. I don’t think I could record anything that could save it from sounding lacking with just my own voice.” 

Seungcheol let out a breathy laugh, allowing his arms to cross over the expanse of his broad chest as he leaned back against the table. “As much as I think that’s not true, me and Woozi have thought up some possible options about how to deal with the song. I think we’ve finally settled on a good idea after taking everything into consideration about the plans we have for our group.” 

Without saying a word, Vernon, Mingyu, and Wonwoo all leaned forward in anticipation of what they would be able to hear next. 

“I’m giving the song to you.” Jihoon revealed without a second thought. “Take the song and play around with it. Write your own verses, decide on your own parts and then I’ll help out with the recording audio part. I even have some ideas for the chorus already so I’ll be lending my voice there.” 

To everyone other than Seungcheol and Jihoon, the news came as a complete and utter surprise. And a shock. Vernon physically felt his heartbeat stop as the realization hit him. They had been given a physical song to record on. Completely free of charge, no strings attached. It was an absolutely priceless opportunity that talented people all over the world were begging for. Yet somehow, it had ended up in the laps of a group of college guys who didn’t even know what they were doing. Vernon’s heart started racing again with fiery ambition. This was his chance to redeem himself. A shot towards the previous success he had lost when his career of being a promising high school athlete had failed. 

 

He only realized that his mouth had been open in shock when he noticed his throat feeling slightly dry, the need to swallow down his awe finally aware to him. This opportunity almost seemed too good to be true. Hesitantly his eyes moved to guage Mingyu and Wonwoo’s own reactions. He expected some characteristically goofy expression on Mingyu’s features, maybe some amused but lazy grin on Wonwoo’s own, but that was nowhere to be found. If anything, he found something completely new within his good friends’ eyes that hadn’t been there ever before. They were just as greedy for this as Vernon was. Anticipating, yearning, and longing to redefine themselves with this chance.

“Alright, I’m guessing from the pleasantly surprised actions that you’re all feeling quite thankful and blessed to receive a song from me and I’d like to say you’re welcome. If you intend to fuck around and don’t provide me with quality work towards the song though, I reserve the right to take it back at any time though.” Jihoon noted in a completely non-joking manner, yet he smiled to the point where his eyes crinkled up into little half moon shapes. It was like this whole process of giving his song to some newbies was quite entertaining for him, despite completely nerve wracking for those who had to put in the actual work. “I suppose you’d like to hear it now, right?” 

Without anything more than a couple of eager nods and shuffles in their seats, Jihoon pressed play and within seconds his self-composed track started to resonate through the room filled with speakers. As the beats started to rise up through some light techno synth and a slow building bass, Vernon physically held his breath. Whether he knew it now or not, these particular notes could be the start of everything for him. As all of the males lingered on the edges of their seats, attention completely focused onto the small changes of keys and building harmonies, there was a sense of something bigger than themselves surfacing into reality.

In the times of youth, defining moments often tend to slip past one’s fingers before they can even acknowledge the fleeting of the moment. They’re long gone before they’re missed. But Vernon already knew that the burning passion in his heart at this particular moment was something he’d miss forever.


	8. depending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an attempt of contact is made, vernon gets rewarded for his hard work, and seungkwan goes under a period of reflection.

Vernon wasn’t a lyricist. He was pretty sure he wasn’t exactly a good writer either. Whether it came to composing his thoughts in English or Korean, his grades weren’t always the best in either of those subjects. That made attempting to write a few verses of lyrics in preparation for recording Jihoon’s song quite difficult. Unlike Seungcheol or Wonwoo who seemed to spout out lyrics magically from their minds, Vernon and Mingyu were definitely put at a disadvantage here. 

Currently Vernon was struggling with even beginning to get some words into a blank document. He had been sitting at his desk for nearly an hour now, some of his favorite songs playing through his headphones, yet barely any inspiration seemed to flow from his fingertips and magically appear into words. All of the members of the hip hop group had decided on a basic topic to base their verses around in order to keep their topics relatively similar. It wouldn’t make any sense for them to be rapping about four different storylines after all. Yet this particular topic was a struggle for Vernon. 

Dating. 

It wasn’t like Vernon was some complete loser that didn’t understand the how-tos of dating. He actually had quite a few experiences. In high school there were some crushes he had experienced, or random hook ups with pretty girls at parties when he was too drunk to really care. He’d been on some one on one dates with girls too, but nothing too romantic or serious. In high school the process of actually dating was kind of strange because even when he was pretty sure someone was his girlfriend, it all seemed too casual and kind of pointless at the end of the relationship. Usually after a month or two, Vernon or the girl he was involved with would find someone more interesting or more attractive and they’d repeat the process of dating other people. With attention spans low, yet hormones high, Vernon certainly did get involved with quite a number of girls in his lifetime. He couldn’t exactly name the number off the top of his head, but it would definitely have to be more than 5 and less than 10. 

Despite being relatively popular and having the ability to get to date quite a number of girls, writing about the process of actually dating was more difficult than it seemed. If he really took a moment to think about the most memorable parts of his romantic life, there actually wasn’t much that stood out as being extremely meaningful. Maybe there was the time that he got to dance with the most attractive girl that he’d been eying all night at someone’s house party. Or maybe kissing his prom date in the school’s football field while still wearing their formal clothes was memorable. Another good time was when he was at his team’s bonfire party and a really cute girl held his hand for the first time. They were all fond memories to look back on, but still pointless to his current life now. The past was the past and all the people he left there were going to stay there. 

His fingertips played around with a random mix of phrases that might sound good if he managed to somehow place them together in the perfect order. The words were all picked from parts of other songs that he liked and maybe if he thought hard enough, he could swap out the words a bit to his own experiences and come up with something personal. Fingers hesitated and hung above the keys uncertainly as Vernon’s teeth bit down on his lower lip in deep concentration, causing the sensitive skin of his lips to grow dry and chapped during the last hour. 

“What’s this?” Seungkwan’s innocent question had caused Vernon to physically jump in his seat, startled as the words in his ear were much closer than he thought. His back pressed against Seungkwan’s chest as the elder approached him from behind, leaning in closer to take a look at the laptop screen that Vernon had been crouched over so intently. “You’re writing something? ‘Oh, she says she loves my rap’?” 

As Seungkwan’s foreign tongue read off the English phrase that Vernon had been debating putting in for the past twenty minutes, Vernon felt the tips of his cheeks starting to burn red with embarrassment as he quickly moved to shut the screen of his laptop. With Seungkwan here to read out the lyrics that he had been so desperately trying to make sound less cheesy and horrible, something about the situation just left him feeling so vulnerable. His current episode of unexpected shyness made him pray that Seungkwan couldn’t understand what he had read outloud. 

Seungkwan blinked a few times, recalling in his mind what he had just read as he translated it over. “Interesting. Who is she and why does she love your rap?” He asked as his head tipped to the side in questioning, peering over Vernon’s shoulder so he could get a look at his expression. “You look flustered, Hansol. Did I accidentally read your diary entry or something?” 

A bit sheepishly Vernon allowed himself to slide off his headphones, shrugging his shoulders as he glanced down at his lap. “Well, there is no she and no one particularly told me that they like my rap other than you and the guys, but I was trying to write some song lyrics and tell a story.” 

Seungkwan let out a hum of understanding, nodding as he allowed his arms to wrap around Vernon’s shoulders. He had been standing while Vernon was still sitting at the desk, which made the position slightly difficult, but he knew how to make himself comfortable by resting his weight on top of his younger roommate. “I’m not a songwriter, just a singer. I can’t really be of much assistance with lyrics but I’m pretty sure that writing from experience is much easier. So maybe you should be writing about another ‘she’ than this made up one.” 

Vernon allowed himself to let out a sigh as he leaned back into his chair, making the position more comfortable for the both of them compared to before. Maybe if he leaned into Seungkwan’s hold enough, the other male wouldn’t be able to see how exposed he felt about having his lyrics read outloud and the red tinge to his cheeks that was still there. “Well, currently there is no...um, she?” Vernon admitted under his breath, hurrying to continue on. “And as for personal experiences, I don’t have many memorable moments so I think the best option is to make up something. If Seungcheol doesn’t think it’s good enough, I’m sure he can come up with something to cover for my part too.” 

“You could always go out and make yourself find that inspiration though.” Seungkwan reminded him, nodding as he placed his head on Vernon’s shoulder. “Instead of waiting for it to come to you, go outside somewhere and force yourself to find that inspiration first!” 

“That doesn’t sound… too promising.” 

Seungkwan noted his stubbornness and decided to roll his eyes dramatically. “Whatever, at least I attempted to help like a perfect roommate should so at least I can say I tried. Can’t say so much for you though.” He teased at the younger boy, biting back his own playful grin that started to show as Vernon simply stared at him wordlessly as he continued on. “Anyways, this week is going to be extremely busy for me. On Friday they’re going to announce the final roles for the spring musical. I’m already pretty certain that I’ll be getting the lead, but I need to work my ass off and suck up to the director and maybe sing a little bit more passionate than usual in order to secure my position.” 

“Well, you’ve been working so hard already though, Seungkwan. After school you’re pretty much always going straight to the theatre to practice. Are you sure it’s still fun when it seems like a chore?” 

Seungkwan simply smiled brilliantly, cocking his head to the side to take a look at Vernon. “It’s my dream. How could something I love so much ever seem like a chore to me?” 

The hopeful look in Seungkwan’s eyes did something to Vernon. It caused his throat to grow dry and take his breath away for a second as he realized exactly how close they were in proximity to each other. It took him much longer than necessary to swallow and find his words. “I dunno, I used to feel the same way about basketball.” Vernon mumbled out in response, tearing his eyes away from his roommate to stare aimlessly at his desk. “Then all of the sudden I realized it wasn’t for me.” 

“Then maybe it wasn’t your real dream then. Just a temporary one?” Seungkwan suggested in a way that was expected not to have any real answer, earning a hum of agreement from Vernon. “Anyways, before you distracted me I was going to say something. Since this week is going to be literal hell week for my schedule, I think tonight is the only night that we can do something together.” 

As Seungkwan’s arms tightened more affectionately around Vernon’s shoulders, his words and actions implying that he wanted to spend some roommate time together made a small smile form on Vernon’s lips. “Well, I’m free tonight. I was supposed to try writing those lyrics but since that’s going nowhere I’d much rather do something with you instead.” Vernon agreed to his idea without any second thought. He knew that with whatever look Seungkwan had in his eyes, there was no excuse that he could possibly come up with. Seungkwan clearly already had plans for tonight. 

“Great! There’s nothing really in particular that I need to do so I thought maybe we could stay in and watch movies? There’s a few that I’ve been wanting to see so maybe we could even make a marathon of it?” Seungkwan questioned as he released Vernon from his hold and made his way over to his own bed, starting to get his laptop prepared for their movie night. It was something they usually did on their Sunday nights. Once all of their homework was completed, they spent the last hours of their relaxing weekend watching movies and eating as many snacks as they wanted. Despite wanting to watch a movie, they usually ended up talking and picking apart their likes and dislikes of the story line, cracking jokes and bickering the whole time. They had fallen into a routine but it was one of the best parts of Vernon’s week. 

They would fall into their regular positions. Vernon would have his back against the wall behind his roommate's bed, his phone in his lap as he distractedly flipped through his apps. Seungkwan would be wrapped up in one of his fuzzy blankets like a little cocoon and end up settling next to him once he focused in on a particular part of the movie. Tonight they settled for another American flick that Seungkwan had interest in, which mean surely he would be scooting up to Vernon’s side as soon as he started questioning him something in English. 

Vernon had seen the particular comedy movie a few times before. It wasn’t like he had to pay too much attention, so he shifted his gaze between the screen to his phone and then to various objects around the room. One of those objects included Seungkwan. From the corner of his vision, he watched as Seungkwan attempted to pronounce a difficult English phrase to himself quiety, amusedly toying around with the foreign syllables with a small grin on his features. It brought a smile to Vernon’s face as well, seeing Seungkwan trying so hard to attempt to connect with his culture in times like this. He was sure Seungkwan wasn’t interested much in American movies before they met, so Vernon considered that must have been trying hard on purpose to impress him or make him feel welcome. 

Time passed more quickly in these moments shared between them. Before Vernon could notice it happening, the pale orange rays of sunset that passed through the window blinds and reflected off the opposite side of the room had slowly dissipated into grey streaks of moonlight. Seungkwan had somehow started another movie without catching his attention. Even though it continued playing, Vernon had no plans of watching tonight. Shoulders started to touch. The blanket that had been warming Seungkwan’s body ended up draped over Vernon’s form as well. Seungkwan was still wrapped up inside, but now he had enveloped Vernon in the warmth as well. 

They were close. Too close. Vernon had realized it when it was too late. They had already ended up pressed up against each other like this. Close contact made him overanalyze about every possible action his body made, or how to regulate the breathing that hitched in his throat every time Seungkwan made the slightest movement. His hands felt slightly clammy and restless in his lap. Mentally and physically having to take a moment to calm himself down, his eyelids slid shut for a second as he let out a deep breath that he wasn’t all too sure he had been holding. Jeonghan’s words resonated within his mind relentlessly. 

He was normal. His body was reacting normal. He just had to listen to what he wanted deep down and accept his feelings. 

Vernon’s eyes had opened yet again, finding themselves drawn to Seungkwan’s side profile. Seungkwan must have had no idea what kind of situation he had put him in. While he was completely immersed in the movie, Vernon was clearly watching something else tonight. His eyes had never really viewed Seungkwan up so close like this before. Curiously, he found himself fixated with the way Seungkwan’s tanned skin looked so smooth to the touch. The way the tip of his nose delicately curved outwards, or the way his plump lips formed a nearly perfect heart shape at the juncture of his cupid’s bow. And then there was also the line of tiny brown birthmarks trailing over his cheek to the expanse of skin leading to his ear, almost artfully placed there to resemble a miniature constellation of stars. 

There were so many details that he had never noticed about Seungkwan before that he had only realized tonight. Under the pale moonlight filtering through their tiny shared bedroom, illuminated by the singular laptop screen, Vernon truly saw Seungkwan for the first time in his life. He wasn’t aware of him as his best friend, or his roommate, or as another man. This existence was just Seungkwan. 

Those restless and clammy hands argued with themselves on their next decision, but following their natural desires, fingertips made the journey to travel outwards to make contact with the soul Vernon was so fixated on. Each singular fingertip was itching with the urge to brush against skin, to trace over every curve and small imperfection with an almost invisible electric current dragging him closer, to move forward just that little bit more. 

But that anxious yearning for contact did not get fulfilled. 

Seungkwan was one step ahead of him. His head moved to rest back against Vernon’s shoulder ordinarily in an attempt to get into a better position for movie viewing, nuzzling back against his body as he made himself more comfortable. Perhaps out of the corner he had realized Vernon’s hand drifting in the air towards his direction. That’s what made him look up slightly at the younger male from where his head rested on his shoulder, a slow smile gracing over his features. “Hansol-ah.” Seungkwan’s voice called out to him, the low relaxed sound in his vocal chords sending a chill down Vernon’s spine. 

He was sure he’d been caught in the act. The hand that had been lingering in the air suddenly, pushed through the locks of his hair messily instead. The action was far too awkward to be an attempt at his normal habit. Vernon had to forcefully tear himself away from Seungkwan’s rich brown eyes gazing up at him, deciding to look at the movie screen to distract himself from doing anything stupid again. “Yeah?” 

Seungkwan smile grew even more amused as he pointed at the screen. “They just said that word you always like to say.” 

All Vernon could respond was a hum of questioning, non-verbally pushing him to continue on because he wasn’t sure if he could even gather his thoughts for a proper sentence now. The only thoughts in his mind were about how to appear less awkward and caught off guard. 

Seungkwan only had to respond with one word and instantly, all of the inspiration he ever needed came flooding through his mind. 

“Fronting.” 

. . . . . 

The next time the hip hop team planned to meet up in the studio, Vernon was one of the first to arrive. Maybe his nerves had slightly gotten the best of him. He arrived to the south booth nearly an hour early, intent of using some time for pure concentration of practicing the lyrics he wrote out loud. When Seungkwan was around, he couldn’t exactly just take out his lyrics and start reading off much like Seungkwan whipped out his script and suddenly got into character. This seemed much too personal, with more than half of the lyrics written off his own experiences. Sure, there were a few lines about taking some girl to the Han River that Seungcheol had suggested he put in, but nearly all of the rest of the lyrics were straight from his heart. 

Much to Vernon’s surprise, he expected the studio to be empty but Jihoon was already there. He could recognize that pastel pink hair anywhere. No one else in their university seemed to be daring enough to pull something like that off. “Oh, hey.” Vernon called out to him hesitantly as he peeked into the room, trying not to startle the boy too much and interrupt him from what appeared to be some work with arranging beats. “Do you mind if I come early? If you’re busy I can just come back later…” 

Despite not exactly being considered friends, or knowing anything about each other, Jihoon just glanced over his shoulder for a second and motioned for him to come in. “Yeah, come in. I just have to finish up something real quick.” He assured him with a small polite smile before turning back to his work, clicking away rapidly at whatever program he had open. Vernon found himself slightly self-conscious around Jihoon still. For some reason he purposely tried to made his steps more quiet while in the older male’s work space, even carefully taking a seat on the leather sofa like any noise would somehow disturb him. The two of them weren’t close at all, and Jihoon was a few years his senior, not to mention a talented senior at that. To say Vernon felt awkward in his presence was a total understatement. 

The sound of Jihoon clicking away was the only noise in the soundproof room until Vernon finally spoke up. “So, uh… I heard your father is the university’s principal, huh?” Vernon’s fingers fidgeted with the song lyrics that he had printed out, the paper becoming slightly folded and wrinkled in various places from too much use. “That must be nice. You can use this room as much as you want for free. And all the other amenities on campus as well.” 

Jihoon paused slightly, turning over his shoulder as he let out a long sigh. “Don’t think I’m some scholarship kid or anything like that. I had to take all of the placement tests just like everyone else.” 

“Oh, no. I didn’t think anything like that…” Vernon tried to assure him, shaking his head back and forth in denial. “I mean, you’re lucky for that…I guess? Or maybe you don’t want to hear something like that because I’m sure it’s annoying for everyone to have high expectations of you just because of your parents? You know what, how about we just forget I ever said all of that.” He felt like he had completely overstepped the boundaries between the two of them and made things weirdly personal. Mentally, he wanted to scold himself for making things even more awkward than they already were but Jihoon let out a breathy laugh.

“I get it, don’t think too hard about it.” The male’s mischievous smile reached his eyes as he turned around in his chair completely to take a look at Vernon, still laughing amusedly to himself. When he wasn’t so concentrated in his work or straight faced, his expression made him look quite younger than his current age. “I’m used to getting questions like this all the time so don’t worry about upsetting me or anything like that. And forgive me for laughing but god- you don’t have to be so desperate to explain yourself around me. I’m not sure what Mingyu told you, but I’m actually not so scary once you get to know me.” 

Vernon’s lower lip slightly protruded out, allowing his shoulders to take a moment to shrug up as he really thought about it. “I mean, he didn’t exactly say you were scary… just very professional and expecting of only the best…” 

“That may be true…” Jihoon realized, tipping his head to the side in deep thought as he pursed his lips. “Let’s forget about that though, I don’t want to make you too nervous because I know it’s your first time doing something like this.” His legs propelled himself forwards in the oversized office chair, scooting himself closer to Vernon as he took a look at the sheet of paper that was currently being wrinkled even more with every second. “Mind if I take a look? Seungcheol told me about most of the lyrics already but I want to try and work out the timing.” 

Vernon nodded and passed the weathered paper over to his senior, still a bit shy to share his work with someone else but he’d have to do it eventually. “I wrote some English phrases and words in there so let me know if you need me to translate it over for you.” Leaning closer to Jihoon to point out the use of foreign words, the other male simply nodded in response and started reading them out loud without too much of a problem. Vernon’s eyes widened at the male’s skillful pronunciation. “Hey, I didn’t know you could speak English…” 

Jihoon’s head tipped to the side, raising his fingers upwards to brush through the pink strands of hair a bit modestly. “Ah, well I can’t exactly speak too much. I listen to a lot of American music though and upload covers online sometimes. Nothing too serious though.” As the shorter male read over the lyrics a few times silently to himself, lips formed out the words in order to work on the timing of things, head bobbing rhythmically along to the imaginary beat in his head. A slow smile started to form on his face, and that extremely settled Vernon’s anxieties down greatly. He had been struggling with the lyrics all week, first fighting with the actual words and then attempting to decide if they were too cringy or cheesy to be read out loud. Apparently his other friends had called Jihoon hard to interpret, or having emotions that fluctuated too quickly, but all the body language he could currently read looked like he was going to accept the lyrics for the song. 

After patiently waiting to let Jihoon take as much time as he needed to work out the verses, the older male let out a long sigh of what Vernon assumed to be of accomplishment. “Overall, I like it. I think the incorporation of English into the verses is going to give you some character and distinctly separate your skills as a rapper from the rest of the group.” Jihoon gave him some honest feedback, eyes scanning over the lyrics like any professional critic would do. “I was actually toying around with adding some English into my own parts as well as the chorus so I don’t have any intention of switching your lyrics around at this time, but hm… the use of the word ‘fronting’. That’s…..well, interesting.” 

The hesitance in his tone made Vernon sit up slightly in his seat, feeling like he’d have to explain his decision. “Fronting means like, when your heart feels some kind of way but you purposely make your actions the opposite in order to hide your true feelings.” 

Jihoon’s lips opened slightly, repeating out the newly learned word once before drifting off into a moment of thought. His tongue quickly flicked over his lips, switching between wetting them and then biting down on them as he seemed to be analyzing things once again. This was the type of Jihoon that Vernon wasn’t able to read. It made Vernon worry slightly, wondering if he had made some kind of amateur mistake in writing or wrote something cheesy, but Jihoon’s next words completely made his heart stop. 

“I’ve found it. That’s the title.” 

Almost stupidly, Vernon’s mouth hung open in a silent gasp. He had to mentally prepare himself for what those words actually meant, sending his paused heart into a state of rapid fluttering within mere seconds. “Title…Y-you mean…My lyric is actually going to be used as the title?” As if forgetting the distance between their relationship almost instantly with the good news, Vernon’s hand suddenly clasped onto the older male’s shoulder, still completely in disbelief as he looked at him with widened eyes. 

“Well, it’s exactly what I’ve been looking for so I would be stupid to disregard something as perfect as that.” Jihoon simply let out a chuckle, nodding to himself resolutely as if it didn’t need any more thought at all. “The title will be ‘fronting’ and that’s my final decision.” 

And Vernon was elated. He had been miraculously chosen to compose lyrics for a song that he also self titled. In this moment of excitement and anticipation to complete this opportunity, his whole body felt warm and happy. Honestly, he had to admit that he was proud of himself for the first time in awhile. The first person he wanted to tell the good news to, was no other than Seungkwan. 

. . . . . 

 

Vernon’s steps were a bit lighter as he made his way back to his dorm room that night. Once his other friends had arrived, they all started going over the lyrics as a group and working out the timing with Jihoon in preparation for recording the song. It was decided that in just a few more days, they would actually be able to use the booth for the first time and create an actual audio file. That was something a little too good to be true in Vernon’s eyes and he was already anticipating the day when they could finally finish up the process. 

In a way, Vernon already wanted to celebrate this kind of opportunity. Maybe he would head outside somewhere special for dinner tonight. And maybe he would even treat Seungkwan as well. He was just in that kind of mood and surely nothing would be able to get in the way of his happiness right now. 

Seungkwan generally ended up home later than himself, due to his busy schedule of practicing late in the auditorium with his friends. But today Vernon was surprised to find his bright and bubbly roommate home first. And today he wasn’t exactly so bright and bubbly either. 

The look in Seungkwan’s eyes could probably tell a thousand words. Vernon didn’t exactly know what kind of circumstances had caused him to be sitting on the edge of his bed, eyes stained red and swollen, with wet remnants of tear tracks across his cheeks, but something had clearly happened. Whatever it was, Vernon knew that it had to be something pretty bad in order to bring Seungkwan down like this. Almost instinctively, he dropped his bag and launched his body across the room in order to meet Seungkwan, his arms wrapping around his form protectively as he clutched the boy against his chest. 

“Seungkwan, what happened? Tell me, is someone hurt or did someone do anything to harm you?” The words passed through Vernon’s lips quickly as he pulled back ever so slightly to take a look at Seungkwan’s face for some possible answer. The older male averted his eyes away from Vernon’s own, head shaking as he looked down to the floor without any answer. This only made Vernon’s anxiety grow. Seungkwan never looked so blank and emotionless before. 

“Seungkwan, answer me!” Vernon insisted out much sharper than necessary, the panic of the situation getting the best of him. One of his hands moved upwards to cup his best friend’s cheek, the gentle pads of his fingertips trailing over the tear stained skin as he forcefully brought Seungkwan’s gaze to his own yet again. He could almost watch the way that tears welled up in those rich brown eyes, emotions boiling over one more time as Seungkwan failed to hold them in around his presence. 

Vernon was the closest person to him. There was no way to hide. 

“I’m just….a horrible fucking person.” Seungkwan admitted through a sniffle, the action sending droplets of tears to cascade down his face yet again. His voice wavered, quivering as he spoke the truth out to the person who was supposed to accept him without judgement, yet still scared to voice out his worries and possibly be abandoned. “I’m so goddamn horrible and I just did the worst possible thing that I could ever do to somebody and I hate myself for it.” 

Vernon’s brows furrowed together in an attempt to put all the pieces of the story together, yet still not fully getting it. His free hand that wasn’t cupping Seungkwan’s cheek shakily moved upwards, pressing his fingertips down on every little tear droplet that threatened to spill over. “I don’t think you’re horrible, Seungkwan. And I don’t even think that I’d ever be able to think of you as a horrible person either.” 

Seungkwan just let out an uncharacteristically bitter laugh, shaking his head from side to side as he looked down at his lap. “You’re just saying that because you’re my best friend. You don’t even know what happened.” 

“Then let me know.” Vernon almost pleaded, allowing his hand to slide down his roommate's cheek and settle for cupping his chin instead. It was hard to get a clear look into Seungkwan’s eyes, to show him that he was going to be here for him and that there was nothing that would make him leave. But with Seungkwan so intent on averting his eyes away from his own, Vernon practically had to kneel down in front of him to get his attention. “Seungkwan, there’s nothing you could say right now that would make me think any less of you.” 

“You can say that now but as soon as you hear it what I did, you’re going to hate me too.” Seungkwan mumbled out to himself quietly under his breath, raising the back of his hand upwards to rub at his swollen eyelids, blotting away the fresh tears that stung his eyes. “I’m selfish, I’m greedy, and I fucked up big time.” 

Vernon helplessly bit down on his own lip. He was unsure how to unravel the answers from Seungkwan. No one had ever broke down in front of him before. Even his little sister hadn’t had moments like this ever since she had become a teenager. He was completely lost and unaware of which action would be best to take, so that left him with only one option. To follow his heart. 

“Seungkwan.” His voice was slightly shaky as he called out to the other male, despite all of his determination to sound resolute. Taking a hold onto both of the trembling hands and gently allowing them to rest within his own, he watched the smaller hands slowly starting to relax in his hold. “What if I promised you that no matter what you say or do, I’m always going to be right here.” The question was hypothetical, not expecting any definite answer or reply, but Vernon wanted to show his sincerity in the only way he knew how. That would be to sit with Seungkwan, to give him the attention he needed, and listen to every single worry he ever had and try his best to make it go away. 

With his own hands enveloping Seungkwan’s own, he gently shifted them away from Seungkwan’s lap, ever so cautiously bringing them closer to himself with complete and utmost fragility. The soft, warm skin touching against his own blended together in what felt like their clasped hands were one single entity. Vernon’s larger and more muscular hands wrapped around Seungkwan’s slightly smoother and tanned ones, and despite all of their differences, Vernon could have sworn that he never felt so close to anyone in his whole life. 

Vernon had his eyes focused on those hands wrapped so perfectly in his own, a resolute smile slowly warming up on his own features. “I want to be there for you. Right by your side like this. For all the good and the bad, I want be with you like this because I know you’d do the same for me. Right?” As he gave Seungkwan’s hand a reassuring squeeze, he prodded the other male to answer with a small nod. “So do you think you’d be able to let me know what’s weighing on your mind?” 

Conflicted emotions passed through Seungkwan’s expression. It took a little patience from Vernon, to just let him collect his thoughts and come to terms with things, but Vernon had all the time in the world to listen. “I didn’t get the lead part.” Seungkwan confessed first, the words heavy and weighing in the air painfully as Vernon fought nearly every urge his body had to gasp out loud. “Seokmin got it.” 

He knew how hard Seungkwan had worked for the musical production. Theatre was his life and he put every ounce of being into his singing, acting, and performing in general. The news of Seungkwan not getting the part he had been longing for was devastating and he knew it had broken Seungkwan’s spirit quite a bit. “I’m really sorry to hear that Seungkwan. I know how badly you wanted it.” As the older male’s hands started to fidget in his own, he had to hold on a little more tightly to calm him down. “But I’m sure you got casted in another important part, right?” 

“The lead character’s best friend.” Seungkwan mumbled out, sniffling to himself to prevent himself from shedding any more tears. “Therefore, I’m playing Seokmin’s best friend character in the musical.” 

Vernon let out a low hum in understanding, tipping his head to the side as he came to terms with the information. “At least Seokmin got the lead instead of some other student you didn’t know. I mean, you always say Seokmin is incredible at singing and that he’s suited to be a professional singer someday. I guess this is the first step towards his dream, right?” 

The darkening look in Seungkwan’s eyes alerted him to something being much more complicated than he was picking up on. He could physically see his roommate tense up in front of him. “That’s where I fucked up.” Seungkwan revealed to him, his expression becoming more pained and distressed as the seconds ticked by. “I wasn’t happy for him. I felt like the wind got knocked out of me. I couldn’t say anything while everyone was congratulating him and celebrating and I just grabbed my shit and walked out? I mean, what kind of fucking friend is that?” 

“That’s… a normal reaction I think?” Vernon had struggled with the right words to find, mentally debating with himself from saying something unhelpful. “You put in a lot of hard work towards this, so of course you’re going to feel disappointed that what you hoped for didn’t actually happen. When it comes to theatre, or sports, or whatever else, you’re supposed to be a team but at the end of the day it’s more like a competition, huh? Jealousy can happen easily.” 

“You know, when I first moved to Seoul, Seokmin and Hoshi were everything to me…” Seungkwan started out, a single tear rolling down his cheek that caused Vernon’s frown to deepen.

“They’re still everything to you. They’re your best friends.” 

“But how can I fucking call Seokmin my best friend when I wasn’t even happy for him?” Seungkwan snapped out harsher than necessary, his sadness turning into more of anger as he went through the emotional processes, hot tears streaming down his face. “In that moment, all I could think about was myself and how I wasn’t the goddamn center of attention for once. I’m greedy, and selfish, and fucking jealous of my own best friend.” 

Vernon didn’t try to stop Seungkwan’s tears from flowing. He knew it was more healthy to let them out, and to let Seungkwan fully feel everything that he was feeling. It didn’t stop him from feeling completely helpless though. The hands that had held Seungkwan’s own were forced to let go as Seungkwan brought his hands up to his face, wiping away the tears as they fell. From where Vernon was kneeling in front of him, he patiently let Seungkwan take his time. His own fingers were always there as well, collecting the little droplets on the male’s skin before they threatened to stain the material of his shirt. 

“I feel like there’s no precise answer that I can give you.” Vernon admitted with all honesty once Seungkwan’s sobbing had calmed down to the point of small sniffles, erratic breaths turning into slow rhythmic ones instead. “I know that you were perfect for that role. You’re worthy and talented enough and you did everything that you could. But Seokmin is equally as talented as you, and I’m sure he put in the same amount of time and effort that you did. It might have been a choice based on seniority, or simply what the teacher directing the play was looking for.” 

“I know.” Seungkwan repeated out, nodding as he hid his face behind his hands. “I know that in a few days I’ll be able to look at it differently and support him like a good friend should. But I’m just ashamed of myself for acting this way.” 

Vernon knew Seungkwan was finally coming to the point of some resolution. It settled his heart quite a bit from the worries he had once he had entered to room. As a hopeful smile formed on his face, he moved to sit next to Seungkwan on the edge of the bed. He would stay by his side just as he promised. “I don’t think you should feel ashamed. Whether you like it or not, there’s even competition like this between professional singers. I’m sure everyone in show business has moments of jealousy or doubts like how you’re feeling now.” 

Seungkwan let out a strangled chuckle, all of the crying having plugged his nose up quite a bit. “Was that supposed to make me feel better, or make me worry about my future even more? You’re horrible at this, Chwe Hansol.” 

Vernon knew that if Seungkwan was in the mood, he’d definitely be rolling his eyes at him now. “Hey, at least it made you smile!” Vernon responded back defensively as his own grin began to grow, nudging his roommate in the shoulder playfully. “But actually my intentions were to let you know that this type of jealousy can happen to just about anyone. Even me sometimes. Back in highschool I knew all of my teammates were around the same level but sometimes when one of them would get special attention from the coach we’d all be kind of fussy about it. Or how about when your friend scores a few points higher on a test than you? I get kind of jealous and wish it was me instead.” 

Seungkwan let out a hum before flopping back against his mattress, laying down carelessly against his pillows. “I’m exhausted now.” 

“Crying can do that to you, I guess. How about we call it an early night and tomorrow morning I’ll take you out to your favorite cafe for breakfast. My treat?” Vernon suggested with a cheesy smile, hovering over Seungkwan’s tired body for as the other boy groaned and attempted to push him away. 

“I appreciate it, but I think I need some time to myself.” Seungkwan admitted through a mumble, letting his eyes already start to slide shut as he pulled his blankets over his body. He hadn’t even bothered to get changed out of his school clothes, but Vernon wasn’t going to push him any further tonight. He would give him his space and wait for Seungkwan to come back whenever he needed it. But still, something inside of him made him hesitate to leave Seungkwan here and move back to his own bed. 

“Hey, Seungkwan?” 

“Hm?” 

Vernon felt his body shift slightly, turning sideways to take a good look at Seungkwan who was currently curled up and facing away from him on the tiny twin sized bed. As he moved towards his roommate hardly any closer than before, his eyes taking a good look at Seungkwan’s puffy eyelids despite being closed, something deep inside him just made him want to stay here. To do more. To do anything. 

Before he could acknowledge himself closing the distance between the two of them, his body moved naturally on it’s own accord. His body was pressed up against Seungkwan’s own, limbs surrounding Seungkwan securely and protectively in an attempt to let him share his worries. Selflessly giving himself up for Seungkwan to lean on without directly asking for it. He wanted to be used. He wanted to cover up all of the pain by offering himself over. 

“Seungkwan?” Vernon’s voice called out yet again, dropping down to nearly a whisper as he currently positioned himself closely to Seungkwan’s ear. 

“Hm?” 

“You’re the closest person to me.” He confessed out loud for maybe the first time in his life. Inexperience with conveying his feelings to other people made insecure thoughts rise in his mind, his nervous voice coming out like a hushed secret shared only between the two of them. “I know you have other best friends, but you’re my only best friend. So just… depend on me a little more sometimes. I’m always going to have a shoulder for you to lean on.” 

Surely, Seungkwan was drifting off to sleep while wrapped in his arms. In addition to having such an emotional evening, ending with some sort of resolution and a warm embrace, sleep came easy at a time like this. Vernon didn’t get an answer, nor had he been expecting one. He knew that his feeling had been conveyed enough as his lips pressed against Seungkwan’s soft cheek. Replacing the remnants of any previous tears that had fallen with a pair of lips instead.


	9. healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungkwan undergoes some unexpected changes, vernon takes him out for meaningful day trip, and it's finally time to confront some real feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi.   
> i went over my usual chapter word count by like 1k words, so this might take longer to read than usual.   
> i really liked this chapter the most out of all i've written so far and i hope you'll all enjoy in too !   
> p . s . i became and official 2nd generation carat... i've never been so proud in my whole life 
> 
>  
> 
> anyways, you can find me @citruseungkwan on tumblr if you'd like to meet anytime!

Vernon had fallen asleep in Seungkwan’s bed last night. He didn’t intend to. It just happened to happen. With emotions high and his best friend clearly going through something right now, he didn’t even notice when he started drifting off to sleep too. As sunshine filtered through the blinds and interrupted him from his dreams, one thing was clear. Seungkwan wasn’t here, but this was clearly his bed. 

Sleepy eyes opened to pale blue and white sheets, the pastel colors coming off slightly alarming since Vernon was used to waking up to dark navy colors. All of the linens smelled of fresh cotton and something a bit citrusy as the rays of sunshine heated up the material, making the sheets feel warm and soft on against his skin. The pillow that somehow wedged under his head in the middle of the night was much more fluffy and new than his owned flattened one. Moments like this made him really notice the differences between Seungkwan and himself. 

He woke up alone this morning. Or afternoon. As he blindly reached out with his fingers to find his phone somewhere on the mattress, the blinking time on the phone screen alerted him that it was already almost 12. So much for setting an alarm to wake up early to in order treat his roommate to some overly sweet breakfast in a cheer up attempt. 

The time alone would explain why Seungkwan was currently missing from their shared dorm room. Seungkwan was a morning person and Vernon was a night owl. Usually when Vernon woke up to find Seungkwan gone, he would just roll around in his blankets and fall back to sleep. The latter never woke Vernon up to tell him when he came and went on errands because he knew to let him sleep in. Vernon normally would’ve never thought twice about the lack of Seungkwan’s presence, but after having such an emotional episode last night, Vernon was slightly concerned.

Instead of rolling around in bed and trying to collect his thoughts for a few last moments of relaxation, he just kind of sprung up from the bed and started throwing on some fresh clothes. Showering could wait until later. He pushed back his almost too long fringe under a beanie, slipped on an oversized sweatshirt with some black jeans, and remembered to take his phone out of the room with him. 

On his hurried way out of the dorm room and down the long hallways that lead to the elevators, he decided giving Seungkwan a call would probably be better than just wandering aimlessly in an attempt to find him. His call was denied only after two rings, but he received a text shortly after. 

[ boo ] : meet me at the cafe in 15? 

Vernon let out an audible sigh of relief as he entered the elevator and leaned against the railing. At least Seungkwan wasn’t the type of suddenly disappear or give him the silent treatment while his feelings were upset. Vernon wouldn’t know what to do if the literal only person he spent his time with ended up avoiding him. Instead of waiting the actual 15 minutes, he just sort of went straight there. Checking up on Seungkwan’s current mental state was the most important thing on his mind so most likely he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything else anyways. 

Taking a seat at one of the empty tables for two, Vernon went ahead and ordered for the both of them ahead of time. For himself he just got a hot green tea. Nothing fancy. But for Seungkwan he chose the largest iced chocolate mocha frappuccino that he could find on the menu, topped with a caramel shot, a huge pile of whipped cream, and even finished off with a full handful of chocolate sprinkles. Seungkwan deserved only the best after going through such a disappointment yesterday. 

Vernon had passed the remaining minutes by continuously bringing his tea cup up to his lips, debating back and forth between blowing on the steaming liquid or burning his tongue just to get used to the temperature faster. When Seungkwan finally entered the room, he actually burned himself though. Completely on accident.

When Seungkwan entered the room, it was literally almost like Vernon had seen sunshine for the first time in his life. The fluffy locks of reddish-auburn hair that Vernon had grown so used playing around with to were nowhere to be found. Instead, the older boy’s hair had been bleached to a complete golden blonde color. Similar to the actual rays of sun that seeped through their dorm room blinds every morning.

As the platinum blonde boy took a seat across from Vernon and shot a small smile in his direction, Vernon’s jaw actually fell open. “What the fuck, Seungkwan?” Vernon dazedly commented out, his words coming out much more shocked than anything else as his eyes scanned over his roommate. 

“I’ll take that to mean that you don’t like it?” Seungkwan commented back, almost a smirk forming on his features as one of his hands reached up to tuck a few stray strands behind his ear. 

For some reason, Vernon’s eyes were locked onto the way that the newly colored hair framed the male’s face, specifically noticing how perfectly it moved when Seungkwan tipped his head to the side. “Nope, I actually never said that! I love- I mean, I like it and it looks good on you.” Vernon stammered out, glancing down at his tea cup and purposely stirring at the liquid around to distract himself. “It just surprised me for a second.” 

Seungkwan just laughed at took a look at the drink in front of him, blinking his eyes a few times at all of the added ingredients. “You ordered this for me?” 

“Yeah. If you hate it, we can trade. Or share if it’s too sweet. Whatever.” The initial shock from seeing such an unexpected change on his roommate was starting to wear off slightly, making Vernon fully realize he actually burned his tongue pretty badly at the moment Seungkwan walked in. If anything, he somewhat wanted to try the super sugary beverage just for the ice to cool his tongue. On a normal day, Vernon would never be caught with one of those crazy special order drinks, but today was not such a normal day. 

“Thanks, Hansol. You always know what I like.” Seungkwan smiled softly over at him, the appreciative look in his eyes reaching all the way to Vernon’s heart. Or somewhere else inside that caused him to feel all these strange moments of longing sometimes. “Anyways, the answer to your question is, because I just felt like it.” 

Vernon’s eyes squinted in confusion. “I didn’t ask any questions since you arrived.” 

Seungkwan rolled his eyes and had to take a long sip from his drink before taking things back to Vernon’s speed. “I knew you were going to ask me why I suddenly changed my hair, so there’s your answer. I wanted to change, so I just went out and did it.” 

Vernon only squinted even more back at him. “But why would you even want to change in the first place? I think you’re fine as you are, you know that.” 

“Sometimes after something not so great happens, I like to change things around. It feels like starting a new version of my life, or getting a fresh start. It’s kind of hard to explain but it feels pretty damn refreshing.” Seungkwan explained a little more, letting out a small sigh as his shoulders shrugged upwards. “When I moved to Seoul I changed my natural hair color to a light brown. Then once I got rid of my previous homophobic asshole roommate, I changed it to the reddish-brown color you saw when we first met. And now, I didn’t pass my audition for the role I really wanted so I figured it’s time to change again.” 

Vernon nodded to himself slowly, now sort of starting to get into what Seungkwan was trying to explain to him. “Actually a lot of girls do that in America too, but we say it only happens after they go through a bad breakup and they want to get back out there and look better than before.” 

“Well, that’s not exactly the case for me but also kind of both at the same time?” Seungkwan questioned out hypothetically, glancing up at the tiled ceiling of the cafe as he thought about it some more. “It’s more like I feel like that part of my life is over now, so if I change my hair that’s a first step towards moving on.” 

“I get it.” Vernon assured him with a content smile, preventing his friend from getting lost in too much more thoughts than necessary. He clearly had a rough night last night and he didn’t need any more overthinking to ruin today as well. “I think it’s a good idea though. From now on, you can work your hardest playing the second main character in the musical, then in the long run I guess that’s preparing you for your future lead role to come someday. Self improvement is always a good thing in my opinion, no matter the process that leads to it.” 

“Even if you think it’s a girly habit or something, it works for me.” Seungkwan replied with a small chuckle of amusement before sucking down a large sip of mostly whipped cream. “It might seem like a pointless hairstyle change to some people but it’s a push in the right direction for me.” 

Vernon finally returned to his own cup of tea that had cooled down enough to start sipping on. Sometimes the two of them didn’t even need to fill each moment with words. Living together for as many months as they did now, silence became a comfortable thing ever so often. Sharing the company of their presences was satisfying enough. Shifting his eyes between the other cafe patrons, various paintings littering the walls, and back to Seungkwan again, Vernon was left wondering if yesterday even happened. 

The older male’s dark brown eyes stared back at him, blinking slowly but clearly unaffected by the crying spell from last night. The whites of Seungkwan’s eyes weren’t even reddened with the reminder of the tears that had flowed out only hours ago. His eyelids were no longer puffy and abused from frantically rubbing away the wetness that formed there. If anything, Seungkwan looked even more refreshed and well rested than he usually did. 

Maybe his roommate picked up on some of the suspicion that started to grow on Vernon’s features. “I took a very cold shower this morning to try and tone down all of the swollenness around my eyelids. Hell, even my whole face looked all big and puffy when I woke up.” Seungkwan revealed. “I guess crying so much can do that to you, but thank god cold showers and a little makeup can fix that up quickly.” 

Vernon let out a hum of understanding as his eyes retreated away from Seungkwan and back down to their table. He was purposely distracting himself from asking his next question. Whether it came down to swirling the tea around in the cup or trying to read the little carvings in the table, he wasn’t exactly sure if enough time had passed to ask. Physically having to clear his throat before speaking up, Vernon let out a forced cough. “Are you going to be… okay?” 

Seungkwan didn’t hesitate long to answer, a slow and contrived smile that held bitter undertones on his face. “That’s a loaded question. I’m clearly not happy now but I’ll get over it. Last night when I ran back to our dorm room after hearing the news, I was certain that I would quit the musical all together if I couldn’t play the best part. I’m selfish, I know. But that wouldn’t be the professional thing to do and I’ve already put in so much effort....It seems like I kind of wasted all my time working towards something that I can’t achieve, but at the same time it feels like even more of a waste to give up completely?” 

“I don’t think Boo Seungkwan would ever be a quitter.” Vernon admitted genuinely, speaking from his own honest opinion. “That’s not the Seungkwan I know, at least. I think that the Seungkwan I know would still go out there and perform in the musical to the best of his ability, and maybe steal the hearts of the audience with his witty banter and soulful singing despite only being the main character’s best friend.” 

That comment caused Seungkwan to smile. A real smile this time. Vernon knew he had said something right as soon as he saw the happiness reach through to his eyes, the emotion resonating through those dark brown pupils. “Hm, I suppose so then. But I think Boo Seungkwan is kind of a diva and tends to overact and oversing just because that’s what’s natural to do for him.” Seungkwan played along with his talking in the third person, finding it kind of funny. “He’s worried that the main character might feel like he’s trying to steal the show, when in reality that’s just how he performs.” 

“Which main character are you referring to?” Vernon feigned confusion, pretending to furrow his brow together. “I thought Boo Seungkwan was the main focus of this whole play because my eyes can only follow him and the audience is practically sitting on the edges of their seats to see him perform to his full potential!” 

“Shut up.” Seungkwan let out a delighted chuckle but still reached out to push at his shoulder playfully, causing Vernon to break out of his own act and laugh as well. “You’re so annoying. You know that too, right?” 

“You’re only annoyed because I finally got you to smile for real.” Vernon defended himself, reaching out to steal a taste of Seungkwan’s syrupy drink before the male could suck all of it down. “All kidding aside, I think it’s the best idea to participate in the school musical anyways and still put in the same amount as effort in as you would if you were the main character. You never know who is watching in the crowd. Maybe a talent scout from some entertainment company will show up and try to cast you.” 

“I’m pretty sure that type of thing only happens in movies. But yeah, I guess I will take my place as the main character’s sidekick and try not to outshine him too much.” Seungkwan commented under his breath, rolling his eyes around with mock sarcasm. “Remember how last night I realized how selfish and hungry I can get for praise and attention when it comes to my performance skills? For a moment, I actually debated trying to steal the spotlight from my own best friend and sabotaging the play. How disgusting is that to even cross my mind?” 

“All Humans are selfish. At least you have enough moral responsibility not to act on those moments of jealousy. I know you’d never actually purposely try to steal attention away from Seokmin’s performance but it might be hard with those vocals you have.” Vernon’s compliment caused Seungkwan to beam again, causing Vernon to smile a bit more satisfiedly to himself. He wasn’t exactly doing so bad in the comforting an upset friend area. “Besides that, if you ever wanted to show off your skills in a different setting, maybe you could try to perform solo for a talent show or competition? Seungcheol was starting to gather some information about upcoming events to play our new track at.” 

“I used to do talent shows all the time in high school. It’s not too fun when you keep winning all the time. Believe it or not, my high school in Jeju was pretty small so there wasn’t that much competition.” Seungkwan started on until he picked up on something Vernon left in the conversation, one of his eyebrows raising in questioning. “Wait, what new track? You mean as in a song?” 

Vernon couldn’t contain himself any longer from spilling out the good news, a bright grin on his face as he leaned forwards, almost like the information was still a secret. “We’re not recording it until sometime later in the week, but all of us finished our lyrics so in a few days I’ll have my first real song done.” 

“You’re making an actual song? For real?” Seungkwan’s voiced raised up to almost the level of a screech, clearly getting just as excited as Vernon was and probably a bit more too. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner, oh my god, Hansol! This is a big deal! Like I’ve been singing all my life and even I don’t have an actual recorded song under my name!” 

“Well, I wanted to tell you last night but you know…” Vernon’s head tipped to the side as he trailed on, then his body slightly jumped once Seungkwan grabbed his hand eagerly. 

“I’m so proud of you. You’re still a beginner at all of this but you’re already getting good at writing lyrics and rapping in songs. This is all so amazing, Hansol-ah. I’m really so happy for you and I’m sorry you couldn’t tell me last night when you wanted to.” His roommate was practically gushing to him, the hold on on one of his hands only tightening more as Seungkwan’s affection grew. “Once everything is finalized with the recording, we should have a little release party and celebrate it!” 

Vernon hadn’t been admired like this in such a long time. Back when he was a popular member of his high school’s basketball team, he was used to some girls hanging around him and attempting to compliment him on his skills. Unfortunately, most of the girls who routinely followed their team around didn’t seem to know too much about the actual sport itself, most likely just showing up to watch for attractive guys. Their praises were usually about Vernon looking cool on the court or something about his looks, not so much based on his personal skills and talents. Seungkwan’s words were a whole different kind of praise. These types of true compliments could only make his cheeks feel warm with delight and make happiness swell up in his heart. 

Vernon’s hand that was currently being held by Seungkwan’s own squeezed back tightly. “Hm, I think that’s a good idea. I’ll let the other guys know and maybe we can party back at their apartment. There’s much more space than trying to party in one of our small dorms.” 

“Yeah, let’s make a rule where there’s no parties ever allowed in our dorm room. You’ve never partied with Mingyu before and you would not believe how sticky a floor can get when alcohol gets spilled or whatever else he chooses to drop.” Seungkwan sealed the deal with a small laugh, allowing his fingers to intertwine with Vernon’s own. 

. . . . .   
After finishing up their drinks at the university’s cafe, Vernon gave Seungkwan two options. He could wallow in his disappointment at home, or he could actually go out and try to get over things. At first, Seungkwan really debated if he would end up being good company if they went out, since he still wasn’t exactly in the best spirits still, but Vernon somehow convinced him to spend the rest of the day outside. After all, the weather had been getting warmer to the point where they could finally spend time outside without having to retreat back inside after a few moments. It was that short passing of time between winter and spring. Some days would be slightly abnormally warm for the season, allowing them to go without heavy jackets as long as the sunshine was bright enough to keep them warm in it’s rays. 

Without a resolute decision of where to head for the day, Vernon just got an idea and ran with it. Seungcheol had helped him write some of the lyrics within their composed song, ‘Fronting’. Specifically those parts that describe going to the Han River with someone special and just enjoying the time shared together. Vernon had never actually been to the location before, despite having to include those parts within his own lyrics. So today he just decided to wing it and show up to the Han River with Seungkwan. 

His roommate didn’t question much. Even after getting off the subway station and walking along the pavement by the water’s edge, he followed Vernon’s lead despite having no planned destination in mind. There was something relaxing about wandering around without any rush to arrive at another place. The two of them could walk slowly and fall into each other’s pace, focusing on feeling the occasional gust of wind that sended a shiver down their skins, or how the gradually setting sun caused the other guests to eventually leave the area. Vernon liked moments like this with Seungkwan. It felt like they were in their own little world sometimes. When everything else was tuned out around him, that only made the moment when their hands accidentally brushed feel more special. 

“Did you ever ride a bike here before?” Vernon eventually questioned out after however many moments of comfortable silence passed by. On a day like today, countless couples, school friends, and families all enjoyed the weather by renting cheap bikes and cruising around by the waterside. As Vernon watched them pass him by, he was almost envious in a way. It must be nice to feel the warm spring air blowing through your hair accompanied with the adrenaline of chasing a loved one around on a bike. 

Seungkwan who kept his eyes locked on the sunset line in front of them let out a quiet hum, a bittersweet smile forming on his features. “When I first moved here, Seokmin and Soonyoung used to take me here often. We even rented a bicycle built for three people one time. It was a mess, but still a good memory nonetheless.” 

Although for a moment, Vernon had wondered if his question had somehow put Seungkwan into an upset mood again, he found himself slowly starting to smile as the image creeped into his imagination. “I can picture that and yeah, that doesn’t sound like a good idea at all.” Vernon bit back his smile, trying not send Seungkwan on some nostalgic memory recall about his friendships that weren’t exactly in the best places right now. Changing the subject was the best idea for right now. “It’s my first time here actually. I ended up including some part about coming here into my song lyrics despite never experiencing it for myself. But I’ve always felt like this place seemed like… a place where important memories are made.” 

“It’s best in the summer time though. A bit crowded but it still has something special about it. Like there’s some magic in the air.” Seungkwan joined in, glancing down at the ground as they continued walking. “Soon there will be more food stands popping up and lots of people will come here for picnics or just for hanging around and listening to the live music artists. The summer is also best because we used to get fried chicken take out along with some beers. And even though it got late at night we stayed up talking until the last train was about to leave. Even on the way home we’d dare Soonyoung to walk up to pretty girls in the subway station and dance for them, and he’d be so drunk that he would actually do it.” 

As the memories rolled out of Seungkwan’s mind and found themselves being made into words, Vernon found his eyes watching the other male. The way Seungkwan fondly talked about their times shared together with a growing smile that he probably didn’t even notice forming caused Vernon’s lips to turn up in a soft smile as well. There was something so pure about Seungkwan and the bond that he shared with them. Vernon admired it greatly and at the same time, found himself slightly envious. It left him to wonder if anyone would ever talk about him so fondly in the same way someday. 

“And it was really fun…” Seungkwan trailed off suddenly, the content smile on his face turning into one of slight embarrassment as he glanced over to Vernon. “Sorry, I think I’m talking too much, huh? I just sort of kept rambling on without thinking about what I was saying and spoke too much…” 

Vernon could only shake his head in response. “I don’t mind it at all. That’s your role as my best friend. Most of the time, you’re the talker and I’m the listener.” He replied back understandingly, slightly moving over in the older male’s body space to give his shoulder a nudge.

“I know, you’re too good at listening and nodding along to everything I say.” Seungkwan let out a light sigh, smiling over at Vernon as he gave him another elbow back to his side. Maybe this time a little more gentle than Vernon’s own though. “Sometimes I think I open up too easily to you. The words just come out and I can’t stop them.” 

“Well, feel free to talk to me. Even if it’s about those times with Seokmin and Soonyoung that you spent here. I know they’re on your mind right now. Did you even say anything to Seokmin after you left the auditorium?” Vernon’s eyes glanced over at the older but still shorter male, in which Seungkwan quickly glanced away. 

“Nope… He sent me a few texts about simple stuff, like asking me what’s my plan for the weekend or sending me links to funny videos. I didn’t even open them fully other than checking the main screen.” Seungkwan revealed, his lips pursing together as he contemplated things. “I miss them, but I’m not ready to tell them why I avoided them after the audition results came out. 

“Still doing some self contemplating?” 

“Not exactly- It’s kind of complicated I guess. . . I feel bad about my behavior, obviously it’s not something I’m proud of and I’m going to regret for awhile. But it’s not because of that why I’m hesitant to contact Seokmin. I’m not scared of apologizing.” His roommate insisted, watching his shoes walk along the pavement as they continued walking on, occasionally stopping to kick at small rocks that ended up in his way. “I just feel like no matter how much I try to explain myself, Soonyoung will always be closer to Seokmin than I will. He’s always going to side with Seokmin more than me. Somehow I feel like he’s going to hold some grudge against me even if I can make Seokmin accept my apology.” 

Vernon was put in a bit of an uncomfortable place. Unaware of the true dynamics that their friendship shared, he wasn't exactly sure what to say in order to give Seungkwan some feedback. The hands that had shoved into his pockets fidgeted around, his shoulders shrugging upwards without much of an answer. “You never know what’s going to happen until you finally talk to him. Why worry about all the possibilities? You’ll only end up getting more worked up about things that never happen.” 

“I guess so. That’s the problem with being best friends with two people though. Two of them are always going to like each other much more and end up leaving the third person out. Like I wish I could only keep things between me and Seokmin but since we’re all so close it’s going to reach Soonyoung eventually. I wouldn’t even be surprised if Seokmin already pointed out my previous behavior to him already.” The thoughts made their way out unrestrainedly, making Seungkwan let out a long breathy sigh of frustration. “And there I go again, talking too much about things that aren’t even your problem but forcing you to listen in on everything. If you ever want me to shut up, don’t be afraid to let me know.”

“I’ll remember that next time you’re in the shower singing at 5:30 in the morning. That means I have full permission to knock on the door and make you stop now?” Vernon tried to lighten the mood slightly with his words, taking his hands out of his pockets to reach over and ruffle at his roommate’s hair affectionately. “Nah, but it all seriousness, you don’t have to worry about complaining to me anytime. Or telling all those stories that pop up in your mind. Besides, I think it’s interesting. We’re forced to spend most of our lives living together now but there’s still so many things that we haven’t learned about each other yet. I wonder how long it will take for me to learn even more.” 

Seungkwan let out a small chuckle, crossing his arms over his chest as he tore his eyes away from Vernon’s to focus on the horizon line. “I don’t think you need to learn anymore than you already know. I’m sure if you learned everything, you’d be completely sick of me.” 

“Sick of you?” Vernon’s eyebrow raised up in questioning, an amused grin growing on his face. “I’ve been sharing the same room as you everyday for the past three months. If I was going to grow sick of seeing you, I think that would have happened a long time ago.” 

As Seungkwan’s lower lip started to jut out slightly, he let out a breathy sigh as he continued to walk ahead a few paces. “You never know, maybe once you know everything about me then you won’t feel the same way as before.” Vernon noted the distance in his words as the statement faded into silence. It was almost like the arms that were crossed over his chest were in that position to seemingly protect himself in some way. Even with someone as confident as Seungkwan, a rough week could cause moments of self doubt to happen to anybody. 

Something inside Vernon wanted to prove himself. To confirm that he would be here to stay. The adrenaline rose up in his chest as he found his feet stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. In the fleeting moment that it took Seungkwan to realize he wasn’t following behind him anymore, and then spinning around to question him, Vernon found his body moving automatically with no way to stop himself. His hand found it’s way to Seungkwan’s wrist, gently pulling him closer into his own space as those fingers found their way into the older male’s hand. Skin against skin, the tiny circles of Vernon’s fingertips slid down gradually to meet with Seungkwan’s own. The slow pace of the action only burned the longing in his chest even more until their hands were fully palm to palm, then finally interlaced within one another. This was what it felt like to be undoubtedly complete. 

Words would certainly ruin the fragility of the moment, but they still needed to be said. 

“Can I hold your hand?” Vernon questioned out with uncertainty, only able to look at their hands threaded together as they wavered insecurely in the air between them. It wasn’t exactly the best question, but it was the only thing Vernon had right now. After all, he had already finished the action so this was more like a request to keep doing it. 

Seungkwan delayed moved his eyes back between their hands and up to Vernon’s eyes. Almost indecisively he toyed with his lower lip, stuck between biting down on it or pouting it out in thought for what felt like an eternity to Vernon. Without any words, he ended up nodding only once and started walking down the path all over again. 

Silence settled for awhile. Seungkwan was always one or two paces ahead of himself. From his position of being a follower, Vernon stared at the back of his best friends head, watching intently with how the newly blonde strands of hair reflected the last of the sunset in almost a tantalizing way. Even if their hands weren’t currently clasped together and forcing his body to follow Seungkwan’s steps, he was sure this heightening attraction to the male alone would attach him to Seungkwan anyways. 

At this moment along the banks of the Han River, with the two of them side by side, and together hand in hand, Vernon knew that he had feelings for Seungkwan. These feelings couldn’t exactly be labelled distinctly in his mind, or completely sorted out at the moment, but he would have to admit that there was something tangible there.There was no need for further questioning or mentally trying to figure himself out. They were definitely real. To put things more simply, if Seungkwan’s side was a place, then he would want to be there. And that meant that these feelings had crossed the line of simply being just friends. 

He hadn’t said any of these thoughts out loud. There was still a bit more time that he’d need to figure things out completely, so there was no way he’d even mention any of this to Seungkwan. He wasn’t even sure he’d ever tell Seungkwan at all. Vernon was stuck in some sort of limbo where he didn’t even know what he wanted yet, but somehow his heart kept tugging him towards Seungkwan. The terms and conditions of their current friendship would have to be redefined all over again, but that couldn’t be done if he didn’t even know what he wanted out of all of these feelings. What seemed to be the most logical answer right now was to be near Seungkwan. To let things play out naturally between them and let fate decide the answer on it’s own.

Vernon was absolutely sure that he hadn’t said anything. Nor had he ended up speaking his thoughts outloud. Therefore when Seungkwan stopped abruptly in his tracks for what seemed like no reason, Vernon felt his heart sink to the bottom of his chest. Perhaps he event felt sick for a second. Or maybe that was just the nervous butterflies in his stomach starting to act up again. 

As Seungkwan started turning around to face him, Vernon inhaled sharply as a harsh wind blew by almost at the same point in time. The bleached locks of hair fluttered around by the breeze, the fair color of the strands contrasting to Seungkwan’s deep brown eyes that were currently staring up at him. The older male was just looking at him. Nothing more than that. But in Vernon’s mind, it was as though he was looking straight into his heart. Leaving all of those unsettled emotions and indecisive wants exposed out in the open, for maybe even the whole world to see. 

Seungkwan spoke up quietly, assuring that this would only be shared between the two of them and no other patrons of the park. “I want to learn everything about you too, Hansol.” Vernon had felt himself hanging on the edge of things, the words taking longer than usual to process in his brain as he responded with a slow nod. “The good things, and even the bad ones too. I’m not good at promising, but I wonder if I’ll be able to accept them all…” 

And with that, they started to walk back home. Their hands were still together, yet when Vernon fell behind slightly in their walking rhythm, the thoughts in his mind started to cloud over again. His gaze was fixated on Seungkwan’s back, left to wonder how such a person could hold so much importance to him. How they were so close but there was such an unattainable distance still hovering between them. 

Their hands were warm. Maybe even slightly clammy from the sheer amount of time that they had been paired together. But as the wind picked up again, and the cold breeze caressed the sensitive skin of his cheek, Vernon suddenly felt very lonely even in the presence of Seungkwan. He wanted to be noticed. He wanted to be touched. He wanted more. 

It had been such a long time since he had felt this way towards someone. Or maybe it was the first time. But he didn’t regret it. Maybe he never wanted to go back to the way things were before. 

. . . . . 

By the time that they had made their way back to the dorms for the night, it was almost completely dark outside. The chilly night air had started to settle in, making Vernon shiver inside the the material of his thin oversized sweatshirt. They stopped holding hands sometime during the trip back to campus. He didn’t exactly remember why. Maybe it was when they were crossing the street and a large crowd forced them to separate. Or when Vernon went to check a string of frantic messages left by Mingyu who was currently freaking out over an English test he had tomorrow. Either way, Vernon didn’t have enough courage to reach out and interlace their fingers again that day, but the warmth that was previously felt shared between them continuously lingered in his thoughts. 

In front of the elevator, Seungkwan was about to click the button to head back up to their room but someone called out to them. 

“Seungkwan, wait up!” Seokmin had tried to get his attention from a few feet away, jogging up to them with a bag filled with convenience store treats in his hand. Vernon physically saw Seungkwan’s shoulders tense up from the voice and he almost felt his own anxiety rising up in his stomach. It was going to be an uncomfortable conversation either way they went about it. 

Vernon tried to approach him first in order to give Seungkwan some time to react to unexpectedly seeing the other male. “Hey, Seokmin! What’s up?” Vernon grinned in the direction of Seungkwan’s friend, greeting him in English as he raised his hand up for a high five. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you around. Were you out on some late night junk food binge?” 

“I’m good, and you?” Seokmin played back with Vernon with a playful grin on his face, the infectious smile bright enough to make Vernon unintentionally mimic the expression as well. “But yeah, I was going to stock up on snacks tonight. Me and Soonyoung were going to play some Overwatch with some other guys. I think Mingyu is gonna meet us online as well.” As he switched back into Korean to explain, his eyes moved to an uncharacteristically quiet Seungkwan. “Hey, Seungkwan, I know you’re not really into playing online games but you could come and watch if you’d like?” 

Seungkwan simply let his head shake from side to side, glancing up at Vernon with blinking eyes for support. “We already made some plans to watch a movie together tonight. Right, Hansol-ah?” As he asked the question, Vernon felt Seungkwan’s arm wind around his own, making a move to lean on his side. It was a lie. They had no plans at all. But he didn’t exactly blame Seungkwan for wanting to get out of the situation. 

A flicker of pain was evident on Seokmin’s expression for only a slight second. The dazzling smile still remained on his face, but something in his eyes didn’t match up. If anything, Vernon could tell that he was disappointed by the rejection of his offer, almost like he had been sure Seungkwan would have said yes. And in that moment, Vernon wasn’t exactly sure if he could go along with lying right to his face just to put off Seungkwan’s confrontation any longer. 

The arm that was currently wound around with Seungkwan’s own pulled away from his grasp, moving to settle onto the small of the male’s back instead. This was a risky move, and he knew he was practically throwing Seungkwan under the bus by leaving him out in the open here, but honestly he thought it was better to make up with Seokmin as soon as possible. Seungkwan was the type to worry himself to death and according to his own personal intuition, he knew Seokmin would be completely understanding of what happened. Their bond was too unique to be broken by something like this. 

“Yeah, but I think I should head upstairs and give you a moment to talk.” Vernon admitted carefully, lowering his voice to Seungkwan’s ear as his hand gently patted his back. “I’ll be waiting upstairs if you need me, so just come up as soon as you finish.” 

Maybe Seungkwan would be pissed at him for abandoning him here like this. Maybe he would even hold a grudge and ignore Vernon for this, or maybe lose some trust in their friendship if it backfired. But Vernon had to take that chance in order to see Seungkwan’s true smile return again. As he made his way into the elevator before his roommate could stop him, he did feel guilty when they locked eyes. Seungkwan’s eyes were practically calling out to him for help. 

He felt even more guilty as he made his way back up to their shared apartment room and just couldn’t settle down. After taking probably the shortest shower ever, and tried to lay back on his bed and just wait for his return, he started getting incredibly antsy. It was almost hypocritical how he told Seungkwan not to worry about things that most likely weren’t going to happen, yet he was currently worrying like crazy about what could be happening downstairs. Vernon had tried to pass the time by packing up his school bag, picking up the dirty clothes that had settled on the bottle of closet, and even making his own and Seungkwan’s bed. But that wasn’t enough to distract him. 

After an hour had already passed, and another half hour passed by after that, Vernon contemplated going down there and checking on things. Still, he kept patient and only a few minutes later his roommate had cracked open the door. 

Vernon was up from his bed in a milo-second, jumping up immediately and making his way to the door as he met Seungkwan halfway into their shared room. Before whatever words were going to come out, his arms attempted to cushion some of the pain that would occur if the results came out bad. Tightly and protectively winding around the body of his smaller roommate, Vernon pulled him into his chest, muffling his face into the material of his shirt as he held on resolutely. “Seungkwan, I’m really sorry I left you down there for yourself but I think it was something that needed to be done.” 

His apology was left unaccepted as Seungkwan’s arms wound around him just as tightly, clutching onto him for support as his emotions came unraveled as soon as they touched. Seungkwan was shaking slightly, letting out an almost silent sniffle as he hid his face in the crook of Vernon’s neck. Shivering as he felt a hot tear drip onto his own skin, the droplet sliding down his skin and staining against his t-shirt, Vernon knew he was to blame for all of this. “Shit, Seungkwan, I’m really so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen at all.” 

Vernon had only tried to pull him closer, his hand moving to gently allow his fingers to pat softly at the blonde locks of hair in a soothing way. But Seungkwan’s hands pushed back against his chest, forcing himself away and ceasing all of Vernon’s actions as well. Vernon knew damn well that he deserved whatever was going to come to him. This was all his fault. 

But then Seungkwan smiled. 

His eyes were still blinking back tears and his lip was also quivering, but there was a smile there nonetheless. Vernon instantly moved closer, face to face with Seungkwan as he had to really check and see if he saw that right. Two hands found themselves on Seungkwan’s cheeks, using the pads of his thumbs to brush the skin clear from tears. As lips parted open to question out how his best friend was feeling, Seungkwan could only smile throughout his tears, allowing a small chuckle to slip past his lips. 

“It worked.” Seungkwan replied simply and calmly, trying to blink slowly in order to prevent more tears from slipping out. “I really thought it wouldn’t get through to him. I really thought he was going to hate me. But somehow I reached him, and I’m so unbelievably relieved and happy you don’t even know how much because I can’t explain it in words.” 

Vernon’s head dropped to Seungkwan’s shoulder, a long sigh escaping his lips to alleviate himself. He was taller than Seungkwan by just a little bit. Nearly seconds earlier he had been the one cradling Seungkwan, but it was like their roles completely reversed. Now all of his body weight was pressed up against the latter, relying on him to hold up his body completely. “You gotta stop scaring me like this… I don’t think my heart can handle it much longer.” He breathed out heavily as another dramatic sigh found it’s way out, causing rumbles of a quiet chuckle to resonate out of the chest he was leaning on. 

“Don’t worry, it’s all happy tears.” Seungkwan promised him, and Vernon actually believed it this time. “God, I’ve never felt so relieved in my whole life. As soon as I came up here and got behind the closed door, everything just came flooding out.” He replied with a bit of an embarrassment, yet still let out a small laugh as he raised a hand upwards to blot the tears away on his own. 

“I’m still so sorry though. For leaving you like that.” Vernon insisted, mumbling the words out against Seungkwan’s shoulder as the other male gave him a soft pat on the back. The hand moved around reassuringly, accepting the apology wordlessly as it rubbed invisible patterns around on his shirt, the action meant to calm Vernon down and to take some of the guilt away. 

Seungkwan allowed their bodies to sway back and forth slightly. Finally letting out a soft sigh of his own, he found his smile coming back as every single tear drop started to dry up. “I’m glad you did it though. Thanks for not letting me run away even though I really wanted to.” 

“That’s what best friends are for, right?” Vernon’s words were cheesy, yes. But he meant every single word behind it. Pulling back only just enough to get a look at Seungkwan, he found a grin spreading across his whole face as Seungkwan’s eyes crinkled up into little half-moon shapes of happiness.


	10. noticing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the hip hop unit's track is finally released, joshua pushes vernon a bit more, and seungkwan has a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, it's me again 
> 
> i still havent recieved my 2nd gen karat membership package to my korean address... does anyone know when they will ship out? 
> 
> also i feel like joshua is posting aesthetic in-n-out shots somewhere on tumblr and that's the key to find him. if u know where joshua's tumblr is, please let me know where to block him. he's not allowed to look at me online or in person. 
> 
> p. s . i want seugnkwan to take me on an in-n-out date so i can make sure he's eating real good these days. i would take him to the fckn soup plantation as well. 
> 
> like always, find me @citruseungkwan on tumblr if you wanna meet me

The actual process of recording “Fronting” didn’t take too long. The group of four aspiring rappers met up extremely early on a Saturday morning in order to read off their lyrics into the microphone and finally complete the track. The majority of the chorus and the final rap before the ending climax were already recorded by Woozi days before, in which Vernon had heard the teaser for the song earlier on youtube. It turned out that Jihoon went under the pseudonym of Woozi when it came to his covers and original songs that he uploaded online, and he even had a bit of a decent following among the other university students. It was also surreal as Vernon listened to only a snippet of the chorus and read the comments of anticipation left by people following the account. Having a few thousand followers expecting nothing but the best from Woozi made Vernon’s stomach start to twist up with nervous tension. The track didn’t even go public yet but people were already waiting for him.

Mingyu went in first to record. With someone like Mingyu, who always had such an abundance of extra overflowing energy, it was just best to let him go in first or else he’d be bouncing on the edge of his seat in anticipation and annoy everyone else. Having such high energy was actually a good thing most of the time. Mingyu was capable to enter nearly any room confidently and shift the atmosphere to his own liking, therefore when he fearlessly entered the recording studio and took control of the song, he could only get the guys just as pumped up as he was. Despite getting a little too excited and accidentally slipping up on his words sometimes, or stuttering when he got ahead of his pace, Mingyu finished up his whole recording in about an hour. When channeling his constant excitement into the right outlet, Mingyu could unexpectedly come off as a talented performer. 

In a way, if Mingyu was sort of the mood maker between all four of them, that would leave Wonwoo to be somewhat of a mood killer. That’s what Vernon had worried about in terms of incorporating Wonwoo’s precise and slow drawl rap skills into their fun song about dating. The type of flow that Wonwoo used for rapping was nearly monotone, resorting to using only the lowest tones that he could reach in the bottom of his throat to give off a sort of careless and smooth vibe to the lyrics. Recording a super lively Mingyu verse then to a mumbled one by Wonwoo seems like a bit of a drastic change, but Vernon grew less worried as Wonwoo continued rambling off line after line. Despite having considerably less energy than anyone else in the group, and generally coming off as rare to show exaggerated expressions, Wonwoo built the mood in a completely different way. Woozi had to speak up a few times and remind him to better enunciate his words, or put in a bit more expression, but his performance was rather solid all around. Vernon didn’t have any other way to describe it, Wonwoo was just simply cool. This type of calm and collected charisma was rare to find among the countless numbers of guys who just tried to fake it. 

If there was a possible way to mix the personalities of Mingyu and Wonwoo together, plus add a little more sweetness to the mixture, that would probably make up Seungcheol. Vernon didn’t know exactly why he was so charming in nearly every aspect noticeable, but he was the type of guy that all the guys looked up to and wanted to be at the same time. Without even bringing any paper into the studio, he was able to recite his lyrics off the top of his head without any problem. Confidently going through each verse and delivering every sentence off with a smile, as well as adding the perfect amounts of expression and charisma to his lines, Vernon noticed that Woozi never spoke to critique him even once. Jihoon’s eyes that darkened in concentration and searched for any possible flaw in Mingyu’s or Wonwoo’s raps were more relaxed than before. He could have sworn that he even saw what looked like a small smile of content on the smaller male’s features. Seungcheol himself spoke up to ask for a second try in order to see if he could improve himself even more than before, in which Jihoon just responded with a silent nod. Vernon didn’t think he needed to try again. The high level of skill and sheer amount of charm that Seungcheol had while performing was unbeatable. He was clearly on a different level than anyone else in the group. If it wasn’t depended on age alone, Vernon would consider him as their leader regardless. 

All three of his friends each had something special about themselves that made their performances stand out. But when Vernon tried to think about what he brought to their group, he kept on coming up empty. He certainly wasn’t the best at rapping, nor did he have enough energy to make the listeners excited, or have a particular vibe that came off as cool. Maybe he was just the token foreign member. To bring some of that Western influence into the group that other street rappers tried to imitate and leech off of. It didn’t exactly make him feel too good to be ‘that guy who can speak English’, but he was still happy to get the chance to pursue a new interest and get to record a song in the process. 

Vernon made his way into the sound-proof recording room, positioning himself before the microphone that hung from the ceiling as he stared through a layer of thick glass that separated himself from Jihoon. Almost as if the older male could pick up on his uncertainty of being in the booth for the first time, his voice resonated through some speaker above Vernon’s head. “Okay, Vernon, you can start by setting your lyrics down on the sheet music stand. Then adjust the microphone height to something that feels comfortable to you and we’ll start when you’re ready.” 

Wordlessly, Vernon responded to all of the instructions in a quick manner, not wanting to keep the professional waiting and also because his hands were kind of trembling anxiously and only seemed to move at an erratic pase. As he brought the expensive microphone equipment closer to his level and awkwardly started to lean over it, Woozi let out a small chuckle overhead. 

“Vernon, I hate to interrupt you but if you intent to record with your back all hunched up like that, you’re going to sound kind of strangled.” Jihoon informed him amusedly, finding Vernon’s complete uncertainty in the studio to be kind of funny. Beginners were always more interesting to work with. “This is a rap though. Try to relax as much as possible and feel the beat of the song. Focus on the lyrics and express your emotions through them. Just keep it as natural as possible and we’ll be all done with the song for today.” 

Despite having his senior give him some advice on recording, the words seemed to float right through one ear and out the other side. Nerves were getting the best of him. Taking a deep breath and shoving his trembling hands into the front pockets of his hoodie, Vernon took a single step closer to the microphone. With his eyes forcefully closed shut, trying to keep his voice from shaking with nervousness or cracking from over exertion, he put his full concentration into delivering the first phrase. It was just the simple English phrase about how some girl liked his rap and a few Korean words accompanying it to finish the sentence, but it was nearly one of the most difficult things Vernon had forced himself to do. To find his voice in front of a group of his peers that he valued and cared about their opinions in regards to himself, as well as a talented older senior who already had a popular online following. Working with them before was nothing but fun and games. This was the first time where it mattered. He’d either be in or left behind. 

The clicking sound of Woozi’s speaker above his head shook him out of his thoughts. “That came out exactly how we practiced, with a little bit of confidence and a slightly playful vibe to accompany the theming perfectly.” Jihoon gave him the feedback honestly, supportively smiling at him from behind the glass. “Unlike how the other guys read off all their phrases at once, why don’t we try something different since this is all new to you. I want you to read through the lines and stop every time where it’s natural to take a breath. We can work on things piece by piece instead of tackling the whole verse head on. Does that sound better?” 

 

Vernon let out a sigh, a deep breath he didn’t exactly know that he was holding slipping past his lips. “Got it. Feel free to stop me anytime you need to.” He called out to him, starting to compose himself in front of the microphone again, purposely trying to will his heart rate down to a more reasonable level before reciting the next of his lines. Despite pausing after every verse he read off and taking a second to look up at his senior for approval, Jihoon didn’t do much besides urge him on to the next one as he worked concentratedly at his computer. 

After taking a few minutes to go through everything Vernon had recorded for his verse, Jihoon spun his rolling office chair directly in front of the window. The deep and contemplative look in his eyes made Vernon feel like certainly he was going to pick apart something. Maybe he’d even trash the whole recording and make him start from scratch. Vernon physically had to swallow down a lump in his throat as the male spoke up. 

“These lyrics... they’re about someone, right?” Jihoon thoughtfully pondered, ruffling his fingers through his hair before putting his cap back on over the wispy pink locks. “I don’t want or need to know the specifics, but if they’re about someone, shouldn’t you be thinking of them as you try to convey your lyrics to them?” 

Vernon’s lips parted and closed again. The lyrics were written by him for sure, and accompanied with some suggestions from Seungcheol. Originally they weren’t meant to be about anyone. Just a fictional scenario that was written in thousands of different combinations of words in every love song out there. But as more time passed him by, those fabricated lyrics had gradually started to resemble his own personal life. And a certain person was starting to fall perfectly into those place-holder words that he had carelessly strung together. 

“Overall, the rapping was well timed and I don’t have much to critique about the pacing or pronounciation or anything like that, but I feel like I’m missing that something.” Jihoon emphasized, gesturing with his hands something that Vernon didn’t exactly know about. “You sound confident enough in your verses, and you knew exactly where to emphasize and which ad libs to throw in, and the overall emotion and tone of your words are fine. But if you can somewhat reach down deep into yourself and emote something truly special, I think you’ll go beyond my expectations.” 

Jihoon’s request wasn’t too much to ask for. To think about a special someone to make the lyrics seem more personal to him. But in order to follow Jihoon’s advice, that meant that he would be thinking about nobody other than Seungkwan. Normally, thinking about his roommate in that kind of way was something reserved for himself in only his privatest moments in the waaay back of his mind, and currently his whole group of friends were staring at him from behind that one piece of glass. He could already see a wild grin growing on Mingyu’s features and Wonwoo elbow him firmly in the side. 

“Kids, get out. You’re distracting my performer.” Woozi almost knowingly read his mind and spun around in his chair, gesturing towards mostly Mingyu but also towards Wonwoo as he pointed towards the door. “Wait in the hallway until we’re finished up here.” 

“Whaddya mean by kids?” Mingyu called back defensively, his voice shrill and raising higher as Wonwoo just got up with a calm sigh and started leading him into the hall. “Wonwoo’s nearly four months older than you. Don’t talk to a hyung like that! I mean, yeah, I am still a kid but he for sure isn’t!” 

Even though Jihoon wasn’t referring to Seungcheol being part of the distractors to Vernon’s process, he got up from his seat with an amused laugh, lightly patting Mingyu on the shoulder as he helped to usher him out of the room. “Jihoon, I think I’ll take them to the cafeteria for a quick snack break until you two finish up.” Seungcheol called out over his shoulder, glancing back between Jihoon and Vernon with a soft smile. “And remember, Vernon, try to speak from your heart when you’re recording it. This is a perfect opportunity to convey your feelings after all.” 

Taking all of the advice into consideration, Vernon was ready to record everything all over again with a new perspective. It took a bit of pacing back and forth around the room to work himself up to it, and chugging more than half of a water bottle to calm himself down, but Woozi let him take all the time he needed. Imagining himself saying all of these words to Seungkwan face to face was not something that he could ever imagine himself doing. Instead, in his mind he simply focused in on the thought of Seungkwan for some inspiration, bubbling up those blissful feelings that arose whenever he was in his presence. Before he could even realizing himself doing so, he was able to smile as each lyric made itself into a sound, forever embedding each emotion into a physical piece of music. 

Vernon took a few tries to get the right kind of natural mix of every type of criticism, his recording almost going over the two hour point as he focused in on getting every possible mistake fixed in later tries. But despite needing more time to record in comparison with his other group members, Jihoon kept his eyes locked onto either Vernon or his computer screen, diligently cutting apart the best selections from all of Vernon’s attempts and pasting them into one solid verse. Sliding off the headphones that he had been using to precisely pick apart Vernon’s words with, Jihoon let out a soft hum of approval as he finished up clicking away at the sound loops. “I think we found what it was missing.” He admitted sincerely, a smile of accomplishment on his face as he leaned in to speak to Vernon over the mic. “I also think I found where I intend to fit you in with the rest of the group as well.”

Vernon blinked a few times, wondering what he was getting at as he slid off his own headphones. “You mean like, my position? Or my appeal?” 

“Something like that.” Jihoon hummed back at him, resting his head on the palm of his hand as he smiled smugly. “You’re our youth.” 

“Y-youth? You mean like….the youngest member of the group or-” 

Resolutely, Vernon was answered by a single nod from Jihoon. “You’re the newcomer, our rookie in the team, but you’re the burning potential and blossoming emotions that we need to fully round out the group.” 

Without fully understanding the reasoning behind the concept that Jihoon was trying to label him with, Vernon accepted the words as a compliment, smiling brightly as he bowed his head down slightly in thanks for his time and effort spent working with him. “I guess, I’ll have to take your word and believe it for myself, huh?”

“Someday you’ll understand it.” Jihoon assured him like it was something that he wouldn’t realize until it hit him later, pushing himself up and out of his chair as he gestured for Vernon to follow him out of the booth. Making sure to grab his laptop in order to work on processing the vocals and applying them to the track later on at home, the shorter boy lead Vernon out to the hallway, where the other members were waiting for them. 

“Finally!” Mingyu mumbled out through sipping on a straw that was punctured through a milk carton, back slumped against the wall along with Wonwoo and Seungcheol who were in rather similar positions. “I hope he didn’t lecture you too much. Usually he only goes past two hours when he’s got a lot of complaining to do.” 

Wonwoo let out a snicker, moving to push his glasses further up his nose. “You would know. You’re the one usually holding him up and making all the mistakes.” 

Mingyu let out a mock gasp and Seungcheol just shook his head with a chuckle. “No more teasing. Now, let’s get back to business, guys.” The oldest member insisted, and when he spoke, surprisingly he had a natural way of getting people to listen to him. “I’ve discussed enough with Jihoon to know that as of next week, the song should be finished and ready to publish online.” 

“I’m pulling an all nighter so possibly it could be finished in a day rather than waiting that long-” Woozi interrupted and Seungcheol disapprovingly shook his head. 

“Genius can not be rushed.” Seungcheol clicked his tongue in reply before moving on. “So because this is a collaboration with Woozi and the four of us, we have to think about what kind of public image we want to make for a group. Just the two of us have been playing back and forth with ideas, and maybe it’s time to come up with a name for us. As in, what exactly are the four of us?” 

“If you’re that desperate to publish this song with your real name attached for online fame recognition, that’s fine as well.” Jihoon drawled out pensively, tipping his head to the side as he gazed off into the distance, deep in thought. “But personally, I choose Woozi to create some persona that’s more memorable than simply going by Jihoon. Maybe you guys could come up with a catchy group name to grab more attention with.” 

It was a good idea to go along with stage names. All four of them seemed to agree in unison as they went silent for a moment of thought, rapidly searching their brains for something unique and playful enough. Mingyu was the first to have a bright idea. 

“Woozi and the guys.” Mingyu snapped his fingers suddenly, beaming to himself as he nodded triumphantly from his good idea. 

Jihoon nearly groaned out loud. “Please, no.” 

“I thought it was pretty cool…” 

Wonwoo leaned forward from where he was sitting against the wall, his voice hushed like he was getting something. “We need something with meaning, like something cryptic with a hidden story behind it that can only be noticed after lots of theorizing. Something deep that describes us and our abilities perfectly. Something like…. The Buds.” 

“The Buds?” Mingyu repeated out loud to himself hesitantly, squinting his eyes as he tried to figure out the meaning in his head. “You mean like buds of weed or buds as in friends?” 

“They’re both horrible ideas.” Woozi judgingly commented, earning a laugh from both Seungcheol and Vernon in unison.

“I was going for buds as in blossoming flowers, you know.” Wonwoo emphasized, slightly rolling his eyes around as if that was the most logical explanation behind his idea. “We’re like new within the rap scene and all but with enough effort we could fully bloom and turn out to be something beautiful.” 

Seungcheol let out a low hum, keeping his hand in his palm as he thought about the idea for a moment. “I appreciate the meaning that you’re trying to put behind it, but it seems kind of… well, not suited for a group of guys like us. We’re not exactly a group of flowerboys. I’d consider us to be… just some average guys that keep it kind of gritty and real but still come off approachable like other college aged students.” 

“Vernon could be considered a flower boy.” Mingyu pointed out with a wink and pointed finger guns, making Vernon want to outwardly groan at him. 

“Seungcheol makes a good point though. We have to keep it relatable, nothing too out there or strange.” Woozi pointed out, completely ignoring Mingyu who was deciding to pick at Vernon a bit, currently pulling at one of his cheeks adoringly. “I do like the concept of sort of the ‘work in progress’ flower bud idea, it’s like you guys are gonna keep improving as time goes on. But can we find something more confident? Something with more of an impact?” 

Vernon had scooted himself away from Mingyu’s presence just a bit, moving away from all of his affectionate teasing touches in order to get back to business. With his hands stuffed into the giant pocket on the front of his hoodie, fingers absentmindedly playing around behind the material, he cast his eyes over to all of his teammates. They’d spent enough time together where reading expressions often came easily without words. All of them seemed a bit stuck at the concept, and so was Vernon. He wasn’t so good at this poetic wording yet. 

But something caught the corner of his eyes. On his very own hoodie, a small symbol contrasted against the dark black material of the sweatshirt, located directly above his heart. It was a single diamond. The symbol meant nothing to him but a status symbol, just an artificial marker on his clothing that made the brand popular in the street fashion world, yet for some reason he had a good feeling about this. 

Vernon cleared the back of his throat, finding his voice and speaking up with his idea. “What about… diamond? ” He asked hesitantly, pausing to judge the reactions of his friends as he watched them consider the thought. “With a little hard work and effort, and some polishing on Jihoon’s part, we could….um…really shine?” 

There was silence for quite a long moment. Vernon already had started to mentally question if he was being cheesy and stupid for bringing up the idea as well, but he received multiple eager nods and smiles in his direction. 

Woozi was perhaps only the stoic one out of the whole group, keeping his expressions and body language vague as he started packing up his things. “I’ve decided, that’s going to be the name of your group when I publish the song. I’ll include your real names as well but I think this concept is something we’d better make official. Feel free to message me if you have any last minute changes, but I really should work on finishing the song now so try not to disturb me.” 

So therefore it was decided. Jihoon went missing in action for more than twenty four hours, with no word from him or any social media activity that would prove that he was still alive. The anticipation of the progress on the song was nearly driving Vernon and the rest of the guys crazy, leaving them to constantly dream about all the possibilities that could happen when it finally dropped. It was practically the only thing they could talk about these days. They didn’t know exactly when Jihoon would be done working on the track, but Vernon was pretty sure he knew the exact moment when it happened.

He had been sitting in his second period class with Joshua, not the god damn 9AM biology class where they first met, but their 10AM history class that still seemed to be too early in the morning to function. Joshua had grabbed the usual seat beside him and started to scoot their desks only slightly closer together, not enough that the teacher would notice, but still close enough that they could whisper back and forth in English in case one of them got lost. Vernon flipped through messy pages of his notebook to find the last place that he had left off from last time, the clean white lines of margins ruined by scribbles of lyrics here and there. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed two girls enter the room and point in his direction, only giggling and looking away as he curiously brought his gaze up to meet them. 

“Um? Did you just... see what I just saw or did I imagine all of that?” Vernon slowly blinked to himself, perplexed as he turned to question Joshua, who only leaned into closer to Vernon and started grinning wildly to himself. 

“I did indeed just see that but what does that look even mean? Do you know those girls?” Joshua excitedly switched over into English in order to keep their conversation secret in the presence of the rest of their classmates. Being two international students from America, they’ve had to deal with multiple students come up to them and try to speak English before, so it was pretty clear that no one around them was at enough of a proficiency level to understand them like this. 

“No, I don’t know them at all. At least I think I don’t…” Vernon trailed off to himself as he allowed his eyes to follow the movements of the two female students, trying to search his mind for any possible interactions between them and himself before but coming up with nothing. “I’m pretty sure they just pointed at me and whispered something though.” 

“And not the kind of flirty kind of glance you usually get when people realize you’re mixed? And from America?” Joshua questioned out jokingly, earning a quick eye-roll in response from Vernon before continuing on, his own eyes moving across the room to check out the girls. “But all kidding aside, they just gave you that kind of look. The type of look where they want you to know that yeah, they’re interested, but you’re the one who’s going to have to do the pursuing first. Korean girls are like that. They like for the guy to chase them. Hey, which one are you thinking of pursuing? The one on the left is really pretty.” 

“Woah!” Vernon just let out an amused chuckle, shaking his head back and forth. “You’re gonna have to slow down there, Josh. Just because some girls in my class suddenly decide to pay attention to me, that doesn’t mean that I’m gonna like them back immediately. And why now, when the semester is nearly half over?” 

“A sudden case of love at first sight?” Josh’s shoulders just shrugged up wistfully, letting out a light sigh as he stared off at the girls in the distance. “If they’re that into dating an American guy, why don’t they ever notice me too? I swear, the girls in this school take just one look at your honey brown eyes and melt right in front of you.” 

“Thanks, I guess? But wait-” Vernon’s brows furrowed together, his mind finally picking up on the disappointment that was hidden in Joshua’s tone. “Um, aren’t you like… mostly into guys? Why do you sound like you wish it was you that they were interested in?” 

Joshua paused for a moment, resting his chin on the palm of his hand as he let out a small chuckle. “I’ve noticed your progress with Seungkwan is going a little slowly these days. I was waiting for some excitement and maybe now we’ll get to see some.” 

“What exactly are you… implying here?” Vernon slowly questioned out with squinted eyes. He knew his pace with Seungkwan was going quite slowly, and he’d been doing it on purpose actually. With all of the trouble that Seungkwan had gone through with his theatre production and getting lost in the process of recording his song, they were just too busy to focus on feelings and complicated things like that. “Also, why are you trying to get so involved in my love life-?” 

“You’re the one who came to me for help, so I think I’m allowed to suggest some solutions in terms of making things progress faster.”

He was right. There was nothing sarcastic Vernon could even think to reply with. “What kind of solutions are you thinking of?” 

“Don’t get me wrong, I think the type of guy who acts like a player is the absolute lowest of the low in terms of attraction. But I see nothing wrong with playing around with a little jealousy every now and then.” The smile on Joshua’s face resembled one of a feline almost, a smug grin that was laced with playful intentions underneath. “Why don’t you ask for her number or something? It’s harmless. Then you can bring it up to Seungkwan and gauge what kind of reaction he has. Show him you’re in the mood for a relationship these days.” 

As the idea floated through Vernon’s mind, he only found himself frowning deeper and growing even more against the idea. “That seems like a shit idea, in all honesty. Not to mention not fair to me, or Seungkwan, or even whatever poor girl I choose to get involved in this mess. With all this scenario talk, you sound more and more like Jeonghan as the days pass by.” 

“Yeah, I know it doesn’t seem like you. You’re too sweet for that. I was just playing around with possibilities in my head. But you know, jealousy isn’t too bad of a concept to try.” Joshua insisted, trying to defend himself in a way. “He doesn’t even know you’re interested in guys, so why not try to get close with an attractive guy and show him you’re up for anything?” 

“Oh, hell no.” Vernon groaned out loud, vehemently shaking his head back and forth as he was completely against the idea. “I’m not even interested in guys like that.” 

Joshua nearly deadpanned. “Vernon, I hate to break it to you… but Seungkwan is a guy too.” 

“I know-” He struggled to admit to his friend after one of the longest sighs he had let out in quite awhile. “But I think I must be broken or something because I’m literally only attracted to girls with the exception of Seungkwan. I don’t even know what would happen if I actually make a move on him. Will I suddenly panic? Will I kiss him and then completely feel nothing? What if I even feel gross after kissing a guy?” 

Joshua’s amused expression towards dealing with Vernon’s love life turned more reserved and gentle as he realized Vernon was kind of getting all trapped in his thoughts and worrying about things that were still far to come. “Hey, don’t torture yourself with all of those endless possibilities. You don’t need to cross that bridge until you’re completely confident in your decision.” The older male insisted supportively with a hand on his shoulder, trying to stop the thoughts from ruining too much of his friend’s day. “Let’s stop with all the love life talk for today. Hey, let’s even forget about those girls looking at you earlier if it’s only going to make things more complicated.” 

Vernon took a deep breath, pursing his lips as he stared down at the lyrics all over his notebook in an attempt to distract himself. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest, still worked up from those make believe thoughts about him and Seungkwan finally coming together. “I’ll have to confront it soon, I know that all too well. But as for right now, I want to enjoy what we have together right now.” Vernon admitted honestly, keeping his voice lower as he spoke from his heart. “Before it gets changed by my own choice someday.” 

Joshua was about to say something. The determined look in his eyes and his parted lips mean that it was probably something valuable as well, but his hand had slid off of Vernon’s shoulder suddenly. And his dark brown eyes shifted upwards to a presence hovering above their desks. It was one of the girls who pointed at him before. Specifically the one on the left who Josh labeled as quite pretty from just moments before. 

Vernon blinked up at her without verbally questioning anything, and she only leaned forward against his desk space, a coy smile on her face as she positioned her cell phone down in front of him. “Sorry, I’ve just got to ask- my friend was begging me to go and ask.” She started off with a slight bow of her head then shyly gesturing to something on the screen. “There’s a new song on Woozi’s soundcloud and the featuring lists somebody named Vernon in the mix. I was wondering, are you maybe the same Vernon that raps in the song?” 

Vernon felt his heart sink all the way to the bottom of his chest. The sensation made him feel like there were a million butterflies fluttering around in his stomach, enough to shake him away from his own world and forcefully throw him back onto the surface within just a second. In the time it took for him to find his words, a bright flush had spread all across his cheeks, finally allowing himself to nod slowly. “Uh do you mean you’re listening to ‘Fronting’?” 

“What? The song’s already out?” Joshua slightly whined out to himself before searching for his own phone, obviously going straight to listen to the song as well. “Why did none of you even mention it to me?” 

One of Vernon’s hands reached upwards, scratching at the back of his head bashfully as smiled softly to himself. “I didn’t exactly know it would come out today either, this is all a surprise to me as well… but to answer your question, yeah, I feature in the first rap section…” 

Although he was a bit taken aback and nervous to meet the girl’s eyes, he could tell how excited she was by the way her voice gushed with praise. “Oh, really? That’s so funny, that’s actually my favorite verse in the song. I really like how you rap like you’re speaking directly for the listener. You’re like total boyfriend material!” 

Vernon could only let out a laugh at that statement, earning an amused grin from Joshua as he elbowed him in the side. He didn’t exactly know how to reply to that, but he thanked the girl anyways and thankfully the professor finally arrived to class before she could say anymore. And thankfully before Joshua could even load up the song on his phone and attack Vernon with even more praise. Getting even a little bit of honest praise was still kind of a new concept to him, and he wasn’t sure how many more awkward body actions would be unleashed because of it.

The rest of the period passed slowly for the two boys. Mostly for Joshua, who was dying to finally listen to the song, but Vernon was also a bit nervous to step out into the crowded hallway of students. Would things change from now on? Would the students look at him differently within the crowd? Or maybe no one would even care at all? 

Teasingly, he tried to get away from Josh as soon as the lecture ended. Watching his friend reacting to his rapping voice while in his physical presence would only certainly make him start blushing all over again. So Vernon threw his class materials haphazardly into his bag, slung his bag over his shoulder determinedly, and booked it out of the room as fast as his legs could carry him.  
He didn’t get very far at all. 

“Hansol Vernon Chwe!” A signature voice that he would be able to recognize anywhere called out to him as soon as he stepped foot into the hallway. The sound enough was enough to freeze him right in his tracks. And possibly even enough to make his heart skip a beat. Then he was shoved up against the locker by an incredibly flustered Seungkwan, with his newly dyed bangs stuck against his head slightly with perspiration, and heavy breaths passing through those perfectly plump lips. 

With his back pressed up firmly against a cold metal locker, both of Seungkwan’s arms were placed on either sides of his abdomen, nearly pinning him against the surface without necessarily touching his body. Vernon gulped, face to face with a breathless Seungkwan that seemed almost as shaken up as himself. “Um….did you…run here?” Vernon blinked more times than necessary in awkwardness, his words slow and stammered from his shock at the moment. 

Before Seungkwan could let out a verbal answer, arms flung outwards and wrapped around Vernon’s neck, tugging him down to the older male’s level into a soft and warm embrace. “I’m slightly pissed off that you didn’t tell me when the song was going to be finished but I want you to know that I’m so incredibly proud of you right now and I’m almost on the verge of tears about it.” Seungkwan sincerely confessed with a delicate chuckle, pulling back only enough to get a look at Vernon’s expression through ever so slightly watery eyes. “I knew you could do it, but I didn’t expect how popular you would get practically overnight.” 

Vernon let out a soft hum of questioning, his head tipping to the side as part of Seungkwan’s sentence brought out some confusion to him. “Hmm, what do you mean that I’m suddenly popular overnight? I think only one person in my class noticed me in the song?” Although his voice spoke out to question his best friend, his mind was traveling elsewhere. As if almost in a daze, a hand reached out. Fingertips automatically craved to gently travel along the expanse of Seungkwan’s skin, to feel his warmth on such a personal level. To be there to catch any tears of happiness that threatened to spill over. 

Melting. That was the only feeling Vernon could get a grip on at the current moment. Despite the flocks of students hurrying up and down the hallways in order to make it on time for their next classes, his world only included the two of them. Time stopped. Or maybe it was spinning around them, with only their two beings in the center. Seungkwan was always over expressive with his feelings, with all of the good, bad, and everything in between. But now these elated feelings were directly caused by Vernon himself. Feeling solely responsible for making his roommate this proud of him and his achievements, Vernon was in pure bliss. So caught up in his melting heart that he actually allowed his hand to travel over that imaginary line of distance, the one he himself had carefully constructed between them before, the palm of his hand moved to cup Seungkwan’s cheek. 

He had expected the other male to flinch. To inhale sharply or maybe even jump back from the display of affection in public. To show a single sign that they had stepped over that invisible boundary between roommates and friends and acknowledge it out in the open. But perhaps it was even more disheartening to not notice a single reaction from Seungkwan. If anything, the gentle touch against his skin allowed him to calm down from his fatigue in running here before, pausing to take a deep breath as those beautiful eyes momentarily closed for a moment of peace. 

Enough to break the precious moment even more, Seungkwan was shortly back to finding his words, and like always, he was dying to tell Vernon everything all at once. “Hansol, I don’t think you realize how much the song has already spread around though. I only heard it for myself about ten minutes ago but you’ve already passed over 5,000 plays in just a few hours alone. By now I think maybe the whole school has found out about it and people are definitely talking about it. You didn’t even tell me when it was going to be released so I had to find out by hearing some other people in my class listen to it. I recognized your voice and nearly skipped class just to go and listen to it. I was like hiding in the bathroom and trying to get it to load on the shitty school wifi just to hear your part!” Seungkwan finished rambling on, his plump lips ever so slightly jutting out in a moment of stubbornness. 

Vernon let out a light laugh at Seungkwan’s amusing story, using the hand that was still placed on his cheek to gently pat at his skin. “Well, I should thank you for going through all of that struggle just to listen to my song. And maybe I should also say sorry for making you hide in a dirty bathroom stall just to hear it?” 

Hardly noticeably, receiving a bit of attention caused Seungkwan’s lips to protrude out only a little bit more, almost crossing into the territory of pouting now. “I think you should be sorry. You always told me that I was going to be the first one to hear it, but I feel like nearly the whole school got to hear it before me.” 

Seungkwan hated cute acts. In fact, when any of their friends tried to use them in Seungkwan’s presence, he would groan and roll his eyes and maybe even push them away. It was kind of ironic how Seungkwan swore that he hated cheesy things like that but currently this little of moment of jealousy or stubbornness was coming off as extremely cute as well. He was such a hypocrite. But Vernon liked it quite a bit. It fucked with his concentration and shook his mind off of holding a conversation with the male, and unintentionally made him stare at Seungkwan’s lips a little longer than necessarily but he definitely didn’t mind. 

“Well, I did kind of unofficially promise you that you would be the first to hear it…” Vernon tipped his head to the side, trailing off into thought as he bit down on his lip. “I mean, even I thought Woozi would send us a copy of the finished track before he uploaded it online so I was just as shocked as you were this morning. All of the sudden I had some classmates ask me about it and I felt like the world was gonna collapse from under my feet.” 

“Hansol, you have like 5,000 views on Woozi’s lyric video of the song. That many people know your name now.” Seungkwan insisted enthusiastically, moving his own hands to grip onto Vernon’s own in a moment of excitement, squeezing them affectionately as he found himself getting more and more hyped up about it. “Aren’t you excited? This could open up so many more possibilities for you!” 

Vernon just shrugged his shoulders up, letting his hands be played around with by his roommate. “Of course I’m excited but… I think reality hasn’t hit me yet. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that so many of Woozi’s followers are liking the song and spreading it around but it just doesn’t feel… real yet?” Hypothetically questioning out things, he earned a few nods in understanding from Seungkwan, his very own smile warmly starting to spread out over his features. “I mean, isn’t it good enough that I made a song I’m personally proud about and have you there to support me too?” 

Seungkwan just rolled his eyes around at the almost sappy question, but found himself unable to stop himself from grinning back at Vernon. “You’re too nice for your own good sometimes. But if it will make you happy, I guess I can be your first fan.” 

“My number one fan?” Vernon responded back somewhat teasingly as he pulled Seungkwan’s hands closer to his chest, beaming brightly down at the shorter male to the point where he felt his cheeks flushing with elation. “Forever and always supporting me?” 

Seungkwan’s nose crinkled in response to the teasing but found himself letting out a playful laugh in response. “I guess you could say that. But anyways, we’re ditching class for the rest of the day. We’re holding a party. You can not say no because the party is for you and all the other guys to celebrate the song release. I’ve been rapidly texting Mingyu for the past hour and he already sent me a list of things to pick up. Once again I should add, you can’t say no.” 

“Can I request something?” Vernon chimed in quietly after he was done speaking. 

Seungkwan hesitantly squinted in his direction. “....Depends.” 

“Please don’t make me dance.” 

“No promises.”


	11. crossing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the hip hop unit throws a party, vernon finds himself in a place he truly feels comfortable with, and late night conversations can sometimes turn really personal real quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i usually update on wed/thurs but it's a tuesday night.  
> i just had so much fun with this one that i went from 7k words to 10k words.  
> i'm very excited to see what you guys will say after you finish this  
> no more comments from me because I don't want to imply things...  
> but i like this chapter most so far. 
> 
> can i tell you a secret though?  
> some of you have already picked up on this, but i find it fun to hide some hidden details or meanings within my stories. if you think a line can be read between, chances are i tried to subtly imply something there. i never do so with vernon, but any other character could possibly have hidden details + storlines about them if you look closely enough.  
> they'll be fully revealed whenever the bonus stories get uploaded, but that's not going to be for awhile  
> ..... have fun speculating though?
> 
> like always, @citruseungkwan on tumblr if you need to talk about seungkwan as much as i do

“Pregame! Pregame! Pregame!” An overly enthusiastic Mingyu chanted out in English as he pushed past Vernon and Seungkwan right they entered his off campus apartment. Currently the large male had a massive punch bowl in his hands, a mysteriously colored orange liquid sloshing around and threatening to spill over. Vernon immediately felt his stomach lurch at the high school memories of getting smashed from the unknown contents of mixed liquor and sweet fruit juices. 

 

“Where’d you even learn that word from?” Vernon raised an amused eyebrow at his friend, letting out a laugh as he watched the male huddle over the bowl and take a sip directly from it’s contents. 

 

“From the movies! Like Magic Mike and things like that! Channing Tatum-sunbaenim always throws these amazing parties in his movies!” Mingyu almost innocently replied back, his eyes coming off as soft and youthful despite huddling over the large amount of alcohol. 

 

“That movie is surely a classic but please don’t get any ideas. There are certain things I never want to even imagine you doing, even if there is a lot of alcohol involved.” Seungkwan clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes as he leaned to take a brownie from a platter. Mingyu practically had to smack his hand away. 

 

“You probably shouldn’t. Wonwoo made those.” With words laced with hidden meaning, Seungkwan understood immediately and quickly withdrew his hand.  

 

“I can’t even drink more than a can of beer without getting trashed. Imagine how quickly one of those would ruin my night.” Seungkwan let out a sigh, pushing the plate away from his sight as he plopped down to sit on the couch. “I’m not even drinking tonight. I’m Vernon’s designated… friend? I’m certainly not a driver but someone’s gotta get him home.” 

 

“I’m not exactly going to go too wild either.” Vernon admitted, earning a shocked gasp from Mingyu. 

 

“This party is for the four of us to celebrate our debut!” 

 

After hearing the older male shreik out, Vernon laughed and just shook his head back and forth. “Beleive it or not, I’d rather keep my head clear enough to actually remember tonight. You know, making memories together and all that stuff.”  

 

“Laaaaame.” 

 

“Yeah, that sounds lame to me too.” Another voice joined in as someone leaned against Vernon’s shoulder, and according to the whiff of heavy cologne and alcohol that passed through the air, it could be anyone other than Jeonghan. As Vernon turned to greet him, he only realized how close the older male was now, the long blonde locks of hair tickling against the side of his neck. “Hi American boy.” 

 

“Um...” Slightly shy from the male’s close proximity to his face, Vernon tensed up as he was being leaned up against. “Hi to you too, Jeonghan.” 

 

A cupped hand found it’s way to his ear as Jeonghan lowered his voice to a whisper, his body unstably leaning against Vernon due to the effects of alcohol already hitting his system. “Where’s Joshua? I thought he was coming with you.” 

 

Vernon let out a light laugh and escorted him to sit down on the couch next to Seungkwan, who smiled friendlily in his direction. He knew they would be getting along together in no time. After all, they were both the social butterflies in each of their respective friend groups. “We invited Seokmin and Soonyoung too, they’re friends with Mingyu. Maybe you’ve met them before? Anyways, they’re all going to be coming a little later.” 

 

Distractedly, it seemed like Jeonghan’s attention had traveled elsewhere as he took a long look at the boy sitting next to him. A coy smile formed on his face as he scooted closer, an arm moving to slowly slide around Seungkwan’s shoulders. “Ooh, this is the roommate I’ve heard so much about, huh? He’s kind of cute?” 

 

Seungkwan let out a giggle, the apples of his cheeks rising up happily from the comment. “Yup, I’m the one who’s stuck living with Vernon.” 

 

Jeonghan let out a gasp. “No, he’s such a sweet boy! It shouldn’t be too hard living with him!” 

 

“But he is kind of messy.”

 

“Aren’t all roommates messy, honey?” 

 

As the two males were busy making fast friends with each other, Vernon decided it might be better to just let them enjoy talking amongst themselves instead of trying to join in. It wasn’t like he found it interesting to hear about their discussions about himself anyways. Some things he’d rather not know about. Making his way into Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s shared bedroom in order to hopefully find the other guys, he was greeted by a cloud of smoke as soon as he opened the door, making him want to cough and sneeze all at the same time. 

 

“Ay, it’s Vernon!” Seungcheol cheerfully greeted out to him from the doors of his closet, waving around a lit cigarette in between his fingers as he motioned for him to enter the room and close the door behind him. “This is the guy I’ve been talking about! Our newest and most promising member!” 

 

Vernon bowed his head slightly down as he was met by two new faces. Currently riffling through the closet and picking things off various hangers was a tall and lanky new figure, dressed in a black turtleneck and thick overcoat besides it already being spring. The thick silver chain around his neck and neatly styled bright red hair caught Vernon’s interest almost immediately. This guy could have easily been a model. The other male in the room, seemingly shorter and slightly younger than the rest of them was spread out lazily on Jeonghan’s bed, disinterestedly scrolling on his phone screen with his sneakers up on the bed. 

 

The model looking one blankly glanced at him over his shoulder, wordlessly picking out an expensive looking hoodie out of the collection of clothes packed into the closet and holding it out for him. Vernon just glanced between him and Seungcheol curiously as the oldest male let out a laugh.

 

“Minghao doesn’t speak much Korean actually, so that’s all you’re going to get from him.” Seungcheol informed him, taking the clothes from the new friend and passing them into Vernon’s arms. “He’s famous on instagram for his style so I asked him to come over and bring some of his rich kid clothes for us to try on. Think of him like…. our image maker.”

 

“I think the word you’re looking for is a stylist.” The other male responded back a bit sarcastically, not tearing his eyes away from whatever game or app he was busy with. 

 

“And that little punk right over there is Chan. He’s still a high school student but Jeonghan met him in the elevator one day because we live in the same building. He’s kind of adopted him or something? They’re rather attached to each other.” 

 

Chan reached out to take the cigarette out between Seungcheol’s fingers, slipping the newly lit bud in between his own lips. “Jeonghan  _ wishes _ .” He bit back with a grin, letting the smoke float out and watching it spiral off into the air distractedly. 

 

Vernon turned to Seungcheol with concern, blinking worriedly in his direction. “Should you….really be giving cigarettes to a high schooler?” 

 

“Can’t stop him. I’d rather have him do it safely under my watch than going out and sneaking around and buying cigarettes off some creep in the street.” Seungcheol replied with a shrug, reaching down to muss at his hair in an almost affectionate manner. “Besides, he’s going through a bit of a phase now.” 

 

“Fuck the system.” Chan simply replied and Vernon turned back to the clothes that had be thrusted into his arms earlier. 

 

Vernon held up a pretty simple looking black hoodie up to get a good look at it, nodding his head as he approved with the style and didn’t mind changing into it for the party tonight. That was until he got a look at the label and tag still inside. He was currently holding a name brand piece of designer clothing with the price tag labeled something over two thousand dollars. Almost comically, his eyes opened widely as he held the clothing closer to him to get a better look. “Um, are you sure I should actually wear this? What if I spill on it-” 

 

“There’s dry cleaning.” Seungcheol pointed out with a bright grin. “Really, Minghao is doing us a huge favor by letting us borrow his clothes. They say you’ve gotta look the part to act the part, so I guess we gotta fake it until we make it or somethin’ like that. Plus Minghao’s nearly got a million followers on instagram and weibo combined so even if we only post some pictures with him, I’m sure we’ll get even more hits on our song. It’s a win-win situation.” 

 

Hearing his elder explain things to him, he felt a little less concerned with somehow ruining the expensive piece of clothing, sliding it up and over his arms just to get a feel of the luxury. As he looked at his reflection back into the mirror, sizing up the way his plain jeans and vans sneakers looked all combined together, he was quite pleased with how he looked. In reality, the new hoodie was nothing too special but just the feeling of wearing something special made excitement boil up for whatever events would happen that night. 

 

About a half hour later, Wonwoo was the last member of their friend group to arrive. He had somehow lost the bet which required him to be the member in charge of picking up all the pizza deliveries, which he struggled with carrying almost ten boxes back to the apartment. Before the massive number of guests arrived and started to dig into the food, their friend group huddled around the pizzas ravenously, all of the hungry boys helping themselves and downing the slices as quickly as they could swallow. 

 

There was currently eleven of them. Vernon, Seungkwan, Seungcheol, Mingyu, Wonwoo, Jeonghan, Joshua, Seokmin, Soonyoung, and the newly met Minghao and Chan. Woozi wouldn’t be attending. Apparently large parties only made him nervous and they clearly weren’t his thing. Even though other members of their university, and especially the anticipated arrival of the girls, weren't expected to show for another hour or two, their closely knit group of friends were already getting loud and out of control. Whether alcohol was mixed in or not, they always tended to scream and fool around no matter when or where. 

 

“I have an idea!” Jeonghan announced, putting his half eaten slice of pizza down and starting to clap loudly in order get everyone’s attention. “Let’s play some games before the guests arrive! Truth or dare anybody?” His suggestion of the cliched game earned mostly a multitudes of groans, but a few excited nods of agreement there too, urging him to go on and point at a particular person to go first. “Lee Chan, truth or dare?” 

 

The chosen male looked up disinterestedly, speaking through a mouthful of pizza. “Truth.” 

 

“Lee Chan, who’s baby are you? Jeonghan’s baby or Seungcheol’s baby?” 

 

Immediately groaning at the dumb question, he vehemently shook his head back and forth. “I’m not gonna say it-” 

 

“You gotta! It’s truth or dare!” Jeonghan replied back in more of a whiny tone than he’d never be caught speaking in if he wasn’t drunk. “If you don’t do it, there will be a penalty and I’ll unfortunately have to punish you!” 

 

“.... Jeonghan-hyung’s baby….” The male grumbled out quickly and behind one hand to muffle his words, looking down as the rest of the group let out various sounds of “awws” and wild laughter. 

 

Jeonghan blissfully wrapped his arms around the smaller male’s shoulders, forcing him into an incredibly tight embrace and gifting him a wet kiss to the forehead in thanks. Ignoring the way Chan visibly wiped it off of his skin after, he eagerly moved onto his next target. “These two guys right here! You guys look pretty close, huh? Is there anything special going on between you two?” 

 

Soonyoung pointed back and forth between himself and Seokmin, who was currently half sitting next to him and half leaning against him at the same time. Almost defensively his body scooted away slightly, pouting as lips in confusion from the question. “What kind of special are you trying to look for? We’re just best friends.” 

 

“True or false!” Jeonghan decided to pick truth for both of them, completely forgetting the option of dare as part of the game as he over excitedly yelled out. “Have you two ever shared a romantic kiss on the lips before?!” 

 

“What the hell?!” Soonyoung practically screeched out, his eyes widening as he was completely appalled by the question. “Who even asks questions like that?” 

 

Seokmin seemed pretty unfazed though, currently dipping his pizza into a dipping sauce without much of a care. “You forgot to ask us if we wanted to choose a dare instead…” 

 

“Answer the question or we’re all going to assume yes!” Seungkwan practically sung out and earned a couple of laughs, finding himself getting just as worked up as Jeonghan was. He wasn’t even drinking tonight and he was already causing trouble within their friend group. 

 

“Seokmin, don’t you dare answer that or-” Soonyoung tried to stop him, his hand moving to clasp over the taller male’s mouth yet it was too late. Seokmin had already betrayed him with a shrug of his shoulder’s and a mumbled yes. 

 

“Fuck, I knew it!” Jeonghan grinned triumphantly to himself like he had won something but Mingyu and Seungkwan were pretty much the exact opposite. Currently they had matching expressions of mostly confusion but also a little bit of disgust. Who in the world would wanna find out that their two close friends had been secretly hooking up before? 

 

Mingyu’s nose crinkled up slightly in distaste. “Ew, this is like almost as gross as walking in on your parents fucking.” 

 

“We are not doing that-!” Soonyoung was quick to defend himself, his cheeks turning red hot against his pale skin. 

 

Seungkwan was more appalled rather than finding it distasteful. “And you guys never thought about telling us that you’ve been messing around with each other this whole time?” 

 

“We are not messing around either!” 

 

Seokmin let out a hearty laugh, finding the whole situation kind of hilarious actually as he leaned forward to explain things. “Listen, we’re not together like that and we never were. It was freshman year and we were really close and always spending time together, so that eventually raised questions for whether we liked each other or not. Then one day when we were totally trashed we tried kissing a little but it was totally weird and it never happened again.” 

 

“I don’t even think I’m actually gay!” Soonyoung yelled out again, unable to keep still as he rocked back and forth on his knees. “It was just a one time thing! You know, that college experimentation phase!” 

 

“Hm, that’s no fun… I was hoping for something more juicy. More scandalous.” Jeonghan admitted thoughtfully, resting his chin on the palm on his hand that had been propped up against his thigh. “Imagine if there were a pair of roommates in this school that secretly had a thing for each other, but only hooked up behind closed doors so nobody ever heard about it. That’s the kind of story I’m looking for.” The look on his face was almost devilish with hidden intent, causing Vernon to physically gulp. He had told the older male all about his infatuation with Seungkwan only a few weeks ago and currently he could slip up and expose him due to the effects of alcohol. 

 

“Didn’t you and Seungcheol fuck one time though? You’re roommates too so it’s like you’re talking about yourself.” Mingyu’s eyebrows furrowed together as he asked the question out loud within their entire group, earning a mix of gasps or complete silence from all the listeners. Seungcheol physically choked on his drink and spilt all over the carpet. 

 

Even though all eyes were on Jeonghan, the male wistfully draped his hair over his shoulder with a light sigh and answered bluntly. “That was when I was like a single day over eighteen and ready to make bad choices though. I practically threw away my virginity to him! Once I realized that it’s probably not a good idea to have a sexual relationship with someone who you only regard as a roommate, that was the end of that!” 

Seungcheol was completely red in the face but still leaned forward to prevent any more of this story spreading. “Great, now we all know it was a mistake and we both regret it a lot so let’s move on!” 

 

“Oh, don’t think I’m trying to imply that he was bad in bed or something-” Jeonghan added in quickly, just to clarify things. “It was pretty much the opposite. Seungcheol’s amazing. I would recommend it to anyone who is potentially interested.” 

 

A mortified Seungcheol his his face behind his hands, earning a sympathetic pat on the back from Wonwoo as he groaned out. “Can you please not talk about me like I’m an object or a piece of meat...” 

 

“Yeah, it’s really not an interesting story so let’s move on to the next person…” He started trailing off again, his eyes slowly making their way around the circle in search of a new target. “Boo Seungkwan, my cutie. Choose any person in this room right now to kiss. Who would you pick and why?” 

 

Seeing Seungkwan being the target of Jeonghan’s too personal attempt at a game made Vernon physically tense up in nervousness for a second. He felt an overwhelming urge to speak up and direct everyone’s attention off the sensitive male that he had caught quite a few feelings for. It seemed like Seungkwan didn’t need any help at all though. 

 

Almost in a coy manner, Seungkwan batted his long eyelashes in Jeonghan’s direction. “Honey, you know that I would rather not get involved with any single person in this room. I’ve got a set of standards to upkeep.” 

 

The confidence behind his words and the sarcastic tone of his remark earned a proud smile from Jeonghan who simply raised his red solo cup up to Seungkwan’s own. “Amen to that. I like a guy who doesn’t settle for any less than he knows he deserves.” 

 

And with that, their game slowly startled to fizzle out as random conversations started to break off into various tangents with little personal groups. Somehow the apartment had slowly grown in number of guests, from their original eleven friends to something most likely over a hundred people congregating within the apartment rooms and spilling out into the hallways. Luckily in an apartment complex to close to campus, parties were a pretty common occurrence and they didn’t have to worry about police getting called for noise complaints. College students were simple. They wouldn’t make any trouble as long as they could join in on the fun. 

 

Vernon was pretty sure that the original reason for throwing the party was to celebrate the song’s successful release, but it seemed like the other guys were more hyped up by the fact that they just had an excuse to throw a wild party. Other than specifically playing the song for the first time over the speakers to gauge their friend’s reactions and see how the other students though of it, they were pretty much separated from each other all night. 

 

Seungcheol was too charismatic for him to keep up with. He worked around the room with ease, greeting all of the guests, especially the female ones, and making sure everyone was enjoying themselves. If he occasionally had to stop for a little dance here and there, he would eagerly single out a new girl every time to get his flirt on. Vernon didn’t exactly know how he did it. Except he did at the same time because he knew how Seungcheol acted. He was dripping with confidence and he knew he was good looking. That’s just what made guys like him popular in the first place. 

 

Mingyu was a hot mess. Even in their regular lives he still was. He was practically all over the place, in between rooms and running back and forth with other excited students as they decided to try keg stands or see if they could jump off the second floor balcony without getting injured. His best friend Wonwoo was almost nowhere to be seen during all of this. He tended to stay in his room with a few other designated friends, particularly coming from the stoner crowd as they tried to keep their stash of substances between just themselves. Vernon even caught Chan sneaking in there a few times and grew more and more concerned with how bloodshot his eyes were turning throughout the night. 

 

Jeonghan was surely something. Vernon didn’t even know how to describe it with words. He always had the impression that Jeonghan was certainly like no other person he’d ever meet in his entire life and this was his proof for it. Similarly to Seungcheol, Jeonghan knew he was hot shit. He knew people wanted him, whether they were girls, boys, or anywhere in between. The alcohol had opened him up a bit more than he usually was during his playful times of flirting, causing him to occasionally sweep an unsuspecting girl up in his arms to tease around with, or a bit purposely grind up against a guy in the crowd of dancing students. Jeonghan had everyone at this party wrapped around his finger and he knew it. Joshua had kept a close eye on him just in case anything went wrong, and perhaps something did. Vernon picked up on his friend’s tense body language as he leaned against the wall, eyes locked onto the antic Jeonghan and his hand crumpling up the plastic cup in his grasp. Out of the corner of his eye he eventually noticed Joshua leave with Jeonghan in tow- something he’d have to ask about later. 

 

Vernon spent his night along with Seungkwan and his best friends. He definitely wasn’t a dancer. Not at all. But when Seungkwan tugged on his wrist and drew him into the massive hoard of students rocking back and forth to some trap beat, he found his head slowly bobbing along and his body loosening up. If anyone would question it later, he would blame it on Soonyoung’s passionate enthusiasm with dancing or the few drinks that he had in his system. Yet in all sincerity, he was actually enjoying himself greatly. The atmosphere was surprisingly fun in the company of Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Soonyoung, to the point where Vernon couldn’t remember himself having this much fun in such a long time. Even the quiet Minghao found himself getting wrapped up in their little group with an occasional dance battle with Hoshi. 

 

Despite being at a huge bustling party mostly filled with other students he didn’t know too well, Vernon had never felt so comfortable in his own skin like this. He had been to countless parties in high school, surrounded with other peers who knew his name and practically idolized him for his participation in the basketball team, but none of that could even compare to tonight. He might have only known eleven people at the party, and two of them being new friends he recently met in the same day, but Vernon was almost sure that this group of friends cared more about him than any single person he’d met in highschool. Not even his own teammates or the people he spent hours with on end. This was what he had been waiting for. That one group of friends that would unconditionally be there for him because they simply liked him. For no reason other than just liking him for himself. 

 

It’s what he’s wanted all along and now he finally had it. Maybe he even had more than he had been longing for all this time. Seungkwan was here too, and Vernon maybe considered that Seungkwan had been the most important person that he’d ever met in his whole life. He was radiant like the morning sun itself. Constantly bringing him nothing but pure happiness and never ending support, no strings attached and no conditions added, Seungkwan’s positive influence shined down on him at all times. He was the one who encouraged Vernon to get out there and make his own newfound future, to plan it all by himself, and Vernon was probably going to eternally grateful for that. 

 

And with the two of them pressed together on the crowded dance floor, in a cheap and shitty college apartment, surrounded by people they didn’t know from all sides, the only thing Vernon would remember was the way their bodies touched as they danced. The look in Seungkwan’s eyes that connected to Vernon’s own gaze as he tugged him in closer. Or when Seungkwan’s hands unskillfully moved to find Vernon’s own when the crowd threatened to separate them. And when it got late, the warmth that resonated from Seungkwan as he rested his head tiredly against Vernon’s chest. All of these moments would be treasured.

 

If Seungkwan was like the morning, than Vernon would undoubtedly be his night. 

. . . . . 

 

By the time the two of them returned back to their shared bedroom, it was that unusual time of being stuck in the middle of the night yet almost morning. Where everything located outside of those four walls didn’t seem to matter because their moods were still so high from the party before. The fun night was spent with all of their closest friends, good food, great music, and even better memories, but naturally they relaxed as soon as they arrived home. As their excitement from the night started to wear off, and eyelids grew heavy with sleep, that’s the magical time of night where guards are let down. Words start to come out. And lines are sometimes crossed. 

 

“You’re more of a partier than I would have imagined. I never thought you could dance kind of decently as well.” Seungkwan commented with an ever so soft chuckle, prodding at Vernon’s chest with a single finger with amusement laced in his words. “So much for making me promise you that I wouldn’t force you to dance, huh?” 

 

Their two bodies lay across Seungkwan’s bed. In a bit of a habit, they often ended up sharing the older male’s bed instead of settling for Vernon’s own. That was mostly because Vernon could get messy sometimes and leave his clothes or study materials all over his space, but he’d have to admit that he preferred Seungkwan’s bed. The sheets smelled almost identical to his best friend’s presence, a mix of soft clean cotton and enough citrus to rouse his senses. Vernon had grown to feel thoroughly relaxed whenever the scent hit him, stirring up a plethora of happy and cherished memories every time.

 

“If you get a couple of beers in me, then I might dance again. No promises though.” Vernon let out a laugh in unison with the presence he was facing, his head resting atop the same pillow as the older male. “I’d say you’re… just about the same as what I imagined you to be like at a party. You’re always dancing and singing anyways so it doesn’t really make a difference in the setting, huh? Not to mention you love to talk to anyone who’d listen to you anyways, so nothing new there either.” 

 

“See, this is why I told you I party better when I don’t drink! I actually have energy to make new friends and enjoy myself without wanting to sleep instantly from too much alcohol!” Seungkwan insisted excitingly as he made a point, his smile growing as he realized he was right about himself. “I really don’t know how your friends do it though. I mean, judging by reputation alone, I always knew that Seungcheol guy was going to be wild, but I’ve never seen anyone drink that much in my whole life without getting alcohol poisoning. Same with Jeonghan.” 

 

“Well, Jeonghan is…” Vernon struggled for the right word, head tipping to the side in thought as he could only sum it up in one word. “... a  _ character _ ?” 

 

Seungkwan let out a laugh, raising one hand to cover up his wide grin as he knew exactly what Vernon was implying. “You know, people at school often gossip about him and his lifestyle choices and whatever, even I used to think he was kind of cheap or easy to be dating people for money. It has implications behind it, even if it’s labeled as simply dating.” He started to explain, clearly differentiating the past from his current thoughts. “I’m kinda into it now? I see the way everyone looks at him even in a group full of people, and since he’s attractive then why not get some of that easy money too? Maybe I’d do the same thing if I was better looking-”

 

“No.” Vernon shushed him, shaking his head back and forth slightly. “You’re fine the way you are.” 

 

Seungkwan tried to bite back his smile yet he was betrayed by the way the apples of his cheeks started to rise up anyways. “I know, but that’s not what I meant. With a face like mine, I’m better suited for more of a cute boyish appeal. There’s no way I’d be able to pass as some kind of suave playboy like Jeonghan does.”

 

“I would say go and follow your dreams no matter what but um… please don’t ever do that. I think it wouldn’t suit you at all actually.” Vernon responded back with nothing but honesty, earning a fake mock gasp from Seungkwan. His hand traveled upwards to older male’s shoulder, giving him an entertained shake to get rid of the act. “Besides, we don’t need more than one Jeonghan in the world. If there would be no Seungkwan in my life, I think I would have died a long time ago. Things are always so much more fun with him around.” 

 

“Oh, shut up.” Seungkwan’s nose crinkled up like it always did when he was too happy, elatedly letting out a breathy laugh at the comment and reaching out to punch Vernon’s shoulder in response. “Besides, even if I did turn into a guy like Yoon Jeonghan, there would be more people in the world to ask all of the fun and awkward questions at parties. It could become pretty useful someday!” 

 

As a particular question from the party recalled itself in Vernon’s mind, he found himself growing more curious now that the two of them were alone. He could blame it on the alcohol from earlier but he certainly wasn’t drunk anymore, especially not after all the water Seungkwan made him drink to prevent him from dying and those snacks they stole from the party and ate on the way home. They weren’t in a group setting anymore and with just the two of them together, perhaps there would be a different answer this time. Vernon was meddling, nosy for sure, but he couldn’t help himself. That’s just what happened when feelings got involved. 

 

“Hey, Seungkwan…” Vernon started out slowly, casually trying to prod the other male for an answer in the most gentle way possible. “Remember that question Jeonghan asked you when we were playing around? The one about the kissing?” 

 

Seungkwan blinked unaffectedly. “Yeah. Why?” 

 

If it had been any other time of day in any other circumstance, Vernon didn’t know if he could have done it. Maybe he wouldn’t have been able to find his voice, or stop his cheeks from flushing, but something gave him the confidence to pursue it further tonight. Most likely, it must have had something to do with growing levels of exhaustion and lack of care holding up his guard. 

 

“You answered the question without a real answer. I know you probably did that because you don’t know some of my friends and maybe you didn’t want to create some kind of reaction but, well, hypothetically what would you chose if you had to?” Vernon questioned him, his own light colored eyes moving to Seungkwan’s own to prod out an answer. “If you had to kiss anyone in the room that night, who would you pick and why?” 

 

One of Seungkwan’s eyebrows raised in confusion, looking over at his roommate with skepticism in his gaze. “You didn’t believe my answer before when I said that I would rather not kiss any single one of them?” 

 

“Nah, I was just curious. For looks wise, or personality wise. Maybe I’m just trying to get to know you more by asking your type?” He was quick to explain himself, not wanting his intentions to be misinterpreted in the eyes of the friend he was most close with. “Don’t think that I was asking you just because I know you’re into guys and all that. I didn’t assume that you had to like some of the guys in our friend group just because you’re um, well, gay. Actually it’s not like that at all.” 

 

Even though he had tried to describe his intentions well enough, it seemed like Vernon would slip up on his words and end up backing himself up even more into a corner. Seungkwan picked up on it immediately, a teasing smile growing on his lips as he nudged Vernon’s side. “Hey, even if you wanted to ask about my ideal type guy, I’d be willing to tell you. We’re close enough now to tell each other our true feelings, right? Just don’t be weird about it and ask me directly.” 

 

“Sorry… It’s just- this is something I’ve never really approached talking about with anyone else before. It’s new to me so try not to be too hard on me if I fuck up sometimes.” A hand reached up to riffle through locks of light brown hair distractedly, and a sense of relief passing through his chest despite the slight flush of shyness that lingered on his cheeks. “But if you don’t mind, I would like to get to know you more, Seungkwan. Even about the things that might be kind of well, too personal to ask.”

 

Seungkwan shook his head insistently, a reassuring smile on his face as he rolled closer to Vernon’s side. “You know me, I’m an open book. Just ask away.” 

 

“Well…” Vernon started out again cautiously, withdrawing his eyes away from his roommate to stare at the pale blue sheets instead. “I kind of already asked you, didn’t I?”   

 

“Oh, yeah…” Seungkwan collected himself, lips protruding out slightly in thought. “So if I was in a room with you, Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Mingyu, Wonwoo, Minghao, Chan, Joshua, Seokmin, and Soonyoung, which one of them I would choose to kiss?” After earning a quick nod from Vernon, Seungkwan continued thinking momentarily until a long sigh passed his lips. “The answer is still none of them.”  

 

“But what if you had to choose just one-” 

 

“I’d rather….just not choose one at all.” 

 

“This is a hypothetical though, a would-you-rather, so choose one or… um you die?” 

 

“Then I’d rather die.” 

 

Vernon let out a deep sigh before he could stop himself, feeling unable to get through to him. “It’s not a hard question. I mean, you had like ten whole options to choose from.” 

 

“I didn’t want to choose any one of those names at the party because everyone would get all excited and make me actually kiss somebody...” Seungkwan mumbled out eventually, stubbornly keeping his voice to a low level as arms raised up to fold across his chest. “You know how people get wild at parties, always making their friends do stupid dares and lock couples up in closets and shit like that. I didn’t want that to be me.”  

 

Vernon’s eyes scanned over Seungkwan’s body and upwards to his face, noticing something on Seungkwan’s expression that he might have never picked up on before. Through slightly pursed lips, distracted dark irises, and the ever so modest shade of pink flushing against his skin, he had caught Seungkwan in a moment of shyness now. Vernon had made the extrovert become introverted, and especially with the way his arms were wrapped over his chest protectively, Vernon was slowly able to see through him. 

 

Almost as if he knew what answer he wanted to rouse from him, Vernon’s lips curved upwards in an almost knowing smile. “What’s so wrong with giving someone a little kiss at a party? It’s fun sometimes.” As his eyebrow cocked upwards in questioning, Seungkwan just rolled his eyes and looked away.

 

“Because that’s not what feels good to me. No offense to all your friends or anything, but I don’t want to hook up with any single one of them for a fun party trick.” 

 

They settled in silence for only a few moments. Vernon wasn’t sure exactly how long it was, but it seemed like Seungkwan didn’t have anything more to explain himself by. Letting out a long hum after receiving an imperfect answer, Vernon tipped his head to the side and gazed at his roommate scrutinizingly. “I might just be guessing wrong here but….why do I feel like…. maybe you don’t have much experience in this area? Have you ever, you know, been kissed before?” 

 

Seungkwan visibly faltered at the question, earning a soft chuckle from Vernon when he noticed how the older male glanced away at him almost instantly. “Hey, don’t laugh at me like that.” Seungkwan let out a whine of annoyance, stubbornly crinkling up his features as Vernon reached forward to ruffle at the soft blonde hair in a way to apologize for his laughter. “This isn’t America, you know. We don’t just walk up to people we like and suddenly kiss them like in the movies. The dating culture is totally different here.” 

 

“I won’t laugh again, I promise.” Vernon insisted with a toothy grin, holding his hands up in the air for a show of mercy. “I wasn’t laughing at what you said earlier by the way. I only laughed because you looked like a deer caught in the headlights.” 

 

This comment only made Seungkwan grumble yet again, swatting at Vernon’s shoulder playfully. “Well, it’s not by choice that I’m like this...” He mumbled out weakly in an attempt to defend himself. “I came out when I arrived in Seoul to attend college, so it’s only been a few months since I’ve been open to dating. I mean, I’m pretty sure that I kissed some girls back in pre-school on the playground during those fake childhood weddings but obviously that does not count.” 

 

“Nah, those times definitely don’t count. Besides, since you realized you were into guys quite a while ago, I think it’s fine to void out all of those girls anyways.” 

 

Seungkwan didn’t listen much as he continued fending for himself, rambling on to clarify things for Vernon’s understanding. “It’s not that I think I’m not physically attractive either because that’s certainly not the case. With all of the theatre schedules and practice time I have to put into the musical every semester, there’s just not enough time to go out on dates and meet new people.” 

 

Vernon couldn’t help himself from letting out a soft laugh again, seeing Seungkwan go through so much effort in order to explain all of the reasons why his time hadn’t come yet. Almost like he felt like he was falling behind with things and rushing to keep up with other students his age. In an attempt at reassurance, Vernon allowed his fingers to mess through Seungkwan’s hair again, playing around with the soft strands habitually. “There’s no need to rush things, Seungkwan. Everyone has their own time. It will come when it comes.” From the relaxing touches, Seungkwan’s eyelids fluttered closed. Vernon couldn’t help but to watch as his long eyelashes daintily rested upon the soft expanse of his cheek, only admiring with his own eyes. 

 

A breathy sigh passed through Seungkwan’s plump lips, nodding his head under Vernon’s touch. “I’ve heard that from many people before but in all honesty, I can get greedy for affection sometimes. I’m sure you’ve seen it before. I can get kind of fussy when I don’t feel appreciated enough for my talents, or when I feel like I’m not getting enough attention.” Seungkwan admitted about himself sincerely, biting down on his lip as he realized it wasn’t something he was too proud of. “I just want to be loved like everyone else does, but sometimes I think my over the top personality drives people away. I’m kind of a lot to handle, huh?” 

 

“Nah, I never thought that. Not even once.” 

 

“Well, you’re my roommate. You were forced to spend so much time with me that you probably got used to it.” 

 

Vernon noticeably frowned. “I still never thought you were too much to handle-”

 

“Shut up-” Seungkwan laughed out and lightly punched him in the chest, or at least he almost did. Before his balled up fist could fully make contact, Vernon withdrew his hand from playing with the male’s hair and gripped around Seungkwan’s instead. Keeping his clasp around the tan hand that was noticeably smaller than his own, he allowed the hand to fall against his chest and rest in time with his slowing heartbeat. 

 

Vernon was also in high spirits from the night they shared before, continuously smiling from their back and forth banter as his fingertips freely traced over Seungkwan’s knuckles. “Hm, so let me ask you another hypothetical question while we’re on the topic.” He started off again with a playful grin on his lips, leaning towards Seungkwan who simply challenged him with the raise of an eyebrow. “Let’s switch the question around a little. If there was someone there at the party that you would want to give a kiss to, in private and on your own terms, who would it be and why?” 

 

“You’re persistent with this, huh? You want to tease me or something? Boo Seungkwan can not be shaken up too easily.” Confidently, Vernon’s roommate responded with an equal grin of mischief on his face, most likely going to turn the question back on to him later or ask something even more embarrassing. “Okay, so... Seokmin and Soonyoung are a definite no. They’re like brothers to me so just the thought of even kissing them is really gross to me- same with Mingyu too.” 

 

Vernon’s eyebrows furrowed together, shaking his head with a displeased look. “Yeah, I’d rather not picture that either.” 

 

“Then Chan is an absolute no, I only met him tonight but he’s way too young for me to even consider. Wonwoo is… too quiet for me. We wouldn’t be a good match. I just met Minghao today but I feel like he think’s he’s hot shit because he’s got money. Joshua, hm, he’s kind of cute but I can only see him as a close friend or a brother as well.” Seungkwan continued listing on, stopping to recall the last few names. “So I guess that narrows it down to Jeonghan, Seungcheol, and Vernon.” 

 

Vernon nodded readily, still patiently listening  but finding himself anticipating the answer more than before now that his name was included. His heart raced ever so faster. “So, what’s the final decision?” 

 

“Jeonghan is attractive, don’t get me wrong on that, but I’m not exactly the type to get involved with a guy who gets labeled as the university’s number one player. Not to mention he’s too pretty for me and I’d probably try to compete with him for attention. Seungcheol would be an interesting choice as well and I swear to god, it looks like he flirts with everyone he talks to, including me myself, so I think he’d be kind of a player too? Not to judge by behavior alone, but I’m pretty sure when he was a freshman here, he was the one who got Jeonghan onto the whole ‘paid dating’ thing because he used to do it himself. Maybe it’s just a rumor though?” Seungkwan’s ramblings stopped to check Vernon for an answer, only receiving a shrug in response. 

 

Vernon stared over at him with an expectant gaze from his own side of their shared pillow, squeezing the warm hand in his own to get his attention. “Now why is Vernon in the reject pile as well?” 

 

Seungkwan’s lips parted open, then slowly closed again. His eyelids squinted slightly as he tried to reason with himself inside of his head, causing himself to go into a deeper thought process than necessary. Vernon let out nervous laugh secretly disguised as an amused one, only squeezing Seungkwan’s hand yet again in order to stop him from thinking too much. “It’s not a hard question. I promise I won’t get offended if you tell me the truth.” He found himself speaking before he could even realize what he had agreed to. It was bound to be an empty promise in the end. He was too sensitive for his own god damn good. 

 

“Vernon is….” Seungkwan started out carefully, smiling to himself as he let out a soft sigh and started listing. “He’s my best friend. The best roommate I could ever possibly ask to be paired with. And he’s also too good to me. He knows exactly what to say or do to make me feel better when I’m feeling down. And he’s always there to go along with whatever trouble I want to get into in the spur of the moment. Or even when I don’t want to do anything, he’s fine with sitting next to me quietly and not forcing me to speak because he knows I’m comfortable just sharing company with him. Vernon is… pretty great I think? I’m almost certain that I’m happy I met him.” 

 

Seungkwan ended his explanation about the person next to him with a small laugh, the slight embarrassment in spouting out so many compliments right to the person in front of him making him shy. He had tried to distract himself by staring at the ceiling instead, shifting his gaze over every single tile or stain on the ceiling, but shortly after, two strong arms wrapped around his form and pulled him tight into an embrace.

 

Vernon’s heart was kind of completely elated. He felt so warm inside that he could have sworn this was a completely new kind of level of happiness. Almost to the point where he was drunk off of affection or something cheesy like that. His body just kind of lurched forward and took the other male into his arms in an attempt to spread some of this joy that he was overflowing with. Maybe body language alone could show Seungkwan how much those words meant to him. 

 

“I don’t think you’ll ever hear these words out of my mouth ever again, Boo Seungkwan, so you better listen up now.” Vernon made himself clear, his smile evident through his voice even though his face was currently muffled against Seungkwan’s hair. “You were so fucking cute just now and I don’t think I can handle it if you ever do it again” 

 

“I get that a lot.” Seungkwan just responded back simply, the two hands that had pressed against Vernon’s chest during the hug pushed back a bit to talk with him more, examining his expression before he spoke again. “As for the question, you’re rejected because you’re too good for me- and not to mention completely straight. I would never want to make you feel awkward by my orientation or anything like that.” 

 

Vernon paused. He felt his heart physically sink to the bottom of his chest. And maybe he felt a little sick as well. 

 

Noting how careful the other was being in his presence, the soft and gentle smile on Seungkwan’s face made his emotions fluctuate up too high and back down low in a sudden mood swing. Nervousness bubbled up in the bottom of his stomach, even making him feel incredibly nauseous for a second. Here was that imminent opportunity he’d been waiting for. That fated chance to cross over those carefully planned invisible lines. The decision that could finally shake everything up. 

 

“Seungkwan-ah…” Vernon’s voice nearly cracked as he called out for the other, earning an almost immediate change in expression in the other male as he blinked upwards in concern. 

 

“...Did I….say something that hurt you? I didn’t mean-” 

 

“No, it’s not that- I…. I….I’ve been thinking a lot lately and…” He stammed out, swallowing heavily in order to clear his drying throat due to his nervousness. “… I think I’m not exactly all that straight.” 

 

All he received in response was a slow blink. Then a warm smile from Seungkwan that seemed to be working magic for finally calming down his heart. “So you’re exploring the possibility that you might be bi then? That’s interesting and I’m glad that you’re discovering more parts about yourself. I went through it myself so I can always relate if you need to talk about things!”  

 

Longing for the answer distracted most of his mind, completely tearing his mind away from the fact that he just confessed the change in his sexuality out loud for the first time. When it came to flirting, Vernon surely had a one track mind. “So now back to our original question. You can cross the whole being straight part off you list of reasons to disinclude me from you original answer.” Vernon pointed out with a small awkward laugh, feeling himself getting closer and closer to pressing a solid answer out of the other male. 

 

Seungkwan let out a hum of realization, tipping his head to the side with a resolute nod. “Mhm, that seems to be true now. I guess we could officially cross that one off the list.” 

 

“What was that other reason again?” 

 

“You’re too good to me.” 

 

“Well, I think you’re too good to me too.” Vernon added back, his voice coming out more quiet than usual as he found himself frowning for some reason. He didn’t exactly like the words that came out of Seungkwan’s month. It was almost like he didn’t think of  _ himself _ worthy enough, nothing to do with Vernon at all. 

 

“Which is exactly why I wouldn’t choose you as part of the options. Therefore the answer still remains as not a single person there at the party. The end. Story closed. Conclusion has been reached.” His roommate concluded triumphantly, smiling to himself as he had finally gotten rid of the question. 

 

Vernon’s frown deepened, his heart slightly aching in his chest. “Wait, what’s so wrong about actually treating you right?” 

 

He quickly shook his head. “There’s nothing wrong with it.” 

 

“But you make it sound like a bad thing.” 

 

Seungkwan looked at him incredulously, fluttering his eyelashes at him in a way that made Vernon subtly want to shift his body closer to him. “I only listed that as one of the bad things because that’s not something I’d want to ruin because a stupid kiss.” 

 

Vernon paused. Physically, his heart was pushing so hard against the confines of his chest that it was almost painful. Inching closer only enough to let his forehead bump against Seungkwan’s own, hesitantly testing the waters by resting there, Vernon’s voice dipped down to only a whisper. “What if it wasn’t just a stupid kiss?” 

 

There was silence. Nothing but the occasional bump from the floors above and below them. And perhaps the audible thumping of Vernon’s heartbeat loud enough to echo off those four walls.

 

Seungkwan’s next words cut him deeper than he had been expecting. “Vernon, just because you’re having some thoughts about possibly being bi-sexual these days doesn’t exactly mean I should get involved with your exploration process just because I happen to be gay.” 

 

“I wouldn’t- I mean I would never-” Vernon responded back quickly in defense of himself and his intentions, frustratedly tensing up his body as he found himself tripping over his words again. “Shit, I mean… hypothetically, like in terms of that question, there doesn’t seem to be any solid reason against um, not choosing me. So if you ever felt like you wanted to… I would be down...I think… possibly.” 

 

“Chwe Hansol, are you possibly implying that you want to kiss me?” Almost astonished, Seungkwan’s eyes widened at him in questioning.

Vernon gulped. It was necessary to take one of the deepest breaths that he ever did in his whole life. And it also took everything he had in this body to resist the urge to spin around and hide his face in the pillow. “I think... yes?” His reply came out more skeptically than he had intended, earning a raised eyebrow from Seungkwan. 

 

“You think yes?” 

 

“...Most likely yes.” 

 

As almost still doubting him, Seungkwan leaned closer and inhaled deeply as if he was searching for something. “Are you sure you’re not drunk right now?” 

 

“No- I didn’t even drink that much and you made me eat enough so I would be able to walk home safely.” 

 

“So you’re..…. not drunk?” 

 

Vernon raised his hands upwards to hide his face and flushed cheeks, a long defeated sigh escaping his lips. He hated how his face could always expose his true feelings before he could even put them into words. It was the ultimate betrayal. “No. Not at all Seungkwan, and I was being completely serious with you. This isn’t even a joke or a game or anything fucked up like that.” 

 

Seungkwan didn’t laugh at him like he had expected. He didn’t scoot away or suddenly get up and retreat to the bathroom either. There was just a soft touch on his cheek, the feeling of Seungkwan’s palm gently caressing over his skin. Vernon was ashamed of himself. He was far too clumsy with his words and he got too nervous about the stupidest little things, nor could he express himself as much as he wanted to. But all of that seemed to disappear as the shorter male used his delicate touch to pull Vernon’s gaze back to his own, dark brown irises meeting with honey brown ones. 

 

“You’re practically burning up under my hand, Hansol-ah.” Seungkwan let out a small laugh, not one of teasing but one of a bit of surprise at the realization. Their foreheads were still close together, skin against skin, and Vernon most likely only flushed even more after realizing Seungkwan could feel it as well. 

 

“Sorry, I’m just really fucking awkward all the time and it’s frustrating me and-” Vernon’s sudden explosion of thoughts was enough to cause Seungkwan to place a single finger over his rambling lips, instantly shutting him up and causing every single thing in his body to simultaneously shut down as well. 

 

The warm eyes that stared into his own made him feel like he was melting, the gradual smile rising up on Seungkwan’s lips being enough to placate him for the time being. “I know you have good intentions, Hansol. There’s no need to prove yourself any further than you already have.” The voice that spoke to him was almost melodic to his ears, grasping every single nerve in his body and forcing him to put all of his attention onto the male. “That’s why… I think that’s why I would choose you to be the answer to my question.” 

 

Vernon’s reply was nearly silent, almost so much that any sound higher would somehow break whatever fragility that made up this moment. “Then... can I ask you another question?” 

 

“Hm?” Seungkwan urged him own, the slow blinking of long eyelashes causing Vernon’s heart to stir even more with craving. 

 

“If I said I really wanted to kiss you right now, what would you say?” 

 

The male’s fingers that were currently resting on Vernon’s cheek faltered slightly, stopping in their tracks from the gentle caresses and ever so slightly shaking with timidness. “I wouldn’t… say anything...” Seungkwan finally responded back, and Vernon watched him stop to take a deep breath as almost tantalizingly, his dark eyes shifted down to Vernon’s own awaiting lips and then back to his eyes. “...because I think I would be waiting for Vernon to make the first move.” 

 

Seungkwan’s hand was already on his cheek. Their foreheads were already pressed together. Vernon only had a short distance to cross in order to meet the pair of lips that he had been given full permission to taste, but in reality it was a much more dangerous line to cross. Things would be different from now on. Feelings could get messy and tangled up within this moment of pure physically attraction. Or of mutual curiosity towards each other. Whatever it was that simply drew their presences together. 

 

With the slight tilt of his head that caused the tips of their noses to barely touch, and a deep breath of air that had somehow mingled with Seungkwan’s own oxygen, Vernon’s eyes gazed questioningly into Seungkwan’s own.This closeness was something he’d remember for the rest of his life. The first time he felt so nervous to kiss somebody before. The first time he’d kiss another boy. The first time he’d kiss someone that was also supposed to be his best friend. He’d treasure the tension in the air, the beating of his heart that was louder than ever before, or the light puffs of the other male’s air that ghosted over his own skin. He spared a few seconds as he settled in against the pillow. Pausing just in case the other male wanted to change his mind or realize how much of a mistake they could be making. But Seungkwan didn’t falter at all. 

 

Seungkwan used nothing but his fingertips. Sliding down Vernon’s soft pale cheek that contrasted greatly against his own tanned skin, he settled for tracing down the delicate outline of Vernon’s chin instead. Completely beautifully and using only those fingertips, Seungkwan guided Vernon’s lips to exactly where they needed to be, and that was to be placed right up against his own. Awaiting lips touched hesitant ones in a kiss of mutual exploration, nothing more until Seungkwan allowed his eyelids to slip shut in complete comfort from their actions, their two hearts settling down and falling into a shared rhythm. 

 

It was just one kiss. With Vernon being afraid to touch Seungkwan like he was too fragile for his own selfish intentions, the subtle deepening of the kiss was only Seungkwan’s choice, pressing his full lips more resolutely against Vernon’s own. The sigh of contented bliss that Seungkwan expelled against his own awaiting mouth sent pleasant shivers down Vernon’s spine, naturally begging him to make a move or respond to the kiss deeper but this was certainly enough to hold him over for the time being.  

 

Wordlessly, his arms wrapped around the smaller boy’s form again, pulling him flush against his chest and feeling more closely connected by the simple hug than ever before. Fluctuating heartbeats had slowed down gradually as the need for sleep was starting to creep up on them, distracting from the nervous excitement they had shared only minutes earlier. The night eventually had to end, and there was probably no other place Vernon would rather be than exactly right here. 

 

So much for carefully treading over that invisible line. 


	12. kissing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungkwan and vernon share a morning together after the party's events, an unexpected confession from joshua occurs, and a new oppourtunity for the hip hop unit arises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for coming back for the next chapter of our twenties!   
> i've noticed that last time i got quite a few new readers, so i'd like to thank all the new readers for joining in and i'm very happy to read the comments you've left me! 
> 
> i think a lot of people are finishing up their semester around this time, right? i'm almost done as well but i don't have many left over assignments so i should be able to update as usual for next week without any issue! i'm leaving for korea in two weeks though so i'm not too sure how the plane schedule will affect my posting times. either way, i hope all of you can focus on your studies and final exams so you can hurry and enjoy summer break as soon as possible! try not to read too many fics until everything is done, huh?
> 
> like always, i love seungkwan a lot and if you wanna adore him together with me, find me at @citruseungkwan on tumblr

Vernon and Seungkwan had an average Sunday routine that always consisted of the same things. His roommate would wake up at some ungodly hour. Then he’d prepare to go out shopping for enough groceries to get them by for the week, leaving Vernon to peacefully sleep in until some more reasonable time in the afternoon. Seungkwan would eventually wake him when he returned, only stopping by the room to drop off the bags before heading off to some trendy cafe to study at. Usually Seokmin and Soonyoung went along with him, and Vernon didn’t mind getting left behind at all. They spent enough time together during the week so he wouldn’t get too bored if Seungkwan was gone for a few hours. Then once all of the homework assignments were finished, maybe the two of them would be able to fit in a movie or a few youtube videos before bed time. Those were the times where Vernon could pretend to act a little bit tired and allow his head to flop down on the male’s shoulder, then ever so slightly allow himself to prolong their contact by just a few more minutes. It was an ordinary, repetitive kind of weekend routine but Vernon would probably never get tired of it. 

 

Today wasn’t like one of those typical Sunday mornings though.  

 

They were still in bed. That could happen sometimes if the week was exceptionally busy or they stayed out too late on one of Seungkwan’s adventures. Except what currently differentiated from the usual was that they weren’t sleeping in their own beds. They were together on Seungkwan’s, where currently Vernon was spooning the male from behind and had two protective arms wrapped around him. His cheek was completely pressed against the back of Seungkwan’s head. When his roommate started to attempt to stealthily start to sit up, the soft blond hairs tickled against Vernon’s skin and caused him to wake up from his slumber. He hadn’t slept this well in such a long time. 

 

Resembling a clingy child, Vernon’s arms only tightened more around the smaller male’s stomach to prevent him from getting away. “Where are you going?” His voice almost came out as a whine, the sleepiness pushing away some of his normal inhibitions with showing affection. “Stay with me. Five more minutes, please.” 

 

He heard Seungkwan let out a heavy breath of air, like he had sighed deeply or something, but when he finally cracked his eyes open he was able to notice the small smile pass on Seungkwan’s lips before he started complaining. “I’m dying to take a shower though. My hair feels all greasy and gross because of all the smoke in the air last night. I can practically smell the smoke on you too.” 

 

“I don’t mind it. I’m used to Seungcheol and Jeonghan smoking around me anyways.” Vernon mumbled out, still trying to wake himself up fully with a few slow blinks. His arms were seemingly moving on their own will, pulling the almost sitting up Seungkwan back into the position they had been sleeping in, with Vernon as the big spoon to cradle Seungkwan from behind.

 

Seungkwan let out an amused chuckle as he allowed himself to be pulled back into the comfortable embrace, allowing for a few more minutes of lazy rest before officially starting the day.  “If you start smoking with them, I’ll be forced to kick you out of this room. I can’t have my vocal chords getting all clogged up with that smoke smell everywhere.”  

 

Vernon let out a small and wordless laugh at the comment, knowing he was being completely serious but still joking around slightly as well. Pleasantly enjoying the slow start to their morning and doing so in such an affectionate manner, Vernon let his cheek squish against the expanse of Seungkwan’s back, nuzzling himself against the other male under their warm covers. “Hey, can you do me a favor?”

 

“Hm?” 

 

“Before you go and take a shower, can you just like- stay here instead?” Vernon found the corners of his lips rising upwards from his cheesy question, being able to perfectly predict the judging look on Seungkwan’s expression before he even turned around in the hold to face him. 

 

With one eyebrow raised upwards but with a laugh spilling from his lips, Seungkwan lightly pushed at Vernon’s shoulder. “You want me to stay? How much longer do you need? Six minutes instead of five? I think I could maybe manage that if I adjust my schedule around just a little bit...” 

 

Vernon smiled back at him with nothing but pure bliss bubbling up in his stomach. Those nervous butterflies that had always tortured him in Seungkwan’s presence had turned into more pleasant ones instead, filling him with a sense of excitement for the future things that would happen between them instead of worrying about those empty possibilities that weighed on his mind so much before. He allowed himself to bump his forehead with Seungkwan’s own, eyes slipping shut as he let out a calm sigh. “I was hoping to settle for like ten, but I suppose that will do.” 

 

“Well, I have to get started on all of my assignments a bit early than usual this week so I can’t afford to lay around in bed all day. With the musical coming up soon, I’ll need all the practice time I can get.” Seungkwan blinked a few times as he watched Vernon settling in to relax again, his lips protruding out slightly as he waited quite a long time for an reply but got nothing. He considered Vernon maybe fell asleep again, raising a finger up to poke at his cheek to get his attention. “What about you? What’s your plan for today?” 

 

“Uh….sleeping?” He replied like it was the most obvious answer ever. “Oh- actually I was thinking of stopping by Joshua’s room too because he wasn’t answering my texts last night.” 

 

Seungkwan suddenly smiled almost deviously, lowering his voice down to a whisper even though they were alone in their own room. “Ooh, do you think he brought someone home from the party last night?” 

 

Vernon nearly scoffed. “I really doubt that. I bet he just passed out as early as he could last night in order to prepare for Sunday’s early morning church sermon.” 

 

Responding back with a playful snicker that matched Vernon’s own, Seungkwan’s nose scrunched up like it usually did when he found something to be funny. It was little subconscious habit that Vernon had seen enough times to find quite amusing and also kind of adorable. Before he could really stop himself, whatever kind of adoration and overwhelming cuteness that had affected him nearly forced himself to lean forward and place a peck onto the tip of the male’s nose. It seemed like such a natural thing to do. 

 

Seungkwan’s eyes widened with shock. Vernon felt his cheeks swelling up with a hot pink flush as soon as he fully realized what he actually did so unrestrainedly. The reminder of what happened last night all so suddenly seeming palpable all over again. He practically felt his own lips throb in remembrance of how Seungkwan felt. The playful mood from only seconds before seemed to drift away in a mere second as real feelings started come to light again.

 

One of the arms that Vernon had draped over Seungkwan’s side faltered a bit, moving away from the male’s body in case he had somehow crossed over another one of those imaginary lines they hadn’t dealt with yet. “Oh shit, uh…” Vernon pursed his lips together in a moment of stress, tearing his gaze away as he found himself awkwardly unaware of what to do with his hand now that he had withdrawn it. “If you didn’t like that, I’m sorry and I know I probably should have asked first but my body- um shit, I mean my lips just like kind of moved and….yeah, I’m sorry about that.” 

 

The surprised expression on Seungkwan’s face passed by shortly as Vernon rambled on his string of apologies and excuses. If anything, his own lips were pursed as he took a minute to himself to think, responding with the quick shake of his head. “I didn’t hate it so you have nothing to apologize for. You just surprised me, that’s all.” 

 

The all too relieved sigh that came out of Vernon made the corners of Seungkwan’s lips eventually curl upwards in a smile. “God, I’ve got to stop getting so awkward and worked up about the little things.” Vernon breathed out, feeling ever so slightly more relaxed now that Seungkwan’s expression had gone back to one he could read a lot easier. “If I ever start to get all flustered for no reason, feel free to shake me or something.” 

 

“It was just a little peck, Hansol-ah.” Seungkwan responded back in a way that he had probably meant to calm him down some of his overreacting, but the smile on his face turned into one more smug than Vernon would have liked to see. “How many times have we already kissed each other’s foreheads or cheeks?” Especially after what had happened last night, Vernon wasn’t exactly too thrilled to hear this. Whatever late night courage and ambitions that had been pumping through their systems had clearly worn off. Now replaced by more logical morning thoughts that tore away from whatever dream Vernon was still living in. 

 

He really couldn’t help himself or restrain his emotions in Seungkwan’s presence anymore. Vernon found his mood slowly sinking as a frown settled on his face, a crease forming between his knitted eyebrows. Damn all of these emotional highs and lows that came along with liking Seungkwan too much. “But we kissed last night, Seungkwan.” Those words were all he could voice out loud though. Unable to come up with any other implications or reasons behind them, there was a sudden feeling of nervousness for Vernon. What if his kiss didn’t mean anything to the other male? What if it was all one sided? 

 

It was just a statement. Even though there was a million different answers that Seungkwan could possibly reply with, and surely Vernon would feel his whole world get shaken up by whichever one he would choose. He didn’t even give him enough of anything to work off of, but somehow that sentence had gotten through to his roommate. Forced to recognize their actions from last night, Vernon visibly noted that Seungkwan had almost forgotten to breathe for a second. 

 

“We did.” Seungkwan simply nodded after letting out a shaky breath. His lips were firmly pursed together, almost pensively, as he was trying to figure out what was hidden behind Vernon’s blunt statement. “We did kiss. Just once. Or maybe twice, I think. We kissed each other at the same time and then I kissed you again.” 

 

“Therefore we can agree that we mutually kissed, and then you happened to kiss me again?” Vernon didn’t know why he felt so insistent to get something out of Seungkwan. He felt like he deserved some kind of answer or explanation. For why they allowed the kiss to happen in the first place, or where Seungkwan currently placed him now, but he knew there wasn’t any definite reason at all. They just got wrapped up in midnight feelings. 

 

“Well, that’s what I remember happening… Or maybe after the initial kiss I tried to deepen it? I don’t know the right terminology, but I think I tried to kiss you again at least.” Seungkwan’s eyes blinked up at him, almost searching for something before an ever so slightly pained expression took it’s place. “Wait, don’t tell me you were actually drunk and don’t remember it- is that why you’re asking so many questions?” 

 

The change on Seungkwan’s features was clear, as he was always one to be completely open about his emotions. Vernon picked up on it instantly, inciting nothing but further desires to break past all of these emotional barriers as soon as possible. “No, I wasn’t drunk at all. Not even a little bit.” Vernon quickly reassured him with a rapid shake of his head, watching the disappointment on Seungkwan’s face relax into something more neutral before continuing on. He could easily track how his words affected the older male. “I remember everything from last night clearly.” 

 

“Oh.” Seungkwan found himself responding back without much clue of what to say next. “So, um… why are you questioning about it so much then? If you remember all of it, what’s the point?” 

 

Vernon felt a little bit guilty at this moment. The way that Seungkwan’s dark brown eyes were blinking up into his own, almost innocently waiting for some kind of explanation behind all this questioning threw Vernon out of his stubborn mind almost immediately. The realization hit him later than it should have.  Seungkwan was still all new to this. He just remembered exactly how inexperienced he was as soon as he saw him looking up at him like this. If he hadn’t of got so caught up in his own feelings, he wouldn’t have gotten all worked up over his nonchalant attitude in the matter. 

 

Vernon felt his head drop down in surrender from his current persistence in questioning Seungkwan, flopping against the pillow with a low sigh as he let his eyes shut for quite awhile. “I’m sorry, I’ll explain everything that I was thinking about. Just give me a few minutes to collect my thoughts.” And Seungkwan did. Patience wasn’t always his thing, often coming off too expressive and erratic with his emotions since he wore them freely on his sleeve. But this morning was different. He gave Vernon that ideal moment of composure that he needed, a gentle smile on his face as he tipped his head to the side, calmly passing the time by trying to read at Vernon’s expression until he was ready to speak. “It was exactly because we kissed last night and both remembered it that I was asking all those questions. I thought maybe you’d find it weird when I kissed your face again today.” 

 

Seungkwan let out a small laugh as he stared down at him, not one of teasing but one filled with affection as he allowed his fingers to brush through Vernon’s light brown hair soothingly. “You were really getting all worked up over that? That’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard, Hansol-ah. If I remembered that you kissed my lips last night, then you’d know that I would have absolutely no problem with you kissing anywhere else on my face either. Doesn’t that seem more casual in comparison?” 

 

Wanting to hide, Vernon let out a noise that was some sort of mix between a grumble and a whine as he shielded his flustered face behind a hand. “Well, maybe that’s what you think but you looked all shocked like you hated it! So I just assumed the worst!” 

 

With lips placed right above his ear, his roommate sung out to him lowly, the smooth and soft tone in his voice tickled down Vernon’s spine and made him want to shiver. “You’re thinking too much.” Seungkwan knew he was flustered yet again, and now he knew exactly how to tease him out of it, attempting to bring back the normally relaxed and slightly goofy Vernon that he proudly called his best friend. “Instead of assuming the worst, maybe you shouldn’t assume anything at all. Then you’d know that I was actually quite shocked by your sudden nose kiss that I didn’t even know what to say.”  

 

Throughout his own fingers, Vernon only mustered enough courage to peek out at Seungkwan with one eye, knowing all too well that he was certainly all red in the face from talking about the subject so openly. “Well…” He struggled to find his words for a moment, trying not to come out too whiny and unlike his normal self even though he already knew there was no way to explain his feelings without just doing so anyways. “You practically implied it didn’t mean much because we kissed on the cheek and forehead before, but it  _ does _ mean something because that’s the first kiss I gave you after I kissed you on the lips…. so um, yeah. That’s it, I guess?” 

 

As Vernon struggled to keep eye contact with Seungkwan who was currently propped up against his forearm, still lying down but in right the position to stare down at him, he felt his argument starting to slip away as soon as Seungkwan let out another amused laugh. “Hansol! Wouldn’t you consider a lip kiss far more special than one on the nose, or anywhere else on the face for that matter? Maybe I was implying that you shouldn’t get too worked up over something small when there are far more special kisses to be experienced.” 

 

Seungkwan knew he was right. Vernon was aware that he knew that as well. It made him want to be stubborn and grumble out all over again, to come up with another stupid thing to bicker and retort about- but what was even the point? He knew Seungkwan would readily answer back something that would completely shut him up long enough to drop the question. Or  to calm him down to the point where they’d settle into comfortable silence yet again. Yet in this situation, comfortable silence the kind of resolution he’d be relieved with. If they didn’t finish talking about the kiss, then maybe this opportunity wouldn’t come up again. And Vernon just had to know now. 

 

“I’m sorry that I keep getting all nervous and unsure of things sometimes...” Vernon settled for mumbling out distractedly, his hands still hiding the majority of his face as he glanced up at Seungkwan. Despite only waking up recently, he still looked all too radiant in the streaks of morning light that managed to peek out through the blinds behind him. The sunlight always did have a way with pushing Vernon to fall for him more and more. Until he completely lost himself. It was the way it illuminated that smooth and tanned skin he had become so attracted to. Deep and dark brown eyes, with rich color still impassible despite the bright rays of light that entered the room. And even the newly dyed blond hairs that were currently messed up sometime during the hours of sleep somehow made this boy glow even more if it was even possible. Vernon was surely awkward, easily embarrassed, and a complete beginner at dealing with feelings towards another male, but he could chip away at his pride ever so slowly. If it was for Seungkwan though, what wouldn’t he do? A sudden insignificant burst of confidence hit him, adding something onto the end of his previous sentence. “...But hey, if you think that you liked it, then I’d like to know about it… I think…” 

 

Without too much of a thought, Seungkwan already had an answer for him. “I liked it.”

 

“You didn’t happen to….regret it at all? What about a little bit?” 

 

“Nope.”

 

Still not completely believing it, Vernon narrowed his eyes in questioning of the male, trying desperately to find something on his expression that would convince him otherwise. “Are you… absolutely sure about that? Like final answer and no takebacks, you’re still going to answer the same way?” 

 

Seungkwan let his eyes roll around. Not in frustration or sarcasm like he usually did, but one of almost equal disbelief that Vernon still didn’t believe his answers to be true. “Vernon Hansol Chwe, I swear to god, you’re nearly impossible sometimes.” Words laced with amusement, he laid back down on his side with a huff of air. “I just said yes about three separate times. How many more times do you want me to say it? One-hundred?” 

 

Vernon, who still was managing to hide the majority of his face behind his hands, found a slight burst of confidence due to his stealthy position. He had enough room to hide his growingly goofy smile behind his hands after all. With words laced with implications, Vernon simply spit out his words before he’d grow to regret them. “I think something like the phrase ‘ _ actions speak louder than words _ ’ would work perfectly for a time like this…” 

 

“Now you’re asking for another kiss?” Seungkwan quickly questioned back in mock disbelief, but with an almost coy grin on his lips as he hovered ever so slightly closer into Vernon’s personal space. Noting the subtle widening of eyes from the unexpected question, capturing it as it only lasted a few seconds, Vernon gained a little satisfaction from his successful attempt at being straightforward with his intentions.

 

Finding himself feeling more free in the light atmosphere, Vernon withdrew the hands that covered his face and dropped them to his sides instead, letting himself shrug back in response. “I mean, if you didn’t exactly hate it too much the first time what’s the harm in trying again?” 

 

Seungkwan was almost speechless for a second. He attempted to open his mouth to find something smart to say back, yet failed within only a few moments and settled for letting out an exasperated chuckle instead. “I mean, yeah, I guess that could be fine?” Vernon found himself  smiling up at his roommate as he was finally seeming to show signs of being a little flustered as well, watching those fingers move upwards to push through hair distractedly or the way he was currently toying at his own lips. 

  
“Well, if you ever wanted to do it again, I wouldn’t exactly stop you.” Satisfied with enough of their playing or flirting or whatever this was, Vernon let his arms cross over his chest, as an all too pleased smile firmly settled on his lips. And he was sure he’d be in this mood for quite a while more. Seungkwan  _ liked _ the kiss they had shared last night. He liked it so much that there was a possibility that it could happen again. That fact alone was enough to keep Vernon satisfied for maybe the rest of the semester. 

 

Almost as if he could read into Vernon’s expression far too well, Seungkwan leaned over him with a eyebrow raised in challenge. “Somebody seems pretty confident now, huh?”

 

“Not confident, willful.” He corrected back with a toothy grin.

 

“That’s dumb.” Seungkwan teasingly replied back with the click of his tongue, letting his own fingers ruffle through Vernon’s hair again, messing up the fringe that was starting to get too long and get in the way of his eyes. The action caused Vernon to make a mock grumpy face while deep down inside, he honestly liked the extra attention. “You’re dumb too. Thinking I’ll go and kiss you again or something without any reason for doing so. I don’t even know how this shit works, like the timing of kissing or anything like that.” 

 

From the soft touches on the top of his head, Vernon had allowed his eyes to slip shut in a moment of peace but that comment made him smile a little more. “You never know, maybe I could teach you a few things if you’d ever want to kiss again.” 

 

One eye cracked open to sneak a peek at Seungkwan’s expression after a long period of silence passed. Despite having more tanned skin than Vernon’s own, the way the tips of Seungkwan’s ears started to redden ever so slightly was the exact reaction he had been hoping for. Vernon nearly cackled out a laugh and now his roommate was the one forced to hide his shy face behind his hands. 

 

“I can’t believe you said that and you’re still dumb.” Seungkwan managed to slip out between a long, drawn out groan. “And that stupid goofy look on your face is dumb.” 

 

“Oh shut up, Boo. You know it was funny.”

 

“It wasn’t funny at all because it was really dumb actually.” 

 

“Well, at least  _ I _ thought it was a perfectly timed remark and funny enough to get a reaction out of you.” Vernon insisted throughout a series of light blissful laughs as one of his hands moved to pat Seungkwan on the back softly, a signal that his teasing was over. For now at least. “You should go and take a shower now though, or you won’t have enough time for both your shopping and the cafe date with the three musketeers.” 

 

As if he had nearly completely forgotten about the fact that he had needed to shower in the first place, Seungkwan’s lips opened into a small circle shape, only now realizing himself that he hadn’t been keeping track of time. “Shit! Hansol, I only agreed to ten more minutes but almost an hour went by!” In a scrambled attempt to get untangled with all of the blankets, and free of Hansol’s limbs as well, Seungkwan ungracefully managed to get off of the bed and frantically go about picking out his clothes for the day. Vernon found himself watching the shorter male go around antically to prepare for the day with a contented smile on his face. He sometimes found it interesting just to watch Seungkwan just being himself due to his usual over expressive actions. 

 

With his hands full of his clothes for the day, Seungkwan ran into the bathroom to drop off the pile in preparation for his morning shower, but for some reason he left them there and ran back out to find something else. Maybe he forgot some essential like a razor or a new bar of soap. Vernon didn’t even know, nor did he care. On the hurried way back to the bathroom, he managed to intertwine his fingers around Seungkwan’s wrist to stop him in time, admiringly smiling up at the male who blinked down at him in questioning. 

 

“What are you doing Hansol?” 

 

“Hey, Seungkwan. Can you do me a favor?” He repeated the recognizeable words out, the same ones that he had played around with earlier that morning. 

 

“Yeah, what do you need?” 

 

“Before you go, could you just stay here instead?” 

 

Hearing the all too familiar words repeated again, and during a time that he was trying to actually get something done, Seungkwan almost wanted to groan out loud but found himself breaking into a smile again. “I like the effort, but no.” 

 

“Please?” 

 

Taking a deep breath, Seungkwan tried to restrain himself from making some sarcastic retort in response. “You know why I better not and-”

 

“I’m sure I’ll be willing to settle for something else then.” Vernon’s words were simple, but clear with what kind of answer he was expecting from his roommate. He didn’t know how he even managed to say it out loud, or keep a straight face, but something seemed to work enough to the point where Seungkwan just shook his head and went along with it.

 

It only took a quick second. Maybe more than that, or maybe less, but Vernon wasn’t in his right mind to keep track of the unimportant details. All that he could remember was how Seungkwan made the few steps over and found himself leaning over from the side of the bed. The mattress dipped and sank down under his weight only momentarily, but it was enough to shake Vernon up to the point of fluttering heart palpitations and a sharp shaky inhale of breath. While simply sitting there, resting his knees against the side of the mattress and allowing himself to hover over the laying Vernon, Seungkwan gifted him with another sweet kiss. 

 

It might have been just a peck. Or an innocent brush of lips to express their mutual care for each other. A quick smooch of adoration. Maybe it could have meant something even more than that. Vernon didn’t know what it fully meant for either or them, nor would he try to define whatever they were currently doing with each other. All that mattered was that he was happy, and satisfied with the way things were going. Seungkwan seemed to be too. 

  
  


. . . . . 

  
  


It wasn’t like Joshua to leave his messages on read without any reply. It also wasn’t like Joshua to leave his phone uncharged to the point where Vernon’s call would go straight to voicemail. That’s what drove Vernon to feel some kind of need to check up on the other male, despite being nearly three years older and completely capable of taking care of himself. They would see each other first thing tomorrow in their shared morning class, but something made Vernon too curious about this. He had to see what was going on. 

 

If he had been actually invited or expected to show up, he would have just punched in the key code and let himself in, but this time he stopped to knock on the door quietly. A few moments passed. Unable to make out any other sounds than some quiet shuffling or light bang here and there, Vernon went to tap his knuckles against the door more firmly, but he was stopped at the last second as it swung open. 

 

Joshua peeked at him through the crack between the door, possibly being out of breath due to the fact that he rushed to throw on a new change of clothes only seconds ago. Once his eyes locked onto Vernon’s own, he let out what seemed to be a sigh of relief. “Oh, it’s only you.” 

 

“What do you mean only me?” The corner’s of Vernon’s lips raised upwards in an amused way, letting himself pass Joshua’s form in order to enter the room. “It seems like you were hoping to see someone else, huh?” 

 

He didn’t pick up as Joshua’s hold on the door faltered a bit, hesitating before closing the door and locking it from behind. “No, it’s nothing like that….” Joshua replied back with an ever so slight shake of his head, shifting his eyes over to Vernon without much of a change in emotion to see his presence. “Is there something you wanted? You usually don’t stop over without a reason.” 

 

Vernon’s shoulders shrugged up absentmindedly at his question, moving to take a seat at the edge of the bed while his friend remained leaning against the door. “Do I need any excuse to want to spend time with my friend?” He responded back with a growing grin on his features. “But nah, you didn’t reply to texts last night or this morning. So I came to see if you were having the worst hangover ever, or if maybe you brought home someone special from the party?” 

 

This made Joshua’s blank expression change only a little a bit, a light chuckle escaping from under his breath. “I’m glad you care about my life to spy on me or whatever this is, but I guess you’ve noticed that neither of those things happened last night.” He motioned to the contents of his room, as clean and organized as ever. Even his roommate’s side of the room seemed to be relatively untouched as it always was. 

 

“Damn, I could have sworn something interesting was up last night. I was almost certain something happened by the way you were ignoring me. I even saw you walking off with Jeonghan outside so…you know… I assumed things.” Vernon trailed off with a sigh of slight disappointment, when the sudden thought of his own actions with Seungkwan popped up into his thoughts again. Well, maybe that was interesting enough for him for him to mention. His lips parted in order to tell Joshua the good news, yet he was interrupted as his friend let out a sigh that could only be interpreted as something out of aggravation. 

 

Joshua ran a hand through his hair, pushing back the brown locks as he kept his eyes locked onto the floor. “Vernon, I think I haven’t been so honest about some things in regard to what’s going on between Jeonghan and I.” 

 

It wasn’t too much of a surprise to hear those words. Vernon definitely had suspicions about their feelings toward each other for quite awhile now. Practically everyone in their friend group did.  He saw the way that their eyes stole glances at each other when they thought no one else was looking, or the way Joshua would always be ready to tuck away any loose strand of hair that slipped into Jeonghan’s line vision, or how Jeonghan would slide his hand into Josh’s back pocket while they would casually walk around campus. Something in Vernon’s chest felt lighter at hearing Joshua confess this in public for the first time. He bit back his slowly growing smile, letting the male continue whatever news would come of this. 

 

“You don’t have to apologize for not being ready to tell us. I was just going to wait around for one of you to break the news first.” 

 

Joshua distractedly found himself walking across the room, undecided on whether to sit next to Vernon or not as he ended up pacing the room slowly instead. Clearly too wrapped up within his own thoughts and getting nowhere with them, he just spit everything out at once. “I’ve loved Yoon Jeonghan ever since I met him.” 

 

Vernon tried not to show too much of a reaction from that statement but his lips did part open, just short of letting an actual gasp out as he tried to process the information. “That’s um… quite a big confession. I mean, I thought you were clearly into him but to  _ love  _ him. Love is a big word to use there.” 

 

“I know, I know- He doesn’t even know either.” Joshua admitted almost bitterly, holding one hand up to stop him from continuing on with speculation before he could explain. “This is all going to sound really horrible but here’s the complete and honest truth. I had feelings for him. I guess he had something for me too because we started hooking up sometimes and always spending time together. But I never let him know exactly about how real my feelings were, so I might have let him believe I was just in it to mess around for the physical stuff.” 

 

Vernon was surprised to hear most of this, but regardless, it still made a lot more sense than to just think of them as two close friends who got a little too touchy-feely sometimes. Now that he knew the real truth behind their affectionate stares towards each other and all those subtle little touches, it felt like a clear gap in his understanding had been filled. He let out a long hum of concentration as he sorted around with the information in his head, and lips pursed together as something stuck out to him. “Wait, you just said you  _ had _ feelings for him. Had as in the past tense. So I’m going to assume something just went wrong last night?” 

 

Almost defeatedly, Joshua slumped down onto the side of the bed next to him with a long withdrawn sigh. “Other than seeing me leave the party with him, what else would have given you that idea?” 

 

“Well…” Vernon tried to frame his words gently, feeling the slight hint of embarrassment from getting too personally involved into his hyung’s business. “You looked….well, really angry all of the sudden. When I saw you grab Jeonghan’s hand and run out. I never saw you so worked up like that before. Hell, I didn’t even know you had it in you.” 

 

Joshua nodded slowly from hearing Vernon’s thoughts about him, eyes cast downwards to the ground as he was clearly upset at himself for his actions that night. “Yeah, you’re right though. I mean, I didn’t know I had it in myself either. But then I saw him dancing with everybody at that party. He was kissing that Chan guy all over his face, and even sitting on Seungcheol’s lap after he had the nerve to tell everyone that they used to be sleeping around together. And eventually I just...didn’t want to see it anymore …. I snapped at him.” 

 

Vernon found himself frowning alongside Joshua. On one hand, he would be able to understand why things got so messy between the two of his friends. Some part of him felt like Joshua was perfectly validated in getting so upset, and if he were in the same place, he’d probably feel horrible after seeing how wild Jeonghan was getting at the party. But at the same time, Jeonghan had such a reputation. He was popular in their whole university simply because of the fact that everyone did want him. They liked his flirty charisma and all the charm that went along with it. That’s what made him so noteworthy in the first place. He was the school’s designated player and he even got paid for it. It’s like an image he had to keep up at all times, except when he was alone in their small friend group and his true colors came out. Vernon knew Jeonghan was sensitive deep down, and regardless of how many reasons Joshua had for fighting with him, it definitely could have been done in a better time and better place. 

 

Even though he understood why things happened this way, he was still conflicted. He could blame Joshua for getting involved with someone he knew was like this from the start, or he could blame Jeonghan for not stopping his paid dating act for Joshua’s sake but it really wasn’t his business. He just had to support both of his friends and be there for them. 

“How bad did it get?” Vernon found himself asking, his voice low and contemplative. “I mean, what happened after you guys left the party?” 

 

“I took him outside. Down the fire escape stairs and onto the street, so we could get some fresh air and talk without anyone else interfering. Plus he was completely trashed so I thought it was best to get him away from all of those guys at the party. Before any bad decisions could happen later.” Joshua explained on, the look in his eyes growing more unattached from reality as he recalled the events. Something like a bitter sadness was stirring inside of his chest, and Vernon was sure of that. He’d never expected to see Joshua so dejected before. “I’m not happy about my next actions. Perhaps it’s even the worst thing I’ve ever done in my whole life. I’m already ashamed about what happened, and I already know I fucked up big time. There’s absolutely nothing I could do to ever apologize enough to him.”

 

Vernon couldn’t help himself from swallowing a large lump in his throat that had formed after hearing that. This definitely wasn’t going to be good. “What did…. What did you do then?”

 

Joshua’s tongue had moved over his lips slowly, trying to ease some of the pain out of the dry and almost cracking lips that he had been torturing before. And perhaps he had stressfully biting on them ever since the events from last night occurred. “You see, there was one time. Only one time. When Jeonghan and I were together and he told me he loved me. That was without knowing that I had grown to love him as well because I never told him about my own feelings, ever.” 

 

Vernon could only nod wearily in response, waiting for him to continue on. 

 

“At that time, I didn’t give him any answer. I barely even acknowledged those words at all. Why? I’m not even sure myself. Maybe I still assumed that this was all some sort of game to him. Then he’d be able to throw me away when some amazing guy like Seungcheol walked into his life. Someone more of his type to keep him interested. Someone who’d be able to give him much more than I ever could. Just, anyone that would be able to sweep him off his feet in a way I never would be able to.” As Joshua listed off the various thoughts that cluttered his mind, there wasn’t anything Vernon could do for him but to listen. That was all he had been asking for in the first place. Exposing these innermost private thoughts hurt Vernon’s heart greatly, the revelation about how much inner thought processes he’d been having to go through physically upset Vernon to the point where he had his teeth clenched together and eyebrows knitted together. He wanted to interject and let him know that things weren’t like that. That he shouldn’t have thought of himself in that way. Or not to worry about all those possibilities that would never come. But he couldn’t. Joshua had started all of this on his own, so he had to be the one to end it. 

 

Joshua let out something that seemed like a bitter laugh, the sound reflecting nothing but complete self pity. “Last night, I asked him if he loved me again. He answered yes. I could see it in his eyes, the way the stared up at me so brightly and overflowing with emotion. But I got scared. Or angry. Maybe a combination of both of the two. So I wanted to test him. I asked him if he really loved me, would he be dancing with all of those people at the party? Would he really sit on another guy’s lap and leave me on the wall like some chaperone? If he loved me, would he put everyone else’s opinion of himself over my own? Would he choose to be some fake character of a player if he had someone back who could love him unconditionally despite that?” 

 

Vernon could practically see Joshua unraveling in front of him as each question left his mouth. The older male was on the verge of shaking, the emotion boiling up in his eyes and threatening to spill over in the form of liquid hot tears. Vernon didn’t know what to do. He didn’t expect one of his most reliable and responsible friends to be put into such a vulnerable. Sharply inhaling a shaky breath, Vernon placed a hand on the older male’s shoulder and rubbed it softly.

 

Joshua wouldn’t shed tears in front of him though. He had already shed plenty and wouldn’t hurt his pride by letting someone so young have to deal with him in that state. More troubled than sad, the older male ran his hands through his hair stressfully. “You’re not going to believe what I said to him, Vernon. You’re going to lose all respect for me completely. In fact, you should even punch me after you hear this. It’s that bad that I completely deserve it.” 

 

He shook his head back and forth, not wanting to hear something like that. “Just…. Go on and say it.” 

 

“I told him….” There was a pause. A shaky breath taken in order to fully prepare himself. “I told him, if he intends to keep living that type of lifestyle, selling himself like a physical product for money, and even attempting to string me along in the process, then there’s no need to love me at all. There’s nothing different between his own actions and that of any other whore out there.” 

 

The harsh words spilling from the normally gentle and reserved Joshua actually caused him to wince in response. It hit him as completely distasteful, and something he’d never ever expect to come from his elder. But when people get mad and emotions are high, they tend to say things that they don’t mean. Vernon would never approve of anyone talking about Jeonghan like that, but when people in love get caught up in angry emotions, even defensive words can come out nastier than intended. 

 

Vernon didn’t know how to sugarcoat his words this time. “You really fucked up with that one, Josh. I’m shocked and disappointed that you would say something that low, but I also know alcohol was involved. Anger and unstable emotions definitely don’t mix with liquid courage.” 

 

“So that’s it.” Joshua replied bluntly, shoulders shrugging upwards without any care anymore. “That’s how things end between us. I know there’s no going back after words like that, and I don’t want to go back and beg him for forgiveness. I don’t deserve it, and he doesn’t deserve a guy like me who would ever say something like that to him.” 

 

Vernon didn’t know what he could say. The two of them sat in silence for quite a long time, with Joshua slowly calming his emotions down, but Vernon’s leg started to twitch around anxiously. “So… did you talk with him anytime after that happened.” 

 

“Nope. Phone’s dead.” 

 

“So that’s why I couldn’t get a hold of you either?” 

 

“Didn’t want to talk with anybody really.” 

 

“I can understand that.” 

 

These words that they shared seemed rather irrelevant in comparison to their previous discussion. Rather than dealing with the problem or trying to tackle it head on, there was almost a silent agreement between the two boys. To leave everything where it currently was and refuse to get any more worked up about the situation. Joshua let out a wistful sigh that broke the heavy silence looming in the room, careless flopping his body against the mattress. 

 

Vernon followed him in his movement, laying down beside him as their eyes wandered up to stare at the ceiling. Wordlessly, they shared the moment of settling into the normal peaceful atmosphere of their hangouts. They didn’t know what to do next, but simply being in each other’s company was enough. 

 

“Hey,” Vernon eventually called out, turning his head sideways to meet Joshua’s gaze as he absentmindedly twiddled with his own fingers. “Seungkwan and I kissed last night.” 

 

This finally brought a smile to his friend’s face. It wasn’t the most bright one he’s seen from Joshua, and rather more composed and held back, but it still resembled the same gentle Joshua that their friend group knew and loved. “Oh, that’s some unexpected progress! I’m happy for you, Vernon. It might be hard to see how excited I am because, well, I kind of look like a mess now. But really, I’m happy that you’ve come this far.” 

  
  


. . . . . 

  
  


Ever since the “Fronting” track had gathered quite a popular reputation in the school among other students, Vernon had found his life changing ever so slowly. At first he started noticing the subtle glances that other students shot towards his direction. The silent whispers his classmates would try to hide in his presence. The way some girls would sneakily try to point in his direction when he was walking around campus with the guys, then burst out into shy giggles when they were caught gossiping.  It was definitely a change, but it didn’t affect Vernon’s day to day life too much. 

 

Mingyu loved the attention. In fact he practically thrived off of it. Seungcheol was pretty good with dealing with it as well, but he was far more charming with any interactions between himself and the other students. Mingyu would practically hug anyone who gave him the slightest compliment about the song, while Seungcheol was more realistic and humbly gave his thanks instead. Wonwoo was more like Vernon. He didn’t want to draw too much attention to himself. In fact- maybe the other students were kind of scared to approach him due to his stoic and serious demeanor. Yet if someone did get the courage to approach him, he’d expose his soft side for only a few moments. Vernon was more like that. He was rather shy with the looks that his peers would shoot in his direction. These days he found himself walking around with headphones on most of the time, using the object as an excuse to block himself off from the talk. 

 

Part of what gathered the most questions from their classmates was their lack of a subsequent track. They had one pretty successful release, so what would be next?

 

Mingyu had suddenly ran into the studio one day, the loud echo of his voice making the rest of the group physically jump. “Guys! Look what I found in the hallway!” Cheerfully announcing his discovery, he waved a pamphlet around in the air enthusiastically. “There’s going to be an open mic night on the Han River!” 

 

Much used to his eccentric moments by now, Seungcheol just smiled softly and peered over his shoulder to take a look at the flyer. “Oh, this could be interesting. It seems kind of like a talent show or something like that.” 

 

“There’s a prize for the top three winners too!” Mingyu practically spit out due to his excitement. “A premium set of beef, local business gift cards, or even cash for the first place winner!” 

 

Wonwoo found himself letting out an amused chuckle, affectionately moving to ruffle the windblown locks of Mingyu’s hair back into place. “Well, we could definitely use the cash though. That’s almost enough to cover a full month and a half’s rent for all of us.” 

 

From where Vernon was sitting on the ground, the group’s various lyrical notebooks scattered all around him and his phone playing one of his favorite tracks, he almost hesitantly pulled out his own earbuds. Tentatively trying to preserve most of the group’s excitement about the event, he almost didn’t want to voice out his own thoughts. “Guys, this is…. a big step though. I mean, have any of you actually performed on a stage before?” 

 

“Scoups-hyung has.” Mingyu pointed out. “He’s done a few small rap battle events at clubs before. And Wonwoo has participated in the poetry club’s reading circle every year!” 

 

Vernon found himself blinking, slightly taken aback at that statement. He wouldn’t imagine Wonwoo to be the type to publically perform, yet at the same time that scenario did make a lot of sense to imagine. Seungcheol had enough confidence that he could easily picture him on stage. And Mingyu practically had enough charisma and presence to hold a whole showcase by himself. But as for himself… he could only picture himself as holding the team down. 

 

Seungcheol had his hands shoved in his pockets, assuredly letting his shoulders shrug upwards in agreement of the idea. “Well, I’m down for this. Seems like a good opportunity to promote our group in public. Maybe we can even get enough views on our youtube release to rake in some profit finally.” 

 

Wonwoo simply nodded in response. His eyes were as mysterious as ever, but a clear smile of anticipation was growing on his features. “I’m in too.” 

 

Mingyu enthusiastically bounced around on the balls of his feet as he turned to Vernon expectantly for an answer. Grasping for uncertain hands within his tanned and more larger ones, he was looking at Vernon so hopefully that found it’s way to unravel most of the hesitance that still lingered in Vernon’s mind. “Come on, Vernon! We’re a team! We can’t go on stage and perform without you!” 

 

Vernon’s cautious eyes scanned the expressions of all of his teammates, the older males now resembling more like actual brothers than just simple school friends. Awaiting his answer with such hopeful and expectant gazes made Vernon feel like caving in, his stubborn pride and awkwardness in his self expression being the only thing holding him back. Still apprehensively, Vernon allowed his hands to squeeze back into Mingyu’s hold. One nod from Vernon was enough to send the group of guys cheering out excitedly, already looking forward to what the performance would bring. 

  
  


But Vernon himself wasn’t all too excited to what he agreed to. How would he even be able to get over his nerves and perform in front of a crowd? 

 


	13. performing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vernon struggles with the team cover song, the hip hop unit has their first public performance, and vernon gets an unexpected reward from seungkwan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaa exam week is stressful, huh? i hope you guys are hanging in there still ! ! 
> 
> due to my exams and my trip to korea like AS SOON as they get over, i'm not exactly what day i'll be able to post next week. my plan is to try and queue something up so the flight won't fuck up my schedule too much, but in case i'm unable to do so, i planned 10k words for this week's update to hopefully make up for it. 
> 
> @ citruseungkwan on tumblr whenever u need me

The actual time it took Vernon to shift between a high school senior to almost completing the first semester of freshman college didn’t even take a whole year. It sure felt like it had been a lot longer than that though. The confident high school athlete Vernon had all of his plans aligned for him based on what felt like fate alone, his popular position in the school just setting him up for the natural success that came along with playing the character. The freshman college student Vernon could be label as ‘flawed’ in quite a few ways by those people that he left behind in America. He didn’t have any resolute plans. Nor did he even know what classes he’d plan to take next semester. He didn’t even know what would come at the end of each week. 

 

But he kind of liked that.

 

With getting involved with this new group of friends that shared the same hobby, quite a lot of new opportunities opened up. He played a part in recording and writing a little towards an actual song. He was meeting new influential people all the time due to the group’s connections. And he also stumbled on the chance to perform their song in front of a live crowd of people. The Vernon of a few months ago would never imagined something like this to even be a possibility.

 

This new lifestyle was kind of uncertain sometimes, but still exciting in its unpredictability.  Everyday felt like a test. It forced him to realize the limits of his carefully constructed self pride, the one that he had carried on so strongly throughout his whole life, as well as forming new ideals towards the future person he wanted to become. Perhaps was all part of the ‘college experience’ that people had talked so nostalgically about. Where he would slowly find himself realizing he’s completely changed before he can even stop it from happening. 

 

He liked the current day Vernon much more than the past Vernon. The high school athlete Vernon that seemed to be so sure of himself on the outside but now seemed more like an empty shell. It looked fine enough on the surface, but the inside was almost hollow, devoid of any real meaning despite the intricate character that he had built up around it. The present day Vernon might come off as a little unsure sometimes, or even to the point of being shy and awkward, but that was the real him. Even if he was a little clumsy at figuring out what he wanted or who he wanted to be, he still liked this Vernon much more. 

 

There was one thing that he wanted to take back from his high school days though. Confidence.

 

As he held the lyrics for the Diamond Unit’s idea for a cover song, he swore that his hand was perspiring so much that he was close to smudging the blank ink all of his notebook. They were going to cover A Midsummer Night’s Sweetness, a seemingly perfect song to be performed outdoors during a festival. With the sweet spring season of fleeting flower petals wafting through the wind, fading quickly towards hot and lazy days of summer relaxation ahead, this song could set the right mood for a ideal night on the Han River. Everything seemed relatively perfect except for Vernon’s nerves. 

 

“Why is there...um….so many parts highlighted for me?” Vernon’s voice slightly cracked out as he stared at the countless underlined English phrases and rap sections on the sheet, wearily looking over at Woozi for clarification. 

 

Jihoon just shot him a look which meant something like he was missing something clearly obvious, or he was just stupid for asking. “Who the hell else could pronounce that much English in this group?” 

 

Mingyu raised his hand eagerly. “Ooh, Joshua could!” 

 

“Not what I was looking for.” Jihoon simply shook his head. “I mean, if you really have a problem with it then go ahead and switch up the raps little but I’m pretty sure it would be best to keep things as they are. Why would you even ask me to help divide the lines up based on vocals if you weren’t intending on following my advice anyways? I know your voices and abilities better than yourselves even.” 

 

Vernon felt slightly guilty for being so negative but he couldn’t just hide away his insecurities so easily. “It’s just… there’s so many lines compared to everyone else… and I have all of the opening part too.” 

 

He felt Mingyu sling a heavy arm around his shoulders, the majority of the taller male’s body weight now supported up against him. “If you think about it, it’s kinda like a battle strategy to put you first, with your unusual looks and all. You’re like kind of our visual? I’m going to play your foreigner privilege card here, so everyone will be kind of confused and then somewhat intrigued to see you open the song but eventually pay even more attention to you!”

 

Wonwoo cleared his throat. “Maybe you shouldn’t talk about him like he’s some object.” 

 

Vernon nearly groaned out loud, the noise sounding more strangled and frustrated due to his rising levels stress. “So now you’ve reminded me that people are going to be staring at me even more than before. Great. That’s just what I wanted.” 

 

“Hey now guys, let’s not think like this. Too much negativity.” Seungcheol decided to intervene, gently pulling Mingyu’s arms away from clutching at Vernon’s body and lightly pushing the male in his originally planned position. “Let’s try going through the song once or twice just to get a rough feel of things. Then we can make changes afterwards if needed.” 

 

Woozi was back to business in a mere second as well, making Vernon finally shut his mouth from all of these torturous worries as soon as he saw that office chair spin around. If the prodigy male ended up getting in a more stubborn mood than usual, that only meant more things to worry about later on and more work that would pile up in the process. 

 

Staring down at the pages of lyrics that he had hand-written himself, only in order to memorize the song more comprehensively, the black ink letters seemed all too uncertain and hard to read when he was put on the spot. The first few lines of the song weren’t exactly rap. It was more like a mix between speaking and actual singing, and Vernon did not do singing. In fact, was vehemently against it. 

 

The lyrics that conveyed the concept of a sweet midsummer night were read off almost completely in speech, the lack of singing in the tones coming off almost monotone. All of his teammates groaned in response. Jihoon visibly scowled. “Vernon, do I even have to tell you what I didn’t enjoy about that?” 

 

Hoping not to get caught, Vernon blinked a few times in mock innocence. “Uh… was the pronunciation kind of bad? Sorry, I was just speaking English with my mom on the phone a few minutes ago…” 

 

Replying wittily back in English, Jihoon was on the verge of rolling his eyes. “Confidence, Vernon. Determination. Pride. Courage. Spirit? Whichever one of those words you feel like understanding best right now.”

 

Vernon allowed himself to take a deep breath in order to calm himself down, attempting to find a way to relax his throat from accidentally cracking out due to his frazzled nerves. On the second try, he didn’t emote quite enough and earned a disapproving shake of the head from both Jihoon and Seungcheol at the same time. Then during the third time he tried to put in a bit more effort but his voice let out a tiny squeak. Mingyu snickered at this. That made his fourth attempt come out even worse. It was far too rushed and his tone got even quieter than the previous tries due to Mingyu’s stupid grin in his direction, almost like it was waiting for him to just mess up. 

 

Watching as Jihoon slid his cap off in order to run his hands through dusty rose pink hair, Vernon could physically feel the tension that was radiating off of the smaller male. Before he even spoke out with some critique, Seungcheol suddenly cleared his throat and stood up from his seat on the sofa. 

 

“Vernon, I think you should go to the individual recording room and practice a few times by yourself.” Seungcheol suggested with a soft smile and a light pat on the back. “The rest of us can try our lines first and you can come back later when you’re more prepared.” 

 

Wonwoo was the next to speak up. What he suggested was something Vernon probably never wanted to do in his whole life. “What about trying to call Seungkwan? I’m sure he can help you with your singing parts or something.”

 

Despite quickly shaking his head and mumbling something about his roommate being very busy these days, Mingyu energetically whipped his phone out of his pocket and started typing away anyways. Jihoon’s eyes narrowed slightly as he turned around in his chair slowly, trailing off in a moment of thought with his eyes trained on the ceiling. “Seungkwan…. Seungkwan…. Why does that name sound so familiar?” 

 

“He’s Vernon’s roommate.” Mingyu announced. “Actually I was friends with him first but I guess that doesn’t matter now because we’re all like one big family!” 

 

Vernon had made his way over to the sofa in a desperate attempt to see what Mingyu was doing on his phone, his cheeks already flushing a furious shade of red as he tried to get a grip on the device. The guys still didn’t know what had been happening between him and Seungkwan recently. There was no way in hell he’d tell them either because he didn’t even know what was going on himself. Yet for some reason, he felt like he might get caught for having feelings for his roommate if he wasn’t careful enough. A show too much infatuation in front of the guys would only bring on endless teasing about his stupid crush. They’d probably even blow it way out of proportion and write cheesy love songs about him. 

 

Mingyu was quite talented at shielding his phone away from Vernon’s sight, only having to quickly stand up and raise the phone over his head with one of his long arms. “Oh, hyung! Maybe you know Seungkwan’s name because he’s in the musicals here at school? He’s really an amazing singer! You guys could even work together on a track sometime.” 

 

“Is your friend Seungkwan the same Seungkwan who won Jeju High School’s talent competition for all three years in a row?” Jihoon questioned out, eyes glancing between Mingyu and Vernon for an answer. “I think his full name was… Boo Seungkwan? Something like that?”

 

Vernon didn’t know that information to be true or not based on all the stories Seungkwan had told him previously, but it sounded too accurate not to be true. Exactly what were the chances of another musical Boo Seungkwan from Jeju running around the same campus? Most likely none. 

 

“Yeah! That’s my Seungkwan! I mean, our Seungkwan!” Mingyu confirmed for him with a delighted toothy grin. 

 

Vernon took a few steps closer to Jihoon, finding himself a bit interested that somehow they knew each other. “Wait, did you know Seungkwan back in high school or something?” 

 

“My father is the head of the university, remember how we discussed that before?” Jihoon reminded him with a slight grin flicking over his lips. “I take a special interest in screening some of the Theatre Arts and Music major applications. I do a bit of research, examine the public records that are available to me online, then choose which talents I’d like to accept into the school. Well, more like pass my recommendations onto my father and then convince him to make the right choice. ” 

 

Wonwoo’s head tipped to the side. “That sounds… illegal.” 

“Not sure about the legality involved in the process, but it's quite an enjoyable pastime for me. It lets me create a list of students that I’d personally like to get to know someday and eventually even collaborate with. And as for Boo Seungkwan, I paid quite a bit of special interest into him. I mean, there’s enough videos online of him singing at talent competitions that I had a lot to work with.” The words that left Jihoon’s mouth peaked Vernon’s interest even more, his own eyes widening slightly from the new information about his roommate.“Your Seungkwan is quite a special case. I admired him to the point where I offered him the Music department’s honorary yearly scholarship. He practically has a free ride all throughout university thanks to me.” 

 

This new information confused Vernon just based on the fact that Seungkwan had never really brought up something as important as that before. His eyebrow furrowed together in an attempt to try and recall any small mention of the details before, but he was coming up as quite empty. It wasn’t a problem that he never mentioned it before, nor was Vernon mad, but it left him with a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. If he didn’t know something as simple as this, how much did he really know about in the first place? 

 

While he was still lost in his own thoughts, there was an ever so quiet knock at the door before the male in questioning peeked his head into the room. Just locking eyes with Seungkwan alone was enough to make Vernon’s heart beat painfully against his chest for just one second. His roommate was slightly timid to walking in so suddenly and interrupting things, carefully bowing his head before speaking up. “Hey, I hope I’m not disturbing anything important…” 

 

The look in Jihoon’s eyes had softened quite a bit in comparison from before. That’s what led Vernon’s suspicions about the new information to be correct enough. In an almost unexpected turn of things, Jihoon got up from his chair within seconds in order to welcome the male in the room, even offering a handshake out for Seungkwan to accept. “Hello, it’s been quite awhile. I’m not sure if you remember me still, but I’m Lee Jihoon. We met during the freshman welcome week.” 

 

Vernon watched on with a bit of curiosity, gauging the way that his roommate interacted with the senior. Seungkwan was generally bright and bubbly when meeting new people, but something seemed slightly more reserved and maybe even modest about his behavior. As he accepted Jihoon’s handshake, he purposely angled his bow to be even lower than Jihoon’s own slight nod of the head. It was almost like they were competing for who come off as more polite in the gesture. 

 

“Yes, I do remember meeting you there. Things have been very busy since then so I haven’t even been able to run into you in the hallways or anything.” The apples of Seungkwan’s cheeks were flushed slightly, letting out a small chuckle as he let go of the shorter male’s hand. “But when Hansol mentioned that you were the one he was working with, I was really surprised to hear that. I never expected to see his name on your soundcloud page after following your work for so long.” 

 

The corner’s of Jihoon’s mouth had curved upwards from receiving the compliment, a hand almost shyly raising to push through locks of pastel hair. “Well, I always said you could stop by my studio anytime if you ever wanted to….you know, make a track together or something…” 

 

“I’m really busy these days but I’ll definitely keep your offer in mind.” Seungkwan responded with a soft smile and a quick nod, then let out a quiet squeak as Mingyu snuck up behind him and wrapped him in big hug. “Hey- What do you think you’re doing? Don’t tell me you only called me here to be all clingy...” 

 

“Missed you too, cutie.” Mingyu almost cooed out, letting his cheek rub against the side of Seungkwan’s face affectionately for only a second before he was forcefully pushed away. “But nah, we had actual reasons for needing your help. Vernon is being difficult to work with and we thought you could make him sing better or something.” 

 

“Vernon? Difficult to work with? Those aren’t two things I’d ever expect to hear together in a sentence.” Seungkwan let out a small chuckle, the tip of his nose crinkling up a little. “But either way, theatre practice is going kinda slow today anyways. I think I can spare a little time to help out.” 

 

“I knew it, you’re our savior!” Mingyu gushed out and Jihoon handed an extra copy of the lyrics over to him. 

 

“They’re covering A Midsummer Night’s Sweetness for the Han River Festival. I’m sure you’re already aware of the song, right?” Jihoon speculated, earning an affirmative nod from Seungkwan in response. “Take Vernon into the private recording room and work on all the underlined parts. He can’t hit the right tones while singing, or he simply doesn’t want to. Just fix it somehow. Whatever method you need to use, just go for it.”

 

“Seems easy enough.” Seungkwan responded cheerfully in response and finally turned his attention back to Vernon. And when they locked eyes again Vernon physically had to tell himself to take a deep breath because maybe run out of oxygen if he just kept staring like this. “Come on, Hansol-ah. Let’s get this done already!” 

 

Then with that, Vernon didn’t really have room to oppose anymore. Seungkwan’s hand that had firmly latched around his own wrist and started pulling him into the direction of the individual studio. And Vernon knew all too well that there was no stopping a determined Seungkwan once he got started. 

 

They took a seat on the polished wooden floors, side by side as they rested their backs against the plush sound proof walls all around them. Vernon found himself letting out a long sigh as soon as he had settled down. Despite being in a completely sound-proof room, and their current seats out of sight of the small glass window that allowed him to consult Woozi, Vernon was not looking forward to this. Inviting Seungkwan into the studio just gave him another person to completely embarrass himself in front of. 

 

He didn’t exactly realize that he had started hanging his head so low until he felt Seungkwan’s head plop against his shoulder, angling his own gaze to find Vernon’s own from under his long fringe. The rich dark orbs suddenly making contact with his own eyes sent sudden butterflies all throughout his stomach, yet somehow calmed down his nerves at the same times. Having feelings was such a messed up thing. 

 

“Hi.” Seungkwan called out to him in English with a small smile, comfortably allowing his head to rest on Vernon’s slightly bony shoulder. It suddenly became all too evident that Seungkwan was really close to him right now. He’d only need to dip his head down in the slightest way in order to let their lips brush together. 

 

“Hi.” Vernon responded back, visibly noticing how the corners of his lips had betrayed his stubbornness and attempted to smile back without his permission. “I tried to tell the guys not to bother you during your practice. They didn’t seem to listen so… sorry about that.” 

 

Seungkwan responded with a gentle chuckle, the soft breath of air sending a faint warm sensation against Vernon’s skin. “You know I don’t mind. It can get too stressful just practicing all the time. Maybe I needed a distraction anyways.” 

 

Vernon had found himself holding his breath unintentionally from all of the ways that Seungkwan had been affecting him so strongly at the current moment. Now the reality that he could probably kiss Seungkwan again any moment now was always a lingering thought in the back of his mind. Things like close proximity weighed on his mind even more heavily now. It was hard to hold himself back. But as long as that small window of glass was there to keep this room open for Woozi to check on his progress or for the other guys to peek in, there was no way he’d let himself slip up. 

 

He did allow himself to tip his head sideways though, leaning against Seungkwan’s own and reciprocating the smaller male’s action. “I missed you…” Vernon suddenly decided to mumble out before he’d regret it. 

 

Even though the angle they were currently in prevented him from judging Seungkwan’s expression, he heard the growing smile evident in his voice. “ You just saw me this morning, Hansol-ah.” 

 

“And at lunch period too.” 

 

This earned a laugh out of his roommate but shortly after, he seemed to see right through these attempts. “Wait, are you trying to distract me from going over the song with you?” 

 

“Honestly? Yeah, but that didn’t mean I was lying about what I said.” Vernon insistently made sure to point out, letting out a hearty laugh as Seungkwan pulled away from his current position and shot an very unmenacing attempt of a glare at him. “Anyways though, how do you expect me to concentrate on the song when there’s far more interesting things to talk about? Like the fact that you somehow met Jihoon before you knew me. Why didn’t you mention that before?”

 

“Because I don’t even know him that well.” Seungkwan let his shoulders shrug up casually as he started recalling in his mind. “Well, I mean I used to follow him online for awhile but that was as Woozi. I only met him as Jihoon for a few minutes at a crowded school event. He came up to me first though… somehow he recognized me from performances at an old talent show I did back in highschool. Weird, huh?” 

 

Vernon found himself blinking slowly. Maybe Seungkwan himself didn’t know the full details of what Jihoon had mentioned before. Or he simply was hiding something. Either way, curiousity got the best of him as he found himself prodding for more information. “You know Jihoon has connections in this school though, right? He mentioned something that I thought was kind of… peculiar.” 

 

“Hm, what do you mean?” 

 

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s not my business at all but I was just wondering…” Vernon started off, tipping his head to the side to get a better look at Seungkwan. “Jihoon mentioned something about you getting an almost fully covered college tuition due to some scholarship given by the music department in the university.” 

 

Some of the confusion in Seungkwan’s eyes had disappeared to reveal something more troubled instead, quickly glancing away from Vernon’s gaze to stare at the floor. “I mean, yeah… that is true. What’s the point in him mentioning it to you and the other guys though? Why does it even matter?” 

 

The almost defensive way of responding only peaked Vernon’s curiosity even more, allowing his own shoulders to shrug upwards carelessly as he made an effort to explain himself. “It doesn’t matter to me or anything like that. When I mentioned your name and he said it sounded familiar, he just kind of told me he knew you based on that fact alone. I just… thought it was kind of weird how I didn’t know anything about it myself. You know, after all, we’ve spent nearly every day together for the last four months or so…” 

 

Seungkwan let his eyes roll around dismissively, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s not something that I’d like to broadcasted all around the school, you know. People assume things. They’d hear that ‘Oh, Boo Seungkwan got a free ride to college so his family must be completely destitute’ or something like that. Or they’re gonna think I’m some kind of beggar and only worthy of attending this school because of my singing alone. I mean, think about what  _ Seokmin _ would say. How he’s here, singing his ass off and paying the full price yet I’m basically here on a free pass. ”  

 

Vernon frowned deeply, seeing how much this subject had already caused his roommate quite a lot of distress. He allowed his hand to reach out, brushing through Seungkwan’s soft hair soothingly. “Seungkwan, it isn’t like that. I’m sure they wouldn’t.”

 

“But now aren’t you feeling differently about me too?” Seungkwan voiced out, turning his head to the side enough to let Vernon’s hand slip away from him. “Just because I didn’t tell you, it seems like I’m hiding something, right? You’re probably thinking what kind of family situation I have back in Jeju, and what kind of miracle it would have been for me to run away from whatever life I had there. When in reality, I just have two older sisters also in college and it seemed like the best option to take the opportunity. I don’t want my family to take care of me financially too, especially when they already have my noonas to worry about.” 

 

Seeing his roommate getting quite worked up about it, Vernon could only let out a long sigh. He immediately regretted asking. “I really…..didn’t think you were hiding anything. I only thought it was weird that you didn’t bring it up, especially something as big as that.”

 

“Well, I wasn’t exactly sure how you’d react either. You’re clearly quite different than me, Hansol.” Seungkwan pointed out, fidgeting with his fingers as he tore his gaze away from Vernon’s growingly concerned expression. “Your family is able to send you all the way across the world just because you wanted to. I can hardly get out of Jeju, yet alone Korea.” 

 

Vernon felt guilty for pressing so deeply into the subject now. He’d have to set his pride away this time and admit that he was wrong for asking. And if it was for Seungkwan, what wouldn’t he be willing to do? In one quick movement, arms securely wrapped around his roommate’s smaller form, pulling his body flush against his chest in a tight hug. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Vernon apologized instantly, his tone coming out much softer than before. “I knew I was already overstepping my boundaries when I asked, and I shouldn’t have. But if it helps you just by knowing so, I wouldn’t have thought of you any differently back then. Or even now.” 

 

Before Seungkwan could have fully found himself getting upset from all of the questioning, the warm hug around him seemed to have calmed his nerves quite a bit. He let out a long sigh, allowing his body to rest against Vernon’s own as they continued to lean against the wall. “No, I shouldn’t have gotten so defensive either…I didn’t want to tell you when we first met because, well, I didn’t really know you well enough to judge how you’d react to it. I didn’t want to scare you away or anything like that either. Or make you dislike me. And now that I know you and trust you so much, I should have known that you wouldn’t change your opinion of me, regardless of knowing that or not. Maybe I should have just mentioned it before you found out by someone else like this.” 

 

“I just don’t want you to be upset about this type of thing. We don’t have to talk about it any more.” Vernon promised him with a gentle smile, raising his hand upwards to carefully smooth a strand of hair behind Seungkwan’s ear. As he watched the older male visibly relax more under his touch, he allowed himself to trail his hand down Seungkwan’s soft cheek before resting there. “Let’s forget I ever even asked, okay?”

The eyes that had delicately shut closed for a moment of relaxation slowly opened again, blinking through long eyelashes to lock eyes with Vernon. “I think we just had our first fight?” Seungkwan had realized, a deep from forming on his face. “Maybe if you didn’t stop me, I would have gotten even more insecure and started yelling at you even…” 

 

“Nah, I don’t think so.” Vernon assured him with a quick shake of the head, still allowing his hand to gently caress at Seungkwan’s cheek for this fleeting moment that would surely be over too quickly before it had started. “Let’s not worry about this anymore though. After all, we still have the song to work on. If we don’t get started soon, I’m sure Mingyu will whine about it later on and I don’t necessarily want to hear more than I already have to.” 

 

“Or we could hug for like- a solid hour and say I’m just here for moral support?” Seungkwan jokingly suggested with a laugh but found himself pulling away from Vernon’s embrace anyways. They had to get back to business eventually. As soon as all of these negative feelings could be pushed away, they were quickly on the way to becoming forgotten about. And Vernon had hoped he could make up for some of his guilt for replacing them with more happy memories instead.

 

Seungkwan had an interesting smile on his face, something mixed with a bit of amusement and surprise at the same time as he took a look at the lyrics sheet. “Oh my, you were assigned all of the singing parts in the opening of the song?” 

 

“They’re not singing parts, they’re like a form of a rap-” 

 

“No, no, those are clearly supposed be be sung.” Seungkwan corrected him quickly with a knowing grin, seemingly picking up on the original reason he had been called into the studio in the first place now. “I’m going to assume this is why Mingyu called you hard to work with? You’re too shy to sing in front of people?” 

 

Vernon felt his cheeks heating up due to his misfortune. “Mingyu clearly doesn’t know what he’s talking about…” 

 

“Oh, I think he does. I guess if you don’t think it’s too hard to sing these lines, you could go ahead and sing them for me right now. Off the top of your head please, with no accompaniment.” Seungkwan sat back against the wall expectantly, a mischievous smile on his face that reminded Vernon quite a lot of Jeonghan when he was asking for trouble. These two were probably hanging out way too much now after meeting at the party and realizing they were  a perfect match. 

 

“I don’t even like this song anyways!” Vernon attempted another excuse, still too stubborn for his own good. “If you like it so much, why don’t you sing it instead of me?” 

 

“You think I’d fit in with your little rap group on stage? You’ve gotta be kidding.” Seungkwan scoffed out for a moment before pausing. “Hey, now that you mentioned it, I am kind of good at rapping actually…”

 

“Great, you can take my place then!” 

 

“I can’t- too busy these days.” 

 

“Or maybe Joshua could sing that part instead? You know, he has a pretty great voice too.” 

 

Seungkwan stared at him unamusedly, tapping the pages of lyrics against his leg impatiently. “Vernon Hansol Chwe, just go ahead and sing the lines now. I’ll even do it with you to help you find the right key.” 

 

“.... I think I’d actually rather die.” 

 

“Then let’s make a deal. If you sing during the show and help your teammates out, I’ll give you another kiss.” 

 

Vernon’s head suddenly whipped around to take a look at the male, attempting to read into his expression and figure out if that was an actual guarantee or not. “Wait- really?” 

 

“Yeah, sure. Why not? But if you waste anymore time hesitating to practice right now, the chances of this actually happening will continue to get more slim...” 

 

Now this was tempting. Vernon was getting less and less apprehensive about practicing singing by each second that passed by. His cheeks felt hot and tingly with anticipation as he turned to face Seungkwan one more time. “What’s the...um allowed location of the kiss? Time duration? Any other terms and conditions I should know about?” 

 

Seungkwan just shrugged. “Sing now and you’ll be able to figure out all of that later.” 

 

Vernon was most likely going to do what he was told. He’d hate every second of it, but he was still going to do it. He was practically whipped already.

  
  


…..

Despite putting in quite a lot of practice hours with his team, as well as those less nerve wracking solo practice he managed to work in whenever Seungkwan let their shared room, the Han River Spring Festival still felt like it had arrived too quickly. Sooner than later, Vernon found himself standing on the sidelines of the event stage, trying to peek past Minghao’s tall presence to get a peek at the audience that gathered around to watch the show. All of this was futile though. He couldn’t really manage sneak a peek behind Minghao’s slender fingers that were currently picking around in his hair, using a large amount of some stick product to neatly slick back his locks into a style similar to olden day Elvis. He wasn’t all too sure that this style would suit him, especially since his signature fringe was completely slicked back to reveal his entire forehead to the world for the first time. If he didn’t have to worry about performing in front of this crowd of people, he’d most likely be more hesitant about the style. Thankfully his priorities were elsewhere. 

 

When the quiet Chinese male wasn’t busy styling other socialites in Seoul, he had managed to put some time aside and develop a few of his own original clothing pieces. Despite never attending fashion school before, Vernon assumed he could just start any project he wanted just on the basis of being rich. It must have been nice to have nearly unlimited opportunities based on wealth alone. His starter pieces mostly consisted only a few minimalistically designed oversized sweatshirts, stylishly embellished jeans, and some large rings, but Vernon managed to snag a polished button down with some unique graphic design painted on the back. It seemed to compliment well with his new sleek hairstyle as well, giving Vernon a little more confidence in his appearance today. 

 

Once Minghao had successfully managed to tame all of his hair back and adjusted his clothes to his liking, he nodded accomplished to himself with a confident smile. “You guys are gonna look great out there.” He started out in English, the language being something that Vernon and him were able to share. It turned out that Minghao even preferred using the language compared to his clumby Korean, relieving  him greatly to find that Vernon could speak along with him and ease his worries in making any mistakes. “Compared to the competition, you look like professionals already.” 

 

Vernon smiled to himself smugly from the complement, resisting the habitual urge to run a hand through his hair. “Thanks, but are you sure you really don’t mind doing this for all of us? I mean, I’m grateful but it seems like a lot of work.” 

 

Minghao was quick to shake his head, pulling out his phone and taking a few body shots of Vernon’s outfit. “Why would I refuse some free publicity? You guys wear my clothes, subtly promote them during your performance, that’s practically free promotion on my end. Then I can take all these pictures and advertise again on my instagram. You’re basically my free models as well!” His comment made Vernon let out a laugh. “Anyways, go on and see Jeonghan. He’s got some finishing touches for you.” 

 

Making sure to quickly thank him again, Vernon did as he was told and scurried off to find the older male, easily picking him out of the crowd of other performers waiting the sidelines. Jeonghan was quite hard to miss with that signature hair, as well as the fact that he was currently lethargically sitting on the ground while everyone was standing up. Vernon plopped down beside him with a small smile, a bit hesitant in his approach.This was the first time he’s seen the male after learning everything that went down with Joshua and he seemed to be holding up well enough. 

 

“I was sent to you by the special orders of Minghao.” Vernon gave him a mock salute in order to break some of the awkward tension that might have lingered in the air between them. “So what needs to be done before I’m stage ready?” 

 

“Just some powder. It’s not exactly makeup so don’t complain, but yet it kind of is at the same time.” Jeonghan replied with a small chuckle, urging for Vernon to scoot over closer so he could start patting some kind of sponge against his cheek. “It’s so you won’t like shiny or sweaty on stage.” 

 

As the male meticulously made sure to blend in the product all the way, Vernon’s eyes found themselves scanning over the male’s features somewhat curiously. He almost expected there to be some telltale sign of the recent confrontation between Joshua and himself, but there was almost nothing. Other than slightly tired eyes, Jeonghan seemed just like his usual self in the presence of all of their mutual friends. Maybe he was handling all of this better than Vernon had original thought.

 

“I don’t like keeping secrets,” Vernon started out, keeping his eyes shut to let Jeonghan blend in a section near his forehead. “...and I know what happened after the party, because Joshua told me everything. He’s pretty, um… fucked up about it.” 

 

His eyes peeked open long enough to watch Jeonghan visibly pause in his actions, swallowing harshly to himself. “Well, what he said wasn’t… a complete lie. It still hurt though, to hear the words directly from his mouth though. Especially after how gentle he usually is and how soft he usually treats me…” 

 

As the male trailed off, almost getting lost in his emotions, Vernon spoke up again in an attempt to distract him. “I believe there are certain things you shouldn’t say. Not ever. Not even in an argument when things get bad.” 

 

Jeonghan let out a noise that was somewhat reminiscent of a bitter laugh, raising a hand upwards to push his hair back out of his face. “Of course, but he already did that. The damage is done.” 

 

“Are you going to forgive him?” 

 

That question caused Jeonghan to pause for quite a while. Allowing his tongue to trace over his lower lip in a moment of pensiveness. “I’m not too sure of that yet. I’ve thought about it constantly, hell, I even almost stopped by his room to talk it out more but I changed my mind at the last moment. It would be so easy just to run back to him like nothing happened. That’s what my heart seems to want.” He admitted a bit regretfully, almost ashamedly tearing his eyes away from Vernon’s own. “But if I run back to him, what does that make me? Does that admit that I agree with that name he called me?” 

 

  
“I wouldn’t hold it against you. You know, if you made the choice to forgive him.” Vernon cleared his throat, moving to let one of his arms wrap around the male’s shoulder supportively, in which Jeonghan seemed to crack slightly into a smile and lean against his hold. “I’m also not exactly telling you that you should run back to him either, but he’s Joshua. I really don’t think he has a mean bone in his whole body. Maybe the alcohol got the best of him that night and he lost control of himself.” 

 

Jeonghan’s head tipped to the side, the long strands of auburn hair tickling against Vernon’s neck in a way that made him slightly itchy. “Hmm, it’s just all… so unlike him. I was the first to try to reach out to him. He’s ignored my messages completely, not even opened them to read. We still have classes together and he hasn’t even looked in my direction. I was almost waiting for him to come back and apologize to me first.” 

 

“From what I heard, he’s really blaming himself for all of this. And he should be. What he did wasn’t okay at all so he should definitely be doing some reflecting about it. But… maybe he’s pushing you away because he thinks he’s punishing himself by ceasing all contact.” 

 

“That’s stupid. But it’s something that he would totally do.” Jeonghan responded with a small little laugh, finding something amusing about it even though it wasn’t funny at all. “He just...always thinks he’s doing the best thing for me by trying to control things like this. In reality, I wish he could be more honest with his feelings and let us just fall in love naturally, you know?” 

 

Vernon didn’t exactly know what he was referring to but he nodded along anyways. The male’s head was still plopped down on his shoulder comfortably, so Vernon paused to give his head a little pat. Affection with anyone other than Seungkwan was always kind of confusing to him. Maybe Jeonghan picked up on his awkwardness because he let out a light and airy chuckle. 

 

“Just… take care of him for me, alright? I know he’s the type of beat himself up on the inside.” 

 

In almost a wordless promise, Vernon nodded his head firmly. “By the way, he’s not here today so you shouldn’t have to worry about running into him… He said something about some fundraiser at his church but- I’m starting to think that’s just an excuse. I mean, who would wanna miss my first attempt at public humiliation with singing?” 

 

“Oh, shut up. I’m sure you’ll do just fine.” Jeonghan had replied back with a click of his tongue, moving to go in to ruffle the younger boy’s hair but stopping when he realized it was all styled up and he couldn’t exactly do so anymore. He settled for an affectionate pinch to the cheek instead. 

 

Walking up to the two of them seated on the ground, Lee Chan had approached them with his cheeks filled with food, gripping an oversized churro in his hand. “Jeonghan-hyung, it’s getting crowded. We better go and find a seat soon.” 

 

Jeonghan’s eyes visibly lit up as he eyed the sweet dessert, or Lee Chan, one of the two. He quickly bounced up from his current position to share a bite of the churro without asking, not even earning somewhat of a glance from the younger male. Perhaps he was used to it. The actions made Vernon bite back a smile to himself. It was interesting how they were quite apart in age yet seemed like the best of friends. In the back of his mind he wondered if him and Seungkwan gave people the same impression. Speaking of Seungkwan though… 

 

“Hey, did you manage to see Seungkwan out there in the crowd?” Vernon spoke up curiously, wondering when his roommate was going to arrive. He promised to come and support him at this event, and Vernon was debating whether or not Seungkwan’s presence would be calming or make him even more nervous. He was silently praying it would be the former.

 

Chan’s expression changed to almost a smirk, laughing under his breath. “Heh, who wouldn’t be able to spot him? He’s in the front row with those two friends of his. You’ll be able to spot them in a second. They’re the only ones who showed up with a giant poster of a diamond on it.” 

 

“Oh, no lightsticks though?” Jeonghan asked, his lips ever so slightly pouting out. “In our texts I told Seungkwannie to pick up some lightsticks since it’s gonna be dark soon and maybe hard to find us in the crowd.” 

 

Chan shot a skeptically look in his direction. “That’s because they don’t make diamond colored lightsticks, dumbass. What do you wanna do, wave a clear lookin light around?” 

 

Despite still being in highschool and talking to Jeonghan so unrestrictedly like this, the other male didn’t seem to care too much. “And what color would you assume a diamond to be? A diamond doesn’t even have a color!” Jeonghan let his eyes widen in exclamation as he bickered back. “No, so the most logical option would be to get a white lightstick!” 

 

“What does a white lightstick even look like- just a fuckin’ flashlight?” 

 

As the two males went back and forth with their mini play-fight, Vernon made his way over to the curtained banner that kept the participants hidden from the audience members and peeked behind it. Surely enough, there was Seungkwan, Seokmin and Soonyoung. Right in the front row with their handmade poster and little white glowing lightsticks. Vernon covered his face with his hands, one because he wanted to facepalm at the secondhand embarrassment but also from the increasingly heated blush forming on his face. 

  
  


. . . . . 

 

It was late in the evening somewhere along the edge of the Han River Park, with the warm sun gradually starting to set for the day. The weather had been perfect today, bringing quite a lot of people to the park today for whatever leisure activities they planned for the day, but the live music acts caught their attention and made them hang around longer than expected. Along with the spectators that had seemingly just walked by and decided to stay out of curiosity, Vernon could clearly make out his little group of fans in the front row. 

 

As he had stepped out on stage for the first time with his team, everything was almost like a blur. The stage lights were too bright. He couldn’t exactly adjust his eyesight so quickly because of the contrast in darkening sky all around him. Throughout their whole introduction, which was lead perfectly and charismatically by Seungcheol without flaw, he was practically blind and staring off into space in order to finally orient himself. It all felt kind of surreal to him. How he was just standing on stage and having all these people watching him but somehow he still felt numb. It only felt real when his body adjusted to the spotlight and managed to pick out his friends. 

 

There was Seungkwan of course, with Seokmin and Soonyoung helping him support the neon giant poster with all their names written on it. Jeonghan was in the crowd as well, waving his arms around his head excitedly to get their attention while Chan held their multiple snacks on the side. Minghao was there as well, with a brilliant smile on his face and his phone out and ready to record for the whole group. Vernon was even shocked to see Jihoon there as well, with his arms crossed over his chest and a cap covering most of his face, but there was still a little proud smile on his face. 

 

Their background music started before he could fully get used to these nerves. He felt sick to his stomach. Knees locked up completely. His heartbeat physically stopped. And then somehow he moved. Without even knowing how he did it, things just started to click. His body was going through the motion’s by itself, robotically based on countless hours of practice before. Thankfully, the opening vocal singing parts were also recorded on top of the track in order to prevent from any obvious voice cracks or tone mistakes, a clear savior from Jihoon’s part. He was pretty sure he started singing on one beat late, but thankfully it wasn’t too noticeable from the crowd. 

 

As his friends took their turns in rapping, or running around the small little stage to interact with the crowd in the meantime, this distracted Vernon’s nerves quite a bit. It was best to leave the fan service moments for Seungcheol and Mingyu anyways. They could put on little acts with the girls in the audience, like playfully holding their hand while continuing to wrap, or shoot little winks into the audience member's direction. Jeonghan practically pissed himself laughing when Seungcheol jumped down off the stage right in front of their group and kissed the back of Jihoon’s hand. The targeted male didn’t seem to find it as too funny and nearly wanted to die of public embarrassment. 

 

As for Wonwoo and Vernon themselves, they preferred to keep their actions focused on the actual rapping itself. Wonwoo would occasionally shoot a look at the audience to get the girls screaming, but Vernon didn’t exactly know how to emote so expressively like that. The most that he could do is try to act as relaxed and chill as possible, trying to come off like his raps were effortless. He only managed to meander over to his friend’s side of the stage near the end of the performance, which made a small smile start tugging at the corner of his lips and kind of messed up his concentration of things, but it warmed his heart nonetheless. 

 

Just as rapidly as it had started, the performance was over in what felt like a split second. Even though he clearly had memories of doing all of it, it still seemed like a dreamlike fantasy of ever happening. His body could feel him going through all of the actions but his mind was still trying to catch up with the adrenaline. Even after returning to the backstage area to get some water, and even still as they were called out to return to the stage for the final results, Vernon still couldn’t believe he did something as gutsy as that. And he didn’t even mess up once. 

 

They didn’t win first. Some huge dance team of middle school girls won, which was rightfully fine by them. But they succeeded in winning the second place prize of a luxury meat set so that was fine enough for their standards. 

 

There was a flurry of embraces and excited words from their whole friend group as soon as they met up after the friend group. All four of the unit members were smushed in a tight group hug by all of their school friends, to the point where Vernon didn’t even know who exactly he was hugging or who was patting his head or whatever else. The attention and compliments made his heart soar, feeling all light and warm in complete and utter happiness. Not only did his friends love the performance, but he was mostly proud of himself for finally making an improvement of himself and his insecurities. 

 

It was a blur in the best possible way, with lots of screaming and overwhelming words of cheer. Seungcheol clutched their prize to his chest proudly with promises to have a cookout tomorrow night. Jeonghan was crying for some reason, which made Mingyu cry too. Soonyoung was doing some imitation of a particular dance move and trying to rap, making Seokmin and Wonwoo crack up. Jihoon was just discussing something with Minghao but he had one of the most bright smiles on his face that Vernon had ever seen from him. 

 

As for Vernon, he kept on turning his head around, trying to peek behind all of his friend’s wild actions in order to find someone in particular. His special person. He almost felt kind of hurt for some reason as it was hard to find his roommate at first, but right before he could worry someone tapped his back from behind. 

“Congrats, Hansol-ah. I knew you could do it.” Seungkwan had a beautiful smile on his lips, perhaps one of the best Vernon’s seen from him ever. A small bouquet of flowers was pushed into his hands before he could realize what the object was, making him blink a few times as the light pastel flowers that he’d been given. “Now that you went through all that worry and stress about singing, doesn’t it seem so futile now? I told you that you were going to be fine.” 

 

Seungkwan gave him flowers and he was complimenting him. Before he could even mentally tell himself to act cool, Vernon’s smile was wide enough that it practically reached his ears. His heart was so happy in this moment, almost ready to burst from all these feelings from today that he just wanted to scoop Seungkwan up in his arms and never let him go. Maybe he’d even pick him up and swing him around in an excited little circle like he was people do in movies. Just maybe. 

 

Before he could even mutter out a word of thanks to his roommate, his hand was being pulled. Seungkwan was leading the way to somewhere, his warm hand enveloping Vernon’s own as they strode away from the crowded group of people, away from the busy atmosphere and watchful eyes of all their friends and the general public. There was a slight skip in his step. Hell, maybe they were on a full on run away from everyone back there. Vernon didn’t know and he didn’t care. He’d probably follow Seungkwan anywhere without question. 

 

He was led to an area of the riverside that was a bit more quiet, away from all of the food carts or bike vendors that drew in crowds of people. As for destination, Seungkwan didn’t seem all too sure of where he was going to either, his eyes darting around the area cautiously to take in their surroundings. Eventually as they approached a somewhat large tree, Vernon raised a curious eyebrow up as they simply stood in front of it. 

 

“That’s….um… a pretty nice tree, Seungkwan.” 

 

Seungkwan rolled his eyes around, not out of anger but of amusement from the stupid remark. “The tree is not the reason why we’re over here. We’re over here because I wanted to get you alone and out of sight of all the other people.” 

 

Hearing that Seungkwan wanted to be alone with him perked his ears up slightly, but he still couldn’t stop from letting out another remark. “If you want to get me alone that doesn’t mean you’re gonna make me climb the tree then, right? Because I mean, um, I’m down for an adventure if you are but I’m kind of exhausted from today....” 

 

“You’re ridiculous, Hansol.” Seungkwan’s head tipped to the side as he let out a long sigh, letting his hands rest on his hips as he took a step forward towards Vernon. In which Vernon responded by taking another one back. Natural relex. Seungkwan still made him nervous sometimes. 

 

Continuing in taking small steps towards him, Seungkwan let out a small chuckle of endearment as Vernon visibly stiffened up quite a bit. Even as Seungkwan allowed himself to wrap his arms around his waist to prevent him from backing away anymore, Vernon couldn’t compose himself and ended up squeezing his eyes shut for whatever reason, making Seungkwan giggle with full on laughter. 

 

“Come on, Hansol-ah. Why are you so scared around me all of the sudden?” Seungkwan asked him, clearly finding some amusement out of this situation as he played around with Vernon. He reached up to pat at his cheek, trying to get the younger male to relent and finally open his eyes again. 

 

Vernon did. But he could only glance off into somewhere else in the distance. With Seungkwan clutching onto him like this and looking up at him so closely, with those stupid beautiful eyes expectantly locked onto him like that, he knew his resolve would melt within seconds. Then he’d get all flustered and look stupid all over again. “Now I know why you brought me out here…” He mumbled under his breath, almost coming out like a whine. 

 

Seungkwan’s head tipped to the side, a whimsical smile on his face as he blinked upwards at Vernon. “Hm, are you sure you know why? Let me know what you’re thinking.” He prodded on, the arms around Vernon’s waist clutching on tighter. 

 

“Because you promised me something…” 

 

“I did?” Seungkwan pretended to act coy. “What was that.” 

 

Vernon felt a rush of heat to his cheeks. “D-Don’t make me say it. It’s embarrassing. I don’t like when you mess around with me like this.” 

 

“You think kissing me is embarrassing?” 

 

“I didn’t say that…” 

 

“After all this work I did to find us somewhere private… away from so many people who crowd around the Han River on a spring night...to find this one tree actually large enough to hide us out of view…” Almost in challenging Seungkwan started to ramble on, his lips slight starting to pout out in a show of mock stubbornness. “You know, Korea isn’t that progressive yet in regards to public displays of affection between males. I mean, we have this moment with absolutely no one around or able to see us. It would be a shame if a group of people were to walk by and ruin this moment. And the fact that I promised you and everything? It would mean I was going back on my promise if I didn’t do anything-”

 

Using that rare moment when Seungkwan was distracted, completely wrapped up in his own thoughts to even pay attention to Vernon’s actions, Vernon swept the other male up in his arms and deeply pressed their lips together. The arms that wound around Seungkwan’s form only pulled him closer, to the point where their lips were impossibly close to each other, not a single area untouched. Vernon kissed him so deeply that he didn’t even know where he started and Seungkwan began. He kissed him so intently that his knees went completely weak and the whole world went kind of numb to all his senses, the only thing left behind were intoxicatingly warm lips brushing against his own tingling ones. 

 

This wasn’t like their first kiss, not filled with innocent wants of exploration or trying to test the waters out. It wasn’t like their second kiss either, not a soft peck that shared their mutual affection for each other. This was a real kiss. The type of kiss that would reveal all of his hidden feelings for the male. To expose everything out in the open for the first time. His lips would convey all the emotions that his words were too complicated to work with. 

 

Seungkwan let out a delayed gasp from Vernon’s bold actions, the quick intake of air coming more from Vernon’s breath than his own as reality finally caught up to him. He made no move to stop Vernon though. His arms stayed in place, not moving from his embrace around Vernon’s midsection, but they might have slackened somewhat as Vernon moved to cup his cheek and pull him in closer. Subtly taking a step in his direction and ever so slightly rising up on his tiptoes, Seunkwan was careful enough not to break the kiss that Vernon had given to him. He even allowed his body to fully relax under the soft touches, to the point where a light sigh of contentment slipped past his lips and landed on Vernon’s own. 

 

With Seungkwan’s chin still gingerly being controlled by his own fingertips, Vernon pulled away before he fully lost control of himself, his breathing already heavy and uneven before he had even gotten started with trying to show Seungkwan how much he meant to him. Words would have to be used instead. “Seungkwan, I have something that I’ve been wanting to tell you for some time now.”

 

In this moment Vernon swore for the rest of his life that he’d remember this. That he’d never forget how utterly amazing Seungkwan looked to him right now. Of how much his heart swelled to share this moment with him. With plump lips still parted from their actions before, almost just as breathless as Vernon was to the point of his cheeks flushed pink from the rushing emotions, with those beautiful rich eyes searching for some sort of answer already. Vernon eased another soft kiss onto his lips before his voicing out his confession.

 

“Boo Seungkwan, I have feelings for you. I like you. So much more than friends, more than roommates. I like you  _ so _ damn much.” 

 


	14. dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vernon and seungkwan finally have a much needed talk, minghao presents a new opportunity for the group, and vernon gets kind of lost with his decision regarding his feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! thanks for coming back for another chapter of Our Twenties. 
> 
> i rushed a bit on this one because i'm flying out of the country TONIGHT and frantically prepared it amidst all my packing and such. 
> 
> i'm still not sure what next week's update schedule will be. s.korea has better internet than america anyways, but i always get super bad jetlag so who knows if i'll be able to productively write? i was planning to write some on the airplane but like... depends if the people next to me speak english or not. if they speak english there's no way in hELL i'm writing a fic on an airplane. either way, i'm going to work my hardest to try and update something next week. 
> 
> also i love seungkwan so much and all these updates are making me so emotional bc i love him and he;s so sweet. talk to me about seungkwan more @citruseungkwan on tumblr.

Vernon had confessed before, but things back in his hometown were quite different. Usually the process of dating consisted of showing interest in a particular girl, telling his friends that he found her attractive, and then forcefully pushed into meet by mutual friends. Maybe he’d approach a potential date with small talk at a party or something, or after one of his basketball games at school. If the attraction was still there, maybe they’d text on and off throughout the week to see if there was really some connection, and if the girl was into him as well then maybe they’d end up kissing in a movie theatre or hooking up at the next house party. With most other things in high school, the whole process seemed quite shallow and superficial. Rather than pursuing real feelings and genuine interactions, basing some kind of falsified self image on how many girls he could pursue in four years left a lot of things to miss out on.

The previous confessions that usually spewed from his lips were rather meaningless. Small comments about physical features were usually enough to capture the attentions of most high school girls. He’d whisper something about a girl having pretty eyes, or a nice smile, and after that she’d probably fall for it and stick by his side for the rest of the party or continuously show up to his games. It was an easy game. A typical one that most of his friend group participated in. Like how many girls could they convince to show up to basketball practice sessions? Or who would be able to work in the most hookups within a month? All of this now seemed so incredibly pointless and completely faltered in comparison to the weight of his current confession.

He had become a different person now. The time he spent in Korea had almost fully detached himself from the ties of his past. Now, the new person he was on the way to becoming was going to be as honest and sincere as possible to make up for all the time wasted. Confessing to Seungkwan came along with this new perspective he had been forming, but he had never estimated how painful it would actually feel to convey those words. It was exciting and anxious and somehow heart wrenching all in the same, and for a second he even felt the urge to cry. It had been a long time dealing with these emotions, throughout such a struggling period of self doubt and discovery, but he had finally did it. Seungkwan finally knew how he felt.

The arms that had been securely fastened around Seungkwan’s waist made no move to draw away, not faltering after this confession at all. He was nervous. More than ever in his whole life. But every worry that lingered in his mind, body, and spirit was immediately cleansed when Seungkwan smiled at him. That small gesture of a sincere smile, so pure that it only ached his heart even more, was enough to make Vernon believe that he’d do nearly anything in his power to keep Seungkwan this happy for as long as he could.

Seungkwan had been embracing him this whole time as well, only now choosing to move away to let his hands find Vernon’s own. Momentarily he had bit back against his own smile from growing, perhaps only noticing now that Vernon’s hands had been shaking this whole time. Still, his hands traveled over Vernon’s own and rubbed warmly over his skin, heating him up and lingering there to hold him still in the process.   
“Hansol-ah, I think we have some things to talk about…” Seungkwan had started out tentatively, his head tipping to the side as he kept his eyes locked onto Vernon’s own. “Maybe we have for awhile now. But either way, I don’t think we should wait any longer.”

Vernon could only respond with a single nod of agreement before Seungkwan took the lead in heading towards a nearby bench against the riverside. The sun had almost completely set at this point to leave a chilly night air to linger over the area, a subtle breeze from the waterside sending most of the park’s visitors back to their homes for the night. It was just the two of them there on that bench. And maybe in this moment, it felt like they were the only people who existed in the world. Facing the rippling water and the backdrop of the city that slowly illuminated up as the night stretched onwards, there was nearly complete silence despite an occasional biker that sped past.

Seungkwan’s eyes followed the direction of the person that drove past them, his expectant lips with a response paused only long enough for the figure to go out of view before working himself up to speak again. Maybe he was just as nervous as Vernon was. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the male’s fingers picking absentmindedly at the wooden bench.

“I’m thankful.” He started off slowly, the words being something almost completely unexpected from Vernon’s side of things as he turned to head to face the male. “I’m thankful that you really have these feelings for me, Hansol-ah. I’m so thankful that I could have met you and we’ve grown so close like this because I’m honestly more comfortable around you than people I’ve known for my whole life.”

Vernon stared down at his own hands that had settled absentmindedly in his lap, moving around and fiddling in meaningless patterns as he let himself fully comprehend Seungkwan’s words. They seemed too perfect that it only made him worry. He knew there was going to be some hesitation coming on sooner than later, or a “but..” added on somewhere on the end of all of this. His teeth sunk into his lower lip, already mentally preparing himself for whatever would follow.

“You feel it too, don’t you?” Seungkwan had questioned him with resolute sincerity in his eyes, leaning ever so slightly into Vernon’s personal space to get a more clear look at his expression. They way his rich dark eyes were looking so searchingly into his own made Vernon’s heart flutter nervously. “We’re perfect for each other in a way that doesn’t compare to anything I’ve never experienced before with anyone else. I’ve just… always thought in the back of my mind that maybe you and me have a bond that will never compare to anything else. Like you’re my person. The one that I was waiting to meet someday.”

There was something wistful in Seungkwan’s eyes as he stared off into the distance, the carefully thought out and pre-planned words flowing out from his lips much like a well kept secret that couldn’t be held any longer. His words were so personal that this was certainly the most intimate moment they’ve shared before. A few kisses and an endless amount of hugs seemed like nothing in comparison to this glimpse inside of Seungkwan’s true feelings. For some reason, Vernon felt an immense urge to convey his feelings in return, as these words were the complete truth to him as well. His hand slid over the bench to meet Seungkwan’s own.

The action caused Seungkwan to tear his gaze away from the distance and glance down at the hand on top of his own, finding himself smiling softly from the action. “You know, it would make sense with how comfortable I feel these days, if you really were a person that I was meant to meet… but I’m more restless than ever before as well.” Seungkwan admitted in a smaller voice, his hand shifting slightly under Vernon’s own as he tore his eyes away to glance up at the darkening sky again. “I’m scared, Hansol. I’m scared that you hold so much meaning to me already. You have all the power in the world to make me happy with your presence, and then rip it all away if you were to leave me. We’re too close- to the point where I don’t even know if I can be without you anymore. What happens if I take the steps to fall for you and get even more attached than I already am?”

Vernon wasn’t sure whether the darkening night sky had been deceiving him but as Seungkwan let out the smallest noise of a sob, he was almost sure that he had seen small delicate droplets of tears cascading down his cheeks. In only a second, he was scooting to the male’s side of the bench with his fingertips already working away to collect each drop, gently preventing any one of them from spilling over.

Something about the sincerity of Seungkwan’s actions made Vernon’s heart feel completely warm on the inside, a touched smile on his face as leaned closer to take care of Seungkwan. “You don’t have to cry, Seungkwan. I’m right here with you. I’m not leaving, nor do I have any plans of leaving. You won’t have to be without me because I’m not going anywhere.”

His reassurance only made Seungkwan cry harder, new hot tears of emotion bubbling up in his eyes. “You’re too kind to me, really.” He managed to admit through a sniffle, his hands moving upwards to cover at his face. “You don’t have to be so kind- and sweet and perfect to me like this. It only makes it harder for me to tell you that I’m not ready to decide yet.”

“But I want to, so I guess you’re stuck with me, huh?” Vernon admitted with a small whisper close to Seungkwan’s ear, moving to brush some of the male’s hair gently. “You’ve heard what I’ve had to say, I like you Seungkwan. What you intend to do about my feelings doesn’t exactly matter in the end because I just wanted to finally let you know. You don’t know to make any decision.”

“... I didn’t know. I really didn’t know. I mean- until the first time we kissed but...” Seungkwan trailed off, lowering his hands somewhat in order to brush away all of the stubborn tears that still fell from his eyes, pausing for some reason suddenly “There were moments where I wondered we were too close or not, or what you really thought of me but I tried to convince myself otherwise because, well...can we speak platonically here, and you have to promise me you won’t get scared off by whatever I say?”

“Sure, I’ll promise. No worries.”

Seungkwan turned his head to the side to face him fully, not wasting a single second before voicing out his thoughts. “As another fellow person and as my best friend in the whole entire world, I love you, Hansol Vernon Chwe.”

That particular word was something Vernon had not been expecting to hear. The shock caused his heart to completely shut down for a moment. He was pretty sure he stopped breathing too. Without knowing how to act according to normal like his usual self and prevent the surprise from visibly showing on his face, his lips moved to say something but they just kind of hung open. Perhaps Seungkwan picked up on some of this total moment of awe, as he moved his hand to gently settle on Vernon’s cheek, pulling his attention back to his eyes before continuing to explain.

“Don’t get scared by that, I don’t mean it in the way that I’m already in love with you. Not that there would be anything wrong with actually loving you that way, but… I think you can understand what I mean by those words.” Seungkwan decided like he knew him better than he even knew himself, and in fact he probably did. He’d never really thought about it so openly before, but the two of them absolutely adored each other in the most innocent and pure of ways. A truly special bond that Vernon would undoubtedly be able to find with anyone else. It was certain they shared that kind of love between them, yet actually putting those feelings into words was a whole new concept.

It was kind of embarrassing and difficult for Vernon to find his own words. He’d never actually told anyone outside of his small group of immediate family members that he’d loved them before. With Seungkwan’s hand still cupping against his cheek and preventing him from tearing his gaze away, Vernon could only respond by clearing his voice. He was already flushing and he was sure Seungkwan could feel it too. “I understand what you meant, but it was still kind of, uh, surprising to hear it out loud. If I’m being completely honest, none of my friends ever said something like that to me before but I- um- I love you too, Seungkwan. In the same exact way.”

Hearing the words only seemed to soothe some of Seungkwan’s worries ever so slightly, the tears that had been freely flowing out from his eyes now calming down. Despite the grateful smile of happiness that had blossomed after hearing the sweet words, there were still some underlying things weighing on his mind. He took a deep breath as he continued on.

“That’s what makes this such a hard decision for me, Hansol-ah…” His fingertips brushed over the skin of Vernon’s cheek slowly, traveling over every miniscule area of skin like it meant the whole world to him to feel it under his touch. “You’re already my everything. You’re my Hansol. It’s a huge risk to let things continue the way they’re going, to open up myself to you even more and allow you to like me-”

“But how do you feel about me?” Vernon found himself interrupting the male before he could stop himself, the curiosity getting the best of him. “You never mentioned anything about whether you liked me back or not.”

This made Seungkwan visibly pause, biting the tip of his tongue for a moment as he carefully tried to collect his words so that none of his feelings could be misinterpreted. “I’ve only… started thinking about you in that way as of recently-”

Vernon’s head lolled to the side in questioning. “So does that mean… before the kiss or after?”

“I would say mostly definitely after, but it’s crossed my mind a few times before.” Seungkwan admitted honestly, adding his next comment quickly to ease some of Vernon’s worries. “When we met I thought you were straight so I never really thought about taking things to the next level like that. But there were a few moments where you made me wonder if we had more between us despite that. Because I would catch something in the way you looked at me. Or how sometimes you got quiet and hesitated when I moved to close to you. Before I could really think about asking you about how you felt, I told myself I must be imagining things or maybe we were spending too much time together and it was messing with my head.”

Vernon didn’t exactly blame him for being so hesitant in dealing with this. Maybe it was partly his fault for not telling Seungkwan about his changing feelings for awhile now, or maybe he should have mentioned that he was a tiny bit interested in guys. Well, those guys being none other than Seungkwan himself. He could see how this sudden change in behavior these past few weeks could have caused enough confusion. Vernon licked his lips tentatively, finally coming clean with things. “Well, I think I have some explaining to do too. When I said I might have some interest in guys, that wasn’t exactly completely true. I ended up developing feelings for only you, to the point where if you were a guy or a girl it wouldn’t really matter much either way. I guess it’s just… you that I like.”

Seungkwan watched him shrug once because of lack of better words, letting out a small chuckle of amusement from watching him struggle to explain these things. Pausing to take a small glance around the area of the park that only lasted a few seconds, Vernon blinked curiously as Seungkwan’s arms tightly wrapped around his neck in a sudden hug, their bodies pulled together on the small expanse of the bench. The older male nearly had to climb somewhat onto Vernon’s own body in order to hug him naturally, fighting against the awkward seating position in order to approach him face to face. There was an adoring smile on Seungkwan’s lips, the same one spreading to Vernon’s own lips from the sight alone.

“I always knew you were perfect for me, but I haven’t exactly allowed myself to explore these types of feelings about you yet. Especially how I always pushed them away from happening because I thought you were straight. But as for the last few weeks, after the kiss and all, I’ve been thinking about things a little more and…I’m really happy with how things are developing between us.” Seungkwan’s touch had moved upwards towards Vernon’s slicked back hair, still in place from his performance earlier that way. As the older male took his sweet time in daintily letting himself explore Vernon so closely under his fingertips, tracing unrestrictedly over the slight hairs that had fallen out of place, or moving to smooth back his soft hairline, Vernon’s eyes had found themselves shutting closed out of of sheer relaxedness. “This is all still so new to me. I need a little more time to think things through and decide. Do you think you could give me that?”

Vernon had his answer already. He didn’t need to think anything through or deal with any lingering doubts. He was already absolutely certain he wouldn’t change his mind on this. “I can wait. As long as you need, Seungkwan.”

The words were almost like an unofficial promise that lingered somewhere unknown between space and time, but both of them were certain that they would be upkeeping their part of the deal. The bench creaked as Seungkwan took the moment to lean forward and press his lips softly against Vernon’s forehead. Then to settle onto his temple. Then move to leave a trail of light feathery kisses down his cheek. So naturally Vernon spun his head to the side more quickly than Seungkwan could prepare for and ended up succeeding in placing a chaste kiss onto his lips.

With a sudden noise of surprise and the eruption of giggles that followed after, and the hiding of Seungkwan’s face in the collar of his shirt, this made Vernon happier like nothing else possibly could have. If they could be like this from now on- just exactly like this, waiting a little while longer didn’t seem like too much of a sacrifice. Perhaps he’d even wait forever.

. . . . . .

Vernon had been returning back to his dorm room after a particularly light day of school work. Things were going pretty good these days, with his studies, with his friend group, with his accomplishments in the hip hop unit- and especially so with Seungkwan. Life was looking up for Vernon in all aspects, to the point where there was almost a skip in his step and his backpack felt nearly weightless. He was halfway through the journey back home before he noticed someone with bright red hair behind the glass of their university’s cafe window.

And with such intricate clothes as this male was wearing, he was almost absolutely sure that was Minghao.

He spun on his heel and headed inside the cafe to check his suspicions, and when the person glanced up, Vernon was pleasantly surprised to see that he was right.

“What are you doing here? You’re not even a student.” Vernon greeted him first with an attempt at an intricate handshake that the two of them had made up somewhere along the course of their friendship. He wasn’t sure how they started it but now it was sort of ingrained in his memory to do it every single time they met up. It seemed like Minghao enjoyed things like this, especially so with the amused grin that formed on his relatively stoic face.

“Meeting with Jihoon today.”

“About what?”

Minghao cocked an eyebrow up, a grin still on his features. “Are you sure that you want to know? Wouldn’t that ruin the surprise?”

Vernon contemplated for a second but expectantly slid into the booth with his friend anyways. He couldn’t really care less about when he’d find out. “Well, I happen to be completely free for the day so I could hang around for a few minutes and talk.”

“I’m sure Jihoon will be pissed if I reveal it early, but I don’t actually care. I’m not afraid of him like all the rest of you are.” He scoffed and crossed his lean arms over his chest, making Vernon let out a laugh.

“Hey, nobody is actually afraid of him- They just don’t want to listen to any unnecessary bitching and face the consequences of getting on his bad side.”

“Anyways, here’s the news,” Minghao started out without any hesitation, which was something Vernon liked quite a lot about him. He was just as relaxed as Vernon was himself, which made him easy to talk to and spend time with. They were a good pair that met under rather strange circumstances, but they got along together quite effortlessly to the point where Minghao was just chill to be around. “Since I came to Korea, I’ve been trying to work on a few different projects to advance towards my career. Whether that be maintaining my online following, modeling for some indie clothing brands, working toward developing my own clothes, you know all of the details.”

“So, uh… if you’re meeting with Jihoon does that mean you want to write a song?” Vernon trailed off skeptically, earning an eyeroll from his friend.

“I’m not anywhere near qualified for that- But anyways, I’ve been wanting to start a new business venture. Especially one more stable than relying on model calls and something more quick to generate income instead of designing clothes, trying to promote them, working my ass off to sell them. It’s a long and excruciating process.” Minghao listed on and on, dragging the information out dramatically during his explanation. “So I’ve been working towards a new project with some other business partners about my age. The information and details are almost finalized, but I can’t mention anything due to legality or whatever else opening up a public business entails, but here’s the main idea. We’re thinking of opening a club nearby. One that’s restricted to college students only so that there won’t be any creeps in the club trying to predate on all the young girls. It’s a brilliant idea actually. We’d check for student ID’s at the entrance to keep out all the forty year olds.”

“You mean like a night club? Damn, it must be nice to have filthy rich parents to the point where you can just decide to open a club on such a whim.” Vernon replied with a bit of sarcasm, earning a shove in the side from Minghao before continuing on seriously. “Nah, but in all honesty, it seems like a pretty interesting idea. There’s too many students around here so I’m sure that you’ll be able to make quite a lot of money off of them. And of course we’ll come out and support you there. Just hook us up with one of those VIP tables.”

“Of course I would.” Minghao laughed to himself lightly, flicking his hair out of his eyes briefly. “But here’s where Jihoon is involved… I already consulted him about making some playlists to use in the club, but we were also thinking of getting you guys to come and perform there. Like only a few songs or whatever. I mean, it’s a club for college students so it makes sense that the entertainment consists of college students performing.”

Vernon raised an incredulous eyebrow at his friend before flopping down on the table dramatically. “Another live performance? Do you guys want to actually kill me from all the pre-performance stress? Damn, I even said I’d be willing to support you in your business endeavour and this is what you want from me instead...”

“Stop complaining. You were fine last time.”

“Even though I was fine I was pretty sure that I wanted to literally die the whole time.”

“You’re just being overdramatic. I saw how happy you looked up there.” Minghao rolled his eyes around before happening to catch a glance of someone else from across the room, a slow grin forming on his face as he recognized the person. “Well, speak of the devil himself.”

“‘Sorry I’m late.” A mint green haired Jihoon pushed his way into Minghao’s side of the booth with a slight huff. “Some girl stopped me in the hallway to ask me a billion questions about some essay and I just couldn’t get away. And despite being late, I’ve always strongly believed in never running somewhere to get there on time. Therefore I just took my sweet time and walked here instead.”

As Vernon’s eyes took a good look at the tall and lanky Minghao with bright red hair currently sitting next to the more short and stocky Jihoon with green hair, he couldn’t help but to let out a laugh. “You two are...really something else, huh? I swear to god- only our friend group has the weirdest taste in hair colors.”

Minghao just scoffed. “Even your boy changes his hair color all the time. Sooner or later you’ll end up finally dying your hair color too.”

“My boy?” Vernon questioned out, crunching his eyebrows up in confusion. “I have a boy?”

“Your boo thang.” Minghao replied with little finger quotes, earning a hilarious eruption of laughter from Jihoon who nearly lost himself and ended up clapping his hands much more than necessary.

“He really calls him Boo!” Jihoon continued to cackle out. “That’s fucking perfect- oh my god!”

Realizing that the two of his friends were currently talking about no one other than Seungkwan, Vernon immediately felt the tips of his ears heating up in a burning flush. He tried to respond back defensively but his voice slowly betrayed him by coming out much quieter than expected. “Hey, he’s not my boy or my boo thing or whatever….”

Jihoon simply shook his head from side to side. “Maybe not now, but come on, Vern. It’s going to happen sooner than later. There’s no way that you can continuously show me your lyrical notebook with all of those cheesy-ass descriptions about that ‘special someone’ and have it not be about Boo. I mean, do you even talk to girls?”

Vernon opened his mouth to reply something quickly but Minghao spoke up instead. “Do you even talk to girls, Jihoon?” He turned the question onto him instead and paused for a moment for his answer, earning a deep gulp from the shorter male in questioning. “Didn’t think so.”

“Let’s just get back to business.” Jihoon suddenly decided, pushing the subject away as he pulled out his backpack and started rifling through in search of something. “So I composed one new song that I think would be relatively perfect for the club performance. It has just enough self confidence to give the group something gritty against the competition. Like that type of elitist appeal you were asking for. Then we could also have them perform Fronting, along with Midsummer Night’s Sweetness, and perhaps a few cover songs as well?”

As Jihoon and Minghao were going over whatever details that the club performance consisted of, Vernon sat back and watched all of the information fold out in front of him without actually getting involved. In a way, this was all kind of touching to see his friends working so diligently into supporting the hip hop group’s activities. It was almost like they were in manager mode and getting all of the hard work done without worrying the actual members. Vernon was completely impressed with all of this, letting his chin rest in the palm of his hand as he watched on in interest.

Jihoon eventually found what he was looking for in his bag. He pulled out a single piece of paper with a bolded title of ‘Check In’ printed in large letters, sliding it over to Vernon’s side of the table. “Here’s the new song that I’d like to give you guys. I’ve already completed the chorus parts and included some suggestions with the hooks, but feel free to take things apart and work with it as much as you’d like. Try not to switch around the order to the rap parts though. I’ve already distinctly pictured how I’d like this to be performed on stage so try not to mess with my vision too much.”

There was probably never going to be a time where Vernon was not amazed by how Woozi could just create physical pieces music and give them as gifts like this. He could physically feel the anticipation rising up throughout every nerve in his body whenever they were introduced to a new song like this. It was such an exciting process that he was sure he’d never get over it.

Most of the chorus was actually in English, which was a bit of surprise for Vernon but nonetheless he was quite impressed by Woozi’s proficiency at the language. “Check In…” Vernon nodded experimentally with his head a few times as he read of the lyrics, trying to judge the flow of the song. “So the concept is like a travel song, as in going out to seek inspiration for something? I like how you listed off all of those cities but uh, I hope you know that the majority of us have never even left Korea before. The only places we could check in to would be Seoul City, New York City, and maybe you should even add Busan City onto there?”

This comment made Jihoon laugh a bit, shrugging up his shoulders in response. “It’s not about the truth that matters here. I mean, nearly all rappers exaggerate things in their songs to give off more of an edge, or that elitist type of vibe. Besides, listing off things in song just sounds fucking cool.”

“You don’t need a heart wrenching and emotional type of song for a club atmosphere.” Minghao added. “I just asked for something catchy and fun enough for the audience to respond to.”

Vernon could agree to that without any problems. The Check In song seemed fun enough to work with, and with the addition of his other group member’s own lyrics, they would surely enjoy the next few days that consisted of fully personalizing their song to their own liking. They fell into almost a daily routine when it came to drafting a song or choreographing a performance.Within Vernon’s course notebooks, there were countless hidden scribbles of lyric ideas or secret inner thoughts haphazardly placed around his actual notes. Thoughts just came easy to him these days, freely flowing from his mind without too much of a filter blocking them. This must be what creative inspiration actually felt like. During the time that it actually took for the final details of the club to fall into place and push towards an opening date, the hip hop unit has nearly finished all of their preparations for the song. And for Vernon, things were really good in life right now. He was excited and looking forward to all of the possibilities that would follow.

  
. . . . .

The next Friday night, Vernon found himself coming home late from a practice session at his friend’s shared apartment. Mostly they went over the final details of the song, but Mingyu had cooked up an amazing dinner of grilled barbeque meats and perhaps some of the best chicken wings that Vernon had ever ate in his whole life. He certainly hadn’t taken Mingyu’s chef skills for granted before but from now on he was considering on stopping over for dinner much more often now. Either way, they had a pretty relaxed evening of enjoying each other’s company while eating, drinking a little bit, and ever so slightly working on the song as well. Jeonghan and Chan had joined as well which made it much more easy to get distracted.

Friday nights were always most busy for Seungkwan and his rehearsal schedule. It didn’t surprise Vernon too much when he walked into his room sometime near midnight to find his roommate already sleeping soundly. The only thing that gave him a bit of surprise was when he found Seungkwan sleeping in his own personal bed, on top of Vernon’s own navy blue sheets instead of his own pastel blue ones. The sight alone brought a small smile to his lips. He looked quite cute all cuddled up there so comfortably and surrounded by blankets that weren’t his own. So cute that Vernon couldn’t really help himself from climbing into bed along with him.

Seungkwan must have noticed how the bed dipped under his added weight, letting out a small mumble of something inaudible with how sleep affected his tongue before nuzzling his face further into the pillow. Vernon found himself letting out a low chuckle from amusement in watching the actions. At this point he was sort of hovering over the male’s body without really trying to wake him up. He really should let Seungkwan sleep undisturbed throughout the rest of the night. But if he did that, then his roommate would most likely wake up earlier in the morning and leave without him to head off to another musical practice and then they wouldn’t get a chance to talk in personal for nearly a whole day. That’s when decided to be a bit selfish and let his weight rest fully on top of Seungkwan’s form, practically laying on him completely in order to wake him up and get his attention.

As soon as Seungkwan’s eyes started to open a stubborn whine of complaint left his lips as he responded to the action. “Hansol-ah- I was sleeping…” He mumbled out with his voice laced with sleep, his two plump lips starting to jut out in almost a pout from Vernon inconveniencing him like this. “Why are you on top of me… Too heavy…”

“I know you were sleeping but you’re sleeping on my bed.” Vernon moved himself to whisper right against the sensitive skin of Seungkwan’s ear, lowering his own lips to brush against the area in a feather soft way. He found himself grinning somewhat to see that this affected the other male somewhat, watching as his shoulders tensed up before nearly shivering. This only made him want to repeat his actions. “What do you think you’re doing, sleeping on my side of the room? It almost seems like you were waiting for me...”

“No.” Seungkwan responded back, raising his hands upwards to rub at his tired eyes in an attempt to allow himself to wake up long enough to hold a conversation. When he was finished, he kept his hands in front of his face as he mumbled out nearly silently behind them. “I just… missed you a little.”

Hearing the quiet words spill from Seungkwan’s lips was a bit of a pleasant surprise, just listening to them alone sending a particularly strong wave of butterflies in his stomach. Vernon couldn’t really restrict himself from smiling like an idiot, and surely all his teeth were probably showing as well as some of the gums but he didn’t even care. At least it was dark enough in the room to hide most of it.

For whatever reason, his body seemed to move on it’s own will and send his arms around Seungkwan’s body to give it a tight squeeze of affection. He was just so damn cute today. With his little pouty lips and his low sleepy voice and unintentionally adorable actions. And then to go and say that he missed him? Seungkwan was pretty much asking to be embraced in the biggest bear hug that Vernon could muster up right now. He was going to be squeezed and cherished as much as physically possible because even though he let out a small whine in protest, Vernon knew he was just trying to act modest and he craved affection like this every so often.

“You missed me?” Vernon whispered out soothingly to him against his ear again, waiting until he earned a little nod in response before continuing on. “Well, I can say that I missed you very much too. That’s why I woke you up in the first place. I just had to see you before you run off to another practice in the morning.” As he finished telling Seungkwan what he wanted to, he had a bit of a playful grin on his lips as he took the chance to press his lips against the base of his ear for a full kiss.

Seungkwan was nothing but silent for a few seconds after it passed before hiding his face behind his hands, assumedly quite shy about receiving it. “Well what can I say, these next few weeks are literally going to be hell. The show is in what- three weeks from now? I’ll probably be in the auditorium every single day until then. You better be prepared to miss me even more.”

“But I know you love doing it so of course I don’t mind.” Vernon insisted as he decided to stop hovering over Seungkwan’s form so uncomfortably like this. His knees were starting to get kind of sore and his muscles would give out shorty if he kept it up. Instead he decided to roll over on his side, facing Seungkwan from the other side of the pillow as only slim strings of moonlight filtered through the window and illuminated the male’s features. He liked Seungkwan so much. He came to the realization that Seungkwan was physically beautiful nearly all the time, even when his eyes were laced with sleep like this. They didn’t even have to talk. He was content with just spending time in his presence and staring at him in admiration for as long as possible.

“Oh, actually-” A sudden thought crossed Vernon’s mind, interrupting all of these thoughts. “I know that you have practice all through the morning and afternoon for tomorrow, but what about in the evening? Actually the club performance thing that I have planned with the guys is going to happen sooner than expected because the opening date got pushed forward. It turns out that we’re performing tomorrow night. That’s kind of a surprise, huh?”

Vernon watched on as Seungkwan’s brow slightly ruffled and he got lost in his thoughts for a moment. “I’m not exactly sure when exactly I’ll be able to return home tomorrow because it really depends on how everyone else’s pacing turns out. I can’t say anything for sure until it’s actually tomorrow I think.”   
“If you can’t make it, I don’t really mind.” Vernon had said before he realized that wasn’t exactly too right. “I mean- I would love to have you there because I feel like I’m more calm and collected when you’re there to support my activities. But I understand you’re really busy these days so I wouldn’t be too hurt if you didn’t show up. I’m sure there will be other events in the future anyways.”

Seungkwan nodded along with him, his lips still slightly frowning even though Vernon had assured him that it was okay. “Whenever the musical stuff is over and done with, I promise I’ll be there at the next one. Besides, nightclubs aren’t exactly… my thing. I’d like to stay away from them as much as possible.”

“You actually went to one before?”

“No. But it makes me...uncomfortable.” Seungkwan admitted honestly, scrunching up his nose slightly as he simply thought about it. “All those drunk people and all the smoke in the air. People coming too close into my personal space and trying to dance up against me? That’s definitely not the most pleasant atmosphere.”

“Well, I never went to one before either. You know how in America you have to be over twenty-one to even get in. But this club is partly being run by Minghao so I’m sure he’s got a whole group of wealthy business connections that are working to make it some luxury upscale club.” Vernon admitted with a laugh. “I’m sure it won’t be the type of club that you’re thinking of.”

“Either way… it just makes me feel kind of cautious about it.” The male trailed on as he reached out to wrap his arms around Vernon’s neck gently, almost pulling his body up against his own to cuddle into his chest more comfortably. “I trust you, but I don’t trust everyone else. Just be safe and try not to get in any trouble. Or else I’ll worry about you and you wouldn’t want to do that to me.”

Seungkwan’s slightly clingy change in behavior was a bit interesting to watch, to the point that it brought another smile to Vernon’s face. “Well, we wouldn’t want that, would we?” He replied back as he let his own arms wrap around Seungkwan’s form to settle against his lower back. Almost distractedly, his fingers worked away at pressing random patterns of massage against the male’s skin or rubbing around in circles. It seemed like his soothing actions were lulling Seungkwan back to a state of tiredness, to the point where he let out a small sigh of content and adjusted his head against Vernon’s chest more comfortably.

An unmeasured amount of time passed like this, with Vernon’s hands just trying to relax Seungkwan even more from his stressful day and his roommate's small breaths slowly evening out into a tranquil rhythm. Vernon had suspected that he had maybe even fallen back asleep already if it wasn’t for him speaking up again.

“Are you nervous about performing again?”

“Only naturally.” Vernon chuckled lowly. “Isn’t there some famous saying in show business that they say if you’re not nervous you’re actually crazy?”

Seungkwan didn’t laugh much at his comment, but instead found himself moving his head away from it’s peaceful place on Vernon’s chest to take a look at him instead. Vernon watched on in a bit of confusion from trying to figure out why the male was taking such a deep interest in something, but he shortly figured it out by Seungkwan’s next actions. Right before he could ask him what he was thinking, his favorite person responded wordlessly by allowing their lips to press together in a long kiss.

Vernon’s eyes were still open. He even let out a really stupid noise that was something between a mix of pleasant surprise and complete shock all the same, but the action was already over before he could shut his eyes and really focusing on the feeling. “Wait, I wasn’t even ready!” He practically found himself whining out, completely uncharacteristically throwing any preservation of self character he had left. “And um… why?”

Seungkwan was resolute in his action, simply allowing his shoulders to shrug up from the question. “You said you were nervous about it, so I wanted to help you.”

Vernon wasn’t sure whether he was going to let out a groan or a deep sigh so he just settled for shutting up completely and covering his wildly flushing face behind a hand. “Damn it, Seungkwan. You’re really got to warn me before you go ahead and do things like that.”

He simply let out a light laugh, reaching upwards to let his fingers brush through his roommate’s hair in an attempt to calm him down in the slightest. “Well, next time that you get nervous try to remember that I’m always going to be here and supporting you through everything. Even if I’m not physically by your side that doesn’t mean I’m not there after all.”

“Well, that’s… sweet of you, Seungkwan. Really.” Vernon struggled to respond back as his mind was still quite frazzled from trying to process if that still really happened or not. That Seungkwan kissed him so openly and unrestrainedly like this. And damn it all, with the completely amused and smug expression on his face at this present moment, Seungkwan probably even knew what kind of hold he had on him already.

Something in Seungkwan’s dark eyes flickered for a second, laced with intent as he stared up at Vernon from his position against the pillow. Even before he said a single word, there was something there in his gaze that Vernon already knew how to read before he even spoke aloud. His heart felt like it was sinking to the bottom pits of his stomach in anticipation, in a way that made him oh so excited and slightly even nauseous as well. The arms that Seungkwan had draped around his neck adjusted slightly as he smiled up at him so sweetly that it made Vernon lose his breath too.

“You want to do it again?”

“Don’t tease me like this, please don’t.” Vernon nearly pleaded.

Seungkwan just let his eyes roll around dismissively. He already knew what Vernon wanted and he’d be willing to give it to him. Just this once. Using the hold that was already around Vernon’s neck, he took the opportunity to pull the younger male against him. Chest to chest, body to body, complete lips against lips for another shared kiss. Vernon had originally stiffened up his whole being from the suddenness of the actions, but as soon as those plush warm lips were working against his own, nearly melting him to form against Seungkwan’s entire soft body, he just kind of lost control of holding back any longer. His hand gratefully cupped the male’s cheek in order to accept the kiss that he was given, eagerly moving his own lips against Seungkwan’s own to return every kiss and every touch back to him.

They kissed once. And then twice. And even three times and more times than Vernon could count. He lost track of counting after three because that was enough to completely get himself lost in the moment. These kisses were not so innocent. Not like any of the small pecks that they exchanged these days. These were full of wanting and need to feel each other even more than what they already had done.

Vernon had intentions on giving Seungkwan as much time as he needed to think things through about what was going on between them, even going to the point of trying not to kiss him too often to unfairly push him to make any sudden decisions. But then Seungkwan’s hands were running all through his hair and using the locks to bring their lips even closer and Vernon found himself gasping into his mouth and things got really blurry from there. For his partner to have no experience with dating whatsoever, Seungkwan certainly was a generous kisser and he absolutely had Vernon wrapped around his finger already.

So they kissed until they lost control of themselves completely, to where Seungkwan’s being was so tangled up into Vernon’s own that if it were physically possible, maybe their souls would be intertwined too. Where lips were red and abused and nearly fully numb but somehow tingling electrically at the same time. And they were both absolutely breathless for each other, forcibly only stopping their actions from the mere human need to take a breath again. Vernon collected Seungkwan within his arms and kept him there for the rest of the night. To treasure him and protect him and cherish him in every single way that he could manage. They’d fall asleep like that and Vernon would dream about falling in love with him someday in the sweetest of ways, and then still wake up to realize that his real life was just as perfect as these dreams.

 


	15. spinning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vernon and the hip hop unit pay a visit to minghao's club, an unexpected fight occurs, and vernon finds himself taking two steps forward and one step back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for being patient with my uncertain update schedule while i'm still abroad! 
> 
> experiencing comeback week in korea is absolutely crazy and so exciting at the same time and i'm so proud to be here to support the boys in any small way that i can by buying the albums on the release day. also i wanna cry everytime i walk past a store and they're playing the title song and my boyfriend is absolutely SICK of it. what's your fav song off the album tho? mine is chinaline duet because of that fucking beat breakdown and the flow of the lines. 
> 
> i have a lot of comments that i haven't replied to yet because ive only been focusing on writing during small break times i've found but i will try to get around to them shortly! they're still always appreciated and im very thankful that some of you have been anticipating my updates! 
> 
> i love seungkwan a lot so if you wanna talk about it with me, @citruseungkwan on tumblr anytime

Vernon decided that clubs weren’t really his thing.   
  
If you had offered him the opportunity to visit a nightclub back when he was in highschool, he would have eagerly accepted and nearly drank himself to death just during the pregame process alone. Something about moving to Korea had changed him quite a bit, or maybe he was just simply growing up. He didn’t feel the need to get completely wasted and surround himself in a crowd of other sloppy drunks, all hot and sweaty and rubbing against him to the beat of some loud music he didn’t even like. Back in the states, he would nearly depend on the times when someone's parents would leave for the weekend and they’d cram too many students into a basement and force everyone to get up close and personal in such a small space. Now Vernon didn’t like this kind of thing too much. He could think of a million other things he’d rather be doing at the current moment, while of right mind and fully conscious enough to remember later on.   
  
Minghao had invited the group there to support his new business venture and certainly they would all show up to support him regardlessly, even if it wasn’t Vernon’s kind of thing. The club seemed trendy enough and even somewhat luxurious, but as soon as the actual patrons showed up things went downhill real quickly. Despite the fancy black and white marble decor and comfy canopy booth seats, it was nearly impossible upkeep such a classy atmosphere with hoards of drunken college students stumbling and slurring their words all around.   
  
The group agreed to perform only three songs live that night. Vernon wasn’t even sure if people would want to pay attention to their little hip hop unit, as currently Woozi was capturing much of the crowds attention on a makeshift DJ station consisting of a laptop and a few other machines he couldn’t recognize. It seemed like he wasn’t even DJ-ing, rather more like picking songs off a playlist and pretending he was doing something special. Either way, people seemed to enjoy it enough. He kept his head bobbing to the beat of the music and kind of swayed his body back and forth a bit, but still seemed rather uncomfortable to be by himself. A small group of girls were in front of the stage and eyeing him intently with playful grins, most likely recognizing him from one of his popular social media accounts and wanting to approach. Their own little hiphop unit was sitting at one of the VIP tables gifted by Minghao and currently snickering about how he’d react if one of them finally made the move.  
  
“Which one do you think he’d go for?” Mingyu questioned out with an amused grin, leaning forward in his seat like he couldn’t handle the excitement anymore. “My bet is on the shortest one because, well, that man surely has a complex hidden deep down somewhere.”   
  
Wonwoo just shook his head slowly and took a long sip of his drink. “He’s going to absolutely twist your neck if he ever hears you say that. But honestly, I think you might be right with suspecting that height might have to play something into his preferences. I vote for the tallest one. Maybe he’s got a thing for noonas.”   
  
“Damn, trying to bet against me? That’s harsh. I always thought I was your favorite.” Mingyu pretended to show a display of mock hurt only long enough for Wonwoo to grin cheesily in his direction. That alone satisfied him enough for now. Not just anyone could earn that kind of affection from Wonwoo and seemingly it was limited to only Mingyu these days.  
  
Vernon glanced away to distract himself from staring at the pair any longer. For some reason he was feeling something of mild jealousy burning up in his stomach at their ability to be so open in public with each other. Before he could really think of relating his own situation with Seungkwan into something like this, he quickly changed the subject. “Hey, see that girl with the pink dress with slightly wavy hair? The mad cute one?” He pointed out for the group, “I think she’d be Jihoon’s style the most. Even though he tries to act all tough and cool in front of us, I feel like he’d be the type to treat his girl like an absolute princess. So he’d go for a cute style, I guess.”   
  
Hearing all of this made Seungcheol let out a hearty laugh, finding it all to be quite funny. “Guys, you’re all getting way too wrapped up into this. The most probable answer is that he’ll probably pretend that he never noticed any of them looking at him, try to avoid them in the club as much as possible, and only bow his head and say thanks if they approach him.”   
  
He was probably right. After all, he was closest to Jihoon more than anyone else in their group. This caused an equal round of sighs from all of them in unison.   
  
Wonwoo squinted his eyes slightly and curiously turned to Seungcheol. “Now that you mention it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jihoon show interest in anyone before… Does he even date?”   
  
“Yeah, you’re right!” Mingyu suddenly realized with a smack of his hands down on the table, also starting to stare suspiciously. “I always thought he was too busy or something but now that seems…kinda strange.”   
  
“Why would I even know?” Seungcheol just shrugged and returned back to his overflowing mug of beer. “Go and ask him sometime if you really wanna know.”   
  
Mingyu let out a long whine and started to tug on his arm. “Come on, hyung. That’s such a lame excuse not to tell us. It’s not like we can go and ask him without him being totally interrogated. He’d be like ‘why the hell do you need to know’ and shoot little glares at me with his eyes.” He paused to mimic Jihoon’s voice almost identically, earning quiet snickers from Wonwoo and Vernon.   
  
“Well, dating isn’t everything.” Seungcheol responded. “There are plenty of more meaningful things in life you could focus on instead of constantly trying to get a date. I think Jihoon finds more joy out of focusing on his personal life and what goals he wants to achieve rather than that.”   
  
Mingyu just let out a dramatic scoff. “Dating isn’t everything? I would practically die without any form of affection from a significant other.”   
  
“Understatement of the century.” Vernon smugly replied, which was followed by a nod of agreement from Wonwoo. “We already know that you can’t stand being alone for a single hour without grabbing one of us for a hug.”   
  
“Do you know why I’m the tallest out of all of us? It’s because I was born with too much love for just an average sized body to-”   
  
Before he could even finish speaking, the form of someone clearly completely wasted and sloppy as hell plopped down onto his lap. Vernon had thought it was some random girl for a second and nearly flinched but as soon as the hair moved out of the way then nah, it was just Jeonghan. An extremely giddy and bubbly Jeonghan had already managed to get trashed after only being there for less than an hour. Mingyu had to wrap his arms around his waist securely to prevent him from sliding off his lap and slipping under the table.   
  
“Jesus, Jeonghan. I can practically smell the vodka off your lips from here. So much for taking it slow tonight, huh?” Mingyu commented, which made the male in questioning let out a breathy laugh before blowing into Mingyu’s face amusedly to show him the evidence of the alcohol in his system.   
  
“That Minghao guy, uh….that one.” Jeonghan struggled for a moment to find him and point him out in the crowd. The male had been quite busy all night, visiting the various connections he had all throughout the club and trying to greet everyone before the night was over. They barely got the chance to exchange greetings due to how he had to rush to fulfill all of his social duties. “Minghao is such a sweet guy. In all honesty, I had a little trouble communicating with him because of the language barrier thing so I just did all of the talking and he seemed to just...get me? I don’t know, we were vibing. Either way, he bought me the whole bottle of some expensive shit and it was so good.”   
  
Seeing Jeonghan’s gushing about their mutual friend made Mingyu let out a groan. “Damn it, please don’t tell me you have plans of seducing him too.”   
  
Jeonghan dramatically gasped and put a hand to his chest. “Oh, little old me? A seductress? I would never!”   
  
“I swear to god, you talk to everyone like you’re about to lean in and give them a kiss. No wonder that boy bought you a whole damn bottle of something. I vote that we keep Jeonghan away from Minghao for the rest of tonight!” Mingyu suddenly announced. “That boy’s heart is too pure for his own good and I can’t have you meddling with it.”   
  
Wonwoo shrugged carelessly. “They’re both grown, let them make their own decisions.”   
  
“But i’m trying to prevent bad ones from happening.” Mingyu insisted with a slight pout as he let his head plop onto the male’s shoulder, keeping his arms locked around Jeonghan’s body tightly as he pulled him more carefully against his chest. “Besides, I know Jeonghan’s heart is currently occupied with someone else so it wouldn’t be fair of him to run off with anyone else in the club. Not to mention, not fair to himself by trying participate in self destructive behaviors.”   
  
Jeonghan paused for a second as he listened to Mingyu’s words, a slow and appreciative smile forming on his face. “Did you just try and say something sweet to me? That’s rather unexpected.”   
  
“Come on, I’m always sweet to you.”   
  
“Um, where? When? I must have missed it...”   
  
Wonwoo cleared his throat momentarily to break into the conversation. “I think what he’s trying to say is that you seem to be overcompensating for something by drinking yourself to death these days. I even saw you day drinking without any food this afternoon and that seems like a wake up call or something.”   
  
“You know I’m still fucked up over Joshuji.” Jeonghan admitted honestly without any restraint, most likely due to currently being under the influence. “I need a distraction from my own thoughts these days or they’ll honestly be the death of me.”   
  
“Day drinking as heavily as you currently are will also slowly do that as well.” Wonwoo mumbled under his breath before Mingyu let out a loud gasp.   
  
“That’s why you keep staring off into space and sighing for no reason? Because you’re that into him? I never knew it was that serious but damn, we gotta work on getting him back then…”   
  
“No, I don’t think we’ll be seeing Joshua back any time soon.” Seungcheol’s mug of beer clinked heavily against the table, his grip firm on the handle. “I had a serious talking to him as well and he knows that it’s better off staying out of Jeonghan’s life. I told him he could apologize all he wants, but there are certain things that you should absolutely never say in an argument. Even if worst comes to worst. And of course our Jeonghan should never have to settle for something like that, huh?” Despite the strictness in his voice there was also something comforting in his tone, making Jeonghan smile ever so slightly as a strong hand patted the top of his head.   
  
Mingyu stared at the exchange happening between them as a slowly displeased frown grew on his face. “But Joshua isn’t really like that. It was just a stupid drunken mistake that anyone could have done. Just think of all the fucked up shit I’ve done while drunk and still got forgiven for! I peed in Wonwoo’s cactus plant one time and killed it. Or then there was the time when I flipped the dining room table and broke it because I wanted to be dramatic like on one of those reality tv shows. Hell, I probably even called Jeonghan a whore plenty of times myself during arguments.”   
  
Jeonghan just smiled smugly and laughed. “And I hit you every time too. Did you happen to notice that part?”   
  
Seungcheol was seemingly upset that Mingyu was kind of edging him furthermore into an argument, to the point where Vernon could physically see his jaw grinding to hold back his frustrations. “Well, it’s different because you two aren’t in love. As friends you can joke around and say something like that, but when someone you’re in love with uses that kind of term towards you as an insult, that’s something I would never accept or tolerate. Especially as a bystander.”   
  
“But think of it like this-” Mingyu interjected passionately. “He even knows it was a mistake because that’s why he’s avoiding Jeonghan like crazy these days, even to the point of blocking him. He knows he fucked up and he’s trying to punish himself for his actions by making distance. Don’t you think he’s learned enough of his lesson already? This is like a wakeup call to never do that ever again.”   
  
“No, I don’t think that deserves forgiveness at all. Jeonghan deserves much better than any person that would stoop that low and resort to such an insult as that.” Seungcheol kept speaking on behalf of Jeonghan, who seemed to be rather uninvolved of all of his. He kept his eyes down at the table, picking up one of Mingyu’s drinks and taking a experimental sip of the mystery liquid.   
  
“Joshua is a fucking good person.” Mingyu nearly spit back, the passion towards his own opinion turning into something more of actual anger now. “He’s a really nice person and he’s got a heart of gold, and in all honesty, I do feel bad for him for being so into Jeonghan while he continuously dates with other people just to make easy money. He probably got sick of seeing all of it and suddenly snapped and I can’t even completely blame him for that.”   
  
“So you’re just saying that Jeonghan should take him back as easy as that? What’s going to happen the next time he gets drunk and decides to say something else, huh? Are you the one who’s gonna deal with all the pain that follows this time?”   
  
Jeonghan hesitantly spoke up. “He doesn’t exactly want me back either, guys…”  
  
“Yeah, because I do think he made a huge mistake but now he knows not to do it again!”   
  
“But he knew what he was getting into before-”   
  
“You know what, hyung?” Mingyu had clearly had enough of it now, nearly pushing Jeonghan off of his lap in order to stand up from hwere he was currently seated in the booth. “Actually, you too Jeonghan-hyung so listen up. If you guys really gave a shit about Joshua in the first place, you wouldn’t have been the one to start fooling around with him first. I mean, you kissed him on the fucking first day you met him. That time I brought Vernon and him to our place so we could all meet. I fucking caught you kissing him like twenty minutes after you met. What did you expect to happen? For him to just laugh it off and think it was some kind of funny joke? Because I don’t think so. You knew what you were doing when you strung him along. To fuck around with some clueless American boy just because you wanted to fulfill some kind of hook up checklist, huh?”   
  
This was enough for Jeonghan’s lips to part open within a completely bewildered gasp and for Seungcheol’s jaw to nearly lock together in a furious clasp. Vernon turned to Wonwoo to mediate something in this situation before it got even worse but he was just watching it all unfold, stoically keeping his eyes on everyone like he was trying to read into every small gesture that was made. Vernon felt nervous intervening, almost to the point where he couldn’t find his own voice but he had no other choice. “Uh, Mingyu how about we go outside and get some fresh air for a few moments? You know, to calm down a little.” He stood up and tried to loop his arm around the taller male’s and usher him out but he was immediately pushed away.   
  
“If you ever really gave a fuck about Joshua, to the point where you actually think that you can love him as much as he loved you, you’d try and fix your priorities right now. Stop with all the drinking, all the smoking, and all the distractions of flirting with anybody else that fucking walks past you.” Mingyu huffed out while making his way out of the booth, pushing past all of them that were in his way. “We all know you haven’t been happy about fake dating for the longest time now because it makes you feel like some cheap object. Just cut the bullshit and give it up already. Get a real god damn job and become a better person instead of taking out all your tensions on Joshua. He didn’t deserve that. Hell, you think you heart is broken now but his already was. And it has been for awhile now.”   
  
And with that, Mingyu was making his way through the crowded club and as far away from their table as possible. Still completely stunned that he had this much passion in him, and simultaneously waiting for one of his hyungs to respond, Vernon kind of just stared on like a deer caught in the headlights. His eyes just kind of flickered from person to person, waiting for anyone to make a move first. He was the youngest. He didn’t know what he could do or should have done in the situation.   
  
Luckily, Wonwoo was the first one to get up with a heavy sigh, yet still as composed as ever. “I’ll go find him.”   
  
Jeonghan finally moved as well, pushing past Seungcheol hurriedly to get out of the booth. “I’m going home. I’ll be at Chan’s place so don’t go looking for me if you can’t find me at home.” Jeonghan had mumbled under his breath with locks of long hair obstructing the view of his face as he left as quickly as he could. Vernon felt bad for him. But even so, something was tugging at his heartstrings. He was almost stuck between two sides now and he didn’t exactly know which one was better to believe.   
  
It was silent between himself and Seungcheol for quite awhile. Vernon wasn’t in a rush to speak about what just happened, nor did he want to push Seungcheol to explain himself any further. He had been resolutely clear enough moments earlier. In the background, whatever song that Jihoon had been mixing around with in the sound system started to resonate throughout his eardrums and push him away from the tension that was lingering before. Seungcheol was still physically troubled though, shifting between grinding his teeth together or tightly knitting his brows in a line. Vernon had no idea how they were still supposed to perform tonight with the mood absolutely ruined like this. Part of what made their group dynamic so special in the first place was the bond that they shared and now they currently weren’t so closely connected anymore.   
  
By the time it took Seungcheol to down another beer and a half, a breathless Minghao had jogged his way over to their table with an expectant grin on his face. “Hey, Jihoon’s set is about to finish up soon. Can I have you guys go and prepare backstage now?”   
  
Vernon could only look at him with utter disappointment in his eyes, not too excited to crush his anticipation like this. “I’m not so sure that that’s going to be possible anymore… There was a disagreement and one of our members walked out, with another to chase after him.”   
  
“Oh, fuck.” Minghao had cussed, something completely unlike him to the point where Vernon’s eyes widened suddenly. He had almost expected another explosion of anger tonight but Minghao was rather cool and collected at the time being, simply tipping his head to the side for a moment of thought before coming up with a solution. Maybe it was the fact that he was wearing a suit right now, but Vernon though he seemed much more cool and composed than usual. Almost like the most adult out of their whole friend group. “Well, I’m sure we can still work something out. How about if you two could perform a cover song on the spot? Maybe something you’re already good at? Or Jihoon would probably fill in for the guys if you can switch some of the parts around.”   
  
Seungcheol quickly finished off the rest of his glass with a long sigh. “No, I’ll go find them. No matter what we’ll still complete the performance. I might need a few more moments to prepare now but I’ll sort everything out.”   
  
Vernon just watched him get up and leave in search of all the other missing members and for some reason he didn’t worry a bit about it. He knew Seungcheol would always work things out in the end. No matter how high tensions got or how bad things might have looked, he was always the one who kept them grounded and still together. But there was one thing that he was really worrying about.   
  
Minghao turned to him expectantly as the elder male had left them alone, and that grin could only mean that he already had a plan of action to stall for some time plastered on his face. “I’ve got an idea. You and Jihoon can go on stage and start a cypher. Call up some people from the audience and try to battle with them to complete the track. Do like a diss thing and get everyone worked up.”   
  
So naturally, Vernon did what he was told and ended up arriving on stage with Jihoon by his side to engage in a playful rap battle between the two of them. Rather than coming off as too serious, it seemed more like teasing between two good friends who knew exactly how to pick at all of the weak points, but regardlessly it seemed to make the audience laugh enough. He assumed that most of them knew about Woozi’s online accounts as some underground music artist so people actually turned to watch them with interest on how things would unfold. They took turns pulling up members of the audience to try out diss battling against them as well, and somehow Vernon found himself to be “winning” most of the time according to the judging based on cheers from the crowd. This was something new that he was growing some interest in. He kind of liked rap battling because it came easy to him, the mix of English and Korean phrases rolling off of his tongue like it was completely natural and the improvisation of the situation made it even more exciting.   
  
By the time Seungcheol had arrived on stage with Wonwoo and Mingyu in tow, he was almost having so much fun that he didn’t even want to stop and actually perform a real song. But when everything was sort out and they did perform, at least crowd seemed to love it. Especially among the female audience who Seungcheol was genius in flirting with, managing to wink at all the right times or to jump off the stage to dance along with a particularly excited section of girls. If he kept this up, perhaps they’d have to perform at this club on the regular due to the number of fans he was picking up. And hell, maybe by the end of the night someone would already make a fanbase online about him.   
  
Seungcheol and Jihoon went to perform a duet song that they had been working on a long time before Vernon was even introduced into the mixture, so he took the chance to find Mingyu on the sidelines and bump into his side in questioning. “Hey, how are you holding up?”   
  
Mingyu blinked back at him wordlessly for a moment. “How do you think I’m holding up? I just went and cried in the bathroom for the past hour because I feel utterly horrible for yelling at him like that.”   
  
Vernon’s lips pursed together as he debated in his mind whether or not to say something, but somehow he found himself not holding back. “You know, I think you were kind of right with some parts of that so… don’t beat yourself up about it too much. They both weren’t the best for each other and they’re now realizing it and reflecting upon on it. If they really do love each other, then maybe they’ll change and get over these tough times. We’ll just have to wait and see.”   
  
Mingyu let out a long sigh, yet still a hopeful one as he nudged Vernon’s side as well. “I hope so, Vern. I really, really do…”   
  
  
. . . . . .   
  
Vernon missed Seungkwan a lot these days. He knew they were both so busy working towards accomplishing their own goals, which was completely understandable to why they couldn’t meet up much these days. Other than saying good morning and good night in between waking up for classes and sleeping again, they rarely had any one on one time this whole week. Either way, Vernon just missed him so much. After they had shared that night of endless kisses and caresses, nothing had even happened since and Vernon was starting to feel a little on edge because of it. They haven’t even hugged or anything like that recently, and Vernon was craving him in even the most innocent ways. He just wanted to hold his hand or something completely cheesy like that.   
  
They knew each other’s class schedule by heart so he just decided to show up unexpectedly to pay him a quick surprise visit between periods.   
  
Everytime he managed to spot Seungkwan out of a crowd his heart did something kind of stupid every single time. It would stop completely and suddenly restart at some hyper speed that would manage to catch his breath in his throat and make his palms sweaty all at the same exact second. It was definitely overwhelming to deal with. But to see Seungkwan wearing the same jacket that he had bought for his birthday gift months ago, one that he assumed was only being used for musical practice, yet currently draped around his body at this present second? Vernon was more than overjoyed by just the sight alone.   
  
Seungkwan had his headphones in, staring down at his phone screen and walking off hurriedly in the direction of somewhere else with a ever so slight smile on his face. He almost walked completely past Vernon in his current distraction, but of course Vernon took the move to hook his arm around the male’s and pull him right in his direction.   
  
He made his roommate startle quite a bit, to the point where he even gasped and dropped his phone to the ground in surprise from the bold actions, but Vernon could see the softness in his eyes as soon as he started to recognize him. “You nearly gave me a heart attack, Hansol-ah! Do you just go around grabbing people as you please?”   
  
“Nah, only you.” Vernon had responded with a grin that he was sure was currently showing all of his teeth out in the open, but he couldn’t exactly help it. He was just so happy to finally meet him again even if it was only for a few seconds. As he bent down to pick up the phone from the floor before someone in the busy hallway could step on it, Seungkwan was quick to speak up.  
  
“Uh… don’t worry about that. I’ll pick it up later.”   
  
Vernon raised an eyebrow at the male from where he was leaning on the ground, noticing the way Seungkwan was currently trying to ignore his gaze. “I’ll just pick it up, it’s no big deal…” He started to say in response, but as soon as he grasped the phone in his hand and the screen lit up, he was shocked to see a video of himself. More precisely, it was the video footage from his performance at the club last weekend and Seungkwan had seemed pretty wrapped into watching it before Vernon had went and grabbed him.   
  
“I’m going to run away and die right now.” Seungkwan decided resolutely and went to turn on his heel but Vernon was quick to stop him.   
  
“You’re watching my performance?” Vernon found himself asking in almost disbelief, even though he had seen it with his own eyes and he was absolutely sure it was himself. The grip he currently had on Seungkwan’s wrist was tight enough to the point where running away wouldn’t be possible, but something about the way his roommate was uncomfortably trying to escape him brought a bit of a teasing smile to Vernon’s lips. He had been caught and it felt pretty good to know that Seungkwan was watching him in his free time.   
  
“I swear, you could actually save my life and my dignity right now if you’d just let me walk off in a different direction and continue on with my day like none of this never even happened.”   
  
Vernon only found his grin widening even more as he found himself tugging his hold on Seungkwan a little bit closer. “You were watching my performance though. I’m absolutely sure of that and there’s no way you could erase what I saw from my memory. Seems like someone’s interested, huh?”   
  
Seungkwan let his eyes roll around in his signature dramatic style, the playful gesture accompanied by a light push to Vernon’s chest as he tried to distance himself even more. “Shut up, Hansol.” He responded back with a tight lipped smile in order to keep up his act. “You saw nothing.”   
  
“But I clearly saw something.” Vernon insisted with a lowered voice as he reached out to grab Seungkwan’s hand and hold it tightly within his own. “Why do you keep fronting like this if we both know the truth?”   
  
Physically groaning out loud, Seungkwan allowed his hand to be held but was insistent on nagging about it anyways. “Come on, Hansol. You’ve gotta stop using that word and mixing it into the Korean language because-”   
  
“Excuses, excuses. When are you going to fess up and admit that you were watching what I caught you watching?”   
  
“God, why do you have to get all needy for answers?” Seungkwan let out a stubborn huff. “You’re acting like you caught me watching something more horrible and scandalous than that!”   
  
“Those are more excuses, huh?”   
  
“You’re so stupid.”   
  
“Yeah, but you love me anyways so that seems like your problem to deal with. You’re just stuck with me from now on.” Vernon had said with nothing but a straight face as he stared in Seungkwan’s direction, lowering his gaze a bit to make up for the height difference between them. Hearing those words from him made Seungkwan let out a low sigh. He knew all too well that there was no winning this one, and he’d just have to give Vernon some of the satisfaction this time.   
  
“Okay, so what if I was watching your performance video?” Seungkwan replied obstinately, arms moving to cross over his chest. “Isn’t it normal for friends to support each other in whatever kind of way they can? I was adding some views to the viewcount and hell, maybe if you were lucky I’d share it with some of my other friends for that free promotion! You should be totally thankful.”   
  
Vernon let out a hearty laugh at his behavior, the eruption of his chuckles freely flowing out before he could really stop himself from crinkling up his eyelids and smiling like some kind of happy fool. “Jesus, Seungkwan. You’re like a modern day miracle worker. So generous and charitable that your benevolence will truly change the world.”   
  
“You’re mocking me.” Seungkwan squinted his eyes and tugged his hand out of Vernon’s grasp. “Fine, I guess I’ll stop watching your performance videos if you don’t appreciate my viewership. You won’t be getting any support from me from now on then!”   
  
“You guess you’ll ‘stop’ watching my performance videos… so that means you actively participate in watching them now? That’s nice to know, I’ll keep that in mind from now on. Boo Seungkwan is an active fan of my live performances.”   
  
Seungkwan could only stare up at him and blink blankly a few times, furthermore tightening the arms that he had draped over his own chest. “If you intend to keep teasing me like this, I’ll let you know that I will slowly start kicking you out of my bed the next time you try to sneak under my covers. You’ll think I’ll be asleep and not realize you climbing in, but in reality I’ll slowly be nudging you to the side and eventually kick you off to the point where you’ll wake up on the floor all cold and sore.”   
  
Vernon just laughed and shook his head quickly. “So you tell me to stop teasing you by responding with a threat? Real classy, Seungkwan.”   
  
His roommate only responded with a small grin. “It wasn’t a threat. It was just some friendly teasing.”   
  
“Or was it just some… a little ‘more than friends’ teasing?”   
  
Seeing the accomplished and slightly flirtatious grin on Vernon’s face made Seungkwan’s eyes roll around once again, yet despite putting up a stubborn fight a smile was slowly breaking through as he shook Vernon’s shoulders around playfully. “I’m going to say this as nicely as possible, but please shut the fuck up, Hansol.”   
  
Vernon just shrugged and pushed a little further. “Well, you didn’t deny the ‘more than friends part’ so…” He didn’t really know where he was getting all of this confidence from, but something about the playful atmosphere gave him quite a boost at flirting around. Usually Seungkwan had the upper hand in most of their conversations because Vernon was his patient listener while his roommate openly spewed out information. Not to mention he wasn’t generally afraid of speaking whatever sudden thought that came to his mind. Vernon was much more cautious with words, debating them countless times in his head before allowing them to even form. But something got the best of him right now. A sudden burst of youth that made him forget about all of the consequences that entailed in reality.   
  
The mood completely changed from fun to serious just by Vernon’s previous statment. Something in Seungkwan’s demeanor visibly softened as his eyes traveled between Vernon and the floor and then the lockers and the rest of the university’s hallway. Much of the guard he had put up from Vernon’s incessant teasing had faltered in the slightest way, even then arms that crossed over his chest slackening a bit more loosely. “I mean, it would be a lie to say you were my just my friend when for most of the time I’ve known you, I always thought you were more important than that.”  
  
“So we’re...more than friends now.” Vernon had decided to make into words for the first time, officially putting them out there and in the open. Even though he wanted to make this more clear, his nerves were eating away at him from the inside. Whether it was from anxiety or too much excitement boiling over, he didn’t even know. “For sure? No take backs or any seconds thoughts? No regrets in saying that?”   
  
Seungkwan blinked quickly, tipping his head to the side slightly as he really thought about it again. “Didn’t we already talk about this? That time at the Han River?” He had mentioned, and if Vernon had noticed closely enough, he could have heard the ever so slightest tremble in his already quieting voice. “I’ve always considerd you to be more than just a simple friend to me based on our connection alone. You’re like my family, maybe like a brother, or a twin? A soul that connects so perfectly to my own? I don’t even know how to describe it, but it’s so deep.”   
  
He didn’t seem to be getting at what Vernon was trying to convey at all. Surely that was touching and all, but it didn’t fit too well into what kind of playful and flirty atmosphere that they had previously been working up to. Vernon knew that he wouldn’t really get a chance like this again. Nor would his confidence level for playing along with Seungkwan be able to replenish so quickly after something like this. It was either now or never.   
  
He only had to bend down in the slightest to crane his neck closer to Seungkwan’s ear, only crossing the mere distance to let his voice lower against the male’s skin. His mind could solely focus on the way he felt so intoxicatingly close like this, the warmth of his presence mingling in the air around Vernon’s own being, yet with those few small centimeters preventing them from touching. Vernon was just so wrapped up in him. His signature sweet smell pulling him closer, every slight movement keeping Vernon on his toes in expectation, and all of those beloved little Seungkwan things that made him fall even harder with each second that passed by. Those were the only things to give Vernon courage at a time like this.   
  
“What about the kind of people who are more than friends in a bit less platonic of ways?” Vernon found himself whispering out softly right up against Seungkwan’s ear, his voice completely lowered to prevent anyone else in their vicinity from picking up on the conversation. This was only meant for the two of them. “The type of friends who happen to more than just friends sometimes share little touches that could only insinuate more happening between them, or those who share secret kisses in the middle of the night and hide everything away from their own friends. I think undoubtedly that makes us something more than friends.”   
  
As Seungkwan withdrew a long breath that he had assuredly been holding, this action made Vernon’s heart almost stop in a painful manner before it rushed into overdrive all over again. Vernon hadn’t pulled away from his current position, still leaning over the older male’s personal space in an attempt to affect him in anyway way. But out of the corner of his eye he noted how Seungkwan’s jaw had opened and closed before reopening again, perhaps in an effort to stall time to think.   
  
Seungkwan’s breath was low and slightly shaky, but Vernon could practically feel his words against his own skin as he received an answer. “Then I would say that we’re more than friends in that type of way.”   
  
He nodded slowly in return of Seungkwan’s affirmation of what he should have already known, but past doubts were always lingering on his mind. It was just in his character. To let his worries get the best of him and drag him down even in the most enjoyable of times. He took one step closer, but kept his voice soft and gentle within Seungkwan’s ear. “So from now on, we can agree we have romantic intentions toward each other? That you like me, and I like you?”   
  
All Seungkwan did was nod once in a reply, which caused Vernon to take a step back in order to judge his expression a bit better and get a read on things. One of his fingers traced the outline of the male’s chin softly, ever so slightly tipping it upwards until their eyes were are the perfect angle to lock. Something in Seungkwan’s dark brown orbs were uncertain, wavering back and forth between something Vernon couldn’t explain for, but if Seungkwan needed a little bit of a push then he would have to be the one to do it first.   
  
“I want to hear it from you in words.” Vernon had requested of him, the fingertips that had been gently positioning at his chin had moved away only to travel down his jawline appreciatively. Seungkwan let his eyes shut from the gesture and concentrated on breathing slowly for an amount of time that passed. Vernon wouldn't have even know how long it really was. Time didn’t matter anymore, and neither did the fact that they were still in the university’s crowded hallway. All that was really palpable was the connection that felt like electric currents sparking between them.  
  
Vernon wasn’t exactly sure when Seungkwan had fully composed himself. It wasn’t until his dark eyes were staring up at him so deeply, with his plump lips parting to speak that Vernon felt his legs nearly go out before he even heard anything yet. But then Seungkwan spoke to him in that rich and yet so soft voice, coming out like almost music to his ears.   
  
“Hansol-ah.” Seungkwan had started out slowly and cautiously, yet with the corners of his lips slowly starting to turn upwards into a small hesitant smile he finally uttered out the words. “I like you too, Hansol.”   
  
Something inside of Vernon snapped, but only in the best possible ways. Almost overflowing with emotions as his heart was surely soaring around within his chest, he couldn’t hold himself back from locking his arms around the male’s small frame and clutching him impossibly closer. Seungkwan had let out the quietest gasp from the sudden action, but shortly after the apples of his cheeks had bubbled up in happiness as he responded to the tight hug. He clutched Vernon back wordlessly with nothing but a few soft chuckles leaving his lips, a bit amused to see how excited those words had made him so suddenly. While rocking their bodies from side to side naturally, Vernon felt the male’s fingers slip through some locks of his own hair and caress it softly.   
  
“I like you too, Seungkwan. You don’t even know how much, but god damn, it’s a lot.” Vernon had reminded himself to respond even though quite a lot of time had passed between them. He had nearly gotten too caught up in the bliss off things that he forgot to even reply. His body automatically lurched forward on it’s own whim to follow it’s cravings, attempting to press a full kiss to Seungkwan’s reddening cheek.   
  
But Seungkwan had turned his head at the last second. Leaving Vernon to awkwardly place his lips somewhere messily along the side of his head in a really unromantic way.   
  
“There’s too many people around.” Seungkwan had insisted with a small chuckle, one that sounded to be a little too uncomfortable to be passed off as nothing by Vernon. He knew him too well by now.   
  
His arms tightened around Seungkwan’s frame as he frowned a little bit. “I just wanted to kiss your cheek though. No big deal, right? Even just friends share kisses on the face sometimes.”   
  
“But still…” Seungkwan insisted on as he glanced away, head tipping to the side distractedly in thought. “There’s so many people around us and this is school… it’s uncomfortable.”   
  
Vernon just shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, I’m not uncomfortable if anyone sees me do it.”   
  
“But I’m still kind of uncomfortable about showing things like affection in public.”   
  
“You’re the one member of our friend group that practically depends on acts of skinship to survive. You’re always grabbing at Seokin and and Soonyoung in school or in the street without any problem.”  
  
Seungkwan shook his head back and forth and let out a small chuckle. “And you don’t think that’s totally different at all with them compared to you and I?”   
  
“Well, it doesn’t seem completely different to me…” Vernon had shoved his hands into his pockets, finding himself getting increasingly more self conscious in himself for some reason. “I mean, I’m not really asking for anything too extreme. Just a little kiss on the cheek. If you can do all of those things with your close friends, why can’t you do them with me too?”   
  
“It’s precisely because I do have feelings for you that I don’t want to be all over you while we’re in school. It’s not something I want to show off to everybody so easily, you know? You’re not even my boyfriend. No one even knows about what we have going on yet, and maybe I’d like to keep it that way for just a little longer.”   
  
Even though Seungkwan was making some good points and he could tell what he was trying to get all, something in all of this just wasn’t sitting too right with Vernon. The only thing that currently floated throughout his mind was one thing. “You’re not even my boyfriend.” The phrase repeated itself endlessly within his subconscious to the point where he couldn’t even think of anything else. He felt himself getting a bit selfish with his desires for Seungkwan. Like he wanted to fight for his attention or something. Previously he had never even considered having an actual boyfriend before. The concept seemed like something too far off for him to even consider thinking about. But now that Seungkwan had blatantly pointed out to him no being, it hurt him more than he would have expected.   
  
Perhaps Seungkwan had noticed him hesitating for quite a moment as he made the move to sling his backpack over his shoulder once again and glance down at the time on his phone. “Hey, I’m already a bit late to practice so I should be going now. We can… um, talk about this later on tonight if you want to? I think I’ll be finishing earlier than usual so we can call for some takeout and watch movies?”   
  
“I can’t.” Vernon found himself mumbling out under his breath. He hands that he had placed into his jean pockets only pushed furthermore down into the fabric, like he was trying to distance himself away to make it hurt less when Seungkwan said something like that again. “I have the club thing to attend again. Minghao requested that we perform again.”   
  
Seungkwan kept his lips pursed together but nodded in understanding. “Oh, okay then. I guess I’ll just head over to Soonyoung and Seokmin’s place with them and maybe end up sleep over there if you’re not going to be home. If you arrive home and I’m not there, don’t wait up for me or anything like that.”   
  
Vernon could only shoot him a half-assed attempt at a smile as they parted ways and headed off into different directions. As he made the return trip back to his dorm room to get ready for the night ahead of him, he found his feet practically dragging on the ground as if they were too heavy to keep walking. It was so unlike him but he was actually sulking for the first time in his adult life.   
  
Seungkwan’s words lingered in his mind and spun around hectically to the point where he couldn’t seem to shake them away. He had been getting too ahead of himself with his intentions towards this boy, and perhaps this was the wake up call that he needed. He was already far too greedy for Seungkwan and he couldn’t even call him his own.   
  
  
  
  



	16. bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> during a visit to the nightclub, vernon stumbles into an unexpected person at the bar, runs into a few people from university there as well, and shuffles through all of the heavy thoughts looming throughout his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi.   
> thanks for returning back to another chapter and leaving me such sweet comments on here or tumblr as well!  
> and like always, it's really fun for me to meet other seungkwan stans so feel free to find me on tumblr @citruseungkwan if you ever want to meet !

Nothing could really settle Vernon’s mind at a time like this. Even while spending the night at the club that they were gradually becoming regulars at, surrounded by countless strangers who carelessly pushed past him on the dance floor, and the numerous amount of drinks that already fogged up his system, Seungkwan’s words continuously ran through his head like a mantra. 

_ You’re not even my boyfriend. _

It was something really stupid and trivial to get hung up upon, especially with him knowing that to be all to true as well, but it still hurt for some reason. Those words were meant to create distance between them. To precisely push Vernon away from coming any closer. And now even though he had heard a confession in response to his own, this was just furthermore fucking with his thoughts. If they both had mutual feelings for each other, then what was the problem with progressing on with things? Then the labels that followed along with their developing relationship would fall into place and attach themselves naturally with time. 

Part of what made this all the more frustrating was that somewhat ironically, Vernon himself had only realized that he didn’t know what he wanted either. 

 

These days he had been so wrapped up in the whole process of actually pining after the male in questioning that he never considered the reality of things to hit him this quickly. The possibility of his feelings being reciprocated had always seemed like a faraway fantasy. Hell, even the concept of Seungkwan himself always seemed like something rather unattainable. He was such a pure soul with the sweetest intentions and charms in all of the right places, with a subtle but sometimes radiating beauty that always seemed right out of Vernon’s grasp. Things had been progressing, and there were nights when he’d held Seungkwan in his arms and felt like everything was falling exactly into place, where it was undoubtedly supposed to be. Where Seungkwan was rightfully his and he was everything Seungkwan needed him to be too. 

 

But that was all wordlessly. No labels attached. 

 

The idea of calling Seungkwan his partner, or his boyfriend, or someone he happened to be dating out in the open seemed like something that still needed a lot of thought.They still hadn’t spoken about whether their current actions were going to be kept private or just between the two of them. Would  their other peers at university going to know or would only their friends be in on it? Would their families ever know about their relationship? Or were they even going to be exclusive with each other or not? Maybe this whole physical affection thing was just an experimental phase for Seungkwan after all. Once he got his fix of figuring out things with Vernon, he’d run off with someone more amazing and talented than he’d ever be capable of. And could Vernon himself even commit with publicly referring to someone being his first boyfriend? There was just so many endless things to worry about and his mind was endlessly racing. 

 

As soon as his duties of putting on a performance with his group members was over, he slipped off the stage as soon as possible. The other members stayed behind to put on some spontaneous rap battle that ended up being more hilarious than serious after all. Since they all seemed to be amused enough by continuing on with their mic hour, Vernon helped himself to the free bar service that Minghao had graciously granted them access to in exchange for their performances. 

 

He squeezed in to find a singular empty seat amidst all of the other university students who were greedy for alcohol and absentmindedly drifted back to his thoughts instead of remembering to order a drink. It was kind of interesting how he was in such a lively atmosphere, with neon lights flashing all over the walls, surrounded by people his age who were all having amazing nights, and the bass beats from a song he loved vibrating off through the floor and into some expensive sneakers Minghao had loaned to him, but yet he still felt completely alienated from the outside world. Vernon always knew he was the pensive type but sometimes his insecurities forced him into a bit of a shell to where he couldn’t function without thinking through everything first. 

 

He almost forgot that he was taking up valuable space at the bar until a particular bartender leaned against the counter and entered his line of vision. 

 

“Are you going to actually order something or continue stare into space?” The tall male questioned out with an almost knowing smile, his voice shaking Vernon away from the invading thoughts and sending him back to the real world again. “It’s okay if you just want to sit and sulk though. I won’t bother to ask any questions.” 

 

“No, um, sorry, I’ll order something. Just… give me a second.” Vernon had torn his eyes away from the male who was expectantly looking down at him, with a little notepad and pen in his tanned hand and tapping away rapidly in some precise pattern. His quick actions almost caused more anxieties to bubble up in Vernon’s mind, the little clicks and taps only put him more on edge and stressing him out all over again. The attempt he made to decipher the drink menu under all of the flashing lights in the club seemed to fail as awkward seconds passed by without him actually making a choice. Throwing a hand back through his locks of hair recklessly he just let out a sigh. “Not to sound disrespectful, but honestly can you just fuck me up? I want the strongest drink that you can legally sell to me here.” 

 

His words brought a series of airy laughs to the male’s lips and an amused shake of his head as he rested his weight against the counter in front of Vernon. “That bad of a night, huh? You convinced me well enough you were having fun on stage up there just minutes ago, but as soon as you found yourself done all of your worries came flooding out? Seems like a good enough excuse to get drunk to the point where you can’t feel your legs anymore!” The male whose name tag was finally close enough to Vernon’s line of vision read  _ Junhui _ in Korean characters, something most likely not a native Korean name. Even to Vernon’s incomplete knowledge on Korean things due to living abroad all of his life, it peaked his curiosity just a bit. The brief thought of this bartender being friends with Minghao crossed his mind before he continued on speaking. “I’ll write your order down as one self destructive mixed drink consisting of bartender Jun’s own choice. Be prepared to lose your shit in just a few short moments.” 

 

Something about the male’s friendly appearance and hospitable actions lightened up Vernon’s negative vibe only a little bit, to the point where he found himself smiling back at some of the amusing remarks. Junhui seemed to be somewhat of a character. Almost in a rush, the taller man ran circles around his bar station to figure out all of the ingredients he wanted to include but still gracefully poured them all together in some overly dramatic presentation of things. This distracted Vernon from his troubling thoughts quite a bit. It was nearly like a show was unfolding right in front of his eyes as he spun what appeared like heavy bottles around in his hands effortlessly and slid them across his station like some kind of magician at mixing alcohol. When he was finally finished with his display of whatever the hell that was, he slid the drink right under Vernon’s chin with an expectant grin. “Feel free to knock yourself out anytime, Vernon.” 

 

Vernon found himself blinking back slightly in confusion as he took a hesitant sip from the drink and was greeted by something that tasted exactly like a sharpie marker had soaked in a cup of water for a few hours. It was exactly what he had asked for but still overwhelming nonetheless. “Shit, that really is strong but um…. how did you know my name is Vernon?” 

 

Junhui had something almost witty playing on the tip of his lips and Vernon was sure of that alone just by the way he was smiling. “You said you name into a microphone in front of all of the people within this club, dear. You think that anyone still here wouldn’t know your name by now?” 

 

Vernon was starting to recall that now, having rushed through much of the performance without a thought because he just wanted to get everything over with for today. “Oh. Um..well, that makes sense now then.” 

 

“Nah, but in all honestly, I’m just fucking with you.” The taller male had propped himself against Vernon’s area at the bar, resting his chin against the palm of his hand as he leaned against the cool marble surface. “I’ve heard about you from Minghao a handful of times before but I’ve only been able to match your name to a face as of recently. I know it’s kind of weird to have someone know more about you than you know about them, so let me introduce myself. You can call me Wen Junhui. I’ve known Minghao for forever because we’ve been friends since we were practically born. I came to Korea because- well, I’m an aspiring performer and I feel like I have better chances at the entertainment industry here than back home. Oh, and I’m also here on study abroad also because well- if all of those dreams fail then at least I can get a diploma here and say I accomplished something, I guess? I’m pretty sure we both go to Mugunghwa University but I’m sure you’ve never seen me around before because I work my ass off constantly trying to keep up with payments. My parents were never so supportive about me going abroad so I do what needs to be done to stay here. I think that’s pretty much everything… oh- and before you ask, I was the one who decided to come to Korea before Minghao even came out here as well, so you should think he was the one following me if anything.” 

 

Although Vernon was sure everything he had just heard was something like an extremely organized set of rambles, that didn’t mean that he was any less interested. He needed a distraction and he happened to like people who freely spoke their minds. It made his role as a listener so much more easier without having to answer any pointless questions out of politeness or worry about stepping on any boundaries. People who just let everything flow out from them seemed much more honest. Seungkwan was like that too. Before he could respond back, with his lips already parted open and ready to speak, some other drunken student at the bar had tried to tug on the single towel hanging out of the male’s back pocket for attention.

 

The charming and charismatic side of Junhui’s personality faded away in a quick second and was replaced with strictly business Junhui instead, spinning around immediately with a sharp look in his honey brown eyes to face the person. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing by trying to grab at me? Can’t you see that I’m busy with another customer? Go and ask Mingming instead and I’m sure he’ll love to help serve you. He had said with nothing but pure annoyance in his voice, but as soon as his eyes had traveled back to Vernon’s own, nothing but softness appeared on his expression as he let out a light and defeated sigh. “Sorry about that. Sometimes I have to stand my ground or people try to take advantage of me here. I swear, I even get my ass grabbed at least three times on a good weekend night to the point where it’s become a bet between me and the other workers.” 

 

“That sounds horrible.” Vernon’s nose scrunched up in displeasure “Can’t you find some other job that doesn’t consist of drunken people trying to manhandle you?” 

 

Junhui just clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Nope, it doesn’t work like that. I already work afternoons at a cafe, then evenings at a restaurant, and I really need night hours but most of the offerings are kind of...shifty. I’d rather work for a business run by my friends than under some complete stranger so I put up with it. The conditions are better and I pretty much run the bar anyways I liked it.” 

 

Vernon nodded his head sympathetically but tipped his head to the side in thought. “You said you’re really close with Minghao though? Why don’t you suck up to him and make him assign some kind of bouncer to keep all the drunks in check at the bar? Then you wouldn’t have to be touched.” 

 

“But here’s the real answer behind why I don’t complain-” Junhui paused for a moment, a slightly devious smile growing on his lips in anticipation. “I actually kind of like it? It definitely makes my shift a lot more interesting. Who doesn’t like to flirt every once in awhile?”

 

Vernon chuckled amusedly and shrugged once before returning to take a sip of his drink. “I mean, to each his own, I guess? If you enjoy it then it’s whatever.” 

 

The chair next to Vernon’s own opened up as the person decided to wander off somewhere on the dancefloor instead. He wouldn’t have noticed or been paying attention to whoever slid in next to him, but a familiar voice right beside him made him spin his head around quickly to face the person. 

 

“You guys know each other? Weird.” Jeonghan had commented as he settled in on the stool beside him. Almost instantly after sitting down, he peered over Vernon’s shoulder to get a good look at what he was currently drinking. The color of the mixed drink was quite questionable, to the point where it earn a ruffled brow and a skeptical glance from the older male. He’d just have to help himself to try a sample of it. “Um, this tastes exactly like lighter fluid. Junhui, you need to be fired immediately.” 

 

“Wait- so you two know each other too?” Vernon’s eyes widened slightly as he asked, a bit surprised to see Jeonghan recognize Junhui and know him on the basis of names. If he really thought about it, the two males knowing each other made enough sense though. Perhaps what made him feel so comfortable in the newly acquainted male’s presence was the fact that their personalities were very complimentary with each other. 

 

Junhui seemed to ignore that question as he let out an amused series of laughs from the previous comment. “And you happen to know exactly what lighter fluid tastes like? I never knew you were into the stuff.” 

 

“You know what I meant. Even if I do like to drink a little more than usual these days, you will not catch me drinking any more from Vernon’s glass. That shit is actually going to rot his system. I’ll just stick with my usual mojito though, please and thank you?” Jeonghan had requested for his friend with an adoring smile and a bat of his eyelashes, to which Junhui quickly moved to go about preparing it. “Anyways, to answer your question, Vern, yeah I do know him. He’s Joshua’s roommate.” 

 

If possible, Vernon’s eyes widened even more from hearing this. “Are you kidding me? Like the one who is always gone almost doesn’t even exist because he’s never using the room?”

 

“Yup, that’s the same Junhui. The poor kid works a lot so even I don’t see him around much either. But I guess if you had spent enough time at Joshua’s place like I used to, you would have probably run into him eventually.” Jeonghan admitted with a wistful sigh, resting his chin in the palm of his hand against the bar. “I keep telling him that he’s absolutely gorgeous with an amazing body as well, but he won’t join me in the whole paid dating thing. I’m sure he could rack up so much money in a week just based on looks alone if he just listened to me, but he’s really not interested. It’s a shame, really.” 

 

Vernon could easily picture the two of them holding the top positions of the most popular playboys in their university, and perhaps even throughout all of the other schools in Seoul City as well. It was kind of too easy to picture the two of them working together as some sort of shady pair in order to meet more dates and earn even more profit. Like some sort of secret playboy club taking place on campus. Perhaps even if Jeonghan had got his way, he’d be the leader of whatever the hell this type of thing would consist of like some mafia boss with a whole group of other handsome boys following his lead. Jeonghan was truly a chaotic evil and Vernon knew that he could nearly accomplish anything. 

 

All of these possibilities brought an amused smile and a light laugh to Vernon’s lips. “To each his own, I guess?” He could only respond with a small shrug. “But either way, I’m still recovering from learning that Junhui and Joshua actually know each other. And Junhui has apparently known Minghao for the longest time as well? I mean, is Seoul so small that everyone is connected in some kind of way?” 

 

Jeonghan just let out an airy laugh and shook his head quickly. “No, I wouldn’t say Seoul is small at all but we attend one of the smaller universities in the area. Or you could say we all live in the same neighborhood with each other. You’re bound to keep running into people who are connected with each other in unexpected ways.” 

 

“Well, that makes sense… even back home I kind of knew almost everyone and their family members because it was a small community and everyone knew each other since like preschool times.” 

 

“That sounds absolutely horrible.” The older male commented distractedly, his eyes leaving Vernon’s own to accept his mojito specially made from Junhui with an appreciative smile before turning back to the conversation. “Hell, I’m a senior now and I’m already sick of seeing the same people around campus. I’ve tried hanging out in multiple cafes, or the library, or even the track field to scope out more interesting people to meet but it’s just the same damn people everywhere.” 

 

Junhui’s eyes rolled around slightly in disbelief. “Come on, Jeonghan. Like you even need to meet any new people. Aren’t you always complaining about how you get tired while at school because there’s always someone trying to talk to you?”

 

“It’s not tiring when it’s someone who i’m interested in.” Jeonghan emphasized after a particularly long drink from his cup. “I’m just sick of all of the girls who I have basically no attraction to trying to hit on me like I’m some piece of walking meat to attack.” 

 

“You sell dates. You make people pay money to spend time you with.” Junhui deadpanned. “If you didn’t want to come off as some guy who was practically willing to sell himself like a product, then maybe you wouldn’t actually take money for services…” 

 

This made Jeonghan pause for a long moment, with lips parted in an attempt to find something smart to say but failing to do so. He settled for nodding firmly instead. “You are right, but that does not mean that it’s still not exhausting at the end of a day! Imagine you’re in class trying to pay attention and some average looking girl you’ve never spoken with a single day in your life keeps trying to whisper into your ear and giggle at every little thing you say or do. Then repeat that throughout all five classes throughout the day. It’s actually fucking exhausting.” 

 

“You just miss Joshua. That’s why everything is bothering you these days.” Junhui replied matter of factly before moving to wipe off some extra condensation off the bar with his towel. Vernon nearly choked on his drink as he witnessed the male speak so openly without any regard for offending their senior with that bold statement. Quickly, his own eyes wandered to gauge Jeonghan’s expression for any sudden reaction but surprisingly, the eldest male only let out a somewhat bitter laugh and shrugged. 

 

“I mean, what can I say? He was always my favorite. Now that he’s gone, things just seem to lose all meaning, you know? Like nothing interests me or excites me as much as he used to.” Jeonghan let out a light sigh as his eyes stared into the drink that Junhui had prepared for him, aimlessly glancing down into the liquid to absentmindedly stir his straw around in pointless patterns. As he hung his head down and the amber rays of long hair shrouded his features, Vernon didn’t even know what to say in order to made things better for him. He just watched as the strands of hair framed his face so gracefully in that way and absolutely hated the way things had unfolded to hurt both of his friends so badly. 

 

Maybe as if he had sensed some of Vernon’s apprehension with approaching Jeonghan, Junhui stepped in to give the male an affectionate ruffle to his hair. “Hey, keep your beautiful little face upwards, sunshine. Don’t let nothing get you down.” 

 

Jeonghan looked up at him and immediately let out a stifled laugh. “I think you meant to say,  _ ‘keep your chin upwards’ _ , not your ‘face’. But regardless, I think I appreciate that? It was still cute.” 

 

“Either way, you get what I meant-” Junhui mumbled out quickly before a bright smile settled itself onto to his face, the grin almost infectious due to the pure excitement it held alone to whatever idea suddenly hit him. “Are you guys just going to sit at the bar all night? Why don’t you two go off and dance together or something? At least if you’re gonna be sad and miserable, go off and be sad and miserable while doing something a little fun, am I right?” 

 

“I’m not a dancer.” Vernon immediately interjected.

 

“And I’ve tried to get Vernon to dance with me but he just shifts from side to side very stiffly. Someone needs to loosen him up.” Jeonghan commented, which earned an eager grin from Junhui as he raised a bottle of vodka into the air. 

 

“Did I hear that someone needs more drinks?” He practically sang out and Vernon clutched his already too strong drink to his chest, away from it getting any more tainted than it currently was. Yet Jeonghan was still there to hold out his pretty little mojito drink and get a little splash of something stronger in there. 

 

“I don’t know what Vernon’s sulking about, but if I had to guess, I would say perhaps just a little love sickness? The uncertainty of winning your crush over?” Jeonghan’s eyes moved over to Vernon who just shyly shrugged a bit in response before continuing on. “And we all know what’s going on with me currently. I think absolutely no amount of dancing, or drinking, or even smoking tonight is gonna fix anything for either of us.” 

 

Junhui’s lips found themselves pressing together and protruding out slightly in an almost pout as he took a long second to think about that. With arms crossed over his chest and his head tipped to the side, it was almost like he himself had to conceive some perfect solution in order to fix the problem. If not, it would physically torture him not to make things better. Much like before, when the male had gotten a particularly good idea and his lips parted into a small ‘o’ shape and something within his dark eyes danced with wild excitement. Currently it was happening again but seemingly much more dramatic to the point where Vernon considered he might actually explode from all the anticipation. 

 

“Holy fucking shit, Jeonghan- I fucking knew it!” Junhui found his voice raising up higher than even the music that was currently thumping throughout the club and shaking the walls. His voice was slightly shrill, to the point where the other bar visitors probably stopped their own personal conversations to get a look at what was so surprising. “I knew he would come back to you eventually, I just knew it!” 

 

Jeonghan’s head tipped to the side in complete confusion and he squinted his eyes. “What the fuck are you even talking about?” 

 

“Are you talking about Joshua? Coming here?” An equally confused Vernon took a glance around all of the bar stools in the area, checking just to see if his claim had any validity. “He would never come to a night club. It’s completely unlike him.” 

 

“Don’t tell me that I don’t know what my own roommate looks like!  I swear to god, on my whole entire soul that I just saw Joshua walk past the bar at this exact second.” 

 

“You’re barely even on campus, let alone in the dorm. You probably just saw someone who you think looks like him.” Jeonghan dismissed him with a roll of his eyes, letting out a deep sigh as he fanned at his face with one of his hands. “You can’t go around saying things like that, making me all nervous and getting me all worked up. It’s not fair for my heart at all.” 

 

Then a finger poked into Vernon’s bony shoulder from behind and he nearly felt his whole entire stomach flip and flop around inside his body. 

 

Almost like a horror movie, he was forced to turn around and face whoever the mystery person was, with his neck making incredibly slow movements to go and face reality. If Junhui had claimed to spot Joshua, then someone tapped him on the shoulder only mere seconds later, it really did have to be the real Joshua and not some lookalike. Even though they were close friends, Vernon was inwardly praying as hard as he could that it was still all sort of mistake and it actually wasn’t him though. Jeonghan was currently next to him and hadn’t physically talked to him since the whole thing went down weeks ago. And clearly, he was still very much emotional about things. There was bound to be another exchange of words or an outburst of tears or an all out fist fight. Tonight was now about to get even more messy than it already was. 

 

“Hey, I thought I recognized you from across the room.” A soft and familiar voice tickled Vernon’s ears to the point where he even felt a shiver down his spine, yet somehow even pleasantly relaxed him immediately afterwards. His head turned all the way around to meet a very close Seungkwan who was currently bending down between Jeonghan and himself in order to get their attention. 

 

Before Vernon could even decide how to respond, Jeonghan affectionately called out to him first and drew him into a hug. “What the hell- Vernon didn’t even tell me that you were planning on coming tonight! What are you doing here?” 

 

Seungkwan just bit back a small smile as he allowed himself to be pulled into the giant hug, almost to the point where Jeonghan was almost about to pull him onto the barstool and sit on his lap any moment now. “Well, Hansol didn’t exactly know I was coming tonight either...it’s kind of like an unexpected surprise.” 

 

Vernon was flustered. He always was around Seungkwan, but this was so much more so. This whole night had been filled with enough complicated thoughts to get his head spinning, with all of those thoughts directly involving the male in front of him in some sort. Attending the club promotion tonight seemed like the perfect setting for getting away from Seungkwan’s presence just for a little while to think things through. Or maybe if he was lucky enough, the loud booming music and people bumping into him would even serve as a complete distraction. But then Seungkwan had to show up all unexpected like this and send him through a complete whirlpool of emotions again. Not to mention, he had shown up wearing one of Vernon’s own personal sweatshirts that was slightly too big on his frame but completely torturing to look at. Vernon secretly cursed him out in his head for having the right to be so damn cute while wearing his own clothes. 

 

“It’s my first time to visit a club tonight, so I’m not exactly sure if I’m going to like it… but once I mentioned it to my friends, they were really eager to drag me out here. Oh that’s right- Jeonghan-hyung, you’ve met my friends before!” Seungkwan responded with a small giggle before turning around to introduce them again with a pointed finger. “Seokmin and Soonyoung.” 

 

 

Only now, Vernon had realized that he had company with him. His eyes were so focused on really trying to see if Seungkwan was really at the night club and currently standing right in front of him under all of those flashing neon lights that he didn’t even take the chance to look behind him. Soonyoung’s smile was already spilling over his lips as he took a few steps forward to greet Jeonghan. 

 

“I know that I told you to call me Soon last time, but tonight you can call me Hoshi because the dance performance is just about to begin!” Soonyoung introduced himself confidently as his hands smoothed down the sides of his polished black leather jacket and he struck some kind of pose. It was a bit of a change to see Soonyoung dressed in this type of polished party clothes instead of sweats, with even his eyes lined delicately with the finest line of black makeup, but it suited him regardlessly. Something seemed much less cute and innocent to his demeanor too, with his eyes sharply resembling those of a sly fox, hidden with mysterious intent for what would unravel for tonight. 

 

Seokmin was almost equally made up as well as Soonyoung was, to the point where Vernon questioned if they actually applied their makeup on together. Yet unlike the proud and overconfident Soonyoung, Seokmin was simply dressed in a pair of dress pants and a silky button up shirt, appearing quite reserved and kept up. It would have looked good in a thousand other situations, but not in a club filled with wild college students. “Soony- I mean Hoshi was wondering if he could use the stage to put on an impromptu dance performance. Vernon, you perform here sometimes, right? Can you hook us up with something? If you can’t that’s fine too though, I can just push through and make a little circle on the dance floor for him.” 

 

Vernon cleared his throat to finally find his voice again. “Um, yeah I think we could work something out… Do you guys know Minghao yet? You know, the tall guy with bright red hair from the party?” 

 

“Never spoke a word to him.” Soonyoung admitted honestly.

 

“Never even noticed him at the party.” Seokmin echoed. 

 

“How could you even miss him? He’s freakishly tall!” Junhui interjected with a shout, trying to lean over the bar counter in order to join in on the conversation and somehow hear them over the music. “I have break in about fifteen minutes so I can take you guys to go find him. But in the meantime can I get you guys any drinks? It’s on the house!” 

 

Soonyoung and Seokmin exchanged eager grins and helped themselves to two heaping mugs of beer filled by Junhui while Vernon happened to notice that Seungkwan was staring at him for some reason. His straightforward gaze alone was enough to send butterflies all throughout Vernon’s stomach, yet  as soon as he caught the male’s eyes with his own, he immediately glanced away and looked elsewhere. He didn’t like that kind of look. It was the same expression that read something like, _ “we need to talk” _ and Vernon didn’t exactly think he was ready for that. 

 

The last time they parted in the campus hallway, things were a bit distance between them- on Vernon’s own choice even. He needed to remind himself not to fall too fast and ruin whatever was going on between them now. If that meant he needed to push himself away in the process, then that was what he was going to do. Whether that was what he actually wanted or not.

 

Shaking him away from these deep thoughts, Seungkwan gave a tug to his sleeve and tried to pull him in closer to whisper by his ear. “Hey, do you wanna go off somewhere more quiet with me and talk? I have to say something that’s kind of urgent.” 

 

Vernon’s lips had been pursed together firmly throughout all of the processing of those deep thoughts, only now parting to let out a low sigh. “Can’t you just say it to me now? I mean, I wouldn’t want to leave Jeonghan here all by himself at the bar to fend off all the creeps who keep staring at him with hunger in their eyes.” 

 

Seungkwan just shook his head quickly from side to side. “Um, I think it’s something that I’d like to keep between you and me for the time being so can you come with me for just a few minutes?” He had requested as his fingertips almost anxiously moved around under the long sleeves of Vernon’s sweatshirt he had been wearing, habitually picking at his fingernails like he did when stress got the best of him. “Besides, I don’t think Jeonghan-hyung would mind at all if-” 

 

“Nope, I don’t mind at all!” Jeonghan insisted with a bright grin, giving Seungkwan a firm pat on the back that was more like a slap before pushing him over to collide into Vernon. “You two go and have fun, I’ll stay here with your friends until we finish our drinks. Then maybe we can all meet up later on the dance floor?” 

 

Seungkwan nodded enthusiastically in response to the older male before turning back to Vernon, smiling that truly adorable smile where the apples of his cheeks bubble up and reach his eyes in only the most pure way. That was when Vernon knew he didn’t really have a choice. Having that smile directed at him for however short a time was enough to make his knees go weak and allow himself to be dragged off to wherever Seungkwan pleased.

 

Past the bar and throughout the large crowds of people congregating all throughout the night club, Seungkwan was almost uncertain of where to go himself as he led Vernon on my the grip of his wrist. It was like he was searching for something, yet unaware of exactly where to find it. So they moved throughout the crowds of drunken people, often getting bumped into, or pushed aside by someone suddenly losing their balance or spilling a drink right in front of them. Eventually they reached the outskirts of the dance floor, and Vernon stopped resolutely in his tracks. 

 

“Seungkwan, I told you many times before that I don’t dance…” 

 

The shorter male blinked up at him with a coy smile on his lips and a tip of his head to the side. “Did I ask you to dance with me? Because I don’t remember ever saying that…” 

 

“Whatever.” Vernon shrugged and looked down at his own shoes. “You said you had something to say, right?” 

 

“Joshua’s here right now. He went to go and find Mingyu when we walked in, but I didn’t know Jeonghan was also here tonight. We invited him because he was all alone on a Friday night so we decided to take him out with us.” 

 

As Vernon’s suspicions had been revealed to be true after all, an incredibly long sigh left his lips as he ran a hand through his hair stressfully. “This night is going to end badly after all, I just fucking knew it.” He mumbled under his breath as his eyes tried to search the bar and look out for the two of them interacting together as they spoke. But Jeonghan was gone from his barstool. Leaving only Soonyoung and Seokmin to chat with Junhui and distract him from the rest of his shift.

“It doesn’t have to be all that bad…” Seungkwan attempted to reason a bit, “I mean, they’re both adults so I’m sure they’ll be able to hang out in the same space without making any problems. They’re capable of treating each other cordially for their friend’s sake.”

 

Vernon just grit his teeth and mumbled out some curses to himself. “You think Jeonghan is just going to react to him showing up with nothing of complete casualty? That’s not his type at all. And it’s more of Seungcheol that I’m worried about. Hell, he’s nearly ready to fight Joshua himself if he sees him trying to approach Jeonghan again-”

 

All of his rambling worries were cut short as he felt both of Seungkwan’s arms begin to wind around his neck, pulling him closer until they were pressed body to body and all words dried up on the tip of his lips. Just seconds later, those words were replaced by a pair of warm lips on his own. Seungkwan was kissing him. In public, in this night club filled with other students from their university and even a large number of their own personal friends. Seungkwan kissed him in front of all those people and Vernon went completely braindead. 

 

As he stared down at the smaller male with utter confusion, there was nothing but a soft and gentle smile on Seungkwan’s face in response. With arms locked unmovingly from their position tightly wrapped around Vernon’s neck, they only pulled him in even closer to talk to him more intimately. “Listen, I know that you’re not exactly having the best day. I know you well enough to see that without even having to ask. And look at yourself, Hansol- you reek like alcohol to the point that I can smell it all throughout your clothes and hair. Were you trying to make things worse by drinking yourself into a coma?” 

 

Vernon wanted to act like a stone. Never moving a single inch from all of Seungkwan’s ministrations, to the point where he would show no expression of anything being wrong due to the stubbornness inside him. But on the inside his heart was beating wildly and unfaithfully to his wishes. Everything suddenly felt like it was heating up and getting blurry all around him, almost like the room was spinning. With all of the flashing lights and loud music slowly fading into the background so that he could only focus on staring into those beautiful eyes belonging to only Seungkwan. 

 

Seeing that Vernon wasn’t really willing to respond right now, Seungkwan took the initiative to gently capture his cheek within his palm. Now their faces could be angled even closer than before, and practically force Vernon to look directly at him with no way to glance around or evade him in anyway. “Hansol-ah, I know you got upset after we spoke today. I don’t know what I said that exactly set you off, but I know something that I said is making you act this way.” His dark brown eyes tried to read into Vernon’s own, with such soul searching expectation in them that it made Vernon feel kind of sick to his stomach for being so easy to read like this. “I can’t take back anything that I said because it was all true coming from my point of things, but I think I can pinpoint where things got mistaken between us.” 

 

Vernon didn’t like to come off as emotional, or like he was overreacting to simple things but there was only so much he could actually hold in. The alcohol in his system didn’t allow him to keep up the protective walls of his pride any longer. He let out a frustrated sigh as he tried to tear away his eyes from Seungkwan’s own. “You said I wasn’t your boyfriend, Seungkwan. If I’m not even close to that, then why would you come all the way out here and find me tonight just to kiss me? I don’t want to be played around with and honestly, my heart couldn’t take the thought of you ending up with someone else.” 

 

Seungkwan’s head tipped his head to the side thoughtfully and let out a small sigh of his own. “Now that I think back on it, it doesn’t seem kind of insensitive of me to say something like that but, well, it is the truth. You’re not my boyfriend because I think the both of us are equally not so ready with publically being open like that. But either way, just because I said you’re not my boyfriend, that doesn’t mean that I’d completely be against the idea some day. I just think we need a little more time before making such a big decision like that.” The male tried to assure him by letting his hand travel over Vernon’s soft skin with genuine care, like any abrupt movements would shatter the moment as if it were glass. Fingertips traveled over the pale skin that felt flushed to the touch, from his rising emotions or the effects of alcohol in Vernon’s system as Seungkwan bit back a tender smile. “Hansol-ah, I promise in the meantime that I won’t end up with anyone else. I think my heart is stuck with you too.” 

 

Vernon’s face was still being gently cupped by Seungkwan’s hand, with his heart still beating madly within his chest from everything that these words implied. He withdrew an incredibly shaky breath that he was sure Seungkwan was going to pick up on, but regardlessly the shorter male didn’t even laugh under his breath or speak out about it in any way. He needed a few more moments to compose himself, with even and deep breaths to prevent his heart from pounding away at it’s current rapid pace before he could even speak again. He was nothing but a lightweight for Seungkwan, and with all the drinks he had previously, he was even more embarrassed about how easily his feelings made his body react so openly like this. 

 

Vernon’s lips pursed together for a split second in thought before his teeth bit down to sink into his lip. He still had unanswered questions. Probably still a good twenty questions in his mind that he’d want answered, but maybe that would have to wait for another time. The nightclub wasn’t the right place to have deeply personal discussions. It was far more suited for sudden emotional outbursts and unexpected confessions made off of liquid courage alone. 

 

“Seungkwan, why did you kiss me now? You say you’re not ready so then why?” 

 

The male enwrapped in his arms currently smiled brilliantly up at him, yet with the faintest hint of shyness turning into faint pink spots on his cheeks. “I’ve decided something as of tonight. You think that you’re moving too fast for me. I think that I’m moving too slow for you. Why don’t we make things easier and try to meet in the middle somewhere?” 

 

It sounded like a resolute plan, or the missing solution to fix all of the problems that had been swirling around in Vernon’s mind all night. Like a weight off of his shoulders or a spring in his step, things seemed to be looking up yet again without much issue. Perhaps he’d have to give Seungkwan more credit for knowing the exact things to say exactly when he needed it. He always had a way of doing just that. 

 

Finding a slow smile eventually tickling at his own lips too, Vernon found himself unable to hold it back as he plopped his head down to rest on Seungkwan’s shoulder. He could manage to hide his face within the crook of the elder’s neck, but there was nothing able to hide the smile from reaching his voice. “I think I could settle for being somewhere in the happy medium anyday.” 

 

Seungkwan let out an adoring laugh as his fingers stroked through Vernon’s locks of hair. “Hansol Vernon Chwe, I think you’re dating me now so there’s going to be a lot more things that you’ll have to settle for.” 

 

“Like ordering you both chicken and pizza for takeout when you can’t pick only one?” 

 

“Yeah, but I found another one.” Seungkwan insisted with a playful grin turning the corners of his lips upward. “You’re going to settle for taking me out to that dance floor right now and dancing with me for only a song or two and not complain about it at all!” 

 

Vernon picked his head up from the crook of Seungkwan’s neck and let out a long groan. “Come on, Seungkwan. You know I’m bad at dancing and-” 

 

“Then the more you dance with me, the more practice you’ll get.” 

 

“Can’t you just go dance with Hoshi and Seokmin-”

 

“I don’t see them now. They probably already found Mingyu and went off to do something else.” 

 

“But…. uh…. but…”  Vernon tried to trail on with a list of valid reasons why it wouldn’t be a good idea for him to get out there on the dance floor but he was coming up on blanks. Seungkwan had a good reason for him to get out there though. Or maybe it was a bribe. Or an incentive.

 

All he had to do was place a singular kiss to the tip of Vernon’s lips and that suddenly made it incredibly hard for him to resist. 


	17. embracing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vernon and seungkwan get a little closer with each other in various ways, some important things are discussed with friends, and everything unravels at the end of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm incredibly sorry for not updating in two weeks!   
> but this was a very... plot filled chapter that I hope will make up for most of the waiting.   
> things should be updated on a regular weekly schedule from now on, so no worries about next time!   
> aaaand thank you all for being so dedicated to this story like always! 
> 
> @citruseungkwan on tumblr

As the long evening spent in the nightclub stretched on throughout the early hours of the morning, Vernon didn’t exactly have any plans of leaving anytime soon. 

 

Seungkwan was intertwined with him on the overcrowded dance floor, dancing with their shoes sticky against the alcohol spilled floor and heating up from the atmosphere of being trapped so close together in just a small section of space. Vernon always had his reservations on dancing but when Seungkwan had asked him so nicely, or more like bribed him- once he grabbed Vernon’s hands in his own and dragged him out there, his stubborn legs finally started to move. In no time, he’d be moving along to the upbeat rhythm of some catchy song chosen off of Woozi’s personal playlist and joining Seungkwan in for every beat.  

 

It didn’t exactly match the type of music they were dancing to, but when Seungkwan let their intertwined hands raise in the air for a moment, Vernon pulled him into a graceful spin that left the shorter male pressed flush against his own chest. Rich brown eyes blinking up at him and slightly breathless from the sudden move. Instead of allowing his date to pull away to perform another elaborate dance move, which Seungkwan was actually quite good at, Vernon only clutched him closer with two hands settling down firmly on his hips.

 

“Can we dance a little closer like this?” Vernon found himself suggesting in a moment of boldness as his hands ever so slightly gripped onto the male’s sides more tightly. All it took was one firm tug to get Seungkwan all up in his personal space, enveloping him from behind as their bodies rocked from side to side with the music. 

 

Despite the flashing neon lights obstructing most of his vision, he could have sworn there was a slight pink flush bubbling up to the surface of Seungkwan’s cheeks as the male tipped his head backwards against his chest to take a look at him. “I thought you didn’t want to dance?” Seungkwan asked, and even though he couldn’t fully see his smile, Vernon was almost sure that he found something quite amusing about this. 

 

Vernon bit back his own growing smile and placed a fleeting kiss to the small expanse of skin that lay right under Seungkwan’s ear. “If I absolutely have to dance under any circumstances, then I’d much rather prefer to do it with you. And I just like holding you, so… yeah, I guess that’s why I eventually get around to giving in.” 

 

“I swear, you just like to be difficult.” Seungkwan clicked his tongue momentarily but let his hands travel down Vernon’s forearms that were draped around him, then adjusted them to curl around his form even closer. “But there, hold me as much as you want and don’t you dare think about letting me go.” 

 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Vernon said almost like it was an unspoken promise and allowed his head to dip down and rest against the shorter male’s shoulder. He let his eyelids slide shut slowly as their bodies swayed back and forward to the music so comfortably, with his hold on Seungkwan’s hips never faltering. There was something relaxing about their current actions despite the loud music blasting throughout the club. It felt just like only the two of them existed here. That this night was only made for the two of them. If it never ended, Vernon would be perfectly fine with that. 

 

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like this. Simply enjoying the night and being so close with each other like this, it could have been anywhere between a few minutes or even a whole hour. Time didn’t seem to matter at all in this space. Everything flowed together to the point where Vernon’s mind was starting to grow kind of cloudy from the mix of alcohol finally hitting his system and the growing exhaustion that anticipated the upcoming morning.

 

Seungkwan reached up with one of his hands to press against Vernon’s cheek with somewhat difficulty from their current position of Vernon embracing him from behind. “I think you’re drunk, Hansol-ah.” He commented out with a bit of a pout on his lips as he turned around in the hold to face him. “I thought you were tipsy already because you’re practically leaning on me with all your weight but now your face feels all hot and clammy too.” 

 

“Yeah, it seems to be finally hitting me now…” Vernon admitted to himself, finally noticing the way his legs were starting to feel kind of weak now that the other male mentioned it. He thought everything around him was getting kind of fuzzy due to these warm feelings for Seungkwan making him feel kind of lovestruck but alcohol would definitely have something to do with that too. 

 

“Want to take a break? We can try to sober you up a little with some water and snacks and maybe we can even check up on how Jeonghan is doing too?” Seungkwan suggested. “I mean, I didn’t hear any screaming or fighting so I think that’s a good sign but maybe we should still check in on things…” 

 

Vernon nodded a few times in agreement before taking Seungkwan’s hand and navigating the way out of the dance floor. They stopped by the bar for a few seconds to get some giant glasses of ice water from some bartender that wasn’t Junhui, since the eccentric male didn’t seem to be currently working, and then one fancy sugar filled cocktail for Seungkwan to enjoy in the meantime. Making their way over to the VIP booth that Minghao had still reserved for their group every weekend, the two of them were surprised to find the area almost completely filled up by most members of their friend group. 

 

Seungcheol noticed them approaching first, flashing a bright smile in their direction with an enthusiastic wave. “Hey, Vern! We were looking for you all over the place! Jihoon just arrived and we were thinking of putting on a surprise performing of Fronting before the club closes.” 

 

Almost obscured by Jeonghan, who was currently taking a seat not in the booth but on Seungcheol’s lap instead, a rather cheerful and maybe even red-faced Jihoon leaned forward out of hiding to greet them too. “Hey, I only said I’m up for a sudden performance if we’re all not too sloshed to get up there. And by the looks of Vernon’s facial complexion, he doesn’t look too up for it…” 

 

Seungkwan slid into the cramped booth next to Jeonghan and Seungcheol with Vernon following behind him, letting out a soft laugh as Jeonghan immediately moved to wrap his arms around his shoulders in lazy embrace as well. “Hansol will be fine, he just needs to keep hydrated and eat a little something and he’ll sober up in no time.” 

 

Vernon let one hand ruffle through his own locks of hair, smoothing them backwards in a more slicked back hairstyle in an attempt to cool at his own flushed face. “Yeah, I’m just so pale that it looks much worse than it actually is… I’ll be fine but in all honestly, I don’t think I’m so up to any more performing tonight. Junhui’s secret menu of alcoholic drinks hit much more powerful than I would have ever expected.” 

 

Junhui reached across the table to pat at the back of his hand sympathetically. “I only gave you what you were asking for, honey. You wanted to get completely fucked up so I gave you the strongest thing I could come up with. But hey, I could head back to the bar and mix you up a super light bloody mary. I heard all of the juices used in that are perfect for nursing whatever hangover that’s about to come!” 

 

Minghao simply shook his head. “I told you, you’re off for the night. No more working today. Next time one of the waiters come by I’ll just send in for the order then.” 

 

Junhui parted his lips to respond with something but Vernon interrupted him before this topic could go on any further. “No, you don’t have to go through all of that trouble for me. I’m fine, really. It was just kind of hot out there on the dancefloor so I just need to take a break away from the crowds for a little while.” Vernon insisted with a light chuckle, moving to take a long sip of his water before any of his hyungs could continue to worry about him. “Thanks for letting us use the club as much as we want though, Minghao. It feels nice to have a more quiet place to get back to like this. You’re too good of a host for sure.”

 

The sudden comment caused the taller male to blink slightly in surprise from receiving the unexpected compliment, then a somewhat shy smile spread across his face. “Well, all of you guys are like my best friends now. You all welcomed me here and spent time with me when I had no one else. It’s the least that I could do to show you guys that I’m thankful for all the support.” 

 

“You know, HaoHao was very anxious when he first came here.” Junhui leaned across the table to speak to everyone closer, lowering his voice down like it was almost a secret or something of the sort. “He uses his various business ventures to make sure that he’s busy enough not to get too lonely, and it’s not like he can really reach out to new people often because his Korean is still a work in progress. Of course he has me here, but I’m too busy with work and school to keep him company all the time. I think you guys made him really happy. Just by inviting him to places and spending time together, I think you gave him that courage to finally start speaking up and actually start  _ using _ that Korean that he forced me to teach him.” 

 

“Well of course we’d include him.” Jeonghan insisted passively. “It’s like we’re all part of one big family now so we’d never leave anyone out. Hao’s become an important part of our group anyways. So much subtle cuteness, I don’t even know what we’d do without him now. I mean we already have Chan and Seungkwan, but Minghao is far too natural when he sneaks in those subtle acts of cuteness on a rare occasion. It’s like he’s pure but he tries to hide it.” 

 

Junhui let out a quiet gasp. “Oh my, you haven’t even seen the worst of it! You should see when he gets unexpectedly needy sometimes and practically clings onto me like some lost puppy. Or when he gets the slightest touch of the cold and I have to do everything for him. I don’t even know why he tries to go around looking all stoic on the outside when that’s clearly not the true him.” 

 

Jeonghan joined him in a moment of equal excitement, his eyes widening slightly as he realized something. “That sounds just like our Mingyu! The two of them have been spending a lot of time together lately so maybe they’re rubbing off on each other!” 

 

“Hey-” Minghao interjected quite visibly bashfully, quickly glancing between the two males that were getting too caught up in their conversation about him. “Can we stop talking about me and talk about literally anything else instead? I don’t like to listen to of of that when I’m sitting right here...and in front of you.”

 

Jeonghan let out a soft sigh of defeat and sunk back into his chair, or more like settled more firmly into Seungcheol’s lap as the male’s strong arms locked around him to keep him in place. Or to keep him from sliding off and landing on Seungkwan’s lap instead, which Vernon was pretty sure he wouldn’t even mind anyways. “Where even is Mingyu? Or Wonwoo for that matter? I’ve barely seen them all night.” 

 

“Haven’t seen either of them since we finished the performance.” Seungcheol replied with a shrug. “They’re probably off getting into trouble somewhere. Like always.” 

 

Jihoon hurriedly sipped a mouthful of his own mug of beer before clearing his throat and chiming in. “Nah, I saw them when I was on my way over here. They were on the floor with some other guys and damn, whoever they were with was really drawing some attention in just by the way they were dancing. I’ve never seen anything quite like it actually. Usually people don’t go in that hard while dancing at a club…” 

 

Vernon and Seungkwan exchanged amused glances at each other as they heard this, with a round of soft laughter to follow after. That sounded a lot like Soonyoung out there, or currently Soonyoung performing as Hoshi. Vernon had never really seen him dance other than the hilarious girl group dances he had watched when they all went to karaoke together, or from what he secretly watched from the window of the sound studio during the musical rehearsal times. He’d definitely have to check out whatever he was doing on the dancefloor tonight. Perhaps it would be completely different to watch him in this atmosphere. Vernon already anticipated it and was even about to suggest checking it out with Seungkwan right now, if it wasn’t for one of his hyungs speaking up first. 

 

“Everything is fixed now, huh?” Junhui had questioned from his position across the table, his eyes meeting none other than Vernon’s own. He had a gentle smile on his face as his arms folded over to cross against his chest, his expression seeming almost like he knew much more than Vernon had ever even told him about. “Now it seems like everything has fallen back into it’s usual place between the two of you.” 

 

“Ah…” Vernon had cleared his throat cautiously, watching all of his friend’s eyes suddenly flicker to himself in questioning after hearing what the older male was getting at. The previous conversation that started at the bar before had only occurred between Junhui, Jeonghan, and himself. Unsure of how much of his personal information he wanted to get out to the whole group, Vernon felt his nerves starting to get the best of him. “Um, yeah. Everything is good. We worked everything out without any problems.” 

 

“See, I knew it.” Jeonghan replied, resting his hand down on Seungkwan’s shoulder after patting it a few times. “I can just see the way that you kids look at each other and I know that there’s something special there. I don’t think it could ever be ruined over something like a little unspoken misunderstanding.” 

 

Seungcheol raised a brow up as he glanced between the two of them before focusing in on Vernon. “You two got into a fight?” 

 

“About what?” Jihoon chimed in with a snicker. “Vernon’s pretty much the least hostile person I’ve ever experienced.” 

 

Vernon felt his stomach sink to the bottom of his chest with a somewhat shameful feeling taking over his emotions, with all of the eyes on him starting to make him feel overheated due to the intensity of their stares. It wasn’t like he didn’t want his friends to know. It wasn’t like that at all. He himself didn’t know how much he could say, or if he could say anything at all about the new changes between Seungkwan and himself. Wanting to turn his head and gauge his date’s reaction to all of this, yet stopping himself in worries that they’d somehow be able to see through that glance and know everything anyways, Vernon just found himself wordlessly shrugging.

 

His eyes fell down to his lap in avoidance of all his friend’s stares, where he watched Seungkwan’s own hand traveling over his lap to meet his own. All it took was one small gesture to wash all of his worries away. Seungkwan made the first move of intertwining their pinkies with one another, therefore connecting their hands together under the table and out of sight from all of their friends. 

 

“We didn’t exactly have a ‘fight’ per se…” Seungkwan had spoke up for him, only continuing on with explaining after earning a subtle nod in approval from Vernon.  “We just had some things that we desperately needed to talk about after avoiding the subject for a long time …”

 

These were their best friends. Vernon would trust them with just about anything, and especially something like this. Even before the words were going to come out, he was undoubtedly sure they’d be nothing but absolutely accepting and congratulating but Vernon’s stomach was twisting and his heart was leaping nonetheless. It was all so exciting to finally be happening yet so god damn nerve wracking to admit something as big as this for Vernon. He’d never actually came out before. 

 

Under the table, Vernon gave Seungkwan’s little finger a tighter squeeze than before for a show of wordless support. Almost immediately it was returned back to him. They were in this together. 

 

“Seungkwan and I…” Vernon had to start out slowly to find his voice that was hiding in the back of his throat, now realizing that it was treading the line of almost to the verge of trembling with all of these emotions mixing together for the first time. “Well, I guess it’s obvious that I’ve had some feelings towards him for awhile and I’m sure that most of you picked up on that already.” 

 

Jihoon rolled his eyes. “That’s the biggest understatement of the century.” 

 

Jeonghan immediately shushed him and swatted at his shoulder. “Shut up and let them speak.” 

 

Despite the slight distraction, Seungkwan kept his eyes locked on Vernon the whole time. Their hands that lay together on Vernon’s own lap had become somewhat of a lifeline, the only thing giving him the courage to continue on despite his heartbeat racing almost painfully in his chest. Then Seungkwan smiled so warmly and longingly at him that it physically made his heart ache too.

 

“I have feelings for Hansol as well, so as of tonight we’ve decided to officially start dating.” Seungkwan had announced on behalf of the both of him, most likely sensing that this was a lot for Vernon to handle and he was already getting choked up enough right now. As soon as the words were out there, it was like the weight of a lifetime was completely taken off of his chest and replaced with nothing but waves of completely warm and soft bliss. Vernon was pretty sure that nothing in the whole world felt better than to watch the little way that Seungkwan’s eyes crinkled up in happiness as soon as their friends loudly cheered out for them. 

 

Junhui actually screamed. Jeonghan visibly started to tear up. Seungcheol’s grin spread all the way to his eyes. Jihoon was smiling smugly to himself. And Minghao’s mouth was actually gaping open but also somewhat smiling at the same time. Then there was a flood of words of congratulations and excitement and happiness that all seemed to blend together in a mix that made all of the preexisting anxiety bubbling in Vernon’s stomach finally wash away. 

 

“I can’t believe it- It’s finally happening.” Jeonghan clutched onto his beloved Seungkwan in a rather dramatic manner, swaying the smaller male back and forth in his arms as Seungkwan just chuckled softly in his hold. “We all knew it was going to happen but I can’t believe you just went out and said it so suddenly!” 

 

“Proud of you, Vern.” Seungcheol said from across the table, reaching over to pat at his shoulder affectionately before reaching up to ruffle his hair as well. “We knew that you wanted this for a long time, so congrats on finally going out there and making him yours.” 

 

Junhui wasn’t even saying anything, just slowly starting to tear up as well to the point where Minghao turned to him with a raised brow. “Why are you even crying? You just met them tonight…” 

 

Fanning at his face quickly with two hands in an attempt to stop his eyes from watering, Junhui let out a dreamy sigh. “I just  _ love _ love. You don’t get to witness things like this every other day. I can’t believe I just watched a real life love story play out in front of my very own eyes.” Minghao didn’t really know how to reply to this, but used the sleeves of his sweatshirt to blot away all of the stray tears that actually spilled over onto Junhui’s cheeks with care. 

 

As Jihoon’s eyes started wandering all around to his friends, from Vernon and Seungkwan clutching each other’s hands quite obviously under the table, or to Jeonghan still perched on Seungcheol’s lap, and to Minghao utmostly focused on tending to Junhui, he raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Does everyone in our friend group have a secret thing for each other or what? I swear- I’m the only one who’s not trying to get involved with somebody here.”

 

“Don’t worry, my little buddy.” Junhui quickly turned to him and flatted out his pastel locks of hair down with a few sympathetic pats to the head, in which Jihoon visibly scrunched his face up in response to. “I’m sure your time will come sooner than you know it. Love hits you like a bus! Before you can even get out of the way it hits you hard!”

 

“I don’t want to date any singular one of you! It’s weird that everyone tries to keep dating around in the same group! I mean, I thought sloppy seconds were bad but you guys take it to the next level-” 

 

Junhui blinked a few times in confusion at the sudden outburst but Jeonghan exchanged a knowing glance with him and shook his head dismissively. “He’s only getting worked up because you mentioned the whole ‘short’ thing...” 

 

“Ah, it’s a complex of his? I really didn’t know but it makes sense...” The Chinese male attempted to whisper over the table, which was pretty much useless since his voice was still raised at a high enough level to reach his friend. “So I should just avoid all mentions of height, and all words such as ‘little’, ‘small’, ‘short’ and ‘tiny’? Sounds easy enough to keep in mind for next time.” 

 

The male wasn’t being anywhere near sarcastic at all, which made Jihoon visibly shake his head in a loss of words and tip his head back to down the remaining half of his beer in a single attempt. With a sloppy wipe to his lips and a deep sigh, he turned to Minghao. “We’re gonna need a lot more drinks at this table if you’re expecting me to listen to all of this bullshit without getting up and leaving.” 

 

“And maybe some more for celebrating the good news too?” Seungcheol suggested with a small polite smile. 

 

“Great! I’ll go run and put in an order for you guys and another barista can bring it by later!” Junhui cheerfully decided and went to push past his own best friend before Minghao stubbornly shook his head from side to side and refused to move. 

 

“I said you’re off for tonight.” He insisted with an earnest smile, placing his hand on Junhui’s chest to lightly push him back down into his seat as he rose up to stand instead. “I’ll go and put in the order, you just sit back and relax here for the night.” 

 

“But I’m supposed to-” 

 

“I already let you take off for the night, so please just listen to me just once and enjoy a weekend night without working. You deserve some time to relax and have fun with your friends, Jun.” Minghao furthermore insisted, causing the male to visibly sink back down into his head with a slight pout. 

 

“I’ll accept your offer but I’ll still feel incredibly guilty about it…” 

 

“The decision has already been made so please stop pouting. You’ll just end up making  _ me _ feel guilty about making you feel guilty too.” Minghao had tried to reason with him for the last time, but as soon as Junhui had opened his mouth to retort something back, he simply rambled off something in rapidfire Chinese before running off with a playful grin.

 

All five of them left in the booth tried to decipher whatever the foreign words meant in their heads by using their limited knowledge of Chinese words they’d learned from Minghao so far, leaving Junhui by himself to just shake his head let out an airy sigh. Jihoon stopped trying to figure out the meaning and settled for shrugging instead. “Definitely need more drinks to figure out whatever the hell that was.” 

 

“Oh, it’s nothing of importance or anything exciting really.” The only Chinese male left at their table clarified, letting out a soft chuckle as he noticed they were all quite interested in what Minghao’s secretive words had meant. “He just told me that relaxation is a well deserved gift that I should receive more often for all my hard work. That was kind of nice, huh? Minghao doesn’t say such sentimental things out loud very often, so I guess he switched it into our own language so I’d be the only one to hear it.” 

 

“That’s actually really sweet of him.” Jeonghan replied with a soft smile that matched Junhui’s own. “I get what you mean though, he likes to save his affection for moments that are only personal enough to be shared between two people. In a group he’s kind of quiet and just sits back and watches but he gets more adoring when it’s one on one. How pure is that actually? But then again, Seungkwan has some goddamn nerve to outright be so devastatingly cute and adoring…” 

 

As the male was continuing to ramble on openly, his thoughts freely spilling out from him due to the effects of alcohol and the good mood of the night putting him in high spirits, something unexpected happened. Within a split second, it was like time itself had just froze. The happy and alcohol induced pinkness that flushed his cheeks suddenly drained from his complexion. He went pale as soon as his eyes focused in on something in particular. Vernon didn’t even have to follow his gaze to know what was wrong. He already knew this was the one thing that they were all praying for not to happen tonight. Once Jeonghan’s eyes had picked out the male that they’d all purposely trying to keep him away from, now there was nothing they would be able to do to stop a confrontation. 

 

Mingyu and Wonwoo were making their way over to their reserved table with the male in questioning being pulled along in tow. Mingyu had an absolute shit eating grin on his face as he physically had Joshua’s arm latched together with his own. This all seemed so unlike him. The sight alone made Vernon almost boil over in anger. Mingyu was never like this. He was actually plotting and pulling Joshua into this like it was all some sort of game. For Vernon to witness all of the hurt and pain his friends had gone through so far, this wasn’t okay at all in his own terms. Mingyu didn’t have personal feelings involved so he had nothing to lose by trying to meddle with their relationship.

 

Vernon was the first one to stand up from the booth, trying to get in the middle of things before they could get even more messy. “Guys, this is a really horrible idea.” Vernon almost tried to plead with them to stop before it even got started, using his body as a sheild to prevent them from approaching Jeonghan any closer. “We were all having a really good night and I’m not trying to disinclude anyone here but I think it’s better if we hang out in different sections of the club tonight. That’s just what seems to be the best option for everyone here.” 

 

“Come on, Vernon.” Mingyu asserted back with the slight roll of his eyes. “It’s about time that we finally let the inevitable play out. I’m so tired of dancing around in circles to try and prevent more feelings from getting hurt, or trying to avoid any awkwardness. Let’s  _ please _ just get this over with.” 

 

“Are you actually fucking insane, Mingyu?” Seungcheol gritted out from somewhere behind Vernon. He didn’t even have to turn around to gauge how angry the male was getting. Vernon could already imagine him almost completely boiled over from the sight alone, just like he himself had felt seconds earlier. 

 

“I just want to go home.” Joshua started out calmly, yet if one listened close enough there was the slightest uneasiness trembling in his voice as he tried to slacken Mingyu’s hold on his arm. “I don’t want this. We can pretend this all never happened and I’ll go home without any word. I don’t want to bother anyone or create more problems.” 

 

Mingyu let out a long sigh as he thought through all of his options. “I’m not trying to come off as the bad guy here. I’m really not. I know it looks bad but my intentions are nothing but pure” He insisted a bit stressfully, releasing his tight hold on Joshua’s arm in order to let his hand shakily brush back through his own hair instead. “I know that you two obviously have some things that you need to say to each other to end things for good. You know, to make it a good clean break. It’s driving everyone else absolutely crazy that you won’t speak to each other and keep running from ending this. Can’t you act as two adults and speak your mind without all of these games?” 

 

There was a moment of looming silence from everyone in the group despite the loud club music still banging through the speakers and vibrating through the floor below. Certainly everyone had their own opinions about what was the best choice to make, and some people were clearly more emotionally invested into this problem than others. Tensions were unbearably high, to the point where it even made Vernon’s forehead start to perspire due to the secondhand stress he experienced. 

 

Coming off as resolute in his thoughts and handling things as mature as always, Junhui was the first one to speak up and break that silence. “I know that Joshua has a lot to say but he’s refused to speak it in favor of pushing Jeonghan away, since everyone in this group is practically forcing him to keep his distance.” Junhui tried to reason out, slowly glancing between Joshua who was dejectedly staring down at his shoes and Jeonghan who was currently dissociating as well. “If Jeonghan wants to speak with him, and Joshua is wants to communicate with him without all of you guys pressuring him, then I think we should let them speak without interfering. This can be the one last time. If it ends badly, then we won’t try again.” 

 

Jihoon just shrugged casually, not wanting to get too wrapped up in all of this. “If Jeonghan feels like he needs more answers, then let him go and get them. Who are you guys to prevent him from getting that?” 

 

Wonwoo eventually stepped forward from lingering behind the two of them as well, peering over to gauge Joshua’s expression with a careful gaze. “I feel as if Joshua had been wanting to step forward and approach him sooner but with all of us getting involved in their business, that’s what drew him to pull back in the first place. He’s willing to try and make things better, so I think we should hear him out.” 

 

Vernon had immediately known that this was the worst possible scenario that could have happened for tonight. Only mere seconds ago he was furious at Mingyu himself for stirring up problems like this and for furthermore instigating things. Yet as his more rational minded elders started to speak for why all of this could actually be a good idea, Vernon was starting to go back on all of his reservations. Their friend group had caused this whole situation to get more complicated and blown up than it already was in the first place, with the two people it involved only getting pushed further away from each other in the process. Everyone had conflicting and constantly changing opinions on all of this, to the point where the simplest option would be to let the two of them handle it for themselves. Perhaps it was more like their responsibility as friends to try and get things back to a more normal place after they took part in convoluting it even more. 

 

With a long sigh that attempted to clear his own mind into making the most rational decision too, Vernon turned around to approach Jeonghan. Lowering himself down to the male’s level, he only realized how shaken up and lost that his elder really was right now. The hands that were hiding under the table and resting on his own lap were trembling with uncertainty, with his lower lip tucked between his teeth to stop that from trembling as well. Vernon hated seeing him like this, but it was furthermore evidence of how important these two were to each other. Perhaps Joshua was the only person in the world who could shake the ever so obstinate Jeonghan up this way. 

 

“I’m going to let you choose what to do here.” Vernon had whispered to him softly, trying to keep the conversation between their small group only as his eyes sincerely searched for Jeonghan’s own. “Without worrying what anyone else is going to say or do in response to your answer, just make the decision that you think is going to be the best for you.”

 

Seungkwan had been close enough to listen in too, letting his hand settle onto Jeonghan’s thigh with a soft pat and a gentle smile.  “We’re all your friends, so we’re going to support you either way, no matter which choice you make. I hope you can remember that.” 

 

This visibly seemed to calm Jeonghan down in the slightest of ways as he finally released a shaky breath that he had been holding for quite some time. Still anxiously playing around with the lip that was still clutched between his teeth, he had to firmly bite down on it as came to terms with making this resolute decision. This could change everything for them yet again. That’s what made it all so vital to choose the right option. Surely the whole process was nerve wracking for the both of them, like everything was hanging out on the line all over again with even more uncertainty that would follow.

 

“I want to talk with him.” Jeonghan had finally found his words after all of those tense moments of trying to composing himself, unwaveringly keeping his eyes locked onto Joshua. “I want to make things right with him.”

 

 

These words created another immense round of silence between everyone within their vicinity. Surely numerous rounds of relieved sighs and tensely held breaths were let loose as the words unraveled themselves into truth. But saying those words out loud was only the first step towards fixing this. They’d still have to follow along with actions. Jeonghan would still have to get up and finally confront this. 

 

Vernon took the first step to move out of the way, followed by Seungkwan who started to slide out of the booth to give Jeonghan access to make his own way out. Almost as if still unsure of whether or not he could really have the courage to go through with this or not, Jeonghan allowed himself to take a moment to return his breathing back to a normal pace. He was still slightly unsettled in deciding to slide off of Seungcheol’s lap or stay into the comfortable safety that the eldest male’s arms provided him. But his words were already out there and he wanted to follow through with them. 

 

On the way to stand up and approach Joshua, Seungcheol’s arms suddenly slid around his waist again and pulled him back down onto his lap, keeping him locked in his current place within his hold. Vernon’s heart actually stopped from seeing this. Seungcheol’s dark brown orbs held something so resolute within them that he feared that all of this was going to be stopped far before it could ever be finally resolved. Hell, maybe he’d actually go after Joshua himself. 

 

“I’m not going to object against this because I can see how badly you need this...” Seungcheol started to reason out, lightly holding Jeonghan back against him more comfortably for just one last time to explain his viewpoint of things. He let out a nervous sigh of his own as his eyes distantly flickered down to somewhere else, visibly searching for all of his own courage to find the words he wanted to convey as well. “But I have some things of my own that I need to say before this continues on.”

 

Uncharacteristically filled with anxiety and clashing against his normally rock strong exterior, their reliable older friend was caught in a moment of his own undoing. To stop himself from faltering even more, one of his hands shakily gripped for Jeonghan’s own, smoothing the back of the younger’s hand with his fingertips in order to calm himself down to speak. “I’m in love with you. Yoon Jeonghan, I am completely and utterly in love with you.” 

 

This actually brought tears to Jeonghan’s eyes. Not ones of pure happiness and joy to hear those words, but bitter stinging tears that actually shook up every last thing he had been holding on to inside of him. “Seungcheol… no you don’t- You can’t-” 

 

Despite Jeonghan’s hand trying to push his own away, Seungcheol only allowed himself to gently caress at the smaller hand softly as his lips moved in a low whisper. “You can give me that chance and choose me instead. I’ll take care of you perfectly like I always do, and I’d give you everything you’d ever wanted and needed. I’d protect you and never ever say or do anything to make a single tear fall from your beautiful eyes. I don’t need an answer, but I hope you keep that in mind before you go and do what you’re going to do now…” 

 

Jeonghan was almost immediately ready to respond, furiously blinking back the waterworks in his eyes from completely spilling over. “Seungcheol, that’s the most unfair thing you could have ever done to me right now.” 

 

Seungcheol could only smile up at him with a smile that was so sincerely filled with love yet with nothing but complete sadness hiding underneath it at the same time, finally parting with him as he released the male’s hand from his own. “I know. It’s horrible of me but it’s nothing but the complete and utter truth.”

 

“I don’t know… I don’t even know what to think right now…” Jeonghan started to stand up shakily from his position at the table, starting to push past Seungkwan and Vernon but only getting so far before Junhui immediately got up from where he was and wrapped his form around the upset male completely. 

 

The Chinese male let him clutch onto his whole body as he finally broke down in tears, almost being too helpless to do anything to help any of this. All he could do was try to distract him by playing with those soft locks of long auburn hair and cooing sweet words of support into his ear. “I know, I know, all of this isn’t fair at all. Go ahead and feel everything, don’t try to hide it. You have to let these emotions out before they get trapped inside any further.” 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Vernon noticed Jihoon whispering into Seungcheol’s ear quite intently. He didn’t want to know. Within his thoughts, he was already wondering what in the hell Seungcheol had tried to pull there. Was it really the truth or just a plot to manipulate Jeonghan further away from returning back to Joshua? Clearly having more things to worry about right now, Vernon pushed all of that speculation aside. He’d simply write it off it as an act of love getting the best of someone. Without even moving to stop either of them, he let his elder friends silently slip out of the club without a word of goodbye. 

 

Seungkwan had made his way over to Jeonghan as well, attempting to wrap his arms around him and Junhui too in a group hug to comfort the male. Wonwoo and Mingyu were still by Joshua’s side, with both of their hands on each of his shoulders as Joshua himself was having quite a hard time worrying about all of this as well. Of course he wouldn’t have reacted to Seungcheol’s confession easily. He was Jeonghan’s roommate and best friend, and forever going to be an outside part of whatever they had going on there. Joshua looked absolutely worried sick so Vernon took the chance to approach him first. 

 

“Let’s just relax for the rest of tonight. We don’t have to discuss anything that happened here. We can all go home and get some rest and whatever needs to be said can be done tomorrow.” Vernon tried to rationalize, earning a few nods in approval from his friends too. 

 

“I’m fucking speechless.” Joshua had replied back to him in English, keeping his words like a secret between the two of them. “How the fuck am I ever going to win him back after Seungcheol goes off and says something like that?” 

 

“Let’s not get too wrapped up in this, take some small baby steps on working your way back into his trust.” Vernon patted him on the back gently before starting to lead him closer to the rest of their friends who were currently huddled around Jeonghan. “Just go and check on him right now. Maybe he really needs you right now.” 

 

Blinking nervously, Joshua ran his fingers through the back of his hair distractedly. “Should I really talk to him now though? After all that happened?” 

 

“There’s nothing wrong with going to check in on him, Josh. Don’t think that much into it.” 

 

The two of them made their way over a bit cautiously, but once Junhui had noticed them approaching out of the corner of his eye, he immediately turned his head around to face them. “I’m taking him home with me tonight. Not to our dorm room but to Minghao’s place. He’s got some extra bedrooms so I’ll take care of him until he’s calmed down enough.” 

 

“Are you sure that’s fine with Minghao?” Seungkwan blinked up at him in slight worry “I mean, he can stay with Vernon and I too if it seems like somewhat of a burden.” 

 

Junhui just smiled softly down at him and shook his head. “Nah, it’s really no problem at all. Minghao’s got too much space in his apartment to live all by himself anyways so maybe he’ll even like the company. Don’t worry though, I’ll take good care of him.” 

 

Pushing the long locks of hair out of his face that had been pressed down against Junhui’s shoulder as he embraced him, Jeonghan was starting to get ahold of himself again. Clearly he was still distressed about everything, but now he could actually focus on breathing normally without wanting to break down again. His eyes and cheeks were stained wet with tears, yet he was making no motions to sob. It was almost like he was reacting numbly to all of this, to where tears just silently continued to fall without any burst of emotion behind them. He was thoroughly exhausted from all of the events of tonight. “I just want to see Joshua….only for a minute before we leave.” 

 

Almost skeptical of whether it was a good choice or not, Junhui kept his arms around the male as he glanced back at Joshua with a somewhat strict look in his eyes. Silently this was a warning not to make any wrong moves that would hurt him even worse, but he kept his normal smile on his lips to prevent Jeonghan from seeing any of this. “You heard him, get over here and come and see him. That’s what he wants after all.” 

 

Joshua didn’t waste a single second as he crossed the remaining distance and took the male into his arms, crushing him against his chest in the most perfect of ways that he’d been dreaming of ever since the last time they’d touched. It was one of those hugs that was impossibly close but still didn’t feel close enough. To the point where Jeonghan’s face was completely pressed against his neck and Joshua was cradling him with nothing but complete and utmost care and maybe it still wasn’t enough. As Vernon watched the two of them finally come together again, all of the previous worries that still lingered inside were soon washed away to be replaced by complete calmness instead. Maybe they really could make this right again. 

 

“I’m sorry…. I’m really so sorry…” Joshua repeated to him over and over again as his hands trailed all over the place in his various attempts to bring some sort of closure to all of this. Whether it came to threading his fingers through the male’s locks of hair carefully, or soothingly rubbing the small of his back, or allowing him to rock their bodies back and forth in the hug an in attempt to comfort him, Joshua was doing the most in order to make up for things. Vernon would at least give him credit for that. 

 

After he had let out the longest and final sigh that he had been holding in for the rest of tonight, he felt a small tug to the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Turning his head sideways and coming face to face with a somewhat bittersweet looking Seungkwan, Vernon tried to smile at him but he too was feeling a bit exhausted after being wrapped up in all of this. 

 

Seungkwan just moved his hold from tugging at Vernon’s sleeve to grasping onto his hand instead, leaning closer to let his voice reach up to his ear. “I feel like we should leave them alone for the rest of the night. Now it’s up for the two of them to make their own decision about where to go next with this.” 

 

“Yeah, there’s nothing more we can do anyways.” Vernon finally tore his eyes away from them with still a bit of uncertainty weighing on his mind, yet forcefully pushing those thoughts away for now. “Want to get out of here? It’s getting too late anyways...” 

 

All he received was an affirmative nod from his date and they decided to slip out without interrupting to say any goodbyes either. They just locked eyes with Junhui and Mingyu and Wonwoo and motioned that they were heading out, to which earned a few knowing smiles in response. They were all tired this for tonight and would most likely be heading out in just a few minutes too. 

 

On the way out, they happened to bump into Minghao. “You guys are heading out already? The club closes in two hours and I already put in the order for another round of drinks…” 

 

Seeing Minghao appear somewhat disappointed by this made Vernon chuckle softly, lightly shaking his head as he reached up to rest a hand on his shoulder. “Well, you missed a lot over the last half hour or so. Everyone’s heading out because there was a bit of a situation. Go talk to Junhui and he’ll catch you up with everything.” 

 

Minghao’s eyes still blinked back his confusion but as Vernon and Seungkwan continued on their way out, he seemingly forgot about all of this as he waved them off with a soft smile. 

 

It wasn’t until their two forms were settled in the backseat of a taxi and driving off into the direction of home that Vernon finally allowed himself to collapse against Seungkwan’s shoulder. Tonight did have a lot in store for everybody, just like he had predicted hours before it started. Despite all of his urges to immediately drift off to sleep right then and there on Seungkwan’s shoulder and sluggishly make his way up to the dorm room whenever they arrived, Vernon found himself restless. 

 

Maybe he even felt somewhat guilty too. As Seungkwan’s lips pressed over his temple with a feather light softness, he only wanted to bask in the relief that Seungkwan was actually dating him. Out of everything that happened tonight, that was certainly the one he couldn’t stop thinking about. Once he held onto this feeling, he never wanted to let it go. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	18. singing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as the university's theatre department finally opens the play for performances, vernon has to deal with a stressed seungkwan, tries to support him as much as possible in the process, and learns to become an absolute fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last chapter was kind of heavy, huh?   
> luckily this time the chapter will be pretty lighthearted in order to make up for it. i hope you enjoy it as much as always! 
> 
> (if you have a svt new york city presale code, can i sell my soul to you in exchange? just wondering.)

Within the next few days, the news of the approaching spring musical performance was starting to spread through the halls of Mugunghwa University. If it wasn’t for the whispers of the female students throughout the halls sharing excited words of checking out their favorite members of the performing arts department, or the actual theatre students speculating about which talent agents might be attending, Vernon was always aware of the growing excitement within the school. Yet for some reason, Seungkwan didn’t seem to be sharing much of this excitement at all.   
  
After returning from one of the last rehearsals in preparation of the opening week performances of the Grease musical, Seungkwan flopped onto his bed with a dramatic huff. “I’m stressed out!” He whined out in frustration, kicking his limbs around almost childishly in an attempt to shake all of his nerves out. “I don’t even have the lead part but all this stress is still killing me!”   
  
“Didn’t you tell me that if you’re not nervous then you most likely have something wrong with you?” Vernon raised an eyebrow from behind his own laptop screen, pausing the video he was currently watching before Seungkwan had theatrically burst into their shared room. “If you’re this stressed out, imagine how Seokmin is feeling right about now.”   
  
Seungkwan groaned and rolled sideways to muffle his face in a pillow. “Don’t even get me started… he won’t stop practicing his notes nonstop, to the point where my ears were physically vibrating and ringing from the intensity of his voice. Don’t get me wrong- he sounds damn good but I just had to get away for a little while.”   
  
This caused a light laugh to escape from Vernon’s lips as he closed his laptop screen and took his earbuds out in favor of making his way over to the side of Seungkwan’s bed instead. “How are you doing with your practice though? From what I could hear of you singing in the shower this morning, you seem to be prepared to perform any minute now.”   
  
Seungkwan rolled around to face him, laying on his back as he opened his arms wide. “I’m still nervous, hug me!”   
  
Wordlessly, Vernon would accept this command without a second thought. He settled for laying on top of Seungkwan’s body without much care as he squished him in the tightest hug he could possibly muster without actually hurting the smaller male. He was kind of skinny so surely he wouldn’t hurt Seungkwan even if he pressed his entire body onto him.   
  
As they settled into each other’s warmth and Vernon felt those happy little butterflies starting to flutter around in his tummy, he let out a completely contented sigh as he pressed his flushed cheek against Seungkwan’s own. He missed him. “I know can get like kind of a perfectionist about these things, but you really don’t have to get that worked up about all of this. All you have to do is open up your mouth to sing and everyone will be absolutely charmed by you already.”  
  
  
“I try not to worry about myself too much because I personally believe that walking into every performance with confidence will rub off positively on my performance and all… but then that leaves me with everyone else to worry about. What if someone messes up the dance formations and gets right in the way and I trip over them and fall right on my ass in the middle of the stage? Or someone forgets their lines and It’s like I’m reciting my own lines back at them like I’m talking to a brick wall? Or what if I go in for the big note and my voice cracks from overexertion? What if-”   
  
All of these worries trapped in his roommate's mind manifested themselves into a series of scattered rambles, to which Vernon responded to by kissing him deeply on the lips. The attempt to silence these worries before allowing them to continue on caused Seungkwan’s eyes to widen suddenly in the surprise of things. Just as he realized what Vernon was doing and finally closed his eyes to return the kiss, Vernon pulled away too quickly and a disappointed whine left his lips.  
  
“Hey, why did you-”   
  
Vernon just chuckled at the noise and pressed a brief kiss to his lips before returning to his previous position of nuzzling against his soft cheek. “You have got to stop all of this worrying, Boo. You’re just going to stress yourself out too much like this and after the performance finishes successfully without any single mistakes, you’re going to beat yourself up over all the time you wasted worrying.”   
  
“I would say you’re right but-”  
  
“No buts!” Vernon insisted, holding onto Seungkwan’s shoulders and lightly shaking him around for a show of mock emphasis. “You will do fine in your performances, Boo Seungkwan. Everything will fall into place without any issue. You’re going to feel so relieved when it’s all over, then you and all your theatre friends will go out for the cast dinner and you gorge yourself on barbeque and finally forget about all of this stress.”   
  
This brought a series of lighthearted laughs to pass from his lips as Vernon shook him around playfully like this, raising an arm to his chest to lightly push him away. “Alright, alright, I got it! I’ll stop worrying…. Or at least I’ll try to…”   
  
Gathering a bit of seriousness in this playful moment that they shared together, Vernon pulled back slightly and rested on his forearms to hover about the smaller male. Wondering how he could help him in washing away all of these worries, he gazed down at him intently as he spoke. “Do you remember what I always told you when you got lost in your worries before? Don’t worry about the things that won’t come.” As he recited this, Seungkwan nodded softly in remembrance and Vernon smiled down at him gently. “I hope you can keep that in mind as the opening night starts to approach closer and closer.”   
  
“I will.” Seungkwan assured him more resolutely as he stared up at Vernon in a way that made his heart feel so unbelievably warm and fuzzy on the inside. He physically couldn’t resist the urges to press his lips to Seungkwan’s forehead for an amorous kiss. His eyes slipped shut as he let his lips linger in place there for a moment, silently trying to soothe away whatever worries still remained locked in his mind by this small gesture.   
  
As Seungkwan let out a deep breath that he had seemingly been holding inside, he finally allowed his gently closed eyelids to slip open and gaze up at Vernon. “Thank you.” He muttered out in a slightly small voice. “I know I can get difficult to handle sometimes.”   
  
Vernon rolled his eyes and only moved so that his arms could clutch around the male’s form tightly again. “I never thought that. Not even once in my whole life.” He insisted as he playfully started to roll Seungkwan on his side, adjusting him perfectly so that he could embrace him from behind and swing a leg over the male’s own to get tangled up in him.   
  
“You haven’t even known me your whole life.”   
  
“But I wish I had.”   
  
“Oh...really?”   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
“Hm, me too..”   
  
“Well, it does already feel like we’ve known each other for much longer than this.”   
  
“Even when we were just friends and met as roommates…” Seungkwan started out, the implications of them now being something more than just that friends label secretly peeked some of Vernon’s excitement inside. “I know we've talked about this before but like honestly, we were actually platonic soulmates.”   
  
Vernon bit back the stupid grin growing on his lips as a cheesy joke conjured up in his mind. “It’s almost like you’re my…. Seoul-mate.” He responded back in basic English that he knew Seungkwan was able to pick on, waiting with an expectant smile as he watched the male’s eyes work around in thought before letting out a gasp.  
  
Seungkwan was only visibly amused by this for a split second before turning around to slap at his shoulder with a groan. “Oh my god, that’s so fucking stupid, Hansol. I mean, I understand it but it’s so dumb!” He practically whined out from the lameness that the joke implied, even going to the point of rolling his eyes around in dismissal of it. “Besides, I’m not even from Seoul! I’d be your Jeju-mate and that makes absolutely no sense at all now.”   
  
“But we met in Seoul so isn’t that all that matters?” Vernon nearly smirked down at him, which caused Seungkwan to let out an unamused grumble. Maybe he was right about that.  
  
“Yeah, but….” He trailed off, trying to come up with something witty enough to respond back with, but faltering slightly as Vernon kept on staring down at him with nothing but cocky pride in his eyes. “That’s just….dumb and you’re dumb. The end.”   
  
Squishing the smaller boy into his chest again for an affectionate hug, Vernon found himself laughing softly at their back and forth banter that they usually found themselves getting lost in. “Boo Seungkwan, you know that I adore you, right?” He found himself confessing in a moment of complete happiness with the other male, the words leaving his lips before he could realize them even forming.   
  
“Hm?” Seungkwan tipped his head to the side, playing coy even though he had definitely heard the words. There was no way he couldn’t have. Vernon had practically whispered them right in his ear. “Do I know that?”   
  
“Now you’re the dumb one if you’re not obvious enough to see that.” Vernon insisted, yet the sudden uttering of his confession seemingly started to get the best of him. He felt a bit shy at this show of boldness and attempted to avoid the male’s gaze by hiding his face in the warm crook of his neck for protection. Yet despite his inability to say something to outright to his face, his lips moved hesitantly to speak as his voice dipped down only quiet enough for Seungkwan to hear these next words, gently mumbling them out against the male’s tanned skin. “I really, really… like you.”   
  
As he felt his heartbeat racing within his own chest, rapid enough to send a warm tingling flush to spread all throughout his body, it felt like the only thing he could do was to keep his face hidden there in order to keep himself calm. Seungkwan allowed for his fingers to brush through Vernon’s light brown hair, ever so softly playing around with the strands in a soothing manner as he bit back his own growing smile. “I really like you too, Hansol. It’s all reciprocated, everything is.” He assured him in this, sensing that Vernon needed to hear the words out loud much more than he needed them himself.   
  
Only clutching him closer within his arms, Vernon pressed a tender kiss to the base of Seungkwan’s neck in a way that made the older male repress a slight shiver in his body, but eventually moved to clutch Vernon closer as well. Neither of them were sure of how long they stayed like this. All they knew was that everything else around them didn’t seem to matter too much anymore when they were together like this. Once their breathing calmed down and fell into a matching rhythm, nothing could beat the calmness that each of their presences brought each other. Seungkwan’s fingers threaded through his hair again, tracing after random nonexistent patterns before eventually stopping to pat at his head lightly. “It’s getting late... I should go and wash up before we both end up falling asleep like this.”   
  
Almost childishly, Vernon pouted to himself and pressed his face more firmly into Seungkwan’s skin. “Five more minutes…”   
  
“Not this again...”   
  
“Just give me five more minutes like this, then I’ll get up first and draw you a nice warm shower at the perfect temperature and pick out the softest set of pajamas I can find throughout both of our sets of clothes and then I’ll give you all the time in the world to relax...without me.” Mumbling out quietly, these words only caused Seungkwan to laugh and reach down with his hands to cup Vernon’s cheeks.   
  
Using his hands to gently force Vernon to take a look at him, he only laughed to himself even more as he noted that the younger male’s lips were uncharacteristically pouting out in a style similar to his own signature way. “Look, you already distracted me away from all of my worries by joking around with me and saying stupid things about ‘seoulmates’. I’d say you’re also pretty good at getting me to relax. How about after I wash up and get changed, we can lay around with face masks on and hold hands while staring up at the ceiling and talking about more pointless things?”   
  
“Face masks?” Vernon mumbled out with slight difficulty as his cheeks were being held in his roommate’s hands, causing his syllables to come out with imperfect pronunciation. “I can’t say I’ve tried one before but if it’s a stress reliever for you, I guess you could count me in to try it.”   
  
Seungkwan beamed at him with an appreciative smile and tugged him closer by his hold on his face, bringing him in for a sweet kiss that showed all of his thanks for Vernon playing along with him like this. “Alright then, get your interesting stories ready to distract me with by the time I finish up my shower and i’ll join you back here as soon as I can.”   
  
“You know what else would be a good stress reliever?” Vernon blinked at him a bit dazedly in response to the unexpected kiss, something that he was starting affect him quite a lot since Seungkwan was quite busy these days and they had to fight for quality time together. “Kissing seems to relieve a lot of physical stress, you know.”   
  
Seungkwan must have noticed the way his gaze was trailing off to his lips and his inability to concentrate on much else at this point, making him roll his eyes around in amusement from this and finally release his hold on those cheeks. “I think you might have a good point there…should we start the kissing before or after the shower?”   
  
Pressing a finger to the tip of his chin to appear thoughtful, Vernon contemplated. “You know, I really like when you get out of the shower and your hair smells all sweet and kind of minty and then your body wash smells something like fresh laundry and slightly like oranges too, and it makes me want to kiss the nape of your neck because it smells so...ugh- it just smells like you and it’s so sweet and perfect.. But uh, as for the kissing, how about we settle for a little bit of both?”   
  
“So before and after?” Seungkwan asked once again to clarify, but Vernon had already gathered him in his arms again and started peppering light and ticklish kisses along his jawline that made the male erupt into a fit of breathlessly laughter. Yeah, they could definitely settle for a little bit of before and after.   
  
  
. . . . .   
  
On the actual night of the first performance out of three, Vernon was stuck in some sort of a dilemma. Of course he knew that he was doing something extremely unprofessional by messaging Soonyoung on such short notice as he carefully managed to find one of the back doors of the auditorium without getting caught, impatiently waiting to receive an answer to his text message. Within his arms laid a pile of carefully wrapped baby blue flowers along with a soft and cloud-like bundle of tiny baby’s breath flowers to complete the bouquet. His other hand was occupied with some kind of herbal tea mixed with honey that the worker at the tea store had managed to talk him into after explaining all of the health benefits it included. The flowers were to simply make him smile and the tea was to protect his voice from getting worn out. Even though most people generally waited until the end of the show to give congratulatory gifts, Vernon had already made up his mind to surprise him before the actual show. Maybe that would finally cure the last of the nerves that still lingered in the back of his mind before the performance.   
  
Soonyoung was taking forever to respond. Most certainly he was busy with rehearsing his own parts right now, but Vernon sent a few more frantic messages before he would finally end up giving up and going to find his seat in the auditorium instead. It was quite hard to carry the bundle of flowers against his arm, with balancing the scalding hot tea in his hand along with texting on his phone in the other, but he was on a mission. He would manage to tell Soonyoung exactly where he was trying to get into and silently pray that he would be let in before things got too late.   
  
From what felt like almost an hour but in reality was more like ten minutes, a nearly breathless Soonyoung had cracked open the backstage door and curiously stuck his head out. Upon seeing Vernon standing there, his signature goofy grin reached his eyes. “Aww, are those for me? You shouldn’t have.”   
  
“You know... they’re actually for Seungkwan but I’d be willing to scramble around campus to pick some flowers off a bush for you. Just as a reward for finally answering my distress call.” Vernon responded back with a soft laugh, stepping into the building as Soonyoung beckoned for him to come in.   
  
“I can’t say I’m not hurt by your lack of presents for me, but since you’re dating Seungkwan I’ll let it slide.” The older male said over his shoulder as he started leading Vernon throughout the complicated and narrow hallways of the backstage area, ducking under various large constructed stage pieces and making sure not to bump into anyone practicing their dance steps along the way. “Congrats on officially getting together though! I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when you guys made it public, but I found out shortly after of course. Seokmin was practically crying in the club when he found out. He was dancing with tears in his eyes. It was horribly embarrassing.”   
  
“Yeah, actually I can imagine that very vividly…” Vernon muttered under his breath distractedly as they squeezed a group of girls wearing oversized poodle skirts, making a mental note to carefully avoid bumping into one of them and ruining their stage costumes. Soonyoung himself was dressed in tight black jeans and a classic looking leather jacket, with even the slightest amount of eyeliner added on for more of a dramatic effect. He seemed to be playing the leader of a motorcycle gang, yet when he smiled back at him, Vernon could only picture him like a kid dressed up in adult clothes that didn’t suit his age at all. Either way, it seemed like the play was just about to begin and he’d have to hurry with this quick little visit or else maybe he’d miss out on snagging a good seat.   
  
Soonyoung paused in his tracks suddenly as they approached a more quiet sounding hallway, one without countless dancers prancing around and set workers testing out the props. “I still have a million things to go over with my other dancers, but if you head straight down this hallway and go to that door on the right, I’m pretty sure Seungkwan is in there. If you’re not sure, listen closely and I’m sure you’ll hear him belting out from somewhere.”   
  
“Thanks for helping on such short notice, Soon. I definitely owe you one.” Vernon bowed his head slightly in thanks, only earning a wider smile from the cheerful male and a quick dismissive shake of the head.   
  
“Nah, I didn’t do anything. Just try to make it quick on this visit. If our professor finds some unauthorized person sneaking around the back here, she’ll probably get all crazy on you and call campus security or something.”   
  
“Yeah, I definitely don’t want that… I’m just planning on dropping these off to him real quick and heading out to get a good seat before the show starts. If I get caught, I won’t let them know that you’re the one who sneaked me in.”   
  
“Good call!” Soonyoung cheered him on with a slightly over enthusiastic thumbs up, probably overly hyped up on all of the pre-show jitters to the point where he was more energetic than usual. “Make sure to take lots of pictures of me out there too! Not just Seungkwan!”   
  
“Will do!” Vernon promised him with a mock salute. “Now go on and warm up your dancers or do whatever dancers need to do before a performance. Should I say break a leg now?”   
  
This caused Soonyoung to laugh to himself amusedly before waving off in the male’s direction before hurrying off to wherever he needed to be right now. Soonyoung’s presence was always so loud and bright that as soon as he was gone and the hallway went silent, Vernon felt himself starting to get kind of uncertain. He had been so insistent on preparing all the gifts and finding his way inside of here that he wasn’t sure if he was even welcome. Maybe he’d walk in on Seungkwan and the other students performing and interrupt their progress, making Seungkwan and his peers angry for disturbing them before their most important first performance. Or maybe their theatre professor would be in the room with them now and he’d get Seungkwan in so much trouble. Now that he thought about it, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to surprise Seungkwan without clearing the idea with him first.   
  
As he made his cautious steps down the hallway, it almost sounded eerily silent with it’s soundproof walls but occasionally if he listened close enough, a voice was able to pass through one of the doors and reverberate outside to where he was. It was too muffled to pick out the identities of who was singing just by listening alone, but he simply decided to trust in Soonyoung’s advice and headed for the last door on the right.   
  
Juggling the bouquet of flowers in the crook of his arm and the tea in his hand, his free hand smoothed across the material of a comfortable navy blue sweater he had borrowed from Joshua to look a little more dressed up for the occasion. It was a little too hot to be wearing this at the end of spring, and the black dress pants he borrowed as well were slightly too small and fit uncomfortably, but he still put in the effort to look professional for Seungkwan’s event. After checking his appearance for any last touches, he slid his free hand into the sweater’s sleeve slightly timidly and ever so softly knocked at the door.   
  
In the timely moment where he was debating if his knock was too quiet to be heard, or if he was simply being ignored, he made a mini mental plan to run straight through the emergency exit and outside the school if the theatre professor happened to answer the door. Eventually he heard the sound of footsteps approaching the door and the handle cracking open, and the nerves of fucking all of this up started to make his heartbeat race.  
  
Someone much taller than himself opened the door, causing Vernon to take a step back in surprise as no one other than Seokmin was a bit startled to see him. “Vernon? What are you doing back here?” He questioned out, blinking rapidly as he took in the sight of what Vernon was currently carrying before a warm smile spread across his lips. “Ah...that must be for Seungkwan, right?”   
  
“Is he here now?” Vernon asked as he tried to peer into the crack of the door behind the male’s taller body and mostly failing to see anything of interest behind his broad shoulders. “I came to bring him some things before the show starts…”   
  
Almost before Seokmin could turn around and beckon for the male of his affections to come to the door, Vernon heard that unmistakable voice ring out from somewhere in the room. At first it was the trilling of some far off note that Seungkwan’s honey-like voice was practicing his impressive vibrato with, then fading into some light melody that flowed from his lips with nothing but ease. His breath hitched in the back of his throat just by hearing it. Ever so like Seungkwan but horribly ruining the awe that affected Vernon from simply hearing the voice alone, the male’s voice called over his shoulder with impatience.  
  
“Seokmin, who’s there? Is Soonyoung being a bother again or is it someone else this time?”   
  
A knowing smile formed on Seokmin’s lips as he motioned with a finger over his lips for Vernon to keep silent as he leaned back against the doorframe. “Oh, it’s someone who definitely wants to disrupt you from your practice…” Amusedly he called over his shoulder, his own growing excitement clearly visible on his features as the widening smile on his lips seemed to reach his eyes as well, turning them into tiny crescent moon shapes of happiness. “You should come over here and take a look for yourself to see who it is.”   
  
The sound of Seungkwan sliding off something in the room, most likely a table he was sitting on and a faint huff leaving his lips made a mix of anxious but ecstatic anticipation rise up in Vernon’s stomach. Almost playful in his actions, Seokmin leaned forward to whisper only to Vernon to hear. “I’ll leave you two alone for awhile and I know you’re excited to see each other but please try to make it quick, we’re on in thirty minutes!” Then with that, he sneakily made his way down the hall and out of sight before Seungkwan was even there to open the door.  
  
Within a few more nerve-wracking seconds, the shorter male that he had been so desperately looking for this whole time finally peeked into the opening crack of the door and let out perhaps the most adorable little gasp Vernon had ever witnessed in his whole life. And a complete wave of relief washed over.   
  
“Hi.” Vernon tried to bite back his growing smile with a bit of shyness as he pulled the bouquet of flowers from behind his back, feeling his heart already starting to beat a little more quickly at what he was about to do. Actions like this weren’t usually something he would have considered before, so all of this was definitely new to him. As he held the flowers out to Seungkwan, he could practically feel his hand starting to tremble slightly. “You may not have the lead part, but you’ll be the only one I can keep my eyes on tonight.”   
  
Seungkwan looked like he was struggling with how to react to this, debating on whether or not he wanted to laugh at this somewhat cheesy statement, or maybe groan at Vernon for even coming up with all of these phrases anyways, and also somewhat he wanted to say “aww” at the image of Vernon standing here with flowers. Instead of choosing between a mix of these reactions, he settled for almost tearing up with happy tears and trying to maneuver himself to run into Vernon’s arms while he was still holding the hot drink.   
  
“I can’t believe you’re actually here backstage and doing this all for me.” Seungkwan had his face pressed into Vernon’s shoulder affectionately, nuzzling into him with his head for a moment since Vernon’s arms were all preoccupied with gifts. “And you even dressed up for me? Talk about the most perfect guy I could ever ask for…Can I actually cry right now at how sweet you are to me?”   
  
“You’ve been working so hard these days so you deserve nothing but the best.” Vernon insisted with a soft smile as he somewhat struggled with craning his head down to press a gentle kiss to the male’s forehead anyways. Now that he could get a closer look at the shorter male, he noticed the way that the stage makeup seemed to make Seungkwan’s already naturally tanned skin seem to glow ever so slightly more, with detailed makeup to his eyes making his dark brown eye color appear even more deeply rich up close with this. Almost fascinated by the sudden change in appearance, he found his eyes traveling over the surface of his skin to get a better look. “Wow… they really went all out on this makeup, huh? You’re really beautiful or….er, I mean handsome?”   
  
As he tipped his head to the side with a sigh in an attempt to correct himself from the awkwardness of actually admitting that outloud and where Seungkwan could clearly hear all of this, Seungkwan just let out a small laugh as he finally accepted the flowers from Vernon’s hold. “I think you did a good job of picking these ones out.” He smiled softly up at Vernon after he had brought them up to his nose to take in their sweet smell. “My favorite colors are tones of white and pastels. I’m surprised you noticed.”   
  
“I try.” Vernon responded back with a grin, raising his hand upwards to scratch at the back of his head to get some of the attention off of himself. It seemed like Seungkwan and himself were just staring back and forth at each other with matching smiles on their face, just happy to share the moment together. It felt like the beginning of his crush all over again, when he’d just look at Seungkwan and then there would be a foolish smile plastered on his face that he just couldn’t shake off. It almost felt like they were two kids in love or something. Just purely happy to see each other like this.   
  
“I got this for you too… it’s an herbal tea.” Vernon interrupted himself from getting too lost from his thoughts by offering this over as well, passing it into Seungkwan’s own hands with care. “I thought maybe if you drink it before the show, your vocal chords will be able to perform stronger or something? I don’t know how it works- Maybe it’s just good for you? Um, I don’t know so just try it I guess…”   
  
Almost unable to stop himself from smiling from all of Vernon’s attention, Seungkwan lightly pursed his lips together more than once as he accepted it from Vernon and took a slow sip of the liquid. Recognizing the flavor, he glanced up at Vernon with a bit of excitement. “Ah, there’s honey in this too, right? Usually I drink some honey tea before my performances but actually I didn’t have time to stop over to the cafe and order one. So maybe you saved me for today!”   
  
Now that Vernon’s hands were free from all his gifts, he reached over and softly ruffled the light blond locks of hair on Seungkwan’s head without ruining too much of his hairstyle. “How about I bring you one tomorrow night too? I heard the Saturday night performance will have the most people attending so you’ll probably be busy preparing again.”   
  
“No, you don’t have to.” Seungkwan looked up at him and simply shook his head back and forth, clearly biting back his smile from growing even more as. Something about the way that Seungkwan couldn’t stop himself from looking at himself with appreciation laced in his gaze like this, and only averting his eyes away when Vernon moved a little bit closer for a second made all of this seem extremely too cute. Who gave Boo Seungkwan the right to be outright adorable like this? Vernon didn’t even know he had such a thing for cute behavior until right about now.   
  
“Well, maybe I will. I don’t exactly have anything to do tomorrow anyways. I’ll come and watch your performance again.” Vernon decided as his hand moved away from Seungkwan’s hair to lightly cup at his cheek instead, watching the way that the slightly shorter male seemed to freeze up for only a split second in surprise before allowing his eyelids to slip shut at the gentle caress on his skin. He seemed much more calmed down about his performance now, and somehow Vernon was proud of him for managing to get over his stress. “I’d better get going soon… I know Joshua went to save me a seat but I don’t want to make my way into the auditorium when all the lights are off and I have to awkwardly climb over other people.”   
  
Seungkwan let out a breathy sigh in response to this, but nodded. “Yeah, I guess you’d better go. I should be on in fifteen. Make sure to take a lot of pictures so I can send them back to my family, okay?” He spoke out to Vernon, and despite the fact that most likely should make a move to part and go off in their own respective directions, neither of them made the move to leave first. They were still standing there with Vernon’s hand cupping Seungkwan’s cheek.   
  
Out from somewhere behind them, a voice that could be recognized as no one other than Soonyoung called out. “Go and kiss him already!”   
  
“Yeah, we don’t have time for this!” Seokmin yelled as well, and as the romantic pair turned their heads sideways they could see the troublemakers sneakily peeking at them from down the hall. Immediately Vernon gulped and slipped his hand off of Seungkwan’s cheek. Then Seungkwan passed his flowers back to Vernon to gently keep hold of as he ran off and went to teach them a lesson of not snooping on their friends while they were dating. He might have drop kicked one of them as well.   
  
. . . . .   
  
Vernon had kept his promise yesterday of leaving a small flower bouquet in Seungkwan’s dressing room as well as another kind of tea. This time he settled for some light pink flowers in exchange for the blue, but they were still pastel nonetheless. During the finale performance on Sunday night, he decided to only leave the tea and some chocolates instead, then keep the flowers with him this time. The final needed a more worthy kind of gift so he was currently trying to stuff a bouquet of variously colored roses under the tiny auditorium chair while a whole line of his friends watched him struggle.   
  
“Why are you hiding it? We already saw you walk in with it.” Jihoon, who was seated next to him had an incredibly amused look on his face from seeing all of the effort he underwent with trying to conceal the flowers, even to the point of taking off his sweater and throwing it on top of them.   
  
Somehow through Jihoon’s special advantages of being related to the university's president, they had managed to get seats in the front row of the auditorium for the first time during the musical’s production on the final night. That meant if their performing friends could see them sitting in the front seats, they’d probably find this all quite amusing to see Vernon sitting there with a giant ass bouquet in his hands. He could imagine Soonyoung and Seokmin snickering at him already. So much for professionalism.   
  
“I’m hiding them from Seungkwan,” He clarified with a huff as he finally took his own seat down next to Jeonghan, who currently had somehow managed to wrangle Chan into coming to the play too. “How would it be a surprise if he can see them in my hands the whole time?”  
  
“Stop giving him a hard time, Jihoon.” Jeonghan rolled his eyes as he leaned over Vernon’s lap to speak with him. “I think it’s a nice gesture that he brought a gift for Seungkwan and wants to surprise him with it. Chan and I even brought some flowers too and you’re the only one with nothing.”   
  
Mingyu and Wonwoo who were seated on the other side of Chan and down quite further away from the rest of them all watched this with a snicker, holding up their own mini bouquets that they prepared for Soonyoung, Seokmin and Seungkwan as well and waving them around in the air mockingly.   
  
“What can I say? It’s simply not my style.” Jihoon replied with a careless shrug.   
  
Jeonghan raised an unbelieving eyebrow at him. “Are you admitting to me that you don’t have the proper manners to bring your friends a gift after they worked their asses off for months to prepare this show, and you still don’t congratulate them at the finale?”   
  
“I can congratulate them in person, not with some gift that’s going to wilt by the time next week rolls around!” Jihoon rolled his eyes to himself with yet another shrug before sinking back down into his seat without another word.   
  
Mingyu cupped his hands over his mouth to holler. “Jihoon never bought flowers for anyone in his whole life so he’s being a little bitch about it! What a scaredy cat!” Which only caused the shortest male to sink further down in his seat and out of view of whoever else around them was watching.   
“I don’t see why I have to bring flowers either.” Chan mumbled out as his fingers twirled around with Jeonghan’s bouquet with a not so dainty touch. “I don’t even know these guys…”   
  
“You met them before at the party!” Mingyu insisted. “Soonyoung was the one who was trying to get you up to dance with him because you were sitting on the floor and looking like you were miserable to be there.”   
  
Jeonghan turned to Vernon with a bit of interest as Mingyu brought this up, placing his hand on his knee to get his attention. “Oh, that reminds me. Next semester, you and Seungkwan are going to be entering your second year, right?”   
  
“Well, Seungkwan is. I’ll be just starting my second semester since I transferred in a little late.”   
  
“Chan sent in an application to our university. He’ll graduate from high school in just a couple of weeks and maybe end up coming here when the summer break is over.” Jeonghan informed him with a hint of excitement in his voice, speaking like he was incredibly proud of their younger friend for deciding to attend the same school before something else popped up in the back of his mind. “But you know, I have to graduate from university in a couple weeks as well. This is the end of my final semester. Seungcheol and I will graduate, same with Joshua too.”   
  
Now that his elder had brought all of this information back up from where he had pushed it to the back of his mind, everything seemed to be happening so fast. He was just getting started with his life here in Korea, and therefore never had to worry about leaving anytime soon. But something about his favorite elders graduating and moving on with their lives seemed kind of bittersweet. They had just got so close with each other and it was already like they were going to walk up out of his life.   
  
Almost picking up on what Jeonghan was implying by bringing all of this up in the first place caused Vernon to smile supportively in his direction, gently patting the hand that had rested on his thigh. “Well, I’ll be here for quite a while longer and so will a bunch of our friends. I’m sure we’ll be able to help Chan settle in here without any problems.”   
  
He could almost see the relief wash over Jeonghan’s expression and the tense way he held his shoulders relax quite a bit as the smile was returned back to him. “I know you guys are going to take good care of him. I just worry that he might be a little slow opening up himself to other people. I mean…” He leaned closer, speaking under his breath. “He’s still not too into Mingyu... yet. Wonwoo is fine, but he keeps slipping him cigarettes. And Seungcheol won’t be there. I just thought since you and Seungkwan are close to him in age, maybe you guys would be a good match for him.”   
  
“Seokmin and Soonyoung are pretty good influences as well. I’m sure they’ll adopt him into their little group in no time.” Vernon assured him with a nod before a thought crossed his mind, making him pause for quite a moment. “But Jeonghan-hyung, what is your plan for after graduation?”   
  
This caused Jeonghan to blink to himself for a second, head tipping to the side in thought as he attempted to gather his words. “You know, I can give you an answer like every other music major in this school and say I’m just going to follow where the music takes me. But that’s bullshit, huh?” He admitted with a small laugh, finding it to be kind of funny. “In all honestly, I don’t even know. Now I have enough things to work on in my own personal life before I worry about moving on somewhere else.”   
  
Vernon pursed his lips, not wanting to intrude or say something insensitive but he figured they were close enough to say whatever they wanted to each other. “You haven’t talked to either of them yet?”   
  
“If it’s about what’s important, then no.” Jeonghan admitted with a soft chuckle, glancing down with his eyes on the floor.. “I’m roommates with Seungcheol but neither of us have even brought up the obvious. We’ve only been talking about the weather or what we’re going to eat for dinner. I don’t know why we never really talked about it yet. As for Joshua, we’ve been messaging a little but only about casual things as well. There’s a lot of trust to win back. Maybe between all three of us.”   
  
“It will work out.” Vernon suddenly confessed, not sure where he was coming up with such confidence in that reality. “During times of graduation, all of the old secrets seem to come out and everything starts anew.”   
  
These words brought a more sincere smile to Jeonghan’s face but also caused him to roll his eyes around with amusement as he leaned back against his chair and started to settle in for the show that was just about to start. “That sounds like you read that out of some motivational greeting card. It’s horrible, but it’s kind of cute. I like it.”   
  
As the auditorium lights flicked off and Mingyu screamed from the surprise, they all stopped their side conversations for the time being and got ready for the show. They could save all of their excitement about their friend’s performances until after it finished and they all head out for the huge cast party. It was bound to be wild and most likely the restaurant would be a mess. Vernon had heard countless stories about how insane theatre kids could get after performance week.   
  
And even though Vernon knew that Seungkwan didn’t enter the play until approximately eight minutes into the production, he was left waiting at the edge of his seat the whole time until he finally appeared. This was the last time, after all. Although he could probably ask his roommate to sing him a song anytime, he would have to wait all the way through summer break and even to the end of the winter semester to catch Seungkwan in his musicals again. And this week had completely captivated him with witnessing Seungkwan’s raw talent on stage.  
  
Every note seemed so easy for him, like it could just magically flow out of his body yet appear to come so naturally at the same time. Sometimes he even caught himself holding his own breath when he got a particularly long part to sing, almost staring on in awe as he hit all of his notes without a single mistake. Well, not one Vernon could pick up on at least. And then when Seungkwan spit out some witty one-liner during one of his comedic moments, Vernon felt a particular pride when the audience would laugh at the joke and seem to be loving it. Seungkwan was so talented and so promising to be an actual singer someday that Vernon knew he was only destined for the best of things. Whether his dreams would grow too big for their tiny university to handle was certainly only a matter of time.   
  
  
  
  



	19. deciding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the theatre cast members attend a final dinner party, vernon and some of his friends tag along, and some important words are shared that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone, thanks for joining me here for another chapter! 
> 
> i feel like literally i have nothing to say other than the fact that i really appreciate all of the nice comments that you leave here, and it really makes me so happy to see all the love for the story. I would say about now, we're about 80% done with completing the story. I already have so many ideas about other future projects so I'm sure you won't even have time to miss me (hehe) 
> 
> seungkwan is my favorite boy in the whole world maybe so if you wanna talk about seungkwan with me, find me @ citruseungkwan at tumblr.

Vernon had accompanied Seungkwan to a few of his theatre cast parties in the past. Despite getting to know the names of a few of the students that regularly practiced alongside Seungkwan, or even Soonyoung and Seokmin, he was generally left feeling like an outsider when it came to actually hanging out with them. There were too many inside jokes about various musicals he had no idea even existed, or the gentle teasing of members about past stage mistakes that he wasn’t even there to witness. Although he didn’t exactly belong within Seungkwan’s immediate circle of friends, that didn’t mean he’d be difficult and refuse to come along sometimes though. Even if he was an outsider here, he’d still show up to support Seungkwan and his friends as much as they wanted him to be there. 

 

It turned out that this time was going to be different. Vernon was actually pretty lucky. It seemed like for the theatre arts students, the more people they could end up dragging to late night barbeque then all the better. Those were just more people they could drag into their dramatic chaos. Somehow it ended up with Mingyu also wanting to be invited, which gave Wonwoo an instant invite as well since they were roommates and would stick together until one of them wanted to head home for the night. Then Seungkwan so excitedly started insisting for Jeonghan to come as well, which meant Chan was also going to tag along because they wouldn’t make just him go all the way back home by himself either. Jihoon took a little more persuading to join in, but somehow Seungkwan had quite a way with him as well. Maybe people just had a hard time saying no to a face like his. Vernon was in that collective group as well. 

 

So then their whole group of friends, along with the entire cast and crew of the theatre department set out for the night. They piled their way into one of the closest barbeque places conveniently closely located to their university and practically took over. Being one of those late night type places, the business didn’t care too much for all of the students taking up most of the tables since most of the neighborhood crowd had returned back to their own homes for the evening anyways. Besides, generally only rowdy college students decided to go out for meat at nearly midnight. 

 

Having some of his own friends attend the final cast dinner was definitely a relief for Vernon’s sake. He could still have fun spending his time with people that actually didn’t seem to get theatre kid lingo either, or know what was exactly so interesting about Wicked and Les Miserables. 

 

Mingyu was currently working on chewing down a perfectly marinated piece of meat, the kind that made his mouth practically water and eyes scrunch up in happiness. “If the drama club gets to eat like this for free after every production, I might have to consider joining. For real.” 

 

“It’s not free.” Jihoon clarified for him with a mumble that was caused by Jeonghan pushing a lettuce wrap into his mouth. “It’s all covered by alumni donations- and it’s not a drama club either. You have to declare an actual theatre arts major to put on productions in the school. This isn’t some cheap high school musical.” 

 

“Way to burst a bubble!” Mingyu responded back, nearly to the point of spitting as he yelled out. “Even if I got a sudden burst of inspiration to try acting, there’s no way I could change my major on such a short notice. By the way- I love that movie.” 

 

Hearing all of this brought an amused smile to Wonwoo’s lips, only slightly letting the corners of his lips quirk up as he picked at his own plate. “I think Mingyu would be a great actor. He’s got a lot of emotions to work with and he’s never restrained himself from showing them off.” 

 

“Yeah, but the real actor should be Jeonghan-hyung!” Chan insisted as he pointed his chopsticks in the male’s direction with emphasis. “His mind works too fast, always thinking up these little scenarios about how to get what he wants out of other people or situations. If I didn’t know him any better than I already do, I’d probably label him as a sociopath.” 

 

This brought a slightly impressed grin to Jeonghan’s face as he started to think about the meaning behind his words. “But here’s where you’re wrong- I can manipulate situations to get what I want, but it’s only when it has everyone’s best interest in mind. I am never spiteful on purpose and always act with a sense of justice. Therefore, I think that ranks my abilities somewhere on the level of genius.” 

 

Chan shook his head with a soft lauge before lightheartedly teasing him. “Is that how you manipulated that poor church boy from university to fall in love with you? Did he fall victim to your genius too?” 

 

Jeonghan just rolled his eyes dismissively at this but found himself laughing along with him anyways, able to talk about this more openly now that Joshua and himself were taking the steps towards getting back on the basis of friends again. “You know that’s not what happened. It was all mutual attraction from the beginning, no scheming of any type involved there.” 

 

“But Mingyu-hyung said you kissed him on the first day you met so....how does that even work out into playing fair?” 

 

“I literally just said everything was mutual.” Jeonghan chuckled out with the shake of his head. “He was handsome, and I liked his voice and his eyes and that little stupid accent so we just went from there.” 

 

This caused Mingyu to elbow his hyung in the side with an entertained look on his face, clearly going to continue on with the gentle teasing. “Hey, even if you did do some sort of seducing on Joshua’s part, doesn’t it all seem like he’s too much of an easy target? I mean- the school’s most notorious playboy ends up with perhaps the most gentle and soft spoken foreigner who’s just asking to be singled out based on his foreignness alone. Honestly, I thought you’d go for more of a challenge when it came to actually settling down.” 

 

“Oh, please.” Jeonghan let out a melodramatic sigh as he focused his attention back on flipping the pieces of meat over on the grill. “I don’t have a foreigner complex like some of you do. If I was really dying to end up under an American guy, wouldn’t you think I would’ve went after Vernon instead? He’d be the most exotic option on campus.” 

 

Vernon’s nose crinkled up a bit in displeasure of hearing this comment, but he continued munching on his beef anyways. “Can we make a note to never calling me exotic again? It makes me feel like some sort of animal you’re on the hunt for or something-” 

 

“He’s more like a Korean than Jisoo is anyways.” Mingyu commented with a small laugh. “Jisoo can pass for a true national Korean on the streets but once he opens his mouth to speak, then the real truth comes out. It’s kind of interesting how Vernon speaks more fluently but they’ve both lived in the states for years.” 

 

“Is that a compliment or what?” Vernon barely mumbled under his breath, earning a sympathetic pat on the shoulder from Jihoon.

 

“Anyways, I’m still not exactly sure how you do it.” Mingyu had focused his attention back to Jeonghan again, leaning forward slightly in his seat with intrigue. “Over the past semester, you’ve not only dated a large amount of female students in the school, and some male students secretly too I’m sure- then actually earned money for it! Not only money, but  _ enough  _ money to cover rent without even getting a part-time job in the past four years.Then you’ve even managed to make two of the best guys I’ve ever met in my whole life fall in love with you as well? Are you some sort of reincarnated Greek god with mystical attraction powers or what? Hell, maybe even Wonwoo and I will end up falling for you eventually too!” 

 

“Well, Jeonghan is rather aesthetically pleasing.” Wonwoo reasoned out, tapping his chopsticks against his plate rhythmically. “I’ve actually thought about this a few times before. Rather than just focusing on attractive looks alone, there’s something just too good about running off with a bad boy. Especially one that provides the illusion of being a troublemaker, but with enough terms and conditions of the paid date agreement to make the scenario considerably more safe for the object of his affection. If you add in his entertaining personality and quick wit next, then you’ve got the perfect image of a dreamy schoolboy crush right there.” 

 

Mingyu found himself gaping with an open mouth at this, seemingly to connect all the pieces together as he just started nodding eagerly in response. Chan looked up at him under one raised eyebrow like he was simply spouting pure nonsense. And Jeonghan seemed to be somewhat touched at all of his interpreting. “You’ve really considered all of this about me that much?” He asked out, holding his hand over his heart for mock emphasis. “I’ve never felt someone be so interested in me before in my whole life.” 

 

“But hold on, let’s take it back a little bit.” Chan spoke up to change the topic. “Someone said there were  _ two _ guys in love with Jeonghan. Last time I remember, there was only church boy and whichever countless randoms at the school are still trying to throw themselves at him.” 

 

“Oh, that’s right! You weren’t at the club that time so you didn’t hear.” Like it was the easiest thing in the world, Mingyu started to confess the information out to remind everyone all over again, with nothing but complete innocence as he recalled the events. He was clearly only too pure for his own good to know that maybe this was some business that was better kept swept under the rug and left to be forgotten about.. “But anyways, last time we were all out together Seungcheol-hyung stood up all dramatically and tried to win Jeonghan over with a sudden confession of love!” 

 

Wonwoo’s head tipped to the side in scrutiny. “I think you’re remembering the details a little bit wrong. They were sitting down and before Jeonghan went to talk to Joshua he practically pulled him down on his lap to control him” 

 

Before it was too late to put all of this to a stop or take back the words, Vernon could physically see the way Chan stopped chewing his food and grit his jaw together instead. Then his eyes widened and he glanced over at Jeonghan with a look that held a meaning Vernon couldn’t exactly understand. “Is that….is that true? That hyung really…. he really did that?” 

 

Jeonghan raised a hand to his temple for a moment, trying to collect himself for a second as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s not exactly something that I’m too happy to confess to the whole god damn table, but yeah.” Jeonghan admitted honestly with a slight shrug to his shoulders. “I guess it doesn’t matter since nearly everyone in our group was there when it happened. Except you. Because you’re underaged and can’t go to the club anyways.” 

 

“Well…. Shit.” Chan had pursed his lips together in thought for a moment, rubbing them together a bit uncertainly as his mind worked to process all of this new information and get on same page with the others. Before he could decide to say anything else, he just kept silent and with the shake of his head he distracted himself by continuing to pick at his food. “That’s fucking...a lot to hear...” 

 

Wonwoo’s eyes scanned over everyone in their group, judging at their reactions to who was going to speak up first. “I guess we’re not going to talk about any of this, huh?” 

 

Jihoon’s eyes flickered up suddenly. “Don’t talk on behalf of Seungcheol when he’s not here to defend himself. I don’t like that type of thing.” 

 

“Come on, guys. Let’s just forget about it.” Vernon cleared his throat, finding the awkwardness of the topic starting to ruin the joyful atmosphere that had settled in before. “There’s nothing to talk about. It’s none of our business anyways. Just leave it between the two of them to figure out themselves.” 

Almost a bit dazedly, Chan blinked to himself as the information was still probably coming together in his head. Vernon sympathized with him for a little bit. Sure, they were closest in age with each other but Chan always seemed to get along so much more with the older males in their group. He depended on them because they were his best friends, even despite their age gap of four years. But yet because of their differences in age, there were just bound to be things that he was left out of for the purpose of protecting him from being involved. If one of his best friends ended up falling in love with the other, certainly he’d find himself getting stuck in the middle of things regardlessly. 

 

“I really can’t believe it…” He worded out softly, almost like he was reasoning things out with himself. “I never would have guessed that hyung would have feelings for you… especially not as deep as being in love.” 

 

Jeonghan just let out a breathy sigh before pursing his lips together, arms crossing over his chest as he put his own chopsticks down a for a moment. “I certainly didn’t expect that from him and I’m sure you guys didn’t either, but you all know how important Seungcheol is to me. If he didn’t take me in during freshman year, I’d probably be a completely different person than I right now, and that thought alone makes me worry how unhappy I could have been without him now… But even though he is the most important person in my life, does that mean I should hold off on my own happiness by dating him in order to make sure he’s happy instead of me? There’s an overwhelming feeling that I’m indebted to him.” 

 

Mingyu nodded along with him in earnesty, a soft yet somewhat bittersweet look on his face as things were starting to get serious again. “I can’t say anything about Seungcheol, but I think we’ve all sort of assumed which choice you were going to make. I mean, hasn’t it always been leaning towards Joshua this whole time? We can see how excited you get around him, how your eyes practically light up as he walks in the room. Hell, you’re nearly captivated by him already.” 

 

“But, doesn’t Seungcheol provide you with a sense of happiness as well?” Wonwoo contemplated, his eyes deeply scrutinizing Jeonghan’s expression. “You guys were each other’s rock and best friends for the last four years. And I’m sure those years sometimes consisted of walking over a pretty debatable line between friends with benefits too. If it’s been so good forall these years, wouldn’t that assure that you’d have a happy future together as well?”

 

Although it wasn’t his business at all, Vernon felt his lips open up to add something to the conversation. “Maybe that’s the truth… but maybe it’s not.” He said in a moment of reflection, the thoughts in his mind leading back to the past image of himself as he was just a graduating high schooler, the memories stirring up something deep in his heart. “Seungcheol’s like his safety net. He’s always going to be the place to run back to and escape from things when they get too hard, or when you simply don’t want to try anymore. But could you really live like that forever? Always taking the safe way out? Refusing to take that one chance even though it could change everything for you? Then even after graduation you’re going to stay as Seungcheol’s roommate, and eventually turn into something more but still depending on him the same way you already have been. Always waiting for him to protect you all the time instead of fighting for yourself and figuring out what you really want. Are you sure you could live with that and just watch as Joshua leaves for America?” 

 

No one had been expecting for Vernon to speak up like this. It wasn’t in his character to insert himself into other people’s personal problems and push his opinions out so strongly like this. Yet in this case, he just couldn’t help it. All he could think of was himself in the same position. He was stuck just like this before. When he was a fresh graduate of high school, living in the safe familiarity of his small neighborhood, settling for average friends that didn’t even give a damn about him simply because it was the easiest option out there. It was safe. There was no way he could even fail if he wasn’t trying in the first place. He could have spent the rest of his life in a pointless retail job and only find excitement out of playing video games in his bedroom for the rest of his life. But he didn’t. He took that chance.

 

He came all the way to a foreign country to start his whole life over from scratch and it had been one of the best decisions of his whole life. It was scary and everything was new and nerve wracking but oh so rewarding at the same time. He found friends who loved him, a new passion of music to pursue, and even met someone that he was almost certain that he was in the process of falling in love with already. All of this happened for the first time in his whole life. Just because he took that one chance. 

 

All of his friends were rather silent, letting the meaning of his words sink into the deepest possible point that they could hit. Vernon was so sincere that perhaps they were all shaken off guard, to where even the outspoken Mingyu was left completely silent and contemplative as he kept his eyes on his lap. It was so personal that Vernon himself didn’t even know what got into him. All he remembered was his passions getting the best of him and making his heart spill out of his chest.

 

Yet when he gathered the courage to look up into Jeonghan’s eyes, without any reservations or second doubts whatsoever, he knew he had gotten this message through to him. Something in Jeonghan’s eyes flickered as it seemed like Vernon’s emotions had taken over him as well, a newfound sense of determination seemed to glimmer back at him. The eldest male gradually smiled to himself as he started to get up from his seat. “Well, I think I have something that I have to do tonight…” 

 

Mingyu’s grin was nearly infectious as he realized what was going on, his smile being one of the happines ones that Vernon’s ever seen from him in all of these months of getting to know him. “You’re going? Right now?” 

 

“I know he’s stuck home alone on a weekend night.” Jeonghan admitted with a breathy laugh that came to him with more ease now, like the weight was already easing off his shoulders from the decision alone. “I’m sure he won’t mind if I pay him a surprise visit.” 

 

Jihoon glanced up at him with a bit of apprehension. “You’re going to Joshua’s place now? To make things right?” 

 

Jeonghan nodded firmly a few times, feeling completely resolute in doing this. “Yeah, I am. I’ll let you know what happens later. But hey, because I’m heading off to campus now, do you guys mind making sure that Chan gets home safe?” He asked in Mingyu and Wonwoo’s direction. “I know we all live in the same apartment complex but just walk him to his door at least.” 

 

Chan’s eyes just rolled around in a moment of stubbornness, but found himself slowly starting to be unable to bite back the gentle smile that was forming on his cheeks as well. “I’ll be fine, hyung. Just go and worry about your own business and get it over with already.” 

 

“Will do, cutie.” Jeonghan assured him with a sudden kiss of affection to the temple, at which Chan visibly squirmed around at and tried to wipe away with the back of his hand. Mingyu just cackled at him while Wonwoo passed him a mini travel size of hand sanitizer. Vernon himself couldn't help but to let out a hearty laugh as he watched the male make his way over to Seungkwan’s table of friends to give him a big wet forehead kiss as well before running his way out of the barbecue place and into the night. 

 

Seungkwan caught Vernon’s gaze that had been staring in his direction, tipping his head to the side in slight confusion as if he was asking him for an answer but still smiling happily to himself from the amusing action anyways. Vernon only shrugged in response, this action meaning that he’d just end up telling him about all of the details later on tonight. That was pretty much all they could convey to each other while they were still across the room and out of speaking distance.

 

For an extended moment, he really didn’t know what else to do other than stare at Seungkwan with a stupid grin on his face while all of the countless other people in the room had no idea of this. He even managed to slip a tiny wink into their subtle flirting session which caused Seungkwan to quickly avert his eyes back down at his lap. Maybe he was even blushing at this. Vernon would have to practice his winking at this boy more some other time. 

 

Chan had turned his attention back to the last few pieces of meat that finished cooking on the grill, hurriedly trying to grab a few more pieces before the older guys snatched them up. “That was… a lot to deal with.” He said with his mouth full, shaking his head from side to side. “I’m mildly exhausted now just from witnessing it. You think we can head out soon?” 

 

“Yeah, I think they’re not gonna order any more meat so we better go home now.” Mingyu decided as well before something popped up in his mind, a slow smile sliding over his features. “Hey, do you think it’s a good omen if Jeonghan ends up back home later tonight? Or you think it means they were more successful if he  _ doesn’t  _ come home?” 

 

The slightly devious grin growing on Mingyu’s face was wild with implications, to the point where when he even started waggling his eyebrows around. Chan had to reach across the table and flick him in the forehead. He was clearly not finding this as fun or interesting as his elder was.

 

“Do you guys ever think about calming down for only one solid day?” Chan questioned out. “I swear to god, I’m in a constant state of questioning why I continue hanging out with this group and the only answer I can come up with is for Jeonghan. He’d be so lost without me.” 

 

“I got an idea!” Mingyu suddenly gasped. “What if instead of making the object for Jeonghan’s affections be between only Seungcheol and Joshua, you can make an appeal instead! You know, throw a whole new love confession into the mix of things and provide a third option!”

 

Wonwoo deadpanned. “That seems like an absolutely horrible idea.”

 

“I’m pretty sure he just…” Vernon glanced over his shoulder. Just to make sure. “...he ran to Joshua’s house already. The decision has kind of already been made.” 

 

“Come  _ on _ ,” The tallest male of their group insisted, rolling his eyes around playfully as he leaned closer to Chan. “You’re telling me that you’ve never had feelings for Jeonghan this whole time? You guys have known each other for about four years too, right? A lot of people get crushes on people who are their senior. Not to mention, you guys are so close. Doesn’t the whole fact that he’s older than you make the concept of a first love with him so much more exciting?”

 

As Mingyu was grilling him with all of the questions and seemingly getting more and more enthralled in the developing relationship between the two in his mind, all Chan could really do is sit there in slight dumbfoundedness in these claims. He brought his hand to rest against his temple, shaking his head back and forth slowly. “I’m not even going to answer any of those.” 

 

“I don’t even blame you.” The previously silent Jihoon had finally spoken up again, most likely since he was done with his food and focused his attention back to the conversation again. “It sounds like he’s living out his own past fantasies as a high school student, wondering if dating with a college girl would make his reputation better somehow.”

 

“Oh, shut up.” Mingyu insisted, finding himself getting caught. “I’m sure all of you were the same way. Daydreaming in class about running off with a older college girl on the weekends and going on cute dates and shit like that. Things like going to Han River at night with her other college friends and having them say you’re so cute and pinching your cheeks, but then maybe they’d slip you a beer and treat you like an adult at the same time. Man, that’s  _ all _ I wanted in high school. You know, just to grow up so quickly.” 

 

Jihoon just stared at him and blinked slowly. “I’m just about to say that you’ve completely lost it.” 

 

“And you’ve never even dated!” Mingyu interjected passionately. “Did you even touch a girl before?” 

 

Wonwoo let out a soft laugh at this but leans forward to ruffle the locks of Mingyu’s hair gently, perhaps in an attempt to calm him down. “Boys could be an option too, Mingyu. We don’t judge here. Or he doesn’t have to date anyone. Or even like anyone for that matter.” 

 

Jihoon let out a grumble of something unintelligible under his breath as his cheeks flushed a bright red. Vernon assumed it was something not so great and most likely a string of curses but he couldn’t be too sure. Sometimes muffled Korean sounds were still hard for him to pick up on. 

 

Having most of the attention diverted away from him made Chan seem a bit more relieved. A light sigh left his lips as he moved to sling his jacket over his shoulders instead of it’s current place of resting against the chair. “Well, I have just about three weeks left until graduating and even though I would have all of the freedom in the world to date Jeonghan, I don’t think we will ever see that as a reality. Age isn’t necessarily the issue here. But… Jeonghan is Jeonghan. I don’t think of him like that.”  

 

“Yeah, I was only playing around anyways.” Mingyu finally seemed to give up with all of this playing, getting up from his own place to let his arms wrap around Chan’s shoulders for a big bear hug. “You know how I like to get you fired up sometimes. You’re too serious for your own good sometimes, kid. But hey, at least I seemed to get someone else to get all hot and blushy at my implications so at least I accomplished something.” 

 

The two of them turned to a still slightly shaken up Jihoon, who was still quite red in the face as he tried to cool himself down while playing on his phone. In unison, Mingyu and Chan both seemed to find this quite funny as they turned to each other and laughed wildly. 

 

“I guess we’re all going to head out now, huh?” Wonwoo asked after looking around the rest of the room, noticing that a lot of the other students were starting to say their goodbyes to head in separate directions for the night. “We’re heading back to the subway station instead of campus so we’ll have to hurry before the last train of the night.” 

 

“I’m coming too.” Jihoon notified them as he stood up from his own seat and shoved his phone into his pocket. “I think I should check up on Seungcheol. After all, you guys left him alone on a weekend night too.” 

 

Mingyu’s face lit up as he heard this. “You’re going to stay the night, Jihoon? Really?” 

 

“I didn’t say that.” 

 

“I’m sure Seungcheol would be fine with it. It’s not like Jeonghan will be using his own bed tonight, and all of us are surely fine with you staying over!” 

“I really don’t know about this…” 

 

“Keep the offer in mind, okay?” 

 

Jihoon nodded wordlessly in response. Within one second, Mingyu was already pulling himself away from Chan and latching onto the other short male instead. Perhaps because he was the freakishly tall one out of their group, he eventually started favoriting the more short ones to grab onto. Although Jihoon had a rather blank expression on his face, he allowed himself to be rocked back and forth in the taller male’s strong arms. 

 

Vernon watched all of this with an slightly more relieved feeling than he had previously been feeling for the last few weeks. All of the intertwining relationships in their friend group that had previously gotten tangled up in convoluted patterns were slowly starting to fall back into their original places. All of the tensions that had been rising for the past few months were almost nearly resolved. With the impending graduation ceremonies coming closer for many of his friends, it seemed like just about everything was settling down and life was ready to move forward with. All of these troubles were going to become the past. Everything was going to be okay again. 

 

Feeling slightly lost in realizing all of this in his subconscious for the first time, he hadn’t even noticed that he was spacing out until he felt someone slip their hand in his own. It felt so warm and familiar that it certainly could never be anyone other than Seungkwan. When he turned his head to the side, he caught the male smiling ever so coyly while trying to tug on his hand to get his attention. Just the sight alone brought a gentle smile to Vernon’s lips as he gave the hand a small squeeze. 

 

“You ready to go home now?” Seungkwan blinked up at him in expectation for an answer but Vernon could only glance down at their intertwined hands swinging between their bodies. “Some of the other guys are going to move on to karaoke but I don’t really want to damage my voice anymore by singing more than I already have this week… um, what are you doing?” 

 

Seungkwan had finally noticed his behavior, glancing up and down quickly between their locked fingers and back up at Vernon’s rather goofy grin. He raised a single eyebrow up in questioning. Vernon just gave their hands another tight squeeze together before starting to walk out of the restaurant with the male tugged close by his side.  

 

“I didn’t know we were going to do something like this…” Vernon started out, motioning towards their hands again as they made the way back to campus. “In front of all of your friends and school peers… It’s kind of unexpected.” 

 

Almost dreadfully, Seungkwan paused in the middle of his walking and held their hands up. “Please don’t tell me that you don’t like it because I don’t think I can keep my hands off you at this point.” 

 

“You’re ridiculous, Seungkwan. That’s certainly not what I’m getting at.” He insisted with the quick shake of his head back and forth before taking a good look at the back of the male’s tanned skin under the dimly lit street light, letting his thumb trail over it with nothing but complete fascination. “We’re just….really doing this in public. Not only in front of strangers but also people that we actually care about too, people who’s opinions about us clearly matter but we’re doing this anyways. It just… feels good and I can’t really believe it.” 

 

Seungkwan smiled down at his gentle touch to his skin as he watched him for a moment, only choosing to respond with a tight squeeze of affection once Vernon was done touching him like this. “You almost scared me for a second… like you didn’t like it or something.” He admitted with a slight laugh, finding it kind of funny how it was the exact opposite of what he expected. “But for me, I don’t mind if we do things in public like this. The small things only of course. I can’t say that I’ll be able to kiss you in the middle of the street simply on the basis that this is Korea, but I’ll be satisfied with even the most simple things we can do.” 

 

Something about Seungkwan’s words had assured him, yet at the same time brought somewhat of a melancholic feeling on as well. They often got lost in their own little world like this. They would forget that not everyone in the whole world would be accepting of the kind of bond they shared. They could only be us against the world in only the most private of spaces sometimes. 

 

But still, even though it was risky, Vernon acted as fast as possible to bring their intertwined hands up to his lips. He placed only the faintest of kisses against the back of Seungkwan’s hand with the littlest amount of courage he could muster. Then he took off running with the male in tow, leaving him to be forcefully pulled in the direction of the dorms in his moment of shock and fluster. 

 

“Hansol? What are you-”

 

Vernon himself was beet red in the face as he kept on speed walking ahead, refusing to look back at the male to save himself from embarrassment. “Don’t you say a word. I just felt like it.” 

 

“But why are we running?” 

 

“...Because…...I felt like it.” 

  
  


. . . . . 

  
  


By the time they had made their way into the university’s dorms, through the overly long elevator journey up to their floor and then finally into their own shared room, Vernon had probably stopped overreacting in his mind. He didn’t know what exactly got over him on the street. To go and kiss the back of Seungkwan’s hand like some cheesy romcom movie? He might as well gotten on one knee in the middle of town and do the whole fucking thing all over again. He honestly didn’t know he could do something so embarrassing in public. 

 

Honestly, he was starting to like Seungkwan too much. Maybe he was actually going crazy. 

 

By the time he had carelessly kicked his shoes off into a random direction, Seungkwan immediately moved to stack them into a nice little pile along with his own by the doorway. Before Vernon could even make it across half of the tiny room to collapse into bed, Seungkwan had already grabbed him from behind and trapped him within his arms. 

 

“Hey…” He started out slowly, pressing his cheek to rest against Vernon’s back and allowing it to squish against him. “Can I say that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me?” 

 

“Now why would you say that?” Vernon felt the corners of his mouth lifting upwards at simply hearing this. Although it was very nice to hear this type of thing, it was getting too late and his eyelids were starting to droop from exhaustion. “Would you maybe mind telling me after I change out of these stuffy clothes and retreat back to sweats? I hate wearing button up shirts. They make my collar all itchy.” 

 

“I can help with that.” Seungkwan said like it was the most easy thing in the world. As he stepped around his body to face him from the front, Vernon glanced down at him with uncertainty of his actions. He undid the first button, then another more to give him enough access to the exposed collar before starting to massage the area with skilled hands. Vernon immediately found all of the tenseness leaving his body. His neck was no longer stiff due to Joshua’s y-shirt that was horribly too tight to call comfortable. 

 

“How are you so good at this?” He nearly found himself drifting off to sleep already despite currently standing up, nothing but complete relaxing taking over. “Is it some secret Jeju technique? Hell, why are you even massaging me? You’re the one that’s been working your ass off all week.” 

 

This only brought a tiny laugh to Seungkwan’s lips, pushing the nice comments to the back of his mind as he continued on with complete concentration. “Can I continue from where I left off first? I was saying that you’re most likely the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

 

“I’m touched but honestly, I would say the same about you.” He admitted honestly as his arms moved to settle around Seungkwan’s frame, almost leaning on him completely now because the little ministrations to the crook of his neck just felt that good. 

 

“I can’t even believe I found you, Hansol.” His voice trailed off into a place that was so sincere that it made his own eyes peek open to examine the male’s expression. “This week you’ve done so much for me in addition to all of the times you’ve always been by my side since the start. Without even asking, you’ve been there for me at all hours during my shows, even to the point of dressing up so handsomely like this for me, and bringing me all those flowers.” A single hand ran down the front of Hansol’s button up shirt as Seungkwan glanced over to the huge amount of flowers positioned all over his desk with a soft smile before looking back up at Vernon. “I mean, how can I ever thank you enough for doing all of this for me? Not just this week but for everything you’ve done for me?” 

 

Vernon became ever so aware of the warm palm that rested against his chest, almost to the point where it felt like it would burn an imprint against his skin and stay there forever. It heated up his whole body to know that Seungkwan was practically feeling his heart beating under that hand as they shared at each other like this. He wanted to say that it was nothing, that he would be willing to do it all over again, or that he would probably do anything in the whole wide world simply if he wanted it. But no words came out. His whole mind went blank. Then the next thing he knew was that Seungkwan’s lips tasted so good and he missed him so much and close enough would probably never be just enough. 

 

He distinctly remembered the moment when the arms that draped lazily around the shorter male’s waist suddenly brought him closer. They crashed their bodies into one another in an attempt to melt together, with their lips already caressing to the point where it was starting to be difficult to find anything other than Seungkwan to even think about. The hands that rested on the small of the male’s back lightly trailed over the expanse of skin that had opened up as his shirt slipped around in the process of pulling him closer, fingertips moving ever so carefully up the faint divots of his spine. 

 

They leaned against each other like their lives depended on it. To the point where when Seungkwan kissed him so deeply that it made his knees weak and threaten to give out, he would have nearly fallen over and stumbled onto the male’s body if he wasn’t already fully pressed up fully against him. With that one hand on his chest and the other hand freely working against another button on his shirt, Seungkwan backed him up against the nearest bed and they just kind of fell on top of it. Vernon couldn’t have even counted the amount of seconds that it took for their lips to part and have Seungkwan scrambling to climb back onto him, but within no time they were connected yet again. 

 

The blond haired male made the mistake of running out of oxygen first, which meant Vernon was threading his hands through his hair and pulling him back into his space for more. That only involved using his tongue to push past Seungkwan’s already reddened lips from the intensity actions before. They hadn’t gotten to this point of physical touches very many times in the past. That’s why it was almost too rewarding to hear the small moan of surprise that Seungkwan let out in response to this before allowing his own tongue to swirl around Vernon’s own in a moment of curiosity. 

 

All that his senses could register was Seungkwan. Boo Seungkwan. His Seungkwan. Seungkwan was his. Maybe the world didn’t know that yet, and maybe they never would know but all of that didn’t matter at all. With one hand threading through his soft locks of hair and his other hand against the small of his back, only controlling him to adjust himself more comfortably to rest on his lap, Vernon just couldn’t get enough of this. Maybe from now on, there was never going to be a moment when he didn’t crave the other male’s presence. 

 

Seungkwan was kissing him back with fervor, matching every kiss and every touch with an equal intensity to Vernon’s own. Everything was reciprocated. But this was starting to become too much for the both of them to handle. With racing heartbeats and the deepening lack of oxygen, to the way that Seungkwan’s fingertips were practically trembling as they gripped onto the collar of his shirt, all of this would have to pause only for their human needs. As Seungkwan tiredly rested his forehead against his own for only a second of peace, Vernon craned his neck upwards to unskillfully try to place a trail of kisses to his face. 

 

Normally, this kind of behavior would have caused Seungkwan to let out a pretty laugh and Vernon would go on to kiss him in rapid succession in order to earn more laughs from the male. Bu as for today, it definitely seemed like there were other intentions in mind. As the older male positioned on top of Vernon’s thighs without pushing too much pressure down on him, his fingers restlessly worked at finally letting loose another button of the dress shirt, shakily sliding down to the fourth and then even further down to the fifth. It only occurred to Vernon what he was trying to do when it was kind of too late, and the reality that nearly all of his chest was starting to be exposed to the cool air sent a deep shiver down his spine before he could stop any of this. 

 

“Seungkwan, you don’t have to.” He insisted quite breathlessly as his hand moved to steady the male’s trembling one, stopping it in it’s tracks in a tight hold. Even though he was the one trying to take control here and make sure that the older male was completely comfortable with all of this, he felt more exposed than maybe any other moment in his whole life. This was another imaginary line that they were making the choice to cross over. And if it came to this decision, then of course it would have to be mutual. 

 

“I want to.” Seungkwan was quick to assure him, possibly even more resolute in this than Vernon himself despite the hand that still trembled slightly in Vernon’s own. “Just shirts off...but nothing more after that.” 

 

Letting out a long breath in an attempt to compose himself, his eyes met Seungkwan’s own in an attempt to get one last check of consent between the two of them. Shifting slightly uncomfortably with the male’s weight on top of him, he only slid his upper body enough to shrug the rest of the dress shirt off of his shoulders once Seungkwan finished with the last button. Within the one second that it took to throw the clothing across the room and out of the way, Vernon became ever so aware of the other male’s eyes on himself. They were taking in every inch of his skin, with every little flaw and vulnerability wrapped up along with his gaze. He felt completely exposed, with the deep look in Seungkwan’s eyes making his body heat up uncomfortably as if those eyes could sear through his skin alone. 

 

But as soon as Seungkwan’s lips found themselves attached in crook of his neck, kissing him all all over and so gently and with care not to miss a single sweet spot, Vernon felt his eyelids fluttering shut before any other doubt could intrude in his mind. He wasn’t even sure how long they kept this up. With warm lips and the occasional use of the male’s tongue taking the chance to suck down onto various patches of his skin, Vernon simply lost track of time as he reveled in the pleasure. 

 

Eventually the time came for Seungkwan to get tired out from doing all the work here, to plop his head down onto Vernon’s shoulder where it always seemed to be whenever he needed it. The strands of blond hair brushing against the skin that he had just reddened and trailed little love bites across felt awfully sensitive, to the point where it tickled Vernon, wanting to scrunch up his neck and even making his toes curl in response. But still greatly feeling the need to be close again, his fingers brushed through his hair softly as he placed a single kiss to his partner’s forehead. 

 

“What’s gotten into you tonight, babe?” Vernon found himself whispering to him although they were alone in their room. There was just something more intimate about the action, still craving their closeness more as he placed a few kisses to the male’s earlobe. “I’ve never seen you this clingy in my whole life.” 

 

Something about his comented caused Seungkwan to glance away, the feeling of his flushing cheeks starting to get the best of him now that he was realizing how bold he was just mere seconds ago. “I’ve just been so happy these days… with us especially. It’s getting kind of scary, how much we can affect each other like this.” 

 

Vernon felt an overwhelming urge to say the first words that had popped into his mind. They were practically right at the tip of his lips, threatening to spill over and make themselves into reality, and never to be taken back ever again- but he just couldn’t. The timing wasn’t right yet. They still had a long ways to go. And he had no way to even be sure of what he was feeling was real. 

 

Taking the hand that had slipped under the hem of Seungkwan’s shirt and settled against his back softly, he tugged at the fabric in a wordless hint of what he was going for next. For a second he was sure Seungkwan was going to back out. With the way that he was pulling at his own lip between his teeth and physically pausing to take a deeper breath, Vernon was almost sure that he would deny all of this from continuing. But then he seemed to throw all regrets to the wind and pull his shirt over his head in one swift motion before he even had time to regret his decision. 

 

He was more nervous than Vernon had ever been, to the point where as soon as the shirt was off he was pulling Vernon’s body against his own almost for cover. Like he wanted to shield him away from looking at him too closely by pulling their bodies completely flush against each other instead. Even though Vernon noticed all of this, there was no way he’d speak up about anything. He simply eased a lock of hair behind the male’s ear with a gentle kiss to the forehead before embracing him fully, with his arms only furthermore locking their bodies together to stay.

 

They didn’t have to start kissing again. Vernon was intending to return all of his soft kisses and love bites to him in no time, but not until he was feeling perfectly comfortable and relaxed in his arms first. Fingertips trailed over the smooth expanse of the male’s cheek in order to align their eyes to take a good look at each other. As his own light colored orbs met with Seungkwan’s nearly black ones, Vernon smiled at him with his whole heart on his sleeve and met him for a devoted kiss on the lips. 

 

“I’m scared too, Seungkwan…” He confessed honestly, laying everything out on the line in this one moment as his heart threatened to stop beating completely in the process. “I’m going to fall in love with you someday. You know that, right?” 

 

Vernon watched him with everything he had, visibly able to see the male swallow an invisible lump that had formed in the back of his throat simply from hearing the words out loud. They weren’t the most confident words that Vernon had confessed. They were much quieter and more withdrawn than other things that he’s said in the past, but perhaps they meant so much more to Seungkwan than anything he’d ever heard in his whole life. Everything was completely overwhelming. He looked like he wanted to smile and cry all at the same time. It was all so unreal. To go on living this whole life foolishly wanting to believe in things like soulmates and destinies, but once he was faced with something so real he felt unbelievably sad at the uncertainty at the same time. There was no way to tell if this could be the one, or if the both of them would be horribly wrong and end up ruining each other in the process. It was perhaps the scariest thing they’d ever have to come to terms with. A complete mystery of how they could feel so relieved by these words and yet so utterly vulnerable at the same time. 

 

Seungkwan’s fingers moved to the side of Vernon’s face, ever so slightly hesitating to make contact with his flesh before letting out a shaky breath, cupping his cheek in a similar way that his own cheek was before finally allowing for his own eyes to slide shut. “I’m going to fall in love with you too, Hansol. Maybe we’re already halfway there.” 


	20. dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vernon and seungkwan enjoy a simple little date, meet up with a few friends, and some thinking about the future occurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, i want to apologize for this being much later than i expected. 
> 
> i was feeling kind of down this week due to problems about the seventeen new york ticketing, like the website had problems, i got scammed by a girl out of $160, and overall just issues with the whole company. the presale code i paid for turned out to be a lie and in the time that i used to enter a completely new code (given by an amazing reader here who totally saved me, honestly i love you) all of the VIP tickets were then gone. i never got to meet svt at kcon before and i didn't get into any fansigns in korea so i felt like this was such a good chance to meet them finally? but then this whole ticketing mess really made me upset and it was hard to think about seventeen things without getting bummed out. it's been hell fighting to get my money back and i've had so many other friends getting scammed or kicked out of their own vip tickets due to website errors, so i hope you guys aren't experiencing as much trouble as i've seen this week! 
> 
> i'll be looking around for vip auctions until the last minute so i won't give up yet! i just have to meet seungkwan and thank him so much for everything because he means so much to me ! but anyways, let me know if any of you guys are going to the new york show as well! i might also be attending the toronto show as well but i won't know until it gets closer.
> 
> citruseungkwan @ tumblr

On a lazy Sunday afternoon at their favorite cafe on campus, Vernon let his head plop down against Seungkwan’s shoulder with a small huff of frustration. The final exams of the semester were only about a month away and we already had a bunch of things to do. Technically they didn’t have to start studying yet but with all of the preparations for Seungkwan’s musical taking up most of their free time, both of the boys hadn’t exactly been putting in their best efforts towards coursework these days. Vernon could afford to slack off a little, but since Seungkwan needed to keep up his grades for his scholarship, it was actually his idea for the two of them to spend their free day catching up on things.

 

Vernon didn’t mind studying instead of doing something more interesting with his Sunday. Honestly, he could probably do anything with Seungkwan and still find it fun just to spend time with him. Part of what he didn’t enjoy too much was his current creative writing assignment though. His notebook had become a mess of drafts, with squiggly korean characters erased over multiple times, staining the page various shades of grey to the point where he couldn’t really tell what was actual writing or eraser shreds anymore. He could write lyrics pretty easily these days but submitting something more personal in for his class was a whole different level of difficulty. 

 

With allowing his head to rest against Seungkwan’s shoulder, this meant that their shoulders would also brush against each other on their shared side of the booth. This seemed like a perfect time to take a momentary break away from his studies. Vernon let out a deep breath and took a new one in against the male’s shirt, finding that the subtle scent of his roommate’s signature cologne lingering in the fabric only relieved his assignment stress more than anything. 

 

Even though this cleared Vernon’s head space from it’s scrambled mess of combining English and Korean together in an attempt to write something creative about himself, it seemed to do almost the exact opposite for Seungkwan.

 

Visibly tensing his shoulders up at these actions, his pen paused against the script he was making edits to and a low sigh passed his lips. “Still can’t concentrate?” He questioned out to the younger male resting on his shoulder with the turn of his head, earning a small nod from Vernon in response. “Well, I was perfectly concentrated on my own work but someone started breathing heavily down my neck and distracted me too.” 

 

Vernon found a smile spreading to his lips before he could even stop himself, letting out a  lighthearted laugh as he grinned up at the male. “I wasn’t even breathing against your neck. I sighed against your shoulder. Nothing but pure and simple intentions here.” Vernon defensively admitted although Seungkwan was probably right. “Besides, if I wanted to breathe against your neck I’d probably save that for when we’re all alone and in one of our beds, and then I would definitely do a lot more to your neck than just breathe on it.” 

 

“You’re horrible.” This caused Seungkwan to roll his eyes in response, but the soft pink flush growing on his cheeks was still making itself pretty evident despite his attempt to brush those words off. Vernon would have leaned up to press a quick kiss to the male’s cheek in apology for the playful teasing, but they were in public and still on the university’s campus so it didn’t seem like the best time. He settled for some more sweet words instead.

 

“Yeah, but you know you adore me anyways, right?”

 

Vernon watched on with a toothy grin as Seungkwan let his pen drop out of his hand and roll away to somewhere else to be forgotten about for now. His roommate turned to him with yet another long sigh leaving his lips, knowing all too well that if Vernon was going to be this distracted then it would just end up distracting himself too. “Alright, what can I do to help you to finally finish that assignment?” 

 

“I dunno. I guess I just don’t know what to write about...or where to really start.” He said with a light shrug of his shoulders as Seungkwan leaned over his lap in order to get a hint at what the topic was. “You know, writing in English is pretty much the same as speaking in English. But then when I have to use Korean to write, you guys have a completely different way of speaking in comparison to the language used in books and whatever so it’s difficult.” 

 

“Then you should go and read more books. I bet you could figure out the basics after finishing one or two novels instead of refreshing your youtube feed all day, or instead of listening to those weird underground rappers on soundcloud and staring at the ceiling for hours.”

 

“Hey- that could be pretty valuable inspiration seeking time.” Vernon pointed out, leaning over slightly to allow his shoulder to subtly press against the male’s own. “But anyways, why would I waste my time reading a book all by myself when I could have a long and intellectual conversation with you instead? I could write everything in my normal way of speaking and then you could help me change the grammar around to make it look more literary afterwards. I mean, you’re already practically my backup dictionary, Boo.” 

 

Seungkwan scoffed under his breath but laughed a little at the same time. “Well, yeah, but that’s only when I have to fill in the blanks for you when there’s just one word or something you don’t understand. Now should I be concerned that you’re only dating me to get good grades on your assignments too?” 

 

“No...” Vernon’s lips slightly protruded out from even making Seungkwan think that way, even through he knew they were just joking around. “...But now should I be concerned that you’re dating me just so you can improve your English then?” 

 

“I’m not even taking English classes anymore. That was back in high school. ” 

 

“Yeah, but you always said that you wanted to go watch something on Broadway in New York City...” Vernon pointed out the fact just to be a bit difficult, playing along with Seungkwan just for the fun of it with a whimsical grin on his face. “Then you ended up rooming with the one boy from New York out of the whole group of international students that entered the university this year… seems kind of suspicious to me.” 

 

This caused Seungkwan to pause to himself momentarily, Vernon’s words only now causing him to think about this idea for the first time. “You know what? That does seem like a definite advantage… I think I’ve just found a pretty good opportunity for myself.” He admitted with a happy nod to himself, the bubbly smile rising up on his features made Vernon reach up to pinch at one of the cute cheeks before he could stop the urge to do so. 

 

“So now you’re trying to latch onto me just to get an American visa? Damn, Boo. That’s harsh.” Vernon replied back with sarcasm as he gave Seungkwan’s cheek a soft pat after pinching it. All of their play bickering was kind of fun once it started to get going. Usually it went on much longer than either of them planned for, but then Seungkwan dropped his head against Vernon’s shoulder and this caused his heart heart to start beating a little faster than before and his stupid teasing grin started to fade away. 

 

“You know it’s not like that…” Seungkwan drawled out as his head lolled against the shoulder in a similar way to how Vernon himself had previously distracted him earlier. “Although I do think that coming from such different places makes things much more interesting between us, I’m not into you just because you’re American. I honestly don’t even look at you as being half-white or from a different country, or even someone of the same gender as me. You’re just Vernon. My Vernon. And everything about you is so intriguing to me. I don’t think there will ever be a day that I’m not satisfied to hear about your thoughts or learn more about you.” 

 

Having their conversation take on more of a serious tone wasn’t something that Vernon had predicted, but as the male’s quiet words that were muttered only for him started to sink in, Vernon found himself agreeing with nearly everything he said. It had all been the same to him too, especially during the process of dealing with his changing emotions towards Seungkwan. The change between friends to something more wasn’t easy with him to come to terms with, nearly only because of the fact that Seungkwan was from the same gender. He wasn’t completely comfortable with his sexuality, and some lines were still hard to think about crossing, but he was getting there. Slowly but surely, he’d be able to open himself up in the same way. 

 

Before he could come up with any words to describe how thankful he felt to Seungkwan for thinking about him in such a sincere way, the older male seemed to push away these thoughts before they could continue on any further. “That was….well, deeper than I expected to get today but still true nonetheless.” Seungkwan admitted with a small laugh, glancing down to watch his fingers play around aimlessly in his lap. “What I was thinking before that though, was that it seems like fun to take a vacation together. Even something small and cheap. We usually spend all our time together in our room, or in school hallways, sometimes at various restaurants. And since you’re from New York, doesn’t that give us a convenience excuse to go there someday?”

 

Something in these words peaked Vernon’s interest. These plans were almost like a distant dream, something way too far into the future to make definite, but yet there was something so promising about them at the same time. The subtle implications of Seungkwan wanting to be with him in the future, long enough to be making plans together, pursuing dreams by each other’s sides- all of this made Vernon feel nothing but warm and fuzzy on the inside. 

 

Slowly slipping the arm that was hidden in between him and Seungkwan’s shoulders to find the other male’s hand, his fingers seeked out his roommate’s own in order to fall into their perfect place. They were partially hidden under the table and out of the line of vision of the other cafe’s patrons, but they were still holding hands. In any moment, that would be enough for Vernon. 

 

“Let’s go then.” Vernon decided with a resolute nod as his hand gave a soft squeeze to Seungkwan’s own. “I haven’t made any plans to return back home this summer because I’m still settling down with things here, but maybe next summer? Or even during Christmas break? I mean the city is actually a mess with all the snow and it gets all brown and dirty from the cars but I’m sure all your excitement will still make it as beautiful as you’ve imagined.” 

 

Seungkwan nodded eagerly as he blinked up at Vernon with excitement lingering in his gaze. Vernon could practically see how much these plans meant to him. He could really make all of this happen for Seungkwan, to actually take him there and let him experience all of the things that he had dreamed about for years. Something about seeing him this way, so eager and expectant about making all of this come true made Vernon a bit lovestruck just by watching. He wanted to grab him by the collar and kiss him so deeply to assure him that they would try so hard to make it happen someday. But then again they were still in public...

 

“Ah, but Hansol, you said you didn’t exactly live in the city.” Seungkwan finally remembered, pointing this out and shaking him away from his thoughts a bit. “If it’s too far away from your family and it’s hard to get there, we could just hang out in your hometown instead.” 

 

“No, I’ll take you to the city.” Vernon assured him like it was almost a promise. “It’s actually kind of expensive so I think we’d only be able to stay in a hotel for about a week, but we could always spend the rest of break back at my house. My hometown is kind of quiet sometimes and there’s not really that much to do but there’s some really nice restaurants and state parks and we kind of have a small city area too and there’s a lot of fields for playing sports so I could probably find a volleyball one for you too and-” 

 

Hearing all of these ideas come together all at once earned a small laugh from Seungkwan’s who was still resting his head against his shoulder. This caused Vernon to raise an eyebrow up in questioning. “You don’t have to ramble on so much in order to convince me to go with you. Everything is going to be completely new to me since I have never even left the country before. So no need to worry because I’m sure I’ll even find your little suburb interesting, Hansol.” 

 

“Well, even if for some reason you didn’t like it, then I would take you back to the city right away.” Vernon found himself continuing to insist on, finding the thoughts starting to bubble up in his head from all of the excitement Seungkwan had attributed to. “Or if you didn’t like my parents for some reason, I would take you back. But in actuality I think there’s no real  reason for you not to like them because I think they’re pretty much fine with almost everything... I’m already sure they’d let you stay as long as you wanted and mom would definitely go out of her way to make you whatever American foods you wanted to eat. Sometimes if I asked her to make me something after dinner she’d tell me to go make a sandwich instead because she already cooked up a whole dinner earlier that night. But then if you’re our guest, I bet she’d even cook you up a whole feast for a midnight snack if you simply asked for it.” 

 

Seungkwan listened into all of this with an amused smile on his face, as he patiently let Vernon just keep on telling him stories. 

 

“My dad is pretty cool too. He’s a lot more busy than mom so whenever he’s home he’s just kind of more chill and relaxed. A few of my relatives said I get that from him, I guess. I don’t really see it though. He’d probably just talk to you for a few minutes and go back to his work if he felt like he was intruding on our time to hang out together. And then there’s also Sofia too. Well, she’s a teenager, and a high school girl at that so she’s really loud and invites her friends over nearly every day and they talk all the way through the morning and almost never leave. There’s always random girls sleeping over. I think mom prefers to keep them in the house so they’re not out chasing boys or getting into trouble or whatever but it gets old. And fast.” 

 

“Hey, Hansol?” 

 

“Yeah?” Hearing Seungkwan’s voice interrupt all of his explanation only made him realize how fast he had been conveying this information over to him, finally stopping now take a full breath after quite awhile. 

 

“You don’t have to say all of this to make me like your family or something.” Seungkwan rubbed the back of his hand softly under the table with his fingertips, letting out an amused chuckle to himself. “I’m sure I’ll like them a lot if they’re just like you. Besides, from everything you’ve told me they seem really nice. Even Sofia. I’m loud too so I’m sure I’ll get along with her well.” 

 

“Oh my god…” Vernon muttered out, realizing to himself that he had been full out rambling about his family this whole time when the conversation had previously only been about talking about his hometown. Once he had started imagining the two of them actually going back home it made sense that Seungkwan would maybe end up meeting his family. It would be the cheapest and most reasonable option after all. But then he totally went overboard and basically decided for the two of them that he wanted to introduce Seungkwan to his parents. His parents didn’t even know he was dating someone. Or currently in a non-heterosexual relationship. This was taking things quite a ways overboard.

 

“Shit....I just kind of assumed you’d want to meet my family.” Vernon admitted with a slow blink “I wouldn’t be offended in the slightest if you didn’t want to though. It’s all kind of too soon and I was talking hypotheticals so yeah, don’t take this too seriously.”

 

“You’re ridiculous, Hansol.” Seungkwan just shook his head with another lighthearted laugh. “I’m not afraid to meet your family.”

 

“You’re….um not?” 

 

“No. We’re best friends. It would be weird if I  _ didn’t _ meet your family someday.” The older male had insisted and when he put things in this way, it made much more sense to Vernon now. “Besides, you’ve heard me talking on the phone with my parents and my noonas so many times before. They always ask what I’m doing and who I’m with and since that’s you most of the time, I’m sure they’ve heard enough about you already. I don’t think it would be awkward at all to meet with either sides of our families. Unless you really can’t pick up on Jeju dialect, then yeah that might cause some awkwardness. Grandma won’t like you too much if you don’t learn for her!” 

 

Hearing this brought a sense of relief over Vernon, laughing softly to himself at the joke as he found most of his previous thoughts and worries started to slip way back into his mind and somewhere far away from this conversation. Seungkwan always had that kind of way with him. He’d just say something funny right when Vernon least expected it and always seemed to keep the mood in a good place. 

 

“Sometimes I can barely get standard Korean right! How do you expect me to do that?” He jokingly retorted back to Seungkwan, who just kept laughed along with him from his place on his shoulder with a carefree shrug.

 

After a few seconds of gazing back and forth at each other, sharing small smiles and gazes full of adoration, Seungkwan gave a slightly firm squeeze to the hand that was intertwined with his own to get his attention. “Hansol-ah?” 

 

“Hm?” 

 

“You didn’t decide on any summer plans yet?” 

 

Vernon just shook his head from side to side. “Nope, not really. I just thought I’d hang around here with the guys, work on some new music, maybe go to the beach once. Nothing too interesting.” He informed Seungkwan, who nodded to himself in thought for only long enough to the point where Vernon assumed he was asking for a particular reason. “Why are you asking?” 

 

In an unexpected turn of things, Seungkwan looked a bit hesitant as he pursed his lips together. As if he was debating back and forth in his head whether or not to explain to Vernon the real reasons behind his question. A little tiny smile that was threatening to spill over his lips made Vernon almost certain that he was hiding something and nearly on the verge of letting it out. 

 

“Seungkwan…” He lowered his voice slightly as he neared closer to the male’s ear, bumping the male in the side to urge him to spill the news faster. “I know what that look means... you’ve got something on your mind. You can tell me what you’re planning up in there.” 

 

“I don’t know if I should say it yet, it’s kind of embarrassing to ask…” He admitted a in slight confliction, but when Vernon was already staring at him so intently like this and giving his hand all of the reassuring squeezes and small touches that he ever needed, he just averted his eyes away and blurted everything out in one quick sentence. “Hansol, will you spend summer to Jeju with me?” 

 

Vernon stared at him quite blankly for a second, simply blinking to himself as the words sunk into his head at a rate slower than he would have hoped for. Seungkwan wanted to spend the summer together. In Jeju. In his hometown. Sort of reminiscent to what they had been talking about, but on a much smaller and much more reasonable scale. He’d be vacationing with Seungkwan. For all three months. Just the two of them. And also with Seungkwan’s parents and all his sisters and entire extended family that just so happened to exist on that one small island. 

 

“Don’t feel like you have to say yes just because you like me.” Seungkwan insisted quickly, shaking Vernon’s hand around under the table to coax him to finally respond somehow. “I was already planning on going anyways and when we started talking about traveling together I kind of only realized that you’re going to be all alone here for the summer just now. But if you’d rather stay and work on music with everyone else, then that’s perfectly fine too. I wouldn’t feel bad if you didn’t want to go.” 

 

“No, I want to go.” Vernon finally decided without another moment of thought, smiling over at his best friend with a resolute nod. “I’ll go with you to Jeju, Seungkwan. I mean, I don’t have much money but each plane ride should only be a little over $100, right? I think I’ll be able to afford it.” 

 

“Wait, are you serious? Are you sure?” Seungkwan almost asked out in disbelief, his eyes widening as he had to take his head off of Vernon’s shoulder to get a good look at his expression. Just to make sure. “It’s still a month or so away, so you don’t have to make a decision yet. It’s just something that maybe you’d want to think about a little more?”

 

Vernon could see the happiness that was almost ready to unleash itself behind Seungkwan’s feigned concern over his choice. Practically he was getting all antsy in his seat and ready to burst from the seams in joy, but Vernon could tell he was holding himself back from doing anything drastic because they were still in a relatively quiet cafe. 

 

Seeing Seungkwan so excited about this already made Vernon reach up to lightly ruffle his finger’s through the male’s bleached blonde hair, gently patting him on the top of the head with a warm smile. “I’d be happy to go to Jeju with you, Seungkwan. I’ve heard you talk about it nearly every day for the past six months so I’m looking forward to your little tour of the island.” 

 

“Choi Hansol, look at me.” Seungkwan surprised him quite greatly by grabbing his face between booth of his hands, his dark brown eyes blinking into Vernon’s own honey brown ones in curiosity as he really tried to examine him. “If you’re being absolutely and completely honest with me, in which I think you are, then I can assure you that I am going to give you the biggest and wettest kiss on the lips as soon as we finish all this homework and go back to our room.” 

 

“Alright, alright. I’ll even go call my mom right now and let her know about our plans so she can start looking for plane tickets.” He mumbled out with difficulty through his pressed cheeks. “Can you maybe release me now?” 

 

“Not until you know that right now as I’m looking at you, I’m thinking about kissing you  _ so _ fucking hard right now.” 

 

“I do that all the time, babe.” 

 

“I’m sure you do.” Seungkwan responded back to him with a roll of his eyes as Vernon winked in his direction, yet his smile never left his lips as he moved to turn back to his assignment that had just been left untouched on the table. “I think we’d better get back to work now. Let’s order some more drinks and hang around for one more hour?” 

 

Vernon nodded in agreement to this idea and took the initiative to order more beverages for the two of them. It seemed like Seungkwan’s assignment was a little more important than his own so he didn’t want to distract him from his progress any longer. He took his wallet and made his way over to the cafe counter to order two more teas for the both of them. Seungkwan would always order an earl grey tea, no sugar but just a little splash of milk. He had his usual order memorized by now. Vernon was a little less adventurous and would settle for just a regular green tea. 

 

“Can I get…. Oh!” Vernon was about to complete his order to the barista waiting behind the cash register until something caught him off guard. The barista he had previously ordered from had switched to making drinks instead, now replaced by a worker that he had recognized quite well. Currently Junhui was dressed in a clean button down shirt with the cafe’s signature logo printed on the front of his apron, with also a quite dazzling smile aimed at Vernon. “You work here now?” 

 

“I’ve always worked here, silly. Maybe you didn’t notice me working here before because that was before we technically met each other face to face. But now that you know me, maybe I’ll start popping up in unexpected places!” Junhui responded back with a carefree laugh, happy to be able to talk to Vernon for a little while since there was no one currently in line behind him. “I told you that I work at a cafe, a restaurant, and at the bar. Doesn’t it make sense that I work at a cafe close to campus so that it doesn’t interfere with my class hours?” 

 

Vernon could only nod in agreement to that. It made the most sense. “Well, I feel bad for not remembering ordering from you here before but we weren’t aware of each other existing so I guess I won’t beat myself up about it too much. Honestly, you’re too busy though. I don’t even know how you keep it up.” 

 

“It’s easy. I’m a people pleaser. Working is just like socializing but getting paid for it.” Junhui said with the swat of his hand like it was the most easy thing in the world before turning back to the automated computer screen. “Speaking of people pleasing, may I finally get around to taking your order? I’ll probably get in trouble again if I keep on talking without actually getting you something…” 

 

Nearly forgetting his purpose for making his way up to the counter in the first place due to finding Junhui quite interesting to talk to, Vernon cleared his throat slightly before reciting the order. “One hot green tea and one hot earl grey tea, uh, with a quite a big splash of milk in it. No sugar though.” 

 

A somewhat sneaky smile had formed on Junhui’s face as he glanced up at Vernon from behind the screen after putting the orders in. “Ooh, an order for  _ two _ ? Who’s the lucky date for today?” 

 

“Come on, hyung.” Vernon let his eyes roll slightly, glancing up at the ceiling to get his gaze away from Junhui’s speculative stare. “You know who I’m dating. I’m sure you can guess who I’m here with.” 

 

“Sweet boy?” 

 

“What-” 

 

Junhui’s head spun around in perhaps a millisecond as he rapidly searched around the room for the male in questioning. “Aha! It’s Seungkwan, I knew it!” He exclaimed out quite louder than he needed to in a quiet cafe on a sunday afternoon, but something about his excitement made Vernon bite back a smile of his own instead of feeling embarrassed about the outburst. “That’s cute though, I wish I had someone to spend a nice little study date with too. Like to drink overly sweetened teas together or share a huge piece of cake with. It sounds so romantic.” 

 

The male was getting much more excited about this type of situation than Vernon himself was, making the slightly daydream-like expression on his face quite amusing to watch. “I can assure you, there’s nothing too special about secretly dating in public and trying to hold back your affection from the whole student body. Maybe you’re just getting lost in this fantasy because you want your break to come sooner or something.” 

 

“Yeah, you’re probably right about that. I have break in about a half hour though. Would you mind if I interrupt your little date to talk with you guys? It’s been awhile after all…” Junhui trailed on with his head tipped to the side, in a way that seemed like he was asking for an invite. Of course Vernon wouldn’t have refused. Not even if the older male had invited himself over to the table unannounced. 

 

“Only if you can hook us up with some free teas?” Vernon responded back jokingly with a winning grin and finger guns that only made Junhui let out a long sigh.

 

“Oh honey, I already hooked you up with my employee discount a long time ago. But if you need any more reason to invite me over, I can hook you up with a free slice of cake as well? Have you ever shared cake with a cute boy before? I swear- it takes romance to a whole new level.” 

 

This made Vernon let out an entertained laugh. He didn’t have any experience with that before, so he’d probably just have to take Junhui’s word for it. “Alright, then. I’m sure Seungkwan will be extremely thrilled to see you so you better hurry over. I’m not sure how long I can keep it a secret that you work here. He might just catch sight of you and run over on his own will.” 

 

“Ooh, you’re right! I better try to like..duck down or something behind the computer so I can surprise him.” Junhui suddenly realized, clutching the cash register and deciding to somehow shield his body with it in a comical way that made Vernon laugh. There was really no one else like Junhui. Maybe Mingyu came close though. “By the way, sometimes Minghao stops by during my lunch break and brings some food by. If you see him try and wrangle him into your booth and keep him from leaving. It would be nice to spend some time together before break.” 

 

Vernon nodded and shot a mini salute in his direction to assure him that they’d try their best. Within moments later, both of the piping hot teas were ready and Junhui bid him off with a promise to join them shortly after. Something about Junhui always put him in a cheerful mood. Maybe it had something to do with his always open and carefree attitude or all of the quirky remarks and behaviors, but it brought a smile to Vernon’s face as he made his way back to the table. Seungkwan himself could see the subtle change in his expression as he joined him back by his side.

 

“You look happy.” Seungkwan pointed out with a slight smirk on his face. “You run into a cute girl or something.” 

 

The comment made Vernon’s finally become aware of peculiar smile on his own face, slightly self conscious about controlling it back to a normal expression now. “I just ran into one of our friends. If you can wait a little while and try not to ask me who it is, maybe you’ll be able to have a surprise today?” 

 

Seungkwan let out a mock gasp. “Other friends interrupting my date with Vernon? How horrible!” 

 

“You get enough alone time with me as it is. I’m sure you could settle for a few minutes.” Vernon assured him with a light pat to the small of his back, to which Seungkwan let his head plop onto Vernon’s shoulder yet again and settle into his warmth. They stayed like that for quite awhile. Just to enjoy the peaceful afternoon in a calm and quiet cafe. Vernon could dote on Seungkwan a bit. Keeping a constant routine of adding more and more sugar to Seungkwan’s tea every time he claimed it still tasted bitter. Something about his small comments made Vernon think he just liked the little extra attention, or to be adored a little more than usual. If Seungkwan liked to be taken care of, he had found the right person to do that. 

 

Just about enough time had passed for Seungkwan to finish up on some edits to a script for his theatre class. It seemed like nearly perfect timing for Junhui to saunter in their directions with a willing, but slightly slower Minghao in tow. Somehow he had managed to loop one arm along with Minghao’s own but also balanced a tray filled with enough pastries for all of them to share. Vernon particularly wondered how he could balance all of that and drag a friend along too. He’d have to just write it off as some waiter trick. 

 

As kind and bubbly as always, Junhui placed the tray of desserts in front of the two younger boys in offering. “You can’t just come into my cafe and  _ only _ order tea. A Sunday date needs sweets too, you know!” He insisted with a small laugh. “It’s all on the house so don’t even try to deny my offer.” 

 

Seungkwan was visibly touched by the offer, reaching over to hold one of Junhui’s hands tightly within his own. “Junhui-hyung, you’re the best. You’re always too good for us.” He admitted with a slight pout, rubbing the back of the elder’s hand. “And you’re using your break to come spend time with us instead of relaxing? You must be an angel or something.” 

 

The elder just laughed at this comment before waving his hand around in dismissal. “Nah, it’s really nothing. I usually have a lunch date with this fool anyways.” This comment was directed at no one other than Minghao, who had slid into the double booth beside him and already started digging through some takeout bags. “The best part about having a filthy rich friend with no particular work schedule is that I’m lucky enough to call him up to bring me whatever I want for lunch. And generally whenever I want too. There’s no way he could resist me anyways, huh Haohao?” 

 

Being called by the particular nickname peaked some of the other Chinese male’s interest, causing him to glance up for a second before shaking his head quickly and looking away. “I thought we decided not to use that nickname in public anymore…” 

 

“Well, I think it perfectly suits you and it’s quite cute as well.” Junhui responded back without much of a fight before he turned to Seungkwan and Vernon instead. “Don’t you guys use any cute nicknames with each other too? I’ve known Minghao for nearly twenty-two years of life and he complains when I call him anything otherwise.” 

 

“He’s my Boo.” Vernon responded with a somewhat confident grin, moving to let one of his arms drape around Seungkwan’s shoulders comfortably when he noticed the shorter male’s cheeks slightly turn pink. “It’s just his last name but I think it’s a pretty cute nickname.” 

 

“You could call your boy BooBoo while I call my best friend by Haohao.” Junhui suggested quite jokingly with an amused laugh, earning one from Vernon as well and two firm headshakes of disapproval from both boys in questioning. “Yeah, I’m just playing but it’s still cute nonetheless. I like cheesy things like that. But what about you Seungkwan? What’s your special name for Vernon?”

 

The shifting of the question onto himself caused Seungkwan to pause for a moment, stopping himself from going in to eat another bite of strawberry cream cake. He tipped his head to the side as he really had to think about it. “Well… I usually just call him by Hansol.” He admitted with a small chuckle, realizing now how plain it had sounded. “Everyone else calls him by Vernon but he introduced himself to me as Hansol so I assumed he preferred that name. It just kind of stuck after that.” 

 

“I think that’s sweet though. If you’re the only one who calls him by his real name then that’s what makes it so much more special.” Junhui gushed for a moment before opening his mouth in Seungkwan’s direction, making the latter take the hint to feed him a generous spoonful of cake as well. He smiled with his eyes in the male’s direction in silent words of thanks as he worked on finishing chewing before speaking to Vernon again. “But anyways, from now on I’ll remind myself to only call you as Vernon from now on. You two can keep your little secret thing to yourselves.” 

 

“Thanks, hyung.” Vernon responded back with an entertained laugh. “I guess it’s very, um, considerate of you not to call me by my first name in this case? If there’s any nicknames that you want me to avoid calling you as well, feel free to let me know.” 

 

Junhui was quick to think as he hurriedly pushed another bite of cake past his lips. “Ah, I don’t think you’ll have any problem with that. Call me anything and everything. I just like the attention actually.” He responded back muffledly but he was clearly hungry from working so hard all morning. Vernon and Seungkwan didn’t mind too much as he spoke with food in his mouth but Minghao turned to him with a slightly disappointed look in his eyes. “Usually Minghao calls me something like ‘hey, idiot’ or ‘you, over there’ so I’ll take any nickname I can get. I’ve personally decided Prince Junhui is a nice one.” 

 

Seungkwan nodded excitedly in agreement. “You are very prince-like!” 

 

Junhui just smiled proudly over at the boy and reached over to pat his head softly. “I think we’ll have to start this officially from now on. Prince Junhui, Servant Minghao, Rapgod Vernon and Sweet Boy Seungkwan.” 

 

“Will you stop eating cake for one second and eat a real lunch first?” Minghao didn’t pay attention to the comment about nicknames, or simply chose not to. Instead, he pushed a large take out box over to his friend in attempts to finally draw him away from the sweets. “I mean, how are you going to work another shift if you don’t eat anything but sugar? Today I got you Shenzhen style stir-fried noodles and roasted chicken. Just like home.” 

 

“I suppose the sweets can wait until later.” Junhui replied in a slightly dramatic tone, but was still quick in laughing it off and thanking Minghao for picking up his food for him. As he took his chopsticks and started to stir around his noodles in a red hot sauce, his eyes completely lit up as the delicious smell started to waft through the air. He must have noticed that Vernon and Seungkwan had their eyes on the dish as well, which caused him to glance up with an enthusiastic smile. “Doesn’t it smell good guys? Come and dig in! I’m not sure if you’ve tried food from my part of China before, but if not, then I hope you’ll like it!” 

 

“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to take away from your lunch…” Vernon started on hesitantly but the smell of the food was certainly starting to make his mouth water. Before he could even think twice, within a mere second Junhui had responded by pushing a scoop of noodles past his lips. He let out a muffled noise of surprise, but then the flavor of the food finally hit him. It was spicy. Not just spicy, but extremely fiery, peppery, and sweat inducing spicy. He was sure his eyes almost bugged out of his head from the surprise. “Oh my god- you should have warned me! This is a lot to handle!” 

 

The rest of the boys watched on as his skin completely changed color, leaving a bright red tint to his cheeks and the tips of his ears. Junhui could only snicker on affectionately as he reached over to fan at Vernon’s cheeks with one hand in an attempt to save him. Seungkwan occupied himself with pinching the tip of his ear and laughing amusedly at how hot it felt under his touch. Minghao might have snuck a few pictures with his phone. 

 

Vernon had reached for some of Seungkwan’s sugar induced tea and quickly downed the rest of it in an attempt to save himself. “I can’t believe you’re eating that without even a single tear in your eye.” He had coughed out after most of the spice had left him. “Is that even fun? Does it taste good at all when it’s that spicy? Seems like actual torture to me.” 

 

“Of course it tastes good. That’s why this taste is most famous in all of Shenzen.” Junhui insisted, earning a nod in approval from Minghao as well when Vernon looked at him quite skeptically. 

 

“Either way, I’m glad you survived.” Seungkwan had turned to him, lightly placing a hand onto Vernon’s cheek to test if he was still overcome with the spice still, but he somewhat took the chance to cup his cheek for a little longer than necessary. “You know, they say a lot of white people can’t handle spicy food well. It might be his American half that can’t enjoy the taste.” 

 

Vernon glanced over at him with a single eyebrow raised, grinning in a way that implied a challenge. “Boo Seungkwan I can surely assure you that that is not the case here. I can bet that if you try it too, you’re going to heat up and turn into an actual tomato face just like I did.” 

 

Seungkwan didn’t hesitate for a second. He couldn’t pass up on anything when Vernon looked at him like that. So he took up the bet and tried a bite of Junhui’s special food. It took him a few more seconds, but he burst out coughing only moments later and was forced to swallow all of the food down with slightly wet eyes. Of course they all laughed at this and teased him lightly, but it was all in good sport. Vernon fed him a very large bite of cake afterwards in order to clear the overlooming taste in his mouth, in which Seungkwan gratefully let him save him. 

 

That’s how they spent the rest of the afternoon. Just enjoying their relaxing Sunday with some friends, sharing funny stories and gossip about their week, and even making plans to meet up again soon. Final exams were about to start. Things would get busy for awhile, and then they’d all move on to their own summer plans. They didn’t have much moments to spend time together as a group this semester. 

 

Even when Junhui went back to work, Minghao stayed with them in favor of waiting for Junhui’s next break that would come shortly after. In their group chat, they hand wrangled up a few of their other friends who happened to be on campus today as well. Soonyoung and Seokmin were just upstairs, so they came by in no time. Vernon assumed Joshua would come by as well, but he was nearly beside himself when the older male walked in hand-in-hand with Jeonghan. Who currently had all of his hair chopped off.

 

He was pretty sure every single one of their friends had their jaws dropped to the floor, just gaping in his direction as he squeezed into their group’s booth. Jeonghan could only respond with a light chuckle as his fingertips reached up to ruffle back much more short locks of brown hair. It was still longer than Vernon’s own hairstyle, but extremely drastic from the long locks of hair that were known as being part of the male’s signature style. “I know what you’re all thinking, but I was looking forward to changing things up like this.” Jeonghan admitted honestly, with nothing but a sincerely happy smile on his face. “I’m graduating, so there’s a lot of things I want to leave in the past. My previous image, my reputation in this school, the way I’ve behaved around other students to get money… I think you can get what I’m going to stop doing.” 

 

Next to him, Joshua had moved to place his palm on top of Jeonghan’s hand. The small gesture took the older male away from his thoughts for a small moment, making his eyes travel over to the boy next to him. There was nothing but reassurement from the look in Joshua’s gaze. This caused Jeonghan to bite back his growing smile as he habitually pushed a more shorter lock of hair behind his ear. “I’m not going to be ‘playboy’ Jeonghan anymore. I want to be a Jeonghan that you guys are proud of. And in the future, I hope I can be a better Jeonghan that can be as good to Joshua as he has been to me....” 

 

Vernon’s lips parted for a need to say something. To say that he’s been nothing but supportive and caring to all of his friends all along. Or to say that he’s been perfectly fine this whole time and there was nothing to change. But if he wanted to change himself for the better, in a way that Vernon maybe couldn’t exactly see himself, then who would he be to stop him? He was just happy for Jeonghan for making the decision to become whatever future self he was looking forward to. Part of what kept him quiet though was that Jeonghan didn’t exactly seem to be done speaking. 

 

Jeonghan turned to Joshua with a somewhat interesting smile on his lips, almost like he was trying to hold himself from giving away everything just by his expression alone. “Do you want to tell them the next part? I wouldn’t want to keep all of the surprises to myself.” 

 

The male by his side just nodded in response, a matching smile on his own face as he took a small breath in order to prepare himself for the words that came next. “After graduation, we’ve decided to go back to America together. Jeonghan wants to follow me to Los Angeles.” 

 


	21. saying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some words are always needed to be spoken. joshua, vernon, and jihoon all have some very important things to be said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally....an update on the actual day i'm supposed to post it (i'm relieved)  
> in boston it's been extremely hot this week with lots of storms. i actually got a lot of time to write because i was stuck in the house during nearly two days of lightning storms. i'm really scared of lightning actually so it was a great way to distract myself with drafting upcoming chapters of this story. in regards to the ending being about 15% away, please let me know if there are any unanswered questions about any of the characters or plot lines. i'd like to cover just about everything to make sure the ending is satisfying enough! 
> 
> in other news, i love seungkwan with all my heart @ citruseungkwan on tumblr

It was a rather slow day in Vernon and Joshua’s shared history class. Their professor had allowed the students an extra in class period in order to complete their final group projects, but in reality they were just doing a lot more fooling around than actually working. Vernon didn’t have to worry too much, since Joshua was his partner for the project. The elder male had a much better work ethic than his own, and tended to be a perfectionist at times, so most of their assignment had been started as soon as it was announced and already close to completion.

As Joshua worked on inputting their notes into a powerpoint, Vernon found himself slacking off due to the fact that he was getting kind of bored with watching him type. “So, this whole bringing Jeonghan to America thing…” He started out a bit cautiously, trying to ease his way into the conversation without distracting the male too much. “How did that even happen? I think nearly everyone expected you two to finally get back together, but taking the step to up and move to a whole new country? That’s um- a really big step?”

The somewhat unexpected question caused Joshua’s fingers to stop against the keyboard momentarily. As he really thought about the question, his head tipped to the side pensively. “Well, I could say it’s a long story but it really isn’t. I don’t really have any other choice besides going back to America because my visa is up after graduation. Jeonghan never really had any future plans besides simply graduating university, so he asked if he could go back to LA with me. It’s kind of like a mini-vacation or a break from school before we have to find jobs.”

Vernon nodded his head in understanding, now coming more to terms with the details of all of this. It was still quite a shock when the two of them had announced it in the cafe yesterday. Maybe it even seemed like a bad idea, with no planning or reasoning behind it, but yet it was kind of typical at the same time. Lots of people took breaks after graduating.

“This is all kind of temporary then?” Vernon questioned out to his friend. “Like he’ll use some of his savings to spend the summer there and eventually come back to Korea and get a job here instead?”

The elder male just let out an amused chuckle, letting his shoulders raise upwards to shrug. “We’re talking about Jeonghan here. Is he ever the type to do what people expect of him?”

“I can’t even picture him working a normal nine to five job…”

“But to answer your previous question, in all honesty, I don’t know what’s going to happen.” Joshua admitted sincerely, glancing in a direction other than Vernon as he spilled out all of his thoughts. “We’ll rent an apartment together. Just the two of us. I’d like to take him around for a week or two and then start a full time job for myself. Jeonghan can’t speak much English so he mentioned wanting to take a class while I’m busy with that. Maybe he’ll be able to get a job somewhere too, or work from home. It sounds kind of irresponsible to say, but we don’t really have many definite plans other than just wanting to be together.”

As Vernon was thinking with his chin in the palm of his hand, he just ended up smiling over at his friend with a matching shrug. “It does seem kind of thoughtless, but you're just following what your heart wants. Isn’t that the most natural thing to do?” The words he spoke seemed to visibly lessen some of the weight that Joshua had been holding in his shoulders. It probably wasn’t easy admitting that there really was no plan to begin with. Somehow, maybe that would be what was best for the two of them anyways. “I mean, there’s really no need to make elaborate plans for the future. If you’re happy just living day-to-day, chasing whatever new dreams or aspirations that suddenly hit you, and doing all of this together, then I’d say go for it.”

These words caused Joshua’s fingers to completely pause their work from typing up their project. Slowly, he turned his head in Vernon’s direction and took note of how serious he was being right now. In slight amazement at this fact, he shook his head from side to side and let out a light sight. “Honestly, I didn’t expect you to be so supportive about this. I only just got back together with him, and technically we were never really dating before in the first place. Running off to America sounds like a horribly rushed idea, but he was the one who expressed most of the excitement in coming along with me. We’re still testing the waters on whether or not this will all work out.”

“I’m not being supportive just because you’re my friend, either.” Vernon insistently pointed out. “You know that I’m not the type to hold back my thoughts with you just because you’re older. I follow American rules, so I’m gonna talk to you just as I would anyone else.” As he mentioned this, Joshua let out a soft laugh and nodded for him to continue on with his point. “But I really don’t think there’s any need to complicate things. I’m not saying you need like a whole 10 year life plan all worked out either. If you’re happy with just the simple things, then find a job you like to pay off the bare essentials and just live day to day. Eventually if a big opportunity happens for either of you, then decide what to do when it happens. Maybe it’s better off just enjoying your time together and let things in the future happen naturally.”

“Hey, it might not be an important plan such as becoming a doctor or a lawyer or anything, but it’s still a plan.” Joshua admitted with a soft chuckle. Somehow through listening to Vernon’s carefully thought out words to him, all of the remaining worries about his peers judging him had seemed to wash away. At least for the time being. Almost like there was a weight taken off his shoulders, and a metaphorical spring in his step, Joshua was back at typing up their notes at a more rapid speed. “By the way, I would say Jeonghan is much more excited about going to American than I am. It’s kind of funny actually. He’s already looking up tourist attractions in his spare time and sending me pictures of new foods he wants to try. I even saw a newly purchased English study guide in his bag. Even if he doesn’t want to stay for longer than the summer, I think he’s going to have enough fun in LA.”

“I can’t wait to take Seungkwan back to New York with me someday too. He’s never left Korea before either so I’m just excited to show him how things are like. It’s so different than Seoul that sometimes I just want to see how his face will light up in excitement when he experiences some completely new things for the first time.” Vernon found himself adding on to Joshua’s statement in a bit of a daydream like state, only realizing that he had sidetracked the conversation and turned the topic onto himself instead. A bit embarrassed for suddenly thinking too much about Seungkwan, he cleared his throat and tried to change the subject back before Joshua noticed. “Anyways, so you guys are going to basically do fun vacation things for a few weeks... but then when the honeymoon period is over, what kind of job are you even trying to get anyways?”

“As much as I would love to say that I’m hoping to get discovered while singing on the street, I doubt that would ever happen-”

You live close to Hollywood so you never know!” Vernon pointed out, yet Joshua was still quite skeptical.

“Well, I don’t even think that is too likely so I’ve come up with a few plans for the time being.” Joshua said in an attempt to ground his friend a little more into reality. “Being discovered would be great but as for actual jobs, I already sent in an application to be an assistant music teacher at an elementary school. Then there’s another opportunity to work at one of those public music academy type places, where I could teach guitar or piano. Overall, I think I’d like to try teaching music rather than pursuing getting scouted. But at the same time, some singing on the side would be fun. Maybe Jeonghan and I could make a collaboration channel for Youtube and do some covers sometime.”

“I know you basically just admitted to me at the start of this conversation that you had no definite plan, but for someone with no aforementioned plans, you seem to have a lot of ideas at least.” Vernon joked around lightly with a grin, causing Joshua to glance over at him for a second with a slight roll of the eyes. He was starting to do that more and more now that Jeonghan was back in the picture and they were rubbing off on each other all over again. “Either way, talking about all of this stuff now makes me feel damn lucky that I have a whole three years left to hang around and figure my shit out before the final year. I mean, not to be completely horrible and emotional but I think I met my literal platonic soulmate already. Dating him just happened to be an unexpected, and a somewhat unwanted bonus but we’re both happy that things turned out this way. It’s very relieving but also sometimes it just freaks me out though. To know that we’re both only twenty years old and we have so much time left to figure shit out together, you know?”

“In terms of your so called ‘figuring shit out’ and deciding that I wanted Jeonghan to be part of everything, I do think that you have it much more lucky than us. We met at twenty-three, the final year of university, right when everything is reaching an end and therefore we were kind forced to make a big decision like this. We never really got all of those years just to enjoy the carefree bliss of dating.” Joshua realized after quite a long period of thought that was brought on by Vernon’s own comments. “Before you have to start worrying about graduation, or getting jobs, or figuring out which country you’ll end up living in, you should enjoy the free time that you do have together. Go on dates as much as you can. Take Seungkwan to all of the little cute cafes that he wants to go to. Hold his hand more often in public. Just whatever else you can do together. These carefree days of innocently dating won’t last forever.”

There was something almost distant in the older male’s eyes, to the point where Vernon wasn’t exactly sure if he had been talking directly only to him or not. He was usually able to read Joshua quite well. If his assumptions were correct, it seemed like his friend had not only been giving him some valuable advice but speaking on behalf of his own past regrets as well. In a way, maybe informing Vernon about the things he’d wish he had done more would end up making him value the years of his youth much more than he currently did. And Vernon would have to admit that it worked.

The whole idea that him and Seungkwan lived such different lives before they met each other seemed suddenly so evident. Once they graduated as well, would they end up going back to their normal lives before they met each other? Seungkwan would stay in Seoul pursuing some career as an entertainer and Vernon would be stripped of his visa and just head back to the boring New York suburbs? All of these swirling thoughts made him feel incredibly uneasy for a moment, to the point where even his stomach felt kind of nauseous for a bit.

But then it hit him.

Joshua’s words weren’t meant as a warning. They didn’t mean that once their remaining three years were up that things would suddenly change. Surely there would be more things to plan out, or to worry over, but that was all a part of the process of growing up. These words meant that if he didn’t fully appreciate his days with Seungkwan now, than maybe they wouldn’t be able to make it through the rough times of change if they weren’t upfront about what they were doing together now. The only thing that could make any of the future’s plan less scary is that they kept their bond as strong as it could be. And that meant Vernon would have to start acknowledging more of his fears about falling for someone from the same gender.

All of this had caused him to lose track in the present reality, trapping him in deep thoughts and analyses of the future and his relationship with Seungkwan and just life in general. And it was all kind of overwhelming and stressful. It was hard to snap out of it, but once his eyes moved to meet with Joshua’s own, then everything seemed to fall back into place. Something about Joshua’s calm and collected demeanor had stopped him from all of his overthinking and warmed him up with nothing but newfound courage.

He had been trying to support Joshua with his own decisions today, but it seemed like Joshua had managed to push him in the right direction as well.

Vernon stood up from his desk suddenly. “That’s it. I’m going to spend summer with Seungkwan in Jeju. I’m going to meet his parents.”

Despite Joshua’s words of encouragement, he was quite surprised by Vernon’s sudden outburst. His head immediately whipped around from his laptop in shock, blinking back a bit confusedly as he watched Vernon packing up his stuff. “You’re going to tell him right now? There’s like 10 minutes of class left and he’s currently in class too… Maybe you should just text him or something?”

Vernon just shook his head back and forth. “That doesn’t seem personal enough. I wanna be there to see his reaction when I tell him.”

Joshua had noticed that several of the other students in the classroom were starting to watch Vernon go about this sudden determination, glancing in his direction with curious eyes about what he was doing or what the two foreign boys were talking about in English this whole time in order to get him so riled up. Even though he was nearly certain no one would be able to understand, Joshua changed his voice to a whisper to avoid bringing more attention in their direction. “And how exactly are you even going to convince the professor to let you leave early?”

“I’m going to say that there’s a book we need to check out at the library. If he asks why I’m taking my stuff, then I’ll say that I’m taking it in case it takes awhile to find and the bell might ring by then. Good excuse, huh?” Vernon grinned toothily as he slung his backpack over his shoulder. “Cover for me, alright?”

The elder male was only left to let out a light sigh of relief as Vernon made his way out of the classroom without any problems, yet an affectionate smile formed on his features as he turned back to finish up presentation.

. . . . .

  
When Vernon had actually made his way to Seungkwan’s classroom, which he had remembered from accidentally running into the aforementioned male there before, the reality that all of this was extremely unlike him started to set in. He was really waiting outside the classroom of someone he was romantically involved with because he wanted to see them that badly. All of this was kind of embarrassing to come to terms with. He was basically whipped for Seungkwan.

Waiting for the male to get out of class was almost like torture although it was only like fifteen minutes. Vernon was left to think about the actual words he wanted to use and all of the combinations to string them together with, but he wasn’t exactly getting anywhere. In reality, he was just getting nervous about saying the wrong thing for no reason really, leaving his heart to already race in anticipation before Seungkwan even showed up.

The end of the period bell finally rang and various students started emptying the classroom he was waiting in front of. It made sense for the ever so sociable Seungkwan to be one of the last students out of the room. Currently he was locked arm in arm with Soonyoung and Seokmin, the whole trio distracted in their own little world and joking about whatever inside joke they shared for today. Vernon wasn’t even sure they’d notice him standing there until Soonyoung seemed to notice him first and break out in an infectious smile.

“Woah, Vernon came to pick you up?” Soonyoung practically yelled out in exclamation from seeing this, only causing Seungkwan to stop his side conversation with Seokmin quite suddenly. As his partner’s eyes locked onto his own and visibly widened in surprise, Vernon might have felt his heart melt for a split second.

Within only a few seconds, Seungkwan found his arms untangled with his own best friends as he made his way over to Vernon instead. “You were waiting for me? What for?” Seungkwan had asked out in still a bit of surprise, smiling up at him as he made his way over to him. Clearly, he was delighted to see him, which happened to make all of Vernon’s nerves from rush over here kind of wash away.

“Just because I wanted to talk to you about something.” Vernon smiled back down at Seungkwan momentarily before tipping his head up in Soonyoung and Seokmin’s direction. “You mind if I borrow him for a second, guys? I promise I won’t take long.”

Soonyoung just shook his head and waved a hand dismissively. “Nah, go ahead and take him for all the time you need.”

“Why don’t you go ahead and take him forever?” Seokmin added with a cheesy grin, which earned a playful bump in the shoulder and a matching snicker from Soonyoung.

“If you two are going to enjoy a nice after school date, then me and Seokkie should end up dating too.” Soonyoung had said quite jokingly, making a show to pull Seomin’s arm closer to wind around his own. “I need to get in on some romance of my own.”

Seokmin seemed to be into this peculiar display of acting as well, starting to put on an old grandfather’s voice that Soonyoung was quick to join in with. “Come on, darling. Let’s get away from these youngsters and make some of our own fun.”

“Of course, hubby. Come and sweep me off my feet!” He insisted in an imitation of a grandmother’s voice and then practically skipped away with the taller male in tow. Vernon kind of watched onto this in confusion, while Seungkwan just laughed and shook his head.

“They do that a lot.”

Vernon let out a long sigh, deciding to give up on the reasoning of things and just push it out of his mind. “I know even you and I can get cheesy sometimes, but please, let’s never do that.”

“I can only agree wholeheartedly with that.” Seungkwan admitted with a soft chuckle as he started up at Vernon for a moment, unable to stop himself from smiling as he was still shocked to see him here. “You said you had something to tell me though? You could have just texted me anytime if you really wanted to say something.”

With Seungkwan looking up at him so intently it just made him glance away for a moment, staring down the rest of the hallway in an attempt to distract himself from the way his heart was beginning to race. “I just thought it would be better if I told you in person.” He admitted, biting down on his lip for a moment before getting ready to continue. “You mind if we talk somewhere more quiet?”

Seungkwan just shook his head from side to side. “There’s a pretty quiet staircase over there.” He motioned with one finger. “Not many people use it because it’s kind of hidden.”

“Just lead the way then.” Vernon urged him on with a soft smile, in which Seungkwan started off in the direction of. They were walking, nothing but accompanying each other side by side, just like any other usual day. Occasionally if Vernon was feeling a little more comfortable in public, he’d throw an arm around the male’s shoulders in a way that would still be considered platonic between two close friends. Sometimes they’d even subtly bump their arms into each other’s sides like a secret game of tag that only the two of them knew about. It was certainly childish, similar to how two stubborn kids couldn’t find a way to keep their hands off of each other because they wanted to annoy each other. Except it was more like instead of annoying Seungkwan, he just wanted the other male to know how he was more annoyed with Seungkwan popping up in his head all the time. So that's why he just stubbornly bumped into him sometimes. All on purpose though.

Today was a little bit different though. Just walking by Seungkwan’s side didn’t seem to be enough right now. Not even the subtle bumping of shoulders would be enough to fully cease his craving to reach out for a little more today.

Before he could even think about regretting what he was about to do, Vernon threw all of his worries to the wind as he reached out and found himself holding Seungkwan’s hand tightly within his own. He didn’t stop to gauge the shorter male’s reaction, or pause to see how their hands looked while dangling in the school hallway, but he just kept on walking forward with his head held high. He wouldn’t care about the glances of any of the other students if he didn’t lock eyes with them anyways.

They wordlessly continued down the rest of the hallways that lead to the stairwell but Vernon’s head was filled with spinning thoughts about how in the hell he even got the courage to even do this. But then they were already behind the closed door of the secluded area before he really noticed and Seungkwan’s hand was still firmly held within his own. His own hand was kind of clammy from all of the nerves, but Seungkwan didn’t seem to mind. Or at least he didn’t try to pull away.

Seungkwan found himself leaning against the railing of the staircase, pausing to listen to the floors above and below him for a second to hear for any footsteps around them. Finding it safe from anyone else traveling in the hallways, his hand that was linked within Vernon’s own lightly tugged him closer. “You want to explain something about this?” Seungkwan questioned out with a single raised eyebrow, referring exactly to the fact that they were hand and hand while still on university grounds. “I thought we agreed to take things slow by keeping the public displays of affection off of campus?”

Vernon had to pause for a moment, finding it a bit hard to read the other male’s expression right now. “...Are you mad?”

Seungkwan just found himself letting out a soft laugh, shaking his head. “No, why would I-”

Vernon had gotten enough of the answer that he needed. Taking the chance to interrupt the other male from finishing his sentence, he found himself closing the space between their bodies by connecting their lips together for a kiss. He was a bit forceful in pushing his body against Seungkwan’s own, backing him up against the metal railing of the stairs and kissing him so intently that he was sure he felt the older male let out a silent gasp into his lips. Vernon didn’t even know what was getting into him today, but his knees actually went weak as he let his body fully press against him.

Their hands were still held together on one side. When Seungkwan finally responded somewhat to the kiss by giving his hand a soft squeeze, signaling that he liked this, Vernon was finally able to realize how he kind of assertive he had been to basically back him into a corner and kiss him so roughly. Slightly apologetic at this, his free hand had moved upwards to cup the male’s cheek softly within his palm. He moved to place two gentle kisses to Seungkwan's lips instead, his fingertips ever so gently caressing his skin with utmost care.

As he had started to pull away, his face already madly turning to red from his unexpected bold actions, Vernon let out a shaky sigh as he averted his gaze away. “Sorry. I just…. wanted to.”

Seungkwan was quick to take a hold of his shirt, clutching the fabric tightly between his fingers before Vernon could move away. “No, you don’t have to apologize.” He admitted a bit breathlessly as well, finding himself yet again surprised by Vernon today. “But wow, if that’s what you wanted to tell me then damn, I’m glad you did.”

Vernon found himself looping his arms around Seungkwan’s waist at these words of encouragement, letting out a breathy laugh as he let his still embarrassed and flushing face rest against the male’s shoulder in an attempt to hide. “No, that’s not what I wanted to tell you…” He insisted with the shake of his head, not exactly noticing how the strands hair seemed to tickle against the sensitive skin of Seungkwan’s neck. “I wanted to tell you something important but I got distracted.”

“Hm?” Seungkwan hummed out in questioning, letting one of his arms move around the small of Vernon’s back as he kept his other hand still locked within Vernon’s own. “Go ahead and tell me then.”

Vernon found his eyes slipping shut as he fully tried to relax against the slightly shorter male’s shoulder, still finding the position to be strangely comforting to him despite the height difference that was slightly evidence. “I want to go to Jeju with you.” He drawled out quietly, taking a deep breath as he tried to calm down his still rapidly beating heart from moment before. “I mean, I’m going to Jeju with you.”

Seungkwan found himself blinking a few times in slightly confusion. “You already told me that a few days ago so I kind of already assumed you were going to come.”

“No, I mean I’m really going to go with you.” Vernon had insisted a little more strongly this time. “Tonight when we get back home to our room, I’m going to call my parents and officially ask them if they’ll be able to give me enough money to afford the plane ticket.”

“That’s great, Hansol.” Seungkwan had replied back with an affectionate chuckle as he moved his hand to brush through the strands of the resting boy’s hair. “I’m sorry I can’t exactly show you too much excitement because I kind of already assumed you’d be joining me. But don’t get me wrong, I’m still happy nonetheless.”

Vernon found his eyelids slipping open again as he let out a long sigh against the male’s neck. For a moment he just focused on the way he felt his own heart beating slightly painfully in his chest, enough to the point to make him feel lightheaded as he rested against Seungkwan’s body like this. He was nervous. He was falling so damn hard for Seungkwan already. It made him feel completely weak and helpless like this. Yet if he listened closely enough, he could hear the strong and unwavering heartbeat of the male right from under his place against his chest. He let his eyes slip shut again as he took a deep breath, focusing only on that sound alone as he tried to compose himself. “Seungkwan, I think you don’t know what I’m trying to say…”

“I think I don’t either.” The older male admitted as well, keeping up with the small touches of Vernon’s hair as he switched between lightly petting the locks or twirling the occasional strand around his finger. “Other than the fact that you’re going to Jeju with me, I don’t know what you’re trying to get at… I do know that you’re being quite needy today though. What’s gotten into you, Hansol-ah?”

Seungkwan was trying to be thoughtful enough to read into him like this, but Vernon didn’t even know how to explain himself either. He didn’t know what was getting into him these days. Just Joshua had to go and said something to him that made him run to Seungkwan like this. The words suddenly seemed to shake up his whole world. To go and make him want Seungkwan so much. To need to see him at this exact second. To make him realize what the exact thing he wanted so badly was.  
Vernon found himself moving to wrap on of his arms around Seungkwan neck, only securing himself more tightly against his chest as he kept his head tucked inside the crook of his neck. It was kind of strange like this, how he could somehow hide all of insecurities away from Seungkwan’s gaze yet still be in the place that felt most like home to him at the same time. There was no way he’d be able to look Seungkwan right in the eyes when he was coming to terms with saying what he wanted to say most.

“Seungkwan…” He started off slowly, finding his voice even though it was hard to do so. Surely, it wasn’t the most confident as it could have been but all that mattered was that it would be able to reach him. “Are you mine?”

The older male would have been lying if he didn’t say the question caught him off guard. Vernon himself even noticed the way that the hand that had been distracted with his hair had faltered for a moment, completely pausing in it’s touches to lingering there uncertainly. It didn’t take too long for him to get his answer though. It was already rather certain. “Hansol, we’re already dating exclusively. Wouldn’t that make me yours already?”

Vernon just found himself somewhat stubbornly shaking his head against the male’s chest. “You don’t get it…” He muttered out, finding it a bit frustrating that what he meant still wasn’t obvious enough for the other male to get it even though it seemed clear enough in his own mind. The more he had to explain it in words left more chances for his fears to get the best of him, leaving more opportunities for him to cowardly back out of this conversation again. If he didn’t admit it now, then he wasn’t even sure if he would be able to come back to this anytime soon. “I think I’m....starting to want something more.”

Once again, it took Seungkwan quite a while to respond to this, leaving only painful seconds for Vernon to feel himself lingering on the edge of everything here like this. He had put himself out in the open like this, depending on Seungkwan completely to hold the answer to everything he needed. It was so scary like this. To do everything for the first time. But when he felt Seungkwan’s head lightly tip against his own head to rest there, maybe that was the only thing that saved him from running away from his feelings.

Seungkwan’s lips were positioned rather closely to his ear while their heads were resting against each others like this. He might have paused to place a gentle kiss to the area, but Vernon was far too nervous to listen to his next words to pay too much attention. “How much more do you want?” The male’s voice questioned out in almost a whisper, keeping his words quiet like they were only made for him.

“I want it all, Seungkwan.” He breathed out against him quite shakily. “I just want to be all yours, with you being undoubtedly all mine. You can call it whatever you want, but I just need something more than this.”

The older male’s hand moved to his back this time, lightly tracing down his spine and settling to rest on the small of his back again. As he pressed small soothing patterns against his skin through the light material of shirt, it seemed like he was doing all of this to calm down much of Vernon’s nerves from admitting all of this outloud. “Then let’s be more.” He decided for the both of them with a whisper to Vernon’s ear. As he spoke, it was clear that he had a soft smile growing on his lips. “If you’re ready to take the next step, then let’s take it.”

“Only if you can agree with my next question.” Vernon had mumbled out, still with his face tucked securely within the male’s shoulder. “I want to be your boyfriend now. Can I? I know all of this is still new to me and I’m still nervous to do some things in public... and maybe some things can be only kept between our small group of friends… but I think I can be good to you. Can I make you happy and promise to take care of you to the best of my ability?”

Seungkwan found it much more easy to answer this time, only now letting go of their intertwined hands to wrap his arms around Vernon completely. He clutched him close, so tightly and so securely that Vernon was sure of his answer before he could even hear him speak. “Of course, Hansol. There’s no way that I’d ever be able to say no to an offer as sweet as yours. Now let me see your face.”

Despite his insisting, Vernon let out a tiny whine and only pushed his face into the male’s neck more. “No. I look stupid. And my face is all red and hot.” He said in slight complaint. “Can you just hug me for awhile and wait for me to calm down or something?”

“But knowing you, that will probably be a long time before that happens.” Seungkwan let out a soft laugh, leaning forward to place a few stray kisses on the side of his face that he was able to reach while still hugging him so tightly. “I blame your light complexion for always letting me know when you get shy like this.”

This comment made Vernon instantly pull his face away from the male’s shoulder, trying to face him straight on now. “I’m not shy. I’ve never been shy. Not even once.” He tried to insist seriously even though they both knew that it was a god damn lie. Seungkwan just broke out into giggles and let his arms dangle around Vernon’s neck lazily as he kept him pulled close just to enjoy his company. Shortly after, those arms unwound themselves in favor of moving to cup Vernon’s cheeks within his two hands in order to pull him in for a kiss filled with happiness.

Seungkwan kissed him deeply once, and then a second time and then a third time and then a few more. Vernon didn’t exactly have enough time to count all of the kisses he was being given because eventually that moved to kisses all over his face in various places that he couldn’t keep track of. He was practically being smothered by Seungkwan’s kisses but of course he didn’t mind at all.

“Are you happy?” He managed to ask once Seungkwan eventually had to take a break from all of his affection. The other male was quick to nod eagerly at this question and leaned up on his tiptoes to resume all of the kissing but Vernon was even more quick to grab his chin and pull him into a real kiss. One that would show all of his relief at the answer he received and how thankful he was for Seungkwan to give him a chance like this. He allowed his lips to linger upon Seungkwan’s own for quite a while, humming in contentment at the sweet and familiar taste that had lingered on his lips. It tasted like Seungkwan. His Seungkwan.

Before he could really get into kissing Seungkwan as much as he would have liked to, he was interrupted by his phone ringing loudly in his pocket. Although he silenced the first call, yet another one came in. With his lips still attached to Seungkwan own, he managed to fish his phone out of his pocket and hold up the screen to his face. Almost similar to his own reaction, Seungkwan’s head tipped to the side in shock to see Jihoon’s name lighting up across the screen.

“You should probably answer that…” Seungkwan had said once he pulled his lips only back far enough to speak. “Jihoon’s not usually the type to actually call people on the phone so it might be something important.”

“But I don’t want to.” Vernon almost groaned. “I just want to enjoy my day with you and maybe go out somewhere together.”

“I’m sure there will be enough time for that later. Just answer it and hear him out real quickly, okay?”

Even though Seungkwan assured him that it was fine to go and answer, something about it still made him feel guilty for answering the phone during their moment. He’d still try to take the phone call quickly regardless. Only a second passed before Jihoon’s voice came over the speaker on the phone.

“Come to the recording studio. I need your help with something.”

“Actually I’m-”

Click.

Jihoon was as short and concise as ever, but unfortunately too brief in his phone call to the point where Vernon couldn’t even get a reply back before he hung up. Vernon himself blinked his eyes a few times in surprise from the brevity of all of this, while Seungkwan managed to find it quite funny.

“That’s so like Jihoon, really. How cute.”

Vernon’s eyebrows crinkled together in slight frustration when he tried to call the number back but he was sent straight to the voicemail. He let out the longest sigh, rubbing at his temples. “I don’t even know the context behind what he needs help with, but how can I even tell him that I don’t want to come if he won’t answer? Now he’s expecting me to show up. Why won’t he answer his phone again?”

Seungkwan just patted his shoulder sympathetically. “Just go and help him with whatever he needs. I’m sure it won’t take awhile. Maybe he really needs a small favor or something.”

“But why? Why now? Just minutes after you and I decided something as important as we just did? I swear, we’ve got some of the most badly timed friends that I’ve ever experienced.”

Sensing that Vernon was going to be reluctant to leave, Seungkwan made the first move to start pushing him towards the door out. “Come on, let’s get it over with sooner than later so we can go out for a date late.” He insisted as he started leading Vernon out of the corridor with two hands gripping his shoulders. “Besides, we have all the time in the world for spending time together. And something tells me that I’m pretty sure Jihoon won’t forgive you if you don’t help him out when he needs it… he might hold a grudge against you forever..”

“Nah, that sounds more like Jeonghan-hyung.” Vernon let out a long sigh but he’d start making his way towards the recording studio anyways, even though that definitely wasn’t how he’d wanted to spend his day. He’d try not to let it bother him too much. It distracted him enough to know that he could walk around the school with Seungkwan’s hand in his own. But only the two of them knew the real truth about what was going on between the two of them.

  
. . . . .

As soon as Vernon peeked his head into the door of the recording studio after no one responded to his knocking he was a bit surprised to see Jihoon alone in the room. He had his back turned away, with a large set of headphones on, which would make sense for him not being able to hear Vernon from entering. He tried his best to make his way into the room without startling the older male too much but there was only so much he could do. The male visibly jumped when he was tapped in the shoulder.

“Finally, you’re here. Let’s get started.” Jihoon had slid his headphones off of his ears and left them to lay aside as he motioned for Vernon to take a seat beside him. Before Vernon could even ask what he wanted help with, Jihoon was precise in explaining exactly why he called and all of the details for what he needed. “I’m writing a song for Seungcheol since he’s graduating. He’s still fucked up over the whole Jeonghan thing. Really fucked up. Like he doesn’t want to leave his bed he’s so fucked up. But maybe if I can make this song perfect enough, I’ll be able to lift some emotions. I only have the chorus down, so you’re here to write the rap.”

Vernon barely had time to blink before Jihoon had passed him a sheet of lyrics and some empty papers for him to start his own rap lyrics on. “Um, okay but…. can I do this back at home? I was kind of in the middle of something when you called...”

“Of course, just do it however you need to.” Jihoon waved his hand dismissively. “I’d just like to get things finished in time. It’s obvious why Seungcheol isn’t here, because it’s a gift for him. Eventually all four of you can perform it together, but try to keep things secret until we’re ready to show him the song.”

“And what about Mingyu and Wonwoo?”

“Mingyu isn’t here because he has too much love inside of him. That’s why he’s freakishly tall. He’d probably tell Seungcheol about the surprise as soon as he left the room because his god damn heart is too pure to keep secrets. It’s a shame, really.” Jihoon admitted with a small laugh, spinning around in his chair and focusing his attention back to the computer for a moment. “I was debating on whether or not to ask Wonwoo to write his verse, but we all know he’s got a soft spot for Mingyu. I’m sure actually Mingyu is the only person who can get into him, so any secret of Wonwoo’s is Mingyu’s as well. I know it sounds like I’m dumping a lot of work onto you, but I already have most of the bridges and choruses worked out. I just need a short rap verse for everyone so if you’ve got ideas just spill them onto me.”

“I don’t mind helping and all, especially since it’s going to be a graduation present for Seungcheol-hyung.” He tipped his head to the side, still a bit apprehensive about the workload he had ahead of him. “If I write most of the verses, will I still get a writing credit on the track?”

“Well, of course you would. Why wouldn’t you?”

“Then let’s make a deal.” Vernon decided, spinning around in his swivel chair to face the smaller male with a slightly playful grin on his lips. “I still need a final project for my creative writing class. How about if I finish up all of the lyrics, you’ll let me pass in the song as a final writing piece?”

“That’s all you wanted?” Jihoon laughed to himself a little, slowly shaking his head in disbelief. “Yeah, go ahead and submit the whole song lyrics as you assignment, even my parts too if you need them. I’d swear, you could get a lot more out of extorting me if you really wanted to. I’m that desperate right now to finish this up.”

“Yup, that’s all I wanted to get out of this. So it’s a deal then?” Vernon questioned out with a hand held in the air between them, waiting for Jihoon to shake his hand in response. The older male seemed to find all of this rather amusing but didn’t hesitate to meet Vernon halfway for the deal. Jihoon’s hand moved to shake Vernon’s own with grip so firm that Vernon knew that he probably should never get on his bad side. Even if he was physically quite smaller. Woozi was a force to reckon with.

“Let me play the song for you.” Jihoon had moved on quickly, trying not to waste either of their precious time with side conversations. His rolling chair scooted to the other side of the studio where a keyboard took up most of the space. As his hands positioned above the keys, he stopped momentarily. “Oh, it’s not going to be a piano song but this is just to let you know what I’ve got so far. I’ll email you the instrumental once I finish it up tonight.”

“Alright.” Vernon nodded firmly as he got out a pencil and paper to start taking notes. “What’s the title?”

“Undecided but maybe… Lean on Me?”

“Nice, go ahead.”

And with that, Jihoon’s fingers started moving against the keys of the piano, with the faint and delicate notes of the melody resonating clearly throughout the soundproof walls of the studio. Vernon allowed himself to pay attention with utmost silence as he kept himself concentrated on the male’s voice, already willing his mind to open up to whatever inspiration he could find. Although he only had Jihoon’s lyrics to build off of, as the male repeated the lyrics of the chorus over and over again, it was definitely clear about what kind of song this would be. And who it was clearly wrote for.

“Even though we don’t know  
When our last will be  
Even if something happens  
And we can’t see each other  
Lean on me”


	22. understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vernon and seungkwan spend some quality time together on their first day, wonwoo and mingyu have some advice for vernon, and seungcheol is there to make everything right again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i went over my usual chapter word count by 2k.... (sorry it's really long)  
> this might keep happening while things are winding down in the story  
> we're going to finish up the main story + epilogues for all the characters before 30 chapters.  
> so now would be the time to please let me know if there are any particular storylines or questions you want me to cover before the end! 
> 
> find me @ citruseungkwan on tumblr anytime

Getting that unexpected phone call from Jihoon wasn’t exactly how Vernon wanted to spend the rest of his day. It could have many any other day and any other time that Vernon would have gladly spent the rest of his night in the studio. Whether it was spending long hours drafting up new lyrics, freestyling with the guys, or giving feedback to Woozi’s new beats, he really enjoyed the time he spent with the group and the progress he made towards his new hobby. But as for today, the studio was the last place he wanted to be. As soon as Woozi caught him up to speed with all of the instructions on how to write their next song, Vernon practically booked it out the the campus and found himself to the point of running back to the dorms. 

 

Today was the first day of making things official with Seungkwan. After finishing a full day of classes and some work in the studio, the day was actually almost over but it was still their  _ first _ day. That had to account for something special. Of course Vernon hadn’t been planning to end up confessing to Seungkwan in the staircase earlier, so he didn’t really have much planned for today but simply spending the rest of the evening together would have to do. That’s what left him with excitement and happiness tingling all throughout his body as he rode the final elevator ride to their floor. 

 

After throwing the door open and managing to throw his backpack aside, Vernon immediately threw himself onto Seungkwan’s body without worrying about squashing him too much. The bed would probably lessen somewhat of the impact of his dive bombing anyways. Vernon just kind of jumped onto him and wrapped him up within his arms and hugged him with his whole body.

 

“Hansol, what are you-” Seungkwan had only managed to mumbled out before Vernon made contact and proceeded to give him the biggest hug ever. He let out a small squeak from the strong arms that had wrapped around his waist and pulled him flush against Vernon’s chest, but as soon as Vernon spun him around in the hold to hover over him with a grin, Seungkwan was quick to find his words. “Hansol Vernon Chwe, you better have a good reason for jumping into my bed with your shoes still on.” 

 

As the smaller male was still somewhat surprised and maybe even slightly breathless from Vernon’s sudden attack of affection, Vernon could only smile down at him as he finally had him pinned down exactly where he wanted. “Maybe I just couldn’t wait to see you?” He tried to reasoned out as his head tipped to one side and then the other. “Or maybe I couldn’t remember to take my shoes off because you were the only thing on my mind?” 

 

Just as Vernon craned his neck to swoop down for a kiss, Seungkwan twisted his head sideways at the last second to leave Vernon’s lips brushing against his pillow instead. “Nope, you are getting no sugar from me until those dirty shoes are off of my clean white bed.” Seungkwan had insisted quite seriously, despite the whine that left Vernon’s lips. That would mean he’d currently have to untangle himself from Seungkwan and awkwardly hover over the bed in order to kick off his shoes and them somehow aim them to hit the doorway. But if kisses were on the line, then perhaps he’d have to go through all of the struggle just to do that. 

 

After he finished the command with a stubborn sigh, he looked back down at Seungkwan with a raised eyebrow. “Are you satisfied now?” Seungkwan could only nod a few times before he found himself with a bright smile on his face, finally throwing his arms back open for Vernon to fall back into. 

 

“How was your meeting with Jihoon?” Seungkwan had asked as Vernon focused on snuggling back into his same place from before. “Did he really need help with something or was that just an excuse to get you to come and hang out with the guys?” 

 

Vernon let out a small grumble from where his face was now pressed against Seungkwan’s chest, much similar to how they had been at the staircase before they got interrupted. “It was horrible, he actually needed help with something so I couldn’t leave.” He mumbled out sarcastically. “I felt bad for leaving you. Especially after we had such a good thing going on.” 

 

“You pretty much made my whole week happier just from asking me what you did today. Maybe even my month. I’m not going to mind if you get a little busy with group practice.” Seungkwan had assured him with a soft laugh, his fingers moving to thread through Vernon’s hair as he stared absentmindedly at the ceiling. “I can’t believe I have a boyfriend now. After twenty-one years of hiding in the closet and refusing to date anyone just for the fear of being caught, I can’t believe I have an actual boyfriend.” 

 

“Should I say I can’t believe I’m a boyfriend?” Vernon sat up a bit to talk with him. “Even though I’ve dated in the past, nothing ever lasted than more than a few weeks, maybe a month at most. You know how high school is. Girls move on fast there. I mean, this is the closest thing to a serious relationship I’ve ever had.” 

 

That  just made Seungkwan laugh a little and shake his head. “No, I can’t say that I do know. Didn’t I just say that I haven’t been openly in a relationship ever before?” 

 

“Not even flirting with a girl? Just to try things out on the other side?” 

 

“No, Hansol. Being gay doesn’t work like that.” Seungkwan could only continue to laugh under his breath, finding it a little incredible how all of this was quite hard to understand from Vernon’s perspective. “I think that some girls are very pretty and I like spending time with them but I could never picture myself doing anything more. And it’s been like that since I was a kid so I never really thought about kissing girls either.” 

 

“Hm, interesting…” Vernon bobbed his head up and down in thought a few times in thought as he was learning all about this for the first time. It was kind of funny how he was so close to Seungkwan all along and yet never thought about asking about this stuff before. “But hey, wouldn’t it be most logical to try and kiss a girl just to see if you liked it or not? Like you’ll never know if you never try?” 

 

“Well, have  _ you _ ever thought about kissing a guy just in case you liked it?” 

 

As the question was turned onto himself instead, Vernon felt his cheeks heating up in embarrassment. Yeah, he should have expected something like that after asking such personal questions. Perhaps Seungkwan could see him starting to flush and that was what made the elder try to suppress a laugh.

 

“Okay, not before but yeah- maybe I did do that... but it was only with you!” Vernon was quick to clarify, face burning quite hot now. “But in general, no I don’t think about kissing guys just to try it out. You were a one time only thing. And that took a lot of time to get to that point and a whole lot of mental contemplation to actually think about wanting to kiss you.”  

 

Seungkwan could only smile to himself knowingly from that comment. “Oh, so you were thinking about kissing me before we actually did? I’d love to know all of the details behind this.” It was from this amused look in his eyes alone that Vernon knew there was no easy way getting out of this conversation now. 

 

“Uh…” Vernon pursed his lips as he tried to think of anything else that could save him from the awkwardness of admitting what the process of coming to terms with his feelings for Seungkwan was like. He tried so hard to come up with any excuse or joke to brush it off, but nothing was really coming and Seungkwan was still staring at him so expectantly. He almost didn’t want to let him down with a fake answer so he just blurted it out. “It was a few months. Maybe two. And not just thinking about kissing you. I was actually panicking because I was feeling some sort of way about you.” 

 

“Sorry for making you question yourself so much over me then.” Seungkwan frowned slightly but was still soft in reaching up to stroke Vernon’s cheek. “I really had no idea until you asked to kiss me that night but then after, it was like everything fell into place. I should have known all along, huh?” 

 

“Yeah, that would have saved us a whole lot of time if you made the first move instead of me.” Vernon admitted with a light sigh as the topic was turning more serious now. “You don’t even know how many conversations I had with Jeonghan and Joshua about how to come to terms with things. And I still don’t have things figured out. I really don’t think I’m gay but then again, I clearly do acts of physical affection with you and you’re a guy so… I don’t even know. ” 

 

“You don’t need to figure out anything anytime soon. Just let things happen naturally between us and if you find a label that you think suits you, then you can figure that out later. Or you don’t have to label yourself at all either. Just like what you like.” Seungkwan said supportively as he let his hand move to angle Vernon’s face back to his own, letting their eyes meet again after Vernon had tried to look away. “Don’t stress out about what you are or what you’re not. You like me and I like you. That’s all that really matters to me.” 

 

Vernon tried to smile more at this comment but he still had a few worries lingering in the back of his mind from earlier, back when he was still coming up with how to ask Seungkwan to be his. “I just hope that I won’t become a burden to you someday.” He confessed honestly, tipping his head sideways somewhat to allow his cheek to rest against the other male’s hand. “Sure, I’m fine with calling you my boyfriend but other than around our group of friends here, I’m not sure I can just go around saying that word so easily.” 

 

“You’re not a burden to me, Hansol-ah.” Seungkwan had insisted quite quickly. “I know all of this is still so new to you, and in all honesty, it’s still new to me too. Learning how to date freely in public will probably be a long process for both of us. Even though I’ve known I was gay for what seems like forever, even I’m not too sure about how to take the steps towards coming out completely.” 

 

Vernon could only hum in response as he understood what Seungkwan was getting at. He knew exactly what the other male was thinking and the fact that their thoughts toward all of this was similar soothed his nerves much more than he could really find words for. Maybe he was just overthinking and worrying too much about things that didn’t have to be so complicated at all. As his own hand settled on top of Seungkwan’s own, he let out a deep breath that he was holding in an attempt to let all of his apprehensions about being a good enough boyfriend fade away. 

 

“Although we’re worried about slightly different things, I’m glad you can still understand my mind like this.” Vernon admitted sincerely, finally starting to get his smile back after all those moments wasted with worrying. “I guess the best option is to take things slow and deal with things as they come, huh?” 

 

“You’re right. All you should be worrying about is finishing up with the semester and flying yourself down to Jeju and then you’re all set.” The blond male had said with a soft laugh and a kiss to the tip of Vernon’s nose. “You know, I should probably mention something. My parents don’t exactly know that I’m into guys either so… I guess you don’t have to worry about impressing them as my new boyfriend?” 

 

Vernon just raised a slightly confused eyebrow up at him. “You’re telling me that you invited me to spend the whole summer with you, practically living in the same room with you, and you expect absolutely nothing that resembles dating to happen between us? That sounds like a horrible idea, Seungkwan. I thought you were better at planning than this.” 

 

Seungkwan just smiled cheekily at him and tried to shrug his shoulders under Vernon’s weight. “What can I say? Rather than spending a whole three months without you, I’d much rather take the risk.” Despite this somewhat sweet comment making the corners of Vernon’s lips tip upwards in a slight smile, he could tell that he wasn’t all too convinced yet. Seungkwan just rolled his eyes dismissively. “Okay, so both of my noonas know about my orientation. They’ve known for years now so you don’t have to worry about stepping over any boundaries with them. Jeju is actually kind of small. Word would get around too fast if I was suddenly out and very gay in public. Maybe that’s why I never decided to come out in high school… Besides even if I was straight, I probably wouldn’t tell my parents about my relationships anyways. They’re usually busy working so I’m nearly absolutely sure they’re not going to notice anything going on between us.” 

 

“So I’m going into the introductions as Vernon, the roommate and best friend?” He paused to clarify for a second, earning an eager nod from Seungkwan before continuing on. “I really don’t mind if your sisters know about what we have going on if they’re as accepting as you say they are… but meeting your parents as someone who’s dating you is a big step that I’m not so ready for.” 

 

“Well, I’m clearly not ready for that either so that makes for the two of us.” Seungkwan started out slowly, toying with his lower lip between his lip as he paused in contemplation for a bit, his eyes distractedly moving from the ceiling and to the wall and then all over the room. “I’m not really sure if you’re going to like what I have to say next, so be prepared. This is your final warning.” 

 

Vernon just froze. “.... Your sisters know about us already, huh?” 

 

“How did you know that?” Seungkwan let out a small gasp, turning his head to face Vernon quickly in surprise. 

 

Vernon could only let out a sigh as he dropped his head down onto the male’s shirt. “Seungkwan, you’re so easy to read. You’re like an open book. I can practically predict what you’re going to say every time you get that kind of glint in your eyes.” 

 

“What glint?” Seungkwan blinked a few times in confusion. “I don’t have a glint.” 

 

“Anyways, I don’t really care if your sisters know. But what exactly did you tell them about me? I better be prepared with all of the details before I actually show up.” 

 

“It really wasn’t too much…” Seungkwan tried to assure him, but Vernon was quite skeptical of that. “Well, when we first became roommates they had a bunch of questions about who my new roommate was, since the last guy turned out to be a total asshole. I might have sent them a link to your instagram just to give them a general idea… you know, they’re my older sisters so naturally they’re very protective of me.”

 

“Yeah, I can get that.” Vernon responded with a soft chuckle at his reasoning. “If Sofia was allowed to follow my social accounts, I bet she would have cyber stalked you too.” 

 

Seungkwan paused his story for that comment, only allowing his eyes to roll slightly. “It wasn’t stalking per se...  it was just a little research.” He made sure to insist before continuing on. “Anyways, they mentioned that you were handsome and that I was pretty lucky for getting to room with such an attractive guy, then they asked if I happened to agree…” 

 

“You told them yes, didn’t you?” 

 

Vernon watched on as Seungkwan tried to avoid his eyes instead, the apples of his cheeks already visibly flushing slightly despite his tanned skin. “Um, moving on…” 

 

“Oh, no you don’t.” Vernon had insisted with a playful smile, moving his fingers to grab the tip of the older male’s chin to prevent him from looking anywhere else. “You said yes, didn’t you?” 

 

His actions only caused the male to let out a small huff at the inability to get out of this conversation, now stubbornly puffing up the cheeks that were still flushing from seconds ago. “I might have. But hey, what’s wrong with telling the truth? In all honesty, when I thought you were completely straight and not interested in me that way at all, I never even thought about you in that way… but you were good looking enough that if you were down, I was gonna be down for you too.” 

 

Vernon’s mind went blank. “...Are you trying to tell me that if I was trying to hook up, you would have been down with it too?” 

 

“Let’s just say that even if we weren’t dating and you still wanted to experiment around with things a bit, I can say that I would have been a very willing participant.” 

 

As Seungkwan was just blinking up at him innocently and the meaning behind his words fully sunk in, Vernon felt something in the bottom of his stomach start to stir at those implications. The fingertip and thumb that he used to angle the male’s face toward his own was used again to keep him in place as Vernon brought his own lips down for a deep kiss. The smaller male swallowed a sharp intake of breath from the sudden actions, his eyelids still lingering open after Vernon had made contact and let out a low sigh into his mouth. 

 

“You should have told me a long time ago.” Vernon had spoken up with a low chuckle against the soft lips that were still touching his own. “You have no idea how much easier things would have been.” 

 

With a small pout on his own lips, Seungkwan turned his head to the side so he could continue talking. “How would I be able to say something like that to you without scaring you away? And there you go, trying to kiss me without letting me finish my story from earlier? Not so subtle at all, Hansol-ah.”

 

“I’m innocent, it was an honest distraction.” 

 

“I’m sure it was.” Seungkwan replied back with slight sarcasm before continuing on. “Anyways, I told my noonas that yes, in my opinion you are very handsome. Then over all of these months they continuously teased me about seeing the group pictures that we’re tagged in. Especially of those where I’m really close to you or looking at you in some particular way. I tried to convince them that you were definitely not interested in me, but then we kissed and I kind of…. told them that I guess we had something going on now?” 

 

As Seungkwan admitted all of this with slight caution, watching his reaction carefully to gauge whether or not he’d react badly or not to this information, Vernon just found himself smiling softly and shrugging. Seungkwan really shouldn’t have to worry about his reaction. If he felt confident enough to tell his sisters and trust them with his secret, then Vernon should feel secure in his decision too. 

 

“I don’t mind that they know. I mean, I’d say about all of our friends on campus know about us as well so… I guess this is the next step?” Vernon questioned out figuratively, even though there was no set of rules that even existed to make either of their coming out processes easier. “Either way, I don’t care if you mention that we’re now officially dating before I go to meet them either. I bet that would save us from any more awkward questions if they already know what to expect.” 

 

“You’re really fine with me telling them though?” Seungkwan was slightly second guessing just to make sure. “I’m sure you’ll like them a lot once you meet them. Mom even says we’re all kind of similar too. Maybe it will be like meeting triplets.” 

 

“You can talk about me all you want and to anyone that's close. If you trust them enough, then I’ll trust them too. Just talking to any parents about what’s going on between us isn’t something I’d like to happen anytime soon though so let’s try to avoid that.” 

 

Seungkwan had nodded quickly in response. “Amen to that. I’d like to avoid that for as long as I can too.” Almost distractedly his hand moved upwards to smooth Vernon’s hair back, clearing his bangs away from his forehead momentarily before something popped into his mind. “Oh, so did you confirm Jeju with your parents while you were gone? You were right about to call them before Jihoon called instead.” 

 

“I completely forgot!” Vernon quickly got up from where he had been laying on Seungkwan’s body in an attempt to figure out where his phone had ended up drifting off to during their cuddling time. It really didn’t have to be such a time sensitive thing but the more they actually talked about the plans, the more Vernon wanted to get their permission before Seungkwan got his hopes held too high if things fell through. And maybe, just maybe if he could call right now, he’d be able to catch one of his parents before they left for work. 

 

Seungkwan pulled the item that Vernon was so desperately searching for out from under himself with a grin. “Looking for this?” 

 

“Thanks, Boo.” He responded with a thankful kiss to the awaiting blond’s cheek before sitting up straight and finally inputting his home phone number. Seungkwan was quick to scoot by his side and lean his ear closer to the phone that was currently only stuck at a dial tone. All of the extra time that it took for the call to go through internationally only left more time for Vernon to silently pray that someone would actually pick up. 

 

_ “Why are you calling? Did you run out of money or something? Me and dad made a bet that you’d finally call once you wanted more money.”  _

 

Vernon’s prayers were answered, but not by one of his parents picking up the phone. The person who had answered was none other than Sofia, his younger sister who should be getting ready for school this morning instead of answering phones. 

 

“Um, ouch?” Vernon naturally responded back in English since that was what his sister started off with. “Should I say that I’m slightly offended by your assumptions of how shallow you think I am? Or should I say you’re smart because you’re actually half correct? Either way, I kakaotalk mom and dad all the time so that counts for still being a good son and keeping in contact.” 

 

_ “Well, you never send me any messages or calls so I just assumed you were dead or something.”  _

 

He heard his sister laugh over the receiver, sensing that she was clearly joking by all of his but Vernon found himself rolling his eyes anyways. “That’s all very nice of you to say, but nah, I’m not dead. I’ve just been busy with school and stuff. Plus adapting back to Korea is always hard…” He was already in the middle of trailing off into the conversation when he happened to notice Seungkwan’s eyebrows slightly furrowed together in concentration. He only really realized now that Seungkwan had no idea what he was probably saying. Sometimes he forgot how the words that came so easily to him were a complete mystery to the other male. “Oh, can we switch the language into Korean? My roommate is next to me and he’s always been kind of curious about getting to meet you guys someday.” 

 

_ “Which roommate? Is he hot? Wait- is it the blond one?”  _

 

She managed to ask this part in all English, which Vernon was greatly and truly thankful for. Seungkwan wouldn’t be able to pick up it. “No Sof- he’s my roommate why.. why would I say that he-” Vernon started to stutter out before he simply gave up with the shake of his head. “Yes, he is the blond one but he um….doesn’t play for your side of the team if you get what I mean?”  

 

_ “He likes boys? Damn, you’re lucky then, Vern. Go and take one for the team yourself then.” _

 

“Um, moving on…” Vernon cleared his throat before changing the language to Korean in order to include his aforementioned roommate into the conversation. “I was thinking of spending the summer in Jeju with Seungkwan. Is mom or dad home? I need to talk to one of them about it.” 

 

_ “If I give the phone to one of them, can I go to Jeju too?”  _

 

Vernon exchanged glances with Seungkwan, who looked all too eager at her questioning and raised a silent thumbs up in approval towards this. He responded back with a skeptical raising of an eyebrow before turning back to the conversation. “We’ll see but I highly doubt it. Your Korean is even worse than mine.” 

 

“ _ You’re no fun at all _ .” He heard her huff behind the phone receiver. “ _ Anyways, I’m going to pass the phone over to mom now. Try to talk her into letting me go with you, alright?” _

 

He was quick to let out a mumbled “yeah” in response, but he really didn’t have any intentions of doing so. It was just another empty promise of being an older brother. If his whole family was going to fly out and visit him for summer break, he’d be fine with letting all of them tag along to Jeju for vacation. But only being stuck with his little sister? That would only interfere with his precious time that was supposed to be spent on Seungkwan instead. 

 

Suddenly his attention shifted when Seungkwan cupped his hands around his lips as he leaned in to whisper. “Hey, can I say hi to your mom?” 

 

“Sure, go ahead.” Vernon responded back with a small laugh, finding it amusing how Seungkwan was practically at the edge of his seat and ready to speak up. “She doesn’t speak much Korean though, so you’re going to have to pull out your best English.” 

 

“I English so very well.” Seungkwan insisted dramatically with a hand placed over his heart. “Plus, I’ve picked up on a lot from your influence alone so it should be a judgement on your ability to teach me, rather than my skill alone.” 

 

Vernon barely had enough time to reach over and rufffle the male’s hair affectionately before his mother’s voice rang out over the receiver. 

 

_ “Vernon? Is that really you? I can’t believe you’re actually calling me in person instead of sending a message.”  _

 

Hearing his mother’s voice was automatically enough to make Vernon smile to himself. Sometimes it was hard to keep in touch with everyone when he was still settling into his new life in Korea, and only now was he realizing that he was starting to miss them. Even though his mother was laughing softly about his lack of calls, Vernon made note to start calling them more often. “Hey, mom. It’s been awhile, huh?” He had responded back with a lighthearted chuckle, although he was starting to feel somewhat homesick inside. “I know I’m kinda calling out of the blue but I think I’d like to introduce you to someone real quick before I continue on.”

 

“ _ Hm? Who are you referring to _ ?” 

 

Vernon turned to his partner beside him with an eager smile, holding up the phone for him to speak. Seungkwan leaned forward to say something but backed out at the last minute, shaking his head vehemently. “No, I’m too nervous… I forgot everything I had planned in my mind as soon as I heard the English.” 

 

The words that left Seungkwan’s lips were filled with self doubt and that alone. Rather than being too nervous to speak in English, Vernon guessed that most of his worries were really about living up to whatever expectations his mother had. Which, in Vernon’s opinion, his mom was probably one of the most understanding and chill moms out there. He honestly had no reason to worry at all. 

 

“Go ahead, I’ll help you out.” Vernon had whispered closely to his ear in Korean so that the conversation would still be kept private enough to soothe his worries. If the male was still slightly hesitant in speaking up though, Vernon eased a gentle kiss onto his lips in order to fully convince him that everything was going to be fine before continuing on. “Hey mom, do you remember me telling you about my roommate before?” 

 

_ “You’ve told me about your roommate but I’ve never put a face to his name. Sofia shows me some of your pictures online sometimes. Maybe I’ve seen him in a group shot before?” _

 

“Yeah, he’s the blond one. You can’t miss him.” Vernon responded back with a snicker, finding this to be a common theme in conversations today. “Well, either way, his name is Seungkwan and he’d really like to finally meet you. He doesn’t speak much English so I’ll help him out a bit.” 

 

After hearing anticipated words from Vernon’s mother, Seungkwan still quite hesitantly leaned over Vernon’s lap in order to speak into the phone. “Hi, my name is Seungkwan Boo…. uh, I’m….twenty one years old….” He paused for a while to sound out the difficult consonants on his lips before continuing on. “I’m singing major….and I’m from Jeju. Nice to meet you?” 

 

Although Seungkwan’s last statement sounded much more like a question than a statement, Vernon was still completely proud of him to say the least. As Seungkwan’s eyes moved to up to meet his own, nervous to check if he was correct in speaking or not, Vernon just wanted to throw himself at the smaller boy and kiss him so hard until he fully felt how proud he actually was. Of course he didn’t do that though. He just ended up beaming at Seungkwan’s and settled for throwing an arm around his shoulders. 

 

_ “It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Seungkwan _ .” She had responded back in what basic Korean she knew, then switched back into English for Vernon to translate over. “I’m glad to know that you guys are getting along so well.” 

 

Seungkwan was fully amazed at hearing her Korean for a split second, to the point where his mouth hung open in a tiny little circle, but he quickly started thinking in English again to form his next sentence. “In the summer... Hansol and I….can go to Jeju?” He tried to ask out quite adorably, even to the point of tipping his head to the side in thought. 

 

Vernon couldn’t stop himself as he only clutched Seungkwan closer to his body before taking over the phone to explain fully. “Mom, Seungkwan was wondering if I can spend the summer break in Jeju with him. He invited me to stay at his house instead of having to stay at any hotel so I think you won’t have to worry about paying for anything other than the plane tickets and some food money.” 

 

_ “Hm… I don’t see why not. Your grades are much better this semester than they ever were in high school. I think you deserve a little vacation time. We should be able to afford it but I’ll let you know after I clear it with your father.”  _

 

“So that’s… pretty much a yes?” Vernon found himself checking just to make sure. Seungkwan slowly leaned closer to the phone. Yes was a word that he could clearly understand and get excited over. 

 

“ _ As for now, I think it’s looking like a yes. _ ” 

 

Vernon’s mother could only laugh softly as Vernon and Seungkwan frantically managed to thank her a million times for actually saying yes. Then Vernon made sure to assure her that he’d stop being such an unreliable son and manage to call her more often once exams were over. Also he’d make sure to call his father sometime later in the day. Trying to convince him was the last step of the plan, but talking to his sister and his mother sort of made him miss his father too. 

 

Once the phone call finished and Vernon and Seungkwan were left in their own little world again, he practically threw his phone across the room to land safely on his bed before tackling the elder into his arms all over again. “We’re going to Jeju, Seungkwan!” He exclaimed out to an equally excited Seungkwan who was all too willing to roll around in the bed along with him like two overly enthusiastic children. The happy news that they had been waiting for simply made them giddy for some reason. So they took the chance to pepper kisses all over each other’s faces and let their hands get distracted with tickling each other to the point of breathless laughter.

 

If they were already this happy now, then maybe Jeju would actually be like paradise. 

  
  


……

  
  


A few days later, the whole hip hop group (minus Seungcheol) made plans to meet up in the studio for recording. Unlike usual, Vernon had found himself running late for today’s meeting due to getting a little sidetracked talking to Seungkwan in the hallway. Then they got a little more sidetracked after Seungkwan had decided to walk him in the direction of the studio. More distractions occurred once they tried to say goodbye to each other with a simple hug, but there wasn’t really anyone around and then it turned into some kissing. Then the next thing he knew, he was being pulled by his collar into an empty classroom and some kissing turned into a lot of kissing and somehow his tongue found it’s way into Seungkwan’s mouth and things got blurry from there. It was a pretty good reason for being late. 

 

Woozi seemed to be quite preoccupied with work on his PC, so Vernon silently slipped into the room unnoticed to plop down next to Mingyu and Wonwoo onto the couch. As soon as he let his body sink into the comfortable leather couch, Mingyu raised his head off of Wonwoo’s shoulder and turned to him with a knowing grin. “Someone looks pretty damn happy today. What’s with the good mood?” 

 

“What, I can’t be happy for no reason?” Vernon raised an eyebrow as he let out a laugh, yet subconsciously he glanced down at his clothes in case there was an excess of wrinkles he’d forgotten to smooth out. “There’s plenty of things to be happy about these days.” 

 

Wonwoo still seemed a bit tired as he kept his head against Mingyu’s shoulder but clearly something had peaked his interest. “This smile is different though. It’s like you can’t wipe that grin off of your face for even one second.” 

 

Vernon took a second to try and think of any other excuse but it was no use lying to the guys. They’d be able to see right through him no matter how hard he tried. “Well, there is some new developments that I might be pretty happy about…” He just kept grinning to himself as his head tip to the side in thought, noting how the more he dragged on, the more Mingyu was practically about to lose it. “I might have managed to ask Seungkwan to be mine and I might have a boyfriend now..” 

 

Wonwoo’s excited words of congratulations were nearly left unheard by the sound of Mingyu clapping much more than what was necessary, but it made Vernon happy to see his overreaction nonetheless. Within a second, Mingyu had brought him into a tight hug and pat him a few times on the back. “Wow, I can’t believe it’s finally official!” He cheered him on supportively. “I know how badly you wanted this, so congrats bro.” 

 

Vernon let his arms wrap around to hug back, somewhat letting the larger male sway their bodies back and forth despite still sitting down. “I guess that could explain for what I’m happy about, huh? But anyways, we’re really happy together so things are going good for us.” 

 

As Mingyu moved to release Vernon from his tight embrace, he happened to notice something quite interesting. His fingers instantly moved to brush a few locks of hair away from Vernon’s nape, letting out a rather loud gasp as soon as he noticed a visible red spot forming right under his earlobe. “Damn, things  _ must _ be going good!” He said with slightly widened eyes, lightly poking at the skin in curiosity. “You just let Seungkwan give you a hickey in the hallway!” 

 

Vernon’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head at Mingyu’s exclamation. “What? Where? Are you kidding me? I don’t even remember-” 

 

There was a flash of a camera taking a picture and Wonwoo just chuckled under his breath as he revealed the photo. “Honestly, it’s only a little red but you might want to ice it before it turns purple tomorrow.” 

 

“Can you guys be quiet for just a second?” Jihoon brought himself into the conversation with a yell over his shoulder, the unexpected noise causing the other three boys to jump slightly. They all kind of sat there in silence until he turned back to his work and started mumbling under his breath. “All of that romance shit is a waste of time… you could be talking about so many other vital things…” 

 

Mingyu rolled his eyes around to dismiss the comment, before looking at Vernon slightly apologetically. “Jihoon’s a bit aggravated today. Sorry, I really should have warned you before you came.” He managed to whisper out in a tone that was most suitable for Jihoon’s concentration levels. “We’re a little behind in the song process because his computer keeps freezing and he’s stressing out about finishing up before the graduation ceremony.” 

 

Vernon noted that Wonwoo didn’t seem to mind the interruption too much either, almost like it was something they were used to. The eldest male leaned back against the couch with a long sigh. “That’s the only negative thing about Jihoon’s genius compositions. He’s a complete and utter perfectionist.” He commented casually before turning back to Vernon with a soft smile. “But hey, about you and Seungkwan. Are you openly out as being each other’s significant others or is it more like a private thing we should keep to ourselves?” 

 

As Wonwoo’s question stirred up a bit of unresolved thoughts in Vernon’s mind, he bit his lip as he tipped his head to the side in contemplation. “As for now, it’s something that I’d like for you guys to keep to our friend group for now…” He started off, glancing over at Mingyu for a nod of understanding since he was much more likely than Wonwoo to accidentally spread the information around. But at the same time, maybe Mingyu would have been more understanding in this situation anyways. After all, wasn’t he in the same position before with Wonwoo?

 

Mingyu just smiled down at him and let his hand rest on his shoulder. “Even though I’m very excited for you two, I’ll definitely try to keep this as a secret. I promise no celebratory parties until I get full permission from you both!” 

 

His comment brought a smile to Vernon’s lips, lightly suppressing a chuckle before his mind started wandering again. He was almost contemplating asking them for advice about their own situation, since there were a few similarities between them. Vernon felt slightly awkward to ask something so personal though, especially since they weren’t so open about their relationship. They were barely physical with each other even in front of their small group of friends. That’s what gave Vernon quite a bit of apprehension towards openly asking how Mingyu ended up dating Wonwoo despite being straight. 

 

Before he could get too lost in his head and start overthinking things, Wonwoo spoke up as well. “Hey, I know that it’s not too fun to think about all of the self identifying processes behind these things, especially that you and Seungkwan are so happy with each other and in the honeymoon phase of things… but if you ever need to talk about coming out in public, I’ll always be there to listen.” 

 

The considerate words coming from his hyung lessened some of his worries about overstepping boundaries with his questions. Vernon let out one last sigh to shake away all of his apprehensions before turning to Mingyu and asking outright. “I don’t know the whole story about how you two ended up together but from what I’ve heard, you originally identified as straight too?” 

 

Almost like the personal question didn’t seem to phase him at all, Mingyu just nodded to confirm the fact. “Yeah, I would say that. I think I do still identify as mostly straight, but somehow Wonwoo managed to sneak in and steal my heart.” The taller male admitted as he glanced over to his partner, sharing a gentle smile with him before continuing on. “Me and Wonwoo clearly have feelings for each other, but I don’t refer to him as my boyfriend. I never really liked that word because seemed kind of lacking and shallow to me. So I call him other things instead, like my love.” 

 

“But we’re much more complicated than most people.” Wonwoo started out, leaning over Mingyu’s lap to explain to Vernon more easily. “A lot of people assume that I’m gay because I’m with Mingyu, but that’s not exactly the case. I actually identify as asexual. I don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone really.”

 

As this new information was revealed, Vernon found himself slightly in awe as he had never really considered that about Wonwoo. His lips formed into a tiny circle shape as he nodded a few times in understanding. “Ah, so that means you guys don’t…um, touch and stuff?” 

 

His comment made a small laugh escape from Wonwoo’s lips as Mingyu chuckled along with him, the two of them quick to shake their heads at this. “No, it’s not like that at all.” Wonwoo tried to explain, the corners of his lips still twitching up in amusement at this. “Personally, I don’t like to do acts of skinship in general with people other than Mingyu, but I do show physical affection to him when I’m feeling up for it. It’s just that I’m not sexually attracted to him. Rather than focusing on the fact that he’s a man, or anything about the physical at all, I fell in love with the bond that we share and the way he makes me feel inside.” 

 

Something about the end of Wonwoo’s statement stirred something inside of Vernon. It was almost like something suddenly clicked. “Ah, I think that’s kind of how my feelings towards Seungkwan are.” Vernon pointed out, finding some relief in their shared experiences before he really started taking apart the rest of what he said. “Well, other than the physical aspect because it’s pretty clear that Seungkwan and I can’t keep our hands off each other. I am attracted to him in that way, but it didn’t start because of his looks or anything like that. It’s like what you said, hyung. I’m attracted to our bond and the feelings that I get just from having him by my side. It’s like… the fact that he’s a guy usually doesn’t even pop up into my mind. He’s just...” He had to pause for a moment to try and find the right words. A light smile formed on his lips as he could only think of one way to describe his feelings. “He’s just Seungkwan. My Seungkwan.” 

 

“Hm, it does seem that we fell for the same thing.” Wonwoo replied after a moment of thought, still keeping his finger on his chin as he tried to reason with things more. “I’m not trying to force any labels onto you, but you might actually be leaning more towards pansexual than bisexual though. You know, how you can be attracted to people despite what their gender or orientation is. That might be something you want to look into.” 

 

Mingyu had been a quiet for an unexpected amount of time as he left the two of them to talk. He spoke up again after he cleared his throat a bit awkwardly. “I hate to be the one to ruin some of the excitement around all of this but… have you really thought about what’s going to happen when eventually you have to face the fact that Seungkwan is physically a biological male?” 

 

Vernon blinked at him a few times, not exactly sure what he was getting at. “Well, I know that he’s still a guy but… I don’t really focus on that when we’re together. I just focus on how happy I feel around him.” 

 

If Vernon didn’t understand, then Wonwoo must have picked up on something he didn’t. He was the first to let out a long sigh before pushing his glasses higher up on the bridge of his nose. “I think what Mingyu’s getting at is the fact that you and Seungkwan are very physical with each other and the most logical thing that’s going to happen is that the physical behaviors are going to… er, escalate with time. If you can guess where I’m getting at with this.” 

 

_ Oh _ . Vernon had not been thinking of that meaning behind Mingyu’s words. It caught him off guard much more than he would have expected, his eyes visibly widening for a second before he shook his head quickly. “Um, yeah. I get it. But no.” He struggled to admit out loud, finding all of this kind of embarrassing to confess to his friends. “I mean, we don’t. Yet.” 

 

“Nah, don’t sweat it. You don’t really have to force yourself to answer.” Mingyu assured him with the wave of his hand. “Even though Wonwoo and I have a much different situation than you two, I think we have it a bit easier when it comes to deciding what goes down in the… um, metaphorical bedroom?” 

 

Wonwoo let out a hum of agreement at this. “It’s been almost two years for us and we’ve never really had to worry about working up to the process of sleeping together. I’m don’t have urges for that kind of thing at all. I do enjoy kissing sometimes because I know Mingyu likes it, but I don’t even need that most of the time.” 

 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ve thought about it too.” Mingyu admitted completely honestly, crossing his arms over his chest and raising them to shrug carelessly. “Wonwoo isn’t into the idea at all, but he has offered to try things out anyways just because he loves me and all. But I’m still not exactly sure if I’ll be able to take it to the next level without getting scared off. I mean, I wouldn’t know how to do anything because it’s a whole different set of rules and...well, p-parts?” 

 

“I decided that we could have an open relationship. I know that he likes girls very much still, and of course he’s still going to have needs-” 

 

“But I’ve never met with anyone else. Not even once.” Mingyu was fast in interrupting Wonwoo. “Sure, our relationship is different and we have to work around problems that other couples don’t have to deal with, but I don’t wish for anything to change. I don’t want an easier love. I just want Wonwoo and all of the things that make him the way he is.” 

 

Vernon could clearly see the real emotions that were stirring behind Wonwoo’s dark eyes at the sudden confession. Hell, even Vernon was feeling his heart get all warm too. But then something happened to ruin the moment. A loud bang filled the room. A pair of headphones flew across the room and bounced off the soundproof wall. 

 

Before they could even realize what was going on, Jihoon was up from his seat and nearly about to throw his office chair as well. “This stupid shit isn’t even working!” He yelled out as Mingyu was quick to make his way across the room, trying to get the chair out of his hands before he could actually send it flying. “Everytime I try to fucking load the program, it just fucking crashes!” 

 

Wonwoo moved next to make his way over in a rather peaceful manner, seemingly unphased by all of Jihoon’s behavior. “There’s a computer problem? We can power it down for a few minutes and maybe everything will fix itself after a reset.” Wonwoo calmly moved to start fixing things on the PC. “And then if there’s still a problem with the program, I can move into diagnostics…” 

 

“Whatever, just fix that piece of shit right now!” Jihoon was stern with his words as he crossed his arms over his chest, proceeding to pace around the room back and forth within a pattern.“I told my stupid fucking father that these computers aren’t as technologically efficient as they should have been. But what does he do? He goes and purchases them anyway? Wastes more of the school budget on sports? What an absolute fucking mess...” 

 

Vernon had never seen this side of Jihoon before. Sure, he always knew that the elder was serious about his work and got tense under pressure, but he wasn’t expecting a full blown meltdown. In all honesty, he wouldn’t even know what to do if Wonwoo and Mingyu weren’t there to diffuse his temper. He’d be lost without them. 

 

Wonwoo had only managed to reset the power before Jihoon snapped again. “What the fuck is taking so long? We don’t have time for this! We have to finish it before the deadline!” He cursed out and managed kicked a speaker in agitation before Mingyu could make it across the room to stop him.

 

“Jihoon, let’s not…” Mingyu’s tone was soft as he tried to position himself between the shorter boy and the speaker. “I don’t want you getting hurt…” 

 

Jihoon could only peer through his bangs up at the larger male, challenging him with a smirk. “You think this is all a fucking game? If the song doesn’t get finished, it means nothing to you, right? Because it’s not your feelings on the line, nothing fucking matters?” His breath was shaky as he asked all of these questions, his tone getting sharper as he only broke down more. “This isn’t even about you, Mingyu! It’s about Seungcheol, who no one seems to even give a damn about anymore! You’re all so happy for Jeonghan and Josh that no one even cares to check in on how he’s feeling! Just go and let him rot all alone after he graduates! See how you’ll be able to take advantage of his kindness then!” 

 

“Stop, you know it’s not like that...” Mingyu tried to plead with him softly, making the wrong move to try and put a hand on his shoulder. This only made him lash out more. He harshly smacked the male’s hand off of his shoulder. 

 

Wonwoo’s voice was louder than Vernon would have ever expected to hear from him. He hadn’t seen him this angry since the time Jeonghan came back after being marked by one of his clients. “Jihoon, I know you’re angry but that doesn’t give you the right to hurt someone else. I can stay and help with fixing the computer but for the time being, you can keep yourself busy by sitting down and trying to get your anger in check. If you don’t, then I’ll be forced to call someone to take you home.” 

 

Jihoon just laughed to himself bitterly, glancing down at the floor as he let his bangs cascade over his eyes. “Go ahead and fucking call whoever.” He dared them, voice trembling like he was suppressing the urge to cry out loud. “Why don’t you go and call Jeonghan while you’re at it? I’ll gladly explain to him why he’s the fucking problem here! I’ll tell him why he caused this mess! And went and ruined everything!” 

 

Just as quickly as he changed from the Woozi that they knew to someone who burned with fiery anger, then to what resembled a defeated young boy, unable to hold back his tears any longer, the emotions that spread through Jihoon were quite alarming. Vernon had no idea he could hold something like this inside him. Even as Mingyu ushered him over to take a seat beside Vernon on the couch, he had no idea what to do. Jihoon unraveled into himself. Brought his knees to his chest and just let everything out. Stubborn tears of anger and sadness and whatever else he kept hidden inside flowed out freely from his body.

 

Vernon felt frozen, as if anything he tried to help with would only cause another outburst of emotion that he couldn’t control. They all stayed like that in silence. Until a completely breathless Seungcheol came rushing in. Wonwoo must have called him sometime during the breakdown. He was beside his side in an instant. Strong arms wrapped around the smaller male’s form with a familiarity that the rest of the group couldn’t compare to. As soon as Jihoon’s fingers moved to clutch at the material of Seungcheol’s shirt, pulling him ever more closer, the three males that had been watching all seemed to let out collective sighs of relief. 

 

As he protected the smaller male within his arms, Seungcheol smiled over at them with a sad look deep in his eyes, yet he still seemed so gentle and reserved at the same time. “I’ll stay with him.” He assured them, giving them their cue to leave. And Vernon wasn’t exactly sure what to think of all of this. Maybe he’d never fully understand Jihoon and his way with things. Maybe Jihoon himself would never open himself up enough to let them know. But what did matter, was that Seungcheol knew everything. He’d be there to make things right again. 


	23. graduating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vernon spends some time with his friends, discusses plans for the group, and realizes some things at the elder's graduation ceremony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is mostly a group centered chapter, since I really missed having most of the 13 together!   
> thank you all for reading so far and staying with me to the (almost) end!
> 
> you can find me at citruseungkwan @ tumblr anytime

After leaving the studio unexpectedly early due to Jihoon’s eruption, Vernon found himself walking back through the campus building with Mingyu and Wonwoo. He wasn’t going to ask what happened back there. It wasn’t really in his place to do so. But maybe sensing that he didn’t completely understand what was going on, Wonwoo glanced over at him with a slightly apologetic smile. 

 

“Jihoon is going to be fine.” The eldest male said, almost like he still had to convince Vernon of this himself. “He’s always got a lot of stress on him, from the pressure of being the son of the university’s president, to all of the people who keep track of his music and always demand more from him. Sometimes things get to be too much and he just snaps. Much like you’ve seen today.” 

 

Vernon just nodded a few times in understanding. He wouldn’t hold it against him because he knew it wasn’t anything personal. 

 

“It doesn’t happen very often. Maybe two or three times a year.” Mingyu joined in as he fell into place beside Wonwoo. “But still, we’ve known him long enough to know what kind of things make his anger to spike out of control and what we can do to hold him back a bit. He’s been working on managing his anger for awhile now but anyone could snap at the end of the school year. There’s too many damn exams to worry about.” 

 

“It’s interesting though…” Wonwoo drawled out under his breath, continuing to walk as his arms crossed over his chest. “You probably think that we’re part of Jihoon’s closest friend group because he’s known us for years. And we’re also Seungcheol’s roommates so he’s always joining us when we go out… but we’re really not that close. Sure, we hang out sometimes but there’s not much that I really know about the real Jihoon.” 

 

The male’s comment caused Vernon to think about his own relationship with Jihoon as well. “Well, I think I’m no closer to Jihoon than you guys are.” He realized as his head tipped to the side pensively. “Sure, he’s helped with my performances one-on-one sometimes because all of this performing stuff is more new to me, but that doesn’t really mean he’s opened up to me either. I just thought he’s a private person so I never bothered to ask any more questions than I needed to.” 

 

“That’s why we ended up calling Seungcheol. He’s Jihoon’s person.” Mingyu explained with a firm nod. “Somehow he won’t let anyone else in except Seungcheol. He was working on opening up to Jeonghan so much over the past year but I guess he’s pissed at him now so… I don’t think that progress will last.” 

 

Vernon just found his shoulders shrugging upwards carelessly. “From what I heard, I don’t think he’s mad at Jeonghan. Seungcheol isn’t even mad at Jeonghan. It just sounds like he’s hurt that Jeonghan is going to end up leaving both of them behind. Maybe he’s taking his frustrations out on us while he’s coming to terms with the fact he’s going to be gone soon.” 

“Maybe so.” Wonwoo responded back. “Normally I wouldn’t let anyone take out their frustrations on me but I know things are getting complicated for everyone with the end of the semester approaching. People get stressed out when they have to start thinking about the future. Plus, it’s Jihoon we’re talking about here. I know he’s been working hard on suppressing his anger and dealing with his stress so I’ll forgive him for letting things slip out of hand this time.” 

 

Mingyu nodded a few times as his usual contented smile returned. “Yeah, I’m not going to worry about it too much.” He decided resolutely as one of his arms moved to wrap around Vernon’s shoulder, subtly leaning on him as they walked on. “Don’t you worry too much either, Vern. I’m sure that in a day or two, he’ll text you with an apology or something. Don’t sweat it!” 

 

“I just assumed it was something you guys knew how to handle better than me so I stayed out of it.” He admitted honestly, shoving his hands into his pockets with a shrug. “It’s too bad we couldn’t get more work done on the song though. It’s only gonna cause Jihoon more stress now that we’re even more behind schedule.” 

 

Mingyu shook his head quickly. “Nah, don’t worry about the song. I mean, worst case scenario, we can sneak into the studio and finish up everything ourselves but Jihoon usually bounces back from these things quickly. Just give him a day or two and he’ll be back to his usual self.” 

 

Vernon would just have to trust in his hyungs a bit more and take their word for it. After all, it was probably best to give things a little time to let them fix themselves without getting personally involved. He wasn’t exactly the best at dealing with any of his friend’s drama, since he rarely had drama in his own life to deal with. The most he could really be used for was limited to listening. 

 

The sound of Mingyu laughing at something on his phone threw Vernon out of his thoughts for a moment, causing him to glance over in interest. Before he could really make out what the tallest male was watching on his screen, Mingyu was quick to lean over and show him.

 

“Your boy is out at karaoke tonight?” Mingyu asked as he pointed to a video on his phone. Although Vernon couldn’t exactly hear the audio too well, he was able to see Seungkwan on the screen along with Soonyoung and Seokmin, all three of them dramatically belting out some song with animal filters covering their faces. 

 

He tried to bite back his smile from growing too wide. Seungkwan looked too damn cute with that stupid cat filter on his face and Vernon was currently losing the battle against resisting this.

 

“Yeah, he went out with them tonight because we’re both kinda feeling like if we keep spending so much alone time together like this, our friends are gonna start feeling ghosted on.” Vernon responded back with a soft laugh. “Plus we’re going to see each other all summer so it’s not like I need him with me every second.” 

 

Wonwoo laughed softly under his breath. “Thanks for considering not ghosting us then? But either way, it’s the honeymoon stage. Enjoy it while it lasts, my friend. Before you know it, Seungkwan will start bickering when you leave a dirty sock on the floor or start to disagree about what to eat for dinner. That’s when you get too comfortable and turn into married couple.” 

 

“Oh, speaking of dinner-” Mingyu suddenly chimed in, clearly excited about this tangent. “Since we’re not going to record tonight, should we go out instead? Barbeque maybe? Or fried chicken?” 

 

Wonwoo glanced over at Vernon to gauge his reaction on this. He was already probably going to follow whatever plan that Mingyu would, since they would end up going in the same direction home anyways. Hell, even if Vernon said no they’d still probably end up dating solo anyways. It was definitely a fact that he hadn’t really seen any of his other friends besides Seungkwan these days and after realizing this, he was kind of starting to miss everyone. It would be a nice to spend some time together before exams start and they all end up going their separate ways for the summer. 

 

“Yeah, I’m down.” Vernon decided with an eager nod of his head before suggesting what was on his mind. “Why don’t we post something in the group chat and see who else wants to come out? I’m sure at least someone is still on campus for the day...”  

 

Mingyu shot him a little salute and started typing away on his phone. “I’m on it!”

 

**[ memegyu ]** : hi. it is me and won and vern. anyone on campus wanna go out for dinner with us?? 

 

**[ chan ]** : nah.

 

**[ johnghan ]** : depends. 

 

**[ memegyu ]** : on what ?? 

 

**[ johnghan ]** : where ? who is paying ? 

 

**[ june ]** : i’m working right now ! come to my work ! come visit me !

 

**[ johnghan ]** : okay but what is the friends  & family discount 

 

**[ hong ]** : hi, may i go too? 

 

**[ memegyu ]** : of course, josh. why would u even have to ask ? ?

 

**[ call me soon]** : umm , , we already bought 4 hours of karaoke so thats a big NO from us 

 

**[ johnghan ]** : … 

 

**[ johnghan ]** : who in hell buys four hours of karaoke ahead of time...

 

**[ call me seok ]** : US

 

**[ call me seok ]** : AND WE LOVE IT 

 

**[ booboo ]** : hi guys ! i don’t think we’ll be able to make it but next time for sure ! 

 

**[ june ]** : so are you guys gonna come here? please come here !

 

**[ memegyu ]** : yea sure, everyone who wants to come, show up at junhui’s restaurant! 

 

**[ memegyu ]** : it’s chinese food tho, right? please none of that real spicy stuff tho

 

**[ memegyu ]** : vernon almost  _ died _ last time 

 

**[ hao hao]** : no, please. give them the spice. 

 

**[ booboo ]** : literally, that wasn’t even an exaggeration. vernon was an actual tomato for a second. 

 

**[ call me soon]** : aren’t u allergic to tomato boo?

 

**[ booboo ]** : true 

 

**[ call me seok ]** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**[ call me seok ]** : thats ironic

 

**[ johnghan ]** : you’re all in the same room together. just talk to each other there. 

 

**[ hong ]** : i’m on the way now ! see u guys there !

 

**[ june ]** : i’m YELIng i love u all so much

  
  


And with that, all of the boys eventually made their way across the campus and into to the nearest neighborhood that was filled with places to shop and eat. Despite all trying to meet up on campus before hand, it seemed that nothing could really ever be so organized with their group so they all ended up arriving at the restuarant at different times. But as they all started filing into Junhui’s workplace one by one, he was waiting in anticipation at the front of the store to greet them with a tight hug against his stained apron and usher them to their own personal booth in the back. They got loud sometimes and he knew it was best to hide them away from the other customers. 

 

“You guys, this is so exciting!” Junhui gushed as he slid a bunch of appetizers onto their table, ones that he assured to be on the house. “First you visit me at the bar, then at the coffee shop, and now the restaurant? I swear, you make my whole shift better just by showing up.” 

 

Jeonghan flicked his fringe out of his eyes as he looked up at Junhui, watching as the younger moved to serve him a cup of tea. “I would actually do anything for you, Wen Junhui. I adore you. To pieces. And you better not forget that for as long as you live.” 

 

His affectionate comment caused Junhui to let out a small laugh as he moved on to fill the rest of the cups on the table for his friends. “Oh, I know that you do. I would actually make a move to visibly swoon or something but my boss might have a problem with that. It’s kind of strict around here so I can’t exactly fool around.” 

 

“Then just quit already.” Jeonghan said like it was the easiest option. “Minghao is clearly willing to take care of you with that nice inheritance he’s been living on.” 

 

Junhui’s head tipped to the side as looked at Jeonghan quite skeptically. “And what would make you think that?” 

 

“Because he’s in love with you!” Mingyu interjected passionately. “You’re the only one who doesn’t see it!” 

 

Before Junhui could reply with some modest words about why that most likely wasn’t true, and that he and Minghao only looked at each other like brothers or best friends, Jeonghan was quick to raise his hand in the air. “We’re taking a poll. All who think that Minghao has feelings for Junhui, raise your hands high.” 

 

Mingyu was already prepared to raise his hand up in the air alongside Jeonghan, earning a side glance from a rather distracted Wonwoo who managed to raise a free hand up as he sipped on some tea with another. Joshua simply smiled innocently to himself as he also joined in on this. Then all eyes were left to fall upon Vernon, who just found himself shrugging. 

 

“I don’t know about the love part…” He admitted honestly before he found his own hand rising up as well. “But uh, I can say that he does seem pretty down to take care of you more than you are willing to let him.”

 

As Mingyu and Jeonghan shared triumphant smiles of victory and a sharp high-five with each other, Junhui was left to let out a long sigh. “You guys are reading much more into this than I ever have.” 

 

“That is exactly my point here.” Jeonghan emphasized. “It’s unanimous that we all think that Minghao has got something for you. I know you want to be all independent or whatever, but maybe instead of three jobs you could cut it down to one and let him take care of you a little. None of us want to see you continuously work yourself to death.” 

 

“Yeah, think about it like a platonic sugar daddy.” Mingyu suggested a bit more seriously than expected, earning a few dumbfounded looks in his direction. “You guys are already best friends. Let him give you a little sugar ever once in awhile.”

 

Hearing all of this would only make Junhui’s arms cross over his chest, shaking his head with an amused chuckle at all of their unbelievable comments. “By  _ sugar _ , I don’t know whether you’re referring to cash or love but I don’t think things will be changing between me and Minghao anytime soon. You might as well give up on all of your theories about us, guys.” 

 

Jeonghan let out a dramatic sigh as he leaned against Joshua’s shoulder for support. “I will give up for now, only because I love you and I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable… but I still firmly believe that you should date that sweet boy and give him a chance.” 

 

“We’ll see Jeonghan.” Junhui sighed under his breath as he moved to pass some menus around the table. “I’m going to check on the other tables and attempt to look busy. If you’re not sure what to order, just call me over and I’ll come back to help.” And with that, Junhui was off with a wink. 

 

Jeonghan could only let his eyes follow the male make his way across the room, a rather dreamy sigh of his own leaving his lips. “Junhui deserves so much. I feel like he’s too stubborn in his pride to even give Minghao a chance. I just wish I could convince him that someone is basically waiting for adore him and he deserves that.” 

 

The corners of Wonwoo’s lips tipped up in a smile as he sipped from his tea. “I swear, if all of us didn’t know how crazy you are about Jisoo, I would probably be completely convinced that you’re in love with Junhui.” 

 

“Ugh, I know.” Mingyu groaned. “Jeonghan-hyung, you totally pick favorites within the group.”

 

Jeonghan let his eyes roll as the rest of them snickered at this comment. He knew it was true but he was too lazy to bicker back just to be difficult. Next to him, Joshua smiled softly at the male who was still leaning onto his shoulder and leaned back into the booth to make the position more comfortable for the both of them. “Well, I don’t worry about him picking favorites too much. He’s practically moved into my own dorm now and Junhui doesn’t seem to mind at all. They’re actually quite a good pair together.” 

 

“I mean, I was just about to say…” Wonwoo started out slowly, smiling a bit to himself because he thought it was kind of funny. “We’re supposed to live together but I haven’t seen you spend any time at home except for running in to get a change of clothes or something. I guess you’ve been practically living with Joshua instead so that explains the absence.” 

 

From where he had been resting against Josh’s shoulder, Jeonghan’s eyes had slipped open again after a moment of relaxing. “Well, could you blame me? Things are awkward with Cheol. I’m fine with him, but every time we get stuck alone in a room together there’s like something heavy lingering in the air.” 

 

“Then move your bed into our room.” Wonwoo suggested, referring to the one he shared along with Mingyu, who visibly seemed to be not into this idea at all. 

 

“Um… do you think we could not do that?” He was quick to interrupt. “It’s totally going to mess with our relationship dynamic but also there’s the fact that there’s not really any space either…”

 

Wonwoo let out a hum to himself, realizing that space really was going to be an issue. “Hm… I guess I could take your place instead. Then you could room with Mingyu for the remaining time until graduation.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Mingyu’s eyes were left completely wide in shock as he vehemently shook his head in protest. 

 

Watching all of this just made Jeonghan laugh airily to himself, quickly speaking up to cease some of Mingyu’s worrying. “No, you really don’t have to do that. I like to stay at Joshua’s place these days, especially since we wasted so much time with fighting and we’re trying to make up for that. Plus I’ve actually been using the library to prepare for exams. Who would have thought you’d find me there every night?” 

 

Mingyu turned to Joshua with a scrutinizing squint in his eyes. “Who is this and what did you do with my Jeonghan?” 

 

“Not my fault!” He insisted with his palms in the air. “Sometimes he even goes alone and tells me not to come because I accidentally distract him with comics.” 

 

“I don’t know if it’s such a good idea though...” Vernon started to trail off in thought, still not too convinced with everything seeming so right about this situation. “Junhui’s clearly too nice for his own good. Even if he did mind you technically moving in there, you know he would never say anything. That’s what makes me worry. You could say he’s not home much, but if he does come home then those dorm rooms are too small for all three of you to share.” 

 

“I wouldn’t worry at all about that.” Joshua spoke up to clarify things. “I originally worried once I realized Jeonghan was starting to spend most of his nights at my place, but Junhui is always happy to see him. Much more happy then he is to just see me there. One time I was a little late coming home and the two of them were even showering together. If that’s not close enough to be living together, then I don’t know what is.” 

 

Mingyu just shrugged. “It’s normal. He showers with everyone at home except for Wonwoo. But he tried once.” 

 

“Showering is a time to relax.” Jeonghan defended himself, still refusing to move himself from where he was practically laying against Joshua’s shoulder. “What better way to relax than letting a tall person scrub your back instead of trying to stretch around in some impossible way to reach it?” 

 

Junhui marched over to the table with a little notepad in hand, flipping through the pages hurriedly until he found a blank one. “I heard my name a few times from this direction so I’m going to assume that you weren’t just talking about me and actually looked through the menus to order now?”

 

Vernon could only grin up at Junhui who was closest to his side of the booth. “Nope. We never even touched them.” 

 

“Knew it.” Junhui admitted truthfully, already knowing better than to trust members of this friend group on being fully competent to undergo a task. “I’ll just put in an order for some things I recommend and you can all share it together. Now, while I write all of this down, does anyone want to tell me why my name came up in conversation?” 

 

“I heard you showered with Jeonghan.” Mingyu outburst bluntly. Despite dedicatedly writing down a list of orders for his friends, the tips of Junhui’s ears burned red. 

 

Joshua was quick to wave his hand dismissively and save Junhui from some of his inner embarrassment towards the topic. “No, we weren’t discussing that!  It was more like we were talking about Jeonghan practically moving into our room and whether you minded or not. The showering just happened to pop up into conversation.” 

 

Gasping, Mingyu pointed an accusatory finger at him. “You were the one who mentioned it!” 

 

Joshua could only smile smugly to himself, to the point where his smile reached his eyes and made him look so innocent that Junhui probably wouldn’t even care too much that he revealed that information anyways.

 

“Oh.” Junhui cleared his voice slightly to get rid of some of the awkwardness before continuing on in a more serious tone. “Well, anyways, I don’t mind if he stays with us. I’m going to miss you guys once you leave so it’s nice to spend more time together before the end of the semester. You’re both the best roommates I’ve ever had.” 

 

Jeonghan fanned at his eyes with one hand. “I’m literally going to cry. Why would you go and say something like that to me and remind me that the future is all too imminent?” 

 

“Well, if you’re worried about finding a new roommate we might have a solution for you.” Wonwoo turned to Junhui. “Since Jeonghan will be moving out, you can take his place in Seungcheol’s room.” 

 

“Er… me rooming with Seungcheol? I don’t really know him all too well so I’m not sure if it would be a good idea to jump into rooming with someone I barely know.” 

 

Wonwoo nodded along in understanding at this. “Hm, I get how it might be kind of awkward but you know Mingyu and I already so if you get along with us, I’m sure you’ll like Seungcheol as well. After all, we’re like kind of a unit now. Along with Vernon too of course.” 

 

“I’ll keep it in mind but I’m not so sure yet…” Junhui trailed off as he finished writing out the list of food to order for his friends, pausing for a second as if he was contemplating saying what he really wanted to. “I don’t want you guys to get too excited about what I’m going to say next so please don’t get any ideas…”

 

Jeonghan nearly stopped breathing. “If you tell me that you’re going to move in with Minghao, I’m actually going to yell.” 

 

The words caused Junhui to bite on his lip for a moment, hesitating as if he was right in guessing what he was going to say. As Jeonghan’s mouth opened to gasp, Junhui leaned across the table to cover his mouth before he could let out any noise. “Didn’t I just tell you not to get too excited before I explain?” He waited for the elder male to nod in compliance before continuing. “Minghao does have a really nice place and he does live close to campus. I don’t think it’s such a bad idea to consider moving in with him…” 

 

Vernon wholeheartedly agreed with his. He knew all too well how much Minghao doted on Junhui and always tried to watch over him in between his busy schedules. Despite being younger, he’d have to admit that sometimes Junhui could take better care of himself and stop worrying all of the rest of them. It’s not like he’d say all of this out loud so he responded back with a supportive comment instead. “I’d say go for it. Better than living with some random.” 

 

“It’s not like I’m living there for free. I’m still going to pay him rent.” Junhui was quick to clarify, although no one at the table would have even asked. “It was more like a compromise actually. Minghao wanted me to move in with him, and I wanted him to enroll in university instead of hanging around the house all day. We agreed on both terms so he’ll not only be my roommate, but my classmate as well.” 

 

Jeonghan struggled to mumble under the hand that was still clamped over his mouth. “And maybe a boyfriend too.” 

 

“Minghao’s going to school with us?” Vernon asked a bit in disbelief, but still very happy about this possibility. “That’s wild. I can’t imagine him settling down and falling into a daily schedule instead of just walking around to take instagram pics.” 

 

“He only agreed on the terms that he could study fashion design so at least he can still do something he’s interested in. Then someday when he finally has his own fashion line, maybe I’ll start to understand why he needs to take so many damn pictures of himself.” Junhui joked around with a fond laugh, the apples of his cheeks rising up happily at the thought alone as he turned his attention away from the notepad and back to his friends. “I better go and put in the food orders now. Once everything finishes up in the kitchen, I’ll try to take a little break and come back to hang out.” 

 

Once Junhui had scurried back into the kitchen to fulfill the rest of the duties with his job, the boys were left to turn their attention to the appetizers left on the table, now deciding to stuff their faces instead of focusing on gossip. Junhui’s soul was practically too kind for this world. He had left them with so many kinds of dumplings to try, as well as three different types of soups, and even some braised meat to start with before having to wait for the main course. Even though Jeonghan liked to refer to himself as the mother of their friend group, Vernon might have felt that Junhui played the role just as well (or maybe a bit better) than him. 

 

Mingyu had managed to push a whole dumpling into his mouth while still speaking at the same time. “Have you guys decided on when you’re leaving the country?” He asked to the eldest members of the group that shared one side of the table. “You should give us enough time to throw a graduation party or something.” 

 

“I definitely want to do something.” Jeonghan decided with a firm nod. “And I mean actually do something, not just hanging out in the apartment and getting wasted. Chan is graduating as well so I kind of wanted to do something big for him too. Something he’ll always look back on with good memories, you know? That’s what a high school graduation needs. Something important.” 

 

“Well, knowing you…” Wonwoo scoffed amusedly. “I’m sure you already have a whole binder filled with plans and schemes about what you want to do already.” 

 

“Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of ideas. Along with all of the graduations, the fact that Josh and I will be leaving for kind of a long time needs a send off party too. You know, just something where we can make a lot of good memories before we leave for like a year and never see you guys again.” Jeonghan admitted almost bittersweetly, moving a hand upwards to push the short locks of hair away from his face habitually. “Then we have so much other good news to celebrate too. Chan got accepted into our university, and apparently now so has Minghao. Vernon and Seungkwan are happily and officially together and out to us. Joshua got a great job and I’m sure Seungcheol will hear something soon too. I just feels…. right to be together one last time before everything starts changing.” 

 

A somewhat somber mood filled the atmosphere. As much as they didn’t want to think of the future complicating things as they enjoyed their time together like this, things were going to change and they were going to change fast. Their familiar and fun filled days of just carelessly spending everyday together were about to be shaken up. Some friends would leave. Some new friends would surely join in. And as much as they could promise that things wouldn’t change and they’d always feel the same about each other, there wasn’t anything in reality that could keep life from forcibly moving on from what they currently shared in the present. The unpredictability to what would happen was kind of scary  but that’s what made realizing it now so much more precious. Before things changed, they could spend the last of the days leading up to summer making the absolute most of it. To leave behind nothing but memories of their youth to last a lifetime. 

 

Being the first one to break the silence, Mingyu had a brilliant smile on his face as he glanced between everyone at the table. “So what are we waiting for then? Let’s get to planning this thing! You guys don’t have to worry at all, just give all of the details to us and focus on your final exams so you can finally get out of here and go into the real world!” 

 

Jeonghan smiled back at him much more affectionately than Vernon had ever seen him do in the whole history of reacting to Mingyu in the past. He was even slightly more shocked as the elder reached over the table to hold his hand in his own. “We’re not too busy to help plan too. After all, doesn’t that give us even more time to spend together until the last day?” 

 

“But Jeonghan-hyung. I have one thing that I want you to promise me...” Mingyu admitted a bit cautiously, glancing down at the hand that gripped onto his own. 

 

“Hm, go ahead.” 

 

“I want you to make up with Seungcheol-hyung before graduation.” He confessed sincerely, gathering the courage to glance up into the elder’s eyes with complete resolute. “He’s been your best friend for four years. If you don’t walk with him at the graduation ceremony, I think you’ll end up regretting it for the rest of your life.” 

 

The older male’s hand slightly slackened in Mingyu’s grip for a split second, but as soon as the younger noticed he only held on more securely. It was almost as if this was a silent signal that he wouldn’t be able to run away from this anymore. 

 

“I know.” Jeonghan breathed out, the expression on his face appearing to be quite guilty. “I’ve been putting off confronting him on purpose. I’ve just been trying to focus all my attention onto Joshua and take the easier way out by not paying the real problem any attention. Jihoon is pissed with me for running around in circles too, which only pushes me further away from doing anything about it. But... Chan’s graduation is two weeks before our own. We already promised years ago to be there and support him. I’m sure that he’ll still follow through on that promise so that’s where I plan to work everything out.” 

 

“You two are Chan’s best friends.” Wonwoo reminded him. “Even if it’s hard, do it for him. He really looks up to you guys and I’ve personally seen how all this fighting only makes him worried as well. He doesn’t need that before graduation.” 

 

Jeonghan pursed his lips together as he nodded seriously. “I already feel guilty about leaving him too, but now I’m even more guilty about this being dragged out for so long. Especially since there’s going to be a spot I leave behind back at our place… Maybe you guys should let Chan replace me. Maybe it would make him miss me less if he could be around you all like normal.” 

 

Mingyu furrowed his brow. “He lives downstairs from us. I don’t think he’s going to want to move in...” He drawled out quite implausibly, finally earning a laugh from a few members at the table. “And Yoon Jeonghan, are you ridiculous? As much as I don’t want to admit this, you’re really something special. I don’t think there’s a single person on the planet just like you… er- maybe Junhui come close though, huh? But the original point was that no one is simply gonna walk in and suddenly make us forget about you.” 

 

Vernon felt touched by all of their conversations tonight, finding himself unable to hold his own words back as he wasn’t sure if there would be another time like this again. “I’m pretty sure there’s no one who can replace either of you. I mean, who else would I have to call when I’m having a gay crisis? Who else would I have to bicker to about not giving me any attention because they’re too busy reading comic books? And not to mention who else holds the reputation for the most dedicated couple to each other on campus? You guys have been through everything together and you’re still unbreakable and out here chasing dreams. It just gives me hope, you know? I just wish the same for me and Seungkwan.” 

 

“You have to actually stop now.” Jeonghan insisted with a slightly embarrassed laugh as he had to fan at his eyes for real this time and not just for dramatic effect. “I was joking earlier when I said I was going to start crying at the table and now I’m actually getting tears in my eyes. You guys are really too much.” 

 

Joshua leaned over him with a gentle smile as he carefully tried to cup the younger male’s face in his own direction to get a better look at his eyes, already in position and prepared to catch them if they started falling. “You don’t have to fight it. If they’re happy tears then let them fall.” 

 

“I made a promise. No tears until after graduation” Jeonghan squinted his eyes in kind of a comical way as he tried to prevent any actual leakage. “Not my own, but Chan’s. We all know that I’ll be actually bawling my eyes out there.” 

 

Somehow missing out on all of these emotional moments as they were building up, a completely clueless Junhui made his way over to the table while balancing with a big tray of all of their main dishes. Thankfully he had managed to set all of them down onto the table before looking up to realize Jeonghan’s reddening eyes from all the strain it took to hold back the waterworks. 

 

“Oh my god! What happened?” He was quick to clutch onto his shoulders, tugging him closer across the booth for closer inspection. “Did you cry? Who made you cry?

 

“No, I’m just emotional about grad.” He confessed as he looked up at Junhui with a small sniffle and a laugh that might be described as cute. If Vernon ever thought Jeonghan to be cute at least, which probably would leave now as the being only moment he ever thought so. Something about him just seemed so small in this moment. Despite being the oldest, he was finally letting his guard down around them completely for once. 

 

“We were talking about planning something, like a big party or something more interesting before everyone goes off on their summer plans.” Joshua spoke up, trying to explain more about what got Jeonghan to this point of emotion. “He wants to make memories with everyone by doing something special together.” 

 

Junuhi’s eyes instantly lit up at this, as well as his smile that was practically infectious. “Oh, you mean like a big gathering or something?” He turned to the two of them expectantly, ideas already dancing around in his head. “Why don’t we go on a mini trip together! Nothing too far away. We could even stay in Seoul the whole time. Besides, vacations are the best opportunities to make memories with your friends, right?” 

 

It did seem like a pretty good idea in Vernon’s opinion. What better way to celebrate the end of the semester with another trip along with Jeju? All of the boys glanced around the table at each other for equal looks to approval to the idea, and eventually they all turned to Jeonghan last for approving the final decision. After what seemed like a deliberate pause to think the plan completely through, Jeonghan broke out into an overjoyed smile as well. 

 

“It’s perfect, we’re going on a trip together!” 

  
  


. . . . . 

 

The time leading up to everyone’s final exams passed by far too quickly. Despite making plans to meet up everyday and study together, eventually things got too busy and everyone was needed in different places. Or maybe everyone eventually realized that they fool off far too much in the library and it’s more productive to just study alone. Either way, Vernon is all too aware of the passing time as he changes into one of his nicer shirts and dressier pairs of jeans. This semester passed far too quickly and after today, it will be completely over. 

  
  


The majority of his friends meet up in front of the auditorium before the ceremony starts in order to get the closest seats possible. The fact that most of his lazy-ass friends decided to dress up somewhat as well only make today even more real for Vernon. He really finished his first semester abroad without anything stopping him. He never even thought about running away even once. In comparison to last year’s Vernon, he didn’t feel like such a coward anymore. He was going into this summer with a whole new life with a whole new set of people who he genuinely loved and cared about, and he was pretty sure they loved and cared for him just as deeply. 

 

Today might have been a day to be proud for his seniors who were graduating university, but he was secretly even more proud of himself for following through with his own plan to make something new out of his life. The fact that he had found real happiness now only make him fear more about having to lose that happiness someday, but it also gave him something to work towards protecting. Maybe that was his new goal for the future. 

 

The crowd of his friends cheered on nearly deafeningly loud for Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Joshua as they all took their individual turns accepting their diplomas on stage. Somewhere in the middle of their crowd, Vernon was seated next to Seungkwan who watched for their friends with nothing but complete amazement in his eyes. He almost resembled a kid somehow. It seemed like he couldn’t fully believe that those were really his friends up there on stage and doing that. Vernon couldn’t help himself from laughing under his breath. Perhaps it was a similar feeling to the awe that he himself felt while watching Seungkwan on stage too. 

 

It seemed like quite a light-hearted atmosphere today, their group just yelling out embarrassingly loud shouts of praise and dumb jokes about the way their friends looked in their caps and gowns for the majority of the ceremony. The finality of the day only started to kick in as all of the graduates gathered on stage to take their class photo. As Jeonghan approached Seungcheol’s side along with Joshua pulled in tow, it almost seemed like every member of their group held their breath and just watched how they interacted. Seungcheol made the first move to reach for Jeonghan’s left hand, while Joshua already had a hold on his right as they posed for the final picture, all three of them hand in hand with matching smiles of true happiness. 

 

Vernon felt himself exhale a long breath of relief that he had subconsciously been holding. There was an overwhelming release of emotions that washed over the entire group. Things were going to be okay. They weren’t going to be the same as before, but maybe they were going to be replaced by something even better. Only time could tell. 

 

After the principal of the university announced them to officially be graduates of Mugunghwa University, Jeonghan and Seungcheol turned to each other in order to switch their tassels over to the other sides of their caps. Even though his fingers were slightly trembling due to the nerves or excitement or whatever, Seungcheol was quick to assist Jeonghan in changing his tassel. While Jeonghan leaned up on his tip-toes in order to switch Seungcheol’s own, Joshua snuck in between them and tossed Seungcheol’s over with a sneaky grin before he could even be stopped. Jeonghan gasped and moved to punch him in the shoulder, while Seungcheol tried to hide the threatened boy behind his body with a countless series of laughs spilling over his lips. Eventually Jeonghan could only be satisfied after the chance to re-do Seungcheol’s tassel over again and get to change Joshua’s as well. 

 

As all of the people in the crowd clapped and cheered on for their loved ones, Vernon was watching on like a bystander as time seemed to move slowly around him. He was so aware of how fleeting this moment would be and it all seemed kind of surreal to him. Watching his friends on stage interact like this wouldn’t last much longer and he kind of wanted to watch them be so happy together while they still could. 

 

The feeling of weight being dropped onto his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts suddenly. As he turned his head to the side, he was brought to face the soft blond hair of no one other than Seungkwan could possibly possess. The male was hiding his face against his shoulder, clearly getting quite emotional by watching all of this. Seungkwan had formed a strong relationship with Jeonghan lately, to the point where the two of them clearly adored each other and tried to spend as much time together as possible despite busy schedules. He knew it was difficult for Seungkwan to let Jeonghan go, so he found his hand slipping into Seungkwan’s own in an attempt to comfort him. 

 

“It’s okay, babe.” He whispered out soothingly as closely to Seungkwan’s ear as he could manage in this position, pausing to place an ever so faint kiss to the top of his head. “We still have some time to spend with everybody. It’s not over yet.” 

 

Wordlessly, Seungkwan found himself shaking his head against Vernon’s shoulder. As if that wasn’t completely what he was feeling inside. The smaller male blinked up from his shirt with slightly tearing eyes, staring up at Vernon with an unknown intent deep in his dark brown pupils. “It’s not just that…” His voice was small and nearly inaudible throughout the crowds of people cheering all around them, reaching out to grip onto Vernon’s sleeve tightly in between his fingertips. “I just thought…” 

 

As he trailed off, Vernon found himself leaning closer to his face as he urged him on to continue, watching the way that Seungkwan’s pretty lips moved to come to words. “What were you thinking?” He asked, letting one of his hands move to cup the male’s cheek as he let his other hand’s fingertip blot away a tear that was streaming down the tawny skin. “Let me know, Seungkwan.” 

 

“It’s kind of stupid but…” Seungkwan breathed out slowly, trying to compose himself even though a few more tears slid out of his eyes. “I was thinking about what it would be like if you and me were up there, doing everything together until the end. Just thinking about it feels really nice. And then I realized that….” He paused for quite awhile in order to come to terms with confessing his innermost thoughts it out loud, his voice wavering slightly with emotion. “...I realized that maybe that’s what I want the most for the future. I want it so bad it makes my heart hurt.” 

 

Seungkwan’s words weren’t stupid at all. There wasn’t a single thought in Vernon’s mind that would make him think this was a request that lacked meaning. Perhaps it was the most sincere thing that anyone had ever said to him in his whole life, the one thing that would shake up his whole being and leave him so genuinely touched that someone cared for him to that level of depth. Almost as if he could feel the same sensation that Seungkwan described in his own heart, Vernon physically felt some pain from the longing feelings that it stirred up inside him. 

 

Last year’s Vernon wouldn’t let anyone in close enough to play around with his heartstrings. He wouldn’t let anyone have the right to change him in so many ways without even asking to come in. He would run. He would hide. He would have done anything to preserve his self constructed pride until the end, blocking out everyone and everything in the process. 

 

But that was the old Vernon. Today’s Vernon had Seungkwan. And hell, Vernon didn’t even know what living felt like until Seungkwan was here in his life and messing all around with his heart before he even knew what he was doing. Seungkwan actually meant everything to him. To the point where nothing in the world mattered but him. 

 

So Vernon decided to throw his old self to the wind for the last time. And for good. With his hand still holding the male’s cheek against his palm with utmost care, he allowed for his lips to collide with Seungkwan’s in a rush of emotions.

 

It was rather selfish to test Seungkwan like this. To see if the feeling of his soft and pliant lips positioned hot up against his own could really drown out the fact that they were in an auditorium filled with thousands of people. But this was more to test his own fragile ego, to see if he was fully stripped away from the inhibitions that still held him back every so often.

 

The test worked. Even as his friend’s noticed his bold actions and started to cheer and applaud for them as well, Vernon didn’t falter. Seungkwan was his new world now. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	24. partying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after the graduation ceremony, the group has one last rager in which things escalate very quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i went over the usual chapter length by 2k... sorry, but it might take a little more time to read ;;   
> this chapter is actual nonsense but it's actually more light hearted than last time so it hope you'll enjoy seeing all of the characters just having fun with each other! 
> 
> one of my friends pointed out to me that some of the readers are talking about this story on twitter and send me some screen shots..... if you've ever talked about my story i want you to know that i'm extremely touched ?? and also like when i saw it i was like tearing up a little bc you guys are so nice ?? it made me really happy to see that so thank you so much !
> 
> find me @ citruseungkwan on tumblr   
> i guess i should drop my twitter now too? @ nicolanyappy

Seungkwan didn’t say anything about the kiss during the rest of the graduation ceremony. Even though their friends sitting next to them had noticed them locking lips, perhaps for the first time in front of most of them as well, all of their little gasps and comments turned into background noise. All that registered in Vernon’s mind was that Seungkwan’s lips tasted sweeter than ever as he completely melted against him and smiled into the kiss. It seemed like Seungkwan had already been prepared to make things a little more public for some time now, just patiently waiting for Vernon to catch up. 

 

Even though Vernon didn’t give him any reason for the kiss, Seungkwan never really questioned him about it anyway. It was more like a silent agreement that they didn’t have to complicate by adding words. The rest of the graduation ceremony concluded quite ordinarily, with nothing really causing Vernon to question what his partner was thinking about their actions. It wasn’t until the whole group started to make their way back to the shared apartment for one last party together that Vernon started to notice something a little bit different about the male. 

 

There were thirteen of them walking along the sidewalk, leaving space limited for the occasional brushing of shoulders due to the crowdedness of things. Despite this, it was definitely noticeable that Seungkwan was lingering much more closely than needed. He was engaged in an interesting conversation with Soonyoung and Seokmin, sometimes bursting out into laughter at whatever jokes they were sharing or adding his own comments back but some of his attention was still focused elsewhere. Vernon knew he was watching him out of the corner of his eyes. 

 

Everyone else in their friend circle probably wouldn’t have even noticed it. It was something so small that no other passerby would be able to catch it either, but to Vernon it was so obvious.  He saw how Seungkwan would be in the middle of talking to his friends and his eyes would trail away to sneak a peek at him instead. How even though Seungkwan would turn to glance at the passing scenery but end up gazing over his entire form, starting from legs upwards to scan over his whole entire body. 

 

Vernon found himself burning up from the just  gaze alone. Perhaps he’d never outwardly show that his stare was starting to shake things up inside him but he couldn’t help himself from self-consciously crossing his arms over his chest. He’d continue walking, maybe start a conversation with Seungcheol, or distract himself with watching people go by, but he would certainly not admit that he kind of liked knowing that Seungkwan was practically checking him out. So he just continued on playing coy about the situation. He’d probably be too shy to even ask Seungkwan what’s gotten into him anyways. 

 

In the middle of walking, Mingyu turned around and started to walk backwards in order to remind them of some vital information. “Guys, let me remind you that the trip is tomorrow after the party. I made a little chart about the roles everyone is assigned to in order to make the trip go as smoothly as possible, which means there’s a few of you that I’m hoping won’t get too trashed tonight. Those who do get trashed can sleep on the bus.” 

 

Soonyoung’s eyes visibly lit up at hearing this. “There’s a bus? I thought we were just going to go to Lotte World or something. Now this really sounds like an actual trip!” 

 

Jeonghan let out an amused laugh as he shook his head. “Of course we’re going on an actual trip to an actual destination. It’s very real but I’m still keeping it as a secret because I want to create somewhat of a surprise factor. As for the bus, let’s just say me and Seungcheol were able to rent it with some of the paid dating money we’ve accumulated over the past four years.” 

 

Seungcheol glanced over at him with a smile as he swung an arm around to loop over the male’s shoulders. “We thought it’s time to put some of that dirty money into something more beneficial. To get rid of it forever. I don’t think that being regarded as the senior class’s top playboy in college is really something to be proud about in the real world.” 

 

Jeonghan’s eyes flickered over to him too now, holding one hand over his chest as he looked quite appalled. “You think you’re better at flirting than me?” He questioned out pretty seriously, not even waiting to earn a response from him before rolling his eyes. “You might have taught me everything I know about dating, but I have clearly surpassed you in skills a long time ago. Check my net-worth, loverboy.” 

 

Junhui stepped between them, pushing their hips away from each other so he could squeeze in between them instead. “I can attest that Jeonghan’s is more requested for dating but Seungcheol’s skills are much more sincere and believable. You’re just there to sit and look pretty, Jeonghan. Sorry, but it’s the truth.” 

 

The male’s eyes widened as he grinned playfully and leaned into Junhui’s space. “Oh yeah? And what proof do you have to back that up? Did you go and date either one of us before?”

 

Unphased, Junhui just shrugged. “You and Seungcheol can bicker back and forth about which one of you had more power over the school, but the reality is that if there was a prom in college, you’d both win prom king and queen.” 

 

Jeonghan clearly paused for a second to think about whether or not he liked this title. “You know what? I’ll take it. I’d be Seungcheol’s prom queen any day. Nobody can deny that we practically look like the stereotypical type anyway.”  

 

“Guys, what about my checklist?” Mingyu emphasized seriously, worried that they were all going to forget about their roles amidst all the side conversations. “We’re literally getting on the bus at 10am sharp tomorrow so you all better wake up early to prepare your parts.” 

 

“Hold on…” Chan raised a hand up to get their attention. “Why are we renting a bus without a driver? I’ve never seen any of you with a license to drive, so I’m assuming no one knows how to drive a bus either.”

 

“It’s not a full sized bus, it’s a mini bus! That way we can each share a seat with a buddy in order to cut half the cost!” Mingyu explained to him in a slightly overenthusiastic way. “And I’ll be driving along with Minghao, who offered to take shifts with me!” 

 

Chan looked at him quite skeptically, looking over to Seungcheol to confirm all of this. He had every right to be cautious about getting into this situation. Vernon felt like this could all be a pretty bad idea too. He’d never even seen Mingyu get behind the wheel of a car, yet alone a mini bus at that. Trusting Minghao to drive seemed like much a better option but he probably didn’t even have a valid license to drive in Korea anyways. This was most likely going to be an absolute trainwreck. Yet with his friend group being the exact way they are, he wouldn’t expect things any other way. 

 

“Aw, Channie, don’t you worry about any little thing.” Soonyoung was quick to approach the younger from behind, throwing his arms around his neck in a tight koala like hug or more like a chokehold. “You can be my bus buddy and I’ll take good care of you.” 

 

The younger male’s expression didn’t change a bit as he kept on walking with the larger male’s weight pushing down on his shoulders. “No disrespect, but I’d actually rather die, Soonyoung-hyung.” The words make Soonyoung finally release him with a wildly amused laugh, finding that using his aegyo on such an unresponsive kid was too funny to get enough of. 

 

“That’s a good point though. Make bus buddies.” Jeonghan pointed out. “I don’t want to see any couples getting a little too close with each other on my bus. We’re keeping this trip PG-13, with no exceptions. I will forcefully break up couples to make you all socialize with other people for a change.” 

 

Jihoon just scoffed and muttered under his breath. “I can’t wait to see you and Joshua be the only exception to that rule.”

 

Jeonghan turned back to him with a wink. “Sit next to me then, little buddy.” He said in a sickeningly sweet voice with perfectly chosen words, biting back his own smile as he noticed Jihoon’s jaw tense up in the slightest way at the key adjective he added to his sentence. He knew that as much as he wanted to, Jihoon wouldn’t say anything back because he totally had a soft spot for him. 

 

“Hey, PG13 is pretty good!” Soonyoung called out enthusiastically. “That means we can still touch a titty and make out a little!” 

 

Several members of the group cracked up into laughter at the sudden mention of titties, being the absolute childish fools that they are. More of them just rolled their eyes or sighed. Seokmin was the only one to shoot him a completely excited grin back as they shared multiple high fives and promised to go on a quest for titties to touch during their trip. 

 

Jihoon squinted his eyes in their direction as he looked on with confusion. “If you haven’t noticed, the trip is only for us. We’re all guys. I think you’re going to have a hard time with that.” 

 

“Life is what you make it.” Soonyoung reminded him. “If I want to touch a titty, then I will totally go out and do it. With consent of course.” 

 

“Yeah, with all of the consent!” Seokmin joined in with him, only hyping the other male up even more to participate in this nonsense. “Soonyoung is only the most honorable man that I have ever met in my whole life. If he makes a promise, then he always goes through with it. If he wants to touch a titty, then that man will go and touch a titty, god damn it!” 

 

“Okay, you guys are actually crazy.” Jihoon’s arms crossed over his chest as he kept on walking, albeit somewhat a little further away from the troublemaking duo. “I’m making a rule to separate the two of you on the bus as well. Just as a precautionary method so no more insanity is thought up.” 

 

“That’s totally not fair.” Soonyoung frowned and made a thumbs-down sign at him. “Jihoon’s a scrooge.” 

 

Seokmin cupped his hands over his mouth to call out to him more loudly. “Jihoon’s a scrooge. An actual grinch. The number one party-pooper.”  

 

Wonwoo cleared his throat after being silent for most of the walk back home. “This is a good example of why we should have randomized the seat order.” 

 

“I know.” Mingyu let out a slightly frustrated sigh as he pulled into the pocket of his suit jacket to jot something down on a note. “I’ll add that to the list. Now, can we finally go over the details for tomorrow? I really need you guys to pay attention so you can prepare how to act at the party. I know everyone will get trashed within the first ten minutes so I really have to do this before we actually get home.” 

 

As Mingyu was almost pleading for them to pay attention for the third time in a row, they probably wouldn’t stress him out anymore by going off topic again. A few members of the group assured him with wordless nods and eyes moving in his direction to show that they were paying attention. 

 

Finding it easier than usual to get all of their attention for once, he let out kind of a relieved breath before starting on with reciting his list. “Okay, so those exempt from working are Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Joshua, and Chan because they’re new graduates. Let’s let them relax instead of working on any of the details so try not to bother them too much. The 95 line picked the location and idea behind the trip so technically they already did the most important parts, I guess?” He asked out unsurely, not really expecting his question to be answered at all. 

 

“I’d like to add something.” Jeonghan inserted himself. “Joshua is far too kind for his own good, so all of the serious decisions should go to me and Seungcheol. We’ll give permission before you kids want to do wild things like lighting fires or jumping off rooftops.” 

 

“Nice, great Jeonghan. That’s really valuable to our discussion.” He replied back slightly sarcastically under his breath, knowing all too well that mentioning the dangerous acts would only want some members of their group to participate in them even more. “Now, for the first task, which will be picking up the bus, driving to the location, making sure all of the luggage is on the bus, and whatever else that entails on the way back. The volunteers will be Minghao, Junhui, Wonwoo, and myself.” 

 

“That’s peculiar.” Chan mused as he glanced over at Mingyu, a slight grin threatening to spill onto his lips. “It seems like those names might have been grouped together for some reason…” 

 

“I don’t have any idea what you’re getting at.” Mingyu responded back to him, but judging from his inability to make direct eye contact for more than a millisecond, it was pretty clear that Chan was onto something here. Either way, Mingyu was quick to move onto the next subject in order to push his speculations away. “The next group is the cooking group, which will be myself again, with Seokmin and Seungkwan and Junhui. At 5AM we’re meeting up in my kitchen to make lunch boxes and to organize the plan for dinner as well so that means none of you will be getting shitfaced tonight. I will watch over you. I will see everything. So please don’t try anything.” 

 

Vernon turned to face Seungkwan who was still walking next to him for perhaps the first time since they left campus. He’d been avoiding doing so due to all of the glancing on the other male’s part. Something made the corners of his own mouth turn upwards into a smile as he watched Seungkwan’s eyes light up with excitement. Clearly he was looking forward to doing the cooking for their trip, which Vernon found to be kind of interesting as well. He never really knew if Seungkwan could cook well, since their shared room didn’t have a kitchen attached. The most he saw him cook from was a microwave. 

 

“Next up is the destination group.” Mingyu moved on, finally snapping Vernon’s attention away from the male beside him. “This includes Vernon, Jihoon, Soonyoung, and the special addition of Wonwoo and Joshua. You guys are in charge of everything that happens off the bus, so all of the activities and entertainment basically. That’s pretty much it for all of the groups so if anyone has any complaints, please say so now but I doubt we’ll be changing anything because it’s too late to do so.” 

 

“Um, I have one.” Soonyoung raised his hand. “Why am I purposely separated from my two best friends in the whole entire world?” 

 

Mingyu just blinked down at him. “That’s simple. You can’t cook. You’re maybe even the opposite since you destroy the food you do manage to touch.” 

 

“Should I say I’m offended?” Soonyoung asked although the words did make him start to laugh a bit. “Or should I say that I’m more touched that you know so much about me?” 

 

As the rest of their group continued on with their own side conversations, only pausing to laugh at something or poke fun at someone for saying something ridiculous, Vernon found his steps leading him closer to Seungkwan’s side as they neared the apartment place. Some of the other students from the Mugunghwa University’s senior class had already started congregating outside of the foursome’s apartment. He knew that Seungcheol’s and Jeonghan’s popularity was honestly no joke. They practically ran the senior class. And especially since it was their last time partying together, he was sure that his friends would throw the wildest party of them all. 

 

It wasn’t even dark outside yet but many of the students were ready to party as soon as the two prominent seniors started making their way up to the apartment. The excitement building from all of them racing up the stairwells and into the alcohol filled apartment wasn’t too reciprocated from Vernon. He’d decided he was done drinking himself to death even back when he lived in America. It just didn’t seem to fun to him anymore, and it seemed like Seungkwan didn’t really care to be the first in there either. 

 

“Hey, why don’t we wait a few minutes before going in…” Vernon started to say as he reached out to grab Seungkwan’s arm before he could get too far. “I mean, everyone is in like a mad dash to get wasted quickly so maybe we could just chill for a moment.” 

 

As Seungkwan glanced back at him with questioning eyes, he smiled softly in agreement. “I’m sure they won’t even notice if we slip out for a few minutes anyways.” He admitted with a soft laugh as they suddenly heard the sound of loud bass speakers turning on to blast some song neither of them knew. The apartment was located on the corner of the unit, conveniently located near one of the stairwells that was quiet enough to block out enough music in favor of talking instead. They decided to take a seat on one of the concrete steps there, side by side as the settled against the cool material.  

 

Vernon wasn’t sure what was getting into him these days. They were just sitting next to each other like usual, with everything completely casual about this situation, but for some reason he didn’t even know what to say to Seungkwan. It made no sense that his heart was racing in his chest right now. But it made even less sense that he couldn’t even think of one sentence to even start their conversation. He couldn’t exactly say anything like, ‘ _ hey, I happened to notice you staring at me back there _ ,’ or  _ ‘hey, maybe you wanna tell me what that look was all about? _ ’ so he settled for sighing and giving up on words altogether. He just moved his arm to wrap around Seungkwan’s shoulder and pull him close. 

 

The older male let himself lean against Vernon completely, letting out a soft chuckle at all of the awkwardness that settled in between them before. Maybe he could sense that Vernon was getting nervous for whatever reason? But then that just made Vernon question if he was imagining the way Seungkwan was looking at him earlier and if he was over thinking way too much now. 

 

“You really don’t care if anyone sees us like this?” He heard Seungkwan suddenly ask, referring to the way that Vernon’s arm was wrapped around him in a way that would clearly mean something more than friends by anyone who saw them. The question was kind of unexpected. It caught Vernon off guard quite a bit, but he could see through the deeper meaning behind Seungkwan’s question.

 

Although he was asking about their current position now, it was almost implying for him to explain his thoughts about how he felt about their relationship being open to the public.  

 

“Not at all.” His words came out easily, without much of a second thought. If he looked close enough to see the way Seungkwan kept his eyes at the ground, as if he was uncertain with Vernon still changing his mind with things, he only wanted to assure him of this even more. “Let them see, Seungkwan. I don’t give a damn if anyone sees anything.” 

 

As he watched the expressions on Seungkwan’s face change, he noted how the male held his bottom lip between his teeth, still contemplating on what he wanted to say next. “Hansol… as much as I wanted to hear that from you, I can’t be fully happy because I know this is Korea. It won’t always be easy for us.” He mentioned this to him hesitantly, almost as if it might change his answer again but Vernon was not going to make any second decisions about this. 

 

“I know it’s not going to be easy. I never expected it to be.” Vernon admitted honestly, finding his finger and his thumb lightly moving to tip Seungkwan’s chin in his direction before the male could look away from him anymore. Once their eyes finally met again, Vernon smiled at him with everything he could muster in his heart. “In public we’re going to be as respectful as possible of course, but I’m not going to beat myself up if we accidentally slip up and make a few people angry. I’d do anything to make you happy, Seungkwan. Even if some people don’t have nice things to say about us, I’d do anything in my power to make sure it doesn’t get to us. I’d fight for you, Boo Seungkwan. I’d fight for us. With everything I have.” 

 

He wasn’t exactly sure where the words came from. They spilled past his lips unrestrainedly despite never being planned out beforehand. Perhaps they only came out so easily because he was speaking from his heart. They were his honest feelings, with true emotions to back them up. As he realized how unexpectedly sincere he was being, embarrassment rushed to his cheeks that started to burn. It was completely unlike him to be so honest with himself like this. 

 

Before Seungkwan could even respond with words, he was completely caught off guard by fingers latching onto his shirt collar with enough force to possibly snap the first button clear off, with the feeling of warm lips pushed up against his own nearly making him whimper out in surprise. The noise that did manage to slip out only made him more embarrassed as he quickly willed his eyelids to fall shut, just putting all of his attention towards kissing back instead of bringing attention to whatever that was. 

 

He wasn’t sure where all of the intensity came from, but it was like he sparked something inside of Seungkwan. As the male clutched onto his collar and found himself practically climbing across Vernon’s lap to kiss him deeper, Vernon was incredibly surprised but let himself be grabbed and manhandled as much as the other male wanted to. The way that Seungkwan’s body pushed against him against the hard concrete step hurt slightly, but that couldn’t compare to how good it felt when his lips slipped open to allow Seungkwan entry. As his tongue swirled around his own in such a tantalizing way, Vernon’s hands slipped down to the male’s backside, forcibly pulling him to sit down on his lap more comfortably. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t grope his ass a little. He’d always been kind of curious about using his hands to explore the male’s body a little more closely and the urges to do so lately were starting to feel all too overwhelming. 

 

After countless kisses placed to his lips and all reciprocated back just as eagerly, Vernon felt Seungkwan’s deep kisses starting to turn more into sweet pecks due to the need to breathe again. They were both quite winded, with flushed cheeks and slightly swollen lips, messy hair and wrinkled clothes. As he was starting to come back to reality with everything, the thought that they were making out in another stairwell made him want to laugh a little. It seemed like this was becoming a common theme. 

 

He allowed his eyes to open momentarily, as if to gauge what Seungkwan was thinking in this same moment as well, using arms that had secured him down on his lap to wrap around his waist even tighter. Seungkwan’s dark brown eyes were absolutely gorgeous as they peered into his own. He could probably stare into them forever, just watching how different lighting made them appear lighter and more see through from different perspectives. His head tipped to the side as he admired them, looking at Seungkwan up close with his own eyes blinking somewhat in amazement. 

 

“What are you doing?” Seungkwan asked the same words that Vernon had been thinking of only moments before, although he would have personally been asking why Seungkwan kissed him so roughly. 

 

“You’re pretty.” He admitted out loud before he’d end up finding the words embarrassing. “I think I could look at you forever and never bored.”  

 

“Then do it. See if I mind.” Seungkwan responded back in mock threat, finding himself laughing softly at Vernon’s comment as they were still extremely close and face to face, his airy laughs unintentionally sending hot waves of air against Vernon’s lips in the most tantalizingly tingling sensation. Vernon had to sit up slightly to kiss him again. Just to retaliate. 

 

“Maybe I will then.” Vernon responded back as equally threatening before he found himself preoccupied with looking at Seungkwan’s lips. It was kind of funny how often he’d been kissing them these days but never took the chance to really take a good look at them. A fingertip raised upwards to delicately trace of the cupid’s bow of his full upper lip, the sudden action making the breath hitch in Seungkwan’s throat. “Hm… I really love your lips.” 

 

His compliment caused Seungkwan to let out a long sigh, forcing his head to rest down on Vernon’s shoulder like he needed to take a break. “You’re playing a really dangerous game here, Hansol.” He muttered out against the fabric, keeping his words low to the point where even Vernon almost didn’t hear what he said. 

 

“What do you mean by that, babe?” Vernon found himself answering back as his fingertips that laid against the small of Seungkwan’s back started to move around slightly, lightly massaging at the base of his spine. “You don’t like when I talk about your lips or something?”

 

Seungkwan could only let out another long sigh as he rolled his eyes around, clearly not willing to participate in any more of Vernon’s teasing for today. Unfortunately for Vernon’s sake, he decided to detach himself from the hold and make his way to his feet again, offering a hand over to help pull Vernon up as well. “Come on, let’s go to the party.” 

 

He accepted the hand anyways, but he wasn’t exactly looking forward to going to a stuff party filled with a bunch of students he’d never even met once in his life. “Wanna get out of here with me instead?” Vernon asked with a hopeful grin as he kept one arm draped lazily around Seungkwan’s hips. “Actually, I think I’m perfectly fine with staying right here in this hallway.” 

 

Also unfortunately for Vernon’s sake, Seungkwan seemed pretty intent on spending some time at the party under the reason that this was part of Jeonghan’s going away party and he wanted to spend some time with him. Vernon could understand that. He wouldn’t complain too much about wanting to leave, although as they made their way into the overcrowded and overheated apartment room he immediately wanted to leave and regretted everything. The air already reeked like cheap alcohol mingling with too many students drenched in obnoxious colognes and perfumes in attempts to attract members of the opposite sex. Now that he had Seungkwan, it all seemed to shallow in order to drink the night away in hopes of one mediocre hookup. 

 

Seungkwan wanted to find Jeonghan first, which was a horrible idea. They should have known that Jeonghan and Seungcheol would be reverting to their old trashy ways for the last night of their college existence. They caught Jeonghan in the middle of taking a body shot off someone in the kitchen. Seungkwan looked practically scarred for life until Jeonghan noticed him arrive, immediately making the way over to him with tight arms that only secured a place for him to temporarily lean on during his drunken stupor. 

 

“Did you see that, Boo?” Jeonghan practically screamed out, pointing over a male laying completely shirtless on the kitchen counter, surrounded by countless people cheering and chanting Jeonghan’s name over and over again like he was the mvp. “I just took a body shot off of Wen Junhui!” 

 

Although only Seungkwan had been surprised to see this before, Vernon also felt his own jaw gape open at this information. 

 

“That’s… Junhui?” Vernon’s eyebrows ruffled together as he tried to see over the crowd. “Are you fucking kidding me?” 

 

“No, and it was actually the best thing that I’ve ever done in my whole life.” Jeonghan insisted, grabbing Seungkwan’s shoulders to shake them dramatically. “Joshua actually did it too and it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life.” 

 

As Vernon finally noticed Joshua sitting next to Junhui’s sprawled out form on the counter, he just smiled at him stupidly in a way that certainly meant he was also shitfaced as well. Those were the only circumstances in which Joshua would ever do such a thing in the first place. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was eye-smiling at absolutely nothing in particular gave that away, he was also nursing Junhui’s head in his lap and lightly carding his fingers through his jet black hair. Vernon was just glad he didn’t witness any of that going down. He’d probably never be able to think of his friends in the same way ever again. 

 

“Quick, Vernon! Take your shirt off too! It’s an emergency!” Jeonghan insisted frantically as he turned to him instead. “I want Seungkwan to try but I know he’d only do it to you!” 

 

“Um…. not a chance in hell.” 

 

Seungkwan was also quick to shake his head back and forth in denial of this. “No thanks, I don’t really think I need to try it either…” 

 

Mingyu made his way behind Jeonghan, scooping the smaller male up in his arms and forcibly pulling him away from the two younger males. “No enabling, Jeonghan. Go on back to Joshua and try to bother him instead.” 

 

Jeonghan had originally squinted in protest over his shoulder at the actions but almost immediately allowed himself to lean back against Mingyu’s chest. “Hey, I have a serious question….” He mumbled out almost like it was a secret, turning to Mingyu only despite still being within hearing vicinity of Seungkwan and Vernon instead. “Do you think Junhui wants to have a threesome with us? For some reason I just I feel like he does?” 

 

A clearly sober Mingyu did not want to hear anything about this, his facial expression visibly  disgusted from being forced to think of something like that in the first place. “No, I don’t think he does.” Mingyu replied back quickly before he could get any more ideas, just making up shit to get his mind off of it. “He actually told me that he’s not interested at all and that you should completely forget about that idea forever.” 

 

Jeonghan was oblivious that he was lying due to his high levels of intoxication, but found himself slightly frowning in disappointment anyways. “That’s sad. I thought we were almost like Seungkwan and Soonyoung and Seokmin’s group. Like the new trio.” 

 

Seungkwan bit his lip, not exactly sure how to tell him that the three of them weren’t in that kind of situation at all either. As he struggled to come to explaining that in words, Vernon found himself cracking up at the fact that even a drunken Jeonghan could come up with something as wild as that. Mingyu just shrugged at them and shot them a somewhat apologetic look as he managed to wheel Jeonghan away and back to his own boyfriend. Vernon settled for taking Seungkwan’s hand in his own and dragging him across the room, dodging around the sloppily dancing people in order to find more of their friends. 

 

It was easy to find Soonyoung, Seokmin, and Chan sitting in one of the corners of the room. What they didn’t expect so much was to find Soonyoung practically bawling his eyes out, with a rather concerned Seokmin and Chan hovering over him. As they made their way over and leaned in front of them, Chan seemed to explain before they even ask. “He told Wonwoo he wanted to get fucked up, and Wonwoo literally gave him what he asked.” 

 

“Bad trip, huh?” Vernon questioned out, earning a quick nod from Chan who seemed to be much more capable than taking care of him than Seokmin, who just seemed to be completely wasted and almost to the point of tears as well. 

 

Seungkwan worriedly kneeled in front of his friend, using his hands to cup the tear stained cheeks between his hands with utmost care. “Soonyoungie, why are you crying so much though?” He almost cooed to him softly, trying to use his low and soothing voice to relax him somewhat. “Tell us what happened to we can fix it.”

 

As Soonyoung just sobbed more childlike at the extra attention he was being given, Seokmin sniffled back his own tears threatening to spill over. “We were dancing to nsync and shredding it up on the dance floor, to the point where we were getting every single classic move right. It was beautiful, honestly.” He revealed part of the story to them, although Vernon still looked on in confusion as that definitely wasn’t enough to explain Soonyoung’s actual bawling. “We were having a great time but then he started crying and we’re here we are now.” 

 

Seungkwan concernedly pat at his cheek softly before moving to wrap his friend in a big hug. “It’s okay, I know you miss the nsync hyungs so much. We all have music that we really like and I know they were so special to you.” He said comfortingly as he tried to calm down Soonyoung’s bawling, although it seemed like he might have been making things worse. 

 

All of this seemed like a complete shitshow to Vernon. He couldn’t believe he was watching someone cry over a 90’s boyband. He wasn’t even sure if this was still reality. Stopping to physically check with Chan if this was all real, the youngest of the group looked like he actually wanted to be dead inside rather than witnessing this. 

 

“You should have said so, Soon.” Seokmin insisted slightly stubbornly but still moved to rub the male’s knee in an attempt to comfort him. “If you wanted to cry about boy bands I would have joined you!”

 

Soonyoung sniffled to himself quite defeatedly, his eyes all swollen up and red due to the sheer amount of crying that he hand managed to get done in such a short time. “It’s not even that…I’m just so sad inside and no one knows about it.” 

 

From where Seungkwan had been clutching onto him, he pulled back slightly to watch his expression. “Oh, no. What song was it?” 

 

“It was Girlfriend!” Seokmin shouted out like it all made sense now. “I should have known it, their last single together…. that’s why he burst out crying!” 

 

Soonyoung squeezed his eyes together even tighter, breathing out frustratedly as more wet tears found themselves spilling over. “I’m not even crying about that, I’m crying about something even more horrible!” He revealed, earning a not so quiet gasp from Seokmin and another concerned look from Seungkwan. “I just realized I don’t have a girlfriend… or a boyfriend… and actually I have nobody! No one wants to love me but my little heart just has so much love to give.” As he confessed all of his inner worries, his sobs were more frequent as he clutched onto the material of Seungkwan’s shirt tightly to burry his face into. “I just want to be loved a little too…” 

 

No one had really been expecting that. Something about his words seemed to be completely honest, like maybe this was something he had actually been bothered about for awhile now. Perhaps he only confessed this now that he was inebriated and more free to say what was on his mind. Vernon and Chan blinked back and forth at each other, completely at a loss of what to think about this sudden change in atmosphere. Seungkwan seemed almost lost for a second as well but surprisingly, Seokmin knew what to do. 

 

“We love you so much, Soon.” He assured him with another firm slap to the knee. “You don’t even need a significant other to feel love. We have so much love for you right here!”

 

“But I want affection. I want romance. I want someone to give me all their attention. And to love me and to hug me all the time and to kiss me so much.” Soonyoung blubbered back amidst his sniffles. “I love kissing and I wanna kiss someone.” 

 

Seokmin was already ready to get up from where he was sitting, reaching out for Soonyoung’s hand to take. “Let’s go and find someone for you to kiss then! It’s going to be easy because I’m sure there’s so many people who are gonna be so excited to date you!” 

 

Soonyoung’s face was still wet with tears as he looked up at him, uncertain whether or not to take his hand. “B-but… how do I know if I can trust them not to leave me? I want to be like Seungkwan and Vernon, or like Jeonghan and Joshua, or like Wonwoo and Mingyu too… I want it so badly. More than anything.” 

 

Although Vernon was just planning to dismiss most of his words as just drunken confessions, something about his statement made him feel a bit guilty. Out of everything he said, this was probably what hit closest to home most. He saw how Seungkwan’s best friends exchanged glances while they were together. The fact that Seungkwan was spending more time with himself always made him question whether or not he was making his friends compete to spend time with him. He wouldn’t say that Soonyoung was jealous of them really, but more like he felt like he was missing out on something that he didn’t have for himself. 

 

Seokmin smiled his signature bright smile down at him, only extending his hand down closer for him to take. “Come on, no one is going to leave you. You’re absolutely perfect, Soon. Everyone is going to love you. I promise they will” And with those words, all of the hope that Soonyoung needed had been magically transferred over to him through Seokmin’s blinding smile. Soonyoung had wiped his tears for one last time and after a few sniffles later, he was running off with Seokmin to go and scope out the person of his dreams. 

 

Chan had let out a long sigh, one of extreme relief and exasperation from all of this being over. “This party is actually a shitshow. I need a smoke so I’m going back to Wonwoo’s room. All the hyungs are in there playing video games if you wanna join.” 

 

Vernon glanced over at Seungkwan, who just shook his head politely. “Nah, I think we’ll hang out around here for a little while instead. We’ll keep an eye on Soonyoung if he needs help or something.” As Chan got up to head in the other direction, Vernon stood up and pulled Seungkwan along with him as they found themselves going to relaxing in one of the corners of the crowded room. 

 

Seungkwan sighed softly as he bumped his head against Vernon’s shoulder. “I don’t even like drinking but I’m starting to think that I might have to in order to survive the rest of tonight. Our friends are actually all insane tonight.” As he spoke he only leaned against Vernon more, which caused him to wrap an arm around his waist to pull him closer and away from any of the people staggering around beside them.

 

“We can make our own fun then.” Vernon decided for the two of them as he leaned in to press his lips softly against Seungkwan’s forehead. “We can drink too much soda and get drunk off the sugar? Or since you love dancing, we can do some of that? Or just go home and watch a movie instead? What do you think?” 

 

There was somewhat of a playful smile on Seungkwan’s lips as he contemplated all of his options, eventually moving to drape two arms around Vernon’s neck as he took a step closer. “I think I’m going to have to pick the dancing. You never offer so willingly so I must be lucky tonight.” As he took another step closer to the point of their chests almost touching, Vernon felt himself smiling back at Seungkwan as his hands moved to his hips. 

 

“You can have it all tonight, Seungkwan.” He assured him quite seriously as he started moving their bodies from side to side, slowly and slightly out of rhythm to the beat of the music due to his lack of skill in dancing. “All of the dips, turns, and spins. Plus all of the other dance terms that exist that I don’t even know about yet. I’ll do all of them with you tonight, but then I won’t be dancing for a  _ long _ time after this.”

 

When Seungkwan heard that part, he responding back with the light and bubbly laugh that Vernon liked to hear so much. “I won’t promise you anything. I might try to convince you to dance alone with me back in the dorm sometime when it’s just the two of us. I’m starting to find this kind of fun.” He admitted as Vernon suddenly moved to spin him around and have him land against his chest. When he moved to spin out again, Vernon used one hand to wrap around his waist, securing him in a back hug that he couldn’t get away from. 

 

“We’re out of the dorm next week though.” He reminded him a bit teasingly with an ever so soft bite to the shell of his ear, only clutching the squirming boy closer as he erupted into pretty giggles. “Then it’s off to Jeju with you and only you. I can’t believe we’ll finally get alone time together without all our crazy friends interrupting.”

 

“Oh, yeah? Well I’m starting to think you’re going crazy too.” Seungkwan replied as he still found himself still unable to detach himself from Vernon and just deciding to stop fighting it. “You’re biting my ear in public, Hansol! If you’re doing this now, how unpredictable are you going to be in Jeju?” 

 

“You started flirting with me first.” Vernon tried to reason with him, using the arms that wrapped around Seungkwan’s waist to lightly sway him around to the beat of the music. If he leaned forward enough in their back hug, he could peer around to take a look at Seungkwan’s flushing cheek to place a soft kiss there. “If you want to keep flirting with me, this is what happens.” 

 

The sound of someone clearing their throat as they appeared in front of them caused Vernon to look up suddenly. For a second, he just thought the girl trying to get his attention was some stranger but after a few moments of her staring at him, he vaguely recognized her from being in the same history class this semester. He didn’t know her name, nor did he ever speak to her first, but he did remember a few times that she tried to make small talk with Joshua and himself. 

 

“Hey, Vernon.” She smiled at him in a way that reeked of hidden intentions, causing Vernon to get a bad feeling about this conversation already. “Mind to save a dance for me? Or are you too busy dancing with your roommate tonight?” 

 

The way she asked seemed like she was testing him in some way and Vernon didn’t like it at all. He didn’t like her confidence to assume that she could see right through him. His arms slightly slackened around Seungkwan’s form as he took a step forward to respond to he in the most polite way possible. “Sorry, I’m not into dancing at all so I’ll have to pass.” He said as he shot a slightly apologetic smile in her direction. “I didn’t know you were a senior though, so congrats on graduating.”    
  


“I’m not a senior though so thanks for remembering that part.” She rolled her eyes at him as her arms crossed over her chest. “Its funny that you say you’re not into dancing when I just saw you dancing with  _ him _ .” As she raised a finger to point at a rather clueless looking Seungkwan, the tone of her voice made something snap inside of Vernon. Almost instinctively, he felt like he needed to protect him. No one talks to his Seungkwan like that. 

 

“Yeah, I was dancing with him. I only dance with him.” Vernon shrugged carelessly like it was the most easy thing in the world to admit. “I don’t want to dance with you, or anyone else for that matter just him.” 

 

He was being respectful and calm about the situation, but things definitely escalated when another drunken girl made her way over to her friend, immediately ready to defend her before even knowing what words were shared. She was another girl from his history class, one that he vaguely remembered sitting next to the first girl on a few occasions. They usually seemed harmless enough but under the influence of alcohol, Vernon did not want to mess with them. 

 

“Are you telling me that you’re going to deny my friend after talking with her all semester?” She had the nerve to ask, now starting to lean in Vernon’s personal space. “Why would you lead her on this whole time if you’re just gonna go gay for your fucking roommate instead?” 

 

Vernon didn’t owe them an answer. He really didn’t need to give them any of his time or energy in the first place. But this time, he really couldn’t help himself. He had just spilled out his heart and soul to Seungkwan in the hallway about how down he was for this relationship. Maybe now would be the time to prove that. 

 

He made the move to hold Seungkwan’s hand in his own, gritting his teeth together to suppress his irritation at these girls and just smile politely instead. “Sorry, but I don’t know either of your names so I think it’s safe to say that I never really considered us to be friends in the least.” He admitted honestly, although the words were slightly harsh in their truth. “And as for my roommate, he’s actually my boyfriend and we’re very happy together. We’re planning on enjoying the rest of the night together so I’d like if you could just forget we ever spoke and you can go off to your own little corner again.” 

Even though he had responded quite reasonably, this seemed to make the original girl far more angry than before. “You’re trying to be a rapper but you’re a homo?” She practically screeched out, raising her voice to a shouting level. “I can’t believe I actually fucking supported you and your stupid little group of friends. Hell, I only liked you because you’re mixed. You only get attention in this fucking school because you’re white and people look at you like some fancy object.”

 

Her words hurt. He couldn’t deny that they did. They only made him flash back to the days when he was a kid in Korea, when he’d visit the country with his family and people on the subway would mercilessly stare at him or try to touch his face to get a better look at his honey brown eyes. The words brought up enough suppressed memories to make his stomach feel slightly sick for a moment. But he grit his teeth together and held on tighter to Seungkwan’s hand. 

 

Trapped in his own thoughts, he couldn't stop Seungkwan from stepping forward to confront them in time. “I think you two need to leave now.” Seungkwan ordered them, even going to the extent of pointing to the door. “You’re clearly not welcome here anymore.” 

 

Now completely offended at this point, the girl suddenly lurched forward and tried to size him up with fire in her eyes. “Who the fuck are you to order me around? Who even are you?” 

 

“Woah, there! Do we have a problem here ladies?” Seungcheol kept his friendly grin on as he inserted himself between the girls and Seungkwan, seemingly swooping in at the right moment to save the day. Following beside him was a rather irate looking Jihoon, just watching over the situation with his arms crossed over his chest like he didn’t want to be involved. 

 

As soon as Seungcheol presence intervened, the girls seemed to have a completely different attitude in place. “Oh, Seungcheol-oppa… it’s really nothing.” One of them tried to insist by playing coy, blinking up at him through long lashes as she visibly tried to play to his interests. “We were just having a conversation here and the little blond boy tried to get sassy with me.” 

 

Jihoon cleared his throat. “Just kick them out already, Cheol. I heard everything that went down here. They’re shit eating liars who would say anything to climb further up your ass.” 

 

“Is that so?” Seungcheol calmly questioned out to them while wrapping his arms around both of their shoulders and glancing between the both of them, watching as they visibly started to lose the act under his stare.“I have to say that I’m very disappointed, ladies. To go and say such rude things to a member of my group, but to some of my own personal friends? I invite you into my own home on the night of my graduation and you still say such homophobic and racist nonsense? You should be ashamed of yourselves.” 

 

“We’re sorry, Seungcheol-oppa.” One of the girls tried to plead. “We just got too drunk and lost control of our tempers.” 

  
  


Seungcheol looked over to them with perhaps one of his usual kind smiles, but Vernon could see he was faking it to play around with the girls and teach them a lesson. He allowed his arms to wrap around the two girl’s shoulders even more, pulling them even closer to both of his sides. “Let me tell you a little secret…” He whispered out slowly, waiting for the two of them to huddle closer to him in expectation. “If you want to go around calling people homos, you’ve gotta know something. Your precious Seungcheol-oppa? He’s half a homo too. Go run and tell that.” 

 

As he stepped away from both of the girls with a charismatic wink in their direction, he turned to Jihoon with an accomplished smile, joining the shorter male who cackled wildly in laugher. Seungkwan laughed a little as well as the girls visibly gasped out loud from the shock and seemed even more offended that he would trick them like that. For Vernon, he was just more relieved that all of this was over and they  just get on with the rest of the night. 

 

“Oh, don’t forget. You’re still getting kicked out.” Seungcheol managed to remind the two girls. “I would go ahead and hurry out before Jeonghan gets involved.” 

 

And with that, they watched on for their unwanted guests to leave the party before finally going back to their normal pace of things. Seungcheol wrapped Vernon in a bear hug to fully make sure he was okay. “Don’t let ‘em get to you, lil bro. They’re being mean because they didn’t get a chance with you.” He tried to comfort him with an affectionate ruffle of his hair, which finally caused Vernon’s smile to come back somewhat. “People say things they don’t mean when they’re mad. Those words aren’t true.” 

 

“I know…” Vernon assured him, finally taking a deep breath after such a long time of holding himself back. “I was just shocked to hear all of those things. I just froze up.” 

 

Seungkwan was taking a hold of his hand again, staring up at him with affection in his eyes as he stroked the skin of his palm softly. “It’s all over now. No need to worry.” That was all it said to calm down the rest of Vernon’s nerves. Not only was it for his soothing voice, but the way that Seungkwan looked up to him with something so sincere always made him feel that he was right where he needed to be. 

 

“Hey, wanna go outside for some fresh air?” Seungkwan had suggested with another soft squeeze to his hand. “Let’s just go on a walk to get your mind off things.” 

 

Vernon wholeheartedly agreed to this with a nod as he let Seungkwan lead him through the overheated apartment and out to some place more quiet. They only made it out into the hallway and past the first door that led to the stairway when they were greeted with something quite shocking. Currently, Soonyoung was pushing a very willing Seokmin up against a wall and very literally sucking faces with him. That’s the only way Vernon could describe their horribly drunk kissing. 

 

Seungkwan actually screamed. Vernon burst out laughing. And Soonyoung could only turn around and smile smugly at them, his eye smile at full power as he let out a slightly adorable chuckle.

 

“Well … I finally found someone interested in kissing me!” 

 

Seungkwan could only stare on at his two best friends with his mouth wide open before slowly shaking his head and continuing to lead Vernon downstairs. “I’m just going to pretend I saw nothing.” 


	25. driving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the whole group goes on their group roadtrip and real feelings are brought to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for posting so late on update day...  
> i ran a little behind on this one... and tried to proof-read everything real quick so please tell me if there are any errors at all! 
> 
> there's about 4 chapters left, according to plan.

On morning after the party, the whole crew found themselves standing on the curb in front of their friend’s shared apartment. Each one of them were in various states of sleepiness with their bags and luggage carriers splayed carelessly across the sidewalk. Deciding to go on a trip right after their wild night of partying was definitely not a good plan and this idea would surely kick their asses later once the exhaustion set in. 

 

Vernon hadn’t slept well at all. Seungkwan had left sometime even earlier in the hours of the morning to prepare lunch boxes for the trip and on his way slipping out of bed, he had managed to wake Vernon up as well. He’d kept his eyes shut and pretended to sleep but he was completely conscious the whole time. Maybe he could convince his friends that those words from earlier didn’t hurt him, but convincing himself was much more difficult to do.

 

It wasn’t the comments about being gay that bothered him. He really couldn’t care less about what people thought about his orientation was after getting together with Seungkwan. Even he didn’t know how to explain it so much himself, so he didn’t care about what labels other people used in order to simplify things in their own minds. The comments towards his mixed race hit much harder though. 

 

Living in America had done wonders for making him forget the looks that he received while visiting Korea as a kid. He’d long past suppressed the feelings of panic and embarrassment from living his life under a microscope in this country. These days people didn’t stare at him as often when he walked down the street or rode the subway. Perhaps times were changing. Or maybe he was starting not to care. Yet at the same time, he was so used to living in his home country where people didn’t even bother to shoot him a second glance. He had grown up so far away from the stares of strangers judging every small move he made or didn’t even make that he had kind of taken it for granted.

 

He was still visibly different here as much as he tried to ignore the fact. The words spoken to him at the party shook him up much more than he’d ever admit. 

 

Tonight’s dreams consisted of unknown people watching him. Their eyes were dark and cold and harsh in judging every slight movement from his body. It seemed like everything he did wouldn’t be enough to please the strangers. Every breath he took was wrong. Even using his eyes to blink brought attention to himself. His whole existence alone wasn’t allowed. Then hands were everywhere; grabbing for his hair, opening his eyes for further inspection, with fingers pinching at his skin and commenting on the whiteness of it. It was like resorted back to his state as a cowardly child in his dreams, with all of the memories of his previous experiences all combined into one vivid nightmare. 

 

As he shakily woke up to the sound of his alarm snapping him out of things, he threw together his travel bag haphazardly and managed to make it across campus in time to meet his friends. No one seemed to question why he had a pair of sunglasses on so early in the morning when the sun wasn’t even fully up yet. Maybe in addition to his oversized sweatshirt hood up over his head, they just assumed that he was incredibly hung over like the rest of them and didn’t want to be bothered. 

 

Convincing Seungkwan was going to be much more of a difficult task. A sleepy Seungkwan is also an incredibly cuddly Seungkwan, which currently had him with his arms completely wrapped around Vernon’s middle and practically depending on him to keep him standing up. Apparently there was no other way to force himself to stay awake other than fooling around with Vernon. 

 

“Why are you even wearing these glasses?” Seungkwan questioned out as he tried to slide them down Vernon’s nose enough to see his eyes with a soft chuckle. “You never wear glasses so it looks kind of silly.” 

 

“I think I look very handsome.” Vernon replied back defensively as he shook his head quickly from side to side, making Seungkwan’s playful fingers fall away from his face. “Besides, I just wanted to wear them. My head kind of hurts right now.” 

 

His statement was partially true so he wasn’t technically lying but as soon as he saw worry wash over Seungkwan’s expression, he immediately felt guilty. The shorter male looked up at him with nothing but pure concern in his eyes, leaning up on his tiptoes a bit in order to place his palm against Vernon’s forehead. “Well, you don’t seem to be getting a fever…” Seungkwan’s head tipped to the side in a slightly adorable fashion as he held his lower lip between his teeth in thought. “But you didn’t drink anything last night so certainly you don’t have a hangover… How’s everything else feeling though? You’re not sick or anything, right?” 

 

Vernon could see how much he cared for him just by the look in his eyes alone. All of the incessant questions only furthermore proved that. Vernon found himself smiling softly down at Seungkwan as he shook his head dismissively. “No, I don’t feel sick at all. Just didn’t sleep well last night. If I can sleep a few more hours on the bus, I’m sure I’ll be fine soon.”

 

“Are you sure?” Seungkwan asked him again, still not too sure if Vernon was trying to downplay being sick in order not to ruin the trip. “I know that Jeonghan said no couples together on the bus but I’m sure he’d make an exception so I can look out for you.” 

 

“Seungkwan, I’m sure that I’ll be fine.” Vernon only furthermore insisted. “I just want to be alone for a little while and catch up on some proper sleep.” 

 

He noticed the worried look in Seungkwan’s eyes fading away slightly after he said that but he wasn’t completely off the hook yet. All it took was the lingering of his lips upon Seungkwan’s own for a soft kiss in order to fully convince him to stop all of his questioning. Although he was done trying to get answers out of him, Seungkwan’s arms kept themselves around his waist tightly, embracing him with everything he had in order to show that he cared. 

 

“Well, if your headache starts getting worse and you actually start to feel sick then you better tell me, Hansol Vernon Chwe.” Seungkwan had warned him slightly, pouting a bit as Vernon tried to assure him with another quick kiss. “Come and lean your head on my shoulder for a moment. I’m sure the bus will get here soon.” 

 

Vernon did as he was told this time as he tried to settle his worries down against his partner’s shoulder. As Seungkwan’s fingers slid the hood of his sweatshirt away and started carding through his hair, he visibly felt himself calming down under the soothing touches. He let out a long sigh that he didn’t even realize he had been holding and filled his lungs with Seungkwan’s intoxicating scent instead. His mind was still filled with bad thoughts but this was a little something to get his mind to start moving in the right direction. 

 

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that. It just felt right to let his mind completely shut off as he leaned against him. All he did know is that he practically had a heart attack when Mingyu pulled up in their mini bus and laid on the horn a solid ten times. Someone was far too cheerful for this early in the morning. 

 

“Come inside the Mingyu Mobile!” He hollered out as soon as the doors popped open, hands cupped around his lips to let his voice boom out even more. “Save the last row of seats to throw your shit in!” 

 

Jeonghan was the first to get up from resting on top of everyone else’s luggage, despite possibly being in the worst condition out of everyone from last night. “Seniors pick seats first, Chan included.” He decided as he pulled the youngest male in tow with him up into the bus, assumedly making him his bus buddy for the trip. Chan didn’t seem to mind at all. He just followed wordlessly and made sure Jeonghan wouldn’t slip while trying to climb the stairs. 

 

Wonwoo made his way to the front of the bus with a clipboard, looking rather disinterested with co-ordinating this whole trip but forcibly doing his job anyways. “So Mingyu will taking driving shifts along with Minghao. Junhui was supposed to help me organize everything this morning but he’s completely wasted and currently sleeping on Minghao’s lap. Both of them seem to be out of commission so I guess you’ll only have me to rely on. Please take it easy on me and try not to ask of too much.” 

 

Seungcheol approached the bus next while carrying his own oversized backpack and a smaller luggage. “Jihoon’s with me. Write that on your list or something.” He mumbled out behind a facemask, earning a raised eyebrow from Wonwoo. 

 

“No couples.” 

 

Jihoon appeared behind him with a scowl and arms crossed over his chest defensively. “We’re not a couple.” 

 

Wonwoo just let out a soft sigh as he shook his head. He wasn’t going to get involved. “Okay… I guess. Next would be Joshua. Hurry up and pick someone.” 

 

Joshua stood in front of the steps and took a quick scan across the group. Currently his only options would be to separate Seungkwan from Vernon’s waist somehow, or force Soonyoung and Seokmin to stop staring at each other with nothing but complete stupid looks on their faces. Either way, he’d be forcibly breaking up two intense duos and it wasn’t going to be an easy decision. 

 

“Uh.... Vernon, mind if I pick you?” Joshua asked out hesitantly with a polite smile, as if Seungkwan was going to glance back over his shoulder and send him a glare at the mere thought of being forced away from his cuddling session. He probably would have put up a fight if the seniors didn’t make the no couple rule in the first place, but because of this he just let Vernon go without even a small complaint. 

 

Despite being a little more mature about the situation than expected, Seungkwan still had his signature pout lingering on his lips. Vernon couldn’t help but to laugh a bit at his cute stubbornness, leaning down to ruffle his hair affectionately as he walked past in order to join Joshua. 

 

Wonwoo glanced up at his paper with a rather skeptical expression, not exactly liking to see the three remaining members of the group. “I’m only going to put you guys together if you promise no roadtrip sing-a-longs, no yelling, no cackling, no spontaneous dancing, and no other schemes. I’m begging you to save all of that for when we actually arrive on location or half of the hungover people on this bus will want to fight you with physical violence.” 

 

Seungkwan just slung his backpack over his shoulder with a scoff. “You don’t even have to lump me together with them in any of that. I’m deadass tired and I didn’t even drink last night. I don’t even know how they have this much energy already because they were both completely trashed just hours ago.” 

 

Soonyoung only caught up to him in order to nudge at his shoulder playfully. “Hey, are you gonna blame me for being in a better mood than usual? I’ve been so touched starved lately that I feel completely refreshed and far away from all of my previous frustrations just from a few little kisses.” 

 

“That wasn’t a few kisses. Your tongue was practically wrapped around his uvula.” Seungkwan groaned out, now finding himself reminded of the image he wanted to block out completely. “You know, now that I think about it- should I really be sharing a bus seat with you two? Have I become the third wheel? Wonwoo, should I be forced to sit between two of my best friends who currently have raging hormones towards each other?” 

 

Wonwoo blinked a few times in confusion before as he came to terms with all of this new information, a bit disinterested with hearing all of the gritty details. “That seems like a couple situation so yeah, I’m going to stick Seokmin with someone else. Or he can sit alone, which I personally think he won’t be able to do without making distracting side conversations with everyone else around him. We wouldn’t want to have that, so I’m going to stick him in with Jeonghan and Chan.” 

 

“What? We’re not going to be able to sit together?” Seokmin had finally came over once he heard his name brought up. “What’s the point on going on a road trip if I can’t even sit with my two best friends in the entire world? Besides, Soon and I aren’t even together-” 

 

“Then what in the hell did I witness last night?” Seungkwan asked in complete disbelief. 

 

Soonyoung leaned against Seungkwan’s shoulder and smiled at him cheekily. “It’s just a situation of being in the right place at the right time. I wanted to kiss someone and Seokkie just happened to be there.” 

 

“Actually…” Seokmin started to interrupt hesitantly. “We couldn’t find anyone else that was interested in hooking up with him in such a sloppy state so he ended up crying again in the hallway and claiming that he’d never find someone who liked him. He needed someone to fulfill his needs so I did what a good best friend does and gave him what he needed.” 

 

“That’s not what best friends do!” Seungkwan’s voice raised up another octave at the ridiculousness of this, trying to convince his friends that this was definitely not normal. “Yeah, it might have started this way but you’re just going to keep kissing and end up dating like a week from now.” 

 

Soonyoung locked eyes with Seokmin and just shrugged in unison. They were most likely fine with all of this happening someday. 

 

“But as for now, we’re only like friends with benefits.” Soonyoung pointed out as he let his arms drape around Seungkwan’s shoulders, trying to convince him into partnering up with them anyways as he blinked down at him with innocent eyes. “We promise to keep displays of affection around you private… at least during the bus ride.”  

 

Despite all of this, Wonwoo was stern to shake his head and deny all of their hopes and dreams of making this road trip all about the trio. “This trip is about spending time with everyone as a group, not just with your personal favorites. Soonyoung and Seungkwan can sit together now. Seokmin will go with Jeonghan and Chan. End of discussion.” 

 

With that, he turned on his heel and made his way into the bus to leave all three of them behind. Seungkwan was grinning to himself quite victoriously as he didn’t have to sit with his friends that would clearly flirt too much and make him feel uncomfortable the whole time. Seokmin and Soonyoung consoled themselves with an overdramatic hug and mock crying as they made their way into the bus behind him. 

 

After they had dumped all of their bags into the back of the slightly cramped vehicle, Vernon had taken a seat next to Joshua with Soonyoung and Seungkwan choosing to sit in the row behind them. Seokmin had decided to slide into the crowded seat that Chan and Jeonghan were already occupying, earning a subtle glare from the youngest male before he was put to use as Jeonghan’s new body pillow. 

 

As Vernon untangled his headphones out of his pocket and finally slid off his sunglasses, he noticed that Joshua had his eyes on him quite intently, as if he was looking for something without directly asking. Vernon turned to him with a raised eyebrow in question for him to explain. 

 

“Ah, I was just wondering…” Joshua glanced away quickly, almost slightly embarrassed to be caught in the act. “You left the party pretty early last night so I thought maybe something happened. But then again, you left with Seungkwan and he seems fine so... I guess nothing happened after all?”

 

He could see the genuine concern on Joshua’s face as he was asking. He knew wasn’t just asking out of curiosity in learning some new gossip like some of their other friends would. Although Vernon knew why he was kind of in a funk today, he knew he’d get over it shortly. He’d pretend nothing was wrong in order to prevent anyone else from asking him any more questions. 

 

Vernon just smiled and shook his head. “Nah, it’s really nothing. We just wanted to head home early enough to prepare for the trip. Plus everyone was completely drunk besides us and it was kind of funny to watch at first but then it just seemed kind of sad?” As he admitted this with a bit of sarcasm, he let out a laugh as he visibly noticed the older male’s cheeks start to flush at the reminders of what he had actually done last night. “Body shots off Junhui, huh? Never thought I’d hear about you doing something like that ever.”

 

“Hey, I took one off of Jeonghan too!” Joshua made sure to point out quickly in an attempt to save somewhat of his pride before looking quite defeated. “But uh- yeah, that did happen. I blame Jeonghan for cheering me on to join him. He made a point that since it’s our last time to made bad college decisions I should do something dumb and crazy just for the sake of doing so. I can’t say I’ve ever done anything even remotely close to that ever before so… cross that one off the list, I guess.” 

 

“Relax, I didn’t even see anything. Just the aftermath of a very defeated looking Junhui.” Vernon tried to assure him as he leaned up in his chair slightly, trying to sneak a look at the male in question. “By the way, how even is he? He looked half dead when I walked past him in the front seat.” 

 

Joshua just let his shoulders shrug upwards. “He bounces back the best out of all of us. He’s got too much energy for his own good. Either way, we packed all of the headache relief pills we could accumulate throughout all of our places into one stash. I’m sure those will be greatly needed later.” 

 

“Any progress with Minghao last night?” Vernon asked out of simple curiosity, earning nothing but a silent shake of the head from Joshua as the vehicle revved up and started moving towards the destination of their trip. 

 

After a few small comments about what they were going to do today and a few complains from Vernon being unaware of their mystery location, they both slipped in their earbuds and relaxed against the worn leather seats of the bus. Sleep soon overtook their consciousness as bright summer sunlight started to shine through the windows and seep onto their skin, warming them up in the most pleasant ways. The last thing Vernon remembered was Joshua’s head lolling onto his shoulder. He didn’t mind at all. 

  
  


. . . . . 

  
  


The next time he cracked his eyes open was as the bus pulled down a bumpy gravel filled road, shaking him fully away from his sleep by the uneven motions of the vehicle. Surrounded by thick trees in almost a complete setting of wilderness, Seoul City seemed clearly left behind from where they were now. If Vernon were to make an accurate guess, he would have said they just drove three hours to vacation in the middle of nowhere. 

 

His friends were seemingly starting to wake up from their naps as well, with countless questions to whether this was actually their final destination or what they would actually doing here. Before they could start complaining about ending up here instead of Busan, or various bickering about what they were doing in an actual forest, a much more positive and rested Jeonghan made his way to the front to explain. 

 

“Listen up so that I don’t have to repeat myself!” Jeonghan announced to everyone as he glanced (or glared) around the bus, making sure all personal conversations had ended before continuing on. “The senior members decided on this location based on majority vote, and somehow the idea of going camping actually won. I’m personally scared to death about spending a night in the woods and being stabbed by Jason or a bear or something, but Seungcheol and Joshua really wanted to do this so… I decided to be nice and agree on it.” 

 

Jihoon squinted his eyes at Jeonghan from where he was seated. “Couldn’t we have maybe done a vote of who would actually like to participate or not before we were forced off and literally dropped in the middle of nowhere?” 

 

As Mingyu made a sharp turn onto a very narrow road, Jeonghan had to clutch onto a seat in order not to be propelled sideways as well. “I know some of you have complaints about camping like I do, or you’d prefer to be somewhere else completely but that’s not the reason why we’re taking this trip in the first place. It’s to spend some quality time together before some of us go our separate ways. The location shouldn’t matter if we just want to make some good memories.” 

 

“Besides, it’s gonna be fun, guys.” Seungcheol tried to reason with everyone. “We can have a barbeque cook out for dinner, run around the woods at night, tell ghost stories, set of fireworks, hell- we can practically do anything we want out here.” 

 

“Like streaking in the forest!” Mingyu yelled over his shoulder. 

 

“Oh!” Soonyoung spoke up, practically bouncing in his seat. “We can go hunting for frogs or snakes!” 

 

Wonwoo turned around with an excited grin. “Bug catching, anyone? I packed my kit.” 

 

Somehow during his nap, Junhui had found the willpower to wake up despite still being positioned on Minghao’s lap. “Smores. We need smores or I will riot and go home pissed.” 

 

Knowing Seungkwan all too well, it would only take a few seconds more for his over enthusiastic boyfriend to join in on all of the excitement. “Oh, I got one!” Seungkwan added onto their list. “Late night sing-a-long by the fire!” 

 

“Alright, alright.” Jeonghan nodded his head in approval, confirming all of their ideas so far since he was the person in charge of doing so. “I’ll try to remember everything so we can spend time doing something that each and every one of you wants to do today. If you have any other elaborate camping fantasies, feel free to yell them out anytime.”

 

Mingyu drove them into a small piece of land that was specifically reserved and upkept for the public to rent out on camping trips. It was nothing special. Just a little clearing of space with a few picnic tables, a mini grill, and enough spikes in the ground to secure a tent from blowing away. Luckily, the seniors had chosen a more private area rather than a community style of camping, where surely their group of friends would wreck havoc on all of the poor families staying there. 

 

After finding the tent somewhere in the back of the bus, Vernon was given the task to somehow construct it along with Jihoon and Soonyoung. He’d never had experience camping ever in his life. He’d probably only climbed into one of the tents at the department store just once. Jihoon wasn’t into the idea at camping at all and considering sleeping in the bus instead because it seemed safer. Soonyoung was perhaps too enthusiastic about camping and suggested that they just slept outside under the stars instead. Vernon wouldn’t have considered himself to be the type that was“too-good” for camping, but the only way he was going to do this was with a properly constructed tent. 

 

They couldn’t look up directions online due to the lack of service and the confusing guide that they did have was passed around countless times by the whole group and became a wrinkled mess. Eventually the tent was built securely after a group effort of all thirteen of them put in a bit of their personal say. 

 

Vernon stood back to get a good look at their finished project but only found himself growing more confused than before. “Are you sure this tent can really fit all of us?” He asked cautiously as he surveyed the tent. “It seems kind of… cramped.” 

 

“Oh, silly. It’s supposed to be cramped.” Jeonghan insisted like he found the answer completely obvious. “I bought a 10 person tent even though we have 13 people because I figured that we’d just make up for it with all of the couples in the group. I’m sure you and Boo can get all up and close with each other for the sake of saving space.” 

 

Jihoon was blank faced as he listened to Jeonghan’s completely unintelligent reasoning. Slowly he raised a finger to point to Mingyu. “This one takes up the space of two people. Kick him out.” 

 

Mingyu gasped like a fish dying for air as he held his hand over his heart. “I literally just drove hours to bring you guys here and honestly, this is a direct attack to me!”

 

Somehow through their tent construction, Wonwoo had taken a seat on the grass and started picking out various weeds. “He’d survive. Mingyu actually fends well in nature.” 

 

Junhui actually found most of this conversation to be really funny, laughing to himself while clapping wildly. “Hey, if Mingyu is too big then you might as well throw me out too, as well as Wonwoo and Minghao. Seungcheol’s shoulders are wide enough to equal two people, so I guess he’s left outside too.” 

 

They continued joking around and gently picking on each other as they unloaded all of the necessary bags of supplies and luggage onto their little campsite. Shortly after, the tent became packed with everyone’s sleeping bags and blankets, temporary stakes to land that would surely be fought over later that night. Vernon positioned his stuff in one of the far corners with Seungkwan’s stuff right beside him. 

 

After nearly an hour of unpacking all of the essentials of bug repellents, snacks, game items, and even rolled joints, they all crammed into two picnic tables and started digging into the boxed lunches that were prepared hours before. Still feeling quite off from the stressful night of dreams before, Vernon didn’t have much of an appetite. The sun was heating up as the day stretched in the afternoon and he was getting a little more irritated because of the humidity. He just wanted to resort back to the cool shade inside of the tent and escape for just another hour or so of sleep. 

 

Without really realizing it, Seungkwan had been leaning forward slightly from the seat across from him, holding his chopsticks with a piece of kimbap in between for Vernon to try. “Hansol-ah, try this one!” He insisted quite excitedly as Vernon just let him push the food past his lips. “How is it?” 

 

After chewing down the whole piece of food, Vernon just shrugged his shoulders as a reply. “It’s pretty good. All kimbap kind of tastes the same to me though.”

 

“Oh, okay. Yeah, I can get that.” Seungkwan responded back a bit hesitantly, sinking back down into his own side of the bench to go back to his own food again. “I was just wondering if it tasted different or something because I made it myself…”

 

“It’s good, I’m just not really hungry…” Vernon stood up a bit awkwardly, sensing that he had somehow hurt Seungkwan’s feelings a little by not wanting to try anymore of the food he worked so hard to prepare. He knew he wasn’t acting like himself. Surely, he’d get over this attitude shortly but he still wanted to be alone and process his thoughts for a little longer. “I’m going to back to the tent to sleep a little more I think.”

 

He watched as Seungkwan blinked up at him in slight confusion. “Are you sure? Want me to wake you up if we do something?”

 

Vernon just shook his head back and forth in denial of the offer as he simply turned around and made his way into the empty tent for some peace and quiet. He curled up into himself while clutching one of Seungkwan’s pillows against his chest for comfort. Physically, he wasn’t tired at all but definitely mentally. He just wished his stubborn thoughts would go away if he managed to sleep. He knew he was being sensitive and moody and kind of hated himself for it, but more than that, he hated himself for not being able to shake it off for the sake of having fun with his friends. 

 

After popping in his earphones and listening to some of his songs with eyes shut, it was pretty clear that sleeping wasn’t going to happen. He could still hear the excited chatter and laughter from all of his friends right outside the tent and if he turned his music up any louder, he’d definitely not get any sleep. So he just decided to enjoy his music and come to terms with his thoughts alone. Music had always managed to fix things in the past. 

 

He was probably only alone for thirty-minutes or so before the sound of someone unzipping the tent caught his attention. His first instinct was to just pretend he was asleep and hopefully be left unbothered but that wasn’t going to be possible. Someone pressed their hand on his shoulder and crouched down by his form, gently leaning down to come and check up on him. It was Seungkwan. 

Seungkwan was always the exception. Even if he wanted to be alone, he’d always open up for Seungkwan. 

 

As he opened his eyes and turned somewhat in his direction, it seemed like Seungkwan visibly let out a sigh of relief as he smiled down at him sweetly. “You don’t have to wake up for me. I just wanted to check on you again.” He spoke to him in a slightly whisper as the palm of his hand pressed against his forehead yet again, as if to check for a fever. “You can say that you’re not sick all you want, but something seems wrong to me, Hansol. You’re acting so different than your usual self. I just want you to tell me if you really don’t feel good or something.” 

 

Seungkwan’s eyes were practically pleading for him to open up and tell the truth already, to the point where Vernon almost felt his own lower lip start to quiver. His heart just wanted to open up and let all of his worries and fears spill over in one second. But his pride wouldn’t let him look weak, especially not in front of Seungkwan. He was the one who was supposed to protect him, to sheild him away from all of the problems of the world and take care of him to the best of his ability. How could he even do that if he was on the verge of breaking down himself? 

 

“I’m not sick.” Vernon confessed, clearing his throat to prevent his voice from shaking. “I don’t have a headache. I’m not tired at all. Physically, there’s nothing wrong with me.” Before Seungkwan could part his lips to speak or ask the question about what exactly was wrong, Vernon was quick to grab hold of his sleeve within his fingers. “Can you just lay with me? Stay with me for a little while?”

 

Without even nodding or saying he’d do so with words, Seungkwan carefully climbed over Vernon’s body to join him in lying down, choosing to roll over on his side so they could be facing each other completely. Seungkwan reached out to him, fingers lightly brushing over his cheek in the most caring way. This somehow reminded Vernon of the comfort of being a kid again. It was similar to how he felt when he’d come home crying about some insignificant problem and his parents would be there to caress his cheek just like this and make him feel safe all over again. Everything would be alright again. Whatever was going on now would be over in a moment and then gone. 

 

Suddenly overwhelmed by his emotions, he reached out for Seungkwan and drew him closer in his arms, clutching onto him with everything he had not to let go. Without asking anything more, Seungkwan only furthermore brought himself into the hold and wrapped his arms securely around Vernon’s form, to the point where even their legs were completely tangled up within each other. And Vernon clutched onto him like his life depended on it. 

 

Feeling his eyes stinging with hot and frustrated tears ready to spill over, Vernon suppressed them with everything he had as he brought his face back to face Seungkwan’s own. “Can you kiss me?” He asked out quite shakily, not confident enough to fool either of them that everything was okay right now. 

 

The other male brought his lips upon his own, pressing a gentle kiss there before pulling away after only a few seconds. Vernon hadn’t even let his eyes close in time to full feel it. His fingers clutched into the material on the back of Seungkwan’s shirt. 

 

“Kiss me. Like you care about me.” 

 

His words were demanding, as if he were using his upset feelings in order to manipulate the other, but he felt completely vulnerable right now. He needed the attention. He wanted to feel needed. He wanted Seungkwan to wash all of his worries away with his affection alone. 

 

So that’s what Seungkwan did. His fingers moved to Vernon’s chin with the most gentle touch as he tipped his neck back slightly, angling their lips at a better angle to collide with each other. He wanted Seungkwan to make him forget. So he kissed him hungrily, using the male’s willing body to help distract himself from all of the insecure and negative thoughts in his mind. When Seungkwan lightly allowed himself to deepen the kiss by sucking down on his lip, he responded even more passionately with a bite. As Seungkwan’s hands moved along his back with a massaging touch, Vernon slipped his own hands under the male’s shirt to scratch his fingernails along the curvature of his spine. While Seungkwan shivered and let out a gasp, Vernon would take the opportunity to push his tongue past his plump lips. Anything to forget. 

 

Even when the need to breathe became too strong, Seungkwan had only pulled a little bit away before Vernon moved to roughly kiss him again, their teeth bumping into each other slightly painfully for a moment before lips returned to lips again. They kept it up a little longer before Seungkwan tried to pull away again but Vernon instantly moved to suck down on the male’s neck. 

 

“Hansol,” Seungkwan breathed out heavily and tiredly, somewhat tipping his head to the side that Vernon was sucking on as if he was trying to fight against the tickling sensation. “What are you doing?” 

 

Vernon ignored the small whimper that left Seungkwan’s lips at he sunk his teeth down slightly into the skin, nipping at him with his teeth to only further make the love bite he was giving much more noticeable after the fact. “I need you, Seungkwan… I need you so much…” He whispered out to him against the skin that he was done abusing, pressing more gentle and wet open-mouthed kisses to the area after sucking on it so long. “I want to feel how much you need me too.” 

 

“This isn’t right, Hansol.” Seungkwan had said like he had seen exactly though him this whole time, knowing that all of these physical actions were just overcompensating for something else. Even though Vernon had clearly heard his words, he’d chosen to ignore them completely and settled for letting his hand stroke down the sensitive skin of elder’s soft belly, traveling down further and ghosting over the front of his jeans as he tried to undo the first button. 

 

Instead of pushing him away, Seungkwan’s hand had moved to meet his own, responding by looping their fingers together in a tight hold. Before Vernon could even move to shake him off, he gripped their hands even tighter together and pressed a chaste kiss to Vernon’s lips one last time. “Hansol, let’s stop this. I know you’re trying to distract yourself from something else. It’s not healthy to do this… you can just tell me what’s wrong and we’ll figure out how to deal with it.” 

 

“Or you could make me forget about it...” Vernon found himself challenging back, but as soon as Seungkwan’s eyes met his own, he immediately found himself looking away from the male in an instant from guilt alone. He knew he had been using Seungkwan and even if Seungkwan was okay with it, that still didn’t mean that it was a good thing to get into the habit of doing. 

 

His partner let out a light sigh as he shook his head from side to side in disapproval. “Hansol, I’m not going to make you tell me what’s wrong if you don’t feel like doing so. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But you should know that  _ I _ know something is wrong, and as long as I know that,  _ I’m _ the one who’s going to be worrying senseless over you this whole time. Because I care about you so much that I’d do anything in the whole word to fix whatever problem you ever have and the fact that you didn’t want to come to me in the first place just breaks my heart completely.” He rambled on all of the sudden, breathing slightly heavily from the passionate words that just spewed out past his lips uncontrollably. “And I just- 

 

“I’m sorry.” Vernon interrupted him first, mumbling his words out quietly as he felt his own heart giving in to all of the emotions from before even though he had tried so hard to distract himself. His eyes were stinging again, with embarrassed tears already starting to pool up in his eyes and making his voice come out shaky. “I was upset and I wanted you to show me that you cared about me so I could get over my stupid fucking thoughts about how insecure I feel right now.” 

 

Although Seungkwan had been slightly frustrated and getting emotional just a few seconds prior, he was able to let go of all of his own feelings as soon as Vernon started opening up to him. Immediately, the concern was back into his own dark brown eyes, as if they were melting as they gazed into Vernon’s own for more questioning. “You’re insecure? About what, Hansol? Let me know what’s on your mind. If it’s about what that girl from last night said-” 

 

“Not exactly.” He admitted completely honestly, feeling the hot tears of shame and weakness start to prickle at his eyes irritatingly as they formed fully and started making their way out of his eyes. Seungkwan’s eyes were on him made every tear that cascaded down his skin ever so more noticeable. “It’s just a fucking stupid thing to get upset over but the whole part about me being a halfer that everyone only wants to treat like an object gave me so many fucking nightmares last night and I’ve been really anxious all day because I’m constantly thinking about it.” 

 

“That’s not stupid at all, Hansol. If that’s really what’s bothering you, then it’s important and it’s perfectly fine to be upset over.” Seungkwan said calmly as he reached out to wipe away one of Vernon’s tears off his cheek before he rolled onto his side and tried to hide away from the touches. 

 

“I thought I was getting over it but I guess not. I shouldn’t care at all, but yet I’m still here crying like a fucking child at twenty-one years old.” He found himself admitting bitterly, moving a hand upwards to angrily wipe at the stubborn tears that had managed to slip out. “And now I’m here wondering if people only look at me like I’m some sort of exotic thing to make friends with. Do my own friends even like me or am I like a foreign accessory to them? Am I ever going to fit in anywhere or will I always keep fighting to be one side over the other?” 

 

It took Seungkwan a while to answer, but eventually he was resolute in the answer he gave Vernon. “We love you so much, Hansol. I can’t relate to how you feel because I haven’t lived like you, but I can assure you that everyone in this group cares about you so much to the point where it doesn’t even matter what you look like. You could look completely Korean like us, or only white, or something even completely different, and absolutely nothing would change about how much we all love to have you here with us in Korea. I don’t even have to ask them to know how each and every person outside of here would fight to make sure you feel welcomed and accepted. I can’t make up for what’s happened in the past, or assure you that it won’t happen again in the future, but I can assure you that you never have to go through it alone. Because I’m here with you. Because I… I mean- we, um we… care about you so much, Hansol. We’d do anything for you to make sure that you’re happy and comfortable here.” 

 

As Seungkwan’s eyes were slightly glazed over and teary from conjuring up all of the emotions that it took to confess that all to him as well, Vernon felt himself truly unraveling from all of the feelings he tried to suppress within his own heart. All of his worries and fears came out of him in one second alone. As tears from hidden memories started to make their way to the surface, Seungkwan was there to accept everything he had with no judgement and no more questions asked. Secure arms were wrapped around him again, with soft caresses to his cheeks, attentive fingertips to blot away his tears, and an endless amount of sweet nothings whispered into his ears.  

 

Vernon knew that Seungkwan’s feelings towards him weren’t just skin deep. He’d accept everything. The good, the bad, the ugly. He’d probably accept it all as long as it was purely Vernon. And now that Vernon had fully tested and proven this to himself after countless times of worrying and questioning his real dedication into this relationship with another male, he also realized something very important about Seungkwan today. 

 

He loved Seungkwan. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	26. burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the group's trip continues on as vernon opens his heart up a bit more, discussions about futures occur, and everyone has someone to set off fireworks with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is a bit long, since i'm trying to get everything out before chapter 30.  
> you might have to read it in two sittings because it's almost 3k more than usual.   
> it took me forever to sit down an write this because i didn't want it to end. 
> 
> also, um this is just a shot in the dark but does anyone have a vip ticket for diamond edge in new york i could purchase? after getting scammed twice i STILL dont have vip and i would do anything to actually hold seungkwans hand and tell him how much he's loved? its my dream... please help me...

Vernon told Seungkwan everything that day. 

 

With just the two of them together and huddling close in the tent, Seungkwan gave him all the space he to let out all of his emotions physically before letting him take a deep breath and work things out into words. He didn’t stop Vernon from recounting all of the numerous occasions where experiences about his mixed race seemed to get to him, starting from childhood to how everything accumulated and got him to where he was today. He didn’t interrupt with any unnecessary questions, and never tried to change to topic to something else in order to lighten the mood. Vernon liked that about him. 

 

With his deep and dark eyes simply watching him with complete attention as he spilled his heart out, it seemed like the words flowed out more unrestrainedly that way. 

 

He didn’t have to question if Seungkwan was still paying attention or not because it was so clear. The older male nodded his head in understanding along the way, or frowned sympathetically as he tried to reason with how it would be like to experience the same things, waiting with a gentle squeeze of his hand every time Vernon hesitated to recall parts of his story. 

 

It must have been almost a whole hour of Vernon just letting himself reveal everything. When he had confessed everything, he found himself almost at a loss of what to say next. He had no more encounters to share. Everything was out and in the open for Seungkwan to react to now. There was a slight restlessness from his side still lingering in the air as he simply stared over at the blond male from his own side of the pillow, taking a deep breath to finally send waves of relief to his nervous stomach. 

 

He’d never been so honest before. Surely, Seungkwan would accept him anyways but he still felt vulnerable nonetheless. And now when he was looking at the male from only the shortest distance away, a singular phrase kept resounding itself over and over again in his mind. After the flood of words that had just came out so recklessly, a calm silence took over almost immediately after Vernon had let everything out, with the both of them simply blinking back and forth at each other as they let all of the words to sink in. Yet even as quiet as things seemed now, that certain phrase was reverberating so loudly in Vernon’s thoughts. 

 

They both knew it was going to happen. It was only a matter of time before one of them fell first. 

 

Vernon loved Seungkwan. 

 

He expected the moment when he realized he loved another person for the first time to be scary. To give him the immediate urge to run away and get far away to clear his head and question if this was all real or not. In fact, realizing his feelings happened to be much more comfortable than he had been expecting. Perhaps it wasn’t really anything special or out of the ordinary at all. He was with Seungkwan like usual, with the male’s intent gaze so fixated on his own that it felt like a burst of warmth spread out from his heart to cascade over his entire body. Seungkwan gave him the most happy, protected, and fully relaxed feelings he had ever experienced in his whole life. 

 

Vernon wanted to hold the male’s cheeks within his own two hands and bring him even closer to see how beautiful he really was up close; inside and out. His fingers would caress his cheeks as his tan skin ever so subtly flushed under his own gaze, only reaffirming the strong connection between them that was all reciprocated back. He’d kiss him so carefully and so gingerly that his own feeling of love would somehow reach him in a way without words alone, only wanting to give back this overwhelming feeling in a way to thank him for letting him experience something so perfect like this.

 

He didn’t get around to doing that though. He’d kind of lost track of time within his own thoughts and barely realized that Seungkwan had started speaking to him again. Clearly, Seungkwan was not even aware of all of these thoughts happening in the first place. 

 

“I’m really touched that you wanted to tell me such personal stories, Hansol…” Seungkwan had started out as he reached for Vernon’s hand to hold within his own, intending to play around with his fingers. “Even though they’re not about such good moments in your life, I’m glad to learn more about you so I can understand you a bit more. Whether it be about the good, the bad, or in between, I want to know it all someday.” 

 

The unexpected touch from the male he had just been thinking about so intently caused Vernon’s heart to skip a beat suddenly, but he still let his hand be held as he felt his cheeks starting to grow hot. For some reason he felt caught in the act of thinking those type of thoughts to begin with. He cleared his throat and let out a small chuckle to distract him. 

 

“Then I hope I don’t run out of good stories to tell, huh? I wouldn’t want you to get bored of me someday.” 

 

Seungkwan was quick to pause and roll his eyes around slightly dramatically before continuing to squeeze at his fingers. “I don’t think that will ever happen, Hansol. Don’t even get your hopes up. Besides, you know I love to talk about anything and everything so as long as you’re there to be my listener, I think the both of us will be entertained by each other for a long time.” 

 

Vernon found himself smiling more at this, letting out more of a real chuckle this time as he found himself subtly scooting closer to Seungkwan. “How long do you want a long time to be?” 

 

He watched on as Seungkwan seemed to be biting back most of his smile at this question, pausing the ministrations to his hand as he glanced up and pretended to think. “How about forever? Is that okay?” 

 

Although there was a bit of a joking tone in his voice, it only became a realization for Vernon that he honestly wouldn’t mind keeping up something like this for a real long time to come. Forever was kind of a stretch but he honestly, from the very bottom of his heart right in this exact moment, he wouldn’t mind being with Seungkwan like this forever. He was young and dumb and inexperienced at all of this, but Seungkwan just made him happy. There was nothing wrong with wishing that they could keep this up for awhile longer. 

 

Vernon nodded and shot a toothy smile in Seungkwan’s direction for a split second before wrapping his arms around the smaller form tightly, closing the distance between them with a strong embrace that somewhat surprised the other male. As Seungkwan’s eyes widened as if he was asking what had gotten into him suddenly, Vernon was quick to explain with a slightly more timid smile this time. 

 

“Well… I think I wouldn’t mind that either.” 

 

He watched the somewhat shy smile grow on Seungkwan’s features as well before the other male moved to wrap his arms around his neck, only bringing their bodies even closer than before. “Then come and steal me away forever. See if I mind.” He said as if that were a challenge, encouraging Vernon even more so to let their faces come closer as well, to the point where their foreheads rested together and tips of noses brushed. 

 

Feeling a bit self conscious about his previous thoughts for a moment, he almost wondered if Seungkwan would be able to tell that his feelings had changed into something more like love. The elder male did have a way of being able to look into his eyes and know exactly when he was trying to hide something. As if this were a possibility, Vernon was quick to avert his eyes away from Seungkwan’s and shift his attention to the hand he had positioned on the male’s hip. 

 

He didn’t want to confess now. He’d never really felt like he loved another person past the level of family or friends before. Being unsure of what if he was feeling was real or not, he wanted to wait it out a little first and see what would happen… but if he said it now, would Seungkwan say it back? He probably would. Even if he wasn’t ready yet, he’d most definitely just say it to be nice. Yet if he really felt the same already, maybe there would be a way to coax it out of him. 

 

Before too much time could pass from getting lost in thought again, Vernon found his fingertips tapping against Seungkwan’s hip to get his attention. “For you to say something like that, it seems like you must like me a lot, huh?” He questioned out in a way that might still seem like casual joking around but he was clearly seeking some sort of validation. 

 

“I’d say liking you a lot would be a huge understatement and you know that.” Seungkwan admitted with a soft laugh, almost like it was the most clear and obvious thing in the whole world. Even though he found it amusing that he asked, there was a slight air of seriousness in his tone. “I adore you, Hansol so you better not forget that.” 

 

After a soft kiss from Seungkwan leaning up to press his lips against his own in order to convince him of this fact even more, Vernon let out a soft chuckle and rest their foreheads together again. “I know but I’m just… getting selfish about you. Sometimes I just want a little more than usual.” 

 

“How could I even show you more than I already do?” Seungkwan asked with a slightly amused laugh, almost like he couldn’t believe it. “Everyone already tells me that I look at you like you’re my whole world so maybe you’re the only one who can’t see it. Maybe I should start looking at you like you’re my whole universe instead?”

 

It wasn’t the exact answer he was looking for, but he was still satisfied nonetheless. “Hm… I’ll accept that for now.” Vernon decided as he found himself scooting closer to steal another kiss real quick. “And I’ll try to notice more. I promise.” 

 

As the end of his promise was mumbled against the other male’s lips, it seemed like the both of them were going to get a little distracted all over again. Seungkwan tried to go in for yet another kiss but Vernon lightly pushed him away. 

 

“Come on, let’s go out and do something.” Vernon explained after Seungkwan had let out a small noise of disappointment. “I feel like I wasted enough of the day being in a bad mood and now that I’m feeling much more relieved, I just really wanna get out of this tent.” 

 

“I think everyone else left though… they went off to explore the forest or something. Jeonghan wanted to check and make sure there’s no creepy serial killer-like cabins in the area. Seungcheol wanted to go and find animals or some creature to bring back to camp. Someone suggested climbing trees- which is actually a horrible idea and I guarantee you, someone will get hurt and end up without proper medical care….” Seungkwan listed off, stopping to take a breath at the end. “Maybe we’re lucky we didn’t end up going because it seems like a disaster waiting to happen.” 

 

“Yeah, plus you hate bugs or anything mildly scary so it seems like you got pretty lucky sitting this one out.” Vernon admitted a bit sarcastically as he found himself getting up from their tangled mess of blankets and back on his feet. Seungkwan scoffed at him but accepted his offer of an extended hand to join him on the way out of the tent. “Anyways, I’m sure we can find something fun to do with just the two of us left here.” 

 

“I had a perfectly good idea of staying with you in the tent and kissing you for a bit longer but I guess let’s forget about that one.” 

 

Vernon paused in his steps to turn around quickly, mocing to place a sudden kiss to Seungkwan’s lips before smiling down at him. One eyebrow raised up in questioning. “Satisfied now?” 

 

His boyfriend tried to hide the way that the unexpected actions seemed to rile him up slightly, using his witty personality to hide the surprise on his face. “Just one kiss isn’t going to get me too excited, Hansol Vernon Chwe. You’re going to have to try much harder than that.” 

 

Vernon just laughed at him amusedly for a moment before his smile turned into more of a playful grin. If Seungkwan wanted to play this game, then maybe he could even beat him at it. “Then what does get you excited, Boo?” 

 

“You.” Seungkwan was quick to reply before Vernon decided to take two more steps into his personal space, then the confident glint in his eyes quickly averted away and found themselves focusing on the ground instead. 

 

He normally didn’t get the upper hand on Seungkwan too often, especially not when it came to their teasing (or basically flirting) sessions that the elder male seemed too good to be beat at. He clearly liked to be the one to get Vernon all flustered and awkward so it was nice to see the tables turned at least once. 

 

Vernon smiled slightly proudly to himself as he leaned closer to Seungkwan’s form, letting his lips brush past the male’s cheek and over to his ear ever so slightly as he moved in to whisper. “That’s just the answer I wanted to hear from you, babe. You’re too cute and you know it, don’t you?” He let out a low chuckle as one of his hands reached upwards to ruffle at the male’s soft hair in adoration. 

 

“Hm, so what’s your point?” Seungkwan mumbled out, trying his best to remain straightfaced despite all of Vernon’s attempts. If anyone else had witnessed this, it would seem that nothing was out of ordinary but with their bodies so close like this, Vernon could practically tell that his breath was still hitched in his throat despite acting like nothing was wrong. 

 

Vernon lolled his head to the side slightly, only pulling back enough to let his eyes meet with Seungkwan’s own again. “I’m just trying to say here... you can act as coy as you want but I’m always going to be able to see through you. You can try to test me but…” As his words trailed on, so did his hands;  smoothing themselves down the small of the elder’s back to take hold on his hips. He paused as he saw Seungkwan gulp. “...now I can see what really gets the best of you.” 

 

As the other male’s lips parted to reply something, Vernon’s hands dipped even lower this time, taking purchase on the male’s backside as he cupped him fully with his hands. Seungkwan immediately hid his face within his boyfriend’s chest and started to lightly punch at him, yet for some reason decided not to move and get away at the same time. “Hansol Vernon Chwe-” He started out to scold him, his voice slightly higher pitched than usual due to the shock factor. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” 

 

“Two can play at your little game, Seungkwan.” Vernon let him know as he laughed entertainingly, using his hold on the male to bring him even closer, so close that their bodies were fully pressed against each other. “You might have been able to tease me all you want before, but now I’m starting to learn exactly how to get the best of you too.” 

 

Before he could say anything else, Seungkwan was the one to make the next bold move of grasping to the collar of his t-shirt firmly in order to pulling Vernon’s lips upon his own. The kiss started off slightly rough and hard, with all of the tensions of their previous teasing building up as lips desperately sought each other out. The shorter male’s lips actively moved against Vernon’s own, coaxing the other to melt into the touches and give in to his affection all so sooner. All it took was the subtle nipping of his lower lip between Seungkwan’s teeth that made Vernon’s hands slide further down to settle inside his jean pockets. He gave him a firm squeeze that had produced an ever so quiet mewl from his boyfriend’s lips. The sound alone had Vernon contemplating about whether returning back to the tent really was a better idea after all. 

 

The rustling of bushes nearby made Vernon freeze up completely, with Seungkwan’s head twisting around to hear where the nose came from. Suddenly the hoard of their friends decided to come marching out of the woods all at the same time, leaving the two of them together to be quite caught in the act like two deer caught in the headlights. 

 

“Shit, I knew it!” Soonyoung stopped to snap his fingers. “I knew that they were gonna get into more fun than us if we left them behind.” 

 

Almost immediately, Vernon literally took his hands off of Seungkwan’s ass and stuck his hands in his pockets instead. It was kind of too late to clarify anything though. There were enough catcalls and cheers from his friends that made it absolutely certain that they had seen most of that.

 

Jeonghan had his arms crossed over his chest as he let out a long sigh, yet he still had a smug expression on his face. “I thought I was being nice when I decided to let you two stay behind, but I guess Vernon’s feeling much better now, huh? Seems like this really is turning into a couple trip for some of us.” 

 

“Uh, yeah.” Vernon cleared his voice a bit awkwardly. “My uh- my headache is all gone now.” 

 

Soonyoung found himself leaning against Jeonghan’s shoulder with an equally mischievous expression on his face. “You know, I heard a little something about orgasms making physical pains lessen. That might have been something you’ve learned through personal experience today maybe?” 

 

Seungkwan was quick to unattach himself from Vernon’s side and make his way over to his stupid best friend instead, locking him into a tight headlock as he tried to momentarily choke him out with mumbled words about never saying anything like that ever again. Seokmin made his way over to mediate the scuffle but only found himself wrapped in a headlock as well after trying to assure Seungkwan that it was a perfectly normal thing to do with Vernon at this stage in their relationship. 

 

“I know I said this wasn’t a couple trip…” Jeonghan started out slowly, narrowing his eyes for a moment as he was deep in thought. “But now that I think about it, don’t most people lose their virginities on trips like this? Isn’t that like a teen movie trope? People like to fuck in nature because it’s romantic or something.” 

 

Seungcheol had paused to think to himself as well, responding back with a nod. “Well, I guess you have a point there.” 

 

After a few more minutes of contemplating, Jeonghan tapped his finger against his chin. “Well, I did pack condoms and lube just in case. If anything happens or if anyone needs any help, I’m here to assist in anyway that you need me. I just want to put that offer out there… you know, perhaps in case there was someone who didn’t know much about homosexual relations in the bedroom…” As the elder male trailed on and slowly moved to glance over at Vernon, who immediately looked over at Joshua for help. 

 

The other American male just looked at him sympathetically but still laughed softly at his expense. “Sorry, but you kind of put yourself in this situation, Vern. Just because he’s my boyfriend doesn’t exactly mean that I can hold him back.” Joshua spoke in English only for him to understand.

 

“That means you know exactly how to make him stop though--” 

 

Joshua kept laughing under his breath at Vernon’s frustration, his expression coming off as much similar to Jeonghan’s own as if they had been spending too much time together these days. “I never knew you were an ass man though. I would have expected the opposite.” 

 

“...I will actually choke you too.” 

 

“And I think I’m disgusted?” Jihoon managed to choke out, all of the open talk about this subject kind of making him look quite flustered. “Why would you even bring those things if we’re all going to be together in the same tent tonight?” 

 

Jeonghan placed his hand down on his shorter friend’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, little friend. I’m fully willing to offer my help to you as well. After all, you seem to be a bit insecure about opening up yourself to the simple desires that everyone else has. And if we’re speaking honestly, I have to admit that I’ve had my own fantasies of getting up to some trouble out while out in nature, but then I remembered one valuable thing. Those who fuck in horror movies always get killed first. That totally killed off all my libido.”

 

As Jihoon was forced to listen to all of this, he only grew more red in the face and visibly more discomforted as he was being exposed to all of this information he didn’t want to know about his hyung. If anything, Junhui only found himself growing more interested in Jeonghan’s over sharing of information that he made his way over to start asking questions, with a rather disinterested Chan just walking over beside him to see what was so exciting. 

 

Wonwoo walked up to Vernon quite intently, rushing over to him to show him something that was clutched carefully between his own two hands. “All we could find was a frog but we’ve decided to keep him until we leave.” 

 

Vernon just squinted his eyes down at the amphibian a bit hesitantly before reaching out to poke at it just once. He wasn’t exactly sure why Wonwoo was so excited about this, but he didn’t exactly want to burst his bubble either. “Um… nice?” 

 

“We should name it.” Mingyu decided as he came over to start poking at the creature as well. “I was thinking we should name it Minghao since he won’t stop sending me pictures of kermit and it was kinda funny at first but now it’s just getting annoying.” 

 

The taller male let out a gasp as someone kicked at his knee from behind, almost sending him tumbling down from the unexpected blow. Minghao grinned from ear to ear as he joined in on the conversation. “I heard you talking about me and honestly, I would be honored.” 

 

“You’re honored?” Mingyu raised an eyebrow upwards in questioning, something of a playful laugh leaving his lips. “If you’re so into frogs then, why don’t you kiss it and see if it turns into Wen Junhui? Maybe then you’ll finally be able to make a move already.” 

 

Almost immediately, Vernon noted the way the shock flicker through Minghao’s eyes as he had realized that the taller male had said all of that outloud and at quite a loud volume at that. Quickly glancing behind him to see if the male in question had overheard, he instantly moved to  playfully whacking at his friend’s chest in retaliation for exposing him like that.

 

“Alright, everyone calm down for a moment…” Seungcheol started out, having to raise his voice a little higher than usual due to everyone being immersed in their own side conversations. “I’m seeing a few of you actually physically attacking each other so I’m going to take the time to interrupt that and suggest something else instead. Soccer anyone?” 

 

As he held up the ball with a hopefully grin, Soonyoung suddenly charged up to him in order to kick the ball out of his hands and launch it across the campsite. “Hyung team vs. Dongsaeng team!” He announced excitedly as he ran after the ball that landed somewhere in the bushes. “Hurry up and divide before I get back or the losers are sleeping outside the tent!” 

 

And with that, all of the athletic members of their group and even the not so athletic ones found themselves running over to join him. It didn’t take long for them to fully work themselves up and fully immerse themselves in the game. They all had far too much energy so this would be a good outlet. Being close friends only meant that things got real competitive real quickly though, with a lot of friendly pushing and shoving and even some witty insults being exchanged.Just like Vernon remembered in middle school gym-class, some people just got way too invested. Mingyu was such a person, along with Soonyoung and Chan. They were practically tripping over their own teammates legs just to get a chance to touch the ball and spike it off into the woods. 

 

“HOMERUN!” Mingyu bellows out as he kicks the ball way past the hyung team’s goal area and sends it flying through the trees to get lost somewhere very far away. 

 

Goalkeeper Jihoon shakes just his head is disappointment and goes off to find wherever it went. “We don’t even say that here!” 

 

A very out of breath Jeonghan slumps on the ground, practically throwing himself down on the grass in exhaustion. “Oh, no.” He mumbled out in a clearly sarcastic tone. “The ball is gone. Lost forever. Guess we’ll have to quit now.” 

 

After playing for awhile under the early summer sun, the decision to stop playing was mostly a mutual one. Joshua had joined Jeonghan on the ground to start fanning at his face with a hand and almost everyone else had started to join them in a pile. Junhui let out a happy chuckle as he made his way over them and just decided to tackle Jeonghan with an affectionate hug. Chan was quick to join by sitting on Jeonghan’s thighs much like a small child would sit on their parent’s lap. Soonyoung and Seokmin fought with each other to get on top of the pile next. Finally, Seungkwan daintily sat himself at the top with a smug grin. 

 

Jeonghan let out a long groan and tried to roll away but failed. “You all know that I love you so much and I’m going to miss you dearly but if you don’t get off of me within three seconds, you’re going to meet a very unhappy Jeonghan that’s going to ruin the whole trip.”

 

Reluctantly, they all made their way off of the Jeonghan pile and just ended up choosing to rest their heads on his various limbs instead. Joshua took his shoulder, with Junhui’s head on his stomach, Chan on his right thigh, with Soonyoung and Seokmin fighting for the left. Seungkwan just gave up completely and settled for sitting on top of Vernon’s lap instead. 

 

As he settled back against his chest, Vernon securely wrapped his arms around Seungkwan’s waist and only pulled him closer. While pressing a soft kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek he only noticed how worked up into the game he had gotten now, with some of his blond fringe lightly sticking to his slightly perspiring forehead. “I never knew you liked soccer.” Vernon had mused out with a small smile, finding this to be kind of interesting. “You played even harder than I did and I’m the one who used to be an athlete.” 

 

“I don’t like soccer. I just like the competition.” Seungkwan pointed out with a grin. “Besides, I’m more of a volleyball fan. I can’t wait to take you to the court in Jeju and completely kick your ass.” 

 

“Oh really?” Vernon raised an eyebrow in questioning at this, kind of liking the way Seungkwan challenged him like this. As if they were in their own little world in this moment, he leaned closer to the shell of Seungkwan’s ear and whispered to him lowly. “Then play basketball with me someday and I’ll kick your fine little ass at that too.” 

 

He visibly noted the way that Seungkwan tried to stop himself from outwardly grinning at that comment before lightly swatting at his shoulder in a way to push away his more flirtatious attitude. Seungkwan could try all he wanted to act like he didn’t like Vernon whispering things to him while they were in the company of their other friends, but that clearly wasn’t the case. Vernon could see all too well as the apples of his cheeks would rise up in the ever so slightest way. It was actually kind of adorable that he tried to hide how much he inwardly liked to hear it.

 

Shortly after, one of their friends would start talking about something absolutely ridiculous and spew out nonsense all over again. Vernon found himself immersed in the whole group of his friends even though he was still holding Seungkwan, but sometimes he got a little distracted. When Seungkwan would let out a pretty laugh, he’d look down at him and wonder how in the world he got so lucky to be in love with such a beautiful person. As much as his mind happened to wander, he had to remind himself that this was still a group trip and the two of them would have all the time in Jeju to get lost in themselves with. 

 

The feeling that washed over Vernon was kind of peculiar. This current moment seemed similar to high school basketball practices with his old team used to finish. They often laid around like this after a particularly strenuous day of practice, exhausted against the sticky gym floor as they huddled around their phones and talked about that week’s parties or which girls they hooked up with recently. That star basketball athlete label that seemed like his whole reason for existing in that small little town, with those loyal teammates who were supposed to be his brothers forever and then abandoned him to go their own ways after graduation. 

 

Although this was similar in some ways, the feeling that Vernon experienced right now was all too different. He trusted these people. He genuinely loved the friends he had made here. He felt truly happy and completely at peace with them. Maybe this was everything he’s ever wanted. To simply fall in place with a group of people who truly understood him, with no pressure to conform to any labels or standards in order to gain acceptance. He could just be himself here. It was liked everything clicked inside of himself suddenly. He finally felt so free. 

 

Making the split decision to uproot his previous life and start all over again in Seoul almost seemed like a miracle if he thought back on it. This was his new home away from home, and he made this his home within the people he met here. 

 

. . . . . 

  
  


As the day goes on and the warm sun slowly starts cooling down, the day turns into early evening. For a group of thirteen hungry boys, that’s the sign to start cooking dinner. After skipping most of his lunch, Vernon was actually starving and willingly helped out his friends by unloading their food hoard off of the bus. Not only had they packed the usual contents of junk food and snacks, but they really went all out this time by packing a whole cooler filled with meat to grill. 

 

Mingyu was working on the grill along with Wonwoo assisting him. It seemed like the taller male just couldn’t seem to catch a break as people kept surrounding him to check up on the process of the food and looming over him. “You guys make me nervous when you keep breathing down my neck. I can't work productively like this!” 

 

In order to get most of them out of the way, Seungcheol suggested that they start gathering enough materials to start a bonfire before it got fully dark. They had brought enough matches to light a pretty big fire with a little bit of fluid if they needed to splash some around for a bigger flame, but the lack of proper wood to burn might be a problem. Instantly, Soonyoung was there to lead an expedition into the forest to find the proper kindling. Apparently his family used to spend some time on a farm and he had experience with lighting things on fire before. Vernon didn’t know what that had to do with the topic of farming but he wouldn’t ask. 

 

Before the meat was ready, Wonwoo prepared some side dishes and rice for them to gorge themselves on before all the waiting drove them crazy. They practically attacked the table and finished up nearly everything before a very excited Mingyu brought over large servings of grilled meat and skewers to the table. After a day filled with so many high energy activities, they all seemed to eat in almost silence for the first few moments just in order to eat as fast as possible. Eventually people would start talking with their mouths full to start talking about stupid things all over again and they’d have to be careful not to laugh too hard and choke. And as for this time, Vernon let Seungkwan feed him as much as he wanted to in order to make up for pushing him away earlier. 

 

Soonyoung was the first to finish eating, perhaps because he was too excited about working on the next activity. As the rest of them finished up eating, it was almost like they were watching a show as they focused on the male perfectly preparing all of the materials to construct their fire pit. It was almost like making fires was his own personal art or something, as Soonyoung just got so into the placement of each and every little log that it was kind of peculiar to watch. 

 

He had somehow managed to take the lighter fluid out of Seungcheol’s jacket without anyone noticing and decided to sprinkle nearly the whole bottle for this one fire alone. Jihoon looked over at him with slight apprehension and turned back to the group. “Should we really let him.. do that? It seems kind of excessive...” He only managed to comment that much before Soonyoung was lighting a whole fist of matches and throwing them down, the bright orange blaze instantly searing up from the pile. “....Nevermind then.” 

 

There were a few gasps of what might be a mix of horror and awe, but quite a few of them rushed over from the picnic tables to get a closer look at the fire. Vernon and Seungkwan weren’t any of the people who get too excited about just a little flame. Eating was more important so they just continued feeding each other. Yet like it was the most exciting thing in the whole world, Soonyoung, Seokmin, Mingyu, and Junhui, dragged along a few more friends and made their way around the fire to started running around and chanting like a ritual. Along with how loud they were yelling, this behavior would definitely come off as strange if they were at a family campsite. 

 

“Guys, where’s the chocolate and marshmallows?” Junhui called out as he went back to the table to seek out the ingredients. “Stop eating so we can move on to the good stuff!” 

 

With Junhui’s temptation of starting dessert a little early, they all eventually make their way around the growing fire pit along with a few fold out chairs and blankets being brought out to rest on. As the sky grows dark a slight chill takes over the night, which makes sitting around the fire a much more comfortable option. They pass around a few warm beers around the circle to those who drink, limiting only two per each person since this wasn’t intended to be another drunken mess of a night. Vernon sits back in a chair and clinks his can along with his friends as they get settled in for the rest of the night. 

 

He’s content as he watches Seungkwan preparing two toasted marshmallows by the fire with the rest of his friends. As Seungkwan proudly grins to himself after Soonyoung and Seokmin both manage to set theirs on fire and burn them into ruin, Vernon finds himself smiling slightly to himself just from watching the sight alone. Their friends are loud and generally have no chill, but Vernon finds something so peaceful about tonight. Like everyone is exactly where they need to be tonight. 

 

Eventually Seungkwan makes his way back to Vernon’s side with two successful marshmallows on sticks. This time he’s changed into an oversized sweatshirt with a big logo of some street brand on the front, the piece of clothing undoubtedly belonging to no one other than Vernon himself. The temperature continues to get chillier as the night goes on so he uses that as an excuse to pull Seungkwan down onto his lap again. The smaller male blinks in questioning for a moment so he utters the excuse that he’s cold. Seungkwan doesn’t believe him but kisses him anyways. 

 

As they eat their smores and constantly have to heat more up on the fire, they all tell stories about the past few months and reminisce a little for old times sake. They mostly talk about the good stuff, like the funny moments they shared or even the embarrassing stories that would probably never be forgotten anytime soon. Despite all of the joking around and nostalgic memories being brought up again, there’s still something a bit sentimental about the atmosphere. Tonight would just end up becoming another memory to add to their collection. 

 

“Hey,” Mingyu started out, an amused grin already on his face before he could even bring up the next interesting story. “Remember the first month you met Joshua and  literally just called him chocolate boy the whole time because you weren’t sure you were pronouncing his name right?” 

 

Jeonghan just rolled his eyes around but found himself laughing along with him in good spirit. “But then I learned that he thinks my mispronounced English is cute so I went through all of that worrying for nothing?” 

 

“Why’d you even call me that anyways?” Joshua finally found himself asking out of curiosity now. “I never really understood that.” 

 

“Oh, well that’s easy.” Jeonghan turned to where he was sitting by his side and smiled at him quite affectionately. “Your eyes and hair are the same color, and your voice is so deep and soothing like a dark chocolate as well.”

 

“Nah, that’s not all.” Seungcheol made sure to speak up with a more mischievous glint in his eyes. “You said that when you kissed him for the first time, his taste reminded you of chocolate as well.” 

 

As the rest of their friends started laughing at his embarrassing comment, Jeonghan shot a mini glare at him before laughing a little bit at it himself. “Yeah but that’s totally cheesy and completely unlike my character. Im begging you all to please forget you that ever heard that.” 

 

“Oh, I have another story!” Soonyoung announced with a raised hand. “This one’s about Chan this time thought.” 

 

Jeonghan’s smile turned more devilish as soon as the attention was focused on someone else this time. “Go on. Expose my son.” 

 

Soonyoung wasted no time in leaning forward to start in. “Okay, so around the time that we had the first house party all together, I think that was like the first time that Chan had really seen you and Joshua together. Even I didn’t know him that well but as soon as I asked about why he was staring at you guys so intently he suddenly like told me his life story. Like he was saying that you’re best friends and he didn’t trust any guy near you without getting his permission first but I was like… ‘you’re like a fresh eighteen and Jeonghan is twenty-three so what are you talking about?’... and he was totally suspicious about it still. I told him that he shouldn’t worry about being replaced by Josh because he’s like the kindest guy we know but still, he proceeded to shoot little glares at him all night. It was actually the cutest thing ever.” 

 

As Soonyong kept talking about him, the slow pinkening of Chan’s cheeks seemed to reveal that this was all too true and he had been outed. He tried to shake his head in order to dismiss all of this, but in no time there were so many ‘awws’ of affection being aimed at him that he couldn’t even deny it anymore. “Hey, I didn’t- I mean, I didn’t glare at him but… yeah…I was jealous.” He mumbled out quite defeatedly as Jeonghan leaned over to pinch at his cheek and baby him. 

 

“Anyone got any dirt on Joshua?” Mingyu questioned out. “Something real funny that will furthermore convince Dino that he’s a pure soul.” 

 

Vernon’s shoulders shrugged up. “I walked in on him crying while watching Naruto once.” 

 

“Because it was sad!” Joshua was quick to insist in an attempt to save himself. “He finally met up with Sasuke again and it was like the perfect thing for my childhood nostalgia.” 

 

“One time I let him use some of my mouthwash.” Junhui spoke up, being the expert on roommate secrets. “He was practically in tears because he said it was spicy.” 

 

“Because it was like pure alcohol and my eyes were stinging from the fumes!” 

 

Exactly like he had asked for, Mingyu lightly patted Chan on the shoulder.  “Rest my case, kid. That only furthermore proves that he’s the nicest guy and a sensitive softie at that. You can trust Josh. He’ll probably only teach Jeonghan to be more kind in the end. Anyways, I have dirt to pick with Jeon Wonwoo!” He decided suddenly, the nice guy act clearly being tossed aside to move onto the next target. “He keeps waking up early in the morning to whisper to the plants and it’s kinda freaking me out.” 

 

“Science tells me that they will grow more successfully if you talk to them at sunrise. I have sources if you want to see.” 

 

Suddenly something clicked for Seungcheol as he snapped his fingers. “I heard that once when I was walking to the bathroom! It freaked me out and I called Jihoon like right after to ask him if he thought our place was haunted!” 

 

Jihoon smiled smugly to himself. “And I said you were probably too high or just dumb, remember?”

 

“Mystery solved, it was Wonwoo all along.” Jeonghan replied back with sarcasm although his shoulders shrugged completely carelessly. “Let’s make a deal that the creepy morning whispering stops, or you can move it to the balcony so everyone can sleep peacefully. I don’t want whoever replaces my spot to be freaked out.” 

 

Mingyu’s eyes lit up as he looked over at Seungcheol. “Oh, you already found a new roommate, hyung?” 

“Ah…about that.” Seungcheol started out, his eyes moving down towards the fire pit as he tried to think of a good way to explain this. “It’s not official yet but...” 

 

“I’m the new roommate.” Jihoon announced suddenly, a little fed up with the other male taking so long. “Instead of meeting someone completely new, I guess you’ll have to settle for me instead but at least we already know that we get along pretty well.” 

 

“Are you serious?” Mingyu’s eyes were wide as he blinked back and forth between the two males and when Seungcheol nodded with a sheepish smile, he quickly launched himself over to Jihoon and tackled him down in a big hug. “I’m so happy to welcome you into our place! You’re going to be the perfect little addition!” 

 

Despite not being the biggest fan of physical affection, Jihoon only smiled a little uncomfortably as he let his hands lightly pat Mingyu’s back. “This isn’t the exact reaction I thought was going to happen but… I don’t think I hate it?” 

 

Wonwoo was gladly smiling to himself as well as he watched the tallest and shortest members of the group share a very rare hug. “Well, you’re more quiet than Jeonghan so that’s a good thing. Plus I’m sure we’ll only have even more time to work on songs together.” 

 

“That’s perfect, guys. I’m sure you’re going to have a lot of fun…” As Jeonghan watched all of them with a genuinely happy smile, he slowly brought his knees against his chest as he rested more comfortably. Suddenly his head tipping to the side in thought. “It’s kind of funny though… how I’m the one who made the decision to leave but I’m still feeling a little bit envious. It’s like I’m missing out on something now.” 

 

As the reality that things were going to change as soon as they left this campsite were brought up again, a slightly bittersweet mood washed over everyone. Seungcheol bit down on his lip for a moment in thought as well before he quickly shook his head from side to side. “You’re not going to miss out on anything. I mean, as soon as you come home it’s going to be like everything starts over again just where we left off. We’re always going to have a place saved for you. Even if you only want to come back for a day or week, you always have a home with us.” 

 

When the words that were spoken like a promise started to sink in, Jeonghan nodded more firmly as he tried to convince himself of this too. “I don’t really know what I feel like, to be completely honest. I’m so happy to leave and go out to experience new things but I’m still sad at the same time?” He questioned out uncertainly with a slightly nervous laugh as he glanced up at the sky to distract himself. “It’s like I have no reason to cry because I chose this for myself, but at the same time I feel like crying sometimes.” 

 

“Because you’re scared.” Jihoon found himself speaking up quite unexpectedly. “You’re uncertain if you’re really going to make it out there, or whether you’ll end up regretting it in the end. You’re probably also worrying that things won’t be the same when you get back, or if everyone will move on without you as if it was your fault for leaving. It’s all of the possible scenarios that make you nervous about the future. Before you ask what to do in order to make some of that restlessness go away, I might have a little something to ease some of your worries.” 

 

Somewhat sensing what Jihoon was getting at, Vernon looked over at Mingyu and Wonwoo who were also sharing the same suspicions as him. They never made any concrete plans to record Lean On Me after the problems that ensued afterwards, but when Jihoon motioned for Joshua to go and bring out his guitar, Vernon was pretty sure that was what he was getting at. They hadn’t practiced along with guitar accompaniment before, nor had they practiced together in the longest time so he was a little bit worried that he’d make some mistakes but since this song was like a gift for the seniors, he’d still try his best to put his all into it. 

 

As Joshua took a seat next to Jihoon, the composer of the song cleared his throat softly to explain some things first. “Originally, I planned this song as a gift for Seungcheol’s graduation along with Mingyu, Wonwoo, and Vernon who wrote their own raps. But as I was thinking more, I was thinking that it kind of applied towards everyone that we share close relationships with. It can be for those friends leaving or those who will stay by our sides, either way, there’s precious words that everybody wants to share with somebody. We all might have a particular person we think about when we sing this song, but I think the overall meaning stays the same. Our group shares a pretty special bond. I’m sure we can lean on each other for a long time to come.” 

 

Taking this as the signal to start, Joshua’s fingers started softly strumming out the chords on his guitar as Jihoon’s voice started singing the first couple lines of the song. Once he was comfortable enough in getting the instrumentals down correctly, Joshua joined him together in the song to work up towards the first rap part. 

 

Vernon knew that he was coming up next and tensed up a little. Performing in front of people still didn’t come too easy, despite being in front of his friends. Maybe he was even getting a little more nervous than usual because the occasion was so important. 

 

He started his verse out a little less than confident because he worried about his pacing and volume being too quiet under the guitar riffs, but Seungkwan’s hand had traveled down to rest on top of his own. Giving him that single touch of physical contact seemed to do a lot more than only words could. As he continued on with his own lines, he took the chance to look up at the older male as he let the words freely spill from his lips. 

 

_ If I’m really in your heart, wherever you are, I’ll be there  _

 

Although they were part of the song, he wanted to convey them to Seungkwan in this moment. He was already sure that he’d remember tonight forever. Maybe he could make Seungkwan remember their feelings towards each other in this one moment forever as well. 

 

The song finishes and a few members of their group are slightly teary-eyed but not full out crying. Seungkwan is one of them included. There’s endless words of praise towards their newly written song and the promise to turn it into an anthem reserved only for their little group is eventually established. Despite changing the mood to much more of a melancholic one with the first song, Joshua’s fingers impulsively start strumming to the tune of Fronting for old times sake. Several members quickly break out in wide smiles from hearing the familiar song and all start reciting the lyrics together. 

 

They eventually start yelling over the singing, and horribly hilarious impressions of the rap parts occur which makes the mood turn back to something more fun again. Although things were going to change and change quickly, they didn’t have much reason to be sad about it anymore. There bond was so strong. It was like nothing could break it. 

 

After going through a few more of Woozi’s own personal discography of self written songs, they start going for anything popular that Joshua has stored in his mind. They go through countless covers of girl group songs, emo American tracks from years ago, and even end up dramatically screaming over anime and movie soundtracks. Vernon’s pretty sure he blew out an eardrum as they competed to sing the Titanic theme and Seungkwan unfortunately ended up winning. He sounded very nice but far too loud. 

 

As voices start to go rough from overexertion and singing their hearts out, they move on to starting the fireworks now that the sky had completely turned black with the night. Junhui and Minghao are the ones who planned out which fireworks to bring, since apparently they both shared the hobby of playing with fireworks as children together back in the day. Of course they only brought some of the more safer ones, none powerful enough that would end up burning down the forest or cause any fires, but somehow Vernon was sure someone would end up finding a way to mess up before the night was over. 

 

They set off pretty little specs of light into the sky that look sort of like glitter as they flutter down, little oohs and aahs leaving their lips as they watch the show from below. Exploring into more of the powerful explosives starts when the thrill starts to wear off from watching just a few sparkles crackling around. Large red bursts of light flare up as they hit the skyline, changing into vibrant blues and yellows that reflect off of the regular scenery of their campsite in a way that makes everything just seem more magical than before. 

 

The happy giggles of Soonyoung, Seokmin and Chan chasing each other around resonate through the camp as they throw tiny little explosive snappers at each other’s feet. Joshua stands behind Jeonghan as he assists him on setting off one large roman candle beam into the sky with a huge bang that makes nearly everyone flinch before teasing one another about their dumb shocked faces. Jihoon huddles around a black snake firework that fails to fully erupt, carefully nudging at it with a stick in order to provoke more movement with it. Seungcheol watches on with interest but lacks patience and ends up nudging it with his shoe, sending the long black puff of smoke spiraling up into the air again as they both jump back with shock. Mingyu and Wonwoo take turns lighting off mini rockets. It’s a task that doesn’t seem to involve much danger but somehow Mingyu is too late in letting it go in time and ends up mildly burning his finger. Wonwoo laughs at him only a little bit before going over to a pouty Mingyu and pressing a delicate kiss to his sore finger. After receiving such an unexpected action from his partner, perhaps Mingyu’s beaming smile was even more brilliant than all of the fireworks they had launched off that night. 

 

Junhui and Minghao had made their way a little farther away from everyone else as they set off an intricate mixture of a bunch of different fireworks into one big pile. Perhaps knowing more about everyone else in the group, it was best to save the most dangerous stuff for only the two of them to handle. Junhui had thrown a match into the hoard and ran away quickly, the thrill of the big explosion behind him only making him reach Minghao’s side even faster. They watched from a safe distance while sitting on the ground because if they stood up even from that close, perhaps they’d get hit by a few extra sparks making their way back down to the ground. There was a huge red explosion with other little colors of sparkles floating up within the mixture that made everyone in the group turn around and watch it awe. 

 

Despite creating it himself, even Junhui was completely surprised as he jaw dropped open. He didn’t stay shocked at the fireworks for very long though. Minghao’s fingers had lightly found themselves tapping on the eldest’s chin in order to close his mouth shut again, unable to stop himself from laughing heartily at Junhui’s dramatic expression. One would assume that he would simply turn away and return back to watching the fireworks continue to fizzle up, but Vernon couldn’t have been any more wrong. As his fingers still lingered on the other male’s jaw, he leaned in to place a simple kiss onto his lips almost unfairly as Junhui was still completely immersed in watching the show. 

 

Junhui’s eyes had widened even more than they had when the fireworks first went off in a slightly adorable way, turning to Minghao with nothing less of complete shock. Maybe the two of them didn’t realize it yet but nearly everyone else was watching them now. If he didn’t notice it before, he definitely noticed once Minghao had courageously made the move to peck him on the lips again and all their friends started hooting and hollering. The outside attention made him swat at Minghao’s shoulder playfully in an attempt to push him off but when Minghao moved in to kiss him for a third time, he didn’t seem to complain much anymore. 

 

It seemed like everyone had somebody, and they all seemed to have each other in the end. 

 

Vernon shared a sparkler with Seungkwan, taking turns in writing out their names together in the sky along with a bunch of other random shapes and characters. It wasn’t anything too flashy or intense for fireworks. Just a few little silver sparkles at the end of the stick they carefully held together. Sometimes the flecks of glitter broke off and slightly prickled against the back of his hand that was clutched around Seungkwan’s own. The small burning sensation made his body lurch to move away but his heart kept him holding his grip around Seungkwan’s own hand without fail. 

Rather than paying attention to the fireworks, Vernon much preferred watching the way the sparkling lights reflected in Seungkwan’s eyes instead. Along with the ever so slight glisten of excitement hiding within the dark brown color, the way the tiny silver and gold specs mirrored within them only seemed more beautiful to look at. 

 

Much like the firework they held between them, Vernon wished that the memories they’d make in the hot Jeju summertime could only burn as beautifully as this. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you've finally reached the end !   
> i hope you liked it and that you don't (hate) me too much because this is the last time all thirteen of them will be together...at least in one chapter.
> 
> what's next?  
> something a little different will be happening for the next chapter or two. 
> 
> we'll be going into the bonus stories of each character (except verkwan, unless u guys really want a seungkwan story) and then the story will resume back to the couple's trip to jeju together. each individual character will get a mini story to answer some of the unanswered questions of their pasts/futures or any particularly interesting things i want to bring up about them. now if definitely the time to leave any story topics you still have questions about in the comments! !
> 
> i really hope it won't be too confusing but i'll still try to warn you guys at the start of next thursday's chapter. please look forward to it and enjoy this week's diamond edge concerts wherever you are!


	27. seungcheol, jeonghan, joshua

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the next bonus chapters will focus on a few members of the group and reveal some of the backstories that take place over the course of our twenties, in the past, future, or present. 
> 
> after each character's story is revealed, vernon and seungkwan's story will be back for the conclusion. 
> 
> this chapter includes : seungcheol, jeonghan, and joshua.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm like a whole two weeks late and i'm so sorry about the delay ! this chapter is much longer than usual due to me wanting to compile all three of these stories together and i really wanted to make them perfect before posting. 
> 
> then diamond edge happened and i met all of the boys in new york.
> 
> you can read about the experience on my thread : https://twitter.com/nicolanyappy/status/901994188908232704
> 
> but if you want what happened between me and seungkwan - basically boo seungkwan (aka the love of my life) warned me before my shoe got stuck on a metal gate but I stepped anyways and kinda tripped but he suddenly gripped my hand tighter and told me to be careful and only let go after I told him I loved him ; ; i cant believe he saved my life (not clickbait) 
> 
> another highlight of diamond edge concert was truly when i was getting crushed by the crowd and security man had to pick me up and carry me away and I actually told him this is where I wanna die because they were playing 예쁘다 and it bopped so hard
> 
> anyways im sorry for making you guys wait but it was a really busy week and im just glad to be back and relaxing now. 
> 
> you can follow me @ citruseungkwan on tumblr or follow my twitter i linked above !

/ / Seungcheol 

 

As for Seungcheol, he hadn’t really changed much during the transition between being a high schooler and becoming a university student. 

 

His high school was relatively in the same neighborhood as Mugunghwa Academy and despite switching schools, most of the other students ended up following in his footsteps to attend the same university. Generally, most people would hate that their past life ended up following them throughout university as well, but that wasn’t the case for Seungcheol. He was well liked by everyone, had an endless amount of good friends, and seemed to excel in both academics and extracurriculars. The next four years would fly by like a breeze, and the best part was that he didn’t even have to really try. 

 

His new roommate was a completely different story though. Seungcheol would probably always remember the first day he met Yoon Jeonghan.The contrast from that day to now would be something that never failed to make him look back on with a laugh.

 

As they moved into their shared dorm room on that first day, they made awkward small talk as they individually unpacked their things, with Seungcheol completely stretching himself to find out any more information about this elusive boy who still hadn’t changed his standard school haircut away from resembling a full on bowlcut. The other male was from about an hour away, majoring in music composition (which Seungcheol had no idea about), and also had absolutely no friends in this part of town. That meant Seungcheol had to invite him out with his own friends out of obligation or politeness, and to which Jeonghan joined in sometimes. Often enough though, mostly he declined those offers in favor of laying around the dorm instead. For some reason, Seungcheol was a little relieved. 

 

Yoon Jeonghan didn’t talk much at first. Seungcheol thought he seemed rather quiet and stuffy, not to mention he wouldn’t get along much with his friends anyways. 

 

Sometimes he got Jeonghan to open up to him though. On a rare occasion, the slightly younger male would end up smiling over at him when they studied on their own beds and Seungcheol cracked some stupid joke. Most of the time they just talked about insignificant things like their classes or weather, but if Seungcheol was particularly creative with his dad jokes he was lucky to bring Jeonghan to the point of laughter sometimes. Once those walls were let down a little more, he’d try to pry his way into asking more questions about the illusive man's past and end up getting little to nowhere. He knew Jeonghan studied music, liked to sleep more than eight hours a day, and didn’t like carrots but that was pretty much all he learned. 

 

They never went out to spend time together, nor did they have any of the same classes together. Eventually they stopped caring about politely inviting each other out on their plans, since Jeonghan stopped agreeing to come along. Seungcheol didn’t spend much of his time at the dorm anyways so maybe it was a good thing that they eventually stopped putting up with each other’s awkward company after the first month or two. 

 

Seungcheol didn’t really understand why there wasn’t a connection. He’d gotten along with people in countless different friend groups over the years so he assmued that he was generally a well enough liked guy. Not to mention, personally he was pretty proud of the fact he got voted as ‘most friendly’ among his high school class, along with ‘most charismatic’ and even managed to snag the prom king title as well all during senior year. He was starting to wonder if Jeonghan held something against him personally.

 

One night after complaining about how Yoon Jeonghan was being incredibly strange for not even giving him a chance, Jihoon had laughed to himself entertained after hearing Seungcheol going through such a struggle. 

 

“I wouldn’t take it personally.” Jihoon had tried to calm down some of his worrying after being assured that all of Seungcheol’s worries were completely serious and he was actually stressing out about all of this. “Maybe he’s an extreme introvert, or maybe he’s just not interested in growing close to anyone. It’s probably not  _ just _ you.” 

 

Seungcheol pouts a bit frustratedly to himself as he kicks his legs around in one of Jihoon’s nice studio chairs. “I mean, it can’t be me. I never did anything to him. I just don’t get why he’s not interested in even getting to know me, you know?” 

 

Jihoon rolls his eyes a bit but his amused smile is still evident on his face. “You can’t make everyone in the whole world love you, Seungcheol.. Just get over it and switch roommates next semester.” 

 

He takes Jihoon’s advice to heart and tries not to let it bother him but there’s only so much he can suppress before his stubbornness starts to get the best of him. Their first semester as roommates is almost over. Jeonghan’s bowl cut has grown out much longer, to the point of the delicate locks almost reaching past his chin. Seungcheol stares at the other boy across the room somewhat in intrigue, just watching the other male silently reading a book as he had his headphones on; a clear signal that he was disinterested in making small talk today. For a second, he wonders what’s so special about Yoon Jeonghan anyways and realizes that he’s getting kind of frustrated for no reason. 

 

That leads him to break the silence between them for good. 

 

“Why don’t you like me?” Seungcheol finds himself testing the waters from his own bed, the one that seems to be moving further away from Jeonghan’s own with every day that passes where they don’t share a single word. Their dorm room is small but the distance is clearly evident. 

 

Jeonghan slips an earbud out as he looks over to him. “Excuse me?” 

 

“I wanted to ask you, why don’t you like me?” Seungcheol clarifies for him, now feeling a bit of embarrassment blushing against his cheeks as the other male just stares at him. “I mean- I really tried to make friends with you in the beginning but somewhere I think we both gave up along the way.” 

 

“You’re asking if I like you or not?” The other male had asked him again, the scrutinizing look in his eyes now making Seungcheol feel like he’s the one being judged now. “Just because we’re roommates, there’s no rule that means we have to be best friends. It’s not that I dislike you but I don’t feel the need to like you so much either.” 

 

Even though he was the one who had asked for an answer that didn’t mean that hearing the words out loud hurt nonetheless. He should have expected it but for some reason, he felt his heart sink to the bottom of his chest in disappointment as Jeonghan turned away from him again and went back to reading. He’d done nothing but been himself this whole time and he was still getting rejected for no reason. Of course he’d get even more frustrated now.

 

“What did I even do to you? Was it something I said? Or did I offend you in anyway?” As his questions start rambling out before he can stop himself, he finds himself getting slightly worked up in his thoughts as he runs a hand back through his hair stressfully. “Just let me know what I did wrong so I can fix it, you know?” 

 

He watched on as Jeonghan smiled in a way that looked like the was trying to be hesitant and work around hurting any feelings here, slowly shaking his head back and forth. “You didn’t do anything to me personally, Seungcheol. I’m sure you’re a nice guy and all, but in all honestly, I’m not really interested in being friends with you.” 

 

“ _ Why _ ?” Seungcheol asks out in a bit of frustration now, almost childish in his way of refusing to give up. “If I didn’t do anything wrong, then what’s so bad about trying to be friends? I honestly want to get to know you and I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall sometimes.”

 

“If you really want to know, then I can tell you the real reason why I’m hesitant to get close with you.” Jeonghan started out slowly, finally looking away from the book he was trying to distract himself with and gaze over to Seungcheol instead. “I’ve heard things about you, Seungcheol. I’ve seen you around campus. I know how you and your group of friends use all of those girls to date in exchange for money. You have a reputation around here that I don’t want to play part in.” 

 

“So after all, I guess you really don’t like me then after all, huh?” Seungcheol finds himself blurting out even though he wasn’t exactly sure why he cared so much. “Even without giving me a chance to get to know me yourself, you’re going to assume everything based on what you heard from other people?” 

 

Jeonghan pushes a few locks of his hair behind his ear as his eyes travel downwards slightly, his shoulders just shrugging up carelessly. “I’m just trying to make the best decision for myself here. I’m just not like you and your friends. Not to mention, I’m sure that once you learn everything about me, you’d be the same type of guy to flush my stuff down the toilet or slap me across the face for looking too feminine in your presence.” He admits slightly less confidently than before, the subtle shake in his voice seemingly melting away all of Seungcheol’s tension in all of one second because he seemed to be getting at something here. “The truth is, I know guys like you, Seungcheol. I know your type all too well. In the end, we’re just not meant to be friends.” 

 

The room is silent for a moment Seungcheol makes the next bold move to get up and sit down on the side of Jeonghan’s bed. The younger male’s eyes widen quite a bit in shock as he moves to shift himself away further, backing away more towards the wall. “Why are you over here?” He asks a bit hesitantly, slightly offended with his personal space being invaded so carelessly. “I’d prefer if you just stayed on your side of the room and I stay on mine.” 

 

“Listen, Jeonghan. I have to admit that my feelings are kinda hurt that you assumed me to be some kind of horrible guy, but more than that, I’m more upset that in addition to those things you assume that we’d get along so badly that I’d hurt you or damage your things. Yeah, I’m kind of a big guy in comparison to you, but I would never do anything like flushing your books down a toilet because you look kind of feminine and have long hair or whatever. And if my friends ever tried something like that, I can assure you that they’d no longer be friends of mine.” With nothing but sincerity in his gaze he looks over at the still somewhat startled male in an attempt to reason with him. As he continues on, he can visibly watch as Jeonghan’s breathing starts to steadily relax despite the constant invasion of space. “You may want to give up on getting to know each other already, but I still want to convince you that we can make this work. Can we set aside just a half hour or so to talk to each other honestly and see if we can make any progress?”

 

Seungcheol knew that he was practically pleading with him at this point, but Jeonghan had his walls built up so high that it would definitely be a battle to get him to open up anytime soon. Yet even though he was almost certain that he’d be denied again, Jeonghan slowly nodded his head and agreed to that the small amount of time as okay. 

 

They’re slow at conversing at first, with mostly Seungcheol forcing most of the questions without getting much back in return but they’re still answers nonetheless. It’s not much, but it’s still progress.

 

“When you date with all of those girls for money…” Jeonghan finally asks his first question hesitantly, almost as if he’s scared of knowing the real answer and ruining their progress based on that question alone. “... do they know they’re being used? As in, do they know it’s not a real relationship and you’re free to go off with other girls whenever you want?” 

 

“They do know. Even if it’s all an act, sometimes that’s enough kindness for someone to get through their entire week. I don’t mind being a little affectionate or giving some extra attention to girls who are really lonely and want some company. I just like making them feel like princesses when they’re with me and usually I don’t go any further than holding hands or hugging. We decide the terms before each meeting so it’s mutual between both of us the entire time.” As he explains all of this a bit more into detail than the other male had even asked for in order to maybe furthermore prevent him for assuming anything wrong, he notices the way Jeonghan clearly pays interest to his words. If he was judging his expressoin correctly, it was almost like he was learning something he didn’t even expect to hear. 

 

Jeonghan hums to himself as he finishes the explanation, slowly bringing his knees to his chest as he takes a moment for thought. “That’s actually… kind of nice of you, Seungcheol. I didn’t even think of it that way. I just assumed that you got some kind of sick fascination from stringing on all these girls on like some greasy player to make some easy money. I guess I really assumed something completely different, so I apologize for being ignorant before.” 

 

The sudden apology wasn’t something that Seungcheol had been expecting, yet as Jeonghan put the words out there, Seungcheol found himself growing slightly touched that he’d try to be the bigger person in this situation and correct some of his past assumptions. His own smile grew on his face before he could even stop himself. “Hm, I don’t even remember how I started it in the beginning. I just like to make people happy, you know? Even if it’s something small, I just want to make people’s lives a little bit better. As long as they’re with me for our date, I can assure them that I’m working to the best of my ability to bring a little bit of happiness to their day… Oh, and maybe I should mention that it’s not just girls either. I have a pretty big selection of guys that seek me out, as well as-” 

 

Jeonghan’s eyes visibly widened to nearly double their original size as he realized the implications behind that sentance. 

 

“I must have surprised you with what I said, huh?” Seungcheol admitted with a slightly embarrassed smile, almost wondering if he was really crossing the line of oversharing here.  “Well, I thought being bi-sexual was like a common thing these days but…”

 

As Jeonghan somewhat composed himself and finally looked up from a few long strands of hair that had happened to hide his face, the usually silent and disinterested Jeonghan was laughing at something. His eyes squinted shut in little half crescent shapes that resembled pretty little eye smiles as he genuinely started laughing at something that Seungcheol had said. He’d never seen Jeonghan smile like that before, but he already made it a private goal to make him laugh like this again someday. 

 

“Fuck, I’m so stupid…” Jeonghan had muttered out in between his soft laughter, shaking his head from side to side at something that an extremely confused Seungcheol didn’t seem know about. “Seungcheol, I’m  _ gay _ .” 

 

Although he had emphasized that part, Seungcheol still felt like he was missing out on something here. His head tipped to the side somewhat like a lost puppy. “....So?” 

 

“I thought you and I wouldn’t get along because of that.” Jeonghan admits honestly while slightly biting down on his lower lip to prevent himself from smiling more- maybe still feeling the waves of relief that had swept over after Seungcheol’s shocking confession. “You just reminded me of all the assholes that used to pick on me and make my life a living hell back in high school. I know it’s stupid but I didn’t want to open up to you in case you did happen to be the same way. You were right when you said my reasons were shallow but that’s only because I wanted to protect myself...I couldn’t have the next four years being complete torture all over again, you know?” 

 

As he had confessed all of this inner feelings out loud, Seungcheol couldn’t even manage to feel upset at him anymore. Almost everything that had accumulated before had seemed to be ripped away from that one statement alone. There was no heavy air looming in between them now. 

 

“I know I can look like actual fuck boy trash with the way I dress sometimes, and you could actually consider me to be an actual ‘player’ if we’re considering the occupation alone, but I can swear to you that I’m nowhere near any of those hyper-masculine assholes.” Seungcheol finds himself joking around slightly now that things are turning more lighthearted, earning another small chuckle from Jeonghan at his comment before he continues on in more of a serious tone. “I came out during the last year of highschool though, so I know exactly the type of person you’re hoping to avoid. I was friends with a few of those so called assholes and cut them off when I found out they had little side comments about my bisexuality to whisper around behind my back.” 

 

Jeonghan shakes his head from side to side in still almost regretful manner, letting out a small sigh as he trailed off into his next words. “I’m still sorry for assuming things though. It was wrong and completely ignorant of me, but somehow I feel like maybe we’ll be able to act more comfortably around each other now that we know that we’re kind of similar in that way. We experienced some of the same things back then so maybe we can understand each other better from now on.” 

 

The way Jeonghan spoke to him was much more open and free than before. With words that could only lead towards a hopeful future for the two of them from now on, this was his way of subtly inviting Seungcheol in. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, Jeonghan.” He insisted with a gentle smile that would only assure him that everything was going to be completely fine between the two of them. As soon as he glanced to the male by his side, he was pretty sure both of them were feeling a sense of relief for finally tackling the topic of their awkwardness. “I wasn’t even expecting an apology but I’m still touched that you’d try to change your mind in order to make things work. This just what I’ve been wanting to happen since the beginning.” 

 

They shared contented smiles with each other for a moment. It was almost like any attempt at words would perhaps ruin the fragility of the newly budding friendship that they had just started. Eventually, Jeonghan broke the silence before they could stare at each other a little too long and things got awkward all over again. 

 

“So….” Jeonghan trailed on as his head tipped to the side, a slightly playful smile finally starting to tease at his lips now the air was cleared between them. “What happens next?” 

 

Seungcheol isn’t sure where things stand between them or whether or not they’ll really be able to grow to be close friends but there’s only one way to start. 

 

“Wanna go get dinner with me?” Seungcheol finds himself asking suddenly as he stands up and extends his hand outwards to Jeonghan, the causal offer somewhat disguised as a test to see if Jeonghan would finally accept him as well, to be seen together in public and really work on this new start.

 

This time, Jeonghan doesn’t hesitate much before reaching out to accept his hand.

 

Even though they had only agreed to talk for an hour or so that day, Jeonghan happened to initiate the conversation on the next day after classes. And also the day after that. Then they finally traded phone numbers about three days later. After countless texts sent back and forth, going out to dinner or studying together became a much more common occurrence. Trading small amounts of time eventually turned into spending most of their free time together.  It seemed like they grew pretty accustomed to each other, not to mention quickly as well, to the point where it felt was a bit strange  _ not _ to have Jeonghan by his side. 

 

It was a rather obvious decision to be roommates together for the next semester and Seungcheol wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. They were each other’s perfect match, like a perfect puzzle pieces that magically fit together despite taking a little extra time to find. 

 

If Jeonghan did some assuming in the beginning, Seungcheol was equally as guilty; he couldn’t believe how wrong he was to assume Jeonghan was going to be some quiet and stuff guy. The slightly younger male seemed to be more outspoken and brutally honest within his thoughts, to the point where Seungcheol found himself admiring the way he carried himself so freely and confidently. Not to mention, their personalities worked together with a chemistry that he’d never experienced with anyone else he’d met in his whole life. He practically lived for their playful sessions of bickering, with tempting back and forth teasing that sometimes ended with a slightly too flirtatious remark that left both of them wanting a little more out of this friendship. 

 

It was Seungcheol who first blurred the lines of their relationship by leaning over to meet in a messy kiss of bumped teeth and lips after Jeonghan just wouldn’t stop picking at him over something stupid. Before he could even realize that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to kiss his supposed best friend without perhaps toying with the idea of feelings first, Jeonghan wasted no time in grabbing his collar and pulling him into a more proper kiss. If that boldness didn’t take his breath away, the smile that lingered on Jeonghan’s lips afterwards truly did. It’s kind of funny looking back on it now. He can’t even remember what the teasing was about to begin with, but that smile is forever engrained into his memory. 

 

The girls around school had noted them as an inseparable duo as their first year progressed into two, and the best friends became some of the most notorious guys on campus. Seungcheol would take all of the credit for introducing Jeonghan into his popular circle of connections, but deep down inside he knew it was mostly the irresistible and sharp tongue that Jeonghan used to gather attention. Not to mention, the gorgeous locks of hair that no other guy on campus would even try probably played a bigger part in him securing his space at the top. The people that Seungcheol dealt with in his paid dating would often request that Jeonghan joined them sometimes too, as if the mere fascination behind what the two of them had going on in secret was enough entertainment for the girls on campus. They both knew that their chemistry was practically reeking from their each and every interaction so sometimes he’d invite Jeonghan into his world to experience things just for entertainments sake. 

 

Jeonghan was extremely talented when it came to making his rounds with some of Seungcheol’s clients, maybe even to the point where he eventually surpassed Seungcheol as well. The elder didn’t mind at all. Seungcheol was somewhat fascinated by how fast his roommate had changed and blossomed into such an open spirit, but Jeonghan was practically a genius when it came to flirting with the people who came to seek him out. He could just watch and understand his appeal immediately.

 

If Seungcheol’s reasons for paid dating were in order to bring some happiness to lonely girls, Jeonghan’s reasons were probably that he just liked the attention and compliments he received. It wasn’t a lie to say that he was a bit vain about things even before all of the popularity started, but as for now, the money and gifts weren’t too bad either. 

 

At the end of their second year together, the two of them had amassed enough in savings in order to move out of the university’s dorm and into a really nice apartment that was much too big for just two people to share. Either way, their lives turned quite luxurious for awhile as they found themselves being able to afford everything they needed with ease, as well as enough room for the finer things in life as well. They worked so hard to bring themselves to this point, and after creating such a perfect thing to share together, Seungcheol and Jeonghan were undoubtedly going to be the perfect pair for years to come.

 

Seungcheol will probably always remember the day they moved in together. They were so happy at that time, with no worries about anything else in the world as long as they just had each other. It didn’t matter if they were best friends, or roommates, or almost kind of dating, or sometimes close to falling in love with each other. The bliss they shared when they made the choice to move up into something greater would always be a precious memory for Seungcheol.

 

He carried Jeonghan into his new bedroom in bridal style, with the other male laughing almost breathlessly from the fact that he’d practically been scooped up at the entrance and suddenly carried off so unexpectedly. His soft laughter is like music to Seungcheol’s ears, and that only furthermore made him want to show Jeonghan all of the nice things he’d be able to provide him with now that they were rather successful. He wanted to spoil him endlessly, to make him smile and laugh like this with every ounce of determination he could amass in his body. 

 

Jeonghan falls into a pile of fluffy blankets as Seungcheol lays him down so softly on top of his own king sized bed, opting for the large size due to the fact that they’d most likely just end up sharing it even though Jeonghan had his own bed in his own room. Almost like a promise, Jeonghan ends up making it  _ their _ bed just one night later after complaining that his room is far too lonely and quiet without Seungcheol’s quiet snoring. But as for now, they’re so comfortable and relaxed while all wrapped up in each other’s limbs here that Seungcheol’s unable to stop himself from leaning down to deeply kiss Jeonghan with a smile playing on his own lips.

 

They had kissed countless times before. Hands had wandered much further than that on numerous occasions. Yet something still felt so overwhelming about this moment that it almost made Seungcheol feel dizzy. He nearly sighs into Jeonghan’s lips because realizes something that maybe relieves the weight of his whole soul bearing down on him all of these twenty one years. This is where he’s supposed to be. He was so happy with Jeonghan that he was starting to think that maybe this could be everything he’s ever wanted. 

 

As he kisses Jeonghan, his hand finds itself exploring the expanse of the male’s cheek with resolute carefulness, like he’s kissing Jeonghan for the first time ever and he’s scared that any touch might break this moment between them. He’s aware of every sensation in his body as his heart starts to race and his stomach flutters around in tantalizing butterflies. And Jeonghan kisses him back just as deeply, to the point where he has to forcefully pull himself away with a contented sigh. He wants to finally speak his mind. 

 

“You like me, right?” Seungcheol finds himself asking at yet a different time in their lives although the nervous anticipation is still all the same. As he looks down at the slightly younger male and neatly tucks the long strands of hair behind his ear with nothing but complete gentleness, he can’t believe how lucky he is to have someone as amazing as Jeonghan in his life. He’s just as beautiful inside that he is outwardly and Seungcheol is starting to feel rather possessive over him. 

 

Maybe it was a dumb question to ask. It became clear in their relationship that they definitely had an attraction for each other almost immediately after getting past their awkward stage. To everyone and anyone, it was clear that they were definitely something more than friends but not along the lines of lovers. They knew it themselves but never spoke about it.

 

Jeonghan looks up at him with some confusion in his eyes, almost like he finds it a rather obvious thing that doesn’t even have to be put into a question. “What are you even talking about?” He asks instead as his arms find themselves winding around Seungcheol’s neck to pull him closer, their lips meeting momentarily for another sweet kiss. “Of course I like you. That’s why I’ve been by your side all these years.” 

 

This answer isn’t enough for Seungcheol, who just shakes his head slightly and finds himself looking away from Jeonghan’s speculative gaze like it’s eating at his insides in the most uncomfortable way. “I don’t mean it in that way…” He trails off somewhat insecurely. “I mean, do you like me in the way of someone you’d want to make all yours?” 

 

“We already belong to each other the most.” Jeonghan assures him without even thinking too much after being questioned again. “You’re my best friend, Seungcheol. You’re practically my whole world. Without you, where would I even be?” 

 

Those words make Seungcheol flashback to when they had first met. When Jeonghan was guarded with walls that were held too high to let anyone else in, completely uninterested and detached from anyone else due to his troubled past. Seungcheol had brought him into his world and took advantage of the fact that he didn’t have many friends, subtly using his influence to shape Jeonghan into someone more like himself just to see if he could get through to the boy. And now, Jeonghan had completely changed into a different person due to his influence. 

 

He resembled Seungcheol so much that undoubtedly that was the reason behind why they’d become the closest to each other. Because of this, Seungcheol needed to feel needed by him too.

 

“Then do you love me?” Seungcheol blurts out next, the unexpected question clearly causing some confusion for Jeonghan who just blinked up at him uncertainly. The hesitation only makes him more desperate to hear an answer from the male’s lips, his fingertips grasping the younger’s chin as he starts to draw him in closer. “Are you all mine, Jeonghan?” He asks more incessantly now, to the point where his breath ghosts over the delicate male’s face quite hotly. “Do you love me, Yoon Jeonghan?” 

 

Jeonghan averts his gaze away rather quickly because he doesn’t like the intent stare in Seungcheol’s eyes. He turns his head to the side to make the fingertips forcefully fall away from his chin. “You know I do, but....” He manages to mumble out quietly and clearly nervously, his hesitation to continue on only making Seungcheol feel more desperate. 

 

“You know I love you.” Seungcheol doesn’t think about the words at all as he says them, just letting them flow freely from his lips as he cranes his neck downwards to whisper them into Jeonghan’s ear. “I want you to love me, Jeonghan. As much as I love you. And you know I love you so much.” 

 

The low whispers alone make Jeonghan’s body start to slightly tremble underneath him. He’s almost sure that he’ll get the answers that he wants to hear in just a few more moments, within just a few more touches. Then and now, he’s still able to perfectly control Jeonghan whether he’s aware of what he’s actually doing or not. 

 

Jeonghan’s arms that had draped around his neck had only slackened away and started to fall down to the bed again before they suddenly moved back upwards to pull him into a tight hug. He pulled Seungcheol’s his whole weight down on top of his body as he clung onto him with everything he had. The long haired male lets out a long sigh as Seungcheol teases his earlobe with a bite, but Jeonghan forces himself to swallow hard to keep himself firmly resolute with the words that come out next. “I do love you, Cheol… but I don’t think I’m in love with you.” 

 

Even though he hears the opposite of what he was hoping for, Seungcheol doesn’t feel his heart breaking inside or anything like that. 

 

“It would be an understatement to say that you’re everything to me...” Jeonghan continues to explain his thoughts as his eyes lock onto the ceiling, willing himself not to pay attention to the way that Seungcheol flicks his tongue over the sensitive skin of his ear with everything he had. “I do love you. I like you a lot, and I’m physically attracted to you… but that doesn’t mean that I’m  _ in _ love with you. I like when you show me special attention and tell other people that I’m yours, but in reality I’m not really sure I could settle down with you or anyone else for that matter. I’m just having fun living life right now and seeing where things take me on their own. If I were going to fall in love with you, I’m almost certain that it would have happened already.” 

 

Seungcheol just hums under his breath at this. He knows all of this because he’s actually the same inside. They like the attention from their peers too much to even go to the point of actually dating each other. They both care about their reputations too much to give up all of the invites to parties, and nice gifts, and all the money they make from publically being single players. 

 

Even though he knows this, there’s something inside Seungcheol that still makes him feel greedy. 

 

“We’d be perfect for each other, Jeonghan. I know you don’t want anyone to have you, but if there’s anyone that comes close, we both know that it’s going to be me.” His words persist on as do his kisses. After all, he knows Jeonghan so well that he’s like a completely open book. Now he trails his lips down the younger’s neck in all of the places he knows where he likes, almost smothering him with little bites and licks of affection to the point where the tension between them getting rather overwhelming. “I want you to show me how important I am to you. Show me how much you need me. Show me that you’re all mine.” 

 

Jeonghan’s heart might not have been fully in it but he still shows him nonetheless. He kisses him so tenderly like he loves him even though that love might be an act. He whispers all of the right words of affection to show Seungcheol he depends on him with everything he was. And he lets Seungcheol sleep with him for the very first time to furthermore convince him that he’s only and all his. 

 

Things seemed to go on pretty regularly after that. They live their life together as a powerful duo, making large amounts of money and living completely easy from then on. They invite Mingyu and Wonwoo into their apartment out of the need for more excitement into their lives. Before they could even realize it, it was almost like they got lost in the luxuries, wild parties, and the physical needs they had for each other to fully realize something actually did change after that day. 

 

Jeonghan had been changing again. With his newly colored blond hair, it seemed like a completely different Jeonghan been introduced along with it. 

 

Slowly, Jeonghan had been distancing himself away from his current lifestyle. He started to meet with less clients for dating, went out much less with Seungcheol, and found himself pent up in his room with self written compositions of music sprawled out all over his bed. As they entered their senior year, it seemed like he was growing old of their glory days and longed for something more substantial than their stupid game of popularity. Seungcheol had worked on changing Jeonghan a lot since the beginning but he could have never knocked the stubbornness out of him. That was always the one thing that he wouldn’t be able to get rid of.

 

Seungcheol had even watched him fall in love with Joshua without thinking twice. He barely realized he had lost the Jeonghan that he had created before it was too late. Jeonghan was already out of his grasp and there was nothing he could do to draw him back in. After all, he looked at Joshua in the same way that he’d always been dreaming would be reserved for only him. 

 

When Joshua happened to mess up things in their relationship with the simple choice of words during an argument, Seungcheol strategically chose to position himself in between them. He knew he could be the one to make Jeonghan happy, to protect him forever and love him with all of his heart, but there was still a lot of selfishness involved in his decision. Maybe Jeonghan knew he was being used. That’s why he still chose Joshua in the end.

 

For some reason, Seungcheol didn’t even have a broken heart after his feelings were rejected again. 

 

Even when he locked himself up in his room and refused to shower or go to class, he still didn’t care much about being Jeonghan’s second choice. More than that, Seungcheol finally realized that he might have been horribly selfish over Jeonghan this whole time. Deep inside, he’d never admit that he was sort of proud of himself for turning Jeonghan inside out and forcing him to be part of his world like this. He used this fact to give himself the credit and give himself the right to feel more possessive over the younger male. It was almost like the other male was entitled to show him gratitude or something. If Seungcheol wasn’t assuredly the most important person in Jeonghan’s life, then he’d be obsessively greedy for him. He absolutely hated that about himself. 

 

He had been manipulating Jeonghan this whole time and he probably still was. Seungcheol had to change himself from now on or the guilty would probably kill him.

 

While beating himself up in his thoughts, everyone sort of gave him his own space except for Jihoon. He was the only one who didn’t care about invading his space and stepping over any invisible boundaries. Other than Jeonghan, Jihoon was the closest thing that came to having a real best friend, except Jihoon was more close to a real best friend and Jeonghan was more like someone he played along with. 

 

Seungcheol will probably always remember how angry Jihoon was when he barged into his room without prior notice. It was the first time he’d ever seen Jihoon so angry at him before, and perhaps it shook him up more than anything when he realized he really made a huge mistake this time. They talked for a long time, mostly with Jihoon accusing him of being abusive over Jeonghan’s emotions. Even if he was harsh with his words and didn’t shy away from his true thoughts, he helped Seungcheol more than anyone else could because he was so honest. 

 

Jeonghan would tell him everything he thought he wanted to hear. Jihoon told him everything he  _ needed  _ to hear. 

 

Jihoon didn’t give up after just one day either, but continuously came over every day to check in on him and see how he was handling things. He didn’t care if he was having a particularly rough day and just wanted to play video games in silence. He didn’t care if Seungcheol wanted to spill all of his guilt out in words and confess everything with shameful tears stinging at his eyes. He also didn’t care if he’s was asked to spend the night just because Seungcheol felt all alone and addition to the whole world against him, he was pretty sure he didn’t like himself much anymore either. 

 

He doesn’t have to convince Jihoon to stay by his side with the sweet temptations of popularity or attention to sway his interests. Jihoon has everything he already needs and stays just because he truly cares. He stays until Seungcheol gets over this tough time and learns to own up to his mistakes, and even hangs around as things seem to get back to normal and they can talk about it without the worries of sending him into another downward spiral. 

 

On the fated day that they’d always promised to be together, Chan’s graduation ceremony, Seungcheol finally finds himself confronting Jeonghan for the first time after their falling out. He’s everything more than nervous and it feels like his whole world might get shaken up if he takes a seat next to Jeonghan on the cold steel bleachers outside of Chan’s high school. He does so anyways, but Jeonghan’s smile is too gentle towards him and he immediately regrets showing up. His guilt starts making him feel physically sick but he remembers that he has to be strong. He can’t let Jeonghan leave the country without apologizing. 

 

The ceremony hasn’t even started yet. Without wasting any time with small talk about the weather or school, Seungcheol starts right in before he can even think about backing out. “Jeonghan, I want to apologize to you. It took me too long to realize that I’ve been slowly trying to manipulate you this whole time. I only realized it before it was too late and I’m so sorry I let it get to that point. My heart physically hurts that I did something so horrible to you. You don’t even have to forgive me because I’m not even sure if I can forgive myself.” 

 

As he looks away from Jeonghan’s eyes out of shame, he’s shocked when Jeonghan reaches on and places his hand down on his knee, gently rubbing it to convince him that it’s all going to be okay. “I don’t need you to apologize to me, Seungcheol.” Jeonghan insists with a soft smile still on his features, a smile that seems more contented and mature than Seungcheol’s ever seen from him before. “I’ve realized some things recently too, and one of them is that I actually liked being used by you. It felt good to be liked by someone like you. You were exactly like the people I thought I’d never be able to be like in high school. You had all of the friends in the world, everyone knew about you, and you had so much power compared to me… maybe I just liked feeling important to someone like you too. If anything, I just convinced you that it was okay to use me more.” 

 

“That doesn’t mean that what I did was okay though, Jeonghan.” Seungcheol admits seriously, his head hanging low as he watches Jeonghan’s hand fall still against his knee for the longest time. 

 

“Maybe.” That’s all that he says for quite awhile as the silence picks up again. The students are starting to fill the arena and the crowd around them gets louder. Despite all of the background noise, as long as Jeonghan’s hand is touching him that only furthermore means that there are things unsettled between them. But then Jeonghan smiles at him so heartbreakingly beautifully and Seungcheol knows he’s already moved on.

 

“But… maybe that just means that we both had played a part in the way things happened, so there’s really no one person to blame. I’ve already forgiven myself and I’m able to forgive you too.” As Jeonghan’s words are so resolutely sincere, Seungcheol feels his eyes starting to fill with tears. He won’t cry in public, but the relief that washes over him makes all of those days spent with nothing but his self hatred and guilt finally take the steps to start fading away. 

 

They can have a fresh start all over again. Things are going to be okay between them. 

 

In between watching the ceremony, there’s a point where his eyes glance over to Jeonghan’s profile and he finds himself watching him instead. The Jeonghan he knew might have always had a confident way with words, but small moments of underlying self doubt sometimes shone through. But now, today’s Jeonghan seems so contented in his life and genuinely confident that Seungcheol truly feels nothing but complete happiness for his best friend to finally find himself. 

 

Back then, he would have done nothing but worry over Jeonghan’s ability to uproot his life and start anew in America but now he doesn’t have any second doubts. As Jeonghan’s newly shortcut of natural brown hair blows around slightly in a late spring breeze, he knows that Jeonghan had completely changed into something that was completely of his own personal creation, and the genuine happiness that comes along with the change is something Seungcheol is proud of him for. 

 

He’s going to be fine. 

 

And maybe this time, after quite a bit of work and self reflection, Seungcheol will be the one to end up following in his footsteps and end up finding his own true self next.

  
  


. . . . . .

  
  


/ / Jeonghan

 

The first time that Jeonghan met Joshua was kind of ordinary. Well, it wasn’t exactly the first time they met because they shared the same music theory class together, but as for first face to face, sharing introductions type of first meetings, it couldn’t have gone more ordinarily. 

 

Mingyu had wanted to bring some new friends over to the apartment. There was nothing too new about that. The younger male often got infatuated with new acquaintances quite easily and eagerly invited them into his life on the most sudden whims. All of the roommates were pretty much used to seeing strangers in the apartment. That boy was way too friendly for his own good. 

 

It was just like any other sunday morning. Seungcheol would awake sometime well past noon and eventually shake Jeonghan awake too. If he didn’t, then that would leave Jeonghan to sleep nearly the whole day away and only arise sometime before dinner. In a lazy attempt to actually rise for the day, they would usually light up a cigarette to share and talk about whatever aimless thoughts came to mind. Jeonghan really liked the grogginess that affected the male’s already deep voice, his hearty chuckles and soft laughs coming out as nothing but pleasant to wake up to.

 

Jeonghan and Seungcheol could just lay cuddled in each other’s arms and talk about their most private innermost thoughts. The sunlight that peeked through the blinds would strike against his skin, tingling with warmth and so pleasant but he’d quickly curl into the larger male’s chest with some vain complaint about getting more tanned. This was the feeling of nothing but pure comfort and contentment in the attractive male’s presence, the most perfect way to start his morning. It was almost like nothing could disrupt him from these lazy sunday mornings with Seungcheol. 

 

He meant  _ almost _ nothing. Mingyu striding into the bedroom with two very foreign looking boys in tow certainly did disrupt quite a lot. 

 

The first thing to cross his mind was that,  _ oh no,  _ these guys are very  _ attractive _ and standing in his room. Second was the fact that he was forever going to be thankful that he was dressed somewhat decently and looked quite good with bed hair. The third thought was something of shock in recognizing one of them to be in his class. The same classmate that had previously caught having a horribly cute accent despite looking fully Korean, and sometimes even managed to stumble over his words in a way made Jeonghan find him to be too god damn cute. Now that same guy was in his own very room right now, with not a single word of warning beforehand, somehow left Jeonghan feeling some kind of way. 

 

Despite engaging in some small talk about their shared interests in music, Jeonghan really wasn’t paying too much attention to the conversation at all. He was kind of attracted to the way this guy seemed so gentle and polite with all of his language and gestures, and the way his soft eyes would scrunch up in perhaps the purest form of an eye-smile that he’d ever witnessed in his whole life. There was also something rather innocent about him as well, like how he used his overly polite actions in order to prevent himself from coming off as shy in front of the other guys, or quickly averting his eyes away from Jeonghan’s own as he tried catching his attention while twirling a strand of blonde hair around a finger. He knew most guys tended to like that.

 

Finding out that both boys were American, was the last factor that convinced Jeonghan that it would be a good idea to try and get to know one of them on a more physical basis. He’d readily admit that he always wanted to try flirting with a foreigner. 

 

Normally, he would have went for a guy like Vernon. When dating males he often preferred someone with a decently strong build and a nice strong jaw line but also generally someone that would make him feel safe and protected, yet mischievous enough to get into some trouble now and then. Maybe Seungcheol was closest to his ideal type but that would probably never happen. Anyways, Vernon seemed athletic in build enough, with that same strong jawline, and eyes that came off a bit mysterious but there was still something lacking. He was a bit too young and currently experiencing some of the self conscious doubts that came along with growing up. He could tell just by looking how the American boy carried himself, wearing his insecurities on his sleeve despite not realizing so much himself. Jeonghan didn’t really want to play around with someone who could be considered an easy target for his flirting games, therefore opting for the more reserved Joshua instead.

 

All the talk about rap music was boring him. It was just distracting himself from so many things he’d rather be doing, like getting to know Joshua and having his undivided attention and slightly gorgeous eyes only on him. When the male of his affections had vocally announced that he wasn’t too interested in rap either and preferred to play guitar, that was Jeonghan’s chance at an escape. 

 

“Hey, Joshua. Since this rap stuff is kind of not really related to you either, how about we head to the living room and you teach me how to fumble around with a guitar instead?” He suggested, reaching out to take a hold of Josh’s wrist before he could even get an answer.

 

“Um, yeah, sure.” Joshua replied thoughtlessly with a soft little smile, allowing himself to be pulled out of the room by Jeonghan without much of a fuss. Vernon simply watched on as his friend disappeared down the hall with a small trail of cigarette smoke misting through the air after them.

 

Jeonghan takes the first seat down on the sofa as he pats on the cushion, beckoning for the slightly shy Joshua to join him. The American male sits down much further away than he had hoped for out of politeness, but as soon as he picks up a guitar and starts playing a melody, Jeonghan scoots over towards his side so that the sides of their legs are touching. Even though Jeonghan considered himself to be kind of a natural at flirting, it didn’t mean that he wasn’t subtle when he knew what he wanted. 

 

He was practically leaning over Joshua’s lap in an excuse to try to take a peek at the chords the other male was playing. Being attractied to him was a slight distraction but he wasn’t lying when he said he was interested in learning guitar as well. Music meant everything for Jeonghan and eventually he had the goal of learning nearly every instrument he could get his hands on. After all, it was all part of his grand scheme to write beautiful songs for even more beautiful people someday. 

 

While asking Joshua to play some of his favorite songs off memory alone to test his talent, Jeonghan grew more distracted by the smell of cologne that wafted off of Joshua. Not only was he handsome, but he smelt so good too. It was really a challenge not to just fall into his chest, then he could his face into what looked like the softest sweater and just ask to be adored already. Perhaps scooting a little closer to guage the other’s reaction, Jeonghan might have purposely let his long hair lightly brushed over Joshua’s shoulder and land there. The guitarist continued playing the song without missing a beat but if he looked closely enough, his shoulders were definitely tensed a bit more than before. Jeonghan could only smile a little confidently to himself at his observation. Maybe Joshua had been attracted to him at first sight too. 

 

“Do you want to try?” Joshua suggests as he notices Jeonghan trailing off a bit in his thoughts. Maybe he’s wondering if he’s boring him by now because he’s not saying much but Jeonghan has clearly been paying attention to something this whole time. After an eager nod, Joshua gently moves half of the guitar into Jeonghan’s lap as he keeps his fingers on the neck. “Here, I’ll teach you how to play the chorus of that song. You can watch my fingers play the chords while you can try strumming the rhythm.” 

 

They work on playing one of Jeonghan’s favorite songs that he suggested the male try to show him just moments earlier, but this time Joshua’s also leaning into his own personal space in order to help him learn how to play. As the male comes closer, Jeonghan’s overly aware of his presence as his own heart starts to race a little faster. He might have been the one to openly decide to get a little up and close with this very handsome guy today, but now he was feeling his heart racing? That was definitely not normal for someone who liked to flirt as much as Jeonghan.

 

Almost as if he noticed Jeonghan getting lost for a moment, Joshua wraps an arm around him and his hand fully envelops Jeonghan’s own to help him strum the rest of the song successfully. At this moment Jeonghan knows that’s he’s already got it bad for this foreigner and he can’t help it. Joshua’s touch is just so gentle and soft and they’ve only known each other for a few minutes but he’s practically melting in his arms. 

 

As they finish the song, Joshua turns to him with a bright smile, almost as if he’s still proud of him for not doing much actual work at all. “See, it’s not too hard to play guitar, right? With just a little help, you’re already able to get most of it down. In no time you’ll be able to add chords too.” 

  
  
  


He decides likes Joshua’s voice too. It’s calm and peaceful and it’s everything he wants to hear. Not to mention, when Joshua speaks to him, his eyes seem so interested and they’re so deeply brown that Jeonghan’s kinda ready to stare into them forever. He’s also got the softest and fluffy looking hair that he’s ready to daydream about carding his fingers through it on a lazy sunday morning. Not to mention, genuinely Joshua seems excited for him to make this progress with playing guitar and it’s like he’s just too nice for his own good. In addition to all of these things that he could probably make a whole list about, Jeonghan likes his nice full lips and finds himself wanting to test out their chemistry before the thoughts alone drive him crazy.

 

Jeonghan had lived his life going after what he wanted with determination. He figured he could be a decent person and actually ask first though. 

 

“Can I kiss you?” He finds himself blurting out in the blue without much shame at all as he turns his face towards Joshua’s own, just to see if he’s down for the idea. The American’s eyes suddenly widen at his question before he lets out a breathy laugh, one that means that he’s assuming that this is all some kind of funny joke and Jeonghan’s just messing with him to see him react in shock. He’s actually kind of innocent and it makes Jeonghan like his pretty little eye smile even more. 

 

But in a moment of complete seriousness, Jeonghan’s eyes flicker down to those full lips again and it gets him subconsciously biting on his own and Joshua stops laughing after he realizes that he’s definitely being checked out right now. 

 

It takes the other male quite a few seconds to actually respond with any other facial expressions. He’s clearly very shy as he he opens his mouth a few times to try and say something but just ends up closing it again and settles for blinking a few times in realization instead. It’s all rather adorable for Jeonghan to watch because he’s had quite a lot of experience with people getting all blushy and bothered by his bluntness in the past, but something about Joshua seems so pure and it’s kind of charming. 

 

“Are you… serious?” He manages to ask out in somewhat disbelief still but doesn’t move away as the older male had reached out to let his fingers lightly trail over his flushing cheek, taking the chance in this moment to admire him a bit more. Jeonghan’s so close to him now, to the point where he can practically feel Joshua’s blush radiating off his skin and starting to spread onto his own skin as well if he just made that little move to cross the distance. 

 

“Honestly, I’ve been thinking about how attracted I am to you as soon as you walked into the room.” Jeonghan admits unashamedly although he feels himself slightly started to get shy in Joshua’s presence as well, knowing all too well that now Joshua was the one staring at him so deeply in search for any possible meaning behind his sudden request. There’s only so long that they can drag this out for though and Jeonghan doesn’t want to waste much more time with words. It’s far too boring that way. He just wants something a little more physical to prove if the chemistry he’s been feeling between them is really there or not. 

 

“Listen…” Jeonghan starts off slowly with his voice slightly hushed, angling his face only a little bit closer to Joshua’s own as he starts to make assure him that this could be more of a reality soon. It feels like he’s almost testing him to make the move first. He knows Joshua’s shy and most likely won’t initiate it, but he still doesn’t want to scare him off yet. “You can say no if you want to… there’s still enough time for me to stop if you don’t want to go through with it. But if there’s nothing holding you back either, then maybe show me that I’m not imagining things here and you just might be into me too.” 

 

They’re close enough so that he can see Joshua swallow to himself heavily, the prominent adam’s apple in his throat bobbing downwards in a way that completely would give away his nervousness irregardlessly. As the male’s tongue flicks over his lips in perhaps an uncertain habit, Jeonghan never realized he was never really a religious person, but now he’s actually praying to god that he doesn’t open up those lips and say anything to interrupt this from happening. At this point he’s nearly shaking with anticipation to just cross the line between them and kiss Joshua already but he respects him enough to just wait for that sign of yes. 

 

If he had accidentally made the mistake of blinking now, he might have missed the way that received a subtle nod of the head before Joshua’s eyes slipped shut in the most tantalizing way. Now he could finally test what everything in his body was already pulling him towards. 

 

Jeonghan’s never been so cautious about kissing someone within his whole life. Something about Joshua just seemed so gentle and soft, like if he didn’t treat him with the utmost care then maybe he’d end up ruining things between them before they could even start. As he barely ghosts his lips over Joshua’s more fuller ones, he can feel that warm puff of air from Joshua’s breath tickle against his own lips. He’s even almost scared by how fast his heart is getting worked up inside from the faint brushing of lips and they’re not even really kissing yet. 

 

It’s like they’re playing a game together to see which one of them is actually going to make the first move. Except instead of this being like something fun and flirtatious, Jeonghan finds himself much more nervous than he ever would have expected. Joshua’s head tips a little to the side out of natural reflex, which causes the tips of their noses to brush together in almost a funny way. Jeonghan nearly finds himself letting out a breathy laugh but he only gets to the point where the corners of his lips start turning up a little and Joshua just decides to give up and kiss him already.

 

They’re only allowing their lips to settle into place on top of each other, without any other movements involved from either side. They’re just feeling each other out experimentally, to test out the waters and get behind the mystery of this sudden chemistry towards each other, yet for some reason it’s not so awkward at all. It’s definitely much too careful and full of questioning, but once Jeonghan fully feels himself melting against those soft warm lips he immediately wants to let out a sigh into the other boy’s mouth because he feels so good. This just feels so right. 

 

Their kiss only lasts for a few seconds before the other male’s eyelids slowly slid open to gauge Jeonghan’s reaction. There’s only about a centimeter between them from touching again but Jeonghan misses him enough already to want to kiss him again. His hand that had somehow found it’s way onto Joshua’s smooth cheek had him pulling the American back in for even more. This time, they could meet much deeper. They were less cautious. Less nervous. And somehow they could care less about barely knowing each other. 

 

Jeonghan kisses Joshua without restraint this time but it doesn’t mean that he’s feeling any less sweet towards the boy. He kisses him in a way that makes him want to wrap his arms around his neck and just stay there for as long as they could kiss for without breathing. He doesn’t though. Jeonghan’s smart enough not to give away all of his tricks during a first kiss. But once Joshua had kissed him back and given him a real kiss back, Jeonghan just finds himself freezing up and not wanting to pull away after all. 

 

Joshua just tastes so sweet to him, and when their eyes open during the kiss to gauge each other’s reaction towards this new physical intimacy, Jeonghan can only think of one thing. 

 

_ Chocolate.  _

 

That would be the perfect word to describe Joshua Hong’s kisses. He’s so soft and smooth and gentle in all of the right ways, and then he’s got those rich dark eyes staring back into Jeonghan’s own and it makes him feel so goddamn safe and warm inside. He’s got it bad already. Jeonghan’s got a craving and he already wants more and more of Joshua. 

 

He’s just about to wrap his arms around Joshua’s neck and give up on trying to respect personal boundaries but then Mingyu enters the living room. 

 

“Excuse me, but what the fuck?” Mingyu finds himself pausing in complete shock as soon as he had entered the room, mouth dropping open as he noted that Jeonghan was nearly in Joshua’s lap at this point. “You guys just met each other this morning, so what am I seeing here?!” 

 

Despite being caught in the act of kissing someone who was still relatively a stranger, Jeonghan kept his composure as he (unfortunately) made his way off of Joshua and went into the kitchen to grab some water with a shrug. 

 

After receiving such a careless brush off of his question from Jeonghan, his eyes could only wander over to Joshua next. “And what do you have to say about this? Did he just jump you or something?” Despite his incessant questions, Joshua just had a smug little grin on his lips and silently shook his head. Mingyu wasn’t going to get any answers today.

 

“Relax, I didn’t jump him.” Jeonghan rolled his eyes slightly despite letting out a small chuckle at the younger’s assumption as he made his way back onto the couch, yet on the opposite end of Joshua this time. “I think it was rather mutual decision for both of us, so I didn’t lure him in and seduce him if that’s what you’re worrying about.” 

 

Mingyu looked like he wanted to let out a long sigh or maybe turn around and go back to his room without saying anything else but he paused for a moment instead. “I’m going to pretend that I didn’t see anything here, in exchange that I don’t  _ have _ to see anything like this again. When close friends suddenly start dating it’s… weird. I don’t like to watch that cute shit start unraveling.” 

 

“We’re not even dating, calm down.” Jeonghan insisted to the younger with a laugh, who still kept somewhat of a little pout on his face for having to witness all of that in the first place. “Just go back to your room and focus on doing that rap thing instead.” 

 

“I better not hear anything weird or I’m telling Scoups-” 

 

“Mingyu, go to your room.” 

 

“But what if-” 

 

Jeonghan lets out a light sigh and playfully makes his way over to the taller male, giving him a slightly aggressive but friendly shove back into the room he came from. He definitely makes sure to shut the door behind him securely before he could even think of anymore dumb questions that would only make Joshua more embarrassed. Jeonghan relatively gave two shits about getting caught in the act with someone but he already knew that Joshua definitely wasn’t the same. He seemed much more like the type to keep relationships on the down low and public displays of affection on a minimal basis so Jeonghan wanted to respect that.

 

As the room they shared between only them became silent again after Mingyu’s departure, Jeonghan felt kind of nervous to sit by Joshua’s side again, yet at the same time, there was somewhat of a skip in his step as he made his way back to the couch. The battle over who would be the one to break the silence first lasted for a few long moments, with Jeonghan just sipping his water and Joshua seemingly paused in his own thoughts.

 

“That was…” Joshua struggled for a while to find his voice, with his fingers moving back to his own lips in order to somehow trigger the feeling again. “...that was very bold of you, Jeonghan.” 

 

Once Joshua had spoken first, it was almost like a weight had been immediately lifted off of his chest. He found himself letting out a small chuckle at how the two of them really were moving too fast with each other just moments ago yet making so little progress now. “I’m sorry for bringing that on so unexpectedly, but I really wanted to do that.” Jeonghan finds himself confessing honestly and slightly embarrassedly, his hand reaches upwards to brush through his hair as he feels himself getting kind of self conscious. Now he feels antsy, with reddening cheeks and heated ears, and for some reason he just can’t look Joshua in the eye anymore. “Was that okay though? If it’s not okay, I won’t do it again but I really felt like you… well, I thought you were into it too so...” 

 

He doesn’t look over at Joshua to gauge his reaction. Instead, he feels a warm palm encompassing over one of his own hands that’s slightly too tensed up from overthinking. 

 

“It’s okay with me. I liked it too, Jeonghan.” That’s all Joshua has to say before Jeonghan feels himself starting to smile a little again, and with every small touch to the skin on the back of his hand, he feels his courage starting to build up as well. “I mean, I didn’t come here today intending to do anything like this with you but I don’t mind that it happened. Maybe I’m even kind of glad that it did.”

 

“But why though?” Jeonghan is a little quick to ask as he finally locks eyes with Joshua again. “Why would you even go along with saying yes in the first place? I’m just curious because you don’t seem like the type to do something so sudden like this.” 

 

“You’re completely right. It’s not in my character to do something like this.” He admits with a soft chuckle and his eyes smile in a way that immediately make Jeonghan want to smile along with him.  “If you want me to be honest here, I don’t think there’s a particular reason why I agreed to it though. I’m not to sure how to explain it but in that one moment, it just felt… right?” 

 

Jeonghan could only nod along to this as he shot a reassuring smile in Joshua’s direction. As he explained his inner thoughts about their experience, maybe he didn’t realize that their hands were together still, and he most likely didn’t realize that his fingers were lightly tracing over the lines of Jeonghan’s own. Either way, Jeonghan decided that he liked it a lot and turned his hand over to grab hold of Joshua’s own.

The American paused for a second in his words from the unexpected contact, but after glancing down at his hand grasped in Jeonghan’s own he only smiled a little more before continuing on. “Before we officially met today, I have to admit that you’ve caught my eye in class on a few occasions. I suppose you could say that I was interested a little bit, but after getting to know you more and finding out that we actually get along so well only made me realize that maybe I was onto something in the first place. Besides, for someone like you to ask to kiss me first… how would I even be able to reject that? You’re really something special, Jeonghan.” 

 

This kid is far too charming for his own good, and the fact that he’s completely sincere with his words has Jeonghan practically full on beaming before he can even duck his head down on Joshua’s shoulder in an attempt to hide. He liked hearing it a bit too much to admit. Instead, he settles for playfully slapping his arm as as excuse to lean more into his side after. 

 

“You’re too nice, really.” Jeonghan finds himself mumbling out with his head still rested on Joshua’s shoulder. “If you keep saying such pretty words to me I might get selfish and want to hear them more often.” 

 

“Hm?” Joshua’s hum is low and soothing to his ears, and Jeonghwa is very aware that he’s kind of leaning over to get a good look at his face and this is also currently too close for comfort. “Then I’ll say them to you as much as you want. How does that sound?” 

 

“Too nice...” Is all that Jeonghan mumbles out again as he finds himself turning his face away from Joshua’s own. His face continuously keeps getting flushed and hot at random intervals based on how the other male acts towards him and he’s really hoping that it’s not noticeable. This is really not like him and rather exhausting to control. As he glances off in the opposite direction to get some air, he finds himself speaking as he starts cooling off all over again. “I noticed you too. In class, I mean. I liked the way you spoke so carefully to try to control your accent from coming out. You really don’t have to try so hard. It’s kind of cute to hear, so you should just talk naturally and stop worrying about it so much.” 

 

Joshua’s a bit quiet for a moment, which makes Jeonghan turn his head back in his direction to try and see what he’s doing. He’s still got Jeonghan’s hand in his lap, carefully examining the way their hands look together with a  slightly concentrated expression despite all of his touches being resolutely soft and gentle. Before Jeonghan can even ask him what he’s thinking about, Joshua smiles up at him so warmly that he physically feels his heart jump for a second. 

 

“Let me take you out, Jeonghan. I want to get to know you even more.” 

 

That was all it really took to turn Jeonghan into a complete mess. Eventually, Vernon and Joshua had left for the day and they parted with a simple hug and small words to see each other in class tomorrow. It was all too simple really, but at the same time Jeonghan found himself frowning slightly as soon as he had left. He was physically pouting over Joshua Hong at this point and Jeonghan did not pout over anybody. 

 

He’s the one who lets people fall all over him, begging to spend any ounce of his free time together, with endless offers of compliments, gifts, and complete attention and affection. Hell, people would even spend money just to get the chance to meet him. But now Joshua had even managed to get a kiss without even pursuing him first, and he was still sincerely interested in getting to know him more even after things got a little physical? 

 

This was not normal or ordinary at all. This was strange and Jeonghan was starting to freak out a little.

 

After spending even longer after the shower to make sure that his hair was blow dried perfectly, as well as digging all the way to the bottom of his closet to find one of his best shirts, Seungcheol definitely noticed something was up when Jeonghan was unable to sleep.

 

“Why do you keep thrashing around?” Seungcheol asked quite amusedly from his own bed across the room. “If you keep it up, I’m going to kick you out and make you sleep on the couch.” 

 

Jeonghan would roll his eyes at him but there’s really no use doing so in the dark. “You don’t even know what I’m going through now. How dare you threaten me and kick me while I’m down.” 

 

Seungcheol can only chuckle to himself softly as he know’s Jeonghan is only being rather dramatic to make his situation seem more important than it really is. “Okay, okay, so what happened this time? I heard you ended up kissing Joshua so I’m going to assume that this involves him?” 

 

“How did you know that?” Jeonghan snapped for a second before the answer was obvious. “Damn that Kim Mingyu.” 

 

“Hey, cut him some slack. You practically traumatized him. All he wanted to do was bring his new friends over to introduce us and you ended up hooking up with one of them.” He finds this all too funny to say outloud and ends up laughing quite a lot, and now Jeonghan really does roll his eyes. “That’s  _ so _ like you, Jeonghan and I’m almost amazed that you didn’t try to get with both of them.” 

 

“ _ Shut up _ , you know that’s not like me.” The younger male comments out defensively for a second, a slight sigh leaving his lips before he continues on with explaining the reason behind his stress. “Anyways, I kissed Joshua like one and a half times so I guess you could say that’s where the story stars.” 

 

“How do you kiss someone one and a half times?” Seungcheol manages to ask ridiculously before a fit of laughter takes over again and Jeonghan knows to pause to let this pass or he won’t end up listening at all. 

 

“Not important- But here’s the facts, I ended up kissing Joshua and he kissed me back, he admitted to kind of being into me, and I definitely already made it clear that I was kinda feeling him too before the kiss even started.” 

 

“So…. where’s the problem here?” 

 

Jeonghan can practically see Seungcheol deadpanning across the room and he would totally swat at his arm if he was close enough. “The problem is that he asked me out, Cheol. Like as in he really wants to get to know me more, that kind of date. But he didn’t say when or where and I don’t have his number so I can’t even ask him when he intends to actually take me out. So do I show up to school tomorrow and just beg him to take me out already? I might as well wear a sign that says  _ “please date me, i’m very desperate” _ to class if I’m being that obvious about things.” 

 

“Jeonghan, you date people for money.” Seungcheol pointed out to him like he had forgotten that fact. “You know how dating works more than anyone else. Just show up tomorrow and ask him where he’s taking you. Keep it casual and confident like that.” 

 

“I would actually rather die.”

 

“Then go and ask Mingyu for his number.” 

 

“You don’t get it- that’s even  _ more _ desperate.” 

 

“I can’t believe you’re actually whining over this guy.” Seungcheol clicks his tongue amusedly at this. “I’ve never seen you so troubled over securing a date before. How much is he paying you? He must be loaded for you to get all worried like this.” 

 

“Oh.” Jeonghan feels something in his chest sink for a second as soon as he starts to come to terms with reality, a bit unsure of whether or not to tell his best friend what his true intentions were behind this meeting. “I wasn’t, um… I’m not going to charge him, Cheol.” 

 

“...What do you mean you’re not going to charge him?” 

 

He’s silent for a moment as he thinks about how to use the right words in order to convey this correctly, or more like how to avoid making Seungcheol upset over this. Staring at the empty ceiling above them doesn’t do much for making up any great excuses though, so he decides honesty is the best policy. 

 

“I just have a good feeling about him.” He confesses with a deep sigh, the words feeling like a physical weight off of his chest as he admits them to his best friend and maybe even to himself for the first time. “I know that only a little bit of time has passed but I feel like I’ve known him for so much longer because it just seems so natural to be around him. If we could just spend a little more time together to really test things, I think I might end up really liking him someday.” 

 

Seungcheol doesn’t answer him for quite awhile, but it’s almost like his silence only furthermore proved his hesitance towards accepting this. And this is probably why Jeonghan didn’t really want to tell him in the first place. “I just hope you know what you’re doing, Jeonghan. If he turns out to be something different than you expected, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

 

He assures Seungcheol that he does know what he’s doing and he’s perfectly fine with accepting a date without charging Joshua, but as soon as he arrives to class the next day, all the can think about is wanting to physically get up and run away as soon as Joshua slides into the seat next him. They never sat together so this was an obvious attack.

 

Joshua is still too polite for his own good today. He wishes him a good morning and offers to help him with last night’s homework assignment that Jeonghan didn’t even do (because he was too busy kicking around in bed and hugging his pillow like a teenage girl), and then he even says thanks for inviting them over in the first place. This makes Jeonghan kind of want to kiss him again and make him shut up because he’s too kind and he really doesn’t even have to try that hard to impress him. But then again, the best thing about Joshua is that he’s actually not trying at all and he’s really this pure. Go figure. 

 

As the classroom starts to fill up completely with students, signalling that their professor is about to arrive soon and prevent them from talking anymore, Jeonghan decides to stop being so hesitant about reminding Joshua of his offer again. 

 

“Hey, what are you planning on doing after class?” 

 

Joshua has to think for a moment before glancing up from the notes he was trying to refresh his memory on. “Nothing in particular.” 

 

“Oh.” 

 

That’s all Jeonghan says out loud because now he’s starting to think Joshua forgot about asking him out in the first place. Maybe it meant nothing to him and Jeonghan was the stupid one for staying up all night and obsessing over how nice of a time they would spend together. 

 

“I wanted to keep my evening open in case you wanted to go out and do something together. After all, we didn’t exactly set the date so I figured that maybe you’d assume that we were meeting today anyways.” Joshua explains from the desk next to Jeonghan’s own, letting his pen fall away from his fingers as he turned to face the elder instead. “Either way, we could go out tonight or any other day if you’d prefer that.” 

 

“Oh.” 

 

Jeonghan doesn’t say too much at first because now he’s smiling far too much in public and he’s trying not to look overly excited. He was going to blame Joshua for forgetting about him and now he goes and says he’s basically already planned his whole day around taking him out? Jeonghan really needs to stop assuming things and be more upfront with this whole Joshua thing. 

 

“I want to go out with you tonight.” Jeonghan decides as he looks into Joshua’s eyes with a soft smile playing on his lips, although on the inside he’s still biting back his smile from growing too much. “Let’s go out right after class.” 

 

The way Joshua smiles back at him so sweetly does something for the butterflies in Jeonghan’s stomach, but at the same time he feels so warm and protected just from his gaze alone. 

 

The rest of the class period is spent with Joshua diligently taking notes down, with Jeonghan slightly impatiently clicking his pen as he counts down the remaining minutes that lead up to their date. He even fantasizes about where they’ll end up going or what might happen between them, with the end of his scenarios hopefully leading up to some hand holding or even another kiss. It was kind of embarrassing, for Jeonghan to get worked up over something so small when he already had countless experiences when it came to dating before. He just couldn’t help himself though. He had such a good feeling about Joshua. 

 

After the bell rings and signals the end of the class period, they head out into the city together towards an unknown destination of Joshua’s choosing. Honestly, Jeonghan was feeling a little nervous at first. He had worries that their chemistry would somehow disappear overnight or things would get awkward after their first kiss. But when Joshua starts the conversation first and looks so genuinely interested in every reply that he receives, Jeonghan finds himself fully opening up to him and sharing much more about himself than he ever would have expected.

 

It’s a little cold today. The beginning of the spring semester still feels much more like winter and as they walk, sometimes their arms brush together in a way that isn’t unpleasant at all. Out of Jeonghan’s interest they do a little shopping along the street as they make their way through the city. It turns out that they like some of the same cartoon characters, so they buy matching phone cases as part of a couple sale. It’s completely cheesy and kind of stupid but they find themselves laughing about it throughout the rest of the evening. 

 

As the sky starts getting dark and the winter’s chill blows throughout the city, they decide to head into a movie theatre to get inside from the cold for awhile. They both don’t really care about which movie they watch but Joshua makes Jeonghan pick for the two of them anyways. He chooses the latest animated disney movie that’s out because he doesn’t want to watch anything serious, plus the slight language barrier might be a problem for the American boy so he picks something in English just to be safe. Jeonghan’s completely fine with having to read subtitles on the screen because honestly, he’ll probably just be trying to sneak peaks at Joshua instead of paying attention. 

 

Deciding to go to the movies was actually a genius idea because when Joshua laughs at a part that the subtitles don’t fully explain, he can use the excuse of mistranslation and ask him to explain the English jokes to him. This makes Joshua have to lean in really close to whisper in his ear, which is really great and all but after about three times of asking, Jeonghan’s wondering why he didn’t even try to wrap an arm around him or anything like that yet. For a second he’s slightly offended to why Joshua wouldn’t even try to attempt a hug but then he realizes- Joshua isn’t the type of person he usually dates. 

 

They’re not here together because they’re playing a game of cat and mouse and competing for who will end up leading each other on in the end. Joshua isn’t some dirtbag that’s just here to try and get in his pants and leave him after he's achieve that. He’s not even someone that Jeonghan has a contract with to use for paid dating.

 

He’s here because he actually cares about the real Jeonghan. The real Jeonghan that everyone else can’t see hiding behind those beautiful features and pretty blond hair. 

 

Jeonghan tips his head up towards Joshua’s own for a moment as he steals a look at this boy that he’s barely even known for a full twenty-four hours. It’s definitely strange, how he could only know him for this long but he’s almost sure he’s really starting to like him already. It’s refreshing in the best possible way to know that someone as sincere as Joshua is taking the steps towards liking him back too. After dealing with countless people who only cared about his looks, he’s starting to feel like maybe he deserves someone like Joshua Hong to come into his life. 

 

Without any second thoughts, his arm decides to move around Joshua’s own to bring the two of their bodies closer together. Of course the other male is a little surprised by the sudden contact, but Jeonghan can only smile up at him from where his head was now resting on his shoulder. Then Joshua smiles back at him so softly that Jeonghan physically feels warmth coursing throughout his whole body. There’s probably no other place on earth he’d rather be right now. 

 

“Are you cold or something?” Joshua asks out of genuine concern, seemingly making that the reason behind Jeonghan’s sudden physical affection in his own head. Before he can even give him an answer, Joshua moves to wrap his own jacket around the elder’s shoulders in a way that envelops him perfectly. 

 

Even though he gives over his jacket, he doesn’t lean away from Jeonghan’s hold on his arm. If anything, he even leans in closer just to make sure he’s perfectly warm enough. 

 

“I’m not cold anymore.” Jeonghan makes sure to inform him from his position of resting his head on Joshua’s sturdy shoulder. There’s a small smile playing on his lips that he’s trying to bite back, and he’s pretty sure he’s staring up at Joshua like he means the whole world to him already but he’s starting to care less about his stubborn pride getting in the way of letting him show that. 

 

Joshua looks down at him with his signature gentle smile for just a moment before he leans forwards to press his lips so softly against Jeonghan’s temple before turning back to the movie. It might have only lasted a second or two, but Jeonghan’s heart continued racing in his chest for quite a long time after.

 

Their connection is still so palpable, Jeonghan can feel himself being pulled into it. 

 

After the movie, Joshua takes him to a restaurant of his own choosing because he thinks Jeonghan is going to like it there. It’s a trendy western style place, one that Jeonghan would have probably never chosen for himself simply because it seems a little too fancy for his likes there. He’s starting to feel a little out of place with his baggy sweater and jeans because it’s only now that he realizes that Joshua always seems to dress very neatly like he’s put together perfectly. He almost feels self conscious for a moment until Joshua reaches for his hand across the table and soothes him out of it with more good conversation. 

 

They hang out at the restaurant much long after they finish eating just because they want the night to continue on. It’s almost around ten when they decide to start walking back towards campus just because that’s what they should do. After much insisting, Jeonghan finally agrees to Joshua’s frequent offers of walking him home back to his own place. He’s lucky that Joshua doesn’t really know the way back to the apartment because he take a few detours just to extend their time together. This perfect night is about to end and he’s just trying to put it off as long as possible. 

 

After using the excuse that it’s cold again to stop by the convenience store and pick up some instant teas for the remainder of the walk back, Joshua’s hand ended up wrapped around his own again. Jeonghan would like to think that he just really wanted to hold his hand instead of the whole cold thing though. 

 

When Joshua brings him to his doorstep, there’s something funny lingering in the air. It’s like the both know what they should be doing next but neither of them want to be the one to do it first. 

 

“So…. I guess I’ll see you in class tomorrow?” Jeonghan finds himself trailing on even though it’s a horribly boring thing to say, but he really can’t think of anything else. His heart is already beating in anticipation because he knows that another kiss is going to come soon and he’s kind of embarrassed by how badly he wants it. 

 

Joshua laughs a bit at the bluntness but finds himself nodding along anyways. “That’s right, you will…” He says back for a moment as a bit of seriousness takes over, his hand is still with Jeonghan’s own and even he’s not too ready to let go yet. “I had a lot of fun with you tonight, Jeonghan. I hope that if you liked it as much as I did, we’ll be going out to do it all over again sometime soon.” 

 

“How about tomorrow night?” Jeonghan finds himself blurting out a little too eagerly before he can really stop himself and this makes Joshua laugh so much that his eyes completely scrunch up in happy little crescent shapes. 

 

“If you’re trying to go out every night this week, my wallet is really going to suffer.” 

 

He’s pretty certain that Joshua is joking with him but he replies back anyways. “I’ll pay for the next one then.” 

 

“No, no, you don’t have to…” Joshua insists on for a moment with the shake of his head as he clutches Jeonghan’s hand a little more towards to his own chest, like he’s just wanting to hold him close for a bit longer. “There’s no rush to make everything happen all at once. If you want to meet tomorrow we could just do something casual together, like grab some lunch  in between classes or watch something back in my dorm. Maybe it’s better to save the more exciting dates for once a week so we can make them into something special.” 

 

“I’d like that.” Jeonghan decides honestly as he feels his body instinctively taking a step towards Joshua once he felt the small tug on his hand. “So I really will see you tomorrow then?” 

 

“Well, even if you didn’t want to we’re in the same class so you’ll have to see me irregardlessly-” 

 

“Or you can come upstairs with me now?” He found himself suggesting a bit more boldly than he was expecting from himself. Even though he was the one who offered, he was a bit unsure of what implications were even behind his own statement. All he knew was that he really didn’t want Joshua to leave yet. “We could, um- drink some more tea together because it’s been cold walking outside… or I have instant ramen too? Or Mingyu could cook you up something? I don’t know but if you wanted to, you could come in...”

 

Struggling to make up any good reasons behind inviting his date to come back to his place and failing to do so made Jeonghan’s cheeks completely heat up during his flustered moment. He had to look away to the ground for a second so that Joshua wouldn’t be able to notice. But then there were two hands cupping his cheeks and the petal soft touch of lips against his forehead that made him feel weak in the knees. If he didn’t wrap his arms around Joshua’s waist in that second, he was almost sure that he would have melted completely. 

 

“Although I’m thankful for the offer, I’m going to pass this time. I just….” As Joshua paused in his words, Jeonghan nearly felt like his heart was actually going to stop as the male brushed the pads of his fingers over his cheek with utmost care. “I want to take things slow with you, Jeonghan. I think I’m starting to develop some real feelings for you so I want us to take our time and let things happen naturally. Just like we let things happen today.” 

 

For some reason Jeonghan kind of wants to cry, but it makes no sense because he’s actually much more happy today than he’s been in a long time. 

 

“Let’s take our time then.” Jeonghan says like it’s a promise. When he glances up slightly to meet Joshua’s eyes with his own, he feels a bit nervous to see the genuine look of affection radiating off the other male but he’s still able to smile anyways as he’s suddenly pulled into a tight hug. “But um… does this still mean I can see you tomorrow?” 

 

Joshua doesn’t hesitate to let out a soft laugh at Jeonghan’s slightly amusing yet adorable question. There’s only a muffled comment of “of course” shared between them before Joshua can pull Jeonghan into a delicate kiss, one that’s still a bit too careful but perhaps one of the best kisses Jeonghan’s ever experienced in his whole life. 

  
  


He’s decided already. He likes Joshua a whole lot more than he would have ever imagined.

  
  
  


/ / Joshua 

 

Joshua knew exactly what he was getting into before he started getting serious with Jeonghan.

 

There was no way he could have not known what Jeonghan was like. Before they even met, he already had an idea what he was all about based on whispers he’d hear from people when Jeonghan walked by. His own friends would tell him the details about Jeonghan’s playful life of dating people for money. They’d warn him that it would be crazy to expect Jeonghan to fall for him back. They’d say there’s no way in hell that anyone could get him to settle down. Yoon Jeonghan could never commit to an actual relationship.

 

Joshua knew all of this. It still didn’t scare him away. He always knew that he couldn’t make Jeonghan only have eyes for him so somehow he grew content with the fact that he could only keep a little bit of his heart with him. That was still better than nothing.

 

People always said that Jeonghan only cared about the money. That’s why he even started the whole paid dating thing in the first place. Most of the guys on campus eyed him with jealousy, yet still commented about him being vain and selfish for leading girls on. Most of the girls on campus were split. They either completely loved him or hated him for being unable to get a chance with him.  

 

Joshua never believed anything he heard from anyone else. He trusted his own eyes the most, and his eyes were telling him that this was all some big act. 

 

The Jeonghan that he knew would come over unannounced to his dorm room whenever he felt like it. He’s much quieter and composed in private, generally liking to get away from his countless admirers to spend some alone time reading or sleeping or watching tv for hours with Joshua. When they were together, it gave Jeonghan the time to unwind and truly be himself for just a little longer before he’d get called out for another meeting. 

 

The Jeonghan that Joshua was able to spend time with was always so comfortable and relaxed. He didn’t have to act overly confident to keep up his appearances in public, he didn’t have to watch over his speech or his actions, he didn’t have to try to live up to something that he’s not. Maybe that’s what made Joshua fall for him in the first place. He was the only one who could see the real Jeonghan like this. 

 

Joshua was truly satisfied to be casually dating with Jeonghan, or whatever kind of relationship they shared between them. He could convince himself that they were like a real couple as much as he needed to because he was truly happy to be with him. This all meant that he was fine with turning his head the other way when he noticed Jeonghan attending to one of his clients. He didn’t listen to the stories of gossip he’d hear about Jeonghan while walking down the halls. Eventually, he learned not to get too disappointed when Jeonghan would make an excuse and leave to meet someone else. 

 

Just because he got used to it, that didn’t mean that it still didn’t hurt sometimes.

As much as he accepted Jeonghan and his choices, he didn’t necessarily approve of them or like them in anyway. He was there to witness the personal toll it took on the elder. Overtime, Jeonghan was growing tired of attending to people he didn’t care about and it was starting to complicate things in their relationship. Joshua would tell him that it’s not worth it to put on a fake persona in order to hold up some stupid reputation, he’d tell him that he saw how exhausted he’d be every time he came back from meetings, and how emotionally drained he was starting to look over time. 

 

Every time, Jeonghan would just shake his head and smile almost sadly to himself. He’d assure him that everything wasn’t that easy and it would all be over shortly. They’d be free after graduation. 

 

Joshua promised to be with him if he did want to quit someday. He’d be there when things fell out and the whole university wanted to judge him for it. But at the same time, he’d also stop trying to push him towards making a decision. 

 

As much as Joshua felt like he’d be able to stand by Jeonghan’s side through it all, no matter what and with no strings attached, there’s one day that he regrets with everything in his being. He almost lost Jeonghan for good one time and it was all because of his own personal insecurities. 

 

The party that their friend group threw for the first time was also the first party they attended together as a couple. Things started good in the beginning, where they all told funny stories about each other’s past while playing truth or dare and getting buzzed on drinks before the party even started. As someone asked for the real details behind Seungcheol and Jeonghan’s past, Joshua felt his heart physically sink to the bottom of his chest. 

 

All this time, he was kind of suspecting that the two of them had something going on with each other. He saw the way they interacted with each other so closely and seemed to be able to communicate with just their eyes alone. The fact that they were roommates and shared such a deep bond only made him more jealous. How could he even stand a chance when Seungcheol was already so unbearably close like this? 

 

Like always, Joshua tried to swallow down the uncomfortable lump of heartbreak that would settle in the back of his throat. He’d pretend that nothing bothered him and he didn’t see or hear anything after all. Soothing his envy towards the relationship they shared was much harder. It took several drinks of hard liquor to even make him start forgetting. 

 

He was really doing okay for awhile and things were under control for the most part. All of his friends were enjoying the party and he was starting to loosen up a little more too, until he caught sight of Jeonghan having an absolute blast without him. It seemed like Jeonghan was willing to dance with every single person in the room, even the complete strangers, instead of wanting to spend at least one dance with Joshua tonight.

Joshua stormed out of the party with hot stinging tears of jealous prickling at his eyes. He felt so stupid to let his feelings get the best of him like this. He was nowhere better than a child for being unable to just confront Jeonghan directly and just tell him that he wanted attention too. All he could do was leave the party and make his way out into the rain. 

 

There wasn’t even enough time to decide whether to go home or not before someone was pulling on his arm. 

 

“Are you okay? I saw you rush out without telling anyone so I was worried you got sick or something...” Jeonghan looks up at him with nothing but complete cluelessness in his eyes, but it’s still clear that he’s worried about him at this point. “Are you not feeling good? Do you want me to take you home?” 

 

Joshua just shakes his head without a word and tries to yank his arm away. He’s still bitter. 

 

“No, I’m not physically sick. I’m just tired of seeing you with everyone else but me, Jeonghan. Seeing you dancing so closely with anyone else is what really makes me feel sick.” He admits honestly, but he doesn’t find himself getting any less angry about the situation. If anything, maybe speaking out loud about his worries only makes him get even more upset. “I’ve done nothing but try to prove to you that I’d do anything to be with you but I get nothing back in return. There’s moments where I really think that you’re starting to fall for me too but then days like tonight happen and we’re back to step one.”  

 

The feeling of guilt that occurs as he watches Jeonghan’s face fall is extremely overwhelming but he doesn’t give in.

 

The elder’s lips part open for a moment to say something but they immediately close before pausing to think again. “I don’t really know what I did wrong… you told me to go and have fun and since I know you don’t like dancing or crowded areas so I went to have some fun with my other friends for a little while...” Jeonghan mumbles out his own thoughts behind their misunderstanding and attempts to take a step towards Joshua. “If you really wanted me to come over and spend time with you, you could have just found me and I would have understood that you were feeling lonely or uncomfortable to be at a party.” 

 

“We see each other every single day, Jeonghan. This isn’t about wanting to spend more time together.” Joshua is stern in reminding him as he takes a step back in order to keep his resolve. His voice is already shaking and he’s nearly about to cry on the street. If Jeonghan just took that one step forward to touch him, he’s nearly certain he’d break down completely. “I’m just so fucking tired of it all. I’m sick of seeing you with other people all the time. I’ve tried to ignore it and push it away for months now, but it’s really starting to break my heart. If you really have feelings for me like you say you do, then why can’t it just be me? Why can’t you only look at me like that? Why can’t I be the only one who can touch you so intimately? Why can’t I just love you like this and have that be enough?” 

And now those angry and bitter tears of jealousy fall down his cheeks along with the pouring rain above them. The chill from the droplets from above send a shiver down his spine, but the ones from his eyes burn hot trails of embarrassment down his cheeks. He knows he shouldn’t be testing Jeonghan like this. Giving him an ultimatum was the last thing he wanted to do. But falling in love had made him selfish and revealed his ugly desires out in the open. 

 

He doesn’t want to see the look on Jeonghan’s face. Especially now that this is the first time he’s said those words to him and under these circumstances, he’s not sure he can even handle it. 

 

Just like himself, it seems like Jeonghan is a loss of words. The sound of the rain slapping against the sidewalk is the only thing that resonates through his ears. It would really be better for the both of them in Jeonghan just rejects him here to make a clean break with things. He could just turn around and go back into the party like this never even happened and they would never speak to each other again.

 

But the Jeonghan steps forward suddenly and tries to hug him. 

 

“Don’t touch me.” Joshua is quick to command as he pushes his arms out in denial of the physical contact. “I don’t want things like this to happen between us if you’re still going to go around acting like some kind of whore who only flirts for the money.” 

 

He only notices the hurt look on Jeonghan’s face for one second before he immediately turns around and runs off into the night. Jeonghan didn’t deserve this type of treatment. He didn’t deserve a guy like Joshua who couldn’t even get a hold over his jealousy. 

 

That was the biggest mistake he had ever made.

 

They didn’t talk for awhile after that. Jeonghan had tried to approach him in class the day after and he had been the one who tried to apologize first. That only made Joshua even more guilty about how selfish he was. Purposely he makes every effort he can to avoid Jeonghan completely in order to do what’s best for him. 

 

Everyone else can see through them though. If anything, they’re only making it harder for each other by not speaking. 

 

When Mingyu forces them to speak again at the club, Joshua really has every excuse not to want to meet Jeonghan. Even after nearly a whole month of reflecting and living up to his actions from that day, he’s still not too sure whether he wants Jeonghan to accept him back into his life because he still hasn’t fully forgiven himself yet. Jeonghan deserves only the best though, so that also means that certainly he deserves an apology as well. 

 

After they reunited again at the club and Jeonghan was the first to wrap his arms around him, Joshua was nearly ready to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness right there. He doesn’t though. Instead, he agrees with Jeonghan’s suggestion to start talking again to hopefully bring things back to where they’re supposed to be. That means they greet each other at the start of class again, occasionally share text messages, and then sometimes get around to hanging out in groups again. Working on building up their friendship again is all that Joshua really could have asked for after messing up so badly. 

 

Once again, he really convinces himself that he’s just okay with having Jeonghan by his side, even if that means they’re just friends. He still loves him with all of his heart, but maybe this can be enough for now. After all, maybe this is all he deserves at this point.

 

Then there was a day that changed everything all over again. 

 

After all of the spring musical performances finished up, there was a cast dinner that he was invited to attend along with their whole group of friends. He purposely made himself stay in and study instead of going out to join everybody in case his presence would make anything get weird in between Jeonghan and maybe Seungcheol if he attended. Even though he was alone on a friday night and not expecting any company, he grew slightly hopeful when he heard a few knocks on his door. Maybe Vernon was bringing him back some leftover sweets from the party so he wouldn’t be so alone after all. 

 

But when the door opens and he’s met with a very breathless Jeonghan, he’s too shocked by seeing the last person he imagined here that he can’t even say anything as Jeonghan practically throws himself at him. 

 

“W-What are you- ” Joshua mumbles out unskillfully as he brings his face back a bit, checking for any signs of hurt or distress on the male’s face that might explain his sudden visit. 

 

“Don’t say anything.” Jeonghan insists with a slightly playful smile as he places his fingertip to rest on Joshua’s lips. “This time, you’re going to let me speak first because I have a whole lot of things that I’ve realized during the past few days and I think you’re really going to want to hear it.” 

 

It’s like Jeonghan’s waiting for him before he continues on, so he just nods his head once in acceptance because his lips can’t really move right now. 

 

“I know that we’ve been taking some time apart to realize what we really want right now. I have realized a lot of things about myself and what kind of goals I want to set for myself after graduation but there’s one thing that I just can’t seem to figure out.” Jeonghan starts explaining in a way that seems more resolutely confident than he’s ever seen from him before. It takes Joshua aback for a second by how serious he is. “And that one thing I can’t figure out is why we have to keep spending time apart because we think it’s better for us. Who decided that in the first place? Why can’t we  just be together and be happy together because that’s what we both want?” 

 

Joshua’s lips part open to say something but words don’t come. There’s a million things that he could possibly say. Things that include him not deserving forgiveness, for Jeonghan deserving better, for him being too selfish to have to share Jeonghan with anyone else. There’s a bunch of stupid little reasons that could complicate things between them all over again. But is it really worth it? There’s only about a month left before graduation. Instead of trying to dance around each other in circles not to upset things, they should just spend the last of their time together happily. 

 

Before he can even work himself up to speak and let Jeonghan know that he would want nothing more than that, the elder’s finger presses against his lips again in order to prevent him from speaking. 

 

“I’m not done speaking to you yet. I don’t want to hear anything until I’m done showing you completely.” Jeonghan chuckles a little from the small game they’re playing together but now Joshua is kind of laughing along with him at this point. “I’m going to tell you the best part of it right now, so Joshua Jisoo Hong, you better listen up because I’ve never meant these words so much in my entire life. I love you. With my whole entire heart. And even though you hurt me with your choice of words before and I hurt you with my inability to come to terms with my feelings, all of that seems so god damn irrelevant now because all I could think of was running here to be with you again. You’re my future. You’re what I want the most after graduation. Hell, you actually hold my whole heart in your hands right now and it’s finally time that you take responsibility for it. Date me again. Take me back. It will be just you and me from now on.” 

 

Joshua almost can’t believe the connotation behind Jeonghan’s words. He’s practically speechless from what these words entail. They’re going to be together again. He’s going to be Jeonghan’s boyfriend. They’re going to be open and exclusive together in the public. 

 

His hand reaches out to cup Jeonghan’s cheek, and if he looks closely enough, he can see the way that bittersweet tears are slightly pooling up in the elder’s eyes. The feeling is almost melancholic as Jeonghan quickly looks away in order to follow through with his promise, he takes his hand and leads him into the bathroom that’s attached to the dorm room. 

 

“You don’t have to do this, you know.” Joshua tries to softly reassure him from going through with something he maybe didn’t have to as they stand in front of the mirror together. “Your words were enough to convince me of your feelings.” 

 

Jeonghan’s hand is shaking as he holds a pair of scissors up the long delicate locks of hair that fall down much farther than his shoulders. That beautiful hair meant everything to him just months ago. It defined him and made him exactly who he was, and now it was the only thing holding him back from fully stripping away his old lifestyle. His eyes are still watery with unshed tears that don’t want to fall, but as soon as the first cut is finished and a large clump of hair falls into the sink in front of them, he can’t help but to smile somewhat proudly from what he’s already accomplished so far. 

 

“I’m going to go all the way through with it.” Jeonghan repeats out to him clearly as he makes a few more snips of the scissors to send a mess of dark hair all over the counter. They’d worry about cleaning up everything later. This moment was too important to interrupt. “This is really the end, Joshua. All of the paid dating is over. I don’t want to be controlled by anyone anymore.” 

 

When it’s over, Jeonghan finally lets out some of his tears Joshua sits him down on his lap and attempts to cut his newly shortened hair more carefully this time in order to make it look more even. He knows why Jeonghan is crying but he doesn’t ask about it. It’s too personal and he wants to give him a little space. He know it’s going to be hard to cut his ties away from the previous life he lived here and start a completely new one after graduation. It’s a struggle that never involved Joshua in the first place so he’s not going to pry, but because he understands everything he intends to stay by his side and continue taking care of him like this. 

 

He’s going to feel so free after he breaks away, but Joshua will be here to guard him until he fulls feels at peace with everything in the meantime.

 

Once he’s done evening out the male’s haircut, he lightly blows his breath over his lover’s nape to send the little tiny remnants of cut hair flying away from his flawless skin. With arms protectively wrapped around the male’s waist, he pulls him impossibly closer onto his lap in order to let him know that they’re in this together now. He ghosts his lips over Jeonghan’s skin with soft whispers that everything is going to be okay, with endless trails kisses to his neck and nape that are only meant to make him feel warm and safe here. 

 

“You’re loved so much, Jeonghan.” Joshua finds himself confessing to him as they share this moment of intimacy. “I’ve loved you so much already and now I’m going to give you so much more love from now on. There’s never going to be a day where you feel unloved ever again.” 

 

And with that, the rest of their futures will unfold together. 

 


	28. junhui, soonyoung, wonwoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the next bonus chapters will focus on a few members of the group and reveal some of the backstories that take place over the course of our twenties, in the past, future, or present.
> 
> after each character's story is revealed, vernon and seungkwan's story will be back for the conclusion.
> 
> this chapter includes : junhui, soonyoung, and wonwoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not only do these character chapters take longer to write, they take so much planning-   
> i guess that's why i'm late for updating this time so i'm sorry about the wait ; ;
> 
> either way, today is actually my birthday so it was my goal to get this all finished for today as my little gift for you guys ! 
> 
> @ citruseungkwan on tumblr (even though i've been too busy to be active rip) 
> 
> i have much more free time this week so i'll get around to all of the comments soon !

/ / Junhui

 

Wen Junhui’s dreams were far too big for his hometown. That’s what brought him to uproot his whole entire life and travel to Korea instead. His parents didn’t approve of his decision. His best friend didn’t either. And there were certain times where even his own body felt like it was betraying him after hours of nonstop practice. But even when it felt like the whole world was fighting against him too, the only thing that kept him going were the dreams that lingered just out of reach of his fingertips. 

 

Junhui had been somewhat of a child actor when he was a kid. Unfortunately that didn’t really mean much for a resume because he had stopped pursuing that almost immediately after the responsibilities of studying were deemed more important than acting by his parents. He had a few guest star appearances on Chinese dramas, and even a few pictures from modeling, but that didn’t mean anything when it came to being casted in Korea. Childhood Junhui was clearly not the Junhui of today and he needed new experience right now. If he didn’t get it fast, then he’d be passed up by all of the younger and more prospective trainees anyday now. 

 

Coming to Korea had definitely been a journey. Immediately after he graduated from high school, he managed to sell some of his belongings in order to afford the plane ticket as well as a few weeks of hostel expenses. That still didn’t mean he could get a job and end up living in the country while he desperately tried to make his dreams come true though. The choice to attending university merely meant that he was allowed to work for some hours under the international student program, and while it was another step towards financing his dream, it just meant a whole new pile of work to add onto his already busy schedule. At least his parents were somewhat more supportive of him now that he had promised to continue his studies though. 

 

They still don’t offer to pay his dorm bills, or school fees, or even his eating expenses, but that doesn’t bother him a bit.. It’s what he deserves after abandoning them and fleeing to another country for such a selfish reason. 

 

So that leaves Junhui to work two jobs. He finishes almost all of his assignments in between his breaks or during the slow hours, with occasional drips of coffee littering over his paper or various smudges from food residue smearing against his hard work. He tries to be a perfectionist as much as he can, but he’s starting not to care too much anymore. The exhaustion kind of prevents him from doing his best sometimes.

 

In the rare event that he does get any free time, that’s when he can attempt to make progress towards his dream. 

 

Wen Junhui wants to be a famous entertainer. Unlike the countless amount of people in the world who have dreams about being famous, his desires aren’t rooted behind any vanity. He doesn’t want to be the center of attention or to gain popularity or money. His reason is a bit more particular than that. Every so often for the past twenty or so years, Junuhi has had a literal reoccurring dream where he’s on stage performing. There’s no people. There’s no cheering. It’s just him up there, and he feels the most unbelievable surge in his chest telling him to open his mouth and sing his heart out, to dance with everything his body has, to exist on the stage and make it his own. 

 

It just feels like that’s where he needs to be. 

 

Somehow chasing after this very literal dream has led him on this journey to somehow replicate the same feeling in his real life. He’s set it as his new dream, his ultimate goal, his final destination. It’s even got him running away to foreign countries and painstakingly searching through all the listings for auditions in this city while working his ass off at the same time. Whether it be for acting or singing, dancing or modeling, he’ll do it all just for a chance to feel that breathtaking sensation more realistically again.

 

But there’s a major problem that’s affecting Junhui’s dreams. Time is ticking against him. South Korea might have the potential for debuting hundreds of trainees in a year, but these trainees are getting younger and younger. Junhui’s twenty-one and fighting for a spot against a pool of younger and fresher pre-teens competing for the same dream. 

 

Things get messy sometimes. And when things get tough, shit ends up hitting the fan all at once and everything kind of tends to break down in a spiral. He can’t handle the pressures of not being able to make any progress towards his dream alone. Because of this, he’s so undoubtedly lucky that his best friend since the beginning of time, Xu Minghao, had decided to move to Korea as soon as he finished high school as well. 

 

Junuhi met Minghao when they were just kids. Back then, they were both interested in becoming child stars and ended up meeting each other on the set of a photoshoot. Junhui’s mom had started up a conversation with Minghao’s, and eventually they were pushed together to play in order to let their mothers talk in peace. At first, Junhui didn’t really like Minghao all that much. Despite being older by a few years, he was still horribly  _ jealous _ of him. Minghao’s family had money and that automatically meant they’d be able to use their connections to get better roles in show business. That was just how life worked. He was blinded by his ignorant childhood envy at the time to realize that he still went through the same process of auditioning like every other kid, but something still seemed so unfair for the seven year old Junhui. 

 

Minghao decided he wasn’t interested in pursuing that type of lifestyle about a year later. The one-sided rivalry that Junhui had created kind of disappeared after that. Once Minghao wasn’t around to accompany him to auditions anymore, and now he had no one to compete with, he only realized afterwards that he had been stubborn for no reason. It was actually pretty lonely without him. He missed Minghao. 

 

He didn’t have to miss him for very long though. Of course their parents would end up enrolling them in the same school together in the future. Junhui might have been young, but he was mature enough to realize that he wasn’t exactly giving Minghao a good chance towards becoming friends back then. Once they became classmates, things kind of clicked suddenly and they got along together beautifully. They became a were a perfect pair of best friends, never to be separated again. 

 

Minghao was furious when he left for Korea without any warning. Junhui had purposely kept his best friend out of it because he knew he would definitely try and stop him, but the amount of hurt he caused the other had not been expected. They fought constantly when Minghao still had his last year of school to finish up before he could up and leave China too, but now things are seemingly starting to fall back into where they normally were now that Minghao moved to Korea as well. It seems like just the distance made them feel unseasy and lead to misunderstandings. 

 

Minghao is everything to Junhui. Without Minghao, he probably wouldn’t have even made it this far. That’s the one and only source of support that he has.

 

“I’m so exhausted I can’t even feel my legs.” Junhui slumps down with a sigh into one of the booths at the coffee shop he works at. After doing a late night shift yesterday, running back to his dorm for some exercise in between, and working another full shift today, he’s just about to hit the limit of what his body can take. He’s so lucky that he has Minghao’s shoulder to use as a pillow right now. 

 

“Do you want me to kick you? Maybe then you’ll be able feel your legs again.” Minghao snarkily replies back and Junhui lets out a small laugh that’s much too tired but still sincere. “ But anyways, I spent like a whole hour yesterday trying to learn how to make pork cutlets and I think the one I made for you today came out much better than the rest. I worked hard for you so you better hurry up and try it before you fall asleep. Or else I’ll be horribly offended...” 

 

Junhui’s beyond thankful that his best friend cares enough about him to make him boxed lunches sometimes. He never asked Minghao not even once, so he’s even more touched by the fact that the younger just started making this a habit because he wants to. But even though he’s very grateful, he’s not really feeling up to eating much today.

 

“Have you ever been so tired that the thought of eating makes you even more tired? Because that’s me right now.” He says in a bit of a joking tone but nonetheless, he’s completely serious as he turns his face to rest against Minghao’s neck, where he decides to get nice and comfy in there instead. It’s the perfect place. “You know I love your food but I’d much rather sleep first and eat during the last five minutes of break.” 

 

He feels Minghao stiffen up after what he says. It’s expected. The sigh that follows after is all too predictable too. 

 

“Junhui, you have to eat-” 

 

“I know, Hao. I really do.” His voice lowers as he only nuzzles his face into the male’s body more for the warm and relaxation that he so desperately needs right now. He knows Minghao cares about him. Maybe he cares too much. But instead of bickering about his health, he just needs for things to be quiet so he can rest just a little. “I promise that I’ll eat before my break is over. I just need to sleep for thirty minutes or so and I’ll be fine for the rest of the day. Just please give me that.” 

 

Minghao is silent this time. His shoulders slowly start to relax, and even though he’s slightly disappointed he won’t force Junhui to do anything he doesn’t want to. That’s the kind of relationship they’ve grown to share these days. Minghao tries too hard to take care of him, and Junhui doesn’t need anything from anyone else so he pushes him away. He knows all too well that he’s the only one who can make his own dream come true. That’s why he doesn’t want to burden anyone else by asking for help. 

 

In a rare moment, he lets Minghao take care of him a little sometimes. On days like this, he’s not sure if he could make it through without him simply existing there beside him. Junhui’s a bit selfish to use Minghao’s presence like a lifeline, but he lets Minghao get a bit selfish over him too. He doesn’t complain at all when he feel’s the younger’s lips press against his forehead when he thinks he’s already sleeping. 

 

. . . . . 

 

“Hey, Joshua…” Junhui starts mumbling out one night where he’s actually in the same room with his roommate and not sleeping in some practice studio or in a breakroom for a change. They’re just listening to music as they work on some assignments, but a question had popped into his mind after he heard the American singing so beautifully under his breath. “Do you think I’m strong enough as a singer to make it someday?” 

 

The question is definitely unexpected. Joshua has to think for a moment in an attempt to unravel the sentence for any hidden meanings behind it. 

 

“There’s a whole bunch of famous people who aren’t talented at singing and still make music. I’d say you’re already at an advantage just on the fact that you’re able to carry yourself without cracking or straining.” Joshua’s answer is just as polite as he was expecting, but for some reason Junhui finds himself sighing anyways, only furthermore prompting him to continue with a soft chuckle. “Well, maybe if I knew your reason for asking, I’d be able to give you a better answer.” 

 

“I  _ can _ sing. I’m perfectly fine at singing. But I can’t sing like Seungkwan. Or Seokmin. Or even you or Jeonghan for that matter.” He admits a bit defeatedly as his eyes wander up to the blank ceiling above them, finding himself a bit insecure and unable to look Joshua in the eyes after confessing all of this. “It’s just the most frustrating thing in the whole world because there’s nothing I can do to change my voice. Even after years of professional training, I’ll never be able to hit the same notes as Seokmin, or have as much power as Seungkwan. There’s absolutely nothing I can do to get to their level.” 

 

As if Joshua can understand where he’s coming from, he lets out a hum and nods his head. “You’re right.” 

 

“W-What?” Junhui finds himself sputtering a bit incredulously as he snaps his head back to look at him. “You’re not supposed to agree with me! You’re supposed to give me some magical advice that’s going to cure all of my anxieties about the future! That’s basically your job as my roommate!” 

 

Joshua finds himself laughing softly at this, to the point where his eyes turn into nice little eye-smiles and it makes Junhui instantly feel comfortable again. Now he knows that he was only kidding before. “I mean, you were technically right. Both you and I can practice singing for years and never end up sounding like Seokmin or Seungkwan. But that’s what makes music special. It would be boring if everyone had the same voice. Where’s the uniqueness in that?” 

 

Joshua had a point here. Junhui really knew he did but something inside of him was still too stubborn not to stop asking. It was probably the insecurities about his future acting up again. “But let’s say we’re speaking technically here…let’s say my voice is as professionally trained as Seungkwan’s. At the end of the day, he’s still going to be able to hit more beautiful notes than me because that’s just what life ended up giving to us. Do I still have what it takes to make it even though the world is going to have enough people like Seokmin and Seungkwan to sing instead?” 

 

Joshua stares at him for a moment before smiling very slowly. “I think you missed the lesson behind what I was trying to tell you before.” 

 

“Well, I’m stressed out.” Junhui puffs his lips out in a slight pout. “Forgive me if I’m scatterbrained and can’t understand everything so easily.” 

 

“There’s a whole lot of sentimental things that I could tell you right now, but if you want me to keep it simple, here you go; the only thing that you can have control over is your own voice. You were only given one, so that voice should be special enough for you. Train it, make it better, set new goals for yourself. Instead of looking at Seokmin or Seungkwan on some high pedestal that you can’t reach, why don’t you find the things that you do admire about their voices and try to learn from that instead of worrying. Even if you try forever and you still can’t master a certain thing, try to look into yourself and figure out the things that you can do better than most and use those to your advantage.” 

 

After Joshua had recited all of those motivational words to him without really giving him much of a warning first, Junhui felt himself grow kind of speechless just from the impact alone. He was left staring up at the ceiling, his eyes searching over the blankness as he let each and every one of Joshua’s words of advice start to sink on. Originally he was intending to complain a little bit about his lack of progress just to destress. He definitely didn’t expect to get an answer that would seemingly cease all of his worries for the time being, and not only that, but words that give him more motivation to continue on? Joshua was a genius. 

 

“That’s just what I needed right now and I actually love you with my whole heart.” Junhui says very seriously, but Joshua just thinks he’s joking and ends up laughing a bit before he turns back to his own studying. He’ll probably never know how serious Junhui is about these words.

 

Either way, Junhui’s on a mission. Now he’s out to find all of his individual talents that he has yet to focus on rather than singing. Minghao helps him set up a series of social media accounts where he wears rather ridiculous looking high fashion clothes in order to build some sort of modeling presence. He’s got a pretty above average looking face so he can still pull it off. He also has the charisma to make people generally enjoy his presence instantly, so he makes fast friends with some of the theatre students and ends up bouncing lines back and forth with them to practice his acting. After some pressing from Joshua, he’s introduced to Soonyoung during one of his dance practice sessions and tries to follow along as he trains the other musical students. He’s also ends up meeting Jihoon, who agrees to let him record some song covers in the studio to add to his future portfolio of works. And despite trying to be well rounded in his list of talents, he often finds himself working along with Jeonghan and Joshua to perfect his singing a bit more. 

 

Training doesn’t come easy at all. It’s hard to keep going when your own body feels like it’s going to give out any day now, and the pressure from not moving closer to your dream is even more mentally crippling. But Junhui powers through it all. He never gives up. It’s almost like he can feel something amazing just out of reach, but the sensation is even more thrilling to know that it’s about to be right on the tips of his fingers.  

 

Junhui continues on this path of fully rounding out his talents for quite awhile. Maybe he doesn’t notice the changes happening within himself, but surely he’s become more disciplined and dedicated to this lifestyle over the past three years of living in Korea. There’s never a moment where he’s felt like his training was about to be over though. He was just so persistent to always improve himself that maybe he never realized that he was actually good enough. 

 

Soonyoung drags him out to an audition one day. He doesn’t say what it’s for, or exactly where they’re going but Junhui agrees to come along to watch. Soonyoung has practically become his mentor in dance ever since they met, so there’s a part of him that wonders if he’ll learn something new from observing the other male’s audition today. 

 

He had no plans to audition for himself, but Soonyoung sneakily submits an application under his name anyways and even throws in a copy of his headshots before he can even be stopped. Soonyoung is evil for doing this but also perhaps an angel with slightly chaotic intentions. They audition as a duo and perform the same routine they’ve been practicing for months together and for some reason, Junhui doesn’t exactly feel too nervous at all. As much as this was thrown onto him, he trusts Soonyoung well enough to help them get through this audition together. 

 

But then they get called into the second round of private auditions and Junhui still doesn’t even remember feeling nervous at all. He’s been practically planning his whole life around this moment so of course he knew he was going to ace it. So he uses his whole arsenal of talents to get the judges warming up to him, and eventually they continue to ask him to try out different styles of songs or more traditional dances, or even monologues, or funny variety show skills. He’s already prepared everything so he doesn’t falter for even a second. Junhui leaves the judges completely interested and smiling at the end of the audition and it finally feels like all his hard work is starting to pay off.  

 

There’s a bit of time that passes in between the audition and the end of the semester that leads into summer vacation. Nothing too interesting happens as Junhui finishes up all his classes and prepares studying for exams, keeping up with all of his jobs, as well as packing up all his belongings from the dorm and moving them into Minghao’s apartment. It’s just a rush of busy days that all seemed to blend together until a full month had passed by. He’s almost completely forgot about the audition because of how busy life gets after a big move. 

 

While eating dinner with his new roommate one night, he frowns to himself as an unlisted number calls his phone and interrupts him from his meal. He’s in a little bit of a bad mood because he assumes it’s some bill collector or someone trying to sell him something but he answers anyways. Junhui stared at his screen and just felt like this was going to be something important.

 

_ “Is this Wen Junhui? This is Pledis Entertainment and we’d like to inform you that after viewing your audition tapes and portfolio, we’d like to offer you a space in our eight-week summer training program.”  _

 

It’s the company. The one from his audition. And Junhui almost chokes on the food in his mouth. 

 

“Yes, this is Junhui.” He confirms quickly before clearing his throat away from the phone and attempts to put on his most professional, and non-accented voice. “I would love to take part in the program. What forms are necessary to fill out before getting accepted?” 

 

_ “There will be some legal confidentiality papers, along with insurance forms and a few other registration documents. Once everything is filled out, in addition to the fee of $1,200, you will be accepted into our trainee program.”  _

 

That’s when Junhui’s growing smile instantly falters. Of course there would be a fee. Of course he couldn’t get a free ride just based on his talent alone. Those types of opportunities were only reserved for people like Seokmin or Seungkwan, in which companies would practically scout them off the street just because of their unique voices. 

 

He knows he can’t afford it anyways. His bank accounts are barely stable as it is, and he’s not in good enough credit standing to even borrow money. Plus he’s absolutely sure that he’d go even more into debt just by quitting all of his jobs to become a trainee. He feels sick to his stomach because deep down, it just seems like there’s no way this is going to work.

 

Junhui’s about to politely decline, but something in his heart just doesn’t let him. He’s never been one to just give up. Whether he has to sell all his possessions all over again, or work himself to death before the deadline, or even do something as sell his body or beg to his parents just this one time, maybe it will all be worth it in the end after suffering just a little more for this dream. 

 

He schedules a meeting at the company’s office in two weeks. Perhaps that will be enough time to come up with the money. And if not, he’s just going to be a no-show instead of facing the shame of telling the company he can’t afford it. 

 

As he hangs up the phone and lets out a shaky sigh, he’s sure that he’s almost about to cry now. He just feels so tired and exhausted for chasing this for his whole life, and now that the opportunity is finally here, he can’t even be happy about it because he’s not even sure if he has the money to participate. It’s the most frustrating feeling in the whole world, to know that he’s practically holding this opportunity right in his hand and he’s forcefully going to have to let it go over something like money. 

 

Minghao blinks at him curiously a few times as he finishes chewing at sets his chopsticks back down on the table. “What’s wrong? Who was that?” 

 

“It’s nothing, Hao. Just forget about it.” Junhui says quite defeatedly as he rises from his seat. He’s not feeling too hungry anymore, especially with his rising stress levels about how he’s going to try and make this work by living with almost nothing next month. Instead of wasting time with eating, he’d rather start sorting through all of his bank statements and credit cards before he worries about the deadline coming even closer. 

 

Minghao gives him the space he needs to cool off. It’s like he only waits to come into Junhui’s room because he wanted to finish his own dinner first, but that’s still enough time for the elder to calm down somewhat. Junhui has himself surrounded by a countless sea of financial papers when he finally comes in to check on him. 

 

“Was that some debt collector who called you?” Minghao asks by the doorway momentarily, and doesn’t even ask before inviting himself into the room. He’s curious to see what Junhui’s getting so anxious over and he knows that the elder probably won’t tell him anyways, so he just goes to see for himself. 

 

“Not exactly.” Junhui doesn’t bother to look up at him as he heaves a sigh out. “I need money to start training at a company and I’m trying to figure out how to make it work with this month’s expenses.” 

 

Minghao is too kind. Junhui really knows that and that’s why he doesn’t even want to tell him how much money he needs. Yet when Minghao delicately moves a few of the papers aside to take a seat down into bed next to him, Junhui automatically feels his soul wanting to lean on the other for support. His head plops down onto Minghao’s slightly bony shoulder anyways. 

 

“I just don’t know how I’m going to do it this time, Hao.” He feels his voice starting to shake slightly as the words come out, fully admitting defeat to himself and this dream. “I never have much left in my savings after all the school fees and rent get taken out anyways. I can barely afford living expenses as it is. I already do all of these things so I can get closer to my dream finally coming true and now I have to pay to make it happen again? How desperate am I, really?” 

 

He shuts his eyes tightly to prevent himself from breaking down completely. It’s comforting to listen to Minghao’s soft breathing and press his face against the male’s shirt that smells too much like the familiarity of home. Although Minghao’s presence is a savior to him, something tells him inside that it’s going to take awhile to get over this one. He’s just  _ so _ close to making it happen this time. 

 

“Then for this month, I won’t make you pay for any rent or groceries.” The younger suggests too selflessly as his fingertips lightly squeeze into Junhui’s shoulder supportively. He can almost picture the soft smile on Minghao’s features, so devoted and open-handedly offering anything towards his dream like he always has. His kindness breaks Junhui’s heart in a way. He feels unworthy of deserving these things. 

 

“Hao, I really don’t feel comfortable doing that…” He only manages to whisper out before feeling his body furthermore being clutched against the younger’s side and soft lips brushing against his ear to whisper. 

 

“But you know I don’t mind. I never would care, even if you outright asked me. Even if you robbed me and took me for everything I had, none of that would even matter. I just want you to be happy, Wen Junhui. If I can do something so small as to pay a little towards your training, please just let me do that for you.” 

 

And with that, Junhui actually feels his heart break inside. He knows that Minghao loves him. Hell, he’s known that for a really long time now but he purposely tried to push those thoughts away in favor of focusing completely on chasing this dream. But Minghao’s words are so gentle and considerate towards him that he can’t ignore the overwhelming warmth spreading throughout his chest. He feels Minghao’s love towards him so strongly right now.

 

There’s been a lot of pushing Minghao away in the past. Even though he has all of the wealth and opportunities that Junhui could ever want, he’s always wanted to achieve his goals based on his own merit alone. He wanted to go through all of the struggling and grow through the process, not just take the easy path of using money to work his way into being an entertainer. Maybe that’s why he’s been pushing away Minghao this whole time. 

 

He feels the younger breathe a bit heavily against the side of his head, almost like he’s suppressing the urge to sigh out loud. Junhui still can’t look at him. “Listen… You’ve worked so hard over all of these years. It was exactly because of your dedication in training that you even received the offer to train under a company. There’s no one who can deny that you made it this far based on your own skill and that alone.” Minghao’s voice assures this to him, with all of the reassuring words that he needs to hear now but won’t ever manage to ask for. “You’re capable of everything you set your mind to, so I know that you would probably end up coming up with the money by any means necessary. But if you ask me, I would say that you’re long past deserving of a reward for making your dream come true. Just let me handle it this time. Take a short break from trying so hard all the time. You may not be all the way where you want to be, but this is huge, Junhui. You’re going to train under a company! Isn’t that everything you’ve been working towards this whole time?” 

 

Even though he was feeling so down only seconds ago, Junhui somewhat feels a smile starting to warm back over his features as he looks up at Minghao, who’s completely enamoured and staring him like he’s the brightest star in the whole god damn sky. The urge to cry is still very present, but this time the tears stinging against his eyes aren’t hot and filled with angry frustration. They’re now filled with relief. He doesn’t even notice when a few of the droplets fall past his lashes and start to cascade down his cheeks until there’s soft fingertips to daintily blot all the little drops away. 

 

“Thank you…” Junhui finds himself a bit at a loss of words, although his heart already knows what it wants to convey. He  _ has  _ made it this far. Maybe he does deserve a little rest every once in awhile. He has people in his life that are truly proud of him. That should be enough to focus on for now. “Thank you for always watching over me since the beginning. Maybe I should have noticed more all along the way…” He feels Minghao’s gaze watching him a bit too intently, and he can only avert his eyes away before he starts getting a little too nervous from the way heat surges through his chest and straight to his cheeks. 

 

He knows all too well what is about to happen next. Minghao’s been doing this far too often lately, to the point where it’s starting to get predictable. 

 

Minghao’s lips are faint and soft on his own for merely a second or two, but nothing but completely pleasant and it’s all the gentleness that Junhui needs right now. 

 

“Just let me do it for you. This one time. We can even make it a loan.” Minghao offers to to him as his fingers gently brush over his cheek before settling there, simply just wanting to stay close for a few moments more. As Jun finds himself looking away quite flusteredly again, the younger chuckles under his breath in a way that’s probably one of Junhui’s favorite sounds in the whole world. “It can be your birthday present, and your christmas present, and your new year's gift, and we can even count all of the holidays on the calendar if you need anymore reasons to accept.” 

 

Junhui has to take a minute before letting out another long sigh. This time he’s not troubled or stressed. He just has to convince himself that it’s okay to take a break everyone once in awhile. He doesn’t have to be so stubborn and hold himself to such a high standard all of the time. And maybe this time, he can start relying on the people who support him a little more. That especially means that he has to stop pushing away Minghao, who’s only been trying to support him to the best of his ability this whole time. 

 

Even though he sighs, he finds himself laughing softly at Minghao’s rather interesting offer as his head dips backwards to find comfort on his shoulder all over again. His heart feels so light now. It’s a feeling that he never wants to let go ever again. “Maybe I will have to accept your offer then… if we can change the terms to include me paying you back in some way.” 

 

“That’s fine and all, but you really don’t have to… I mean, I’m just happy you finally agreed to move in with me so I’m going to be content about that for a while to come. This was like my dream come true, you know?” 

 

Junhui knows that he’s being completely honest and the pinkness that tickles against Minghao’s cheeks after confessing is enough evidence alone to prove that. As much as that’s reassuring to know, he still shakes his head back and forth. It’s still not enough. 

 

“You know I’m stubborn. I have to figure out how to pay you back for the principle of doing so alone. That’s just the way I am.” When he decides this, Minghao frowns in a way that is more like a pout but there’s nothing Junhui is going to do to change his mind. If anything, he’s already working on ways that he can pay Minghao back for. He’s got a lot of love that he’s received over these years and maybe it’s just about time that he starts returning some. 

 

When Minghao opens his lips to insist that any sort of payback really isn’t needed, Junhui just turns to him with a knowing smile. 

 

“Do you know why I’ve never asked you for any money over all these years?” 

 

Minghao just cluelessly shakes his head. “Because you’re stubborn? You just said so.” 

 

“No, it’s because you were all I needed to make it this far.” 

 

Minghao blinks a him a few times, clearly not getting it. So Junhui clutches him by the cheeks and gives him their first reciprocated kiss. Almostly dumbfoundedly, Minghao’s eyes widen to be double their usual size. 

 

“You’re an idiot, but I’ve always loved you too.” 

 

Junhui’s still got a ways to go. He’s not exactly where he wants to be in his elaborately planned final scheme of things, but this is the road that’s going to lead him there. He might be too headstrong at times, and gets too lost in his work that he sometimes forgets to take care of himself, but now he’s going to depend a little bit more on someone else for a change. Perhaps a small change in his strategy will bring him closer to the dream he’s been endlessly longing towards. 

 

/ / Soonyoung

 

For Soonyoung, he can’t remember a time when dancing didn’t give him everything he needed. 

 

Dancing was always the cure to any problem that came and went. When he was bored, he would dance. Having a great day? He’d feel even more happy with dance. If he was worried? He’d shake out all of his nerves throughout dance. Stressed? Let it all out with dance. It pretty much worked with every emotion in the book. Whether he was sad, mad, happy, or anything else in between, then the most logical answer would be to put on some good music and dance. 

 

It started when he was a young student in middle school, the type of student that was always a little too loud and excited for no reason at all really. He was just a genuinely happy kid and nothing could get him down. He’d often get in trouble for being too bubbly and talkative with his other classmates since he was friendly with just about anybody. His natural behavior led to him getting sent to after school detention at least twice a week, so eventually with much pushing from his teachers, his parents practically forced him to try out for several sports in order to somehow burn off some of that extra energy. 

 

He tried Taekwondo for awhile. It was fine and all, but it wasn’t competitive enough for someone as energetic as him. There were too many rules and regulations to follow and he grew bored of it shortly after joining. His next idea was to try out soccer, which was definitely more fun with all of the running and kicking but his place on the team didn’t last for long either. Sometimes he got a bit too involved in games and accidentally end up kicking the other team’s legs a bit too hard in his wild frenzy to make a goal. This lead to him being benched one too many times by his coach, who eventually recommended him to join the football team instead since he liked to play rough. Soonyoung only lasted one practice in that stupid blocky uniform before he decided he didn’t exactly like to be tackled by guys who probably weighed twice as much as him. It was a liability to stick around so he decided to try something a little less dangerous.

 

Like Chess Club. 

 

If he couldn’t get out all of his physical energy, maybe he could get out some of his mental instead. 

 

Except on his way to find the location of the chess club, he had gotten a bit lost and found himself lurking around a completely different section of the school he never really paid attention to before. The sound of loud music coming from the school’s auditorium somewhat caught his attention, and the excited yelling and cheering from behind the doors only fully hooked him. For some reason, he just had to see what was behind those doors and eventually just decided to let his head peak through to sneakily look. 

 

It all seemed like one big party. All of the students were freely singing and dancing around to the loud music that blasted through the speakers while working on what looked like props to be assembled for some play. Completely unsupervised and uncontrolled by any of the school’s stuffy teachers, these kids looked like they were having the time of their life in this club. It only took a few more seconds to pass before Soonyoung literally watched some guy slide across the stage in a headstand and he wanted in. Like right now. 

 

So that’s what got Soonyoung to join his middle school’s drama club instead of playing sports along with his friends. Yeah, they teased him a lot at first and called him some pretty stupid names, but he didn’t feel embarassed for liking it at all. Soonyoung just felt so good making up little dances with the rest of his classmates to perform in plays, and eventually he found himself gathering a small group of drama students to join him in his very own dance club in the school. As he continued to fall in love with dancing, he eventually worked his way up in the system of seniority in his group and even found himself as the drama club’s president in his last two years of high school. Dancing meant everything to Soonyoung and it was like he had finally found his calling. This was what he really enjoyed most. 

 

Attending Mugunghwa University as a theatre student only made him feel that he was certainly on the right path towards what he wanted. Not only had he met his best friends, Seokmin and Seungkwan in the same program, but he was also working his way up the ladder of success here as well. His friendly demeanor made the other students like him, and his level of skill in dancing made them respect him as well. It was only a matter of time before people started following his suggestions towards creative ideas and sort of turned him into their unofficial leader in choreography. By about his second year in university, their theatre professor practically always assigned him to teach everyone the new dance steps when it came to their upcoming stage productions. Not only could he do what he loved, but he could get paid to be a dance tutor? Soonyoung’s life was practically perfect as it was. 

 

If you asked Soonyoung, he’d say that he has pretty much everything that he’d ever need. He’s got a great school life, with a lot of friends and success in his dancing, as well as decent grades and a promising future held over his head if he keeps it up. He makes some money by tutoring dance, as well as a pretty normal family life and relatively no struggles towards living with ease. Overall, he’s confident in his abilities and he really likes himself as a person. There’s really nothing missing from his life. 

 

Well, that’s what he thought. 

 

Soonyoung really couldn’t decide when he was starting to feel like he was missing something, but if he had to choose one moment that he was sure about, there’s definitely a certain moment that hit him hard. It was after their final production of the school’s spring musical. After every theatre production with any group of students, there’s an overwhelming feeling of completion that feels rather bittersweet. Sure, everyone’s proud of their performances and the fact that all of the stress is finally over feels pretty great, but there’s still a bit of sadness at the end. Next semester will have a different cast, new talents will arise while some fade into the back, a completely different soundtrack will play along to the new memories they make on set. Theatre is a never ending competition but the bonds that form over a particular cast are always irreplaceable. 

 

Soonyoung is always so aware of the fragility of moments. Maybe he’s too sensitive or emotional in general, but maybe that’s also why he’s also so expressive in dance after all. Either way, Soonyoung’s eyes always wander among the crowd at the end of each and every final musical. He likes to see his friends interacting so happily with their families, with all of the happy and regretful tears that come after all the nerves are gone, as well as those students who are just all smiles and laughter and completely lost in their bliss to observe the fleetingness of things. 

 

His best friend Seokmin is one of the latter. 

 

“We did it again! Three sold out shows!” As Seokmin approaches him with a smile that is nothing short than a complete beam and Soonyoung only laughs a bit under his breath as he allows himself to be fully squashed by his friend’s tight embrace. “I swear to god Soon, I saw a few camera flashes during your lead dance number. You’re getting scouted tonight and I can just feel it!” 

 

“I wouldn’t dare to get scouted tonight when you’re the lead of the whole entire musical. How horrible of a friend would I be if I tried to steal the attention away?” He responds back a bit playfully and it’s all worth it when Seokmin manages to smiles even more and swats at his shoulder bashfully. Being able to make his best friend so happy by just a few simple words make Soonyoung’s eyes crinkle up as well, but he clears his throat a bit and continues on. Hey, did you say goodbye to your family yet? I think we should head to the cast party in a few minutes.” 

 

“Yeah, but I think we’re going to have to wait for the other little star of this musical to finish up first.” 

 

He follows Seokmin’s teasing words and grin across the crowd and over to a little corner where their other best friend is currently looking very lovestruck with his boyfriend. Seungkwan has a whole bouquet of flowers that are definitely much bigger than anyone else in the whole auditorium has and he’s beaming up at Vernon to the point where his cheeks look like they could burst any second. It’s horribly romantic and Soonyoung just has to roll his eyes. 

 

“They’re literally so cute together that I want to die.” 

 

“I mean, have you even seen Seungkwan look at either one of us like that? Scratch that- have you ever seen Seungkwan look at  _ anyone _ like that?” Seokmin corrected himself as he placed his hand over his heart. “He’s so happy that it actually makes my heart warm and I feel like I’m about to burst into tears just looking at them.” 

 

“You actually sound like his mom or something, but I get you. I really do.” Soonyoung agreed with him as he placed his hand on his shoulder, now leaning his weight on him. “Hey, you think they already love each other yet?” 

 

Seokmin looked at him quite dramatically and rolled his own eyes. “That’s the understatement of the century. Of course they love each other. Have you ever seen Vernon just look at him?  How he just goes and admires him so openly? Half the time Seungkwan doesn’t even notice but _ I _ do and it leaves me feeling some kind of way, and that way is lonely. Very lonely.” 

 

Soonyoung just finds himself laughing at this as he shakes his head from side to side. “Yeah, I’ve seen exactly what you’re talking about. It doesn’t make me feel lonely though. I feel really happy for Seungkwan because hell- if anyone deserves nothing but love, then that person is Seungkwan.” 

 

“Do you think they said it to each other already? That they love each other, I mean.” Seokmin questions suddenly, which causes Soonyoung to look over at him rather curiously. “I think that’s what’s really the nicest part about finding someone like Seungkwan found in Vernon. Just to have someone who loves you so unconditionally that nothing you could ever do would make them want to be away from you. Well- with the exception of committing a murder or something horrible like that.” 

 

“You have friends though. Friends can do the same thing. You know, just to always support you and be there for you without any conditions.” Soonyoung insists with a small nudge to Seokmin’s side. “You’re lucky that you have so many friends who love you like crazy too. I don’t even get how you can say you’re lonely when you have me and Seungkwan always screaming in the background wherever you go.

 

Seokmin just smiles in a way that’s rather peculiar. Soonyoung’s never seen this smile from him before but doesn’t bother to question about it because Seokmin is quick to shake his head and let out a small laugh under his breath. 

 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right… ” 

 

Soonyoung wasn’t though. Maybe it took him a little while later to realize it, but Seokmin definitely had a point here. His friends meant nearly the world to him, but sometimes he still needed a bit more of something he didn’t know about yet. 

 

. . . . . 

  
  


Friday night sleepovers have usually become a ritual for the trio. No matter how busy their weeks got, Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Soonyoung always promised to save friday night to spend time together, whether that just be catching up on work in the dorm, or actually going out on the town and doing things. It’s been only a few weeks since the musical finished up and there’s endless amounts of reading and studying to catch up on, so recently they’ve just been hanging around lazily in the SoonSeok dorm instead of their usual wild adventures. 

 

They’re blasting some of their favorite pop songs as all three of them huddle around the bathroom sink in the tiny bathroom. Currently, Soonyoung has his hair freshly dyed to light orange tone that he’d been wanting to try as soon as their musical finished up. Seungkwan himself is trying something a little new this time as well, in which Soonyoung and Seokmin are trying their hardest to lightly tint his blond hair with a faint pink color instead of accidentally leaving him with some neon mess. Seokmin is much less bold with working with hair dye so Soonyoung is the one doing most of the work, while the latter practices singing along to some Shinee. 

 

“You’re going to look so good with pink.” Soonyoung smiles down at his friend as he finds himself finished with tinting his locks all over. “I thought red suited you well enough but pink is even better.” 

 

“Our Seungkwannie’s best color is definitely pink!” Seokmin joined him in cooing at the youngest of the trio, even going to the point to reach out and pinch at one of his cheeks affectionately. “I thought I already don’t see you enough because of Vernon, but now he’s really going to wanna steal you away and keep you all to himself. You’re just too damn cute, Boo.” 

 

Seungkwan tries to scrunch up his face in mock disgust at Seokmin’s pinching and patting of his cheek but he fails at this and finds himself smiling quite pleased at all the nice attention. “Hey, what are you talking about~” He responds back a little shyly as he pushes the hand off his cheek. “Me being taken away by Vernon? You haven’t been around so much either, huh Seokminnie? I see that someone is spending a little time with their female co-star even after the musical is over…” 

 

Hearing the teasing being turned against their other friend brought a mischievous grin onto Soonyoung’s face as well. “I’ve seen the two of you together quite a lot too. Like this afternoon you were eating together in the cafeteria and even went to the library together after that. Seems like someone’s gotten a little too close with the female lead!” 

 

As he waggles his eyebrows in his friend’s direction, Seokmin is quick to shake his head and assure them that they’re not getting onto anything interesting. “Hey, it’s not like that! We just happened to run into each other after buying food so it made sense to sit together. Then I was going to the library and she was going there too so we just ended up going together.” 

 

Seungkwan rolled his eyes at his dismissal. “Then what explains the fact that I literally saw you texting her like ten minutes ago?” 

 

“A crush!” Soonyoung decides to shout out in an attempt to embarrass his friend. “That’s what explains it!” 

 

“Um, the fact that we’re friends? I mean, doesn’t it make sense after spending every day in rehearsal together that we’d still keep touch after the production is over?” Seokmin tries to reason with them but he’s only met with two mocking smiles in his direction, which causes him to sigh and pull out his phone for evidence. “You can read the texts. We literally only talk about school shit, which unfortunately means that you’re not going to find any romance blossoming between us. 

 

Soonyoung and Seungkwan are quick to seize the phone from him and read through the whole list of text messages that occurred between Seokmin and his pretty and talented co-star. It would be like a dream come true for the male lead and the female lead to fall in love after the play but unfortunately, Seokmin is right. There’s no way that they could even string together these boring texts to make some kind of dramatic story unfold between the two of them.

 

Upon seeing his friend’s excited grins slowly fade to more unimpressed and boring expressions, Seokmin only let out a laugh as he shook his head. “Sorry for the lack of anything scandalous in my messages but that’s only because there’s really nothing going on between us. She’s nice and all… but that’s pretty much it. There’s nothing special happening in secret.”

 

“That’s no fun at all.” Seungkwan frowns a bit as he passes the phone back to Seokmin after searching thoroughly enough. “I just can’t wait until you guys get significant others too. Then we can go out on triple dates and tell funny stories about our dating lives and give each other advice about relationships. I mean, dating Vernon is perfect and all, but it could be so much more fun if we’re all out and dating at the same time.” 

 

As Seungkwan talks, his tone is kind of wistful as he reveals all of his inner thoughts and wishes for the three of them. Soonyoung watches him intently as he speaks with nothing short of dreams dancing within his dark brown eyes, practically glistening and gleaming as he conveys everything. Seokmin seems to agree with him by the way his smile reaches his eyes, with nothing but complete tenderness on his expression as he nods in response. 

 

Soonyoung knows that there’s definitely something important about this moment for the two of them, but he doesn’t exactly get what’s so meaningful behind it. 

 

“Why does it matter if we all start dating or not?” Soonyoung finds himself questioning out curiously before he can stop himself. “If anything, doesn’t that mean we’re going to grow further apart from each other than we already have? We’ve already barely seen each other as it is this week.” 

 

His friends are somewhat silent as they listen to him, and that makes Soonyoung only push to explain himself further. He misses the way that their smiles start to fall. 

 

“I mean, I’m not saying there’s anything bad about all of us getting significant others. I want you guys to be happy and all, but ever since the musical ended I’ve only seen you two for a few hours over these past two weeks.” Soonyoung admits as he glances down at the sink, distracting himself by moving to throw away some of their hair coloring products as he speaks. “Seungkwan is always with Vernon. Seokmin, every time I’ve run into you on campus you’re always with that girl or with those other theatre girls that try to get close to you. Pretty soon, I’m just going to end up like some third-wheel watching from the sidelines.” 

 

“It’s not like that, Soon.” Seungkwan insists quickly with the shake of his head. “I have been spending a lot of time together with Hansol but that’s because I’ve been so busy with practice for so long that I was trying to make up for some lost time. He needs attention too, you know, and of course I want to spend time with my boyfriend now that my schedule is more open. That doesn’t mean I’m leaving you guys to spend time with him instead. It’s just that I’ve been with you two every day at musical practice for the last month and I want to make some time for him too.”  

 

Soonyoung feels bad for speaking up and revealing his own true thoughts about the subject. In order not to be misunderstood anymore, he’s quick to speak again to try and make things clearer. “I’m not saying that you’re spending too much time with Vernon. I’m just saying that it will feel pretty shitty when Seokmin starts dating someone someday and I’m left all alone. Or if I start dating first and Seokmin is left all alone and just waiting for his person to come along. That’s why I’m not in some rush to get into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship and going on double dates and shit.” 

 

“Hey, it’s not going to be like that.” Seokmin insisted firmly as he placed a gentle hand on Soonyoung’s shoulder. In this moment, Soonyoung only realized now that he was getting a bit worked up about things, but that hand immediately made his tensed shoulders ease down more. “This type of thing happens between best friends all the time. Someone starts dating someone new and the remaining members of the group start to feel a little left out or pushed to the side. But aren’t we better than that? Can’t we get through something as minimal as feeling a little possessive over one of our friend's time? We’re the BooSoonSeok trio! A little dating won’t be enough to pull our bond apart.” 

 

As Seokmin starts massaging at his shoulder slightly, Soonyoung feels a sigh pushing past his lips. He’s going to drop the subject. He doesn’t even know why he’s making a big deal about trying to prevent the three of them from drifting away because he doesn’t even feel jealous about Seungkwan dating Vernon in the first place.  It’s like he doesn’t even know what he’s even trying to make a point about anyways.

 

“Yeah… I guess you’re right.” Soonyoung admits with a few small nods as he glances over at Seungkwan. “I didn’t mean to accuse you of spending more time with Vernon instead of us but my words kind of came out that way. And I completely understand your reasons. I was just… worried that eventually one of us is going to start to feel left out, maybe because I always thought it was going to be me in the end… Either way, I’m sorry.” 

 

Seungkwan pouts a bit but he’s quick to open his arms from where he’s sitting on the bathroom sink to pull Soonyoung in for a tight hug. “No, you don’t have to say sorry- I know you didn’t mean it like that.” He speaks to him in a soft and low voice that makes Soonyoung feel almost like a little kid at this moment. Their maknae is far surpassing him in levels of maturity right now. “You’re going to find your person someday too, Soon. I know it feels anxious because you don’t know when or where it’s going to finally happen, but of course it’s going to happen someday. You’re so talented and funny, with enough endless charm to make someone smile as soon as they lock eyes with you. You’re so important, Soon and I can’t wait for someone to love you as much as we do and even more.” 

 

Soonyoung’s arms move to hug around his best friend, and Seokmin is there to brush his fingers through his newly dyed orange locks attentively. As he buries his face in Seungkwan’s warm and safe shoulder, he feels like his eyes are ready to water for some reason that he doesn’t know the real meaning behind. The touching words of praise are enough to get his mind off the fact that their trio is starting to feel more like a duo lately, but that can’t fully shake away the feeling that something is indeed missing from Soonyoung’s life.  

 

They move away from this distraction quickly. A song comes on the playlist that makes Seokmin immediately pull away and start doing some foolish dance, in which Seungkwan bursts out in laughter as and even Soonyoung starts laughing a bit under his breath as his lips twitch back into his signature smile. They seemingly forget about the topic completely as their activities throughout the night start to change between screaming along to music, nearly getting sick after pigging out over snacks, and then settling down with the latest drama underneath a blanket fort constructed between the two beds. 

 

After eventually falling asleep under there with the three of them tangled in a mess of blankets on the floor, Soonyoung is awaken the next morning by Seungkwan packing up his things much before their usual noon wakeup time. They already knew that he’d be slipping out early because he had planned an early morning breakfast date with Vernon, one that involved going to some special location to watch the sunrise together. Seungkwan had planned it himself and discussed the details with all of them in anticipation all week, so of course they knew he’d be leaving early. Yet for some reason, Soonyoung still felt a little bit upset that their friend was leaving after having that conversation last night. 

 

As much as they wanted to deny it, their relationship that their trio had was starting to change. It was only now that Soonyoung really started to feel it personally though.

 

He pretends to be asleep for as long as it takes for Seungkwan to leave, and even a few moments afterwards until he finally lets his eyes slide open. He’s met with Seokmin’s sleeping form next to him, with the younger’s expression completely lost in sleep and undisturbed by the sounds of their friend leaving. Soonyoung just watches him for a moment. He takes in the way the male’s eyelashes look much longer than he normally realizes like this, with his lips parted slightly in complete relaxation and his breathing is soft and melodic in a way that only eases Soonyoung’s anxieties about being left alone and far away from the people he loves most someday. 

 

As his fingers move on their own will to trail over the male’s tawny skin that he’s always admired, he wishes that at least Seokmin will stay the same. Always and forever his best friend. With nothing to ever tear them apart from now and to the end. Most of all, he just wants to be the most important person to somebody, and have that same person to call as his own special person as well. Seokmin has always been that person for him, but it’s only a matter of time before he moves on and finds someone else. 

 

Then memories of their attempt at falling for each other back in freshman year floods Soonyoung’s mind suddenly. They thought they were too close with each other to be just stay as friends, so they tried to force themselves into something by making out with each other on a very drunken night three years ago. Of course when morning came around, they could only look at each other and laugh about what happened because they were stretching too much to make something out of nothing happen. Naturally, nothing ever happened between them ever again after that. 

 

But now, Soonyoung’s starting to have second thoughts about Seokmin. 

 

He was never so controlling over trying to get Seungkwan to spend more time with them after Vernon came into the picture. If anything, he’s genuinely happy that he was able to meet someone who can bring him even more happiness than they ever could. But for some reason, the thought of Seokmin ending up with someone else and drifting away seems like it would break his heart completely. 

 

Soonyoung doesn’t know why he doesn’t want Seokmin to be so enamoured by someone else. He decides that he’s only lonely. That must be why he’s getting so upset about the possibilities. 

 

Either way, he nuzzles himself into Seokmin’s side and cuddles up to him in the most comforting way in order to forget about everything. Even in his sleep, Seokmin is there to wrap a supportive arm around his waist and bring him closer. 

 

. . . . . 

 

He makes a habit of distracting himself with countless hours of dance practice in order to get his mind of things. When his thoughts hurt too much, he purposely knows how to get into a trance with the music and work his body to it’s limit in order to get all of his stress and tensions out. It works for awhile, and he doesn’t think too much about his friends wanting to leave him for significant others or anyone else for that matter. He doesn’t think about it because he’s distanced himself first.

 

He spends the time alone in one of the dance studios on campus or out on auditions in the city. Lately he’s had dreams of being a background dancer on the weekly music shows that appear on tv, so at least he’s got some goal to work towards as he distances himself. Soonyoung’s the type to fully immerse himself in his work when his real life isn’t going too well. Instead of letting his feelings get hurt first, he’ll pull away before that can happen. He can use the excuse of exams coming up or auditions to explain why nobody seems to realize him disappearing. 

 

Soonyoung doesn’t like his thoughts. He doesn’t like that he feels like he has to keep the three of them to tightly knit when people are always destined to keep changing. He blames himself for being too sensitive and expressive with his emotions for wanting things to always be the same. 

 

He tries to get over it by focusing on his dance, and for the most part, that works. It’s until they’re at the end of the semester party and sending their friends off to graduation that things slowly start to fall apart. It wasn’t a good day for Soonyoung. Watching the seniors graduate only made him reflect about what it would be like for his own best friends to graduate as well, and then surely things would be over for good between them. He’d certainly be by himself after that, with Seokmin and Seungkwan going their separate ways to pursue singing while he was still in dance. 

 

So he drank way too much too soon into the night to numb himself. The party had barely even started before he was staggering a bit and he unable to really feel his legs. But then Seokmin dragged him onto the dance floor once their heard one of their favorite songs and he couldn’t really resist his body from moving along to the beat. When Seokmin was in the picture, Soonyoung couldn’t stop his laugher from spilling past his lips. The other male was practically his happy pill. Playing along with Seokmin made the night feel even more like a blur and they completely lost track of time with dancing. 

 

He was so excited, with his heartbeat racing fast from Seokmin spinning him around and dancing all over the place that he didn’t even realize when reality was starting to creep up on him all over again. Dokyeom’s new female friend had arrived at the party. Soonyoung watched as she started approaching out of the corner of his eye. Before Seokmin could even notice, he pulled him aside and against the wall and tears started flowing from his eyes before he could even stop it. 

 

Repressing his emotions so intensely before only meant that they’d come flowing out so unrestrainedly now. 

 

It was embarrassing that he was practically bawling his eyes out but he didn’t even care. He was long past drunk. He was insecure. And most certainly, he wanted to be with Seokmin today and no one else could take that away from him. Not even some pretty and talented girl who was practically perfect for him and most likely going to end up dating him very soon. He just wanted Seokmin to have his undivided attention at least for a little longer before he ended up drifting away too. 

 

Seokmin was giving him all of his attention now, with his hands quickly moving to blot away all of his tears and strong arms around him to clutch him close and keep him feeling secure like this. Chan showed up eventually, and even Vernon and Seungkwan did as well. He doesn’t remember much after that. All he remembers is sobbing about why he didn’t want to be alone anymore and he just wanted someone to love him and never leave him in the most desperate of ways. He doesn’t remember the exact words but all he knows is that he’s damn lonely and Seokmin was right all along. 

 

His best friends practically started tearing up along with him after his confessions, in which all the weight was finally lifted off his chest. That meant that they understood all his worries. They weren’t going to judge him for this outburst. And finally he could just let things out. Maybe he was a coward for finally letting things out while he was drunk, but it felt so goddamn reassuring to finally admit that he didn’t feel okay and he needed a little more attention. 

 

Soonyoung is lonely. Dancing can’t even fix him this time. 

 

Seokmin offers something that he’s not sure of, but he takes the younger’s hand like a lifeline. He’s pulled away from the party and out of the mess that seems to be making everything worse. He doesn’t want to be surrounded by a mob of people having the times of their lives with their significant others while he’s single and all alone and no one wants to be with him like that. Call him bitter, but honestly he doesn’t even care. He’s lonely and he needs somebody to want him too.

 

Seokmin pulls him away to the nearest empty stairwell and makes sure to shut the door behind them securely before turning back to Soonyoung. He’s almost sure that his best friend has had a little too much to drink too, but there’s something resolute in Seokmin’s eyes as he sits him down and tries to examine his expression. “Soon, does this…. happen to be related to what we talked about with Seungkwan last time?” 

 

When Seokmin looks at him like this, it’s like he can see all the way through him, revealing all of the secrets and desires he has hidden in his heart. Soonyoung looks away as soon as the question is asked, and his eyes start to water again with somewhat shameful tears. “Yeah… fuck, I’m so insecure these days. I don’t even know why I started getting this way but...I really hate how sensitive I can get. “ 

 

Seokmin’s fingers are on his chin, using their feather-light grip to bring his gaze back in. “You don’t have to be embarrassed by that, Soon. It’s perfectly fine to admit that you’re lonely and want to be loved too. Hell, even I felt insecure sometimes when I watched Seungkwan go off so happily with Vernon. I wondered if it’s ever going to happen to me someday, or I’m moving too slow enough to miss out on my chance.” 

 

Soonyoung doesn’t know why he starts crying again but the tears start gushing out suddenly. “You  _ have _ your chance, Seokmin. You’re going to be the next one out of us, I just know it. That girl is practically waiting to see you in there and you might even end up going off with her and starting to like her tonight. Then I’ll really be alone after all, huh?” He asks out even more desperately before, to the point where even his lip is quivering now. “After that, you’ll end up leaving too and I’ll be by myself, just locked up in my practice room and trying to forget that I’m so goddamn lonely and missing out too.” 

 

Seokmin is quiet for a moment. Soonyoung can barely see much through his foggy eyes, but he vividly remembers the way that Seokmin’s jaw moves like he’s grinding his teeth together or clenching his mouth in some way. It’s a habit he does when he thinks too much or finds himself under pressure. He’s silent for too long that Soonyoung feels himself even closer to breaking down all over again. He didn’t say he  _ wasn’t _ going to meet that girl tonight. Maybe he had been lying to them last time when he said he didn’t have any interest in her. 

 

“Just please…” Soonyoung finds himself murmuring quietly as he presses his face into Seokmin’s shirt, leaning onto him with everything he had right now as he uses the material to soak up all of his tears and messy snot from crying so hard. “Even if you end up with someone else, don’t forget about me. I couldn’t deal with you leaving me. You’re too important for me to lose.” 

 

“Who am I with now?” 

 

Seokmin’s words are quiet, but Soonyoung is sure that he felt the vibrations from the male’s chest. He blinks a few times in confusion from the words as he pulls back to face his best friend. He doesn’t even care if his face is all puffy and his nose is running. “...W-what?” 

 

“I said,” Seokmin starts out again, a slow smile forming on his lips. “Who am I with now?” 

 

Soonyoung finds himself looking down a bit embarrassedly for some reason, like he’s too stupid or something for not getting it. “Well, you’re with me but-” 

 

“I’m with you.” Seokmin cuts him off before he can say anything else. “I’m with you right now.” 

 

Soonyoung opens his mouth to ask him what he’s trying to get at but Seokmin just laughs softly and lets his own head move to rest the elder’s shoulder instead this time. “I’m with you, Soonyoung.” He repeats to him assuredly as his head cuddles into his shoulder slightly. “If I wanted to be with anyone else tonight, I wouldn’t have run off with you to make sure you’re okay. I could have went and hooked up with any person I wanted to, or date anyone I wanted to, but I’m with you right now. If you don’t get what I mean by now, how else can I try to convey my feelings to you?” 

 

He can blame his inebriated state for not fully understanding what Seokmin is still trying to get at, but all he can register is that after blinking a few more times in confusion, there’s a pair of warm and pliant lips pushing against his own that immediately take his breath away. Seokmin is kissing him and his heart feels like it’s about to leap out of his chest this time. He feels something so strong that never existed back when they were freshmen and trying to make things work. 

 

It doesn’t last long, but Soonyoung never wants to go back to that time now that he’s got something as good as this. 

 

When Seokmin pulls away and smiles at him so tenderly, Soonyoung thinks he understands what he was trying to say before. Even though he understands it, that doesn’t stop the shock from finally realizing what Seokmin was trying to convey. It must look like he needs more convincing, so that’s what makes the younger move to take both of his hands within his own warmer ones and press two small kisses to the back of each of his hands.

 

“Soonyoung, I’m lonely too. But all this time, I was just lonely for you.” 

  
  


. . . . .

  
  


/ / Wonwoo 

 

For Wonwoo, accepting Mingyu into his life didn’t exactly come so easily. It’s more like a miracle that they even ended up together as a couple at all. 

 

Wonwoo is always going to remember the apprehension he felt when the younger was revealed to be his roommate. As soon as he went in for a polite bow of the head and even went to the extra gesture of offering a hand out for a shake, he instantly knew that this was going to be a nightmare as the freakishly taller male drew him into a tight hug after only knowing him for literally a minute. If that wasn’t the first sign of disaster, it would be when he struggled to get his heavy suitcase into their new room and ended up scratching the floor from dragging it so unskillfully. The third premonition that Wonwoo got was while they were unpacking their things and Mingyu blasted horrible music from his speakers at much too loud of a volume. Back then, Wonwoo was too polite to ask him to turn the volume down a little so he had to last three whole hours listening to endless bass and unintelligible curse words echoing off their tiny walls.

 

Mingyu simply did not seem to belong in their quaint little apartment. He certainly belonged in a fraternity with guys who acted just like him. Or maybe even the circus. 

 

Even after they spent the whole day unpacking their belongings together that consisted of awkward small talk and the younger asking most of the questions, it just got even worse as night fell. It was already hard enough to try to adjust to sleeping in the same room with another stranger. What made it even harder was the fact that Mingyu just wanted to talk his ear off. 

 

“So you want to become a scientist someday or something? That’s why you study biology, right?” 

 

The question made Wonwoo want to actually sigh out loud, but he kept his back turned to his much too talkative roommate. “No, Mingyu. I study biology because I like it and it interests me.”

 

“So what are you gonna do with that someday? Like what job are you gonna get?” 

 

“I’m not too sure yet, since I’m a freshman just like you. I also study chemistry so I might end up pursuing one or the other by the time senior year comes around.” 

 

“Oh.” Mingyu replies back once he’s gotten his answer. “Well, I’m undecided right now.” 

 

“That’s interesting.” 

 

“Yeah, totally!” Mingyu says with a bit of excitement in his voice. It’s almost as if he couldn’t tell that Wonwoo had actually replied completely uninterestedly and that was only doing so out of politeness alone. “Think of all the time I have to do extra activities! I can join a sports team, or learn new languages! Or even write some songs or pick up some stupid hobby like knitting or collecting stamps! It’s like there’s just a world of endless opportunities waiting for me.” 

 

“That’s great, Mingyu. I’m happy for you for having so much freedom.” 

 

“But what do you like, Wonwoo?” Mingyu found himself asking out next, and the sounds of shifting blankets and bodies sounded like he had turned on his side to face the elder. “What do you like to do for fun?” 

 

It was far too late at night for Wonwoo to keep answering all of these shallow questions. He knew that the younger was just asking so that they’d be able to get over this awkward stage as strangers sooner than later, but frankly he didn’t care too much right now. Working towards unpacking his stuff all day today had made him grow much more tired than usual, and he really wasn’t up for anymore polite formalities of getting to know each other. 

 

“I like my garden.” 

 

“Oh, the one on the balcony? That’s yours?” Mingyu’s voice sounds like it’s asking slightly in disbelief, and Wonwoo only lets out a tired hum instead of actually answering back. “That’s incredible, Wonwoo! I can’t believe you grew all of those yourself and actually brought them here with you.” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“Can you show me sometime?” 

 

“Sure, Mingyu…. Now can we sleep?” 

 

“Yeah, but that’s a promise, right? You’re really going to show me, right?” 

 

Wonwoo fails to recognize the pure excitement in the male’s voice under the excuse that he’s far too tired to even care anymore. He lets out another drowsy hum and hopes that they’ll grow too busy once school starts and he never has to actually give him a tour of the miniature garden. He knows that Mingyu has shown far too many signs of clumsiness today and he doesn’t want to risk any of his plants getting kicked off the balcony from some accident. 

 

But little does he realize, Mingyu is very intent on keeping this promise. 

 

The next morning, Wonwoo wakes up to find that his new roommate isn’t in the bedroom anymore. It gives him enough time to comfortably wake up and enjoy some of the morning sunlight before having to get up and prepare to head to campus to fill out more enrollment paperwork. Eventually he throws on a baggy sweater and some jeans and makes his way into the kitchen to grab his watering pitcher. He’s got a pretty dedicated routine of checking up on his plants as soon as he wakes up. 

 

As he rounds the corner, he’s a bit surprised to see his roommate currently making up a huge serving of breakfast foods on nearly every burner of the stove. Even though Wonwoo is not a morning person and usually skips breakfast, the delicious smell catches his attention as he makes his way to the sink beside him. 

 

“Good morning, Wonwoo!” Mingyu greets him with a cheerful smile that Wonwoo can only respond by slightly turning the corners of his mouth up at. It’s too early in the morning to be this expressive. “Are you hungry yet? I’m making kimchi fried rice with eggs, and there’s also some bacon if you like more western style things. Oh, and there’s some french toast too!” 

 

“Thanks, but no thanks.” Wonwoo smiles a bit from his kindness to offer but still declines. “I’m not a morning person.” 

 

It’s almost as if a lightbulb clicks in Mingyu’s head as his mouth opens for a second in thought before he nods slowly. The younger male is so open about everything he feels to the point where Wonwoo can practically read it on his face. “Ah, so that must mean you’re not the type to eat in the morning? I’ll make sure to set some aside for you to eat later then.” 

 

Wonwoo just bows his head a bit in thanks and takes his now filled pitcher of water out to the balcony, where he’s already decided that he’s going to spend a lot of time at. He likes the way the morning sunshine heats up the balcony enough for the tiles to become warm to sit on, and the way that the railings cast just enough shadow for him to do some reading or studying out here. Even though he just came out here to water his plants, he finds himself wanting to take a seat and stay for awhile. He can watch over the whole city from up here and get distracted by the way the towering buildings slowly fade into the distance and eventually meet the mountains that encompass all of Seoul. There’s almost something magical about the morning fog as well, and he finds himself getting a bit lost in his thoughts out here. 

 

The screen door connecting his little special place back to their noisy apartment opens up suddenly and he’s shaken away from his reverie almost immediately. It’s Mingyu again. Wonwoo tries really hard not to sigh as he watches the slightly too tall male try to take a seat down in the limited space beside him. Mingyu’s legs nearly get tangled together as he tries to sit down cross-legged, and everything about him seems to be kind of clumsy and uncontrollable with his body. He moves to set his plate of breakfast down carefully but still manages to drop a chopstick down with a horrible clatter. It’s annoying but still- Wonwoo can’t suppress the urge to laugh a little under his breath as he reaches over to pass it back over to him. Mingyu’s a disaster that’s kind of endearing at the same time. 

 

“Since you seem to like it so much out here, I wanted to check it out too.” Mingyu says as an explanation, as if Wonwoo was even going to ask in the first place. “It seems nice. Peaceful even.” 

 

Wonwoo’s a bit taken aback after hearing the words of “nice” and “peaceful” even leaving the other’s lips. Mingyu’s presence almost seems to be everything opposite of those words so far that it’s actually kind of ironic. 

 

“I like it.” Wonwoo says rather bluntly as his shoulders shrug up slightly. “I’ve only been here a day earlier than you but I had some fun setting up all of my plants out here. It looks like they’re going to get a lot more sunshine here in comparison to my old bedroom window, so I hope they’ll grow well.” 

 

“I’m ready for my tour anytime, by the way.” Mingyu speaks as he starts eating his food, rather shoveling it past his lips instead of actually eating properly though. Wonwoo almost forgets about what he’s talking about for a moment because he was so tired last night. 

 

“There’s not really much of a tour… I only have a few plants. Nothing special.” 

 

“Yeah, but what are they? What do they mean? Why are they important to you?” The younger rambles out all of his lingering questions at once, making Wonwoo look over a him a bit confusedly to why he’d be so interested in the first place. “I still think I have a lot to learn, Jeon Wonwoo. A tour is still necessary.” 

 

Wonwoo always thought Mingyu’s endless list of questions was going to get annoying, not to mention get annoying real quickly if last night was enough evidence for that. But for some reason, Wonwoo doesn’t seem to mind too much this time. Mingyu looks genuinely interested right now and it’s not like he’s going to be a jerk and ruin his fascination towards the subject just to make some point. 

 

Wonwoo tucks his legs upwards and hugs them against his chest as he gets comfortable. This explanation is going to be a long one, but it’s definitely not so much of a bother. Besides, if yesterday he thought that they were going to be complete opposites and a horrible match for roommates, maybe things will be a little easier from now on if they can both share a hobby. 

  
  


. . . . . 

 

As the weeks go on, Wonwoo slowly gets used to some of the things about Mingyu that originally left him with a bad impression. After mentioning that he didn’t like to be touched much, he visibly noticed the way the other would make sure to keep enough distance between the two of them if they were a little too close on the couch. He’d also scoot away on the balcony a bit more towards the wall in order to purposely make sure Wonwoo was comfortable in the cramped space. That meant there were no more hugs or shoulder pats or hair fluffs, but Wonwoo was generally a bit impressed that he would go to these lengths to respect his space. 

 

He couldn’t change the fact that Mingyu was a bit too loud sometimes, got easily excited for seemingly no reason, or even breathed a little too heavily all over Wonwoo’s personal space, but he was starting to get used to all of these minor things. Mingyu was a year younger and a bit childish still, so that was something he’d have to come to terms with understanding. He was still a little annoying sometimes, but now he seemed much more like a little puppy that didn’t even know that it was getting too hyper at times and coming off as an occasional bother. That was just Mingyu’s charm. 

 

One day, Wonwoo is alone in their shared room and just working on a few sketches of some plants that he had an interest in. He found that learning about particular species was much more personal if he spent the time drawing his subject, so he often found himself filling his sketchbook with pretty pictures of nature. There was a faint knock at the door that caught his attention, making him sit up from his comfortable laying down position and break into a walk instead. Upon just seeing Mingyu there, he was about to sigh and scold him for being too lazy to open the door himself, but then his eyes traveled downwards slightly. 

 

Mingyu’s hands were filled with a rather large potted plant of some kind, with nothing but a long green stem stretching up to the sky. As much as Wonwoo valued his knowledge in plants, he had no idea what this was. Mingyu was already waiting with a beaming grin and ready to explain everything. “It’s a tomato plant! I saw it when I was walking home from school and passed by a flower shop so I just decided to get it!” 

 

Wonwoo’s still very surprised but he finds himself smiling along with Mingyu as he reaches out to touch the leaves delicately between his fingers. “Really?” He laughs out in a bit of disbelief from the youngers spontaneous actions. “Now you’re interested in starting your own collection too?” 

 

“Nah, I’m not trying to invade your special place with my own plants. I was thinking more like we could… um, raise it together maybe?” Mingyu’s gaze is averted away by his own will, not sure if he’s asking too much with this request. “I mean, only if you want to though. I thought it might be fun to grow some of my own vegetables to cook with and I know you like growing plants too so….maybe you could help me with it?” 

 

Wonwoo’s not exactly sure why Mingyu looks so nervous to ask him something like this. It’s really no big deal or task to handle at all, but he can still see the uncertainty in his features as he struggles to ask. It only brings a fond smile to Wonwoo’s lips. One that he doesn’t realize spreading to his face before he can stop himself. “Of course, Mingyu. I’d love to help you grow it.” 

 

Although it was a rather simple thing to agree to, Mingyu’s eyes light up in the most pure way, filled with nothing but complete excitement bouncing within those bright orbs. He’s practically springing up and down in his shoes as they make their way over to the balcony together to pick a place for their new plant. And when Wonwoo teaches him how to water their tomato plant in all the right places, Mingyu’s lips part open in complete fascination as Wonwoo gives him all the expert advice. 

 

Mingyu might be all too expressive and resemble nothing but an actual puppy at times, but Wonwoo’s starting to get used to it as time ticks on. 

  
  


. . . . . 

  
  


When Wonwoo first moved into the apartment, he had probably started without about ten or so small plants of little ferns and flowers. But now that a few months have passed into this living arrangement, their balcony is filled with a lot more than he started with. Not only do they have a successful tomato plant that has grown to be about three feet tall, but they’ve added a cucumber plant, as well as bean sprouts, and even tried to grow some peppers. There's a bunch of new spice plants that Mingyu personally decided to add as well, and Wonwoo is absolutely certain that his roommate’s cooking tastes even better with the foods that he’s grown. 

 

They’ve added a lot, but they’ve had a few losses as well. They tried to nurse their singular pumpkin plant to come back to life after already dying for no reason, with nothing but the Korean climate to blame for their failure. But still, Wonwoo knew how badly Mingyu wanted to grow his own pumpkin before halloween so he even went out to buy some fancy miracle grow spray to try and save it. In the end, they just had to accept that it was not going to make it though. 

 

Wonwoo’s not exactly sure why he didn’t want to see Mingyu get so disappointed once he’d have to tell him the bad news. He’s not exactly sure why he did what he did next either. All he knew was that he was pulling on his heaviest sweater and bringing himself down to the nearest farmers market to pick out the first pumpkin he could find. Because for some reason, if Mingyu wanted a pumpkin, then he was going to give him one. Just because he didn’t want to see that little excited shimmer in his eyes disappear over something like this or some other bizarre reason he wasn’t sure of. 

 

It was kind of like a trick he played on his roommate by suddenly setting a pumpkin under their plant. Mingyu actually believe they grew it themselves for a moment, but once Wonwoo explained the whole entire story to Mingyu they both started laughing about it like it was the silliest and stupidest thing in the world. It was a memory that they had made together that they’ll probably always look back on fondly.

 

The thought of Wonwoo placing the surprise there didn’t really register anything in his mind after a month or so had passed. He didn’t even really think about again until as a few peculiar things started happening back at home. 

 

There was one day where he had went to wake up and get ready for school. His whole morning routine was a tired blur as usual, but as he made his way out to the balcony to brush some of the snow off the surviving plants, he was met by something a bit odd. There was singular yellow flower sticking out of one of the plants that wasn’t so lucky to make it. It was clear that someone had just stuck it in recently too, or else it would have certainly withered under the cold winter night. He doesn’t think much of it really. In fact, he thinks maybe Jeonghan or Seungcheol might have received it from an admirer and just stuck it out there for show. Either way, Wonwoo carefully takes the flower and rescues it away from the cold. Now it rests in a vase by his bedside table. 

 

He didn’t really think too much about the strange occurrence until he woke up one morning about a week later. Out of the corner of his eye, he now noticed a soft pink rose joined together in the vase along with his first yellow one. It was a bit odd, but he still didn’t make the connection that this all had a purpose. His hyungs knew he particularly liked flowers too so maybe they were just passing on their unwanted ones to him. 

 

Then there were the days where he found a daisy in his toothbrush holder for some reason. A tulip was placed on top of his shoes before he left for school on another day. Then a little trail of buttercups appeared all along his windowsill one morning. This whole time he had been saving the flowers in water until they dried out, and then pressed them between pages in his journal to keep them forever. He never really bothered to ask any of his roommates why though. Maybe he was afraid it would stop if it seemed like he disliked it, but that certainly was not the case. 

 

There was a part of Wonwoo that kind of liked whatever this was. It always brought a smile to his face whenever he’d notice a bright color out of the corner of his eye, only to find a another flower in another strange location as the game continued on. 

 

Wonwoo finds himself resting on the balcony again once most of the snow melts away. It’s still cold enough that he wears a full winter jacket and even contemplates setting a blanket down before sitting on the tiles, but he’s happy that the sun is warm enough to make it somewhat bearable to sit here again. He’s alone with his thoughts and the quietness of the early morning until the screen door slides from behind him. It’s Mingyu. 

 

He’s only wearing flannel pajama bottoms and a sweater, so he visibly shivers a bit as he sits next to Wonwoo on the blanket. Wonwoo turns to ask him why he’s even out here and dressed like that, but Mingyu is quick to interrupt him before he can do that. 

 

“Wonwoo?” 

 

“Hm?”

 

“Can you close your eyes for a second?” 

 

Wonwoo’s about to raise an eyebrow at him in questioning behind this strange demand but he’s learned not to ask too much when it comes to Mingyu. It’s best to just go along what he says and let him prove himself. He lets out a slightly amused laugh that sends a small fog of smoke past his lips from the cold and just ends up closing his eyes anyways. 

 

Suddenly he feels the warm sensation of fingertips brushing against his own, plus something else being pushed into his grip. Without waiting for Mingyu to tell him when to open his eyes again, the unexpected physical contact causes his eyelids to slip open and focus on what’s now being held within his own hand. There’s a single white rose there now.

 

It was Mingyu leaving the flowers for him this whole time. 

 

There’s a flood of thoughts that all come together rather overwhelmingly but then Mingyu smiles over at him so shyly but it’s so precious and everything seems to come together all at once after that. 

 

“It was you? This whole time?” Wonwoo asks again even though he’s all too sure about it now, a mirthful smile spreading over his own lips as he watches the male beside him. He’s grown to be far too unpredictable these past months. He’s grown to be much more than Wonwoo ever imagined him to be from their first meeting.

 

Mingyu’s shoulders just shrug up momentarily as an infectious smile blooms across his features. “I mean, who else could it be now after I exposed myself so openly like that?” 

 

“Thank you…” That’s all that Wonwoo can say for awhile as they share a smile with each other, with the two of them trying to bite back their grins rather than letting themselves smiling completely naturally. Wonwoo holds his flower to his chest as if to protect it from the cold morning as they gaze off into the distance for awhile longer. He’s not sure why finding his own words has become such a challenge but now it’s like he’s waiting for Mingyu to explain himself first. 

 

“I did it because you did it for me first…” The younger male confesses suddenly and it cuts all of the silence in the air that Wonwoo had been too cautious to break. “That’s why I started leaving flowers around for you. But then I happened to see you find it and you seemed happy so… I guess I just continued on doing it because I wanted to make you happy.” 

 

Wonwoo smiles down at his new flower and lightly strokes it’s petals with the tips of his fingers. “Thank you, Mingyu.” He finds himself saying back sincerely, and maybe it’s the first time he’s ever bothered to thank the other for finding so much interest in the things he’s said or done this whole time. “Thank you for trying to make me happy. You didn’t have to go out of your way to do all of that though.” 

 

“I wanted to.” Mingyu says a bit boldly and something dances within his dark eyes, as if suddenly he was able to regain some of his courage after purposely revealing himself. “I just want to do what I can to make you happy.” 

 

“And… why would you want to do that?” 

 

The younger male just shakes his head with a soft smile and quickly and looks away from him. The sunlight shines across his tanned skin in a way that makes Wonwoo’s eyes turn to follow him even as he gazes away. It’s only around this moment where Wonwoo decides that Kim Mingyu is actually beautiful. Inside and definitely out. 

 

Maybe Mingyu isn’t ready to give him an answer. Maybe he doesn’t even know the meaning behind what he’s trying to do so himself. That’s all fine with Wonwoo. All he knows is that Mingyu might get on his nerves sometimes, and he’s a little loud and messy and often breaks things, but Kim Mingyu is sweet. Mingyu is considerate about him and always trying to do the little things to express himself in ways that he’s too inexperienced to find words for. And besides, at this point, Wonwoo doesn’t really need any words to convince him otherwise. 

 

As he notices Mingyu’s hand lightly trembling from the cold and being horribly underdressed to be sitting outside like this, he moves to envelop the younger’s hand in his own. 

 

Mingyu’s skin feels so warm against his own that he doesn’t even mind the physical contact. 

 

In fact, he kind of likes it. 


	29. jihoon, seokmin, mingyu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the next bonus chapters will focus on a few members of the group and reveal some of the backstories that take place over the course of our twenties, in the past, future, or present.
> 
> after each character's story is revealed, vernon and seungkwan's story will be back for the conclusion.
> 
> this chapter includes : jihoon, seokmin, mingyu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me tell you one thing.  
> seokmin's story is my favorite so far so i hope you're living for it as much as i am.  
> i still haven't got around to all of the comments because my school semester is so busy but i'm still endlessly thankful for all of the kind words and i love you all so much.
> 
> @citruseungkwan on tumblr 
> 
> i'm really active on twitter now but i dont wanna write in because it has my real name in the username... just click this link: goo.gl/L1JmnW

/ / Jihoon 

 

Occasionally, there have been times when Jihoon doesn’t like himself. And during the times when he doesn’t like himself, he  _ really  _ doesn’t like himself. The time when he really liked himself the least is during one particular episodes of his blackout rage. 

 

It’s been happening ever since he can remember really. He’ll just be living his life ordinarily enough and then things start piling up, the pressures from living up his father’s legacy or his own standards get to be too much, then he completely stresses out and ends up letting all his feelings explode out all at once. Then the people he really cares about end up getting scared off by his tempter and start trickling out of his life with every heated word that leaves his lips. That’s just how things go for Jihoon. 

 

He’s tried hard enough to stop getting so affected by the things he can’t control. His parents had signed him up for every anger management and stress treatment therapies that they could find. He was even on a few different medications to try and prevent his anxiety levels from spiking out of control. As much as Jihoon really wanted to believe that he was getting better at managing his emotions though, there would always be an occasional setback that made him question if he really was okay or not. 

 

Recently, Jihoon had been putting off his own mental stability for taking care of Seungcheol’s instead. He was the only one who was there to listen to all of Seungcheol’s worries when the rest of their friends just left him alone. He was there to tell him the honest truth, even though if he knew it would hurt to do so but that was really what Seungcheol needed. He was the only person that Seungcheol would reach for and beg for to not leave him alone. Jihoon didn’t mind doing so but these days he had been worrying about taking care of his best friend so much that he started forgetting all about himself for awhile. 

 

There was a part of him that became almost satisfied with Seungcheol needing him for once. 

 

In a way, it felt nice that he didn’t need to rely on the other to coax him throughout his own episodes of distress this time. He didn’t feel like he was the only one who had something wrong with him for once. And for some reason, there was something about the dependent bond that they had shared becoming not so one-sided anymore that made him want to focus all of his thoughts onto Seungcheol these days.

 

Naturally, it felt nice to be needed and it felt even nicer to know that Seungcheol actually needed him too. 

 

So Jihoon ended up deciding that he would protect him during these hard times. When the whole world seemed like it was against his most important person, then undoubtedly he’d still be that one person to stay there by his side. They’d been together since middle school and best friends ever since so that might have played a part into why he felt so devoted towards the elder, but something still felt much more deep inside bond. Maybe that’s why he promised to be the only one to hang around, to whisper all of the sweet words and wipe away all the tears, then continue to stick around even when things got better for him. Even if there was a time when Seungcheol didn’t need him around anymore, he’d still stay. 

 

Jihoon’s intentions might have started from wanting to return some of the favor, after all, Seungcheol had continuously put up with him during all of his own worst moments. Although it started that way, things certainly didn’t seem to ending up that way in the end though. He’d grown to be so attached to Seungcheol to the point where he was starting to think about him way too often to be considered normal. Jihoon loved and respected Seungcheol so much to the point where he was starting to believe that there would be no one in the world quite as amazing as he is. 

 

That’s what made him want to protect Seungcheol from any further harm during this time and he was absolutely resolute in doing so. He’d be the one to make Seungcheol happy from now on. He was sure about it. 

 

But then things started building up all over again. He’d been slacking off in his studies. The final exams of the semester were coming up and he was certainly unprepared for all of them. He’d barely worked on any new music lately because his brain was far too filled with thoughts of Seungcheol’s own well being to focus. And even when Seungcheol was starting to feel much better, he was still thinking about him endlessly in the most frustrating ways.  

 

He was always putting Seungcheol first because that’s what he wanted to do for his best friend but something in his heart was pulling him to the other male much more needily. Why did he even care so much about making Seungcheol so happy all the time? It certainly wasn’t out of responsibility, nor the want to be a good friend. There was something more horrible behind Jihoon’s desires. He wanted to make Seungcheol smile. For no reason at all. He wanted to go out of his way to make Seungcheol’s eyes crinkle up in the most beautiful way that they always do and only reserved for him. He wanted Seungcheol to praise him for his efforts and pat him on the head affectionately like he always did. In simpler terms, he just wanted to give his all to Seungcheol completely and have the other adore him for no reason other than the fact that it just felt  _ right _ . 

 

Jihoon doesn’t know what love really is other than the fact that Seungcheol must be something truly special order to make him try this god damn hard just to make him happy. 

 

The task of making Seungcheol happy sounded easy enough though. That was until his life started to get in the way and things started piling up. His compositions, and his homework, his tests, his suffering grades, and declining social life were all things that got in the way of that. Then when he finally remembered the fact that Seungcheol is actually graduating in just a few weeks practically threw him into a complete mental breakdown. He wasn’t sure what made him so nervous about the elder moving out of their school. He wasn’t going anywhere. He’d continue to live in the same apartment just like before. But Jihoon panicked for some reason anyways and spent countless sleepless nights while trying to figure out what he could do to make the perfect graduation gift to Seungcheol. 

 

He wasn’t exactly sure why it mattered so much to make everything perfect for the other. Jihoon really started thinking that his love for Seungcheol might be something a little more than just platonic, but that couldn’t be possible. He’s not gay. So then he started overthinking about all of his overthinking and got even more stressed out with things. 

 

It was rather unavoidable that he ended up snapping at his friends that day in the recording studio. Things weren’t working right with his computer and they were already in a time crunch to finish the song, plus he had a million thoughts rushing in his brain that were nothing less than completely overwhelming. Nothing could have been more reasonable to set him off and have him spiraling into an episode of black rage. 

 

See, the thing about Jihoon is that he’s not all too aware when he has an outburst of emotion like this. He can feel himself building up to his limit, but usually everything happens so quickly and severely that it’s too late to really give any warning before things snap. It’s almost as if he’s unconscious because of all the overwhelming feelings, but he ends up saying hurtful things that he doesn’t even mean and he acts without the motions even registering in his brain. Sometimes he’ll even try to physically push his friends away when they try to comfort him. This is the Jihoon hidden inside himself that he hates so much. He wishes that he could kill off that part of himself from ever existing, but even endless prescriptions of medicine can’t even seem to silence the monster that is his anxiety. 

 

Mingyu and Wonwoo are there, which is a relief in all ways. They’ve witnessed one or two of his panic induced anger explosions in the past and learned from Seungcheol or Jeonghan how to take care of it. The best thing they can do for him is ignore his horrible words because they know that’s not truly him and leave him in a calm place where he can get over the episode. He trusts his friends enough to not take any of this personally and wait for him come around with an apology later. 

 

Physically, Jihoon feels even worse than his thoughts do. His feelings get so overwhelming that his brain feels like it’s overheating, his face feels flushed with the worst fever and his whole body is burning up and sweating all at once. The racing thoughts just make him dizzy as well, so he’s lucky that he finds himself seated by the time he starts coming back to reality. There’s been a few times when he’s actually fainted due to sheer overstimulation from his attacks. It seems like maybe he did faint this time because when he’s waking up, he feels the pressing of something cold against his forehead.

 

His eyes try to adjust to the light as he’s coming back to his senses, but even though it’s a bit foggy to see right now, the first thing he registers is the softest brown eyes looking into his soul with the most utmost concern. It’s Seungcheol. He smiles warmly as soon as Jihoon stares back at him and comes back to reality. If Jihoon wasn’t feeling a little sick before, now his stomach definitely twists in knots. 

 

“You’re lucky that I was already on campus this time, huh?” Seungcheol speaks to him with ease now that he’s certain that he’s okay, and Jihoon likes how he speaks just like nothing even happened before. “I only had to sprint all the way across two whole buildings like some absolute maniac, but I’m here now.” 

 

Jihoon doesn’t smile even though he feels his friend trying to cheer him up. He still doesn’t smile as he feels Seungcheol’s hand rub against his knee softly to assure him of his presence. Instead, hot tears of shame and embarrassment drip down Jihoon’s face. One even plops down on Seungcheol’s hand and gives him away. 

 

Seungcheol takes what he assumes to be a cold water bottle away from his forehead now as he gazes up at him rather concernedly from where he’s kneeling in front of him. “You’re crying because you’re disappointed in yourself, right?” When Jihoon doesn’t answer him and tries to angle his face away from Seungcheol’s searching eyes, it only prompts the elder to take a light grin on his chin between his fingertips. “I’m not disappointed in you at all, Jihoon. Things have been tough for all of us lately. Any one of us could have cracked under the pressure.” 

 

Jihoon feels unbelievably weak in this moment. Seungcheol’s eyes are watching him too carefully. Those beautiful brown eyes are far too sweet and kind for him. He doesn’t like when Seungcheol looks at him like this because it only weakens him even more. Seungcheol is too nice for his own good and Jihoon doesn’t deserve someone like him. He wants him so badly like but he doesn’t even deserve him. 

 

As Jihoon’s tears continue trickling down his face silently as he keeps a completely blank expression, he glances away from that gaze that makes him feel so uncomfortable in his own skin. He blots at his own tears with his fingertips and he’s thankful that Seungcheol didn’t try to do so for him. If he even tried, maybe he’d be crying even harder right now. 

 

“Here, have some water.” Seungcheol offers to him once he composes himself a bit more. “Your face looks a bit red so maybe it will cool you down.” 

 

The best part about Seungcheol being the one who takes care of him like this is that he doesn’t ask any questions. He doesn’t force Jihoon to talk at all if he doesn’t want to. There’s no need to figure out what he said or what he did during his rage, because he knows that even Jihoon doesn’t really remember himself. He’s just here to offer him whatever he needs at that moment and most often, it’s just his presence that comforts him the most. 

 

There’s also a worst part about Seungcheol being that person though. That means he’s the one who comes running here in a hurry to be the one to save him. He’s selflessly kneeling down on the floor in front of him without even a care as he waits patiently for Jihoon to assure him that he’s feeling better. He’s even going out of his way to offer him water and patting at his knee ever so often, and he’s even going to the extent of smiling at him so tenderly in a way that makes Jihoon want to melt and throw himself into his arms all at the same time. That’s why he doesn’t like that it’s Seungcheol. He’s far too kind for his own good. 

 

“There, you’re looking much better now. You’re not all red like a little angry tomato anymore.” Seungcheol jokes around with him slightly after countless moments of silence pass. He goes to the extent of brushing back his fringe somewhat to clamp his hand over his forehead, checking his body temperature out to make sure he’s getting back into the safe zone of not overheating anymore. Jihoon contemplated backing away from his touch but now he’s starting to give in. 

His never ending thoughts about Seungcheol are only going to result in more complications to come in the future. He’s better off to rip the bandaid off quickly and get this all over with. 

 

“This happened because of you.” Jihoon finds himself confessing suddenly, and even though his words are quite blunt Seungcheol doesn’t seem to understand yet. He looks completely confused and somewhat hurt at being blamed the reason for Jihoon’s stress. Before his eyebrows can furrow together even more, Jihoon has to tell him the truth. “I was working so hard to finish up a song for your graduation present. But then there were so many problems and this happened instead.” 

 

The elder looks slightly relieved that something a bit trivial was the cause behind his outburst this time, but now he looks somewhat touched as well. “You were writing a song for me? Jihoon, that’s amazing but you really don’t have to go through all of that hard work for me.” 

 

“I wanted to.” 

 

“Well, even so…” Seungcheol trails off for a moment with his head tipped to the side. He’s got a smile on his face that’s brilliant enough, but Jihoon feels a bit of a personal pride in knowing that he was the cause behind its formation. “I’m happy that you want to give me a graduation gift and all-  but a whole song? That’s a lot of work. I’d be fine if you just bought me some dinner in all honesty.” 

 

“But I wanted to.” Jihoon repeats again almost as if Seungcheol doesn’t understand what he means. “I wanted to give you a song.” 

 

“I’m fine with that, but there’s no need to rush just to meet the deadline of graduation day.” Seungcheol says as he chuckles a bit, maybe finding something funny about how stubborn Jihoon was being today. “I’m sure that I’m going to love the song whenever you finish it.” 

 

“But it has to be before graduation day. I have to give it to you by then.” He says almost like it’s a mantra as his fists curl into little balls by his side. Jihoon’s always felt like he was bad at expressing himself in words. That’s the only reason why he was frustrated about this. “If I don’t give it to you by then, then your graduation isn’t going to be perfect. I want it to make you so happy that you’re always going to remember that day forever.” 

 

There’s a peculiar smile on Seungcheol’s lips that Jihoon hasn’t seen too often. He almost doesn’t know how to read it for a moment until there’s a soft hand moving to rest over his smaller curled up fists. Then Seungcheol is smiling at him so warmly all over again. 

 

“You know that I love your songs and all… but I’m sure my graduation day will be happy enough with just you there to support me. That’s all I’ve ever asked for, right? Just being together and making some memories on that day is what will really make me most happy.” 

 

“But-” 

 

“Jihoon.” Seungcheol’s silences him without even having to raise his voice. His voice is low and gentle like it always is and it’s enough for Jihoon to close his lips from objecting even more. “I don’t want you to stress out even more than you already have today. If you work yourself sick over trying to finish the song and you’re not physically well enough to attend my graduation, that’s going to make me more unhappy than anything else.” 

 

He feels Seungcheol’s hand pressing over his still balled up first, but the warmth that radiates off his skin slowly makes him start unclenching his hand. He never realized how even his shoulders had tensed up before until he realized them sinking down as well. 

 

“I just…” Jihoon feels himself struggling to explain again despite visibly seeming to relax from the other’s touch, his lips slightly jut out in somewhat of a pout without even realizing so. “...I just want to make you happy, Seungcheol.” 

 

“You already do make me happy.” 

 

Jihoon tries to look at him but it’s a mistake. He’s so sincere right now that the expression on his face physically makes Jihoon want to cry or something. 

 

“Maybe you are happy… but  _ I  _ want to me the one to make you happy.” He finds himself mumbling his small little wish under his breath one more time, fully expecting for Seungcheol just to smile like that all over again and assure him that that’s already the case. It only makes him feel even more embarrassed when he has to keep repeating himself and Seungcheol still doesn’t get it.

 

This time is a little different though. Seungcheol looks up at him in questioning as he pulls one of Jihoon’s nervous hands into both of his own. “Tell me. Why do you want to be the one make me happy?” 

 

“Because I don’t like how people treat you. You deserve so much more, Seungcheol. You deserve the whole world.” Jihoon finds himself admitting openly. There’s no more holding back his thoughts now. He’s a complete open book and he’s going to feel so much better once all of this is out. “And then you don’t even know how amazing you are. You’re so kind and generous and you still look at me like I’m something special too even after I just exploded and said all of those horrible things to my own friends. You’re so gentle with everyone that you’d do anything to make someone else feel better. You’d even sacrifice yourself to make someone’s day because you’re so selfless. It’s just so frustrating because you don’t even see any of this yourself and it drives me crazy. You’re amazing, Seungcheol. You’re everything.” 

 

There’s a bit of silence in the air after but it’s not the type that makes Jihoon unsettled. He know’s that Seungcheol’s letting all of the words sink in before he responds, and he can practically see the way the words are working for him as he looks at him tenderly again. He’s got to stop doing that for Jihoon’s sake. 

 

“Thank you…That’s one of the nicest things that anyone’s ever said to me.” He starts off slowly, glancing down at Jihoon’s smaller hand that he held in his own for a moment as he brushed his thumb over the lighter skin carefully. “I’m still not too sure though… Why you? Why do you have to be the one to make me happy?”

 

Now Jihoon feels himself starting to get a little nervous. Seungcheol is directly asking for him to explain himself now. It’s the moment of truth. He feels himself getting a bit flustered even as he looks away from the male’s eyes because he’s still massaging at his hand lightly and watching it for some reason. “Because.” Jihoon finds himself inhaling deeply before letting out the air in a bit of a shaky sigh. “I want to be your favorite person. You’re already my favorite.” 

 

For some reason, Jihoon feels his heart racing in his chest from admitting this but it doesn’t feel all too bad. 

 

“So you’re-” Seungcheol starts out for a second but he has to stop in the middle of his sentence to chuckle a bit and shake his head to the side. “Jihoon, you’re asking to be mine?” 

 

He doesn’t really get what the other finds funny about any of this, but Jihoon just takes his hand away from Seungcheol’s in favor of running his hand through his hair stressfully instead. “I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here. Just forget it, I guess. I’m fucked up and I don’t know what I’m thinking.” 

 

“Forgive me for laughing but honestly, you just looked so cute. I swear, that’s the only reason.” Seungcheol holds two hands in the air for a moment as if asking for mercy and a string of happy chuckles leave his lips again. Jihoon doesn’t enjoy being laughed at but the sound is kind of like music to his ears. Shortly after, Seungcheol is all serious again.“This is all so unexpected, that’s all. I’m just trying to figure out the context that you’re speaking in. Do you mean as friends or….?” 

 

As the other trails off into a place that Jihoon has tried so hard to push out of his brain countless times, he’s almost sure that Seungcheol is almost getting on the same page as he is now. It’s already out there. When he doesn’t say anything and just glances over at him, the ever so slight way that his eyes widen only assures him that Seungcheol is thinking the same thing that he is too. 

 

Jihoon  _ likes _ him. His feelings are much more than just friends now. 

 

“Hypothetically…” Jihoon starts out a bit uncertainly, biting his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment as he has to look away. “If I was thinking of something more than that… what would you say?” 

 

“I’d say rather than worrying about all of the hypotheticals or ifs and maybes, I’d like to know what you really think.” 

 

“But what if I don’t know what I really think yet?” 

 

“Then what do you think that you think?” 

 

Jihoon actually pauses to roll his eyes at him and they both end up laughing at each other. All of the tension is cut once they realize both of them are equally as bad as finding the words to deal with this. “Seungcheol, this is stupid.” Jihoon finds himself saying as he starts to give up on trying to protect his image or whatever else he’s scared of. His hand is still clutched in Seungcheol’s own. If he wanted to run away or disown him or something, he would have done so already. “Why don’t you tell me what you think first?” 

 

Seungcheol doesn’t really have to stop and think for a moment but maybe he does so anyways just to make sure he’s dealing with this correctly. “Well, I never really expected anything like this happening because you never said anything about questioning your sexuality. But if you’re having thoughts about that, and if you’re having those thoughts about  _ me _ …. I think I would want you to make sure you’re absolutely certain before going through with anything you’d regret later. You know, take your time with things. Let your feelings happen naturally.” 

 

And that’s the Seungcheol that he likes the most. The Seungcheol that’s always putting him first just because he wants to. The one that’s always making sure he’s comfortable and looking out for his best interests at all times. The one who’s so devoted for him for no reason other than  _ ‘just because’ _ . They’re completely the same towards each other. Everything is all reciprocated. He can say that he hates when Seungcheol looks at him so tenderly or dotes on him simply because that’s what gets his feelings all riled up, but deep, deep  _ deep _ down, he truly loves Seungcheol’s kindness. 

 

Their intertwined hands are still in Jihoon’s lap. He pulls his hand away for a second, but only in favor of bringing himself down to Seungcheol’s level to meet in a tight hug. The arms that wrap around him in return are the most comforting and secure walls that could ever keep him in place. They’re not like a castle, or a palace, but much more like home sweet home for Jihoon. 

 

This is all he wanted in the end. Seungcheol is going to give him his space to make sure he can think through everything properly and decide what he really wants. But for some reason, Jihoon thinks that no matter what decision he makes, Seungcheol is always going to be there waiting to accept him anyways. 

 

And as for Jihoon, what does he decide for today? 

 

When they eventually part from their embrace, he finds himself brushing his lips over Seungcheol’s cheek in only the most innocent and careful of ways.  _ Just because he wants to.  _ He receives nothing but soft plush lips pressing against his forehead in response before Seungcheol’s beaming smile is directed only at him. And after that, all of his worries seemed to wash away from then on. 

 

They take care of each other. 

 

/ / Seokmin 

 

As for Seokmin, it’s hard to think of a time in his life where he wasn’t looking at Soonyoung with nothing but complete infatuation and awe at how incredibly talented he is. There’s no one he looks up to more than Soonyoung. It's like he’s his biggest fan or something. Except now they’re best friends and even a little something more sometimes. It’s all thanks to Seokmin putting himself out there and going after what he really wants, and believing in the little moments of magic in life and chasing after them. 

 

Starting all the way from the beginning, it’s a bit unfair to admit that he already knew the other male before they officially first met though. 

 

Much like Soonyoung was, Seokmin was also very active in his own theatre group in high school. The two of them lived and breathed for the productions that their school would put on and even went to the extend of wrapping their whole lives around theatre. This made the regional competitions practically the biggest event of the whole year to look forward to. Not only could they perform their hard work in front of a much bigger audience, but they could meet other kids who had the same strange interests and nerd out over theatre stuff together for a whole weekend. For Seokmin, attending his first competition seemed like a dream. It was a place he could truly be himself with his kind of people and just sing his heart out all he wanted.

 

Seokmin attended his first regional when he was in his sophomore year of highschool. He still remembers the anticipation of boarding the bus a bit nervously, as he was still a newcomer in the group and a bit awkward about fitting in with the seniors and even the freshmen members who were in the club longer than him. They had a long road trip ahead of them so he had originally planned to just listen to some music and sleep, but as soon as the group sing-a-long started he couldn’t help but to smile and belt out the lyrics to cheesy movie soundtrack songs with all of the members. 

 

And he killed it.

 

Seokmin has sang in front of them before but his part in the musical was only a background character so his singing parts were limited to all of the group numbers. This time, his voice is powerful enough to sing over everyone in the bus and they all kind of gasp and look at him in shock over where that voice came from. There’s endless remarks about how good he is and a million requests for him to try different songs with his voice, and there’s a never ending smile forming on Seokmin’s face as the praise keeps coming. 

 

Even though they had been practicing their play for months, Seokmin was finally starting to feel like they were accepting him as part of the family. They finally realize that he’s got some potential too. Maybe if he’s lucky enough, he’ll be able to grab a solo part next year. 

 

Hours later, the bus arrives at the hotel that’s hosting them for the regional event. Even though the students seemed to waste much of their energy just from riding the bus and being hyper for no particular reason other than going on a school trip, there’s something exciting in the air as they wait to check into their rooms. The hotel lobby is filled with other students here for the same event and Seokmin’s team is already on the look out for who their competition might be.

 

One of his castmates suddenly whispers out lowly under their breath. “Hey, isn’t that Kwon Soonyoung?” 

 

“Yeah, I can’t believe he’s here…. this isn’t even a dance competition.” A girl adds a bit regretfully. “Whatever school he’s competing with is going to be tough to beat.” 

 

“He looks even better than he does in his youtube covers though!” Another girl practically squeals out and then all eyes seem to follow in the direction of the mysterious guy they’re talking about.

 

Seokmin’s head turns along with them to scope out the stranger, probably out of curiosity or just because he wants to spy on the other school’s talents as well. He never even heard of a Kwon Soonyoung before today but now he learns who they’re talking about. Surrounded by a group of his own classmates, the person they’re gossiping over is engaged in what seems like a very interesting conversation. He’s a male shorter than himself, with his haircut resembling a bit of a more stylish bowl cut of shiny black hair that almost gets in the way of his eyes. He has to flick his bangs out of his eyes every once in awhile to see and there’s a bit of a mischievous glint in his dark eyes once Seokmin does get a look at them. Other than that, there’s not really much to say about Soonyoung. In Seokmin’s opinion, he just seems pretty ordinary.

 

Actually, take that back. 

 

Soonyoung just laughed at a joke or something and his nose crinkled up in the most adorable way along with that bright smile and his cheeks.  _ His cheeks _ . They’re so squishy and perfect and he wants to hold them in his hands for the rest of eternity and just cherish them. 

 

Before he can really come to terms with reality again, Soonyoung’s group is already gone off down the hall and Seokmin’s just left there with his mouth physically hanging open. Now he gets why people like Kwon Soonyoung. He’s not in love at first sight or anything but if it’s possible to have a crush just from looking at someone for a few seconds, Seokmin’s definitely got that. 

 

They check into their rather dingy and old hotel rooms moments later and get sent off to sleep for the night. Tomorrow is the day they’ll perform so they’ve got to be up early and prepare everything perfectly. They’ve got a strict curfew to follow but even though Seokmin tries to lay down to sleep, nothing seems to be coming to him. His roommates end up sneaking out to go to the pool with some other girls in their group but he doesn’t really want to risk getting in trouble. The giggles and cheers coming from other students in the other rooms are very tempting though.

 

For some reason his mind starts to wonder about what Kwon Soonyoung is doing right now. Maybe he’s in the pool with all of the other students and fooling around. Maybe he’s drinking alcohol smuggled in from some other student and playing spin the bottle with a group. Or maybe he’s just in his room watching netflix with some pretty theatre actress and enjoying whatever happens along with that. Seokmin really shouldn’t care about some guy he doesn’t even kow personally but this is supposed to be the weekend that all theatre students look forward to. He should be out there socializing and doing stupid things with all the other theatre kids before all of the drama starts. Literally. And not to mention, as a young high schooler who might or might not be interested in dating other guys, this is the perfect safe haven for the gays. Seokmin needs to get out there and live for once. 

 

If he gets caught, his mother is going to be so angry with him and ground him forever but honestly, Seokmin is too excited about the possibilities to resist sneaking out too. He peaks his head out of his door to check for any lurking parents in the hallway and just ends up bolting off in the direction off all the noise. The pool is filled with students and honestly looks like hell. Theatre kids are really loud and don’t have any concept of personal space so Seokmin is not intending on joining in on any of this. The lobby has much less people but it still seems like a relative mess. Everyone’s just camping out in their pajamas and laying around and telling stories or whatever but Seokmin really doesn’t recognize any of them enough to join their groups. He doesn’t hang out for long and ends up checking out some of the other floors for any room parties before deciding that’s not really for him either. Plus he hasn’t seen Soonyoung in any of these places. His excitement is wearing thin. 

 

In order not to make this whole trip a failure, he decides to hit up one of the vending machines on just a whim that he might at least find some snacks to enjoy. Instead, he practically walks into a meeting of fate and destiny. Huddled up next to the vending machine is none other than Kwon Soonyoung, all alone, and wrapped up in what looks like the softest blanket while watching something on his phone. It’s anime. He’s watching Naruto. Seokmin is practically in love with him just based on this alone. 

 

They don’t know each other. Seokmin’s sure they’ve never even locked eyes before. But when Soonyoung notices his presence he immediately smiles in his direction for whatever reason and Seokmin’s pretty much sure his heart is about to melt. He attempts to smile back but it’s a bit awkward and seems too forced but that’s all he’s physically capable of now. 

 

Seokmin punches in the numbers for the candy he wants and there's an uncomfortable silence where he feels like he should say something just to start a conversation. He could go for something like “what school do you go to?”, “what show are you performing in?”, or even something like “so, you don’t like the loud noise either?” but he doesn’t. Instead, he goes for the most stupid question of them all.

 

“So, are you watching pre-sasuke Naruto or post-sasuke Naruto?” 

 

Once the words are past his lips and out there, Seokmin actually wants to  _ die _ . 

 

“Ah, I’m starting over from the beginning so it’s actually just season one. That good nostalgic stuff.” Soonyoung replies back without thinking it was a stupid question or whatever, which Seokmin appreciates. 

 

“It’s horribly cheesy but it’s golden.” Seokmin replies back and leans his head down a bit once the other male turns his screen around for him to take a look at the episode. “I even don’t blame you for escaping all of these yelling theatre kids to watch some Naruto.” 

 

Even though they’re not talking about anything interesting, Soonyoung has a constant smile on his face and his nose is even crinkling slightly right now. He honestly seems like such a friendly guy that Seokmin finds his own smile starting to form less forcibly now. Just looking at Soonyoung makes his cheeks want to rise up for some reason?

 

“Yeah, I can’t really focus on getting ready for tomorrow when it’s so loud out there. I need peace and quiet to calm my nerves down a bit.” Soonyoung replies back for a moment and then pauses for a minute, as if he’s starting to think about something. “Hey, I know we’re not really supposed to be so friendly with the other teams before the competition is over, but you can join me if you’d like.” 

 

“How are you supposed to make any friends if you don’t talk to anyone until the competition ends? That makes no sense.” Seokmin laughs a bit and it makes Soonyoung roll his eyes a little but laugh along with him. “But anyways, I agree with you and there’s nothing I’d rather do tonight than be antisocial and just watch some stupid cartoons.” 

 

“Come and join me then.” Soonyoung only has to offer one more time with a small pat to the ground beside him and that’s all Seokmin needs before he practically throws himself down to sit next to this boy. 

 

Not to be jumping into things too fast, but for some reason Seokmin feels a little nervous while he’s sitting next to Soonyoung. He’s supposed to be this super talented guy from their rival school and he’s just buddying up with him without really thinking much of it. This could be a bad idea, especially if Soonyoung’s school ends up beating them in the competition tomorrow. Seokmin tries to convince himself that those are the only reasons behind why he’s so nervous to sit next to Soonyoung. It’s not the fact that his skin literally looks so soft and smooth to the touch. Or that his cologne actually smells so good that he can only think about what it would feel like to rest his head against the crook of his neck while they watch this fucking anime together. It’s so domestic that it’s actually disgusting but Seokmin is silently praying that blanket ends up shared between the two of them later. 

 

“Hey, Soonyoung-” He finds himself starting out just to distract himself from his own intrusive thoughts. “Wanna have some of my candy?” 

 

“I thought you’d never ask.” The other male grins a bit playfully at him before holding his hand out and patiently waiting for Seokmin to pour him some. He pops a full handful of skittles in his mouth before turning back to the episode and chewing down the huge mouthful much similar to how a young kid would. “By the way….how to do you know my name if I don’t know yours?” 

 

Seokmin knows now that he fucked up. The tips of his ears are already burning red with embarrassment. It takes him a few seconds to compose himself and swallow down his own candy that he nearly choked on. “Uh….. that’s a long story.” 

 

“I have time.” Soonyoung simply responds back and his pretty eyes just blink back at him like they could somehow stare into his whole soul right now.

 

Seokmin figures there’s no use in lying so he just comes clean. “Some of the girls from my school are practically fans of yours. They kept on saying really nice things about you, so naturally I grew curious when they pointed you out in the lobby earlier.” 

 

He worried that Soonyoung would find all of this information creepy much like any other average person would, but surprisingly he actually looks very interested. His eyes light up a bit and his mouth opens in a small gasp. “Really? There’s people from another school talking about me? It’s hard for me to believe, but I’m really touched actually.” 

 

“Yeah,well they said you’re some super talented dancer and you’re going to be a big competitor to look out for this year. We’re also doing a musical for the competition so I guess your school is our target.” Seokmin explains and also informs Soonyoung of which school he’s from and what act they’re going to be performing this year. 

 

“Oh, you’re from that school? Everyone at my school always jokes around that you guys are our competition too!” He replies back a bit amazedly before a string of laugher passes through his lips that sounds much more like a giggle but Seokmin likes it a lot anyways. “It’s kind of funny to end up meeting you here like this. We’re supposed to be like enemies but we’re sneaking away from our own groups to hide out like this.” 

 

“I don’t pay attention to the rivalry at all. I just think it’s pretty great that we can meet other people who like the same things as us here. Like we’re all theatre nerds here, why can’t we all be friends?” 

 

“Do you want to be my friend?” 

 

The question seems rather out of the blue but Soonyoung seems pretty serious about it. There’s a part of Seokmin that feels like he’s being sneaky because he’s clearly already kinda crushing on Soonyoung and he’s all so oblivious about that fact. But as for Seokmin, he’s going to pick getting friendzoned over being a complete stranger anyday. 

 

“I mean, yeah sure…. why not?” He kind of sputters out a bit awkwardly, since the sudden question made his heart race a little now that he knew Soonyoung was kind of interested in him too even if that was just as a friend. Either way, Seokmin is not smooth at all and tries to cover all of his nervousness with comedy. “...Unless you’re a spy or something and trying to collect information about us and try to sabotage us tomorrow.” 

 

Soonyoung just rolls his eyes at him again. “I’m not that kind of person but if you still have any doubts, I promise you that I won’t ask about anything related to your show tomorrow if you don’t ask about mine either. Deal?” 

 

A pinky finger is offered over to seal the deal and Seokmin only hesitates for a second before letting his little finger wrap around Soonyoung’s own as they make this promise. 

 

“Alright, it’s officially decided then so no take backs!” Soonyoung all but beams at him. “From now on, we’re going to be friends and never let the competition get between us. No matter what happens tomorrow and no matter who the winner is, let’s support each of our shows and push ourselves on with a little bit of friendly competition.” 

 

He never really imagined Soonyoung to be such a bright kid but as their pinkies are still intertwined and the slightly older male is shaking their hands all around in excitement, Seokmin’s got an infectious smile on his face that’s actually making his cheeks kind of hurt. He’s only been around Soonyoung for like fifteen minutes but he hasn’t stopped smiling once. 

 

But then Soonyoung suddenly stops and gasps again for a second. “Wait- I didn’t even ask for your name yet! How am I supposed to cheer you on tomorrow if I don’t even have your name?” 

 

“Ah, it’s Seokmin. Lee Seokmin.” 

 

“Seok Min….” Soonyoung repeats out loud to himself and forms the words on his lips for an extended moment, almost like he’s devoted to saving them in his memory from now on. Seokmin already decided he likes his name on Soonyoung’s lips. There’s also some other things that he’d like to put on the other male’s lips, but that’s a story for another time. “That’s a nice name. I like it.” 

 

Honestly, Seokmin isn’t really sure what to say after that but he feels all bubbly inside just from being around his new friend’s presence. He thinks he just nods his head a little and smiles but he can’t really remember. All that came next was sharing small handfuls of candy with Soonyoung as they awkwardly bump against each other’s fingers to find particular flavors and colors. Soonyoung likes the yellow ones best, which reminds him perfectly of the male’s sunny personality so he ends up saving all of those for him. 

 

They watch a few episodes of the show while sharing their sugar high. Watching an anime that they both had a childhood obsession with makes for a lot of stupid inside jokes and imitations of the characters. Instead of really watching the show, it’s more like endless giggling from Soonyoung’s end as Seokmin tries to dramatically recreate the dialogue. Eventually Soonyoung joins in by adding a bunch of funny voices and all of their laughter mixed with bellies full of candy makes for some pretty nauseous stomachs but neither of them even care. 

 

When all of their excitement starts to wear off, it’s nearly 3AM. They have to be up again at 7AM to start preparing their shows for competition and Seokmin is feeling particularly screwed but nothing about tonight feels like it will become a regret later. At this point, somehow Soonyoung’s fluffy blanket had been moved to surround his own shoulders as well and they were pretty much cuddling together against the vending machine. It wasn’t the most romantic thing in the world but god damn it, Seokmin was pretty pleased with the way things were turning out for him. 

 

Soonyoung’s head even falls onto his shoulder and it’s clear that he’s fallen asleep due to the fact that his mouth is open and he’s almost even snoring a bit. Seokmin can’t find it in his heart to wake him up so he plays another episode and doesn’t do anything about the head on his shoulder. Soonyoung’s hair just feels so silky and soft against his cheek as he rests his own head down on top of him. He doesn’t touch Soonyoung at all other than that, but he’s definitely admiring him a bit. He likes his long black eyelashes and the pretty bow shape of his pink lips. Soonyoung smells like a clean mix of his parcicular choice of scented cologne along with the lemon candy that they previously shared. 

 

When the episode is over, he walks the very sleepy Soonyoung back to his room. A sleepy Soonyoung is also a very out of it Soonyoung, so there’s a moment where he wonders if Soonyoung will even remember him tomorrow but he can only pray that things work out. 

 

Competition day is an actual mess. It’s chaos just trying to get everything ready because there’s students rushing around everywhere and everyone’s in such a panic that stress levels are through the roof. He doesn’t really even have much time to find Soonyoung during the breakfast hour because their group is forced to eat backstage while putting together some last minute stage props. He doesn’t have much time to even think about Soonyoung much either because things are so crazy, but once his school’s production is successfully performed for the judges without any major flaws or mistakes, he gets the rest of the evening to relax and enjoy some of the other shows. 

 

While many of his teammates are exhausted and end up going back to their rooms for naps, Seokmin finds himself in the auditorium for a few more hours hoping to catch sight of Soonyoung somewhere just to say hi. But maybe even better than that, Soonyoung’s school is eventually scheduled to perform and he can just end up watching him perform instead. 

 

Soonyoung’s not just good. He’s  _ really _ good. And Seokmin finally gets around to understanding all of the hype from yesterday. For some reason it’s hard to connect the soft and giggly Soonyoung from last night to the powerful one he’s watching on stage but maybe that’s what’s even more amazing about it. 

 

They have to wait until the next day for the results of the competition to be revealed. It’s a really long day and now that all of the stress and anxieties about performing are all gone, Seokmin is just really tired and heads to bed early to make up for the lack of sleep the night before. 

 

In the final ceremonies, Seokmin’s school wins second place while Soonyoung’s school wins first. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little disappointed but he’s happy that at least someone he respects is able to take that first place spot. As he watches Soonyoung take the award for his team and give a speech, Seokmin claps and cheers along with all of the other students. Based on what he learned last night, Soonyoung is completely devoted to his theatre arts club and practically acts as the president despite only being a third year student. Soonyoung’s seems to be such hard worker and he’s genuinely happy to see him succeed. Seokmin always has next year to try again, and perhaps this newly formed friendly competition will only motivate him more to win next time. 

 

Once all of the awards are given out at the ceremony there’s always a small dinner and dance party thrown in the hotel’s ballroom for the students to celebrate a bit. Seokmin’s heard some crazy stories about things that have happened in the past at these types of gatherings and he’s already a bit nervous with anticipation. All of the students go crazy now that all of the hard work is over for the semester and shit happens. They’re not enough parent chaperones to volunteer so they’re basically allowed to run wild. He’s heard endless tales of hookups, breakups, and even reported soul mates meeting during years of past competitions. Tonight could be either something really amazing or something completely underwhelming and Seokmin’s not sure what side to gamble on. 

 

Seokmin spends the first few hours with his own friends. After all of their hard work they just want to eat themselves to death and then jump around on the dance floor screaming to stupid pop songs. The hotel wasn’t too nice to begin with because of the school’s limited budget so the ballroom they’re hosted is isn’t too special either. At least with the lights off and all of the students forcibly packed together things might get a little interesting just based on that alone. 

 

He spends his time having so much fun with his own friends until he feels his wrist being pulled into the center of the dance floor, where a bunch of students are standing around in a circle and cheering for something. Seokmin’s lucky he’s on the rather tall side so he can glance over the crowd pretty easily to see what everyone’s focused on. 

 

It’s Soonyoung.

 

There’s a Shinee song playing.

 

Seokmin is pretty sure he literally just watched Soonyoung slide across the dance floor in an actual head stand. 

 

Naturally, his jaw drops to the floor when he comes to terms with the fact that hey, that’s actually his friend out there and his friend is doing some pretty extreme things right now. Seokmin doesn’t really know too much about dance technique but Soonyoung’s out there doing some amazing b-boy style work and that’s definitely the reason why everyone stopped to watch. He finds himself watching for another whole song or two before eventually he loses sight of Soonyoung in the crowd. 

 

He gives up on trying to find him altogether, because it’s pretty clear that Soonyoung is the center of attention at this party and he’s clearly busy being popular with other people. They probably won’t even keep up whatever friendship they formed once this whole event is over. It’s a little bit of a lonely feeling, knowing that he seemed to have a real connection with him the other night and now things would already be over once they went back to their own schools. It was unfair to end things before they couldn’t even start but there’s nothing Seokmin could really do about it. 

 

After a few moments of hanging around and hoping for destiny to somehow give him a chance encounter with Soonyoung, it just seemed like fate wasn’t going to pull through for him this time. All of these students were pressed together too tightly and the room was starting to get too hot. Seokmin decided to make his way out of the circle and get some water instead. 

 

Right when he was almost out of the crowd though, a hand grasped at his wrist all over again and he remembered silently praying in his head that it was Soonyoung before he even turned around. 

 

“Lee Seokmin.” The person he had been so hoping for called out to him with a somewhat accomplished smile on his face. “I’ve been looking all over for you today.” 

 

Even though they had finally found each other, Soonyoung’s grasp on his wrist didn’t falter. Seokmin kind of liked that. 

 

“I’ve been looking for you too, Soon.” Seokmin replies back even though he’s a little surprised that he was being sought after as well. “I mean, I’ve seen you around a few times but you always looked so busy. I didn’t want to interrupt.” 

 

“Too busy? I’m never too busy for you.” Soonyoung says back almost teasingly as he pouts a bit and swings their hands between them rather childishly. He knows that he’s just joking or trying to look cute or whatever, but Seokmin’s very glad that the lights are off and Soonyoung can’t see his reddening ears. 

 

Seokmin laughs a little awkwardly and tries to shake away his blush with the shake of his head. “Well, anyways… I wanted to say congratulations. For winning and all. Plus you won another award for best choreography, right? That’s really amazing and I can see why all of the girls at my school like you so much.” 

 

Seokmin doesn’t know how to flirt. At all. But somehow his compliments even make Soonyoung’s eyes crinkle up all happily and that furthermore prompts more pretty sounds of laughter to leave his lips. There’s also some more arm swinging but that’s too cute to think about in detail right now. 

 

“Aw, I’m happy for you too, Seokminnie. We were only a few points off so I’m sure next year will be an even better rivalry for us to look forward to.” Soonyoung adds and he even has the audacity to wink before continuing on. He can’t tell if they’re just joking or if this is flirting but it’s most likely the former. “Either way, I think I’m happy that I met you here. It’s kind of nice to hang out with someone I haven’t spent months bickering about choreography or set design with. I mean- I love my stage family and all, but now that it’s over  _ please let me get away from them _ .” 

 

“Well, you have me for another….” Seokmin pauses and checks the time on his phone. “Two hours? That’s when the bus comes to take us home.” 

 

Soonyoung audibly gasps. “They’re making you drive all the way back to Seoul tonight? With school in the morning? How horrible, you guys are still second place winners! You guys deserve to get a good night’s sleep and then head home in the morning too.” 

 

“Please don’t try to remind me of class in the morning.” Seokmin all but groans out and looks up suddenly when he feels one of Soonyoung’s arms winding around his neck. Instead of really giving him an answer, Soonyoung just starts dancing around with him. Actually, he wasn’t paying much attention before but even when they were just talking the older male was still kind of bouncing around to the music that played in the background. 

 

“Then maybe if you dance with me you’ll forget all about that.” Soonyoung suggests with a bit of a playful smile and it’s already too late for Seokmin to even say no with the way he’s being pulled back onto the dance floor and Soonyoung’s practically leaning all over him. 

 

Seokmin is certainly nervous. Something about the way that Soonyoung’s attention is only focused on him is the source behind all of this shyness, but when the elder male takes him by the hand and leads him on, Seokmin finds all of those nerves unraveling when he’s accidentally pushed against Soonyoung because of the crowd and now the other male is all over him too. There’s a number of songs that pass and neither of them are really counting. All Seokmin knows is that’s it’s fun to dance with Soonyoung like this because they’re both taking turns between being serious and doing funny imitations of girl group dances every once in awhile. Either way, it’s safe to say that Seokmin spends most of the time on the dance floor laughing at all of Soonyoung’s gag dances but occasionally uses their close proximity to his advantage. 

 

Soonyoung doesn’t seem to mind at all when they’re forced to stand a little closer when someone tries to move around them. If Seokmin’s hip bumps into the other male’s, sometimes Soonyoung even leans in closer. Every touch between them is electric. Now Seokmin’s really starting to believe that maybe this isn’t so one sided after all. 

 

Soonyoung leans up into his personal space and for a second and Seokmin’s eyes are about to shut. He’s thinking he’s about to be kissed for sure. But then Soonyoung just ends up closing the distance to speak into his ear instead because it’s far too loud to talk to each other normally here.

 

“You wanna go outside and cool off? It’s getting too hot in here.” 

 

Seokmin nods in agreement. At this point he’s kind of done with the crowd too and Soonyoung’s fringe is nearly all stuck to his forehead with sweat. He doesn’t look any less good in Seokmin’s eyes, which is definitely kind of scary to admit because it only furthermore proves that he’s  _ really  _ into Soonyoung. Either way, this time Seokmin takes the initiative to wrap his fingers around the elder’s wrist and pull them out of the crowded auditorium. 

 

They don’t have any particular destination in mind, so they end up exiting the hotel’s lobby and wandering outside for a little while until they find a particularly quiet place to sit down. It’s not the most romantic setting for the two of them to be sitting on a bench in front of the parking lot, but the weather is cool and there’s no other loud and crazy students around. This will do for now. 

 

They talk for awhile about pointless things while they sip waters and try to regulate their body temperatures. It’s spring time and the night is a bit chilly but perfect compared to the sweaty auditorium. Seokmin can hear the chirp of nighttime bugs in the grass around them to accompany with Sooyoung's soft giggles and it’s kind of comforting in a way. They tell jokes and talk about stupid things, but Seokmin is genuinely happy in this moment. 

 

As if finally coming to terms with the fact that this night couldn’t possibly go on forever, Seokmin ends up taking his phone out of his pocket to check the time. His bus is leaving far too soon and he hasn’t even finished packing up all of the set pieces yet. His classmates are going to be pissed if he skips out on his duty but he’s starting to think that getting scolded a little really couldn’t hurt too much. But as he’s sliding his phone back into his pocket with the lightest sigh, Soonyoung seems to notice. 

 

“You have to go back to pack soon, right?” He asks as he leans forward a bit, as he’s trying to read Seokmin’s expression to find out the reason behind his sigh. There’s a slight frown tugging on the corner of the elder’s lips. Seokmin notices and hopes that he’ll be asked to stay just a little longer.

 

“Yeah, I better go in a few minutes….” Seokmin trails off but makes no move to leave. 

 

“Well, you wouldn’t want to keep your cast members waiting and all.” Soonyoung points out with a bit of a pout on his lips as he speaks. “There’s a lot of stage pieces that you have to load up, right?” 

 

“Yeah.” Another sigh leaves Seokmin’s lips as he admits this. He knows that Soonyoung is trying to convince him to leave now because it’s the right thing to do, but he wishes that he’d just be a little more open about his feelings right now. He wants Soonyoung to just tell him not to leave yet or even grasp for his hand or do absolutely anything. Seokmin just wants to know if any of this is reciprocated. He’ll put his heart out on the line and linger here a bit more. 

 

Because he doesn’t say much there’s a bit of an awkward silence. He can see that Soonyoung is trying to find something to say to break that silence just by the way another soft smile settles on his lips. “Hey…” Soonyoung starts out, tipping his head to the side in a way where his bangs flick over his eyes for a second before brushing out of the way. When Seokmin looks at him right in the eyes, his heart starts to race before the words even come out. “... I think this weekend was more fun because I was with you, Seokmin. Let’s make sure to do it again next year.” 

 

It’s not exactly what he was hoping for, but Seokmin feels a soft smile settling on his own features because of the genuine words he’s been given. Soonyoung was thinking the same as him with this statement at least. The seniors at school who had always hold him that amazing things happen at these competitions were right after all. He had met Soonyoung, and this was a weekend that the two of them were going to remember. 

 

But if he intended on following his senior’s advice, he had seemed to forget about the most important thing. This was a place for him to make his own dreams come true. He was free to make his own magic here. Certainly, his seniors were probably referring to theatre but figuratively, he wanted Soonyoung so he should chase after him. 

 

Throwing all logic and caution to the wind, Seokmin wanted to rely on his feelings this time. He remembers vividly how his fingers gripped onto the wooden bench in hesitance for maybe a second or two, but then he went and kissed Soonyoung like he had been dying too all night. All it took was the small turn of his head and he did it.

 

Soonyoung’s lips are the softest he’d ever experienced and something distinctly tastes sweet about them but surely they taste just like he’d expected from Soonyoung. It’s overwhelming in the best possible way. His stomach is doing flips and somersaults just from the simple touching of lips but he doesn’t even mind. He’s wanted this so badly and he’s finally got the courage to do so. Nothing tastes sweeter than that. 

 

It’s just a simple kiss, a relatively innocent one at that. Soonyoung doesn’t kiss him back but he doesn’t pull away either. Just the brushing of his lips upon the other male’s own for this one time is enough to satisfy Seokmin. He pulls away with a bit of a shy smile on his face but he’s proud of himself. 

 

Soonyoung’s eyes stay closed for a moment or so after, whether if be in shock or surprise or whatever. But when he realizes that Seokmin really did that and they actually kissed there’s a slow smile spreading on his face as he blinks a few times to come to terms with things. It’s so adorable that Seokmin has to let out a soft laugh just from watching him.

 

One of Soonyoung’s hands raises to his own cheek somewhat in disbelief, as if he’s trying to cover his pinkening cheeks from being too visible. “Wow, that was….” He pauses for a moment as his lips open and close as if he’s struggling with finding out the right words, only to ends up giving up along the way and laughing a little along with Seokmin. “I’ve never kissed another guy before.” 

 

As he ends up confessing this, Seokmin turns to him with wide eyes. That was rather unexpected and completely off his previous judgments. Surely Soonyoung was his first time kissing another boy too but he was almost sure the other had experience. 

 

“But I liked it.” Soonyoung speaks up quickly to make sure he doesn’t get the wrong idea, but this time there’s more of a playful smile on his lips rather than a slightly embarrassed one.. Seokmin, who had been very surprised at first is now much more comforted by this. At least he’s open to it and there were no awkward lines crossed.

 

Seokmin knows that he has to leave now, so he shoots a hopeful smile in the other’s direction as he starts to rise up from the bench. “I just wanted to say that I had a lot of fun with you too, Soonyoung. Let’s do it again sometime?” 

 

There’s a beautiful grin on Soonyoung’s face as he nods in response and Seokmin’s heart wants to soar. “Promise me?” 

 

“Of course.” 

 

And Seokmin then leaves it at that. 

 

On the bus ride home, Seokmin feels a bit bittersweet knowing that he won’t see Soonyoung again until next year but he’s happy for now. He knows all too well that they’ll go back to their own school lives all over again. Things won’t be the same. It was the excitement of going on a school trip that made them do things that they normally wouldn’t do. He’s right in thinking that because when things start to get busy back at home, he stops daydreaming about the time he spent with the other. He’s not starting to forget about Soonyoung, but it’s come to the point where his current life is more important that chasing after some boy who doesn’t even have his phone number. 

 

The next year at competition, there’s a bit of excitement in knowing that he can meet Soonyoung again but he doesn’t have any high hopes of anything happening between the two of them. The time that passed by without any contact did something for extinguishing some of his feelings towards the other. He’s able to approach Soonyoung as a friend when they run into each other and Soonyoung greets him with a kind smile and a warm hug as well. 

 

But this time, Soonyoung has a girlfriend. He’s can tell that he’s really into her and she seems like a really nice girl for him as well. It hurts a little bit to know that he doesn’t even have a chance at anything with Soonyoung now, especially after finally being reunited after a whole year of wondering, but he had been preparing his heart all year not to get too attached all along. 

 

Seokmin never exactly forgot about Soonyoung but eventually he stopped thinking about him so often. Then he eventually stopped thinking about him at all. It was just a fact of life that they would grow apart when they lived such separate lives and he understood that.

 

Even though Seokmin might have been perfectly fine with it, destiny seemed to have other plans for them though. 

 

On the first day of his theatre arts class in college, Seokmin was yet again put into the place of a nervous freshman student who could only wonder if he’d fit in with his new cast and whether they’d like him or not. He’s always been one for self confidence but it was still difficult to make the first step into a room of talented older students, especially with many of those students being one’s he’s admired from competitions of years before. He throws all caution to the wind again and just opens the door to take that chance all over again- to go after what he really wanted. 

 

A series of heads curiously turn in his direction. One of them is Soonyoung. And this time he’s only greeted with that kind smile for only a few seconds before the other male is up out of his seat to crush him in a tight hug. 

 

“Seokkie, what are you even doing here?!” The overjoyed male asks out in complete disbelief but his smile is wider than Seokmin has seen in a long time. “I didn’t even know you were going to apply to this school!” 

 

Seokmin is certainly in a lot of shock from seeing Soonyoung here as well. He never knew what college he went to after he graduated and stopped showing up at competitions because he was out of the high school league. But even though he’s finding it hard to believe that they ended up at the same university, he can only think more about how right it feels to have Soonyoung’s arms wrapped around him like this. There’s that electricity all over again. 

 

Soonyoung might have left his life for a little while, but now he’s back again and he’ll stay here for good. 

 

It’s just up to Seokmin to go any take a chance on him all over again.

  
  
  


/ / Mingyu 

 

Mingyu has always been one to let out his emotions at all times. Whether they be good or bad feelings, he’s preferred to live like an open book to himself and the people around him. He’s been called naive in the past, or immature for living so honestly and wearing his heart on his sleeve. Mingyu doesn’t seem to find anything wrong with living this way though. If he likes something, then he shows it. If he hates something, he’ll say it outright. It’s just as simple as that. People may say that it’s easy to read into Kim Mingyu because he’s always so expressive, but he wishes that were the case all of the time. When it comes to his feelings about Wonwoo, even Mingyu himself doesn’t have any clue when it started and no one else seems to know either. 

 

Mingyu doesn’t know the pacing of how people fall in love. He’s loved before and fell in and out of loud a few times in the past due to his tendencies to get attached too easily. Like mentioned before, Mingyu wears his love on his sleeve. He’s got too much love for anyone and everyone. This leads to him getting hurt a lot due to jumping into situations a little too soon based on affection alone, but Mingyu can’t help himself. His heart is too big and he just wants to share it with everyone he cares about. But sharing his heart with Jeon Wonwoo took almost two years. He fell for him slowly, with the most gentle and cautious of paces but he still fell for him so deeply. 

 

Wonwoo had always interested him. Mingyu had countless amounts of friends anywhere he went since he was so open to talking with everyone and found socializing easy. He wouldn’t say he was popular, but people just liked to gather around him because he was so bright and positive about everything, plus wearing his emotions on his sleeve meant he was generally an extrovert and people were drawn to his open personality. Wonwoo was almost his complete opposite. He kept to himself just because he liked to. He didn’t talk anymore than necessary and never tried to stretch himself to fill empty silences in conversations. It was so refreshing to be around Wonwoo because he didn’t even have to try. 

 

Mingyu was fascinated by Wonwoo when they first met. His new roommate was so different than him that he loved asking about the things he liked and disliked, his hobbies, things about his past, basically everything. Mingyu was interested by it all. Although Wonwoo wasn’t one to talk much, Mingyu liked the rare moments where Wonwoo would spill his inner thoughts out and he’d say some of the smartest things that got Mingyu thinking about them for hours on end. Wonwoo had a brilliant mind and often spoke about things Mingyu had never even considered learning about before. He loved to sit and listen to him talk for hours on the balcony that they shared their mornings on together. 

 

Wonwoo is also a bit peculiar. He’s unlike anyone Mingyu had ever met out of his endless number of friends and acquaintances. He’s got a few habits and behaviors that don’t really make sense from Mingyu’s perspective, but he’s trying his hardest to learn them all and figure out what makes Wonwoo most comfortable while they live together. One of these habits is that sometimes Wonwoo really need alone time in order to focus on his studies or his newest passion of writing stories and poems in his journal. They’ve known each other for more than a year at this point, so Mingyu has learned not to feel too discouraged if Wonwoo politely tells him that he’d prefer to be alone.

 

As he peeks his head into their shared room after returning home from his own classes, Mingyu notices that today Wonwoo has a few of his already filled journals scattered over his bed. It’s a bit different to see them all pulled out at once, but he doesn’t exactly question it as he discards his backpack on his own bed and makes his way over for a look. Wonwoo greets him with a smile so he takes that as an invitation to interrupt him for today. 

 

“Reading through your old journals?” 

 

“Not exactly.” Wonwoo has a bit of a smile on his as he shakes his head back and forth. “I’m going through some of the old pages and trying to decide if I should decorate them more with pictures to make them look better.”

 

Mingyu tries to lean down a bit and take a look at what the elder is currently drawing. There’s some type of flower plant stretching up the page around one of his self composed poems or song lyrics, but it’s still a little bit hard to make out. Either way, he’s interested and wants to see more. “Mind if I sit next to you and join?” 

 

At this point in their relationship, Wonwoo doesn’t have to think much before allowing Mingyu to come into close physical contact. Their hands are allowed to brush sometimes and their sides are allowed to press up against each other if they’re sitting, but other than that Mingyu purposely doesn’t try to initiate any skinship because he doesn’t want to cross any boundaries. Currently they’re limited to accidental touches but Wonwoo is starting to pull away less and less. 

 

Wonwoo nods in acceptance and scoots over sideways a bit until they both have enough room to comfortably lay across the mattress. They’re touching a little because the bed is too small for the both of them but Wonwoo doesn’t even seem to stiffen up when Mingyu inches closer to make sure he doesn’t fall off. 

 

“Why don’t you start with…hm,” Wonwoo pauses to contemplate for a second before passing over a rather worn and well used journal to Mingyu with a smug grin on his face. “This is from senior year in high school. I’m sure there will be a lot of fun teenage angst to work with.” 

 

Mingyu laughs a bit and accepts the journal carefully from his hands like it’s a treasure. It’s warm pages and bent cover show that a lot of thought and dedication was put into filling it completely and Mingyu is touched that Wonwoo trusts him with it. Not only does he trust his drawing skills to add some nice pictures, but the fact that Wonwoo trusts him with his secrets from years before is something that means a lot to him. Wonwoo fills his journals with personal entries along with all of his other creative talents and there’s a part of Mingyu that feels like this is only a subtle invitation from Wonwoo to come a little closer. 

 

Mingyu gets to read Wonwoo’s works sometimes. If his roommate gets a particularly rough writer’s block sometimes Mingyu will actually annoy him enough to talk about his intentions behind the story and open up a discussion that helps him to continue writing. It had started off with Mingyu just being too stubborn and curious to not read Wonwoo’s writing but now it’s more of a mutual thing they work on together. He’s never been given an actual journal before. 

 

He’s seen a few pages here and there of Wonwoo’s current journal when he walks in on him updating a page but there’s never been a time where he was given a whole book of entries to discover. Mingyu can already feel the anticipation as he turns to the first pages and reads some poetic entry to the journal. He’s getting a peek into Wonwoo’s world, the one that he’s been so fascinated by and always wanted to learn more of. 

 

“Just promise me you won’t laugh, alright?” Wonwoo speaks up as he starts to see Mingyu turning past a few of the first pages. “I know some of those entries are going to be a bit cringey, but those were my real feelings back then. I don’t want to change or erase them.” 

 

Mingyu doesn’t tear his eyes away from the book but he speaks to Wonwoo very seriously. “Why would I even want to laugh? This book is about all of your most inner thoughts at a really important time in your life. I’m lucky you’re even letting me get to know about you this closely.” 

 

He can’t see the expression on Wonwoo’s face because they’re not exactly facing each other, but he feels Wonwoo’s shoulder somewhat tense up as he struggles to find words. “Well… you know I don’t really have any secrets. There’s nothing I’m ashamed of or want to hide. But it is really personal so… I guess I trust you with all of it.” 

 

Wonwoo has never outright referred to him as a friend. Not even as an important person in his life or someone he sincerely cares about other than just a roommate. This is the first time in maybe a whole year that he’s ever been acknowledged by the other. Mingyu’s heart tightens in his chest in a way he can’t necessarily explain and he feels warmth envelop over his whole body. 

 

Mingyu steals a glance at the person he’s so fascinated by. He only has to turn his head a little bit to the side to catch Wonwoo’s side profile, but it takes a lot of courage from his own part to look at Wonwoo when his feelings are being stirred up like this. The male’s fingers are focused on drawing something along the margins of the pages and his eyes are locked onto his work but there’s a small smile that lingers on the corners of his lips. Mingyu doesn’t know what it means. 

 

He has to clear his throat somewhat in order to find his voice again. He’s quite flustered after admiring Wonwoo so openly like this after continuously pushing his urges towards the older male away. “You… You really trust me?” Mingyu asks out uncertainly as if he doesn’t even know the answer himself. That’s how things were with Wonwoo. If he didn’t ask, he wouldn’t know what the other was really thinking at all. 

 

He watches the way Wonwoo’s finger stops moving the colored pencil and tear it away from the page as he purses his lips. Wonwoo swallows to himself slowly as if to give himself more time to think about how he wants to answer. But then Wonwoo turns to him and lets their eyes meet, offering a small and slightly hesitant nod in his direction. “You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met, Mingyu. I want to trust you and let you know more about me.” 

 

As they lock eyes and Mingyu gets the answer he very much wanted, his smile is wide and happy but slightly bashful as well. He has to avert his own eyes from Wonwoo’s dark orbs because something about his stare makes him nervous if he looks too long. While grabbing a colored pencil of his own, he starts to add some detail into the pages of Wonwoo’s journal to distract himself. 

 

“Hey, Wonwoo…” Mingyu starts off after a few moments of silence pass over and he manages to talk himself out of his nervousness. “If you think that you can trust me, what else do you think about me?” 

 

His voice comes out more soft and uncertain that he ever is, but Wonwoo can only make him this way.  He just feels so small in front of someone like him. Wonwoo is just that fascinating to him. 

 

He almost thinks that Wonwoo didn’t hear him correctly because quite a long time passes and he still doesn’t say anything. But when he glances over to Wonwoo to ask his question again, the older male stops biting down on his lip and just lets his thoughts loose. 

 

“I think you’re an important person to me.” 

 

This time Wonwoo doesn’t look away first after saying this. He’s staring at Mingyu so intently that it’s making him get nervous all over again but there’s a rush when they’re like this. After countless moments of avoiding feelings and walking circles around each other, Mingyu likes the validation he’s receiving from Wonwoo now. 

 

“Why?” 

 

“When you show so much interest in me, it makes me feel like you really care about me.” 

 

Now the tips of Wonwoo’s ears a flushing as he says this. Mingyu won’t tease him about it because he only knows that will make Wonwoo regret speaking with him so honestly like this. He doesn’t want to make him any more nervous so he pretends he doesn’t notice. Instead, he smiles at Wonwoo like he means the whole world to him and hopes that will be enough to convey some of his appreciation towards their progress. 

“Because I do care about you, Wonwoo. You’re important to me too.” 

 

Along with his sweet words, he lets his head tip to the side to land on Wonwoo’s shoulder. He waited patiently for Wonwoo to stiffen up or make any move that would somehow push him away, but he got nothing. Slowly, Wonwoo returns to drawing and lets his own head slightly rest on Mingyu’s own. 

  
  


. . . . . 

 

As if something changed after that day, Mingyu felt like he was starting to understand Wonwoo a lot more than before. Along with the journal that Wonwoo let him decorate that day, he also let him borrow it once in awhile to read in his free time along with all of the other journals. It took Mingyu another half of a year to read through everything. It wasn’t because he was slow at reading or lacked the time. It was just that he really wanted to understand all of the writing that Wonwoo had spend countless hours compiling together. He tried to piece together all of the clues and mysteries of the past to explain for why Wonwoo was the way he was today, with all of the little quirks and behaviors that he had grown to accept from the elder. 

 

Even though he finishes reading all of Wonwoo’s journals that detail the past six years of his life, sometimes Mingyu is left even more confused thinking about Wonwoo than he was before. He doesn’t get why Wonwoo won’t show him affection or why he doesn’t bother to even hug him or pat his head after they share a happy moment together. He doesn’t get how Wonwoo can open himself up with all of these secrets and memories exposed and still not show any particular want in reciprocating anything back. He doesn’t get how sometimes he feels like Wonwoo is starting to like him too but never lets anything happen about it. There’s a lot of things that still don’t make sense to Mingyu. 

 

Then one day he woke up and got a brilliant idea. He wanted to make his own journal. 

 

At first it was a bit difficult to get over the awkwardness of staring out, but he had seen enough of Wonwoo’s writing to get some ideas. He wasn’t so good at writing songs or poetry or even fiction stories, but he had a lot of personal feelings he wanted to express. Over the course of another whole year, he compiled almost a full journal of writing, drawings, pictures, and even an occasional dried flower stuck between the pages. It was a book filled with stories about him coming to terms with his sexuality and about his pent up feelings for Wonwoo and everything that happened in between.  

 

He wasn’t subtle about what he was talking about either. His feelings about wanting Wonwoo to open up to him more and finally let him in were all detailed, along with the direct use on Wonwoo’s name so there would be no confusion whatsoever. After letting their slow and silent love build up for the course of almost two years, now was the time to let out the truth. 

 

Mingyu is a coward when it comes to Wonwoo. He can’t express himself clearly around him and only him alone. He waits for Wonwoo to leave for school before he leaves his journal placed right on top of Wonwoo’s bed. Usually he returns for school an hour before Mingyu does so certainly he’ll be able to react to it before Mingyu comes home. 

 

Except Mingyu doesn’t exactly come home. He hates to admit it, but he’s horribly nervous about somehow getting pushed away by Wonwoo again. It’s happened a few times in the past, but there’s something about this time that he’s absolutely sure will break his heart if things go wrong between them. Mingyu just decides he doesn’t really want to be home right now so he turns off his phone and wanders around the city of Seoul to distract himself with things he knows will take his mind off things. He goes shopping with Minghao and eats at his favorite restaurant, along with watching a movie and even walking around late at night to eat some street food. It’s a distraction but he’s not distracted enough not to put off going home. 

 

It’s sometime past midnight when he decides to finally return back to the apartment. He’s so nervous that he actually feels a little sick but he has every reason to be so. He literally just put all of his secrets onto paper and handed them to the person he cares about most. Feeling nervous now would be an understatement for anyone. 

 

He unlocks the door as quietly as he can in order not to wake anyone (Wonwoo) up and even goes to the point of trying to kick off his shoes without any sound as he sneaks into the apartment. He feels a little ridiculous for creeping around like some kid trying to discover santa on christmas without his parents finding out or something, and he actually laughs a bit in his head about how stupid this all is. But then he sees Wonwoo sitting on the couch like he’s actually waiting for him, with the journal resting in his hands and open at the last page. All of the blood in Mingyu’s head immediately rushes to his toes and he’s actually lightheaded when Wonwoo looks up at him. 

 

Why did he even do this if he knew he couldn’t handle it? 

 

But then he touches the last couple pages of the book with a peculiar smile on his face, one that looks a mix between rather amused and also quite sentimental. “You forgot the last few pages. They’re all empty. Were you intending on me to fill them for you?”

 

Mingyu is kind of paranoid because Wonwoo is smiling at him and that’s not what he was expecting at all. He even has to blink a few times in disbelief before he stutters out. “W-what?” 

 

“Do you want me to fill in the rest of the pages for you or give you an answer instead?” 

 

Mingyu is just kind of standing there and staring there like an idiot but he manages to shrug a bit in response. When Wonwoo just chuckles under his breath and starts to rise up from the couch to approach him, Mingyu physically takes a step back in order to protect himself from what is to come. 

“I guess that means I’ll have to give you an answer some other way if you don’t want it in either words or writing…” Wonwoo trails off for a moment in his words as he tips his head to the side slightly in thought for a moment, but there’s a new type of smile that Mingyu has never really seen from him before. Why is he smiling like that? Why is he looking so intently like that? Why are the tips of his ears getting pink again. There’s so many questions in Mingyu’s head that are swirling around in his head that he almost doesn’t realize what comes next. 

 

Wonwoo approaches him and wraps two arms around his middle, his head pressing against his shoulder as he angles himself to fit against Mingyu’s body more closely. It’s a bit awkward at first. There’s no way it wouldn’t be awkward with the two of them. But once Wonwoo comes to terms with the way the physical contact feels and he doesn’t exactly thinks he hates it, he smiles smugly to himself and looks up at Mingyu from where he’s nuzzled into his shoulder. “Hug me, Mingyu.” 

 

That was the answer he had been looking for in their slow paced, silent love. 

  
 

 

 


	30. minghao, chan, seungkwan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the next bonus chapters will focus on a few members of the group and reveal some of the backstories that take place over the course of our twenties, in the past, future, or present.
> 
> after each character's story is revealed, vernon and seungkwan's story will be back for the conclusion.
> 
> this chapter includes : minghao, chan, & seungkwan.

/ / Minghao 

 

Minghao doesn’t exactly have a dream. Maybe that’s the curse of growing up with rich parents and getting everything he’s ever wanted handed to him. Minghao truly grew up as a spoiled child and there’s no denying that. Although he is horribly spoiled by his parents who just happen to adore him a little too much, he realizes how blessed he is to live the life he does and will be forever grateful to his parents because of that… but having all that money isn’t exactly everything it seems to be. 

 

Minghao does well in school just because he wants to, but he knows that even if he was a horrible student his parents wouldn’t even care in the least. They’d encourage him to pursue another talent or aspiration on a whim, and Minghao has. He’s been able to chase after everything he’s ever wanted to succeed in just because he has the financial backing of his parents to lean on. It’s actually because he can have anything he wants that there’s nothing he’s really missing out on. He’s already experienced everything he ever wanted to. He doesn’t exactly have a dream because he just lives doing whatever he wants on a whim. With the swipe of a credit card, everything is instantly his. 

 

He wanted to be an actor, so he did that. Instagram model? He practically became one overnight. Becoming a stylist? Already ccomplished that one too. And when wanted to start his own clothing line? He drew up some samples and sent them off only to be made and ready by the next day. 

 

There’s never any consequences in Minghao’s safe life. There’s never any losses or missed chances, no room to mess up or make an error in anyway. Money and social standings are kind of funny things in life. They’re practically like a barrier that keep you from failing, an imaginary wall that protects you from all of the suffering and danger in life. All that he had to do to receive this luxury was simply to be born into his perfect family. He never even had to try. 

 

Part of what’s funny about Minghao not having any particular dream is that he managed to fall in love with someone who had a dream so large, he could probably shake up the whole world and universe based on that passion alone. 

 

Junhui was his stubborn little dream catcher.

 

In his daily routine, Minghao doesn’t really have much to do. He’s going to be starting university soon for fashion design, but he never really has to work or worry about paying for anything because his parents simply assist on spoiling him… even though he’s already nineteen. It might be their reward for finally agreeing to attend college but Minghao much prefers to make his own money. He invested some money in his friend’s club, as well as bringing in ad revenue from all of his social accounts, and sometimes he attends public events or does product placements on his insta. Either way, Minghao is able to bring in a lot of money  without much work because he already had money to lean back on before. The rich only get richer and he’s evidence of that. 

 

As of lately though, Minghao hasn’t really been spending much time at his friend’s club or going to any events. All of  those social activities have become a little boring ever since Junhui’s moved in with him. He’d much rather spend time at home now that he’s got someone to spend it with. Even doing the most domestic of things seem so much more fun with Junhui around, so they get lost in cooking dinner together, or simply watching movies in bed and sneaking kisses to each other in between all the boring parts. 

 

As much as they’re happy living together, that doesn’t exactly mean that there aren’t hard times as well. 

 

Junhui is not only physically exhausted with his training, but the mental exhaustion brings him to to the point where he’s too tired to even function sometimes. He’s been training at the company for a few months now but his body just can’t seem to adjust to the never ending hours of relentless practice. Minghao knows they’re working him to near death on purpose just to test his limits and stamina only to see if he’s in it for the long run, but he still thinks it’s a rather high price to pay just for the slim chance to debut. On days like this, the elder can only manage to sit down on the couch to take off his shoes before he’s already falling asleep.

 

Minghao chuckles a bit because it’s very much like Junhui to find a way to sleep while still sitting up, but he still approaches him in the quietest of motions to take care of him without somehow waking him up. It’s a bit difficult to maneuver the male into more of a sleeping position, but eventually Minghao succeeds in this and leaves Junhui to rest after draping a soft blanket over his form. 

 

Minghao fell in love with the distant look in Junhui’s eyes when they were high school students, when all of their friends took turns discussing their dreams one day. His eyes were of rich black color but they still had a hidden sparkle within, resembling a young boy with all of his dreams lined out ahead of him and nothing but pure hope leading him on to chase after them. These days it’s becoming a bit hard to find that dazzling gleam behind the heavily eyelids that are forced down by the exhaustion of holding onto that dream, but Minghao knows it’s still in there somewhere. 

 

He lets out a sigh as he steps away from Junhui in order to grab the gym bag that the other left carelessly by the door. There’s a part of Minghao that’s become slightly frustrated by the way the company is treating Junhui, faltering between the lines of debuting him or not debuting him. It’s definitely something he could fix if he interfered with a large sum of money but Junhui would never let him, let alone ever forgive him for doing so. Minghao feels a little helpless sometimes because there’s nothing he can really do to help Junhui make his dream come true any faster. He’s just stuck on the sidelines picking up the pieces that Junhui leaves behind. Like his laundry.

 

Because Minghao has almost all of the free time in the world, he likes to spend some of that time taking care of his little dream chaser. 

 

He can only do the little things. Whether it might be throwing the other male’s laundry in the machine to wash, preparing their meals, or even packing Junhui’s bag with all of the essentials he’ll need for the next day, it never seems like a chore for Minghao. He doesn’t look at it like it’s his duty for being a best friend or even as a boyfriend either. Minghao does it because it’s the only thing that he really can do to help Junhui succeed. At this point in their relationship it’s more like they're working towards this goal together. If he himself gives up halfway, there’s no way Junhui could do it all on his own. 

 

As for tonight, Minghao doesn’t wake Junhui up even when his clothes are washed and dried. He doesn’t wake him up even after he folds them nicely and puts them back where they belong in his own room because he ends up tidying up a few of the messed up items while he’s there as well. Then he moves into the kitchen that’s already been cleaned from having most of his days off, where he’ll prepare a meal for the two of them. He ends up choosing a soup that’s one of Junhui’s personal favorites and he’s learned by heart to memorize the recipe. It takes quite a long time to prepare but it doesn’t really matter because Junhui probably won’t wake up anytime soon anyways.

 

During particular days like this when Junhui doesn’t even have enough time to take care of himself properly, Minghao doesn’t end up regretting a thing. It’s hard sometimes because he cares about Junhui too much and all of the pressures from not succeeding fast enough frustrate things, but it’s never too hard for either of them to give up yet. But at the same time, there’s still a part of Minghao that wishes things could be simple again for two of them sometimes, when all of these dreams were just some youthful placeholder dream for something more suited for reality to replace them later on. When they were students they didn’t have to worry about things like this. But then again- Minghao always kind of knew that Junhui was truly meant for something special. He wasn’t suited for any of the simple dreams out there. 

 

Minghao finds himself reminiscing about their time as students. He had all of the time in the world to spend with Junhui and it was a bit of an understatement to say he was completely smitten with the other. They were one grade apart when they attended the same high school, which meant they didn’t run into each other often but Junhui had a special way of popping up in his daily life just because he wanted to say hi sometimes. Minghao always looked forward to the days when Junhui would sneak away from his own friends and pull him towards the rooftop to eat lunch. Or the little text messages that the elder sent for him like  _ ‘go to the bathroom now’  _ would always end up with Junhui waiting outside his classroom, pouty and needy for attention and demanding of a walking partner. Even though the elder liked to talk about the drama in his own life and barely stopped rambling to ask about Minghao’s own life, there was something exciting just about being around Junhui. 

 

It was clear from the way that he was always praying for Junhui to loop his arm around his own while they were walking that he developed some sort of crush for his best friend. On the perfectly sunny days they ate their lunch on the rooftop, the weight of Junhui’s head plopping down to rest on his shoulder became everything to him. When Junhui spontaneously let him know he was waiting outside his classroom, Minghao would rush out of his classroom a little too excitedly to enwrap the elder in a tight hug. He started sliding his hand downwards to rest in Junhui’s own, or he’d drag his lips over the male’s forehead when he found him falling asleep on his shoulder. Minghao had only mustered up the courage to actually kiss Junhui on the night after the other graduated from high school, knowing all too well he wouldn’t have to face him in the hallways if things somehow got weird and ruined their relationship. 

 

There’s a reason why that night was one he’d always remember. 

 

Junhui was as whimsical and spontaneous as they came and he was undoubtedly unlike anyone Minghao had ever met before. That’s why even though all of their friends had gotten together for a graduation dinner party and then all went their separate ways home, Junhui included- he didn’t really find it too much of a surprise for the male to be texting him at 2 in the morning and telling him to let him in because he’s already waiting at the front door. Minghao was already dressed in some pretty unimpressive sweats that played the role of his pajamas and despite knowing Junhui for practically his whole life, he still felt a little shy to let his crush in when he looked like that. Either way, Junhui didn’t seem to even give him a second glance as he pushed past him and made his up to Minghao’s room. 

 

“Can I spend the night here?” Junhui asked before Minghao could even question why he came here in the first place, and without even bothering to hear an answer Junhui was already making his way into his bed and under the covers. Minghao liked Junhui a lot at this point and all of this was kind of getting overwhelming. He’s always wanted to have the other sleep over in his room, and definitely not in any way that resembled their childhood sleepovers. It’s been actual years since they did that and now Minghao dreamed of much different activities with Junhui here. He just wanted to hold him in his arms all night and never let him go but he couldn’t exactly just say that outloud. 

 

As if he thought Minghao was going to ask him for a reason, Junhui pulled the blanket higher over his chin as if to tuck himself in. “It’s my last night as a high school student and I don’t want to let go of that just yet...” He admits a bit quietly as he blinks up and Minghao, who just finds himself sighing because Wen Junhui is being absolutely adorable right now. 

 

There’s no way he could even kick him out if he wanted to. Not only does he physically not have that in him, but he knows Junhui wouldn’t budge anyways. Either way, Minghao is whipped so he ends up taking a hesitant seat down onto the mattress alongside Junhui. He’s kind of nervous about having Junhui over his place so late at night and in his bed, to the point where his palms feel clammy and his heart is skipping while it races erratically in his chest. 

 

Before they can even settle into a comfortable silence, Junhui’s fingers find their way to the sleeve of his sweatshirt and tug on the material. “Hao....” The elder starts out slowly as his dark eyes flicker up to meet his own, with the slightest pout of his lips and a sweet hum in his voice. “Why are you sitting up like that? Come and hug me.” 

 

Junhui has always been rather affectionate. He’s quite needy and likes attention on him at all times, not just from Minghao but from anyone who's willing to give him some. Although it’s a normal thing for them to share skinship with each other, Minghao finds himself feeling a bit selfish for having Junhui all to himself and alone in his room like this. He might be a little guilty for being attracted to his friend much more than he should be, but technically Junhui is asking for this. He can indulge a little today. 

 

As Minghao shifts a bit awkwardly to get into a laying position, Junhui lifts up the blankets for him to slide in next to him. Before he can even get comfortable enough to rest his head alongside the elder’s on the pillow, Junhui’s arms slide around his neck and their bodies melt together in a way that’s felt nothing but natural for years now, but Minghao’s heart is racing much more than usual this time. As his hands move to settle on the small of the other’s back, he knows today is the day when he’ll lay everything on the line. 

 

“What brings you here?” Minghao finds himself asking in order to cover up the sounds of his nervous shuddered breaths that fail to return back to normal even after moments of getting used to the close physical contact. “Feeling insecure about your last day as a student?” 

 

Junhui’s face is currently pressed up against his shoulder in a makeshift pillow and he lets out a tiny groan as Minghao brings the topic up. “Don’t even remind me.” He mumbles out in a way that sounds like he’s certainly pouting to himself still. “After today I’m considered an ‘official adult’ in society. As much as that sounds exciting, I’m only getting nervous about all the responsibilities already.” 

 

Junhui’s overdramatics make him chuckle under his breath like usual, but he doesn’t miss the opportunity to gently pat at the top of his head to comfort him anyways. Junhui can be a bit of a baby when he’s stressed out but it’s more like he just needs a bit of special attention. He won’t be upset for long over the little things. 

 

“You don’t even get it, Hao…” He trails off a bit as he picks at the material of Minghao’s sweatshirt to distract himself. “It’s scary. There’s nobody other than myself who can control my future. Will I make the right choices? Will I end up failing in the end? Will I even be happy if I can achieve everything I want? I feel uneasy thinking about all the possibilities and I can’t sleep because of it.” 

 

As he listens to all of his best friend’s words leave his lips, Minghao cards his fingers through the other’s soft locks of silky black hair in a way that makes all the worries slowly start to fade away and into nothingness. Junhui’s eyelids close under his gentle touches and Minghao swears that he’s never seen anything as beautiful as Wen Junhui. 

 

“You’re thinking too much.” Minghao whispers quietly under his breath in, as if speaking normally would somehow ruin this moment for the two of them. “If there’s anyone in this whole world who could make the greatest things happen based on pure willpower alone, then undoubtedly it would be you.” 

 

A smile forms on Junhui’s face as he sneaks a peek down at him. Even though his hand pushes Minghao’s chest in a way that seems like they’re playfully teasing each other a bit, Minghao knows he appreciates hearing the kind words but doesn’t know how to react to them. 

 

“Hey, you can’t just tell me to stop thinking though...” Junhui responds back to him, eyes trained on Minghao’s sweatshirt alone as he traces a finger over the design on the fabric. “If I stop thinking all together, I’m going to end up becoming a fool like you.” 

 

The words are supposed to distract him. To make him change the subject, or laugh about it and claim he’s not some fool and reverse the friendly insult back onto him. Junhui rarely shows this side of himself. Minghao’s not supposed to see the self consciousness that hides deep down under his overconfident and endlessly bright exterior, but being a best friend means that sometimes he gets to understand Junhui more than he even understands himself. 

 

With the hand that was previously running through the locks of the elder’s hair, he moves to brush those fingers over Junhui’s supple cheek instead and holds onto him so carefully, so preciously, like even the most gentle touch would somehow scare him away from what they were sharing right now.

 

“You’re going to be fine, Junhui. You’re going to more than fine. I’ve never worried about you not even once because I know that if there’s anyone that’s truly capable making something special out of this life, it’s got to be you.” Minghao speaks to him like it’s something he’d practiced for years now and maybe he has. He’s been sure about Junhui ever since the start. “Whatever you end up deciding to pursue after this, you’re going to be absolutely fine, Junhui. I don’t have any doubt in that whatsoever.” 

 

And when Junhui looks up at him after hearing these words he’s sure that the elder is starting to get rather teary eyed. He doesn’t bother to think about that for long though. In order to make extra sure that his words end up reaching the person that’s most important to him, he has to use his actions as well. Just to make sure his feelings are able to reach him. 

 

The feather soft pressing of his fingertips against the other’s cheek are replaced with something a little more certain in themselves. His lips search out to finally connect with Junhui’s own after staying by his side as a simple friend for the last eighteen or so years, and something about touching their lips together for the first time is so unbelievable overwhelming. It’s like he can actually feel fate or destiny rattling inside of his soul, his heart tearing at his ribcage and begging to somehow meet Junhui’s own for just a bit closer of contact. Junhui is right here with him but he’s longing for him so much already. 

 

They’re not exactly kissing. Minghao’s lips happened to press against Junhui’s own and the other didn’t bother to pull away; they’re still touching but they’re not kissing either. It feels so right just to be like this though, just lips upon lips in the most simple of ways. There’s nothing about Minghao’s actions that are tainted with want or ruined by any desires based on his body alone. To put it as simply and make things as pure as possible, there are some things that Minghao can’t use his words to convey so he wants to reach Junhui some other way instead. He loves Junhui with all of his heart and maybe a little touching of souls will be able to prove that. 

 

They stay like that for an amount of time that Minghao isn’t exactly sure about. Their first time kissing is cautious and almost too careful as he would have imagined, but the fact that Junhui also hesitates to respond back is furthermore proof that this means something to him as well. He pulls back from their first contact with a bit of searching in his eyes, questioning to the elder if this is all really okay to do and what not, but after staring at him for just a moment longer, Junhui’s eyelids slide shut again and Minghao moves in to kiss him a second time. 

 

They share a few more kisses that night, all of them just as safe and chaste as the first. Most are initiated by Minghao, but despite keeping a protective guard up when dealing with the younger’s heart, Junhui ends up using the hands that clutch onto his sweatshirt to pull him closer. Minghao feels so needed, so secure and cherished in Junhui’s hold that he might as well sign his heart over to him for the rest of his life. 

 

The passing of time almost feels surreal in a way and eventually they’re just staring at each other as their lips share a few tired but much wanted pecks back and forth. Junhui’s fingers are all over his face, tracing over the soft hairs on his hairline and over every single inch of skin like he wants to memorize it all. Minghao can’t keep his hands to himself either and he’s currently preoccupied with the way his thumb slides over Junhui’s soft pink lips and he’s dreaming about kissing him all over. That’s until Junhui starts speaking again and the fragile illusion between them starts to crumble away. 

 

“I came here tonight because you’re who I needed to hear it from most. You know, to give me that last amount of courage to push me towards my dreams.” Junhui says all of this so certainly it’s as if he’s been thinking it in his head for the last few moments they shared. Minghao’s glad that he told him so he smiles back at him so happily, so innocently, that he couldn’t even think to expect what would ever come next. He never knew what those words would end up meaning in the grand scheme of things to come. 

 

Junhui slowly smiles back at him but there are tears beginning to prickle at the corners of his eyes. Minghao didn’t ask why. He should have. 

 

“Xu Minghao, I’m going to tell you something that I want you to always remember. You better listen up because I’m not going to say it again.” As Junhui speaks to him his hand ends up resting against Minghao’s cheek, cupping it to bring him slightly closer as if they were about to share something important. “No matter what I do, it’s all going to be because of you. You’re going to be the reason why I’m able to be strong and go after everything I’ve ever wanted without even stopping to worry once. It’s you, Xu Minghao. I never want you to forget how important you are to me. No matter what happens, can you promise me that?” 

 

On that day, Minghao could only smile at him and nod a few times in promise as Junhui just pulled him into a tight hug. He was so happy that he didn’t even know better. They stayed like that until they fell asleep shortly after, enwrapped in each other’s embrace completely until the next morning came. Junhui was gone when he woke up. He had been so ignorant, so innocent and so unknowing of reality that he never even saw it coming. 

 

Junhui left. 

 

Junhui wasn’t coming back.

 

Junhui completely disappeared from life itself and Minghao’s heart seemed to leave along with him. 

 

He never even got a goodbye. There were no answers, no explanations, nothing. He was left with absolutely nothing. He didn’t even get a chance to tell Junhui that he loved him. 

 

Minghao didn’t even notice he was planning to leave in the first place. How horrible of a best friend was he? The only way that he knew that Junhui was really gone and never coming back was because Junhui had managed called him the next day. If he didn’t, Minghao would have had no clue that he just up and left the country. 

 

All that Junhui told him was that he was safe, happy, and on the way to pursue the thing he wanted the most. It wasn’t enough to keep Minghao from freaking out though. He completely panicked and begged for Junhui to tell him where in the world he was or to let him know his address just in case something went wrong but Junhui wouldn’t. He was smart enough not to. Minghao knows that he would have immediately dropped out of his last year of high school in order to chase after him and it seems like Junhui knew that all too well too. 

 

They made another promise during that phone call. If Minghao finished his final year with good grades and passed all of his college entry exams, then Junhui would let him know where he went and where he could find him. Although he understood that Junhui was trying to do the best for him, that didn’t hurt his heart from breaking any less. 

 

He still felt betrayed. Junhui had just told him that he was his most important person and yet he still left him here and practically abandoned him without any warning. Even something like ‘ _ hey, i’m gonna leave the country for a little while to find myself _ ’ would have been perfectly fine and understandable. It would have resolved all of the panic that Minghao would have went through simply from not knowing anything. But in the end, he trusted Junhui. If anything, he was only upset because he wanted to be that one person that Junhui would have told about his plan. 

 

Minghao’s first experience with heartbreak is just as painful and critical as he expected. There’s mornings where he’s too upset to bring himself out of bed to go to school for the day, or when he’ll be too distracted in his thoughts to even think about eating or functioning for a week straight. Junhui calls him often but not having his presence around is absolutely devastating for Minghao. He’s so far away now that sometimes Minghao just feels so helpless that he cries until he can’t physically breathe and ends up vomiting from the sheer amount of anxiety he feels. His life is messy, to the point where everything feels like it’s been ruined but somehow he does manage to hang in there and continuously attends school and studies well. After all, Junhui’s still waiting for him on the other side of the phone and he doesn’t want to disappoint him.

 

Minghao keeps his phone filled with all of the voicemails that Junhui leaves for him. Instead of giving any clues about where he is or what he’s doing, he only leaves words of support for Minghao instead. Maybe those were the only things keeping him from locking himself up in his room all year. There’s endless praises for him hanging in there and still continuing his studies, along with an occasional sincere apology for being unable to be there by his side to support him through it all. Minghao’s learning not to feel too bitter about it things anymore but that doesn’t mean that it’s any easier waiting. 

 

On the day of his last exam, Minghao already had his luggage packed before he even arrived to take his test. The anticipation from receiving an upcoming text from Junhui and revealing his location was a lot to deal with but he managed to focus and put in his best effort into his test. He knew he would be rewarded with everything he’s ever wanted soon to come so the least he could do is actually honor the promise he made with Junhui to ace his exams. 

 

Then the text he had been waiting for finally came. Junhui was in South Korea. He had only been a few hours away by plane and Minghao had been thinking he was on the complete other side of the world this whole time. Well, at least it felt like that. Either way, Minghao left school to head straight to the airport and boarded the next possible flight with his heart held on his sleeve all over again.

 

Their reunion wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t like those scenes in the movies where the two pretty leads run towards each other dramatically and carefully embrace each other while silent tears roll down their cheeks. It wasn’t like that at all. As soon as he saw Junhui waiting for him outside, he was so overwhelmed that all of the strength in his legs left his body and he had to clutch onto Junhui with everything he had just to steady himself. All of the hurt and betrayal and loneliness that Minghao had felt towards Junhui over this past year all seemed to unravel all at once and manifest into hot ugly tears. Just as undelicate as his tears were, his hands clutched onto Junhui’s shirt with everything they had to never let go ever again as he stained the other’s shirt with all the snot and tears that came along with his breakdown. 

 

The safe arms that he had so desperately craved for months were wrapped around him finally, and this time they promised never to let go again. “I’m so sorry, Minghao. I’m so so sorry.” Junhui repeated to himself as if it were a mantra, angling his head down to whisper as closely to Minghao’s ear as possible so that his sincere words could somehow reach him more effectively. “I know, I did all of this to you. In making my decision it was inevitable that you’d be hurt. You don’t have to forgive me, but I swear this is the last time, Xu Minghao. I’m never going to hurt you again and I’m so so sorry that I did this.” 

 

Minghao could hear the sincerity in his voice, the way his normally confident and positive tone was completely lost and replaced with something more shaky and unsure of himself, almost as if he was just as young and inexperienced about all of this like he was. If anything, this only made Minghao cry even more as the other male’s fingers trembled as they stroked his hair in an attempt at comfort. All of their feelings for each other were still there. Right where they had left them last time. 

 

Somehow Junhui had managed to hail a taxi in the meantime. Minghao hadn’t noticed because he couldn’t manage to look up from his hold on Junhui’s sweater this whole time. But then when Junhui patted him on the back softly and signaled him that it was time to leave, his hand slipped into the one that was waiting for him. As soon as they sat down in the taxi and closed the divider from the driver, Junhui burst into his own episode of dramatic ugly crying. 

 

Now that Minghao thinks back about the memory, he can’t help but to laugh about how horrible everything must have looked for all of those poor people in the airport who had to witness them. The whole car ride back to Junhui’s place consisted of the elder dramatically clutching Minghao’s face between his two hands and wiping all of his tears away while sobbing out an endless amount of apologies. Then Minghao was also pretty sure he ended up clutching Junhui’s face back and assured him that he forgives him and there’s never going to be any hard feelings between them about this ever again. Halfway through the car ride they both realize they’re complete fools and end up laughing through their tears about how stupid they must look and sound right now. 

 

Times were still a little hard back then because they still had a lot of things to figure out about themselves but eventually things fell back into the same place they were before. Except maybe things were a bit better actually. Minghao finally found what had been missing for him this whole time, and that was the little piece of his heart that he had given to Wen Junhui without the other even knowing he did so. Now, of course he knows that he’s won over his heart but Minghao doesn’t feel any less content about spoiling Junhui with those three little words as much as he possibly can. 

 

Oh-  that reminds him. 

 

The dinner that he had prepared for tonight is finally finished so he sets the table for the two of them and finds his way back to the laundry machines, pulling out freshly washed and still warm pajamas out of the dryer. He doesn’t rush in order to give Junhui the last few minutes to add onto the end of his nap but in the end he can’t really stop himself from approaching the sleeping form on the couch. 

 

He kneels by Junhui’s side for a moment with a soft smile on his face, just pausing to admire him a little more before gently placing his hand into the elder’s own. Even though he’s surely still asleep, Junhui unconsciously gives his hand a squeeze anyways and Minghao finds himself chuckling under his breath about it. While grasping on his hand more securely this time, Minghao leans over him to brush a stray strand of hair out of the male’s handsome face. “Junhui, it’s time to wake up.” He whispers to him softly with lips that brush over the shell of his ear so carefully, with a gentle kiss pressed to his cheek just to assure him of his presence. 

 

Junhui whines a little bit but only finds his hand sliding more comfortably into Minghao’s own so that their fingers now intertwine. “Give me five more minutes please.”

 

Junhui is as stubborn as always. He’s resolute in keeping his eyes shut to get in those last few minutes of sleep, but Minghao lets out a soft and happy chuckle from how much he’s grown to adore how determined Junhui is about everything. He doesn’t even move much when Minghao decides he wants to place a trail of ghosting butterfly kisses down his jawline and that usually takes some serious restraint. 

 

Either way, Minghao knows a way that he can get Junhui to wake up instead of sleeping the whole rest of the night away. 

 

“Wen Junhui.”

 

“Hm?” 

 

“I love you.” 

 

Junuhi opens his eyes suddenly and peeks over his shoulder a bit to sneak a glance at Minghao, who is still kneeling by the side of the couch and waiting for him. “I love you too…” He replies back a bit quietly, as if the words are still as surprising to hear as they were the first time but then the slightly flustered smile that forms on his face is enough to convince Minghao that he really likes hearing them. He turns away again rather quickly, but he’s still got Minghao’s hand clutched within his own. “...Can I still have five more minutes though?” 

 

Xu Minghao might be considered a bit strange for not necessarily having a dream to pursue but after all, he’s holding onto his own little dream chaser and he doubts he’ll never be letting go ever again.

  
  
  


/ / Chan 

 

Chan never really understood why his own group of friends found it weird that he mostly hung out with the group of college students who lived just a few floors up from him. When his friends gathered around the lunch table in between their classes and shared their plans for the weekend, they often picked on him a little bit when he said he planned to hang out with Jeonghan yet again. His friends would tease him for being a little too attached to Jeonghan with some type of school boy crush, as if just seeing each other all the time in the apartment hallways wasn’t enough for Chan to get his fix. 

 

Chan knew their teasing about his close relationship with Jeonghan was just meant to be some light hearted jokes to get reaction from him. They think it’s funny to tease him about falling for Jeonghan because of the male’s more effeminate features, and despite being straight they accuse Chan of ‘going gay’ for only him. His school friends only wanted to mess around with him a little bit because that’s the just way that high school boys are but that doesn’t mean he really appreciates their jokes. As much as Chan likes his own group of friends, he finds himself feeling a disinterested by their immature actions sometimes. That’s probably why he continuously finds himself hanging out with the college group instead. 

 

People have always commented that Chan doesn’t seem to fit in with the rest of his peers. They assume that he has an attitude problem because he doesn’t smile a lot, or they think he’s a bad student because he doesn’t speak up much at all in class. In Chan’s opinion, they’ve got it all wrong. He personally believes that he comes off as a bit misunderstood because he doesn’t really enjoy attending school at all. Chan’s smarter than most so he finds the pace of the curriculum excruciatingly boring. His classmates are fine and whatever but he doesn’t have any particular interest in any of the same things as them. At this point, attending high school and socializing with people he’s impartial to is starting to feel like a chore. 

 

It’s not that Chan thinks he’s better than anyone he goes to school with though. He’s just indifferent to everyone. Being stuck in the same school for four year with people he never really grew to like is starting to wear down on him. It’s starting to feel like he’s a robot going through every day like some kind of mechanical routine; to fake a smile at the acquaintances he passes in the halls, or to suck up to his teachers with an even faker laugh at their cheesy jokes just for a chance at a better grade. His mind is the only thing that’s left sentient, to strive for something different and just break out of here already. It’s incredibly frustrating but there’s nothing he can really do about it. Except wait for graduation, that is. 

 

Chan’s got a horrible case of teen angst these days. His mother always liked to claim that he had an old soul and acted far too mature for his age and as much as he would just brush off her comments as some kind of joke, he’s starting to believe her these days. He’s not sure exactly when it started but before he knew it, he had developed a bit of a pessimistic attitude towards his life and all of the mundane things within it. It’s not like he’s depressed or wants to die or anything serious like that, but he’s definitely more cynical than most. Perhaps because he feels so stuck in his current situation, he only pushes himself towards making bad decisions in hopes to stir something exciting up. 

 

To go back into the past, Chan really thinks his first meeting with Jeonghan had been one of those so called ‘bad decisions’. 

 

Chan had picked up the habit of smoking. It really didn’t mean too much since more than half of the boys in his grade had tried cigarettes before but unlike them, Chan’s experience with smoking wasn’t exactly just a quick one time thing. In freshman year he snuck off with a group of junior classmates into the school’s bathroom to take turns smoking a pack through an open window. He was young and a fresh fifteen years old, still quite impressionable and trying to fit in with anyone who seemed more interesting than the rest of freshman babies in the school. Originally he only did so to gain acceptance within the group but even after deciding that fitting in wasn’t exactly his thing, he kept up the habit for some reason. The smoke made his eyes sting and his throat always felt scratchy but at least it was better than feeling nothing at all. 

 

About a year later he grew used to smoking a few cigarettes over the course of a day. The only problem with this is that he’s underage and has to rely on other people to buy his packs for him. Chan doesn’t exactly like to hang around other people too much so his options are extremely limited these days. With no close friends at his disposal he’s forced to approach strangers. 

 

On a cold autumn afternoon in his second year of highschool, he notices a few guys standing around the entrance to his apartment complex. There’s a rather tough looking guy smoking along with what Chan assumes to be another guy, although this one has long blonde hair that rests a bit lower than his shoulder and flutters around every time the wind blows. Chan probably wouldn’t have approached the taller one because frankly he looks like he hangs out with a bad crowd but having the pretty blonde in his presence seems to make the tough one’s eyes crinkle up in little cute crescents when he leans in to say something. They look harmless enough. 

 

“Hey, would one of you mind to buy me a pack?” Chan asks as he makes his way over to them, pulling a lump of crinkled dollar bills out of his pockets to show that he’s willing to pay. “I lost my ID card.” 

 

The guy with the rather thick and scary looking eyebrows raises one up at him and laughs under his breath. “You sure you lost your ID, kid? It seems like you’re just tryna get someone legal to buy you cigs.” 

 

The long haired blond guy seems to snicker or something like that and ends up swatting at the taller guy’s jacket. “Cheol, who even cares if he’s underaged? You started smoking when you were like  _ fourteen _ . Go and buy him his pack.” 

 

“But that’s like... illegal!” The guy that Chan only knows as Cheol now responds back rather dramatically. “What if he’s a narc and we get arrested?” 

Blondie- that’s what Chan decides on for the other, just rolls his eyes. “Are you kidding me? He’s clearly like sixteen or something. He’s clearly old enough to know that smoking is dangerous but if he wants to do it anyways, then cheers to that. Go and get him his smokes.” 

 

“But why do  _ I _ have to do it?” 

 

“Because I don’t want to walk the whole way over there so you’re going to do it.” The shorter one replies back with a rather confident look on his face as he seems to shut the other one up for now. “And while you go and get those, bring us back some candy bars or chips or something! Oh, actually a cherry slush! Use the kid’s money, it’s our reward for buying for him.” 

 

With this, the guy that Chan would eventually learn to be Seungcheol, a.k.a Jeonghan’s bitch, would end up walking over to the convenience store without another word to obtain the cigarettes. That left Chan and Blondie waiting on the other side of the sidewalk rather awkwardly, with both of them shivering in their fall jackets as a moment of silence took over. 

 

“So, how old are you?” The other male eventually bothers to ask, maybe out of politeness or just pure boredom. Chan watches as he enjoys his own cigarette and the way the light grey puffs of smoke leaving his lips seem to mingle with the chilly air. He’s rather good looking but Chan isn’t feeling any type of way. 

 

“Sixteen.” 

 

“Ah, so I was right.” He smiles again just as confidently as he did a few moments ago. “My name’s Jeonghan by the way. I’m twenty so you can come find me to buy cigarettes for you anytime.” 

 

By the way he’s talking it sounds like he’s just trying to be sarcastic or something but at the same time, it would make things so much easier to find someone he could always hit up to get him his packs. Chan might have to consider actually making Jeonghan a contact in his phone. 

 

“You live here?” Chan asks, tipping his head in the direction of his apartment building. “I’ve lived here my whole life and I never saw you or your friend around before.” 

“We just moved in last month. It’s just me and Seungcheol right now but I think we’re already getting sick of each other. This morning he used my toothbrush for whatever reason and I’m thinking of disowning him.” Jeonghan replies with an amused laugh and Chan actually finds himself laughing along, for real this time. “If you’re ever on the fifth floor come and stop by our place sometime. We could smoke something a lot better than cigarettes and just hang out.” 

 

Chan knows what type of smoking that Jeonghan is implying and he’s honestly a bit intrigued. He’s never tried anything other than cigarettes before so he’s already wondering how it’s going to make him feel. Part of fueling his teen angst is purposely making bad choices just to see what happens. This seems like a pretty damn good idea to combat his looming sense of dissatisfaction towards life. 

 

“Yeah, I’m down.” Chan decides rather resolutely as he looks Jeonghan in the eye. “When are we gonna do this?” 

 

Jeonghan laughs a bit for some reason, as if he can understand that Chan can’t but it doesn’t really bother him too much. “Rather eager, are we now? Listen, I know that you have all these raging hormones that make you want to act out but there’s no need to rush. Just give me your number and I’ll invite you to the next party or something.” 

 

And with that, Chan ended up typing his number into Jeonghan’s phone with a little bit of an excited smile lingering at the corners of his lips. He wasn’t exactly sure what had gotten into him these days, but it was almost like he got a rush just from giving over his number to someone who was still a complete stranger. The other guy, who Chan had nearly forgot about by now, eventually comes back with his smokes and a bunch of snacks that he bought with Chan’s own money. He doesn’t really seem to mind too much. He’s more focused on what kind of interesting situations he’ll get into with these guys now.

 

Jeonghan has his number. Chan doesn’t have any way to contact him or Seungcheol. It was more like he had been hoping for Jeonghan to send him one of those texts like,  _ ‘here’s my number, add me’ _ but he never got anything of the sort. He wonders if the older was just being polite by including him but as much as he tries to reason with things, he really thought Jeonghan was really friendly and genuinely wanted to invite him someday. Maybe after they parted on the day of their first meeting, they realized that Chan was far too young to hang out with. 

 

Chan doesn’t even care that much. He’ll get over it. Either way, he’s just got to get on living with his life and look for the next best thing to distract himself with. He’s almost forgetting about even meeting the two of them until he’s returning home from school one day and ends up literally bumping to Seungcheol. 

 

He’s almost certain that the elder glared at him for a split second before the process of recognition kicked in. “Oh- it’s just you.” Seungcheol shoots a friendly smile in his direction as he struggles to adjust something in his arms. “Mind helping me to open the door? All these bottles weigh a lot.” 

 

Chan glances at what he’s holding and lets out a light chuckle before using his key to unlock it for the both of them. “That’s a lot of beer… what’s the special occasion?” 

 

“Just gonna invite some friends over to watch soccer, hang out a little, whatever else.” Seungcheol replies back with a casual shrug. “You can stop by and join us if you’d like. I’m sure Jeonghan wouldn’t mind.” 

 

Chan replies with a shrug back and decides to join Seungcheol on the way up to his new acquaintance's apartment. It’s not really like he has anything else to do today so he might as well. Usually he just ends up bumming around in his room after school anyways so maybe it would be a change to actually hang out with other people for once. 

 

In all honesty, Chan was feeling a bit proud of himself just moments earlier because he secured an invite over to some cool and interesting senior’s place. Yet once the door is open and he’s welcomed in, there’s a bit of nervous tension that lies in the air. It’s only after he throws his school bag down and kicks off his shoes that he’s starting to have second thoughts about how dangerous this could turn out to be. They’re still complete strangers afterall. 

 

But then there’s Jeonghan. 

 

“Oh my god, it’s you!” Jeonghan practically flies over to him in an instant as soon as he enters the doorway behind Seungcheol. There are warm hands being used to cup his own cheeks between the elder’s own. “You’re the cigarette kid! I was wondering what happened to you!”

 

Chan finds himself laughing a bit at the elder’s overreaction but carefully angles his face out of Jeonghan’s grasp, finding it much too close of physical contact than he was comfortable with. “I’d prefer if you didn’t call me that… how about we stick Chan instead?” 

 

Seungcheol laughs a bit under his breath with the shake of his head. “I knew it was a good idea to invite you. Jeonghan always complains when we watch soccer because he absolutely hates it. At least he’ll have someone to talk to now.” 

 

“See, this is why I had a good feeling about you, kid.” Jeonghan nudges him in the side playfully and grins a bit. “If you don’t like watching soccer either we could always hang out in my room and do something else instead.” Chan can only manage to nod a little before Jeonghan’s looping one arm around his own and dragging him further into the apartment. “Come and meet our friends!” 

 

As much as Chan wanted to think that he was more mature than the rest of the kids in his grade, something about this apartment just reeks of rich college guys living here. There’s an endless collection of alcohol bottles stacked on top of the fridge, a pile of very expensive shoes lining the doorway, as well as what looks like really fine furniture all throughout. Jeonghan and Seungcheol are clearly adults already and he’s completely out of their league. 

 

He’s brought into the living room where a few other guys are lounging around in various relaxed positions. The one placed right up against the TV, Mingyu, is visibly enjoying the game and even has his lips parted open in a small circle in surprise when something exciting happens. There’s another guy fully stretched out on the floor beside him, with only one earbud in but clearly lost in his music. Jeonghan points to him and calls him Jihoon. The last one is near the balcony with his head out of the window, just smoking out into the air while looking down at the street below. Apparently he’s Wonwoo. They all nod and smile a little in his direction but there’s nothing to really say to each other. It’s bit awkward but he doesn’t feel unwelcomed or anything like that.

 

At this point he’s just following Jeonghan to instruct him where to go or what to do. He ends up ushering for him to sit down on the edge of the couch. Chan’s feeling uncomfortable as he sinks down into the cushions, unsure of what to say to the other or if he should keep his eyes locked on the television screen instead. Mingyu lets out a loud cheer as the team scores a goal and Chan visibly jumps a little in his seat. 

 

Seungcheol returns into the room and approaches them with two bottles of beer, which Jeonghan readily accepts and Chan hesitates before reaching out for the other. As if Seungcheol can see some of his apprehension, he lets out a light chuckle. “You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want to. Since you already smoke I’m just assuming that you drink as well. Besides, if you did want to drink I’d rather you do it here with us instead of somewhere less safe.”    
  


Chan has never tried alcohol before. It’s not that he hasn’t thought about it, but he really didn’t seem to find much fun out of seeing people get all wasted and brain dead for no particular reason. It reminds him of all of the losers he has to deal with at school on a daily basis. But these days, Chan is all about trying new things and killing a few of his own brain cells in the process towards forcing himself to become an adult faster. He watches Jeonghan and Seungcheol enjoy their own drinks before he cracks open his own and downs a big swig.

 

And he actually chokes because it tastes like skunk piss.

 

There’s embarrassment flushing on his cheeks as he still coughs a bit and all eyes on the room turn to him, but Jeonghan and Seungcheol are seated on both sides of him and just chuckling affectionately at his rather cute reaction.

 

“You don’t drink it like that. It’s not a shot.” Jeonghan is patting him on the back softly, as if he’s treating him like a baby who’s choking and Chan’s eyes fall down to his lap. “It’s your first time, right? Just drink it slowly and you’ll get used to the taste. Or just don’t drink it, it tastes like shit and no one cares if you drink or not.” 

 

Seungcheol laughs rather fondly as he gets up to find a tissue for him to clean up with. “Well, maybe it’s good that you tried it and hated it. Now we don’t have to worry about you getting into another bad habit.” 

 

Chan doesn’t really say anything. His embarrassment makes an invisible lump form in his throat as he dabs the wetness off his shirt, but once he’s finished he brings the bottle back to his lips yet again and take another long sip. 

 

As if the blond elder can pick up on his apprehension, he leans over a bit in order to forcibly make eye contact with him. “You know you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to…” 

 

“I want to finish it.” 

 

This time Jeonghan hesitates as well, but ends up following through with the order and stops trying to read into his expression so closely. It’s only until after he manages to down all of the gross alcohol that Jeonghan smiles at him in a way he can’t exactly understand and pats him on the head gently. “There, now at least you can say you tried it.” 

 

Chan’s horribly stubborn with his own pride. As much as he wanted to admit that he didn’t want to finish drinking the bottle, he did so anyways because of all the other guys around. It’s not like they were pressuring him or anything but he wanted to do so to save his own image. It’s weird that he cares so much about people he barely even knows yet but they’re  _ older _ . He felt like he was too mature to be around the kids in his grade so this is the exact crowd he wanted to fit in with. 

 

Either way, Jeonghan is still next to him and clearly more interested in talking with him than watching the game. It’s almost as if he can feel the elder’s eyes watching him even when he averts his gaze away and tries to look elsewhere. Eventually the heat from Jeonghan’s stare is overwhelming he lets out a long sigh and looks over to him. “Why are you watching me?”

 

“Because I know you didn’t want to do it but you were too stubborn to back out halfway.” His elder turns back to him with a bit of a knowing smile on his face but Chan doesn’t feel anything malicious about it. “I can read into your expression so clearly but I still can’t seem to think of any reason why you’d want to start smoking and drinking at such a young age. It’s just… interesting?” 

 

Chan opens his mouth to speak but for some reason the words are hard to find. Instead he just kind of scoffs and shakes his head to waste time and figure out what he wants to say. “Why are you trying to read into me in the first place? Is it really your business to do so?” 

 

“Listen, Chan...” The other male lets out a light sigh as if he knows all too well that he’s overstepping personal boundaries himself, but he still keeps his voice quiet enough so that the other people in the room don’t hear. “I don’t know your story or what’s going on with you but you  _ are  _ too young to be smoking anything, whether that be cigarettes or not. I think you’re purposely trying to make a point by acting out- but who are you trying to prove yourself to?” 

 

Because he’s being judged by someone who is still rather a complete stranger to him, Chan’s mouth drops open again from all of the accusations. “Why are you making all of these claims? You don’t even know me.” He responds back rather defensively. “Do you get some kind of thrill by trying to psychoanalyze me?” 

 

“No, it’s nothing like that.” Jeonghan responds back calmly, almost too calm to the point where it ticked Chan off even more. “From an outsider's perspective it just seems like you’re trying to overcompensate for something. It does nothing but make me worry about you actually.” 

 

Chan just scoffs. “Just because I don’t like beer doesn’t mean I’m any less of a man than you.” 

 

Jeonghan smiles slowly and tips his head to the side a bit in thought. “I never said anything about that… but I think that’s exactly the point that I’m trying to get to here. I know you didn’t want to do that, Chan. I saw the look on your face. You really don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do and that’s all I wanted to tell you. If you felt like you  _ had _ to do it for whatever reason, I’d just want to talk about why you feel that way.”

 

Chan doesn’t like the way he’s being talked to. It makes him feel small. He feels like he’s being coddled. Yet at the same time his face is feeling all hot and embarrassed because something tells him that Jeonghan is actually right. Almost all of his anger seems to dissipate as soon as that point seemed to hit somewhere in his heart. “So… so what are you gonna do about it?” It’s hard to find his voice but he manages to whisper out quietly in response. “What if I don’t even have a reason?” 

 

“You don’t have to prove anything to me. I don’t care if you smoke. Or drink. Or whatever else. Just try to be a little more safe about things, Chan. Come hang out with us if you wanna explore some new things but there’s no pressure.” Jeonghan offers to him in a way that doesn’t sound condescending at all, yet more like he actually seems to care about his well being. Chan’s even more aware of his honesty by the way a gentle hand is placed on his knee and pats it softly. “I’m sure you’ve got some really nice parents who care about you a lot. You’re trying to grow up too fast for your age by trying all this new stuff but I can see that you seem like a real sweet kid underneath all of that. You don’t want to worry anyone. Including me and Seungcheol. We’re new friends but that doesn’t mean we should care any less.” 

 

Chan’s got a bit of a temper. He’d usually never let someone assume so many things about him because that’s just the kind of thing that he hates the most. But the way that he’s feeling kind of ashamed and rather humiliated in front of Jeonghan only furthermore proves that his elder is correct in trying to read into him so thoroughly like this. He can try to act as mature as he wants but his inexperience leaves him completely exposed, and not even a veil of smoke or a swig of alcohol is enough to hide his naivety this time. 

 

He doesn’t respond for awhile. He’s not even sure what he wants to say or if he has to say anything at all. But then as if on it’s on will, his head flops down into the the plush couch cushions behind him and all of his complaints about the complicated world seem to float out on their own will. 

 

“I just…. feel so stuck.” 

 

Hours later, the night ends with the two of them laying across Jeonghan’s king bed, perfectly spacious enough for the both of them to get completely lost in the conversation and maybe a bit in each other as well. Once they went into a more quiet place where they could be alone, Chan had let out some of his pent up frustrations about his own world and they talk about everything and anything in between. Nothing is considered too personal. Chan feels his thoughts freely spewing from his lips, whether that be from the effects of the beer from before or because they’re both staring at the ceiling and there’s no need to make eye contact. Either way, Chan leaves Jeonghan’s apartment feeling the heaviness weighing down on his chest lighten up a little more than before. 

 

Chan makes a new habit out of stopping by Jeonghan’s apartment every once in awhile. Just to talk, hang out, or do nothing in particular. He’s not sure how he started making this a recurring thing but on nights when his thoughts just felt a little too constricting to keep to himself, he knew he was always welcome to seek out Jeonghan to let some things out. Maybe it became a double sided thing once Jeonghan showed up at his apartment to complain about his dating life or whatever insignificant problems he had one too many times, then it just started to seem natural to meet up and talk about whatever bullshit that happened during the course of the week. 

 

There was something about having a friend that wasn’t in his own friend circle that felt different to Chan. Maybe it was the fact that the elder didn’t exactly have a designated place in his daily life, therefore there was no harm in telling him all of his innermost thoughts and secrets that he wouldn’t dare to tell anyone else. There was no risk, no harm, no consequences. Jeonghan was kind of like his safe place to vent to, and certainly he’d always receive rather interesting advice back. 

 

After a while of their meetings turning into a routine, their relationship grew into something much more special later on. For Chan, it felt like he had met someone who finally understood him for once, who could accept all of his unexplained and irrational teenage feelings about life and just  _ get  _ him. Jeonghan relied on him quite a lot too but in much different ways. Chan had become an actual friend to him, despite how many times Jeonghan wanted to call him his little brother or baby. Jeonghan never seemed to notice the four years that separated them until he came up with some other cute nickname he wanted to use to his advantage. In general, most of Jeonghan’s other friends didn’t treat him any differently either. He felt like he could be his genuine self around them and that was the most refreshing thing he could ever ask for.

 

Despite not feeling the need to push himself to grow up too quickly around them, that didn’t mean that he didn’t have his occasional setbacks. He was young and needed to make mistakes in order to learn. When he took his father’s car out to practice driving one time and ended up getting in a minor accident, Seungcheol was the one who paid for repairs before his parents could ever find out. At a house party he made the stupid decision to take a pill from a stranger and immediately felt horribly sick, so all the guys panicked and rushed him to the nearest hospital. Or then there was the time when he got his first serious girlfriend and did everything he could to make her happy, even going to the point using all of the advice his hyungs gave him and she still ended up cheating and leaving him for someone else. Jeonghan practically slept over his house for two weeks straight to make sure he wouldn’t be left alone to cry at night. Chan can complain about not wanting to be babied as much as he wants but in times when he’s really not ready to be the adult that he thinks he is, at least he has a whole group of older brothers to lean back on for support. 

 

Chan likes his college group of friends so much more than anyone else he’s ever met in his own school. Although it’s clear that he has a lot of favoritism for all of them, it’s clear to see that Jeonghan is who he’s closest with. It may have happened that way because they were introduced to each other first but Chan knows that it’s because of the long nights spent talking to each other that they have a bond unlike any other in their group. Around the other guys, Chan often pretends to scowl when Jeonghan tries to pull him into his lap or pat at his head a little too affectionately but when they’re alone they’re much different. Jeonghan is the only person he’ll show his tears to, as well as allow him to fully wrap his arms and legs around his body while they’re sleeping and even play with his hair softly while they talk. Chan tries to protect his image with a tough exterior but around Jeonghan he’s definitely just a sap. 

 

Although Chan had shared nearly everything about his life to Jeonghan, his elder usually didn’t have many problems to deal with anyways. He liked to complain about the people he was paid dating with, or which guy tried to grope his leg at the movies, or whatever other trivial things that popped up into his life. Jeonghan had an incredibly strong will so certainly he handles his own issues before they can even turn into problems. But when Jeonghan ended up really falling hard for someone who treated him so right and still managed to have a fight with him, Chan was rather torn up about things. 

 

His heart ached for Jeonghan. After all, he felt like Jeonghan deserved everything in the world and that included his perfect relationship with Joshua. Those two were practically made for each other and if they couldn’t manage to work it out, Chan was pretty sure he didn’t believe in love anymore. Either way, he would be there to work through the problem until the elder felt peace of mind again, just like they had done countless times together before but this time was going to be a little more difficult. As much as he didn’t like the word that Joshua had called Jeonghan, Chan had to admit that he understood things from both sides and felt like this was all some big misunderstanding. 

 

Part of being Yoon Jeonghan’s best friend is that Chan can tell him when to stop crying and just make up already and Jeonghan doesn’t even bother to fight him on it. 

 

But part of what he couldn’t do as Yoon Jeonghan’s best friend is get involved in his drama and march upstairs to cuss Seungcheol out. 

 

Chan knows that there’s something between Seungcheol and Jeonghan that he just can’t seem figure out. He always felt like they kind of had feelings for each other but prefered the weird sexual tension they shared instead because they like the game behind it. Chan generally did not like to think about his two close friends and the shit they did in secret so he often pushed it out of his mind. Yet at the same time, becoming friends with Jeonghan meant that Seungcheol was always kind of a plus one for some reason, so they were the people he looked up to most and respected. They were the two hyungs he looked to for guidance when he needed help the most and even those two couldn’t get their own shit together. It made him nervous to just think about everything he knew getting all scrambled up just because of one fight. 

 

When he found out that Seungcheol had purposely confessed to Jeonghan in order to manipulate him, Chan was furious. His eyes were stinging with angry tears that couldn't fall and his fists curled up as he paced around his room in order to control his rage. He was helpless. He couldn’t even do a thing. What made it worse was that everyone seemed to know except him because he wasn’t there when it happened. Both Jeonghan and Seungcheol had kept it to themselves too and never bothered to bring it up when he was around. Nobody wanted him to know because he was nothing but an inexperienced kid and that hurt him a lot. 

 

Chan will be the first one to say that he hasn’t made all of the best decisions in the past but he’s not immature in the least. Chan’s especially perceptive about the way people act and why they treat other people the way they do because he’s always thinking about the reasons why he makes his own bad decisions as well. He was able to see where Joshua was feeling neglected and what Jeonghan had done to make him feel that way, and then why Jeonghan’s personality had made him unable to see how much he was accidentally hurting Joshua in the process. He saw that Seungcheol had a overcontrolling and not so healthy relationship with Jeonghan for years before any of this even happened. He knew his own hatred towards his boring his school life made him develop stupid coping mechanisms and endless insecurities that made him try to grow up too soon. It’s takes nearly four years later for him to he realizes that age means absolutely nothing when it comes for taking responsibility over thoughts and decisions. 

 

On the evening after his graduation ceremony, Chan finds himself seated on a bench in between Seungcheol and Jeonghan. This was the fated day that they were all waiting for. The last time for Chan to truly be a kid in their eyes. The three of them are finally together in the same place again with no animosity in the air but Chan still feels uncomfortable around them. He should be happy he’s moving on to the future and putting himself in a better place but he’s not at all yet. Chan’s still got a lot of feelings weighing heavily on his heart and he’s unsure how to talk about them openly. 

 

Seungcheol pulls his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and offers one over to Chan first. “Wanna smoke? It’s my treat this time. You don’t even have to offer to pay.” There’s a kind smile on his hyung’s face that only reminds him of the memories they shared over these long years. Although all three of them share a small laugh about the particular time that Seungcheol’s implying, the nostalgia lingering in the air still makes something feel sad about the moment. 

 

Chan’s fingers reach out to accept one just out of habit but then he’s stuck hesitating again. His fingers are lingering and about to grasp one, but he falters and shakes his head instead. “...I think I’m going to quit smoking.” 

 

Almost in unison, Seungcheol and Jeonghan glance over at him in surprise. He’s smoked constantly over the past four years and never even attempted to give up cigarettes not even once before. Jeonghan’s mouth opens like he’s debating on either beaming at him or asking a million questions about why but Chan clears his throat before he can do either. 

 

“I’m going to quit smoking because I never enjoyed it. Not even for one second.” He finds himself staring down at the sidewalk in front of them as he admits this, his shoes kicking around at the uneven concrete. The words have relief escaping from his chest but there’s still the weight of everything unspoken that’s weighing on his nerves. “I only started smoking because I wasn’t happy with myself or my life back then. I thought that if I started to do something addicting and gained control over it, then maybe I would end up finding a way to control my own feelings. But it didn’t work, did it? It just made me even more angry and want to try more harmful things that I could use to test my limits and really prove that I was strong after all. But in a way… wasn’t it more weak of me to rely on some substance to control my life for me?” 

 

Chan laughs a bit under his breath. There’s nothing funny about what he’s saying and his laughter is much more bitter and rooted in regret but there’s nothing he can really do about changing the past now. “I was weak. I was weak because I didn’t know how to deal with my own feelings or take the chance to change the things I didn’t like about my life. But in the end, I think I’ve realized that everything is only up to me. If I want something to happen, then only I can be the one to make it happen. There’s no use in blaming anyone or anything for the faults I have within myself. If I want to be strong then I have to rely on no one other than myself to do so. ” 

 

The smile that had been forming on Jeonghan’s face after he said he wanted to quit smoking was replaced by much more of a concentrated expression, as if he was lingering on to every word he said and all of the ones that were waiting to come. Seungcheol was listening as well but looked more concerned that anything. His lips opened to say something but Chan spoke over him. He’s respected his hyungs for all these years and will do so for years to come but this time he has to speak his mind. After all, it’s kind of his last chance before everything changes for all of them.

 

“Seungcheol, Jeonghan, you’re taught me everything I’ve ever needed to know this whole time. You’ve instructed me to do the right thing whenever I needed a push in the right direction, you’ve held my hand and lead me on when needed to know where to go, and you’ve been the safety net I could fall back on even when I didn’t need one. There’s no words I can really say to thank you for always being there for me. I think no matter how hard I try, I can’t find any words that even sum up my feelings of gratitude for you two.” 

 

With this, Chan feels the familiar feeling of Jeonghan’s ever so soft and gentle hand resting above his knee. Seungcheol’s larger hand is there to pat him on the top of his head slightly. Now he realizes that his eyes are stinging and he has to fight with himself to find the courage to continue on. 

 

“But you make me feel like a kid when you don’t trust in me. I was really hurt by the fact that neither of you even bothered me to tell me the whole truth between what happened between you guys. Wasn’t I the one who knew you two best? You guys meant everything to me. Why couldn’t I be everything to you too? I’m sure it’s because of my age. Or my inexperience with things, my naivety.... Whatever it was, I did a lot of thinking and I was really upset about it...”

 

“Chan-” Jeonghan tries to call out but he’s quick to continue speaking over him. 

 

“But then I realized something about myself. If I haven’t taken the initiative to change for myself and live more honestly, then certainly I haven’t proved anything to you two either. You still see me as weak, young, impressionable, and you’re not wrong in that. I can see it too.” As Chan admits this to himself for the first time out loud, his hands that are seated in his lap tremble a bit but he takes a long sigh to compose himself. “Today’s my last day as the weak boy you always thought me to be. Even if you never thought that way in front of me and always made me feel like I was accepted, I still think it was always there. But now I’m going to get rid of that. I’m going to be strong and deal with my feelings head on, with no one’s influence other than my own. I’m going to fix my problems of the past and make sure that I’m happy this time around when I enter college. This can only be done by me, not you two, or any other of our friends, no cigarettes or alcohol or whatever else. I’m going to do it all on my own and I’m proud of myself for deciding this.”

 

As he’s speaking he’s looking down at his lap, his own shaky hands and Jeonghan’s own smaller hand resting on his leg. It’s only until a tear drop falls onto his hand that he realizes he’s started to tear up. He doesn’t feel embarrassed at all this time. 

 

“Jeonghan will go to America. Seungcheol will work towards his future in becoming a music producer. Both of you will recover your friendship and learn to get past these tough times. And as for me, I will be happy. That’s what’s going to happen and neither of you can get in the way of that happening. I don’t want any of your help or meddling, I want to make myself into a Chan I’m proud of by my own will and my efforts alone. And I want the both of you to figure out how to be the best versions of yourself too. That’s what would fix this whole mess... That’s what I’d want most in the whole world. ” 

 

Chan’s spoken everything on his mind at this point. He’s never spoken so honestly to the point of cutting off his hyungs for speaking and disregarding their thoughts completely, but there’s something thrilling about getting everything off his chest without worrying about their age differences and the manners he has to uphold because of it. The feeling of pure relief can’t be ruined by anything that might happen to come next, not even the scolding he might receive after for interrupting both of them. 

 

There’s a silence that lingers for quite a long time but it’s not uncomfortable. Chan’s just thankful that his brothers are taking the time to listen to him seriously and take his thoughts to heart. The silence continues on almost a little too long though so he takes the chance to glance between both of the people who mean the most to him in the whole world. 

 

Jeonghan and Seungcheol are staring at each other with rather distant gazes in the eyes, yet rather melancholic smiles of understanding on their faces. As much as Chan just gave a whole speech about how he’s going to move towards becoming an adult in a more modest way, he thinks it’s a bit unfair how he still doesn’t exactly understand what the look they’re sharing means. Unknowingly, a small pout starts to form on his lips. 

 

“Hey, that doesn’t mean that I don’t need you guys anymore or anything like that…” Chan starts to speak again a bit coyly as he looks down at his lap, fiddling around with his fingertips. “Although I want to do things by my own means, that doesn’t mean that anything has to change between us, right? We’re still going to be friends forever...” 

 

There’s a pair of soft lips pressing to his cheek, in which Jeonghan kisses him with as much affection as he can ever possibly muster before chuckling softly under his breath. “We’re already so proud of you, Channie. You don’t even know how much.” 

 

Chan only has time to pretend to wince a little before Seungcheol pushes some of his fringe away and places a silent and more restrained peck to his forehead as well. It’s a bit strange and unexpected because he doesn’t usually initiate much skinship with him on a normal basis but irregardlessly, Chan’s heart feels so warm and protected right now. 

 

Seungcheol stands up and tosses his own pack of cigarettes into the nearby trash can. Jeonghan’s arms are there to wrap around Chan while he finds himself tearing up again. It’s only because he’s feeling so much unrestrained love right now that he almost can’t stand it. 

 

Right now they may be on the road to separation in order to find each of their own individual ways, but in the end, they’re always going to be there for each other. It’s a fact that can’t be denied, doubted, or even tested. There’s just so much love that exists here. 

  
  
  
  


/ / Seungkwan

 

If you asked Seungkwan whether he expected to develop such deep feelings for Hansol, he definitely would have said no. 

 

For the longest time he has tried to convince himself that he and Hansol were part of two different worlds. The former athlete is everything Seungkwan should have known to be cautious of. He’s seen enough stereotypical American movies to know that there’s no way for the jock to end up with the soft, sweet, and very much gay theatre student. It’s just not meant to happen for them. They can get along as much as friends can with their roommate situation going on, but there’s no room for any romance to develop between them. 

 

Hansol is a bit too quiet and Seungkwan is loud. Seungkwan likes delicate pastel colors and Hansol prefers black. Seungkwan is overflowing with confidence and self assurance, while Hansol is filled with uncertainty and insecurities. They don’t exactly live up to the labels that they’re supposed to be to the point where perhaps things would make more sense if they were switched around completely, but there’s no use in trying to make that happen. They’re exactly the way they are for a reason. 

 

Part of what makes Seungkwan’s friendship with Hansol feel so special is the fact that they bring out the best in each other. They fill in the missing pieces of each other so effortlessly, it’s like they were practically made for each other. Being polar opposites means absolutely nothing when Hansol fits Seungkwan so perfectly. 

 

When Hansol approaches him with a hug and Seungkwan’s arms take their signature place to wind around his neck, now they’re chest to chest and body to body and nothing feels more completed in the whole world. Even though they’re just friends, Hansol’s arms wrap around his waist as he holds him with nothing but the most gentle touch, still secure but so tender at the same time. Seungkwan melts here with him and his knees go weak sometimes but he never thinks about Vernon in any context other than friends. Selfish thoughts about taking their relationship to the next level would ruin whatever they had between them and Seungkwan doesn’t think he could live with that. He already loves Hansol so dearly. 

 

It’s not like Seungkwan has never thought about Hansol in some less than platonic ways before though. He’s always thought Hansol was handsome since they first met. He loved his smile and how easily he could get a laugh out of him. He loved how when they talked, Hansol’s eyes would focus so dedicatedly onto him and linger on for every word, completely immersed and interested in everything he had to say. He even loved how sometimes he didn’t even have to say anything at all and Hansol would still be able to read every slight movement in his expression, already somehow knowing exactly how he was feeling. Even though Hansol fit him so well, Seungkwan worked hard to train his heart to stop getting so excited every time he caught the other staring at him or when his hands lingered on his body a little too long after a hug. He’s had those thoughts about Hansol before but won’t allow himself of such luxuries. 

 

After all, they’re not meant to be together in the end. It just doesn’t make sense for the two of them when they’re supposed to be living in two different worlds. Before he can get too attached to these moments of daydreaming about Hansol, he tries to save his heart before any harm is done. 

 

As much as he wanted to forget about the subject of developing feelings for Hansol someday, his own friends were always a bit too nosy to let him avoid all their questions. 

 

On one of their Friday night hangouts, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, and Seokmin end up at a nearby cafe to deal with their dessert cravings. They order a bunch of cakes and pastries to share as well as some sweet syrupy coffee to enjoy. Generally because of the sugar rush they’re getting a little more excited before, and the happy atmosphere of eating desserts only makes their spirits liven up. Maybe that’s why Seokmin finally decided to ask him about his feelings. 

 

“Seungkwan, did you ever notice how Vernon looks at you?” 

 

The question catches him off guard for a second, but he doesn’t have to think at all before realizes exactly what Seokmin is referring too. He’s seen it countless times himself, the way they’ll be surrounded by a group of friends and completely across the room from each other and Hansol still seems to catch his gaze sometimes, like he was only waiting for him to look up any second now too. Seungkwan has noticed- as well as his heart has too, and he’s not very glad to hear that even his own friends have started noticing too. 

 

He plays clueless with the shake of his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

 

Soonyoung’s mouth is stuffed with cake but he’s quick to join in. “Have you ever noticed that sometimes Vernon’s eyes follow you for a little longer than what would be considered just ‘friendly’?” 

 

As Soonyoung goes to the point of even including air quotes, Seungkwan lets his eyes roll around a little as he lets out a soft laugh. “No, I have no idea what either of you mean by Vernon staring at me for longer than necessary. I never noticed anything like that.” 

 

Now it’s time for both Soonyoung and Seokmin to roll their eyes as well as share a deep sigh. 

 

“There just _has_ to be something going on with him and you’re the only one who can’t see it!” Seokmin insisted passionately. “Boo, honestly- he stares at you like you’re the brightest star in his sky, or more like his whole entire world and the universe combined. You’re telling me that you never even noticed it at least once?” 

 

“Not to mention that whenever Seungkwan walks into the room his eyes start to light up and I swear I can almost see them sparkling-” Soonyoung interjects before Seokmin can add even more.

 

“You can say he’s just your friend all you want but maybe Vernon is starting to feel something different and he’s not ready to tell you yet.” 

 

Soonyoung nods a little too excitedly in response. “Yeah, you’re just looking at it too one-sidedly! Maybe Vernon is starting to like you but he’s letting you take the lead to start things first. If you liked him back you could-” 

 

“Hansol and I are just best friends.” Seungkwan interrupts him before he could continue on. “Maybe we’re a little closer than normal because we’re forced to live together and see each other everyday, but there’s nothing like that between us. I know it’s exciting for you guys to imagine all of these things happening to me and Hansol but there’s really nothing there.” As he admits all of this he feels his eyes glancing away as he’s growing a little upset for some reason. “If you keep imaging all of these things, then you’re going to hurt one of our feelings if you keep trying force us to do something we’re not ready for.” 

 

Soonyoung and Seokmin share rather guilty glances at each other. Perhaps they were getting a little too excited about the possibility of their friends dating that they took it too far this time. Of course their intentions weren’t to make Seungkwan upset but they’re still there to console him by offering to spoon feed him some strawberries and whipped cream. 

 

“Boo, we didn’t mean it like that. Don’t get all pouty on us.” Seokmin visibly frowns a bit as he offers Seungkwan the biggest strawberry on his cake, in which the younger willingly accepts as an apology. “I just wanted to let you know about what we’ve been seeing because it seems like you’re the only one who doesn’t. Sometimes when you’re too close to someone it’s hard to notice when their feelings start changing.” 

 

Soonyoung hums a bit in response. “I just wanted to let you know what we’re seeing because maybe it’s something you’re going to have to think about someday. It seems like it’s a bit of a sensitive subject for you though, so my guess is that you’ve already done some thinking about it already.” 

 

“Even I don’t know what’s going to happen.” Seungkwan admits honestly, letting out a low sigh under his breath before he finds himself looking away from his friend’s again. It was definitely a sensitive subject for him. Thinking about the possibilities of his future with Hansol always made him feel uncertain and there was nothing he could do to stop it other than just pushing those thoughts away all over again. “I’m happy with Hansol just the way we are. That’s the honest truth. I don’t need anything in our current relationship to change but if Hansol wants to change things someday then we’ll deal with it when it happens. But as for right now, I just want things to be natural between us.” 

 

Seungkwan says everything that’s on his mind but he doesn’t feel any more relaxed to get it off his chest. Soonyoung smiles a bit understanding in his direction and drops the subject in favor of enjoying his cake, but Seokmin stares at him for a moment before nodding slowly. He’s not smiling, which is very unusual from him. It feels like there’s something he’s holding back on saying and that only makes Seungkwan feel more nervous about this whole situation. He knows that his friends mean the best for him. Sometimes they can see the truth more closely than even he himself can. Of course he can trust them with all of his heart. But when it comes to this, he would just rather not know what they can see happening between Hansol and himself. 

 

Hansol is far too important for him to lose. 

 

. . . . .

 

Time passes by and Seungkwan manages to ignore the subtle signs of catching feelings that blossom in between the two of them. He’s lucky that he has to focus on endless hours of musical practice that prevent them from spending too much time alone together. It’s not like he’s trying to avoid Hansol on purpose these days but he’s not exactly fighting to spend more time than they already have to see each other for. He misses Hansol sometimes but maybe it’s for the best in the end. If only he can control his heart from instinctively pulling itself towards the other now then there won’t be any hurt feelings between either of them later. 

 

Hansol makes the next few months very hard for him. He’s far too charming for his own good and regularly picks Seungkwan up from his late night practices so that he doesn’t have to walk back home to the dorms by himself. He never even asked of him to do so, but Hansol makes a habit out of it anyways just because he’s too nice. When Seungkwan’s ready to head home and catches sight of Hansol always waiting for him by the exit of the auditorium, his heart skips a beat so powerfully that he has to stop for a second to catch his breath.

 

Seungkwan doesn’t know what to do. 

 

It’s getting hard to approach Hansol recently. He can’t look him in the eyes for too long. Seungkwan starts talking too much about pointless things when he starts feeling nervous in his presence. When they’re walking a little too closely and their hands brush, sometimes Hansol tries to hold his hand just because. Seungkwan doesn’t know the reason why and he doesn’t bother think about it. He’ll allow a little bit of hand holding or a hug here and there, but he’s starting to feel like it’s all too stressful to keep carefully controlling the boundary between them. 

 

Hansol probably never noticed that he stopped initiating physical contact between them. At first, Seungkwan was the touchy one and Hansol had to warm up to him but now it seems like their roles are reversed. Now Hansol is the one to always reach out for him. He feels guilty about making him this way, but he doesn’t have it in his heart to push Hansol away. He could never say no to something his body craves so badly on a regular basis so he treasures the moments where he can let down his guard and stop thinking for awhile. 

 

When he doesn’t worry about the things that might change their relationship in the future, Seungkwan feels most at peace when he’s with Hansol. When they’re together and he can rest his head down on Hansol’s awaiting shoulder, he feels like nothing in the whole world could tear him apart from the happiness he feels. It’s like this is the person who was made exactly for him, who matches him so perfectly and effortlessly,  they must have met for a reason because things just feel so _ right _ here. Hansol must feel it too. He has to. The way he holds him so gingerly in his arms can only assure Seungkwan of that. Surely, Hansol Vernon Chwe is everything to him and things are undoubtedly not so one-sided after all. That’s what makes the decision to become something more with Hansol so difficult. 

 

Patience isn’t one of Seungkwan’s strong skills. He wears his heart on his sleeve at all times and lives his life making most of his decisions on a whim. Dealing with Hansol though, Seungkwan is as cautious and careful as he could ever manage. He believes that if he holds out for while and waits just long enough, maybe dealing with the feelings of them growing closer will become less difficult to deal with and suddenly click someday. If good things come to those who wait, then maybe someday Hansol will come to him too. 

 

. . . . . 

 

Sometimes Seungkwan allows himself to indulge in Hansol. He knows that he’s selfish to be so needy of Hansol’s attention on occasion, but he can’t help himself not to sometimes. Hansol’s that missing piece he needs so he simply craves his presence in the most innocent of ways every once in awhile. 

 

Tonight is one of those nights.

 

They go to a party at some of their mutual friend’s house in order to celebrate the release of the hip hop group’s first song together. It’s a very happy day for all of them but Seungkwan especially had been so proud of his Hansol that he wanted to make sure this night was special. Whether that meant sitting a little closer beside him when they all got in a circle to play a game, or giving Hansol a little more attention than usual, Seungkwan just wanted to make him genuinely happy in any way that he could. 

 

All of their friends play a rather childish game of truth or dare, where there’s silly questions shared about relationships within the group and who wants to kiss who and plenty of other pointless things only meant to get a funny reaction out of somebody. It’s just meant to be some light hearted fun to pick at your closest friends with some uncomfortable questions. Seungkwan doesn't really think too much about the game at all until Jeonghan pulls him aside later on in the night. 

 

“You’re welcome.” 

 

Seungkwan doesn’t really know what he’s talking about so he raises and eyebrow. “Hyung, what are you even talking about?” He asks out with a lighthearted laugh as Jeonghan pulls him slightly closer by the hold on his wrist to get him away from the crowd. “Did you drink too much or something?” 

 

“Remember the question I asked you during truth or dare?” Jeonghan asks out, earning a quick nod from Seungkwan before he continues on with a light smile playing on his lips. “You’re very welcome, Seungkwannie.” 

 

He blinks up at the elder a few times, still clearly confused at what he’s trying to get at. Jeonghan is too blunt for his own good sometimes. “Can you just tell me what you mean? I feel like that would be easier for the both of us here...” 

 

Jeonghan takes his turn to roll his eyes but also allows his hands to cup Seungkwan’s cheeks and squish them together between his palms. “Vernon likes you. In  _ that _ way. I’m tired of seeing you guys walking circles around each other when you could just be a couple and do cute shit together already.” 

 

Seungkwan finds his lips pouting up as he’s forced to look at the elder. “I don’t want to talk about this...” 

 

“I know you don’t, so I’m here to do it for you.” Jeonghan decides with a firm nod of his own and refuses to take his hands off of Seungkwan’s fluffy cheeks. “I asked you that question because I wanted Vernon to finally think for once and work up his courage to decide how he feels about you. I know you’re smarter than he is. You probably already realized awhile ago but hell, if you don’t want to initiate anything first then I hope he will. And based on how he was looking at you right after you answered, I’d say that I’m pretty sure he will do something. Maybe even tonight.”  

 

“Hyung-” Seungkwan all but whines out. “Why would you do this to me? You already know how confused I am about him already.” 

 

“No, actually I don’t. Just be together. Be happy with him.” Jeonghan practically insists as his hands move to the younger’s shoulders to shake him around a bit because of his unrelenting stubbornness about the whole situation. “Stop thinking so much and just be happy with Vernon. Hold his hand or run into his arms or whatever cheesy shit you’d like, but just follow your heart and go and get that boy already. The tension is making all of us crazy and I will literally jump out a window if you don’t walk up to him and kiss him senseless one of these days.” 

 

“What? I’m not going to kiss Vernon!” He practically screeches out after hearing the end of the sentence, his voice raising up a few octaves out of shock. He’ll admit that Jeonghan did have a few good points to make out of this lecture but this was not one of them. 

 

Jeonghan can only cackle a bit as he’s got a knowing smile on his face. “You can say that now, but after asking the same question that I did, I’m sure Vernon is starting to get some ideas of his own…” The elder all but singsongs as he leaves Seungkwan all alone in order to skip off in some unknown direction and back to the life of the party. 

 

Seungkwan’s left alone for a moment as he leans against the wall. A heavy sigh leaves his lips as his elder’s words really do sink into his subconscious and settle in completely. He feels vulnerable, it’s like everyone around them can see what’s going on between them except they’re the only two who can’t. It was already too difficult for himself to keep up the act alone. Now that people are starting to realize that they’re a little too close to be friends, Seungkwan will only have to be more careful about his actions from now on. He can’t lead Vernon into committing to something he’s not even sure he’s ready to deal with yet. 

 

He’s almost sure that thinking about this topic too much will ruin the night but eventually Soonyoung and Seokmin notice that he’s standing all along and pull him back into their excited little circle of dancing. It only takes a few minutes and he doesn’t even remember why he was getting all emotional only moments before. They know exactly how to get him back into the right mindset and into even more fun and within moments, they’re giggling and laughing hysterically with each other as they dance to catchy idol songs and make stupid jokes about each other the whole time. Seungkwan loves that his friends can get him out of his mood and make him forget that everything about Hansol is starting to confuse him these days. 

 

Yet at the same time, he wishes that Hansol was with him now to join in on this happy moment. 

 

It’s kind of funny how he can be so unsure about how to feel about Hansol but still want to be with him so badly at the same time. 

 

When he manages to catch sight of Vernon making his way over to their friend group, he only hesitates for a second before thinking back to Jeonghan’s advice. Don’t think. Just feel. His hand reaches out for Hansol’s own and it only takes one quick tug until they’re pressed together all over again. It’s just as easy as that to bring a slightly surprised but adorable smile to Hansol’s face and Seungkwan loves the way that it looks on him. 

 

He can’t help himself from getting a little greedy on nights like this. He’ll get entangled in Hansol’s arms as he dances up against him and forces the somewhat shy male to join along with him. He knows Hansol can’t say no to him after all. So he’ll treat himself with a little extra contact than usual tonight. He’ll let Hansol’s hands fall into their usual place on his hips while his own arms drape around his neck; right where they belong. He will let himself focus on nothing but Hansol now, with none of his worries about their future to even get in the way of enjoying the present. It’s just Seungkwan and Hansol and all of their complicated and unspoken feelings for each other but that’s still perfect enough for the two of them. 

 

As they walk home afterwards, Seungkwan let his fingers intertwine with Hansol’s own as soon as he feels his hand being reached for. 

 

Seungkwan thinks that he could probably wait for Hansol forever. 

  
  


. . . . . 

  
  


It’s during the same night when Seungkwan knows that they’re about to do something risky. The excitement from the party is wearing off but they’re both in that perfect midnight mood where words seem to flow out too unrestrainedly and everything just feels so free. Guards are completely down. His hands can’t stop reaching out to pick at Hansol every once in awhile with a flirty touch here and there. They’re lying in Seungkwan’s bed and staring at each other across from a shared pillow, so close where they’re starting to feel a little buzzed off of their feelings for each other. Even though they talk about only the most pointless of things, Hansol’s eyes seem so focused in on everything he wants to talk about. The intent gaze alone makes Seungkwan’s cheeks flush and a happy smile play on the corners of his lips.

 

They talk about the good, bad, and everything in between, but conversation doesn’t seem to be what’s on either of their minds. 

 

Seungkwan’s thinking about how easily it would be to reach out and touch Hansol like this. He’s been waiting for oh so long and Hansol is right here with him, with nothing but his complete undivided attention on everything he says or does. He could just reach out and do everything he wanted right now. It would be all too easy just to roll over a little more sideways and bury his face into the other’s neck, feeling nothing but completely safe and warm and protected in there while Hansol embraces him back, stroking his hair softly and maybe even twirling the hairs at his nape around with one finger. Hansol would watch him with those beautiful honey colored eyes and when Seungkwan looks up at him and gathers the absolute minimum amount of courage, maybe he could lean up a little to place a slightly timid kiss to his chin because it’s the only thing he could reach in their position. Hansol would probably blush a bit and laugh in the way that Seungkwan likes so much but then angle himself down properly kiss him right after.

 

That’s how it would happen in Seungkwan’s mind if things were perfect. They might be each other’s perfect match but their feelings are not like that at all. They’re far too awkward and inexperienced for their own good. Instead they end up talking about the stupid question during asked truth or dare and who Seungkwan would hypothetically want to kiss if he would. 

 

Seungkwan is not stupid. He knows what Hansol is thinking about and what he wants to get out of all these questions. It’s just that Seungkwan isn’t sure if they’re ready for this or not and draws the inevitable out for as long as he can. They tease each other and play along the fine line of invisible boundaries back and forth until Hansol has to outright say that he’s thinking about kissing him for things to finally change. 

 

Hansol clearly wears all of his emotions on his face. Seungkwan is right next to him on the pillow and he can almost feel the heat radiating off the other’s skin from how flushed he’s getting. His heart is beating too strongly in his chest to the point where it’s overwhelming, and somehow Seungkwan thinks he might be able to hear Hansol’s beating too if he listens in close enough. The fact that the both of them are thinking the exact same thing and still so nervous about this only proves how critical this moment is. 

 

There was just a soft touch on Hansol’s cheek, only the feeling of Seungkwan’s palm gently caressing over his skin. His delicate touch pulls Hansol’s gaze back to his own, allowing for dark brown irises to meet with honey brown ones. Seungkwan’s hand was already on his cheek. Their foreheads were already pressed together. It really could have only happened in within a second or two to get it over with but there’s something about this moment that Seungkwan wants to remember. He’ll want to look back on this someday. His first kiss with Hansol. He pauses for just awhile more in order to lock every thought, every touch, and every feeling in his mind just for safe keeping. 

 

Hansol is too caring for his own good. Seungkwan watches him as he slightly tilts his head and causes the tips of their noses to barely touch. He watches the cautious and deep breath of air that escapes Hansol’s lips and the way it somehow mingles together with his own breaths and ghosts along his lips. Hansol’s not even kissing him yet and he’s already feeling him so strongly. And Seungkwan decides right now he wants him so bad that he’s tired of waiting and thinking all together and he just wants to throw himself to Hansol and let him accept him already. 

 

He’s the one who has to reach out with his fingertips, guiding Hansol’s lips to exactly where they needed to be, and that was to be placed right up against his own. Awaiting lips touched hesitant ones in a kiss of mutual exploration, nothing more until he allowed his eyelids to slip shut in complete comfort from their actions, their two hearts settling down and falling into a shared rhythm.

 

Only one kiss was enough for Hansol. It was almost like he was too careful to do anything more in case that would somehow ruin the sincerity of the moment. But as for Seungkwan, he hasn’t had enough of Hansol. Especially not after he’s finally gotten a taste of what he’s been trying to convince himself he didn’t need this whole time. Now it’s almost certain that he’s wanted him all along. 

 

Seungkwan is selfish. He presses his lips against Hansol’s fully with everything he has, giving him a proper kiss that conveys everything he’s always wanted to show him. He’s so content. So protected. So happy in Hansol’s arms that he can’t seem to picture how anything else would ever feel this perfect again. The sigh of nothing but complete relaxation from finally being in the place he needed to be leaves his lips as he allows himself to sneak another kiss onto Hansol’s own. The sigh leaves a breathy trail of oxygen that passes against Hansol’s awaiting lips and into his slightly open mouth. They both feel themselves tremble from how badly they want and needed each other like this, but that doesn’t stop Hansol from embracing him so tenderly and sweetly as soon as they finish their first kisses with each other. 

 

Seungkwan could have waited forever for Hansol to make the decision towards become something more.

 

He would have held out a while more. He could have waited so patiently and made sure they were making the most rational decision in order to do what’s best for them. He would have done anything to make Hansol happy and free from hurt in the end. 

 

But in this moment, Hansol has become so beloved that he can’t even stop himself from wanting to have him right now. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	31. staying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vernon and seungkwan arrive in jeju, in which they enjoy some time with each other, meet the family, as well as get a little lost in jeju and themselves as well.
> 
> there is only one final chapter after this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your patience with waiting for updates.   
> as the story is coming to an end, there's much more time needed to make sure every part of the story i want to convey has been touched on so i don't want to rush anything. in the long run i would rather have something i'm more proud of than something forcefully written just to update so that's why sometimes i'm not sure of when an update will come either. 
> 
> my inbox is filled with comments - i love them so mcuh but i've been strapped for time and haven't responded. i read all of the email notifs for comments i get and it makes me so happy during my day to see them. thank you so much for everything this whole time! 
> 
> i also want to say thank you for talking about my story on twitter/tumblr. sometimes i see u guys posting screenshots of 'ourtwenties' or ppl send them my way and it makes me wanna CRY. you guys are too sweet ! i feel bad like i'm spying on u a little but that really makes me happy too and i can't thank you enough. 
> 
> i managed to get the @ citruseungkwan url on both twitter/tumblr so feel free to approach me there anytime

Almost immediately after the semester ended, Vernon found himself boarding a plane headed to Jeju along with Seungkwan. There’s excitement already stirring in the air as they take their seats alongside each other and get ready for the flight. With a playful smile on the corners of his lips, Vernon presses a kiss onto Seungkwan’s own lips nearly the second after they take their seats. The two of them are already looking forward to what events will unfold this summer during the three long months they’ll spend together on the island. 

 

The flight isn’t long at all. It’s only a few hours or so that they’ll probably end up sleeping through anyways but there’s something inside Vernon that can’t seem to settle down enough to relax.

 

Seungkwan dozes off rather early into the ride so Vernon is left alone to his thoughts for awhile. The soft blonde locks of his partner’s hair has been changed to a natural brown color, which not only suits him perfectly but provides a hint to what Seungkwan might have looked like if they met years ago. It’s kind of confusing in a way, to even miss someone he had never even met, but something inside of him wishes he could have met Seungkwan sooner in his life. It would have not only saved him a lot of time, but perhaps it would have also made him more assure of himself all those years ago. 

 

With Seungkwan’s every occasional shift in his sleep or slight movement to nuzzle more into the crook of Vernon’s neck, the hairs tickle against the skin on his nape just reminds him that he’s so happy to be here with Seungkwan now. They’re on a plane right now to take their first trip together. Of course this is important for the both of them. As he’s still coming to terms that they’re on what’s considered to be a ‘couple’s trip’, he also can’t really believe that this is a reality and there’s probably going to have even more trips like this to come in the future. It’s just him and Seungkwan by his side. It brings a gentle smile to his face as he runs his fingers over the back of the male’s hand before holding it within his own. 

 

At this point in their relationship, Vernon is sure that he loves Boo Seungkwan. He loves Boo Seungkwan with his whole heart and his whole soul and everything else that he could possibly love him with. The realization that he actually loved Seungkwan hit him rather suddenly while they were on their group trip and ever since then, he can’t barely look at Seungkwan for more than a second or two before his brain automatically starts thinking that  _ he loves him _ . He really loves him. It’s like a constant mantra repeating itself over and over again and it takes all the strength in the world hold himself back from letting the words spill out already. Sometimes he wants to give up and just shout it out already because it’s driving him crazy in the best of ways. He loves Boo Seungkwan so much that he can’t wait to spoil him with those words someday. 

 

But Vernon isn’t going to tell him yet. He’s pretty sure that he’s already ready enough as he can be to let Seungkwan know, but he wants to hold on and wait a bit more to make sure the moment is right. He wants it to feel perfect.  Besides, he’s not even sure if Seungkwan feels the same towards him yet so it’s probably best to see how things play out over the summer. 

 

As for now, he’s perfectly happy with the way things are between them. There’s no need to rush. There never was a need to rush anything with Seungkwan in the first place and that’s why he’s always felt so comfortable with him.

 

He continues holding Seungkwan’s hand for the remainder of the flight and even manages to sneak a kiss or two onto the elder’s forehead without waking him up. 

  
  
  


. . . . . 

  
  


Seungkwan’s still a bit groggy even after they touch down in Jeju and manage to collect their bags. Even though Seungkwan is the native here, Vernon has to take the responsibility of leading his very sleepy boyfriend through the airport by their interlocked hands as well as managing to follow all of the mumbled instructions that he manages to catch from Seungkwan’s lips. 

 

“Didn’t you sleep enough on the plane?” Vernon asks out with a small chuckle as Seungkwan ends up leaning up against his side as soon almost immediately after they find a place to sit in the passenger pick up area. “I know all of our friends call you Diva Boo, but if you keep this up you’re about to become a Sleeping Beauty. Might have to add princess to your long list of nicknames.” 

 

Seungkwan only manages to roll his eyes at him for a second before his head drops back down to Vernon’s shoulder. “Not funny. And for your information, I could barely sleep last night. I was too excited and nervous and a bunch of other things in between to even concentrate on falling asleep.” 

 

“Nervous?” Vernon blinked to himself in slight confusion. “Why would you be nervous? This is your home. You’re always saying you miss Jeju like crazy and you’re dying to come back here.” 

 

“It’s…. complicated.” The elder hesitates for just a second more before letting a small sigh fall past his lips. After all, based on his facial expressions alone he knew couldn’t really hide anything even if he wanted to so he might as well just say everything that’s on his mind. “It’s a little different because you’re here with me this time. I’m happy that you’re here, but I hope you like it as much as I do and I hope all of my friends and family are going to like you as well. I mean, I already know that they will but still… I just worry about if you’re really going to like it here or not.” 

 

Seungkwan doesn’t even have to continue on anymore because Vernon already understands what he’s worrying about. He would feel exactly the same way if he was bringing Seungkwan back to the States with him as well. He’d probably be constantly wondering if he’s having a hard time adjusting to living a new place, if his parents are going to approve of their relationship or not, and as well as every little possibility that could go wrong in between. It’s exactly because Vernon can understand him so well that he’s there to let his hand move over to pat the top of Seungkwan’s own reassuringly. 

 

“I know what you’re thinking so you don’t have explain any further. In fact, maybe there’s a few things that I was worrying about too… Like how are you going to introduce me to your parents? Are you thinking about coming out to them and including me in that part of the conversation? Or would you just assume to let them figure it out afterwards? Or if you’re not planning to tell them yet, that’s fine too. I’m just wondering about how we should act from now on now that we’re here.” 

 

“I don’t know, Hansol. I really don’t. I wanted to wait a bit and see how things play out before we make any decisions, but I’m not sure how long we’ll be able to keep our hands off each other before they’ll find out.” Although Seungkwan seems a bit concerned about how things will happen exactly, at least he’s able to make a small joke at that part and laugh a bit under his breath. “Either way, we don’t have to think about this anymore right now. I’m sure when the time is right we’ll know. Let’s just enjoy the summer and see what happens.” 

 

“Amen to that.” Vernon replies back with a small smile and nod of his head before leaning over to place a very affectionate and rather wet kiss to Seungkwan’s cheek, in which he whines in response to but he clearly doesn’t hate it by the way a small smile starts to form all over again. “Anyways though, don’t your sisters know about us already though? That’s one less thing to worry about.” 

 

Seungkwan doesn’t have to think for even a second before nodding. “Yeah, they’ve known that I’ve been into guys even before I met you. I mean, I was even a little popular with the girls back at my school but I never ended up daing anyone of them. I feel like they kind of started speculating because I never showed interested in anyone really, not even the guys either because I was too careful of being found out. But then I moved to Seoul and I stopped caring anymore so… yeah, then you happened and we all know where that went.” 

 

“I’m just glad Seoul brought out some of that freedom for both of us then.” Vernon laughs softly for a moment before getting lost in his next thoughts all over again. “I know Jeju might constrict some of our public displays of affection though. People know you here. We can’t exactly be so open in public anymore so let me know if I’m overstepping my limits anytime.” 

 

With the rising of the elder’s shoulders upwards to shrug, seungkwan just lets out a relaxed sigh as a little smile plays at the corners of his lips. “You know what, Hansol? I don’t even care anymore. So what if people see us holding hands or sneak in a kiss or two? I’m going to act the same as I always do and if someone sees us and decides to tell my parents, then they find out that way. It’s no big deal or the end of the world or anything like that. Actually, maybe it would saves us from having to make the awkward conversation with my parents in the first place.” 

 

Vernon just laughs along with Seungkwan’s own soft laughter before looping an arm around his shoulders. He’s just so happy like this. They’re not doing anything special and right now is as simple and ordinary as things can be, but he’s still so so happy. “Whatever you say, Boo. Just do things at your own pace and I’ll follow along with you.” 

 

There’s a few minutes of comfortable silence that pass in between them before Seungkwan’s eyes light up at the sight of a car pulling up in front of them. Before Vernon can really process what’s going on, Seungkwan is quick to rise up from the bench and drag his luggage carelessly behind him to greet the person in the passenger seat. Vernon only manages to hear a small  _ “noona” _ amidst the muffled sobbing and emotions that get in the way but he finally knows what’s going on. 

 

While Seungkwan is completely overjoyed to the point tears at the sight of his sisters, Vernon takes the role of loading both of their bags into the trunk of the car with an amused expression on his face. He expected exactly this from Seungkwan. He could barely last for a simple phone call with his family without tearing up at least once in conversation so he just knew the floodgates were going to open up as soon as he caught sight of one of them. 

 

Seungkwan’s practically climbing through the window of his eldest sister’s car in order to hug the younger one. It seems like just the two of them are transporting them back to their home so Vernon allows Seungkwan a few more moments of emotional outburst before gently ushering his boyfriend to finally take a seat inside the car. 

 

The Boo sisters introduce themselves with bright kind smiles that remind Vernon so much of Seungkwan himself. Maybe their friendliness ran in the family or something. Along with that, they also have the same round cheeks that bubble into little happy circles as they listen to all of Seungkwan’s light complaining about it being a whole year since they last saw each other, and the fact that they never even offered to come and visit him in Seoul. Although both of his sisters are older and have their own careers, husbands, and general adult lives to worry about, they still make enough time to coddle their baby brother and wipe away all of his stubborn tears from before. 

 

“Why isn’t mom here?” Seungkwan manages to mumbled out a bit difficulty since his nose is all stuffed up from burst of happy crying only minutes earlier.

 

“Because she has to work, silly.” The younger of the sisters manages to turn around in the front seat to talk more easily with them. “Do you think she would seriously take a day off just to come and pick you up? You’re already twenty years old, Seungkwannie. You could have taken the bus home.” 

 

Although her words are purely meant for some light teasing, Seungkwan pouts a bit anyways. “Yeah, but it’s been one whole year.” He makes sure to emphasize for his sake of the argument. “I thought I’m supposed to be special to you guys and all…” 

 

With a playful laugh, his sister reaches back to cup her brother’s cheek within her hand and give it a few affectionate pats as if she’s playing into all of his whining. It’s clearly working on her. “You  _ are  _ special. The most special. That’s why both of your lovely sisters skipped work today just to pick you and your boyfriend up instead of making you travel all that long way on the bus.” 

 

The eldest of the Boo siblings smiles at them through the mirror but keeps her attention on the road. “In reality, we just came here because we wanted to impress Hansol. After all, he’s new here so we have to show him some hospitality.” As she says this, Vernon bows his head a little in thanks and she laughs a bit in response. “All kidding aside though, we’re happy to have you staying with us. It feels like you’re already part of the family because we’ve heard so much about you from Seungkwan already. And of course he’s said nothing but very nice things.” 

 

“Oh, really?” Vernon raises an eyebrow up in questioning as he glances between her and back to Seungkwan. Although he’s surprised that Seungkwan would go to the point of putting in a good word for him and he’s thankful for all of that, he can’t help himself from letting a grin from form on his features. “I’m curious. What kind of things did he mention?” 

 

Seungkwan just shakes his head vehemently. “Nope, we’re not doing this.”

 

The younger of the sisters is quick to speak over him anyways though. “I remember something about you taking Seungkwan out for dinner on his birthday and staying out with him all night on a playground or something? Talking and watching the stars? Something really romantic like that.” 

 

“That was before we were dating so it wasn’t even romantic! ” Seungkwan is quick to defend himself but his other older sister is equally as quick to betray him. 

 

“He said you have movie marathons of all his favorite musicals and cheesy Disney movies without even bothering to complain once. Also there was something about sharing blankets but I don’t want to pry....” 

 

“That started before we were dating too so that was purely platonic.” Seungkwan clarified. “Plus you’re already prying.” 

 

Vernon can’t help himself from letting out a chuckle as he watches his boyfriend trying to bicker back and forth with them and the uselessness of it all. Their playful nature reminds him exactly of Seungkwan in this aspect as well, especially the fact that they’re quick to voice out their thoughts without really thinking about the consequences either. They’re brutally honest and Vernon respects that about them. 

 

He’s biting back his own laughter at their continuous play fighting, but manages to give Seungkwan a soft nudge in the shoulder. “Hm… it seems like you’ve been talking a lot about me even before we started dating, huh? It seems like someone had a bit of a crush before we even made things official…” 

 

Seungkwan can roll his eyes all he wants but he can’t hide his reddening cheeks from being ganged up on by all three of them. 

  
  
  


. . . . . 

  
  


The house that Seungkwan grew up in isn’t anything special. It’s in a more tucked in part of the island and a bit far away from the beautiful beach landscapes and the busy town centers, but it’s exactly the fact that it’s separated from everything else that it makes it all the more relaxing. There’s something inside of Vernon that’s missed living in an actual house and somewhat of a suburb at that. It seems like the perfect place for them to get away from the endless hustle and bustle of Seoul’s streets for just a little while before their school lives rush on again.

 

Seungkwan’s home seems to be a mix of something modern and traditional all in one, where the cluttered houses of the neighboring homes have a range of thatched roofs coupled along with more Western structured buildings. Despite being tucked in among the rest of the homes and barely having much of a yard to use, at least there’s a few stories to hold the entire Boo family with all of their children. Vernon can’t help but to think it’s on the smaller side compared to his own house back in New York, where even their giant home couldn’t get him far enough away from Sofia in their days of immature pre-teen bickering. 

 

Although the decor is rather rustic and earthy toned compared to the artful decorations his own parents plaster all around the house, Vernon feels calm almost immediately after he enters. It’s clear that this house has been blessed by a mother’s touch and from all the praise he’s been hearing from Seungkwan, he’s really looking forward to meeting Mrs. Boo. He’s only been inside for about a minute or two before a content smile settles in on his features. It already feels like home here. 

 

Perhaps that’s because it reminds him of Seungkwan so much. 

 

“Ugh, I’m so full!” Seungkwan nearly groans out as they make their way into the living room and immediately drop their bags in the center of the floor. They just got back from a giant lunch paid for by Seungkwan’s sisters and honestly, Vernon might have gone a little overboard with all of the Jeju seafood because it was so damn good and tasted so different from anything he’s ever tried before. Both of them are equally as exhausted and full to the point of discomfort. “I know we just got here but I feel another nap coming on. Would you mind if we sleep a little and do something more exciting later?” 

 

It was still early in the afternoon. They had a few hours before Seungkwan’s parents came home from their jobs and both of his older sisters would join them much later for dinner. It was just the two of them. All alone in this house. Vernon was feeling a little too buzzed with all of the vacation excitement stirring in his system already. 

 

“Take me to your room?” He suggested with the slight rise of an eyebrow. He had predicted that Seungkwan would just roll his eyes and swat at his arm or something at his lame attempt in flirting but instead he received a knowing smile in exchange. Then he found himself being pulled up the stairs by a tight hold around his wrist. 

 

“Keep in mind I haven’t been here in like a year…” Seungkwan happened to mention as they ascended to the second story of the home and down a small hallway. “If it’s dusty then forgive my absence, but I have a good feeling that mom’s been taking care of everything well.” 

 

Vernon only manages to nod a little as he’s soon distracted by the room he enters. 

 

It’s just so  _ Seungkwan _ . 

 

Everything down to the carefully chosen palette of colored clothes hanging up in his closet, to the pile of soft and pastel blankets and cushions perfectly placed on his bed, to the little small pictures of him smiling happily with his friends hung up on a little string with clothespins. It’s so like Seungkwan. There’s a few out of place objects, such as various souvenirs he’s collected or precious gifts he’s accumulated here and there, but they all seem to fit in so naturally in a way that Vernon doesn’t exactly know how to explain. Every little thing holds an importance though. Those small little details, they all hold stories about his youth and all of the experiences that happened within the walls of this room, along with the memories and fragments of time trapped within these insignificant looking objects. Nothing is meaningless because it’s all a part of Seungkwan. 

 

The past, the present, the future. It’s all part of Seungkwan. 

 

They’ve got a bit of time to catch up on because they’ve met later in life than either of them wanted, but Vernon still looks forward to the parts of Seungkwan he’ll grow to love even more and more with the passing of time. He’s distracted with how he can already learn more about him already.

 

Vernon gets a bit lost in the moment as he makes his way over to Seungkwan’s desk. Although it’s organized rather neatly, there’s still a collection of various books stacked upon the table. A small collection of albums rests nearby. Little note cards and letters from his high school days are saved and punched into a bulletin board with tacks. There’s numerous pictures of him surrounded by friends and family members, with that signature bubbly cheeked smile on his face that he’d grown to love so much. As Vernon holds up a picture to take a better look, a warm smile appears on his features before he can really notice it taking its form there. 

 

Seungkwan, who had taken a seat down on the edge of his bed had been watching him a bit with interest. “Why do you have that weird look on your face? That’s just a picture from a middle school field trip.” He asked out almost amusedly as he examined Vernon. “Is it really that interesting?” 

 

“Of course it’s interesting.” Vernon was quick to reply back without even thinking much. “You’re interesting. It’s kind of strange how we can spend almost every day together. We live our lives side by side, literally sleeping in the same room together every night and constantly want to spend more time than necessary just because we like each other so much… but there’s still so many things we don’t know about each other. I felt like I knew you so personally already but there’s still a lot I’m missing out on...” 

 

As Vernon’s tone got much more sentimental the almost playful grin on Seungkwan’s face faded away and was replaced by more of a serious expression instead. One of searching and deep thinking uncertainty taking over. There was a moment of silence between them until he finally found his answer. “Well… does any of that even matter?” He asked out rather hesitantly as his eyes moved upwards to meet Vernon’s stare. “My feelings are already so strong for you now, Hansol. Why do you feel like we have to make up for lost time and long for the past when we’re so happy now?” 

 

Vernon can only smile softly to himself as he momentarily decides to put the picture back down in it’s rightful resting place and bring himself over to the side of Seungkwan’s bed to join him there. Almost immediately after he sits down, his hand moves to cup his lover’s cheek and pull him into a gentle kiss. It’s soft, and surely Seungkwan can feel him smiling against his lips, but it’s nothing but his happiness that he wants to convey over to him right now. 

 

While his hand is still resting on his cheek, even after he’s pulled away from letting his lips linger on Seungkwan’s own, he whispers. “It’s because I’m so happy with you right now that I want to know even more about you, Seungkwan. I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to get enough of you. So whether it be the good or the bad, the past or present, or even your plans for the future, I hope that you can share everything with me. Hell, I don’t think I’d ever get tired of your ranting or all of your ridiculous stories so please- don’t ever hold back from letting me know what’s on your mind because I want to know it all.” 

 

Vernon manages to chuckle a bit at the end of his sentence before Seungkwan’s tugging on the collar of his shirt and their lips meet in a sloppy kiss. His teeth bump against Seungkwan’s lip in a way that’s almost certainly got to hurt a little bit from Seungkwan’s side of things, but it’s not at all awkward in the slightest. He’s grown so comfortable with Seungkwan, nothing ever could be enough to create any distance between them anymore. Once he’s recovered from colliding rather forcefully with the other, Vernon doesn’t hesitate to start kissing him back with all of the emotions in his heart that lead him further towards loving Seungkwan.

 

He cups the latter’s cheek with all of the gentleness he can manage but eventually they find themselves pushing and shoving each other down to lay on the mattress, where limbs are entangled and it’s hard to remember where he begins and Seungkwan ends. All that really matters is that he loves Seungkwan so much that it actually makes him want to cry because he never knew he could even feel so overwhelmed just by the presence of another person. He’s honestly so happy fromt he bottom of his heart that he’s so thankful for Seungkwan even existing. But before everything can get the best of him and he ends up sputtering out some nervous confession, Seungkwan pulls away. 

 

The older male is pressing him into the mattress rather firmly from his position hovering above. There’s something livid stirring within Seungkwan’s dark brown eyes. His lips are clearly red and swollen, even tainted somewhat by Vernon’s own saliva shining against them, but as his chest heaves up and down for the need to breathe and as a little huff of air passes out from those lips, Vernon can only move to lock his arms around Seungkwan’s neck and pull him down for even more. 

 

Something special is going to happen this summer. He can already feel it resonating.

  
  
  


. . . . .

  
  


They only kissed. Well, there was a bit more than that but definitely nothing more than what they’ve usually been doing for the past few months now. Despite being the simple action of lips on lips and some wandering of  hands, Seungkwan’s looking rather disheveled in a way that definitely looks like something much more happened than waking up with some simple bedhead. Vernon’s got about three or four hickeys already lining up on his collarbone, as well as one that’s forming on the tip of his ear from having it nipped at a little too much. It’s almost sunset and the heat has cooled off, so at least he can use the excuse of the night’s chill to pull on a heavy sweatshirt that hides everything perfectly. 

 

Vernon woke up from their nap first because he had heard some noise downstairs and most likely it was Seungkwan’s parents returning home from work for the day. 

 

“Babe,” Vernon whispers out quietly under his breath as he gives Seungkwan’s shoulder a light shake to rouse him. “I think at least one of your parents are home. If they’re the type who like to come in your room without knocking, you might want to wake up and look a little less, well- a little less… taken advantage of?” 

 

Something seems to click inside of Seungkwan suddenly and he’s sitting up straight as soon as Vernon reminds him. “Shit, you’re right. How bad do I look?” 

 

Although there’s definitely more than a few strands of hair sticking out in various directions, Vernon only momentarily tries to push them down before leaning in to gently peck his lips with a playful smile. “You look nice. You look like you’re all mine and I like it that way.” 

 

“No time for flirting.” He’s quick to insist as he turns his head to the side to dodge any more kisses to come. “I know I got a little too excited because honestly, I’ve always dreamed about what it would be like to bring a guy into my actual bedroom for the first time but this is not the time for that fantasy to play out anymore right now.” 

 

Vernon can only smile up at him toothily. “So that means if I can impress your parents then there will be plenty of time for rolling around with you in the sheets later?” 

 

Seungkwan just hits him with a pillow. Gently. “Technically yes, but you’re so damn likable that you don’t even need to try, Hansol Vernon Chwe. I feel like I’m on the losing end of this bargain.” 

 

“Hey, at least I’m not the one who went full vampire and left four giant love bites, not to mention- with an extra ear hickey forming too! Who even leaves ear hickeys anyway? Boo Seungkwan does!” 

 

Vernon gets hit with the same pillow all over again. With a little more force this time. But by the smartass look he’s got on his face, of course Vernon knows that he was practically asking for it. 

  
  


. . . . . 

 

The rest of their first night in Jeju consisted of another huge family dinner but this time prepared by Seungkwan’s loving mother. It almost seemed like she had been working all week to make enough side dishes for this one dinner alone and even after the table was all placed and set, the fridge was still filled with all of Seungkwan’s favorite things for them to snack on all throughout the week. She had really gone all out this time to make up for the lost time with her son and his new best friend. 

 

Not only was Seungkwan’s mother kind enough to ask Vernon about what his favorite things to eat were and made sure to place them out for dinner, but she also enveloped him him with a perfectly tight hug in order to welcome him to the family. She went in for the hug almost immediately after she had caught sight of him and Vernon instantly new that he liked her. Seungkwan’s father seems much more on the quiet side and much more reserved compared Seungkwan and all the other females in the family, but he’s still active in asking enough questions about Vernon’s family and his own personal interests that he feels well included. Although his way of showing his interest is much less direct, at least Vernon still feels like he cares when it comes to getting to know him. 

 

Vernon likes Seungkwan’s family a lot. He’s never felt left out from the conversation even once, never felt like he needed to stretch himself to be something he wasnt, and the way Seungkwan’s mother and sisters make sure to offer new kinds of food onto his plate make him feel like his company well appreciated. They almost dote on him as much as they dote on Seungkwan so that must mean something. He’s thankful and of course he feels good about being so openly welcomed. 

 

Despite feeling perfectly happy here, he’s finally feeling a bit homesick now. It’s kind of strange for a sense of homesickness to kick in now of all times, especially since he’s been living in Korea for quite awhile now and he had never really felt something like this before, but he starts to think that it would be much more fun if his own family could be here and they could all share the moment together. 

 

Vernon doesn’t think about it too much. There’s always time to be thinking about bringing their families together much later in the future. Instead of seeming like some far off dream it seems much more realistic of happening now that they’ve finally taken the step of meeting the first half of the family though. Maybe next summer he’ll even get the chance to bring Seungkwan to New York to meet his own side of the family. Then after that they could all meet in the middle somewhere for some big family reunion. Vernon’s already imagining it and he’s starting to think that it would mean a lot for them to do so. 

 

After a long dinner filled with many funny conversations about Seungkwan’s past, a lot of constant laughter and delicious foods, they all move into the living room in order to settle down and watch some movie of the Boo Sibling’s choosing. Seungkwan’s mother lights sweet scented candles and dims the lights, leaving all of the windows open for the warm night’s breeze to drift through the room in the most pleasant way. Seungkwan’s father pulls out an old family album of photos and passes them over to Vernon with a rather playful grin, in which Vernon relishes in looking through the pictures of Seungkwan’s youth in order to tease him a bit more. He had been a good sport during dinner and put up with his whole family telling amusing stories about him, but now he can’t help but to hide his face in his hands as they pass around a humorous picture of a toddler Seungkwan in the bathtub. It’s the classic cringey stuff that no one wants to show to the person they’re dating, like the pictures of their baby self throwing a fit and crying for no particular reason, or the awkward teenage years where they’ve got edgy side bangs and a really bad haircut. It’s all so precious but so enjoyable to tease about.  

 

Even after Seungkwan’s parents head off to bed for the night and the two of them are left alone with the sisters, they still stay up awhile longer to watch another movie and have fun in each other’s company. Seungkwan and Vernon had been casually sharing a blanket this whole time but now with a little more freedom, Seungkwan’s hand searches for his own under the blanket and they keep their together not so hidden under there. Vernon decides to let his head rest on his lover’s shoulder as well, not fearing that the adults would even come downstairs to check on them because they would probably just look at them and not even care to judge. He felt a good read from them earlier. 

 

Seungkwan’s eldest sister is a little skeptic though. As she happens to catch a glance at both of them reveling in each other’s company she lets out a bit of an unsettled sigh. “I don’t want to be a downer and ruin the mood but… are you even going to tell them, Seungkwan?” 

 

“No.” Seungkwan manages to shake his head a little from it’s slightly awkward position resting up against Vernon’s own. “I mean, I’m not totally against it but I probably won’t tell them unless they pick up on something and ask me first. Then I’ll come clean with everything.” 

 

She stares at him for a moment longer, as if she’s holding something back and she just can’t bring herself to say it. “Just let me know if there’s anything we can do to help. If anything ever happens and you want to sleep at my place, you’re free to stay anytime.” 

 

“The same goes for my place as well.” Seungkwan’s sister chimes in from where she’s seated on the floor as she turns around a little to look at them. “I know it’s a bit smaller, but it beats trying to hide your feelings towards each other all summer when the parents are around. At least you could have some more freedom if you stay with one of us.” 

 

Seungkwan smiles sweetly at their offer but still shakes his head resolutely. “It means a lot that you’ve got my back in all of this but I don’t think I’ll be needing any help. If they find out, then they find out. I’m not scared of letting them know about us but I’m not going to make a big deal out of confessing to them either.” As Seungkwan let them know about his plan they both shared understanding nods, as if they could relate to Seungkwan’s feelings directly without being in the same situation themselves. “Besides, the way that I see things is that I don’t want to labed as their  _ “gay” _ child. I just want to be the Seungkwan they love, not the Seungkwan who they love but unfortunately happens to like boys as well. I know there are times when I want to be like;  _ hi, I’m Seungkwan and I’m very gay _ , but that’s not the only thing I want to be. Just to be summed up as their gay son seems like such a waste. It would be like throwing away all of the other things I’ve worked so hard to like about myself in the process.” 

 

As Seungkwan speaks his mind so confidently, Vernon watches the two sisters share knowing looks as they turn to each other and smile in a way that Vernon doesn’t exactly know how to read at this point. It’s like they’re communicating something in a secret language between them. He’s not sure if it’s a girl thing or a sibling thing but Vernon doesn’t really try to understand.

 

He’s just proud of his Seungkwan so he leans in to place a soft kiss to his cheek, along with a supportive smile to accompany it. “Well said, Boo.” 

 

Seungkwan’s eldest sister smiles warmly over at him as well and now maybe Vernon kind of understands. “Just one year in Seoul and are Seungkwannie is already growing up into something special, huh?” 

  
  


. . . . . 

 

It’s nearly three in the morning when they finish watching movies and the sisters head back to their own places. It would be perfect timing to head off to sleep and get ready for the next day of plans, but the two of them are restless and excited from all the vacation possibilities already. Plus they had taken a pretty long nap earlier so it would have been a impossible to sleep anyways. 

 

Instead, they decide to go out for a midnight walk. 

 

The Jeju weather is perfect for wandering in the middle of the night. Now only is the atmosphere beautiful but there’s something rather silent about the neighborhood around this time of night. It’s the magical time of night to hear the melodic chirping of the cicadas, as well as have the clearest view of the stars that shine brightly overhead. There’s no light pollution, no confusion of flashing airplanes, or no worries about anyone else interrupting their quiet night date. Reality always seems altered at times like this. It’s almost like this night was meant for only the two of them to enjoy. 

 

They’re dressed in comfy hoodies as they walk into the nearest town center which is still a little far away. They hold hands underneath the baggy sleeves of their oversized clothing but the material only keeps them warm as they walk on throughout the night. The thrill of the upcoming summer season brings on a sense of peculiar excitement which has them skipping in their steps for no reason sometimes, as well as pulling and tugging onto each other’s sweatshirt sleeves  like they’re hands or something silly like that. Seungkwan’s got bits and pieces of a song on his lips that he sings softly under his breath while they swing their interlocked hangs between the empty space between them. 

 

When they come across a 24 hour convenience store, they make a quick pitstop to grab some ice cream treats out of the freezer to enjoy. They bicker a little about which one each other should choose so that they can share them back and forth and Vernon finds a truly happy smile forming on his face just from deciding something so insignificant like this. It’s kind of funny how they’re just walking down the street hand in hand and enjoying their ice creams but he thinks he’s never been happier. It’s seems like as long as Seungkwan’s by his side, even the small things in life can find a way to make him happy. 

 

By the time they end up at the closest beach, both of them are finished with their snacks. Vernon didn’t even know where Seungkwan had been intending to take him but as soon as he heard the sound of distantly crashing waves and a salty smell in the breeze, a delighted smile formed on his face. Back where he lived in the States, he rarely ever had access to a beach because it was so far away. He almost feels like he’s a kid again simply because of how happy it makes him to finally be able to experience it again. 

 

He’s practically running the rest of the way there as Seungkwan giggles about how enthusiastically he’s being pulled along with him to reach the san as quickly as possible. Vernon doesn’t really stop until they reach the edge of the water and he’s still amazed that they’re really on an actual beach right now. It was so unexpected he’s practically grinning ear to ear. He can’t resist the urge to wrap his arms around Seungkwan’s waist to pick him up and spin him around like they’re in one of those fairy tales or something. He’s just so happy he can’t believe it. Vernon’s been feeling this way a lot as of lately. 

 

It’s quite dark but they’re almost certain that no one is around them at this time of night. It’s lucky no one is there to watch them because they definitely lose control of their images. For some reason Vernon starts to chase Seungkwan  all over the beach and they end up turning it into a game of tag, in which once Vernon finally catches up to him he’ll gift him with an endless amount of wet and overly affectionate kisses all over his face. Seungkwan will let out a pretty laugh and try to push him away but that will only result in Vernon wrapping his arms around his waist more tightly and kissing him for real this time, in a way he certainly knows that Seungkwan definitely can’t tear himself away from willingly. 

 

Once they grow tired from chasing each other around they take a walk on the shoreline and try to pick out little seashells that look special. It’s too dark to really find anything good though, and the moonlight only gives them a little sliver of light to work with. They’ll have to try again once they come back in the daytime some other day. In the meantime they settle for throwing little pieces of gooey seaweed at each other and pretending to be grossed out by it. They might be in their twenties but that doesn’t mean they’re going to stop teasing each other so immaturely when it’s just so fun to do so. 

 

Eventually they come to an area of rocks that rise up to form somewhat of a cliffside over the waves. From here they can watch the waves crashing against other rocks below and the giant impact that it brings. They take a seat there and find themselves watching the patterns of the waves below, as it comes off almost peaceful to watch the sea foam bubble up into little puffs that resemble clouds. 

 

As they relax in the comfortable moment, Seungkwan glances over at Vernon with a rather hopeful smile. “So… what kind of adventures do you want to get into this summer?” 

 

Vernon has his eyes locked on the horizon line, where the rolling waves of the deep dark sea seem to melt perfectly into the night sky that’s filled with stars. His shoulders shrug up unmindfully. He doesn’t have a care in the world. “I don’t know. Going to a night festival and try all the food at the street vendors? Go to an amusement park? Go to all of the stylish cafes just to try some sweets? Visit your old school and camp out on the playground there? Go to a movie theatre and sneak into a bunch of other movies without paying? The list is endless. I want to do everything.” 

 

Seungkwan can only laugh a little before shaking his head. He should have expected that kind of answer from Vernon, who is always so indecisive and just about open for anything that happens to him naturally without complaining. That’s why Seungkwan generally tends to plan out all of their date plans. “Then let’s do everything.” He decides rather certainly once he stops chuckling at Vernon under his breath.  “Let’s just wake up and decide what we want to do on a whim every day. We won’t have a bucket list of unfulfilled ideas to worry about later if we do everything spontaneously.” 

 

“Do plans even matter?” Vernon has to ask out as he tears his eyes away from the landscape to glance back over to Seungkwan instead. “As long as I’m with you, what we end up doing together only seems to be a side thought in the end.”

 

Seungkwan reaches out for his hand and holds onto it for awhile before speaking. 

 

“Then stay with me for as long as you can then.” 


	32. loving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the final chapter. 
> 
> please read the ending notes.
> 
> i've decided to open up a ko-fi account for those who are interested in supporting my writing further. each chapter takes me about 3~5 hours to write. despite my chapters always being free, i have created an account where you can choose to pledge just a few dollars if you'd like to support my stories. i'm in the process of coming up with ways to give back to those who have already donated, such as polls, special requests, or maybe even commissions. if you're interested in checking this out, you can visit: ko-fi.com/citruseungkwan

After enjoying their first night in Jeju simply walking around and enjoying the city together, it was only when they arrived back home that a sense of reality set back in. 

 

It was extremely past 4am when they started feeling tired enough to return home and sleep. Today had definitely been a long day, filled with all ofnthat travel and all the nerves from finally meeting Seungkwan’s parents and then getting completely settled into life in Jeju. Vernon’s eyes were nearly ready to shut as they made their way up the stairs to Seungkwan’s bedroom, with the male’s hand locked protectively around his wrist much similarly to how they did earlier that day. As they opened the door to their final destination, a frown instantly formed on Seungkwan’s face. 

 

Already positioned on the floor were blankets prepared for Vernon. 

 

“I know mom’s trying to be nice and all but did she even think of the possibility that we’re probably comfortable enough to be sharing a bed by now? I mean, we practically live together as it is…” Seungkwan admits with a small pout on his face as he just stares down at the blankets. “Or maybe I’m just being paranoid but I kind of feel like she already assumed we’re something more than just friends by doing this? It’s almost like she doesn’t want be to sharing a bed with my boyfriend or something like that? Please tell me I’m just being paranoid.” Seungkwan let out a bit of a sigh as he flopped down onto his own bed rather dramatically, making Vernon laugh a little under his breath.

 

“No, I don’t think it’s like that. I think she’s just trying to be a nice host mom by preparing the blankets for me so I feel more comfortable.” As Vernon takes a seat onto the nice pile of soft blankets and pillows that were provided for them, he watched Seungkwan quite amusedly as the other shot him a rather skeptical look at what he was doing.

 

“Yeah, but she’s never done that for any of my other friends before.” He emphasized a lot more, seemingly not feeling so tired at all anymore now that he was getting worked up about this. “And why are you already sitting there and already accepting defeat? Get in my bed, we’re going to sleep together like we always do.” 

 

Vernon just smiled softly and shook his head. “Nah, I’m perfectly fine to sleep here. Even if for some reason she does have suspicions about us, I think it’s better off to be respectful of her wishes and sleep down here instead.” 

 

Seungkwan made sure he was sitting up enough to be able to look him in the eyes. “Hansol Vernon Chwe, I can’t believe you’re going against my wishes by trying to be respectful to my mother. How horrible of you.” 

 

“Really, Boo, you know I don’t mean anything by choosing to sleep on the floor for a night or two.” As he said this, Vernon chose to make his way over to his sulking boyfriend, only to wrap his arms around him tightly to try and somewhat soothe his incessant whining. Boo Seungkwan just liked the attention and they both knew at. “Besides, aren’t her feelings going to be hurt if she sees the blankets all unused and unwanted? I should sleep there for a few nights or so and then sneak my way back into your bed.” 

 

Seungkwan just shook his head from side to side lightly, being stubborn like usual, and because his lips were slightly jutting out in more of a pout than before Vernon basically had to acknowledge the fact that he noticed with a kiss. 

 

“I’ll only let you sleep on the floor as long as you hold my hand...” Seungkwan decided with a compromise as he blinked up at Vernon in a way that did a whole bunch of funny things to his heart. Vernon couldn’t even think of doing anything other than clutching him in his arms even tighter and squeezing the boy. “I’m not used to sleeping without you anymore so I might have to suffer by tossing and turning around for hours, but I guess I’ll have to put up with that…” 

 

“No more whining, or else we’ll never get to sleep if you keep it up.” He insisted with a small shake of Seungkwan in his arms, trying to get rid of that pout. “Now go brush your teeth and get ready for bed. If you’re lucky, maybe I’ll even find my way into your bed when your parents leave for work in a few hours.” 

 

Seungkwan lets out a longer sigh than before but he untangles himself from Vernon’s hold and starts off towards the bathroom. That’s until he stops by the doorway and turns around at the last second. 

 

“Fine…. but I won’t like it.” 

 

“I didn’t expect you to.” Vernon can only respond back with a chuckle as he makes his way down to his own place to sleep. “We’ll make up for it later though. I promise.” 

 

And he keeps that promise. Although his arm didn’t hurt too much from laying in it’s rather awkward position to reach for Seungkwan’s hand that was dangling off of the bed all night, he still somehow found himself wanting more contact. It’s kind of funny how they’re practically together every possible moment they can simply because they like it that way, but even when they do have to be apart Vernon always finds himself missing Seungkwan. Even when he’s literally right here and they’re still kind of touching, he still feels like he misses him for some reason. As soon as Vernon hears the parents leave the house for their early morning jobs, he’s quick to find his way into Seungkwan’s bed where the other is unusually already up and awaiting for him. 

 

Over the first week that they spend sleeping in different beds, Vernon really doesn’t mind it too much. He’s perfectly content with being separated only to the point of holding hands because even that simple touch is enough for him. He finds comfort in the soft fingers that trace patterns over the back of his hand in the night and the subtle grasping and light squeezing when his partner shifts in his sleep. Vernon might like the simplicity of things but as for Seungkwan, he actually hates it. Sometimes not even an hour into laying down Seungkwan ends up giving up on his restless attempts of sleep altogether and just allows himself inside of Vernon’s blankets. Of course Vernon doesn’t protest, but at least they try to be respectful of the house rules, even if they weren't exactly laid out in the first place. 

 

After about a whole week of trying, they just give up on trying to sleep apart. 

 

Vernon always accepts him with open arms when Seungkwan tries to sneak beside him to sleep. Now he’s practically expected the other to end up in his bed at least once a night so sometimes he’d be up waiting himself. Either way, worrying about Seungkwan’s parents walking in them in the morning doesn’t seem to matter much anymore. It’s almost as if they’re waiting to be caught now so they can just let the secret out already. It would be much more easy if things played out that way instead of initiating the conversation. 

 

On one particular night, Vernon is enjoying Seungkwan being all warm and cuddly up against him. He’s letting his fingertips play around in Seungkwan’s hair and he’s admiring the way the soft strands delicately slip behind his ear in the pale moonlight that slips through the window. He’s pretty much love drunk off of Seungkwan right now so he leans down to plass a deep kiss onto the male’s lips even though he’s presumably sleeping. It’s only because Vernon just can’t help himself. 

 

But then afterwards, Seungkwan is looking up at him so clearly that it’s all too obvious that he wasn’t sleeping at all. Vernon wants to laugh a little bit and maybe apologize for trying to sneak a kiss in while he was sleeping but Seungkwan’s eyes are looking at him so dark and intently that all the words just end up dying on his lips. Then suddenly he’s feeling butterflies all through his stomach and there’s a funny lump forming in his throat for some reason. Now his mind is uncontrollably thinking nothing but  _ I love you _ and how badly he wants to say that instead.

 

It’s almost as if Seungkwan sees him start to freeze up so that’s why he lets his arms move to wind around his neck and pull him in closer. “What are you thinking about?” 

 

“You.” 

 

That’s all Vernon can manage right now. 

 

“What about me?” Seungkwan asks him again, now with those arms dangling around his neck he’s forced to look at nowhere other than Seungkwan and it’s not exactly helping the situation at all. It’s like a trap. There’s fingers moving upwards, lightly brushing through his hair and playfully twisting around the hairs on his nape, furthermore letting him know that there’s no way out of this hold that he has on him. It’s not only the physical aspect of having Seungkwan so close to him that’s overwhelming but the emotional hold he’s got on him that’s even more difficult to break away from. 

 

“Just.... you.” That’s all that Vernon can say before Seungkwan’s yanking him down by the hold he has on his neck to meet in a heated kiss. It doesn’t do anything to silence the incessant words of love confessions that continuously seem to be spiraling around in his mind. If anything, with every kiss and every touch, they only seem to be repeating themselves more loudly over and over again in his thoughts. 

 

It’s as if through every kiss to Seungkwan’s lips, it’s a silent affirmation of his love that he places there. 

 

Vernon would blame his over affection for Seungkwan to be messing with his thoughts but the chemistry between them is so palpable. He always felt that since the beginning but of their relationship but he’s almost certain that there’s little invisible sparks as Seungkwan’s fingers slip away from his hair, dip down to trail their way almost painfully slowly over the base of his neck and eventually find their place to cup his cheek. Those fingers pull their lips even closer to meet at an even better angle, in which when Seungkwan kisses him back with equal force he nearly feels the whole world ready to crumble down around them. He loves Seungkwan so much that he’s almost certain anything other than him right now doesn’t even matter. And maybe nothing else will matter again. 

 

The way Seungkwan’s tongue pushes past his lips without even asking permission first only furthermore proves how hopeless it would be to somehow deny that his whole soul is practically intertwined completely within the other. Vernon submits fully as he lets their bodies roll all over the bed as they kiss, fully allowing themselves to feel each and every emotion that passes between. Sometimes Seungkwan will tug at his hair a bit roughly as they fight for dominance in their kiss, which is something Vernon only puts up a fight in because he likes to see the lengths Seungkwan will go for it. Other times, the hands that Vernon keeps locked on Seungkwan’s hips like a vice allow their fingertips to sneak under the hem of his lover’s shirt, only hoping to distract him long enough to earn a gasp from his lips. Then his own tongue moves around to take the lead in guiding the elder’s instead. 

 

Overwhelming feelings of love might be clouding Vernon’s judgement as well, but as for right now, in this exact moment in time, he thinks that Seungkwan might already know that he’s hopelessly in love with him. He might even know that but he’s trying to test his limits of how long they can go without saying so or not. Either way, if Seungkwan isn’t going to say anything yet then maybe he’s not going to say anything either.  Because in this moment, he’s feeling completely loved from head to toe and it doesn’t even matter if they convey it in words or not. It’s already understood. Hopefully. 

 

Seungkwan eventually does say something though. It only came after the point of where they ended up with one Seungkwan’s legs wrapped around his waist and Vernon not so subtly pressing himself up fully against the other that ended up with them finally having to speak again. He doesn’t say anything that Vernon was expecting, but it certainly was something. 

 

“Hansol?” Seungkwan asks out after he has to forcefully pull his lips away from Vernon’s own, and it’s as if if he doesn’t want to pull away for even a second without feeling him there. 

 

“Hm?” Vernon simply asks back. He choses to ignore the way he can hear the soft tremble in the male’s voice next to him. He also chooses to ignore the way his own heart is pounding almost painfully against his own chest but he wouldn’t even care if Seungkwan noticed anyways. His own is probably doing the same.

 

“Don’t hold back anymore.” That’s all that Seungkwan has to request as he glances up into Vernon’s eyes. “Whatever it may be that you’re so lost in yourself thinking about, don’t hold back from it anymore.” 

 

“But what if…” Vernon starts to murmur out before losing confidence halfway, stopping as he shakes his head in the middle of his words. But then again, Seungkwan is right there, patiently waiting for him to come to terms with the words. “What if I’m not ready yet? What if I want to wait a little longer?” 

 

Seungkwan doesn’t even pause to think for a second before he’s smiling at Vernon with nothing but utmost gentleness. In this moment, Vernon knows that it’s all understood. That’s probably the most reassuring thing in the whole world. 

 

“We don’t have to rush into anything. It’s always been that way between us, right?” He asks as he waits for Vernon to smile back a little in return before pressing another sweet kiss to his lips. “Besides, I like doing things at our pace.” 

 

“But sometimes... I don’t want to wait. I just want to give you everything or to completely give myself to you.” Vernon admits rather quietly as he rests his head down onto Seungkwan’s shoulder to give himself some time to breathe. “You make me feel so reckless sometimes, Seungkwan. It’s not fair...” 

 

Seungkwan chuckles to himself softly in a way in which Vernon can hear the pretty little sounds resonate throughout his chest because his head is placed there. It’s comforting but he can’t seem to settle down for some reason. He just wants more and more of Seungkwan to the point where it’s starting to feel kind of embarrassing how much he needs him.

 

“Like I said, we’re taking things by our own pace.” Seungkwan had to remind him again, with his fingers moving to carefully pat at his hair a few times that only did more to soothe some of Vernon’s unrest. “That means baby steps are okay too, Hansol. It’s okay to take things slow and see how we like the pace we’re taking.” 

 

Vernon lets out a hum as he nuzzles his head into the crook of the elder’s neck, with his arms only wrapping around Seungkwan’s waist more protectively. He distracts himself with letting his lips place a few kisses onto his pulse point for a moment or two before he’s distracted by his impulses and starts to suck down on the sensitive skin there. He’s getting lost in Seungkwan all over again until he feels the body under him start to shiver slightly from all the touches. 

 

“Seungkwan…” He starts to pull back slightly, wanting to judge the look his lover’s expression more than anything right now. “What do you want?” 

 

“You.” 

 

As he repeats the answer back to the question they had been playing around with many moments earlier, there’s an almost slightly amused smile threatening to pass over Seungkwan’s lips. Vernon doesn’t let it form completely because he’s too quick to kiss it away with his impatience instead. 

 

“What do you want from me?” 

 

There’s a soft hand that rests on Vernon’s cheek. It stays there for a few seconds before Seungkwan pulls him into a much sweeter kiss, one that’s more cautious and much less rushed. “Everything.” He confesses as he lets his lips touch upon Vernon’s once again. “I’m ready for everything you want to give me.” 

 

Vernon finds himself looking at him for just a moment longer. He’s nervous. They’re both nervous. But at the same time there’s something so reassuring looking into Seungkwan’s eyes and knowing that they feel exactly the same way about each other. 

 

They’re already close, so close to the point where if he could focus intently enough, maybe he would be able to feel Seungkwan’s heart pounding against his own because their chests were almost as close together as they possibly could be. If he fully enwrapped Seungkwan in his arms through, which he was planning on doing next, perhaps they could get rid of a few more of those tiny microscopic atoms in the way of keeping them completely from being impossibly closer. Vernon was planning on that being enough to hold him over for awhile, just to feel his body fully up against Seungkwan’s like this as they kissed but it’s probably never going to be enough to tide him over.

 

He lets his fingers brush a few stray strands of hair behind Seungkwan’s hair before giving him one more kiss. It’s filled with gentleness and sincerity, as if he’s trying to show Seungkwan that even though they’re both rather nervous, they’ll always have each other to lean on for support. With the utmost carefulness, he allows for his hips to line up with Seungkwan’s own before rubbing up against him almost experimentally, testing the waters for a moment in order to see if the both of them were really ready for this type of touch yet. He keeps his hands on Seungkwan’s hips securely, ready to stop at any time if the other were to voice out that he didn’t like doing this, but as he repeats the action rather hesitantly for a second time and then a third, he feels Seungkwan’s fingertips moving towards his face to pull him into another deep kiss.

 

Seungkwan gives him the confidence he needed to keep moving forwards. Those lips gently caressing his own are furthermore proof that he’s so loved here and there’s not really any reason to feel nervous in the first place. As they kiss they let their hips take all of the natural actions that their bodies crave for. Hands wander a bit more than they ever had before, and lips part open to gasp or whimper out every time one of them particularly grinds up against the other a bit more boldly. What they’re doing tonight is new for the both of them in rather different ways, but it’s still new nonetheless. Vernon doesn’t think about much of his own needs at all because he’s trying to figure out which of his actions seem to please Seungkwan the most. After all, he’s most important here. 

 

It’s difficult to keep the gentless up after awhile. Their breathing is ragged and impossible to control, even to the point where kissing just seems like a waste of time because it only furthermore impairs breathing. Their lips are already numb by the time they just decide to embrace each other and let their hips do the work from there. Vernon’s got his arms completely wrapped around Seungkwan’s form like a lifeline, holding him so tightly and never letting go as if he were the most precious thing in the whole universe. The elder has his arms draped around Vernon’s neck still, embracing him back with all the strength he has left and occasionally using his fingers to grasp at Vernon’s shirt for support. They’re both getting a little lightheaded from where their actions are taking them even though they’re simply rolling their fronts up against each other. Maybe because it’s their first time doing something like this together that it’s much more overwhelming than expected. It won’t be much longer before one of them will be forced to give into their wants first. 

 

Seungkwan squeezes his arms around Vernon’s neck tightly as a particularly strong tremble courses through his body. There’s a quiet whimper that he tries to hold back, but since he’s so closely pressed up against Vernon’s chest it’s nearly impossible to hide it from hearing distance. Vernon’s about to stop and ask him what he wants to do next, but he’s caught off guard when Seungkwan ends up asking him something else first. 

 

“Hansol…” He breathes out against Vernon’s earlobe that he was positioned particularly close to. Just the warm breath alone is enough to send a shiver down Vernon’s spine but he manages to pull himself away enough to look into Seungkwan’s eyes, ceasing all of their movements to hear him out. 

 

“Hm, what is it, Seungkwan?” 

 

Seungkwan looks up at him a bit assuredly now that they’re forced to make eye contact again. His cheeks are more reddened than ever, to the point where even the tips of his ears are flushed as well, with most of his fringe out of place from Vernon’s doing. It’s kind of cute in a way and Vernon can’t help but to smile at him softly. Boo Seungkwan is the most beautiful person he’s ever seen in his whole life and he’s all his. It’s kind of unbelievable to think about. 

 

Although Seungkwan hadn’t said what he was thinking about yet, receiving a smile from Vernon made him pause for a bit and return the smile back momentarily. It was as if something as small as that could wash away all of the shyness that had held him back from speaking his mind sooner. Seungkwan’s able to meet his eyes this time as he eases a sweet kiss onto his lips. “I was just wondering… if I could touch you?” 

 

As the words are spoken onto Vernon’s lips, he can only respond with a distracted hum and a small nod as he’s distracted with kissing Seungkwan all over again. He just loves him so much, he really doubts that there’s any way that he’ll ever grow sick of kissing him like this. Ever. Seungkwan’s lips are so plush and warm on his own that they’re easy to get distracted with, in which when the elder’s fingers start to trail down his chest and press against his front, he’s a little embarrassed by the groan that passes through his own lips and onto Seungkwan’s own. 

 

Seungkwan can only let a small laugh in response, and the fondness of it only makes Vernon feel so utterly comfortable in this moment. All of the nerves behind their actions seem to be fully gone at this point and Vernon can’t help but to think that there’s no one other than Seungkwan that he’d rather share this moment with. 

 

“Do you like this?” Seungkwan pauses to ask just to make sure one last time, although Vernon certainly looked and sounded like he was perfectly okay with all of this. 

 

And Vernon just looks at him from the pillow that they share and nods his head. “Only if you kiss me enough to keep me quiet.” He murmurs back to the love of his life as Seungkwan just laughs a little under his breath before letting his hand slip under the thin material of Vernon’s boxers. Their lips meet in another kiss as Vernon finds his own hand moving to enter inside of Seungkwan’s own. 

 

Although Vernon hadn’t really thought about this type of thing happening in Jeju, nor had he been expecting it, but that didn’t change the fact that it felt so right to make the decision of becoming even closer to Seungkwan like this. Afterwards they take individual turns cleaning up in the bathroom. As Vernon lays down against the pillow and waits for Seungkwan to return back to him, he can’t help but to wonder how things will change between them after making the decision to go further with physical boundaries in their relationship.  

 

But then again, Seungkwan’s back after changing into a new pair of pajama bottoms and rushes into the room to join him under the blankets for some more cuddling, even though they had literally been all over each other just moments before. Vernon then decides: nah, they’ll probably never change. They’re so happy already.

  
  
  


. . . . . 

 

The next morning consists of waking up well past noon and eating cereal on the couch while watching hours of cartoons. The change of Seoul to Jeju scenery doesn’t change the fact that they’re fine with doing the simplest things together. In fact, most of their days in Jeju consist of them sleeping through the warmest hours of the day in favor of going out to explore later in the day. Not only do they make a habit of returning back to the beach often and going out on midnight walks, but they also do a lot of new things as well. On the weekends, Seungkwan’s parents take them out to some of the more touristy places in long car rides. They explore all over the island when they’re together as a family and Vernon’s very thankful that they want to show him all of the exciting parts of Jeju. 

 

Although he’s thankful, that doesn’t mean that the weekends are easy to get through.

 

When Seungkwan’s parents and sisters are constantly around the house on the weekend, it’s as if they don’t get any opportunities to really act like themselves when they’re home. Vernon finds himself growing cautious when he realizes that any possible way that he looks at or touches Seungkwan could raise suspicion among his parents. Sometimes he’s quick to look away when Seungkwan’s got his gaze locked on him, or he stops himself from laughing too hard at one of his boyfriend’s jokes in case he happens to look a little too fond for him. It’s certainly not healthy to be living their lives like this. They’re not even his own parents and he still gets stressed out sometimes while trying to hold himself back. It can’t be any better for Seungkwan either.

 

They talk about coming out to Seungkwan’s parents sometimes, or at least only his mother. She seems much more involved in her son’s life anyways, but mostly because there have been countless times where she happened to walk in on Vernon hugging Seungkwan from behind while they cooked together, or Seungkwan choosing to sit on Vernon’s lap while they watched tv, or the few times that she actually did check on them while they were sleeping and found them holding hands. She would always just chuckle a bit and comment about how cute they are before moving on. 

 

It’s reassuring for the time being, but certainly they can’t hide from the subject forever.

 

Their summer days spent together mostly consist of waking up and going after whatever whim they feel like that day. Having no definite plans is part of what makes summer so special after all. It’s brought a new excitement to their dating plans now that they have an entire three months to spend together, with no distractions of school or extracurricular hobbies getting in the way. Vernon did decide to pick up a class or two online since he does fall behind Seungkwan by only one semester, but they even spend some time at the library studying for Vernon’s class together sometimes. If they work together they can get the work done in half of the time, which means more time for more elaborate plans later. 

 

An average day consisted on shopping around in the town center to look for clothes to try on together, scouring bookstores to find interesting things to read, trying a new restaurant every single time (and stopping at Seungkwan’s favorite cafes for desserts), relaxing in music stores for hours, as well as even stopping at the movie theatre or noraebang every so often. They do most of the same things in Seoul, but something about the Jeju atmosphere just makes everything seem so much more relaxing and perfect for couple bonding time. There’s no rush from the hustle and bustle of the city, with no one judging them for how they look nor really bothering to shoot them a second glance. People in Seoul care too much about other people’s business. It’s nice to be in a place where they feel like they’re in their own little world. That’s what gives Vernon the freedom to link his pinkie around with Seungkwan’s own while they walk. 

 

They share some rather interesting and not so average days together too sometimes. On particularly good weather days, they spend the morning in the kitchen trying to cook as much as possible before they go out on picnic dates together. Vernon isn’t so talented so he’s lucky that he has Seungkwan there to do the majority of the work. Sometimes their wild whims have them doing some rather different things as well, such as deciding to try hiking or volunteering at an animal shelter. They might not be things that Vernon originally had much interest in, but it seems like everything he does with Seungkwan ends up being fun. Vernon even tries to introduce Seungkwan into some of his own hobbies, like rapping along to his own music at karaoke or teaching him how to play basketball. Unfortunately Seungkwan’s got quite of a competitive nature so he ends up being challenged to volleybal next time. 

 

On a day that they decide to finally face off in Seungkwan’s favorite sport, Vernon finds himself being lead to Seungkwan’s old school. It’s a combined middle and high school due to the fact that they’re in a rather rural part of Jeju but because it’s summer there’s not many students on the school grounds. That leaves them with enough time to sneak through the halls of Seungkwan’s school for a proper tour of the campus before they make their way outside to the volleyball court. 

 

“So…what do I get when I win?” Seungkwan asks out rather proudly already as he faces Vernon on the other side of the net, tossing the ball around in his hands to get warmed up. 

 

Vernon can only roll his eyes in response. It’s a habit that he most likely picked up from Seungkwan himself. “Don’t I already give you everything you could ever want?”  

 

“Well, yeah but…” Seungkwan starts out and tries to find something else to retaliate with but he’s coming up on empty. He just gives up with a smile and decides to threaten his boyfriend with some more friendly competition instead. “I’m still going to beat you, though.” 

 

And certainly Seungkwan does put up a good game, in fact, Vernon never really expected him to be so good at any sport in general but he’s clearly wrong about assuming that. He’s really damn good and it’s kind of interesting to see a new side of Seungkwan that he didn’t even expect to be hiding in there. The thing that Seungkwan isn’t so good at is remembering that he used to be an athlete himself. The sport might be different but that doesn’t change the fact that Vernon is pretty good most sports too. He can put up an intense competition as well, so they eventually get to the point where they’re running back and forth to spike the ball like absolute maniacs on the school playground. 

 

It’s fun though because Seungkwan tends to put his all into everything. His emotions are either at 100% or nothing at all, and Vernon’s always loved the way he wears his heart on his sleeve like this. They don’t even care that they take it way too seriously and end up laughing at each other when one of them slips on the grass or ends up diving for the ball way too intently. Eventually a small group of neighborhood kids take interest in their competition and gather around to watch them. 

 

Almost immediately after Seungkwan noticed that they were being taken into interest he turned around to greet them with a smile. “Wanna join us? It seems like my friend Hansol is losing horribly and he could use some help on his team.” 

 

One of the kids approaches Seungkwan while squinting up at him. “Isn’t your name Boo something?” 

 

Seungkwan just laughs a little at the bluntness and nods a few times. “Yeah, I guess that’s me.” 

 

“My music teacher talks about you a lot. There’s a picture of you and with you holding some trophies behind her desk.” 

 

Next, a little girl wanders up behind the boy after recognizing the picture that he references. “He’s Boo Seungkwan!” She exclaims with a pointed finger. “He’s that guy who went to Seoul just because his voice is so special.” 

 

As a few more kids find themselves wandering around them, Seungkwan finds himself being the target of a million questions from these interested kids. _What’s Seoul like? Are you famous there? Can you sing for me right now?  Did you meet any famous people yet?_ Despite how many questions they sling at him, Seungkwan answers all of the questions with a pleasant smile on his face. It’s almost as if he’s just as interested in the kids as they are interested in him. He asks them some questions back as well, like who are their older siblings that attended the school or what businesses their families run. He recognizes most of the names that gets in response which only makes him smile more. 

 

It’s almost as if he forgot that Vernon was still there with him but Vernon doesn’t mind at all. He knows that Seungkwan is probably feeling nostalgic enough to be back at his old school and understands that he wants to explore some of his old hometown memories. Although Vernon can’t exactly relate, that doesn’t make him any less interested in listening in on the conversation though. There’s little stories exchanged about family interactions and old school memories and Vernon finds himself learning along with his partner's own reminiscing. They’re more parts of Seungkwan’s past that he’s grown close enough to earn access to. 

 

Seungkwan is great with the kids, whether it come to answering their incessant questions, teaching them some of his best volleyball moves, or taking song requests from them to try singing. Vernon doesn’t mind the interruption of their day at all and even finds himself joining in to play around with them. It’s a change of the usual but it’s kind of fun to switch things up for a change.

 

The day ends in Seungkwan suggesting they go to the convenience store and getting some ice creams, his treat of course. By the time he pays for all the neighborhood kids and they all disperse with their treats, Vernon and Seungkwan are left alone to walk the rest of the way home. It’s almost sunset now and the day is clearly over, but Vernon finds a fond smile growing on his features as he takes a look over at Seungkwan. 

 

Seungkwan notices and stops eating his popsicle suddenly. “Why are you smiling at me like that?” 

 

“Nothing, Seungkwan.” Vernon smiles down at the sidewalk as he tucks one of his free hands into his pocket. “It’s nothing.” 

 

Seungkwan doesn’t fully believe him that it’s just nothing. He smiles rather coyly as he lets the side of his hip playfully bump into Vernon’s own. “Hey, you can’t tell me that it’s just nothing when you’re smiling all smug like that.” 

 

“Alright, you want me to tell you then?” Vernon responds back almost equally as playfully as he moves his arm to wind around Seungkwan’s waist, pulling him a bit closer and keeping him there. There’s not many people around at this time of night so they relish the moment and bask in some physical contact. Vernon lets his fingers softly drum against the side on Seungkwan’s hip. “I was just thinking that you’re amazing, Seungkwan. I feel like everyday there’s more and more that I’m learning about you. I can’t help but to wonder how much more will you amaze me with in the future… It’s kind of scary to admit, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to learn enough about you. Maybe I’ll always be wanting to know more.” 

 

Even though they were taking their time walking on the road that leads back home, Seungkwan suddenly stops in place and looks up at Vernon. And in this moment, Vernon knows that he’s so in love with him that there’s never going to be someone like Boo Seungkwan to come into his life ever again. When he finally smiles in response to the words that Vernon gave him, Vernon’s just about decided exactly what would make him happy for the rest of his days. 

 

He’s thinking about forevers and always and all of those moments in between. 

 

When he leans in to kiss Seungkwan, his lips taste even sweeter than ever. 

  
  


. . . . . 

A few days later they end up returning back to their favorite beach on the island. It’s the one closest to Seungkwan’s home, but it’s not the location that makes it special. It’s the beach that they spent their first night at Jeju at. The same one that they spent endless afternoons splashing around in the water, play wrestling with each other on the sand, and chasing each other in affectionate games to tag that would end up with the loser receiving a flood of wet kisses all over their face. Even when they weren’t playing around to purposely drive each other crazy, they still frequented the beach just to walk along the shoreline, enjoying the atmosphere and occasionally stopping to pick up some interesting shells or fling a piece of seaweed at each other. Sometimes Seungkwan would sing under his breath as they walked together and Vernon never felt any more at peace than he did in those moments. 

 

Tonight in particular, it’s at that magical time of night where it’s still bright enough to be outside but the orange hues of the sunset will surely be replaced by clouds as soon the moon slides into place. It’s perfectly warm right now but in a short matter of time, the chill of the night will set in. All of the families will end up leaving the beach deserted for only the two of them. Instead of pulling on a sweatshirt, Vernon will pull Seungkwan closer by his side in order to keep a sense of warmth. 

 

They walk over to the rocky section of the beach for a change, where they hold hands and assist each other in climbing over the large rocks that lead up to the the cliffside where they can just watch the waves. They’ll talk for hours like usual, with Seungkwan’s hand still choosing to rest against his own the whole time they sit there even though they’ve been holding hands all day. He hopes that Seungkwan’s head will fall onto his own shoulder to rest, and when the elder sings a beautiful song under his breath he’ll lean in to place a tender kiss to his forehead. Maybe he’ll confess his love tonight too. It finally seems like the perfect time.

 

Vernon gets a little too excited (or nervous) thinking about how he’s going to approach his confession. He wants to shout it out without even thinking sometimes but he’s trying to hold back in favor of doing something that would really convey his feelings perfectly instead. Perhaps because he’s getting kind of antsy he tries to fool around a little bit and tug Seungkwan’s wrist, coaxing him to climb up the rocks to their final destination faster. 

 

“Hey, be careful!” Seungkwan stops in his tracks as he tries to ease his hand out of Vernon’s own, a small frown forming on his face. “It’s slippery. Don’t pull me.”

 

Vernon just smiles toothily back at him. “Don’t worry. I’ll catch you if you fall.” 

 

“I’d prefer if neither of us had to fall actually.” Seungkwan insists as he’s hesitant this time to take another step up to Vernon’s level. “I used to slip on these rocks all the time when I was a kid. I’d get hundreds of tiny little scrapes all down my legs if I managed to trip just a little and bang my shin off one. They’re  _ really _ sharp.” 

 

Vernon looks back at Seungkwan as he lets out a hearty laugh at images of a childhood Seungkwan being rather clumsy at this stirring around in his mind. “I’ll take your word for it. But maybe if you paid more attention for once instead of talking you’d-” 

 

And then Vernon manages to step on some stray seaweed that he could have watched out for if he wasn’t currently looking behind himself to tease Seungkwan. His stupid rubber sneaker sole makes him slip rather aggressively and he lands right on his ass,  _ hard _ , and all of the little sharp edges of the rock poke into him rather painfully. Seungkwan was damn right. 

 

“Hansol!” Seungkwan all but screeches out as he’s quick to kneel down next to him to check on him. Luckily he doesn’t seem to hold any grudges about the teasing before, but he’s still not exactly too happy that he practically told Vernon so. “See, I told you to be careful and you kept on fooling around… now this is what happens.” He sighs softly as he gives Vernon a small and pitiful little pat on the head. “How badly did you hurt yourself?” 

 

Vernon lets out a small hiss of pain as he tries to rearrange himself into a more comfortable position on this cursedly painful rock but nothing seems to be working. It’s sharp all over and now he’s getting all wet and slimy from sitting on seaweed too. In an attempt to try and get up, there’s a sharp pain in his ankle as he tries to move. “I think I fucked my ankle up.” 

 

If Seungkwan hadn’t been mildly worried before, now he’s full on worrying and all of the light hearted teasing he normally would be doing after a Vernon fall is completely gone from his system. Concern completely washes over his face as he rapidly glances between Vernon’s face and back to his ankle. “What do you mean you fucked your ankle up? Did you break it? Did you sprain it? Did you twist it? Can you even get up? What about walking?” 

 

Perhaps Seungkwan only asks so many questions is because Vernon himself doesn’t even know what he did to himself either. He sits up as much as possible and feels the same sensation of pain coursing through the muscles in his ankle so certainly he did something to it. He can’t really give Seungkwan a direct answer right now so he starts prodding at his ankle a few times with his finger to check things out. “I can touch it but it hurts when I move it…hm, that’s weird. I must have pulled something.” 

 

“How bad did you pull something though?” Seungkwan asks out quickly as he’s a bit desperate for answers in order to work on fixing Vernon’s problem more effectively. Vernon’s not one for talking so he just shrugs in response and continues messing around with his ankle and seeing which actions hurt it the most. As he lets out a particular grunt of pain from trying to roll it around in a circle, Seungkwan pushes his hand away in favor of holding onto it instead. “If it hurts, don’t touch it! You’re making me worry!” 

 

Although Vernon is definitely not in the best of situations right now, he can still laugh about how worked up Seungkwan is becoming over him. It’s actually horribly cute. “Calm down, Boo. I used to hurt myself all the time back when I was on my basketball team. A pulled muscle is the least of my worries.” He lets out a affectionate chuckle as he reaches out to pinch a little at Seungkwan’s cheek but his boyfriend is quick to shake his head and send his hand away. 

 

“You can’t just tell me not to worry about you. I hate seeing you in pain, even if it’s just a little bit…” Seungkwan mumbles out under his breath as he looks down at his lap for a moment. His hand is still holding Vernon’s own, with his smaller fingers fumbling around with Vernon’s own. “Because if you’re hurt then I feel like I’m hurt too.” 

 

Seungkwan is precious. He’s just too sweet for his own good. Vernon would actually sweep him up in his arms and kiss him senseless right now if he could physically get up and do that but he settles for cupping the boy’s cheek softly and giving it a small caress instead. Damn, he really loves Seungkwan so much. “I’m not hurt much at all. It’s just a small pulled muscle. Nothing a few days of rest and some painkillers won’t be able fix.” 

 

“So what’s your pain level right now?” 

 

“About a… two? Actually probably a  one.” 

 

“And you don’t feel like crying or anything like that?” 

 

Vernon just laughs a bit under his breath and shakes his head. “No, Seungkwan. I’m fine, really.” 

 

Although Seungkwan is a bit stubborn about fully making sure Vernon isn’t lying to him about his pain tolerance or anything like that, he just decides to give in and trust Vernon’s word for it. “Alright, let me help you up and let’s go home…” 

 

It takes Vernon a few seconds to get up without hurting himself any further but Seungkwan’s there by his side to help him away from all the rest of the rocks and only the sand where he can drag his ankle around more easily. It takes them awhile to make their way back to the road that leads back to Seungkwan’s house, but there’s no need to rush in the first place. Vernon sneaks a few glances down at his ankle and it’s surely swelling up more and more with each passing moment. He’s just happy to be on the way back home to ice it before it can start turning more purple than it already is. He’s also got a large number or little stinging cuts on his legs from slipping on the rock that are going to feel like hell to sanitize so that’s what he’s not looking forward to. 

 

As soon as they get to solid ground, Vernon’s having a bit of difficulty between leaning against Seungkwan and hopping around on one leg, in which when he accidentally puts down a little too much force onto his messed up ankle he’s pretty sure he just wrecked himself worse that before. The sharp inhale of breath from the pain is not left unheard by Seungkwan, who suddenly stops in his tracks and stands in front of Vernon. 

 

“Climb on my back.”

The resolute seriousness in his tone catches Vernon off guard for a moment. He blinks at Seungkwan’s back in questioning out rather confusedly. “Uh…. you want me to climb on your back? Like we’re kids?” 

 

Although Vernon sounds rather skeptical of this being able to work, Seungkwan glances over his shoulder with a straight face. “Just climb on, Hansol. You’re hurt and you can barely walk. If you let me help you we can get back home more quickly.” 

 

Vernon still has to take a look around them to make sure no one is around to see them but even still, he’s rather embarrassed to actually do something like this. Seungkwan is right in front of him but he still can’t take the next step forward to wrap his arms around him. “But… what if someone sees us?” 

 

“Do you think I even care right now, Hansol?” Seungkwan rolls his eyes around a little bit. “My only priority is getting you home as soon as possible so we can take care of your ankle. 

 

“But- aren’t I too heavy?” 

 

“Hansol…. You’re going to get on my back right now and that’s the last thing I’m going to say about this.” 

 

And that was the last thing Hansol could even say. 

 

For the rest of the way home he had to be carried piggyback style by his much smaller and shorter boyfriend. It must have definitely been a sight to see. Surely all of their friends back home would have a laughing fit over something like this. Vernon thought it was embarrassing to say the least and certainly his cheeks were flushed every time a car drove past them. He did his best to hide his face into the back of Seungkwan’s head or into his shirt  in order to get his mind away from thinking how ridiculous people probably found them. They were far too old to be doing this type of thing in public. 

 

Seungkwan didn’t care though. He didn’t complain about Vernon being too heavy or asking to stop and take a break. If anything he even walked more quickly than he had to in order to rush him home as fast as possible. Seungkwan didn’t say much at all even. 

 

Even though he could admit that this was rather embarrassing for the both of them, at least Vernon knew that Seungkwan must have cared about him so much in order to be so determined to do this. He tried to strip his mind away from worrying what other people might think of them in order to focus on thinking of his Seungkwan instead. He allowed his arms to hug around his neck in more of an embrace than an actual practical hold for making the piggyback easier. With his head resting against Seungkwan’s shoulder, he nuzzled into the male’s cheek briefly to press a gentle kiss there. 

 

“Thank you, Seungkwan…” 

 

Seungkwan leans his head a little more to the side to rest against Vernon’s own. “You don’t have to thank me. You know I’d do anything I could to help you.” 

 

“Yeah, I know.” Vernon smiles and places another kiss to the side of Seungkwan’s hair. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m any less thankful.” 

  
  


. . . . . 

 

When they finally arrive back home, Seungkwan (gently) orders for Vernon to take a seat on the bathroom sink as he hauls a rather large first aid kit in the room. Vernon already wants to wince as his boyfriend takes a wet cloth to clean out off of his cuts because even though he’s being as gentle as possible, there’s no way that’s going to make them stop stinging anytime soon. He just has to grit his teeth and suck it up as Seungkwan dabs on the antiseptic because it actually was due to his own carelessness that this happened in the first place. 

 

“I’m never going to climb on those rocks again. I swear that on my life.” Vernon decides as Seungkwan finishes up dealing with all his scrapes and bruises.

 

His boyfriend just chuckles a little bit under his breath. “I mean, it’s not like you could anyways with that ankle.” 

 

Vernon lets out a mock gasp and glances down at Seungkwan, who is kneeling by his first aid box and pulling out some gauze to wrap his ankle with. “I can’t believe I’m so hurt and in pain and Boo Seungkwan is actually making fun of me. I bet he thinks I actually deserve it.” 

 

Now that most of his worry is gone, Seungkwan can afford to play around with some more teasing on Vernon’s expense. “Hey, I never said that I think you deserve it. If anything, I just hope you learned a little lesson about not fooling around when you’re trying to climb up something.” His words might be joking around but his actions are exactly the opposite. To show Vernon that he still very much cares about him and his pain, he rises up from where he’s kneeling on the ground to stand in between Vernon’s open legs, where he’s instantly hugged and squished by both of Vernon’s arms and legs extremely affectionately. “I was just kidding though, I really do hope you’re not hurting too much. As soon as I finish wrapping your ankle I’ll get some ice and medicine and we can stay in for the rest of the night.” 

 

Vernon lets his arms wrap around Seungkwan’s neck as he holds onto him protectively. “Don’t let me just yet, I want to cuddle with you more. I need more attention than usual because I’m hurt.” 

 

Seungkwan just sighs and places a long kiss onto his lips before forcefully trying to pull himself out of Vernon’s hold. He’s very unsuccessful. “Hansol, there will be plenty of time to dote on you after I finish up on your ankle. Then I’ll even let you order me around to bring you snacks and put on your favorite movie and anything else you could possibly want. Just let me finish up this first.” 

 

Vernon pouts in the way that he’s seen Seungkwan doing countless times. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to work much because Seungkwan looks rather disinterested in favor of actually taking care of him instead. He’s back on the floor with the gauze tape ready to start wrapping Vernon’s ankle but he hesitates right before he actually reaches out to touch him. “Let me know if I’m hurting you. I’ll stop anytime, alright?”

 

Vernon just nods as he glances down at his Seungkwan. He’s never seen Seungkwan so cautious about anything else before, the way his hands use utmost delicacy to wrap the tape around in a way that doesn’t disturb the ankle any more than before. All of his actions are slow and meticulous and Seungkwan is so concentrated that certainly he would be able to stop at any second if Vernon were to let out any noise of pain. As Vernon watches him working so attentively, his heart starts to feel so warm on the inside. Seungkwan really must care about him so much. In fact, if Vernon looks closely enough, he’s almost certain that he can see the love Seungkwan has for him as well. 

 

When the elder is done with the bandaging, the stands back up in order to face Vernon. “How’s that feeling? Is it too loose or tight or anything like that?” 

 

The only thing that Vernon can do is shake his head and smile at him. Instantly his arms open as an invitation to draw him in close again. This is the moment. All words are going to come out. “Seungkwan, come here.” 

 

Seungkwan blink a bit curiously, maybe wondering why he’s seems much more affectionate than usual but he doesn’t seem to think too much behind the reasons. Without wasting a second he’s back in Vernon’s arms and they’re embracing each other so completely all over again. When Seungkwan’s head rests into that perfect place where it belongs against the crook of Vernon’s neck and they’re so impossible close to each other, Vernon takes a deep breath and only pulls back enough to meet his eyes. 

 

Before he can even get the words out, it’s almost as if Seungkwan already knows what’s going to happen. His cheeks are already flushed and it’s hard for him to maintain eye contact without glancing away. Vernon lets out a soft chuckle as his fingers gently move to grasp the boy’s chin and pull him back in. “Why are you so shy all of the sudden?” 

 

“Because…” That’s all that Seungkwan can say before a soft smile starts to form on his features. “You’re looking at me like that again.” 

 

Vernon’s eyebrows furrow together slightly for a second but shortly after he’s smiling back at Seungkwan with an identical smile that perfectly matches his own. “What do you mean when you say I’m looking at you like that? How do I look at you then?” 

 

Seungkwan’s smile only widens as he quickly shakes his head and looks down. They’re both clearly shy for some reason but that doesn’t make the moment any less special for Vernon. The fact that those words mean so much for both of them only makes Vernon want to treasure these precious seconds a little longer. “Do you really want me to say what I think that look in your eyes means?” 

 

Vernon lets the other hand that’s not cupping Seungkwan’s cheek rest on the small of his back, using it to pull him in a little bit closer simply because he wanted to remember everything more closely. He wanted to remember this look in Seungkwan’s eyes forever. The small sense of boldness that lingered within his dark brown eyes, the slightly bashful smile on his face that kept the atmosphere between them so light and warm, and the ever so noticeable tremble in his voice that assured him that he was just as nervous as Vernon himself was. All of this was so important. Vernon wanted to remember it all forever.

 

“Tell me what you think it means.” Vernon looked up at the love of his life with all of the courage that he could ever muster in his heart, so warm and so painful and yet so overwhelmingly happy all at the same time. He loved feeling this way. He loved loving Seungkwan. “Even though I’m sure you already know, I want to hear it from you first.” 

 

Seungkwan’s lips open to speak but he has to pause for a moment, as if he has to close his eyes and take a deep breath before finally allowing the words to pass through his lips. Vernon watches as he leans into the hand that cups his cheek and he swears that he’s never seen anything so beautiful before. Seungkwan places his hand over Vernon’s own and finally opens his eyes again. “When you look at me like that, I feel like you’re trying to show me that you love me. Is that true, Hansol? Do you really love me?” 

 

“I do love you, Seungkwan.” Vernon confesses, letting his fingers trace of the soft skin of his lover’s cheek as he can’t bring himself to tear his eyes away from him. Not even for one second. “I love you so much, Boo Seungkwan. You don’t even know how much I’ve been loving you this whole time.” 

 

“I do know.” Seungkwan answers back with a little sniffle, as his eyes are starting to water up from all of the overwhelming emotions that they’re finally letting out for each other. He’s still smiling so Vernon doesn’t worry much about him but his fingers still move upwards in case there’s any tears that threaten to spill over. “I know because I’ve loved you for such a long time too, Hansol. I love you so much. I love you so, so much, Hansol.” 

 

That’s all it takes for their lips to meet in a kiss. Their first kiss after the words of  _ I love you _ are finally shared and fully reciprocated. And it is with that kiss that Vernon vows to to love and protect Seungkwan to the utmost of his abilities and bring him the greatest amount of happiness as possible.

  
  


. . . . . 

 

Because of Vernon’s ankle situation, they miss out on a week or two of fun activities. The most they can really do is stay at home and wait for Vernon to heal up enough to walk without difficulty. That doesn’t mean that their time at home is any less interesting though. Even the most domestic of things are fun when Seungkwan’s by his side, but what Vernon likes most is just being able to sit next to Seungkwan, to sneak behind him while he’s cooking to wrap him in a hug, or to sneak into his bed and just lay on top of him. He’ll always makes sure to whisper those words of love that make Seungkwan smile so breathtakingly beautiful and there’s nothing that he enjoys more in the whole than giving those words to him. He never thought once about trying to reserve them for special times or only using them sparingly. He wants to tell Seungkwan whenever those words are on his mind and they happen to be on his mind a lot. 

 

They make some enough memories to make up for the lost time once Vernon’s ankle is doing much better. When there’s a night festival in town they make sure to stop by early enough to enjoy all of the delicious street foods and buy each other a bunch of useless souvenirs. All of the weekend outings with the Boo family continue on throughout the next three months, in which Vernon feels so accepted that they’re practically his second family now. Vernon gets to meet a few of Seungkwan’s hometown friends every once in awhile when they run into them on the street and sometimes they end up tagging along and going out together as a group. They even take a mini trip to a theme park and even stay in a hotel for the first time together, which also included a lot of other firsts occurring on that trip. 

 

Vernon takes Seungkwan to all of the fireworks shows he can find and he always makes sure to hold him close and whisper sweet nothings into his ear as he they enjoy the bright explosions of lights in the air. As he watches the way all of the vivid colors illuminate Seungkwan’s face, he can’t help but to smile and sneak a few kisses onto his cheek as well. He’s just so happy and so in love, there’s no way that any other summer is ever going to top this one. And it’s all because of Seungkwan that he’s having such a special time in Jeju. 

 

As summer is just about to end and they’re spending one of the last few nights out late, they end up on the top of a playground at Seungkwan’s old school, just staring at the stars above them and simply enjoying the time together. The night is surprisingly warm, as if it’s the universe’s way of letting them have one last perfect night of the summer season. They’re excited to go back to Seoul and spend time with all of their other friends but there’s still something so bittersweet about it all ending. 

 

Vernon can’t help but to feel a little melancholic as he lays there along with Seungkwan. But as a memory recalls in his mind, there’s a nostalgic smile forming on his face. “Hey, Seungkwan…” He starts out slowly, catching the attention of the boy beside him who’s also lying on his back and gazing up at the sky. “This reminds me of the night when it was your birthday and we decided to stay out until the sun finally came up. Want to do it again?” 

 

As he glances over to Seungkwan with a hopeful smile, the elder just laughs a little and nods his head. “Of course we can, Hansol. You don’t know how hard it is for me to deny you when you ask me so excitedly.” 

 

“That was such a good night though. I really like looking back and thinking about it.” Vernon decides as his hand slides down to find Seungkwan’s own to hold. There’s something about the atmosphere of the night that just makes him open up his heart and spill everything out. Maybe he blames himself for being too sentimental about his precious memories with Seungkwan. “I remember it was you and me that night, laying out under the stars just like this once. Except it was much more cold and uncomfortable because I couldn't just grab your hand and hold it back then.” 

 

Seungkwan turns his head to the side a little bit to meet his gaze. “You know, I would have let you hold my hand if you wanted to back then.”

 

“Nice to know. Maybe you should have told me.” Vernon responds back with a playful peck to his lover’s lips before speaking the rest of his mind again. “But in all serious, I think that night really changed things between you and I. I didn’t have feelings for you other than just friendship but there’s something about that night that really… I don’t know how to explain it actually, but there was just something about you that stood out to me. Like I just knew you were going to be someone important to me soon.” 

 

“I’m glad I did then. That night was special for me too, in ways that I can’t exactly explain but… you’re right. Everything did seem to change after that.” Seungkwan hums softly in agreement as he lets his fingers intertwine with Vernon’s again. They’re long grown past that stage where they need find words for every since moment so they settle into a comfortable silence for awhile. Vernon has always felt like Seungkwan could always just get him, even without words. It’s always been the most reassuring thing about their relationship. 

 

Moments later, much after Vernon’s head had moved slightly to rest on Seungkwan’s shoulder comfortably, a hypothetical question crossed his mind. Although it was a rather childish question to ask, for some reason he just wanted to know how Seungkwan would answer. Or maybe he just wanted to use it as an excuse to say something sappy to his boyfriend. 

 

“Hey, Seungkwan. If we were to see a shooting star right now, what would you wish for?” 

 

“Did you actually see one or is that a trick question?” Seungkwan blinks a few times, trying to think about whatever reason he’s asking for. “Besides, if I told you and then we did see a shooting star, wouldn’t my wish not come true?” 

 

“You’re making it too complicated - Just answer the question.” 

 

Seungkwan would play along with him. It only took a minute or two of thought before a slow smile formed on Seungkwan’s face as he gazed at the sky. “You see that star right there?” He asked out and waited for Vernon to lean closer into his line of vision before pointing it out again. “That one. If I saw a shooting star and had to make any wish, I would wish that I can be like that star someday.” 

 

Vernon squinted his eyes and tried to see what was so special about the particular star Seungkwan had picked out. It looked just like every other star in the sky. Seungkwan’s wish seemed simple enough but Vernon just couldn’t get it. “....And why would you choose that one? Why do you even want to be a star in the first place?” 

 

Seungkwan just laughs softly under his breath and guides Vernon’s finger to follow the point in the sky that he’s talking about. “I would want to be this star because look what’s next to it. There’s a star that shines just as bright right next to that one. They’re like a pair or something. It’s like they belong perfectly together by each other’s side.” 

 

Vernon finally gets it now. A soft hum of understanding leaves his lips. “So you’re trying to tell me that you don’t exactly want to become that star, but metaphorically you want to be like it. You’re trying to say that if you’re that star, then you want me to be that one.” 

 

Seungkwan laughs a little and nods. “I know it’s kind of silly but that’s the first thing I could think of. It is a nice thought after all though. Let’s name that one Seungkwan and that one Vernon. They always want to be together and they belong that way.” 

 

“Instead of talking about stars, why didn’t you just wish for me to be by your side forever?” Vernon asks out after a moment of thinking, feeling rather curious about the implications behind Seungkwan’s make believe wish. “Because if that’s what you want, I can make you a promise right here and right now. We can talk about the future and things like forevers and always because I’m all in when it comes to you Seungkwan.” He admits honestly as he holds Seungkwan’s hand tighter within his own, already prepared to never let it go. 

 

He listens as Seungkwan lets out a small sigh and his head turns to watch the elder’s expression. His eyes search the sky for a moment, as if he’s unsure what to say next but suddenly he shakes his head back and forth. “No, I don’t want any promises from you, Hansol. I don’t really like promises to begin with. Sometimes even when people truly love each other and do everything than can to keep one, there’s times when promises just can’t be kept no matter how hard they try. I don’t want any promises from you because I know life can’t always go our way.” 

 

As Vernon listens on to Seungkwan’s thoughts, he can’t help but to feel sad for some reason but he keeps silent as he listens to Seungkwan continue on. His hand never stays from Seungkwan’s own. 

 

“I know we’re so happy now but the world isn’t always going to go our way simply because we love each other. There are going to be difficult times ahead of us because that’s just how life is. We might have to go our separate ways due to our future careers, you might have to return back to America while I’m stuck in Korea, and I still have to complete my mandatory army service away from you. As much as I love you and you love me, things change, people change, lives change. We can promise that we’re going to love each other forever and try to protect that promise with everything we have, but sometimes life just gets in the way and makes things fall through no matter how good our intentions are.” 

 

Vernon’s hand grips onto Seungkwan’s more tightly as he feels his own eyes starting to water slightly. It’s only in this moment that he truly realizes how important Seungkwan really means to him and how easily things could change between them. It makes him truly treasure the fact that he’s here with Seungkwan and he really loves him so much right now, in this exact second, and he wants to enjoy this time as much as possible. It’s all so precious to him. 

 

“....So?” Vernon finds himself asking out next as he blinks his eyes rapidly to will away the wetness that refuses to go away. “What comes next then?” 

 

“Instead of promising that you’re going to love me forever, can you just stay by my side instead? Whether that be as my boyfriend, or my best friend, or my soulmate, wherever life takes us and decides to take our relationship, I hope you’re someone that I’ll be able to have by my side no matter what. Through the good times and the bad. No matter how much things might change between us, I want Hansol and Seungkwan to always be something constant. Just like those two stars up there. You’re someone I want to be by my side as much as possible, for the many years to come. And instead of promising in an uncertain world where all odds might be against us, I would just really, truly, be happy if you could just stay by my side through everything.” 

 

“I will.” Vernon decides as he lets his fingers intertwine with Seungwkan’s own as he looks at their two stars through blurred eyes, trying to commit them to memory so that he’ll be able to pick them out in the sky. He’ll remember how to find them even when they return back to Seoul. “It’s not a promise but… I will.” 

 

Seungkwan just turns to him and kisses each one of his eyelids before placing their lips together once for a loving kiss. “I know you will, Hansol. I know you will… 

  
  
  


. . . . . 

  
  


At Mugunghwa University there’s a couple on campus that everyone calls the perfect pair. They’re a bit like complete opposites, contrasting greatly from their looks to their personalities, to even the places that they come from. One is like day and one is like night. Their names are Seungkwan and Vernon and as much as they’ve got all of the differences in the world to prevent them from being something special, all of the odds set against them actually seem to work for them instead. Seungkwan fills in all of the pieces that Vernon needs and Vernon does the same for Seungkwan. 

 

They’re young and foolishly in love with each other, but undoubtedly Vernon and Seungkwan belong together. There’s no denying something that they both can feel so strongly rushing through their veins. Vernon belongs with Seungkwan and Seungkwan belongs with Vernon. That’s just the way that things have to be. 

 

They may only be in their twenties but that doesn’t do anything to diminish the love that’s so evidently blossoming between them, growing more and more with everyday that passes, strengthening over time with every small obstacle that gets in the way. 

 

In the end, it will always be Vernon and Seungkwan. 

 

They’ll be together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the ending of ourtwenties. 
> 
> if you're still sticking around to the end to read this, i have some (important) things that I would like to say.  
> thank you for reading ourtwenties for all of these months, whether that be dedicatedly, stopping by every once in awhile, or even just commenting once. i appreciate all of you for reading my story and sort of giving it a life of it's own. i've met so many people just because of this story. i've formed some really valuable friendships because of it and i'm so so so unbelievably thankful that i've meet all of you. even if we're only friends online or we've actually met at diamond edge, thank you for loving (me) and my story. 
> 
> i wrote ourtwenties because i wanted to read a verkwan story that was really long and had a really detailed plot. i couldn't find one and noticed a lot of other people wanted the same thing so i just decided to make it myself. i love writing in general, and i love seungkwan a lot so i wanted to write a story about him. vernon tends to go best with seungkwan imo so that was kind of a given. i really didn't have any direction behind the story when i first started writing and i kind of went with the flow of things. then when my story really picked up and grew interest i worked hard to form out an intricate plot to hopefully satisfy you guys, as well as fleshing out the more "background" characters to give everyone a meaning in the story. there were a few decisions that were brought on through peer influence or on the whim ideas that originally weren't supposed to happen. sometimes i questioned whether i regretted them or not but in the end, i'm very satisfied with ourtwenties as a whole. (there are a few funny stories about things i wanted to happen but didn't have a chance to fit in. maybe i'll make a thread on twitter about things that could have happened but didn't if you guys have any interest)
> 
> ourtwenties has given me a lot of happy memories and i would have missed out on many experiences if i hadn't written it. i want to say thanks one last time for being my friend, leaving me comments, messages, or even talking nicely about me and my story on twitter/tumblr. i do feel a little bittersweet to finally end this long story that i've spend so many hours working on, but i'm truly happy and thankful now that it's come to it's end. 
> 
> so what's next? 
> 
> vernon and seungkwan go to new york. no, not in this story. but in my next one. it's based off one of my favorite movies. seungkwan will be the main character instead of vernon. it will most likely be a mini series of a few chapters. that's all i really want to say at this time because i do want to keep it somewhat of a surprise. i don't have a release date or anything like that yet but maybe look forward to it if you're interested ?? 
> 
> in the time between ourtwenties and the release of my next work, you can befriend me anytime:  
> @citruseungkwan on twitter  
> @citruseungkwan on tumblr
> 
> hi, i'm nicola and thanks for reading until the end.


	33. bonus : 50 secrets about our twenties

Thank you for the unbelievable support I’ve received from the past few weeks following the ending of ourtwenties. Like I promised, I wanted to include some type of a bonus to give sort of in thanks for all of the support. A few people suggested drabbles but I was actually really content with the feeling of resolution that happened in the last chapter. Instead of taking that route, I’ve decided to create a list of behind the scenes plans, unknown secrets, as well as some ending notes for certain aspects of the story. I’ll also include some of the questions I’ve received here as well! 

Because this will obviously break the fourth wall of ourtwenties, this is a warning that maybe I’ll reveal some ideas about the story that  _ didn’t _ happen. I don’t want to like… “ruin” the ending of the actual story by exposing some of the original plans. Maybe if you prefer not to know, now would be the time to exit.

    1. I wrote ourtwenties because i was tired of not seeing any long verkwan stories. I love long ass slow paced burning realistic love stories and i needed one for seungkwan. 
    2. I knew my first seventeen story was going to be a seungkwan story. I only added vernon after i realized every seungkwan needs a vernon. 
    3. It’s kind of funny how vernon ended up being the main character. I dont know why i did that, especially since seungkwan was obviously my main reason for writing seventeen stories in the first place. 
    4. That being said, i’ve always loved verkwan in general. They have a really special bond that i’ve always found really interesting. 
    5. That bond reminds me of a bond that i share with someone in my real life. I have a MY I in my real life guys, how did that even happen ?? 
    6. Also to touch on that, there’s a large number of scenes in ourtwenties that have happened in my real life. I like to write about them to vent my feelings in some way if that makes any sense?
    7. Also much of the seungkwan appreciation in this story is my ACTUAL FAN THOUGHTS ABOUT BOO.
    8. _Why are all the chapters similarly titled?  - They all end in some sort of “ing” because they’re feelings that always continue on._
    9. _Why is it called ourtwenties?_ \- 20 is my favorite svt song, in addition to fronting. I love the seungkwan lyric “you’re my twenty” so that would apply to them finding each other at this time in their lives.
    10. _Why does Vernon play basketball?_ \- I literally don’t even know. I have no emotional connection to basketball at all.
    11. _Why did you choose theatre for BooSoonSeok?_ \- I was a theatre kid and I lived for that shit. I think it’s really clear of that when you’re reading, especially in Seokmin’s epilogue.
    12. Other than Verkwan, I loved Jeonghan and Junhui the most. Those characters are most like me so I had fun with them.
    13. _Seungcheol_ : Does he really love Jeonghan romantically? I think he could. He certainly didn’t when he said he did though. Part of what I really loved about writing Seungcheol is that he’s conflicting in many ways. He looks tough and holds a reputation but he’s really caring and sweet to everyone. Yet at the same time him and Jeonghan have this dynamic where they literally bring out the best and worst sides of each other in order to keep up their reputations and image. At the end, Seungcheol goes through a lot of rapid change for his own good and he’s not entirely where he needs to be when things finish. I wanted to leave a sense of like hope for him though.
    14. I don’t want to spoil Seungcheol’s future too much away from you guy’s imagination but I think he does change into a person that he genuinely learns to like someday.
    15. _Jeonghan:_ I loved writing him so much, I can’t even tell you guys how much. It was too fun. Part of what made Jeonghan interesting to me is that he genuinely needs attention in order to feel complete, since he was so insecure in the past. He really loves his whole paid dating situation because not only does he get that attention but he loves returning the favor back to all of his clients as well. Now that he’s grown more confident of himself and his own abilities, that he kind of learned to love himself through Joshua’s love as well, he’s really proud of himself I think.
    16. When Jeonghan was kind of stuck between choosing either Joshua or Seungcheol, I almost decided to make him chose neither of them. He almost said like fuck that, I love myself and that’s all I need.
    17. I never wanted to make Jeonghan x Josh x Seungcheol a trio. Not only is it too common and expected, but it fucks with the kind of bad relationship Jeonghan and Seungcheol had to address in order for closure.
    18. I did however think about pairing him with Junhui though. Jeonghan is chaotic evil and Junhui is chaotic good. Those two are magic together.
    19. ALSO LET ME ADD BEFORE I GET STARTED - in the end I wasn’t planning on having nearly all the characters fall for someone. It was just what everyone wanted so I started to like it too. I just get excited when you guys get excited omfg.
    20. Someone told me it wasn’t realistic for all of them to date each other. I agree but also, I am gay. I’ll let them have feelings for whoever they want. Who cares if they're all somewhat attracted to the same sex?
    21. _Joshua_ : Let me tell you one thing. I hate when people sum him up to be nothing but religious or that american one. But also the fact that he’s american along with Vernon is kinda like the point, because vern looks more “white” and speaks better korean than him. It was important to mention because vernon gets subtly picked on for his looks sometimes when joshua is more like the foreigner in the situation. I like to get some of my feelings and frustrations about living in korea as a foreigner out in the example of vernon tbh.
    22. Now back to Joshua, another reason why he’s important is that he’s kind of like a safe place for vernon to go back to. Yeah, maybe it’s because they’re from the same country but it’s comforting that they’re raised in the same place at the least.
    23. Joshua knows that Jeonghan was like everything he’s not used to as soon as they started whatever they did with each other. They weren’t in love at first sight but very very attracted to the sort of excitement they bring out of each other.
    24. Joshua ends up bringing Jeonghan back to america with him. Jeonghan is not good at english, but people love him anyways because why wouldn’t they. They go back to korea for holidays and probably over the summer months but Jeonghan gets a green card and they live in los angeles for awhile.
    25. How does Jeonghan get a green card? I’m pretty sure not even after one year of living abroad together, these kids are so in love they’re like _yeah let’s just get married on a whim_. And they never regret it not even once.
    26. _Junhui:_ I can’t even say how much I had fun writing Jun as well. I really feel for him and wanted his little dream to come true so badly. I’ve had a few dreams that made me long for them so badly it felt like my chest was like tearing up about it. That’s the feeling I wanted to write about. I think most people have a dream like that, right?
    27. _Does Junhui really love Minghao or not?_ \- Yes, he does. He always has. I think he even knew before he left for Korea. Part of what makes Junhui feel vulnerable around Minghao is that he knows his love will distract him towards the tough sacrifices his dream required. That’s why he tries to pretend he can’t see it sometimes. He always knew it was there but he doesn’t allow himself to indulge.
    28. _Does Junhui succeed in debuting?_ I would say so. I don’t want to decide what level of fame he achieves but I think he’s the type to work hard and stay humble no matter what happens. Minghao by his side the whole time too. They stay together through it all.
    29. _Minghao:_ This kid is my kind of dreamer. He has a bunch of little things that he wants to do so he sets out and finds new dreams every day. But I also like how he’s rich and kind of gets everything handed to him but he can still realize that he needs to depend on himself to get what he really wants - a.k.a junhui.
    30. As much as MY I themed stories between these two are becoming common to find, I’d like to think that these two stay a couple for the rest of their lives. They’re just so special for each other. I don’t really have much to say other than they’re content and happy as long as they’re together. (After Junhui ran away the first time they’re not separated again.)
    31. _Soonyoung and Seokmin_ : I want to talk about them together because in a way, they both have the same sort of mindset about Seungkwan. They’re his best friends so obviously they’re very protective about boo and their friendship as a trio is unbreakable. They didn’t really trust vern at first based on word of mouth but after meeting him the first time they loved him. If he even fights with boo tho, they would probably show up and try to force him to apologize and force boo to sleep in their room. Anyways their a unit that loves and supports each other so much and i love them.
    32. They’re both successful in the future as for what they’re trying to do career wise. Soonyoung is a well known choreographer, Seokmin is probably an actor in musicals. _Do they stay together?_ I don’t really expect them to. They date for fun and because they love each other as friends but I don’t see like anything super long term for them. Their friendship never gets ruined despite multiple attempts at dating though.
    33. _Wonwoo_ : He’s kind of peculiar right? I based him off of someone I fell in love with once but their mind always seemed so far away no matter what I tried to do to grow closer. I would like to think of Wonwoo as rather in his mind too much but through his crazy group of friends, he really starts to open up and fully blossom into himself. He’ll probably be an author of pretty little books with his own drawings inside.
    34. _Mingyu:_ There’s something about this kid that makes me feel like whatever he does, he’s going to be loved just because he’s so genuinely nice. I don’t know exactly what he would do in the future but I think he’s happy always trying new things. Although he seems so sure of himself I think he still has a lot of opening up in terms of his relationship with Wonwoo though. Will he do it? I think he will, but it won’t come easy for him. Their pace is slow and awkward but it’s what they’re good at.
    35. As for Mingyu and Wonwoo, I think they have this kind of silent love that’s always understood even without saying so. Even if they’re not together for the rest of their lives, I think that they’ll always have that kind of love for each other. They get more comfortable with each other as they date for long term but I bet there’s moments where they take a step back and slow down sometimes too.
    36. _Jihoon:_ Let me say that I don’t like stories where they sum him up to be short and angry. Jihoon has his emotional outbursts here but they’re because he’s always been so sheltered and talented that he feels rather trapped sometimes. I was kind of implying that he does probably have some sort of anger problem, or maybe something more towards the line of mental illness. I didn’t want to write about it in depth so I tried to rather imply that. Part of what makes Jihoon’s story special is that his friends understand that about him without him outright saying he’s dealing with something. He’s thankful for them.
    37. As for Jihoon’s future I feel like he would produce music (I know, it’s obvious) but his main goal would be helping his friends towards their musical goals as well. I can see him helping out junhui, or seungcheol, and maybe even soonseok as well.
    38. _Do Seungcheol and Jihoon end up together?_ \- I don’t think so. I feel like they could but they decide not to. I feel like Jihoon ends up getting frustrated with him at times of stress and ends up trying to hook up with him in order to make things better, but that doesn’t exactly equal romance. There’s a bond and an attraction but I don’t exactly know if there’s any romance between them besides the healing aspect. Try to convince me otherwise if you want though.
    39. _Chan_ : Ah, this kid has so much potential I think. Once he enters college I think he grows very close to Jeonghan’s friends. He’s close with Soonyoung and Junhui especially. I think he picks up on dancing with them and he really enjoys it. He’s so mature for his age and I think he’s the one to keep everyone in line and give the best advice.
    40. _Why doesn’t Chan date anyone?_ \- This was really conflicting to me. At times I felt like he looks at all the people dating around him and he’s like… nah that’s not for me. Other times I thought he might be asexual completely. Then at other times I thought he might develop a sort of mini crush for Jeonghan and try to win him over when things didn’t work with Seungcheol and Josh. Weird, huh? In reality, I think he might develop some feelings for Soonyoung even. It’s not long term but they probably date for a little while.
    41. _Seungkwan and Vernon_ : What can I even say that I haven’t expressed a million times already? These two do stay together until the end of fucking time in ourtwenties.
    42. The most reassuring feeling in the whole world is knowing that you’ll have a person to stay by your side for the rest of your life unchangedly. Whether that be as a lover, or a friend, or family, or any other label in between, I hope you all find a person like that.
    43. _If verkwan was never roommates, would they still end up together? If yes, how do you think it would happen? -_ honestly, i don’t really think so… it would be too hard for them to find each other but they could probably make it work. They’d meet through all of their mutual friends and seungkwan would crush on vernon from the very beginning. Like they would probably meet at a group dinner and seungkwan would be like fascinated by how interesting he is to talk to.
    44. _How do they come out to the parents?_ \- Before they leave Jeju and go back to Seoul, I think Seungkwan pulls his mom aside and tells her. She already knows. When they return back next year, Seungkwan’s dad knows too because she probably told him too. One day Vernon talks on the phone with Sofia. She outright asks him if he’s dating Seungkwan based on how much he appears on his social accounts. He says yes and she’s just like - _i knew it_. Next time Vernon talks to his mom she’s like _congrats on dating with Seungkwan!_ And he’ll be like…. _mom, we’ve been dating for a long time now_. Then when Seungkwan comes to visit New York someday they don’t really have to talk about it much because it’s clear just in the way those two look at each other.
    45. _After university life and getting their own jobs and everything, where will they stay? is it in Korea or the us?_ \- I think they probably live in both countries on and off, but much more evenly than Josh and Jeonghan. Probably a year in each country. They live together as much as possible but when Seungkwan attends his mandatory military service, Vern probably gets an average job and works his ass off in order get a head start on saving up for rent when boo returns. There might be distance due to visas sometimes but the overall goal is to be together because that’s when they’re happiest. Distance generally means nothing for these two though.
    46. _Could you see them getting married?_ \- Although this totally defeats what I wrote for the whole Seungkwan speech in the end, I do think it is very probable that could happen. They would probably do it much later in life, like in late twenties / early thirties, and mainly they would do it because living in different countries because of visa problems is finally taking it’s toll. That doesn’t mean they don’t want to do it for love too though. And yes, Adi. I will let you know that yeah they would probably end up adopting a child in this circumstance.
    47. They rarely fight. I think they know each other enough in order to know when a limit is about to be reached just by a look alone. I think no matter the circumstance, or the distance, or no matter how hard life does get, these two are always going to be stronger together. That’s why they stay together for as long as time will allow them to. They’re each other’s happiness so I don’t think even the strongest forces would be able to take them away from each other.
    48. Vernon and Seungkwan will always love each other in ourtwenties. That’s just a given.
    49. A few readers have told me personal stories about how my story relates to their real life and causes them to find some sort of positive outlook on things. I want you guys to know that I wrote this in order to vent some of my own feelings into words I could look back on later. Although I never had that intention to really change anything, it’s truly incredible to read some impacts that this story had. It was just to have some fun and give me a place to express my words but I’m really happy that I was able to make some of you think a little bit differently about your own lives. Feel free to come talk to me anytime because i love hearing from you.
    50. Thank you for supporting me. My next series is coming out shortly, within maybe even a week or so. Seungkwan will be the main character for a change and I hope you will enjoy the story just as much as this. I love Seungkwan because he’s so similar in personality to me and it’s really fun to start writing as his perspective already. The story will be set in New York, and involves Seungkwan working at a rather interesting place, meeting Vernon, and involves Chan as a major character this time! Thanks again and so much love for all of you!




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